My Battles With Loneliness

After posting the picture of my Good Morning Girls Group, I received a few comments and emails from sisters in Christ who are lonely and long for Christian friendships. My heart broke, as I can recall the seasons in life where I was caught in the dark cloud of loneliness.

I remember weekends in college in Chicago, when most of the girls either went home or out on dates with their boyfriends – I was homesick. I would sit in my dorm room alone eating popcorn and listening to George Winston’s Pachabel’s Canon play on repeat for hours(I still do this! lol!). I never did go out on dates in college – not once – I was dating Keith long distance. I poured over God’s word on those long weekends and filled in the gaping dark hole with God’s presence.

Finally, I married Keith after 4 long years apart and we moved to Columbus, Ohio for him to finish college at Ohio State University. I was in a new town – with a new name – with a new job – and a new church. I recall walking into my first Bible study in the new church and no one greeting me. I sat alone and was very uncomfortable. I had made some non-Christian friends at work. But I longed for a safe refuge of Christian friends where I could let my guard down and be myself. It took about 18 months before I developed my first “real” Christian friendship…it was a long lonely 18 months.

Then I moved home after 7 years away. I had finally made Christian friends back in Columbus – but here I was “alone” again! I pulled out a prayer journal from my first week home and I had written in there… “Help me Lord to not get into a rut of self pity as it is hard in a new town with no friends.” Looking back it’s humorous. I wasn’t in a new town? I was in my hometown. These weren’t new friends? They were old friends. But I was scared – I had changed in 7 years – so had they – would they accept me?

David, “a man after God’s own heart”, was lonely. In Psalm 25:16 he said to the Lord, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” David turned to God.

If we choose to turn away from God in response to our loneliness we will go down a very cold road
. Job and Elijah felt so alone they wanted to die. Jeremiah wished he had never even been born. Satan can use this time to enter sinful thoughts into our minds such as self pity, self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. We may attempt to put a band aid on the pain by turning to the television, alcohol, shopping, binge eating, or excessive computer time.

But, the only comfort I ever found was in releasing my needs to God in prayer and then trusting God. If you are struggling with loneliness today I encourage you to read Psalm 84:11,12. Place your trust in God, then go one step further and delight yourself in God as the rest of Psalm 84 says.

Stop being jealous, stop shopping, stop suppressing the pain with food. I testify as one lonely sister to another (*tears are stinging as I write this next line because God has taught me this truth through tears over and over and over and I pray with all my heart you will grasp this) - it has been in my trusting and delighting – that God has filled the God shaped hole inside of me, to the brim.


In time, God will bring you the fellowship you long for but never let your friends replace your Walk with the King,

Hip Homeschool Hop Button Raising Homemakers

Comments

  1. laurensmommy says

    Courtney,
    I can't tell you how much I needed this post. My husband was transferred out of state for a job last year and we had to pick up and move (again) to a place where I knew no one.

    I have felt those same feelings that you talked about. I have tried to fill the loneliness with shopping, food, excessive computer time… :) Doesn't work!''

    A year later, I am starting to feel like I have met some good Christian friends.

    Could this be a challenge for all of us to reach out to new faces in our churches and Bible studies?!
    Humans (and I think women especially) NEED fellowship and friendship in the body of Christ!

    • Shari Schmidtke says

      I can relate! We recently moved to TN. for my husbands job, It was very exciting to watch God work out every little detail in our smooth move! We are settled in and I am so lonely and miss my only grand baby and children! How can something that seemed so exciting cause such pain? I found employment, So I am sure that will help me meet a few people! We have visited a few churches, But haven’t felt God leading us to either one. I don’t think my husband understands what I am going through, So he has been distant. I am sure I will look back and see how God brought me through this struggle! I also realize that I am not fully trusting God, I am trying to find other things that bring temporary healing. Praying that God leads us to the right church, So we can get plugged in and get busy! Thanks for sharing.

