How Important is Date Night To Your Marriage?

If this blog was written for male readers – I’d say – “Men – take your wives out!  She needs that face to face, eye to eye communication.  As she drowns in diapers, laundry and long to-do lists, a little reprieve with you will fill her love tank, give her strength to press on with her mundane tasks and build intimacy in your marriage.”

But my blog is written to wives and I suspect the majority of them do not go out on regular date nights for a multitude of reasons: lack of money, lack of having a good babysitter, husband’s not interested, kid’s schedules interfere with finding/making time to go out and the list goes on!

So how important is a date night to your marriage?

One reader wrote:

I’m just wondering how often you & your husband date or how often you suggest that couples w/ small children should date. I have 3 small children (3.5 years, 2 years, & 2 months). My husband & I just started once-a-month dating in the spring of this year. Right now I feel overwhelmed w/ my ministry as a mom & I want a little extra time to remember that I’m a Mrs., but I wonder if I shouldn’t take more time away from our family time. Does this even make sense? I know it’s really a simple issue, but I’m torn between taking another date night each month & keeping as much all-of-us-together family time as possible. I know you are in a different season, but do you have an opinion on this for my particular season in life?

Oh I love this question!  It’s so real – we really do wrestle with these things in life don’t we?  I’ve asked this very question before and have struggled with guilt at times when I was away with my husband. 

First, date night is not mentioned in the Bible. (*therefore, disclaimer you are about to simply read my opinions – I welcome other thoughts on this matter.) We do see a passionate love in the Song of Songs that shows we should always enjoy intimacy with our husband and seek quiet moments together – but I thoroughly believe with creativity this can be done in our homes.

Secondly, date night is cultural.  Many people around the world are just trying to put dinner on their table, much less find a night to go out on the town. 

Thirdly, our grandmothers most likely would not have known the term “date night” for married couples.  My own mother has told me that when I was a kid – she and my dad took us kids everywhere with them.  When they got together with other couples, they always included all of the children.  That was normal.  And my parents have been married for over 40 years!

 Here’s how I see it.  A good marriage is like an ice cream sundaeThe ice cream, hot fudge and whipped cream are your love, respect, communication, intimacy, communion with God, laughter, winks, prayer, tender kisses hello and goodbye, day in and day out forgiveness and faithfulness. 

A date night – is the cherry on top!  Must you have a cherry on top of a sundae to have a great sundae?  I suppose it’s all in your perspective.  Some women might focus on the cherry that is missing and completely miss out on the winks, tender kisses, intimacy and myriad of other things that go into a great marriage on a daily basis!   

My husband and I go in and out of date night seasons.  A few years back, we had a great college aged babysitter who came steadily for a year and a half every other week.  We made great memories during that time.  But she moved on and life got busy with the kids activities in the evening…right now 4 evenings a week our kids have an activity outside the home.  It just feels good to be home in the evening! 

So we started a date night in our home.  All summer long, on Saturday nights when the kids were in bed, we watched a video series on marriage together and then talked about it and enjoyed some meaningful time together.  Currently on Saturday nights we are reading one chapter in Love Dare each week and then we  try to live it out during the week.  It’s the daily love of listening, caring, respecting, being sensitive to the other person and forgiveness ,that builds a great marriage.  If you get to go out monthly on a date night – that’s the cherry on top!

Should you feel guilty for going out on a date night and leaving your children at home?  Only you can answer that.  How much time have you spent with them this week?  Who are you leaving them with?  Can you afford the things you do on date night? What does your husband think?   

If you know that your children are in a warm, loving environment and your husband wants to – go for it – and thoroughly enjoy this blessing of the cherry!  God gave us good things to enjoy and you should not feel guilty for enjoying alone time with your husband.  Many marriage counsellors recommend marriages that are struggling to implement a date night.  This time away from the pressure of home can really strengthen communication and connection.

Is your marriage stale?  Is there no way to get away for a date night?  No problem! You can have your cherry on top at home – here’s how! Flirt again.  Kiss again. Throw out your 5 year old pajamas and buy something new, rent a movie and cuddle together,  take a shower together or set up a massage area in a candle lit room!  A back rub to a husband is as flowers to a wife.  Give him a long back rub and watch him open up to you!  (You can get massage oils at Bath & Body works.) Make a pie, light a candle and sit down at the kitchen table and just talk together.  Take a book to the couch or bed and cuddle together and read together as a couple.