  2. cindy says

    Oh this post is such perfect timing for me also and a great reminder that ONLY GOD can fill that God shaped hole within my heart. I have felt very lonely in the past few months for starters my husband and I left our church of 6 years to go to another church for a season where we felt like outsiders and then we went back and forth for last couple months back and forth between churches which in and of it self is HARD. We now after a season of 6 LONG months have returned home to our church of 6 years and alot changes in 6 months church grown ALOT we have grown and changed as well as our old friends and I feel the same as you did "WILL THEY ACCEPT ME AGAIN" BOTTOM LINE God accepts me and that has to be my focus. Thank you for this reminder not to allow Satan to come in and lie to us we are NEVER ALONE and in those seasons we must cling to God for guidence and direction sometimes He calls us to those times of being with just HIM ALONE. I know God has us right where He wants us right now and that is what gets me thru. Thank you for this post and for being transparent with us in blog land it is a blessing to know we are not alone!!

    May we all keep walking with the King,
    Cindy

  3. Terri says

    Wonderful post. I will remember to welcome people more and to remember to let the ones I already know that I am always ready to be a friend. Thanks for the reminder.

  4. No Ordinary Me says

    What a encouraging post. I can't agree more. I went through a period two years ago when my closest "Christian" friend started to get farther and farther away from the Lord. We are still friends but that "Kindred" spirit friend connection is not the same. She left church, and realyl doesn't talk about God the way we use to. We use pray and cry in the altars together. We read devotions and prayed together. It was a hard time. But God did fill me. He also taught me to depend upon Him.

    Thanks for sharing.

  5. Sonya Schroeder says

    Wow Courtney what a great post. Myself having a military husband and going through moves and deployments I have been in this LONELY stage and had the pity party. Some days you just dont know how your going to get through and then you realize that you are not walking with God that you have let the devil in a little hole you created. I filled my loneliness with work, eating, lots of time on the computer, anything that made me feel better. God is the ONLY one that can fill all our loneliness. He is true, constant and ever lasting in His walk with us. Once we can realize when the Devil is trying to take us away we can fight harder to delight ourselves in Him… Thank you for your words tonight!!! Hugs xoxo

  6. Jessica Heights says

    Courtney, this is RIGHT where I am, in a new town 1500 miles away from home, with my husband working six days a week with our only car…

    …I have been horribly lonely in these last few weeks. I've been leaning hard on God's gentle shoulder, but it's always nice to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like this! Thank you! :)

  7. Jacki says

    I have been battling this for almost 3 years! I am from a different country plus I don't drive yet. I feel left out a lot. I try so hard to belong and it is very exhausting. Thank you for sharing this Courtney.

  8. Crystal says

    Thank you!! This is one of my biggest struggles. I haven't had close girlfriends in over 8 years.. actually when I became a Christian. We've been at our new church for 2 years now and I still feel like an outsider most of the time. It's a very close knit church! We do love it so much though! I do often find myself in the midst of a pity party but I have to remind myself what's important: my walk with Christ, my husband and my kids. And if He chooses to keep me friendless, then I'm really okay with that.

  9. Jessica says

    OH I needed this! We are military and just moved halfway around the world, literally and my husband deployed after only 4 weeks of living here. Six months later, I find myself church hopping trying to find what feels right. I think Im looking for friends more than seeking the Lord. Thanks for being faithful to share Truth…

  10. Darlene Schacht says

    Remember this is how I was feeling earlier in the week? I am praising God because I know He's at work. This Saturday coming up I have a homeschooling family coming over. This lady smiles 24/7 and wrestles with her kids. She's down to earth, grounded in faith, and fun–just what I need. And then my other friend who's the wife of an amazing pastor was emailing me tonight. She gave me her cell number to text, so I feel like we're going steady now. LOL!! You know the feeling, huh? It's just nice when you see God at work.

    I think that the loneliness is painful, but there is a season for everything and God is there to see us through.

    Even if it feels like the world has forgotten us, God hasn't. He's at work.

  11. Kristi Lea says

    I've been there too, Courtney. When I was born again at the age of 17, I found out in the next year, that my friends weren't really my friends. They were in it, as long as they got something out of it, and didn't truly care about me. I left all my friends, and my old lifestyle. I realized no friends at all, was much better than bad ones.

    I had to wait two years for a good Christian friend. She was a blessing, but much older than I. Another 3 years, and the Lord blessed me with one more. 3 more years, and I had my first two close friends that were my age. I felt truly blessed.