 Spice it up a bit – trust me – we aren’t doing date night outside the home right now – but my sundae has the cherry on top!  

 Song of Songs 1:2 says  “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth–for your love is more delightful than wine.”

With a little effort your sundae can have the cherry on top guilt free too!  Let your children see you delighting in your husband – it’s good for them!

Walk with the King!


**Please share with me, do you do date night and how do you do it?  I’d love to have feedback on this one – I’m always looking for new creative ideas!


  1. Sheila says

    My husband and I trade once a week with our friends so we each get a date night once a month.. it works out great for us both and our kids love hanging out with each other.. it makes it more affordable and we get to reconnect with our spouses, with no interruptions, and it’s not so often that we feel we are depriving our children.. I think it’s a great idea and I encourage other couples to give it a shot.. :)

    • says

      I look after my kids and my husband and please them a lot
      I miss my husband Jon when he is away and I pray a lot
      For my husband to come home safely I look after my kids while my husband is away
      My husband and I and our kids goes to church every Sunday morning
      Thanks mrs Orissa white

    • cindy peel says

      I have been trying to get a date night. I have my parents watching the kids but still waiting for my husband to do a date night. I ask him yesterday and he said someday we will. I ask him someday what you mean someday. he said someday when I feel better. he has candida and that is why he don’t feel like having a date night. any advice would be great. thanks. and is he making excuses or uses this as a crutch.

  2. says

    This is a well written post. I think that date nite must change based on the person you are talking to. I think that the key is to chase each other all the time. You know when you were dating.. there was the “chase”. It has to be a matter of lifestyle I think. We have done just like you, gone through seasons of out of house dates, walks around the property talking, sharing, in house dates. Thanks for sharing this post!

  3. says

    We often do date night at home. We get a movie from Redbox or play Wii together. Sometimes, we’ll just sit in the same room and talk, no tv. I’ve found that after we have some time just to have fun together, I feel much more connected to my husband and happy to be around him. It helps me remember the fun, awesome guy I married. Sometimes, we’ll even feed the kiddos early and get take-out. We rarely “go out” for date night, but the time together after the kids go to bed is very special.

  4. says

    We hardly dated at all when we were raising our children because it is very expensive. Now that our children are all grown, we date a lot! We walk along the beach and go out for breakfast or happy hours for cheap meals. There is a season for everything and we are in that season of having the time and money to date!

  5. says

    Date nights are awesome! We bought this christian kit from Family Life called Simply Romantic nights. –

    “Make your marriage sizzle with the newly revised Simply Romantic Nights®—it puts the wow! back into marriage. Filled with creative ideas to kindle sensational encounters and encourage intimacy.

    The resource pack includes:

    * 24 Romantic Adventures—12 cards for him and 12 for her, with complete plans for creative dates
    * A NEW companion book with proven ideas, tips, games, quizzes, and more for experiencing connection and intimacy
    * Coordinating “self-stick” notepad for brief love notes
    * Plus “his and her” favorites cards for planning special surprises”.

    We LOVE this kit! And you dont have to it once a month, there have been times weve only been able do it once every few months.

    • says

      We have had this since we got married (9 yrs!) and we haven’t used it yet…we need to!!
      Courtney, you’re very right about the change of what a date night looks like. And it takes effort to make it happen, no matter what it looks like (home date, night out, etc). It’s so easy as moms, especially of younger ones, to become too exhausted to even *think* about planning a “date”! I think I need to pull that kit out! :)
      We also have good friends with kids around the same age that we occasionally trade off date nights with-it’s great to know that the kids are in a wonderful home, having a great time with good friends, while my husband and I spend time together!

  6. says

    I have recently heard of the importance of having a date night with your spouse, especially once you have kids. It’s so easy to turn into roommates and forget to cultivate a growing relationship with one another. We have started going out on dates 3/month, when my mom can stay with our daughter. We do super cheap dates, that usually involve coupons, or just a trip to Starbucks so we can catch up without any interruptions. On the weeks that my Mom is not available, we watch a movie after our daughter goes to bed. We just started going through the book “Love and Respect” together on our date nights and I am so excited about this. I have read the book and think it is fantastic, but my husband does not enjoy reading like I do. Thankfully he is willing to read it together (we take turns reading every other paragraph so our minds don’t wander). I have also heard that the most important thing you can do as a parent is to have a strong, healthy marriage. I’m with my daughter just about 24/7 and my husband is home just about every night and weekend, so I don’t feel guilty taking this time to strengthen our marriage.