    But you know, what I have found through all this, is that they still will let me down, dissapoint me, and me them, I'm sure. God is the only one who can ever truly be there for me fully, and never let me down. He can fill my cup and my needs to the point of overflowing! And my husband. No matter what happens in life, he is right there with me, even when friends aren't.

    My biggest success with friendships has actually been online. We can chat, pray for one another, share the word of God together, and do it all on our own time, as to not interfere with our families. The best part…no matter where God moves us, we are still just an Internet connection away! :)

  12. Homeschool on the Croft says

    Been there….done that….! And still do – often – despite the fact that I'm surrounded by family and friends.
    God teaches us that He is *the* place of refuge, and sometimes we take a l-o-n-g time to learn this.
    Praise Him for His infinite patience towards us x

  13. A Humble Planter says

    Miss COurtney, I wish I could just reach through this computer and hug you right now. Thank you so much for such a beautiful post. As an Army wife, who constantly moves (we are on our third move in three years with TWO scheduled next year) it is so exhausting to constantly be putting ourselves out there, trying to make connections every time we go to a new duty station. It can be scary.

    Thank you for the reminder that God is always our first and best connection.

  14. Crystal says

    Oh my word Courtney. My daughter just called me last night from college telling me she has no friends right now. It is exactly what you went through. I have a text on my phone for her saved in drafts because it is way to early to text a college girl but it was laid upon my heart when I was praying for her that God is wanting to be her best friend. He is wanting her to get to know him more deeply and he will send the friends later. I am going to send her your blog to read. Thank you so much for this post. Maybe I can stop crying now.

  15. Lisa Maria says

    Dear Courtney.. your post today has really touched my heart. I have also felt those feelings myself. When I chose to become a stay at home mom 18 years ago I found myself in a very lonely place, not too many people supported my choice.. my in-laws, my own father thought I was making a mistake.

    I had no friends to turn to really and I found myself turning to God. Even more recently when I went through a serious trial in my marriage it was God who was there for me, because I refused to burden my family with what I was going through. I didn't want them judging my husband's actions or trying to give 'bad' advice. I can truly say that I know what its like to be comforted by the presence of God. I praise God for this opportunity to connect with other God-fearing women who live out the values that Christ wants us to live out. I'm not a part of a GMG group, but I'm so enjoying reading and sharing what others have to say.

    It IS lonely when you try to live the gospel.. you're out on a limb. Thank God for yourself and Angela and people like Darlene and all the wonderful women out there who are making a difference.

  16. Jaimebrooke1 says

    Thank you for posting this! I really needed to hear it. We moved last Spring, away from everyone that we knew. Making friends all over again can be a long process. I have been learning to be content with where God has me, and to be thankful that I can use this opportunity to grow even closer to God in my walk with Him. Thank you for your blog! It has been a true blessing!!!

  17. Kalee says

    This was exactly what I needed to read! We've been on the east coast for nearly a year and half and I always figured that I'd have a good group of girlfriends by now, but it's a slowly but surely sort of thing. It takes time, and I'm learning patience.

  18. LouAnne says

    Thank you for this.. I so needed to read it this morning. The loneliness is just so heavy at times that I let it affect my fellowship with my Savior. Thank you for calling our eyes back to Him.

  19. timi says

    Your post was honest and spoke the words I longed to speak. We moved from Texas to Wisconsin 14 years ago for my husband's career. At the time my son was 6 and my daughter was 6 weeks old. It has been a long and lonely 14 years. People are different here than what I was used to with different cultural values and long winter hibernations.

    This walk is still difficult and it is still something I struggle with. I have tried to fill that hole with shopping, eating, exercising, cleaning and being 'busy' but they never give me the fulfillment I crave.

    Thank you for posting this and sharing your story with us. It's nice to know we're not alone. I thank God I found your blog.

  20. Sherry @ Lamp Unto My Feet says

    I so needed this. i've even gotten to the point of depression, because of the loneliness. we are a military family and after moving here, 2 car accidents, and best friend moving away. I had no one but my immediate family and God. We have no ladies Bible studies at church, so it has been even more painful for me as i feel I am so disconnected. we will be moving in 2 months to another state, and I'm hoping that God will lead us to some place that I can make more Christian connections and friends.

  21. Anonymous says

    Courtney, I'll join in the chorus and say that I needed this as well.

    I'm concerned because my GMG group has not been emailing or contacting every day. I feel kind of alone in my GMG. Not that I'll give up, mind you, but how should we proceed when our GMGs have dropped out?

    Thanks again.

  22. Katja says

    Courtney – I know exactly what you are talking about! I have been moving so often and always had to make new friends. The hardest move was the first one with children and without an out-of-the-house-job… however, when I strated to consider it a duty that I have to fullfill for my family it became much easier. Now after living in one spot for almost five years I have such a big circle of friends. For all the moms out there – it always takes half a year to settle down, but then it'll become much easier!!!

  23. Sarah says

    This comes at a difficult time. Having moved to a new state and being newly married to my awesome husband who serves diligently every Sunday. I've found myself often alone in a huge sea of a congregation that I don't know. It's been 6 months and every Sunday feels unpredictable. I often come home overwhelmed and emotionally drained. God has been good in providing an amazing small group and ABF class. But Sunday morning worship is still a bear even after trying many different things.
    Thank you for sharing that we're in this together.

  24. Priscilla says

    Courtney,this is a much needed post!
    I asked God why I was in these "dark cloud of loneliness" and why , despite all the things I have (material), I was still feeling depressed. These was a light in my life today!! Thank you!
    (((hugs)))

  25. Sandi says

    Courtney:
    Thank you for sharing. After my son was born, I went back to work part-time for about 5 months. When I finally decided to stay home, I found myself in a new world with not many people around me. I joined a local MOMS Club for support, but I really felt the hole in my church my fellowship group had really fallen apart and I was the only one with a baby and not working. I went through a spiritually dark time because I felt so alone. However, from this period, the Lord led me to start an in-home Bible study through the MOMS Club. It started with 3 of us who grew incredibly close and supportive of one another. We are now at 10, and I consider myself so blessed to have these women holding me accountable, praying for me and walking through life with me. I had to take the initiative to invite women I didn't know into my home, and I'm so grateful that God blessed me with incredible people who are my dearest friends. God is soooo good!!!

  26. Anonymous says

    Courtney,

    I just want to praise God for how He is using you for His Kingdom. Your posts have touched me and so many others–you are a rare gem. You make God-honoring sacrifices to help others and I can imagine at times it is difficult.

    I have struggled with lonliness too. I started having panic attacks in my mid twenties. Later on I realized (with the help of a counselor) that I was dealing with a social phobia and generalized anxiety disorder. When I became a Christian I thought these things would disappear–but they did not.

    Many years later, I can honestly say that this lonliness has brought such depth of beauty to my life. God brings us to those lonley places to increase His glory. It's made me want to reach out to others who are lonely. I feel like God is making it all beautiful in His time, delivering me daily and walking with me through each moment.

    I feel for everyone going through this pain of lonliness, but know that it will bring each and every one of you closer to Him who knows the plans He has for you–to give you a hope and a future!

    When we delight ourselves in Him and look up and then around to others in need, that is when the healing starts. When I looked at what others had or how "together" they seemed, that is when I would fall flat. I needed to learn to "enjoy" the moment for its beauty and the fact that God was with me–even when it felt like he wasn't. He is there, even in the lonliness of being a stay-at-home mom with little or no support. Wherever you are-He is there and He loves you!!

  27. Emily Gibson says

    Thank you for this today! I am a military spouse who moves every 2-3years and have felt alone many times. I just keep praying that the Lord lead me to the right place and surround me with a sister or sisters in Christ in each new place. Being there for someone else always helps with the loneliness. Getting passed my circumstances and focusing on someone else certainly heals and forms bonds with other women! God knows what we need and certainly fills that void! God Bless you Courtney!

  28. Kim says

    What a timely post. We are in the midst of my husbands job being transferred to another state. I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like I am wrestling with God. Back and forth… the thought of my entire life being uprooted and being lonely kills me. I know my Jesus has a plan and that it will ultimately work out for good, but oh the pain of leaving my family and friends.
    Courtney, you have a gift. Your blog is definitely a ministry. Many blessings to you….