  7. Gayle says

    Hi Courtney,

    Thanks so much for sharing this post! So balanced and encouraging to women no matter what season we’re in! Right now we are still in the midst (although perhaps the latter part of the midst) of raising our 4 boys, so date nights surely do not happen as often as they used to. We feel it’s important that each of our boys has the opportunity for some one on one time with Dad, so each week my husband takes out one boy and then the “last” week is my turn. They get to do their things: watch movies I’m not interested in and eat nachos, plus the opportunity is there to share and talk as various things arise. We have a budgeted amount to spend each week and it’s not extravagant, but it’s the time together that is the main focus. My husband and I will also go out for a spontaneous coffee or run errands alone if we feel we need time together out of the house, or just close the door to our room and talk for awhile.

  8. says

    I completely agree with Courtney on this! My husband and I have had seasons where dates with a great sitter fit into our lives perfectly, and we are currently in a season where that is just not a great option. Just because my husband and I cannot go on a “date” alone together doesn’t mean we don’t strengthen our marriage. Like you, we talk, we snuggle, and we have little private moments at home. Just because we are not out on the town, spending money, and leaving our kids with someone does not mean that we are not enriching our lives and building happy memories =) When we do meet our next perfect sitter, we will put the “cherry” back on our marriage, but honestly I feel like we have so many intimate moments anyway- there really isn’t anything missing!

    When I need to get out of the house, and have personal time with my hubby- we often take a walk together. Our children are still pretty young, so we dont go far- we just go maybe 100 yards away from the house, turn around and do it again =) This time gets us out of the house and alone, but allows us to be within a safe distance from the boys (these walks take place while they are asleep, often we leave one cell phone in their room on “speaker” while we carry another phone that is on “mute” so we can hear them if they wake- just in case). Another thing we have done is go on workout dates together. We will go to they gym and take a class, or workout side by side while the kids are in the child care center of the gym. We also really enjoy playing games together- be it board games, computer games, or console games- they are so fun! We put the kids to bed, and then we get our game on!

    I love Courtney’s idea of baking a pie and sitting together- we have done things like that a lot! If my husband has to work late, I cook a really late dinner, and just the two of us will eat together! My husband and I try really hard to incorporate one another’s likes, which may mean that I watch sports games cheerfully, and another night he might help me make Christmas cards. Discussions, flirtations, and jokes are always a great time!

  9. Kim A. says

    Well said, Courtney!

    I like some of the others’ comments on creative ideas (Mellissa, we did the “walk around the property with phone that doubled as a baby monitor while the kids were napping” thing, too!) to leave behind the routine to have some “US” time.

    As much as I aim to multi-task–especially when trying to combine trips and conserve the gasoline, I try NOT to add errands into our RARE date nights out of the house. My husband wants my undivided attention, so saying, “Oh, let me run in here to Target to pick up a birthday card” kinda takes something away from our special time together.

    I think the bottom line is to spend FOCUSED, INTENTIONAL time with your spouse. The children will grow up and move out and who is left at home?! You will be thankful you cultivated the marriage relationship!

  10. says

    I agree that date night is a relatively new phenomenon, and though I enjoy the occasional date, I think that it is NOT necessary for a healthy marriage. I shared a blog here about this very issue on a Living Well Wednesday back in March. Here it is, in case you missed it:

    My husband and I have a regular movie/TV and dessert date night after the kids (ages 4 and 2) go to bed. We don’t have to go out and spend money to spend time together. :)

  11. says

    I’ve been married for almost 32 years, and we have rarely had official date nights. Some years we only went out once a year on our anniversary. It’s a nice concept, but women shouldn’t feel that’s one more added pressure, one more thing they have to do or schedule or their marriages won’t be what they ought to be. The key is to spend some time together in some way. It doesn’t have to be anything even date-y or marriage-y — just some extended time talking or playing a game, etc.

  12. says

    Great post, Courtney! My husband and I refer to my dance studio as our first-born child because it requires the amount of TLC that a child does (and sometimes the diaper-changing, haha!). We try to go out on date nights at least every other week–sometimes they are cheap dates to Bruster’s, sometimes they are stay-at-home date nights (like making smores and watching a movie), and sometimes they are dressed-up-and-out-to-dinner nights. :) That’s why I love that you brought up the stay-at-home-date night. My parents did that when my brother and I were little for several years because of the season of life, and it worked great for them. Dating your mate does not have to be expensive or ornate–it just has to be a meaningful, special time set apart specifically for you and your fella.

  13. Heather says

    Building intimacy in a marriage is incredibly important–how can you do so if you always include the children? In most cases, a lot of couples won’t date because they would rather come up with a million excuses. A young mom recently told me that she hadn’t had a night with her husband for over six months…and seemed rather proud of the fact. Her husband constantly looks miserable and unhappy. I wonder why.

    Our current generation seems to think that children come first, then marriage. Why not make it a point to have a date night or since that seems to be a cultural “term”…you could think about it as a Night Alone?? And about the problem with baby sitters? How hard is it to find an older couple willing to watch your children? My parents lived out in the boonies and still find elderly couples to watch their youngest child.

    It seems to boil down to priorities. Is your priority your husband or your children? Men want that time alone just as much, if not more, than you.

  14. says

    BEDTIMES!! Even just a half hour every night after the children go to bed is heaven, and revitalizing to our marriage. My husband is trying to complete his masters and he’s working full time so we’ll take what we can get in this season, but we make sure we get it. Oh, no tv during said 30 minutes, I don’t care how good the show is, you simply can’t connect when something is droning in the background. I’ve also been known to ask my husband to come home on his lunch break, which is typically during the kids nap times so that he and I can just have a moment together. Inconvient for him but worth it for us.

  15. Theresa says

    You know I didn’t even think about this in this way. My Beloved and I sit down most nights together to watch something just the 2 of us. I try to have everything done when he gets home from work so that we can have this time together. We don’t have TV in our home so, we watch all of these shows for free on-line. A few DVD’s are sprinkled in there too. Just another idea for having an in home date night! Also remember that your local library has cheap or free DVD renatals. Or just sit down and watch something you already have. The point is to have that time together.
    Yes, I too have that cherry on top!

  16. says

    we are newly married, so i guess this might change over time. but we LOVE date night. when we were dating and engaged it was a great way to ‘get away’ from the stresses of wedding planning/marriage prep and just hang out for a bit. now we’ve got a new home and a recent wedding behind us, so we’re not out so much, but we do try to intentionally do something one evening a week. (tonight! we’re watching the peasant princess – which you recommended courtney! and having dinner at home, i’ll make it special by lighting candles and playing music…) :)

  17. Darlene says

    I am in a different season with grown children but when my children were small, we had date night every other Friday night. There was a wonderful teenager in our church that my daughter (age 5) adored and she would come for about 2 hours and we would go out, sometimes just to McDonalds for a Sundae. We both worked outside the home, I felt guilty sometimes but my daughter always had a blast and loved it as much as we did. I feel it is very important to stay connected because when the children grow up and out, you need to have a strong relationship with your spouse.

  18. Michelle says

    My husband and I have been married for 23 years and it just gets better, and better =) Our children are in college (near-by and visits often – we love that) and in their senior year of high school. Enjoy your time while your children are young and you can have special things you do together every night, which might just be crawling in to bed early, playing a game, or watching a favorite TV show or movie. Light a fire or a lot of candles and break out a secret elaborate dessert just for the two of you. Bedtimes are great! Your children get their rest and you two get your time together! As they get older there schedules get busier and they stay up later. The weekends usually include friends and hopefully they will see your house as the place to hang out as our kids friends did (which is a blast), but to be alone gets more difficult. Teen years is when you are sometimes forced to leave the house to be alone together or switch your together time to morning lol! We actually have added that as one of our favorite times together. We light a fire in the morning, make coffee, turn on quiet music and sit in our jammies and talk while the kids are still asleep on the weekends. Then by the time the kids wake up we make a big breakfast. It is fun, cozy and feels a little like Christmas morning haha. Just thought it might be nice to have a little look down the road. Enjoy each season of your life and of your families lives, and be willing to adapt to find special moments together. =)

  19. says

    Hi Courtney,

    Since we no longer home school, my husband is fortunate enough to be able to work from home on Wednesdays. We have a “Date Day”. We truly enjoy each others company, going out to lunch or ordering something in. I love how we have rekindled our “courtship” intimacy. I thank God daily for it.