  29. Saved by Grace says

    Oh sister, I can totally relate to that loneliness. And have gone down that path, it's not a pleasing one. But Praise God through all of it, I came to a place where He is the only one who filled it perfectly. I tried to fill it with my hubby, children, friends..etc.. And they all failed me. But God showed me that He was the only one who could fill it. This is an awesome post, and I know it will minister to many. I consider being lonely a blessing. It has shown me to drawer closer to Him. Anytime that I do feel that loneliness trying to creep in, I run to Him and He in turn shows me He is always there. To never leave me nor forsake me.
    God Bless you sis!
    Adrienne

  30. Mandy Alexander says

    It is great to know that we are not alone in the lonliness battle. We just moved to a new city in August and I had a 5 month old and also went from being a working mom to a stay at home mom. We have struggled finding a church home and I haven't seemed to meet any other moms. I have always been so dependent on having friends, family, and a church family. I love people and want to be around them often. Especially as a new mom, I need other moms. I have moved around in the past and never seemed to struggle meeting people, however, with a baby, it's harder. I have felt like Job at times, stripped of everything that I love- all the while depending on the Lord to be my source of joy and fulfillment. The thing that God has taught me most during this is that He is all we need and that He can use me even in my weakest state.
    Blessings!

  31. Audrey says

    Thank you so much for this post. My hubby and I moved away from our friends and family last November just 3 weeks after having our second child, and for the past year and 3 months, we have not even found a home church. There are two couples we are friends with, but I do long for that Christian group of girls I can laugh with and talk to and relate to, and I have not yet found that. It makes me miss home so much! And on top of all that, being a stay-at-home mom, and being a one-car household, I literally don't talk to anyone except my neighbors, and the cashier at the grocery store when I go every two weeks!

    Thank you so much for this post, it is so very timely.

  32. Leigha says

    I am really enjoying your post on loneliness! I have suffered through losing parents (inlaws), our 6 1/2 year old son, our new home (fire), all within the past 6 years and I'm only 28 years old. I have a hard time relating to people bc no one has been through hard times like we have. I feel lonely a lot! I kept longing for someone to fill that void but, I am beginning to see that I need God more now than ever and am doing a lot of soul searching :) Thank you for helping me!!

  33. Anonymous says

    Courtney, this is JUST what I needed to hear… I am having no luck at making friends at our HUGE church. I am even teaching Sunday School and just not making connections. Our church offers a women's yoga class on Sunday evening while the kids are in choir, so I went last night. I walked over to a spot by a woman around my age and smiled and went to roll my mat out and she said… this spot is taken, can you move somewhere else? My heart just broke! I felt like I was in high school! Ugh… I went home and told my husband and he suggested I try to sign up for just a women's Bible study, so I signed up for a mom's group on Tuesday nights… we will see how that goes.

    But, my main point is all day I have allowed self pity to enter my mind and even said to the Lord that I am so tired of trying to make friends and be a good example at work and that I just wanted to give up!! lol

    So, you can imagine your words are just what I needed tonight :)

    Melodie

  34. Briana says

    Thank you SO SO SO SO much for this post! I saw it on a blogroll and I am glad God led me to read it! Wonderful points and thank you so much for your understanding toward those of us who are still struggling with loneliness!

  35. shannon says

    I think some of the most beautiful things I read are things that are honest about ourselves. I respect that you shared your lonliness with us, as sometimes we tend to create stories in our heads of all the fun everyone else is having. When I'm homeschooling, cleaning(again), cooking dinner, I sometimes can create ideas that I am the only woman who feels lonely out there. I know this is not true, but sometimes it gets the best of me and I appreciate your honesty :)

  36. Redeemed2904 says

    Great post.My husband and i moved area to start a church and i must say i miss my friends who are either in my mother church or Pastors wives themselves also.God has taught me to find my sufficiency in him and only HIM!

    Friendship is something i have struggled with and God has been faithful to reveal to me who i can trust and are my real friends.I agree with you about trusting God in this as its better to have friends God has sent.The key is to be patient and work on being a good friend so that when they come along everyone will be blessed.

  37. Anonymous says

    I am an extremely social person and have lots of friends and I still have periods of feeling very lonely…everytime I feel like this and I cry out to God He hears me and almost always sends someone to encourage me and remind me that He is there all the time and He will not let me down and also that there are truly others who care even when I feel like they dont. I have found I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely b/c I need Jesus to fill that need and no other human can do that!

  38. Stacey says

    I am a missionary in Austria, moments of loneliness do come but I have found that trusting in the Lord to be my friend, crying out for help in my time of need always helps.

    Thank you for your timely post.

  39. Anna says

    Hi Courtney
    Just what I needed to hear/read! You are right to say that we musn't fill the loneliness with worldly things. My husband is not a Christian and that makes me often feel so lonely eventhough he is next to me!

    We need to look to Jesus all the time.

    Thanks again, Courtney! May the Lord bless you and your family richly.

  40. sweet european dreams says

    So very timely. Prior to my husband being in the military, I remember having to schedule alone-time as I was so incredibly blessed with Christian friends. When we decided to join the military life, I was excited to be jumping into such an enormous mission field. Well, 4 years into it and I'm just not so excited anymore. We rarely ever meet other belivers and because of his crazy schedule, we have not been able to really connect with the church at our new duty station. I've never felt lonely before until now and it is soooo very yucky! You're right – the only solution is for me to spend time with my True Best Friend – only He can fill the void that I'm feeling. Thanks so much for being such a blessing to so many! -diane

  41. Courtney (Women Living Well) says

    Anonymous Good Morning Girl – I am SO sorry that your group has grown inconsistent and it's only just begun – ugh!

    Please tell them in an email that you are missing them and wish you could hear from them as you need the accountability.

    If no one is emailing – then send an email and ask them if they'd like to quit or go forward and try again. If everyone is out – you could try to join a group that is already going off the message board over at Goodmorninggirls.org

    I'm so sorry this happened. I am sure it is very discouraging! Hang in there girl – give grace to the girls in your group and keep seeking to walk with the King!
    Courtney

  42. Steph @ MomKaboodle says

    Wow, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us here! I know I've certainly felt this way before.
    It hurts my heart to hear that nobody welcomed you at that Bible Study…I wonder if they were feeling shy and insecure?
    I've noticed times when I was feeling particularly down – either lonely or overwhelmed. I would try calling a friend, a family member…it would just "happen" that nobody was available at that moment. Then I would feel the Lord's gentle nudging – that I needed to seek my comfort from Him. It was almost as if He moved those people out of reach so I could realize that and rely on Him instead.
    I found you through the HHH. I love your site and what you're doing here – it's inspiring!

  43. Annika says

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. It seems strange how a mom of 4, who homeschools, and is involved in many church activities, can feel lonely, but I do. I long for the closeness of a true girlfriend, one who I can bear my heart to. But ultimately I know God is always there for me, and really He is all I need. I am sure it is more me than any one of my friends. Maybe I am scared…

  44. Anonymous says

    Thank you so much for this post,your post described exactly what I'm going through and how I feel. I'm so lonely that it hurts to breathe, I long for Christian friends but being in a new time I haven't found any yet. I know that I need to lean on God during this time but I'm just finding it so hard to get out of this dark cloud. I'm off to read the verses that you suggested! Thanks again for this post!

  45. Saint says

    I was going through a search about loneliness, being a woman in the church, but extremely lonely. I am not married. Jesus saved me, planted me in under a very strong Man of God. I’ve been there for a number of years. When I first came in, the folk looked at me like I was crazy, because I do not look like “church folk” nor walk like or sound like church folk. Well, I went along like that, for years, then? I walked alone, ate alone, prayed alone, cried alone, and just lived alone. I got to a point, where I didn’t even celebrate my own birthday, I didn’t have NOBODY!!!

    I still hang by myself. I went through a major crisis, a loss of a sibling. The women came to help, beautiful gestures, but by now? I was totally “unhuggable” I didn’t want no one to touch me anymore. I have suffered so much rejection, so much profound pain and I just became unhuggable. Because I do not do superficial hugs, it caused that final rejection. I’m known as different, I am known as a loner, even in my family.

    I’m getting older, in the middle of middle age, hurting, unfulfilled as of yet, unloved and unwanted and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    I need some personal joy in my life.

  46. says

    You’ll probably never see this, but in hopes that you do…thank you so much for sharing this so long ago! I have been lonely for Christian friendships most of my life for one reason or another, and we just recently moved 5 hours away from the only place I’ve ever lived. We’ve been here for almost 3 months, and I feel like I’m not gaining any ground at all. We prefer non-denominational churches and there is only one in the whole town (completely different than we are used to), and it’s rather large. We’ve been faithfully attending for almost 3 months–every Sunday and every Wednesday night, and most people haven’t even bothered to speak to us or learn our names–even the pastor’s wife! There is only ONE person who has gone out of her way to actually speak to me most Sundays.

    I always read things by Christians about fellowship, and it all comes down to–just put yourself out there.

    I’ve been doing this, but it doesn’t seem to be working. And I disagree. I feel like if it’s your home church, then you have a responsibility to help people feel welcome (or at least attempt). If you invite someone to your house, then you should make them feel welcome, not ignore them once they get there.

    Anyway, thank you for being so honest and forthcoming about your own experiences.

  47. Christy says

    This was such a blessing to come across. I have been struggling with loneliness after the Air Force moved us to a detachment an hr away from the closest base. We are in an area where all our neighbors have beliefs that our different from ours. We are struggling to even find a church here. I know that God has a plan for us and maybe even a purpose for sending us here. Some days are just a little harder than others. Thank you for your encouraging words.

  48. Heather says

    This is just what my hurting heart needed! To see the affirmation that I’m on the right path seeking. We moved to a new state 3 months ago and I haven’t met anyone yet. I was really starting to become bitter because, when my husband and I moved, only a couple of people from our church family actually told us good bye or even acted like they were sad to see us leave. We had been actively involved in our church for years and considered everyone family. The last Sunday at church they announced it was our last day there and just a very few people said goodbye. It planted such a bitter seed in our hearts. So much so that we have struggled with finding a church in our new town. The women of the church that I had grown close with haven’t really kept in touch either and I had felt so close to them. I have been so lonely and so bitter since we moved. I kept feeling so hurt seeing them respond to other people’s posts on Facebook and they wouldn’t even respond back to messages I had sent them. My heart was feeling like it was literally breaking. These last 2 weeks I have been spending every spare moment in Gods word and just a few days ago I finally started feeling like my heart and spirit are healing! I feel closer to God than I ever have! I still have moments of loneliness but they’re not as bad as they were before! Thank you so much for your encouraging posts! God has definitely blessed you with a gift!

  49. Ashley says

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad I found it as I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. I did have some good Christian friends in college but have not kept in close contact with any of them and I really miss having that. I’ve been trying to get more involved with my church but it’s been hard for me to feel connected with other women there. This post was just what I needed!

  50. Jenny says

    I am currently struggling with this, as well. Even though my brain says I am not the only one it is nice to read it too. I am also a military wife. This is our first move and we have met a couple people we could become close too but it has been 8 months and I don’t feel close enough to anyone yet to completely open up with them. I was surprised that even though we found a church we love not many people there take the extra steps to invite us places or even just to have dinner. I did talk with one couple who are local at the church and they said that they had really good friends in the past who were military here, but it was always so hard for them because they would get close and then move in a few years. So, I guess I realized that we may need to make the extra effort to invite new people into our lives. While we fear not making friends they fear loosing more good friends. Really though we all shouldn’t fear anything when we have Christ is our lives! :) This is something we will face every few years as we move and then we have to be able to teach our children how to deal with this as well. As parents we will have to set the example on how to make new friends and show them that it is ok to leave old ones and make new ones!

  51. Rachel says

    Thank you for this. It was one of those times when I guess I knew the truth, but I wasn’t willing to recognize it or put all the pieces together or… whatever. God is good, regardless of what kind of season I am in. And He gives me what i need, regardless of what I think I want. So, thank you again, sister. Serving, ~R~

  52. Meshia says

    I’m glad I found this website. I feel like God has led me to it. I’ve been feeling lonely since my husband left for work. I wake up every morning feeling worn and depress. I try because because of the kids, but deep down I want to close my bedroom door and stay in bed all day. I feel so encouraged now.

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