  20. says

    Really appreciate your response to this question…
    Are there times when date nights work and are needed and are WONDERFUL–YES!!!
    But if we aren’t having “date nights”…is that what I use to evaluate the status of my marriage–NO!!!
    As you wrote….seasons when it works…seasons when it doesn’t.
    And it surely is not what determines the strength/unity of a marriage…(love your comments about date nights being cultural and also pretty specific to recent generations).
    I do think it’s important to find ways to stay connected though–and sometimes it can be really simple. Last year my husband and I both listened through a series on the Song of Solomon (we didn’t even listen to it together…he’d listen on his drive to work) BUT–just even thinking on the same passages and hearing the same teaching drew us closer, helped us stay connected.

  21. Amanda says

    Thank you for sharing your opinion on this subject. We have four blessings and have rarely gone on dates. Not because we don’t like to, money has been the biggest issue. We have also had very poor experiences with babysitters and had to decided that it was way more important to our family to put our children first and sacrifice the “date night”. We have enjoyed more special times together staying home than we ever have before since that decision. Not that our times were bad, but for us the comfort of our home is a true blessing and we have done as you have said… flirt regularly, it’s great for our kids to see this and be a part to some degree. They know the love we have between us because they see this on an ongoing basis. It’s good for them to see us kiss and flirt and give each other eyes. We had our first date night in a year or so this summer… it was great. My parents were able to watch the kiddos as we were visiting them, the kids had their own date with Grandpa and Grandma and we were all blessed. Yet we still enjoy our time at night just as much. I think we too often took for granted those sweet times at night just after the kids went to bed. We are sticklers now. No kids are out of their rooms after 8pm. That’s our time. The summer is a little different, but overall, that is the rule. They might read or play quietly. I believe by doing this we set healthy boundaries for ourselves and our children. They need to honor our alone time and we need to be available to them…. and also honor our time. So just about every night we have our cherry on top…. sweet, special talks and intimate times. We just have to make it happen or it never will! :)

  22. says

    We don’t officially go out but maybe once a month or every other month. Our kids are still pretty small and go to bed early, so we usually do a fun night of talking, games, movie, dessert or tv at least once a week, but it isn’t scheduled. We just enjoy each other and it does happen often.

  23. Michelle Bonneau says

    Date night in our house is very very rarely a night out lol.This is our date night. Kids in bed 6pm All Attention turned off household and technical things 7pm. The next three or four hours are spent indulging each other. Whether its trading off massages, sitting curled up watching a movie the other has wanted to see. Sharing some sparkling cider and cute sweet dessert either bought for cheap or made together. Cooking together! Yes I said cooking lol my husband and I had a date night doing our canning we made 27 batches of pickles and honestly it was more romantic goofy and fun then any fancy dinner. Or Simply listening to cuddling with and reading to one another. Why do we need special nights to reach out why do we need Valentines days or other absurd things where we spend money to show our love my husband does it every day in simple things even if its just making coffee in the morning. Love is about the simple blessings God Gave us.

  24. Lyn says

    Courtney~as usual, your post was full of wisdom, balance and grace. Thank you. If you feel comfortable, I too would love to know what marriage series you watched. Blessings! Lyn

  25. says

    My husband and I love to do date nights, but mostly from home! With 3 boys, and one who is chronically ill babysitters are mostly out of the question so we rely on the wonderful grandparents. But both sets of grandparents live active, busy lives so they are not always avalible. And we would really rather save their services for events like weddings, or maybe a weekend getaway for our anniversary.
    We make sure we spend quality time togethter everyday, but sometimes that might only be 15 minutes! So, we like to plan out a weekend evening dedicated to each other. No TV, no phone, and definatly NO cell phones… Our favorite at-home date night is having fondue! We set our table with everything we need, turn down the lights, and play some music. Cooking/eating fondue takes a long time, so there is tons of time to talk, listen, and love! And theres nothing like dancing off the calories of fondue afterwards! Who needs to leave the house with fun nights like that! 😉

  26. says

    I have seven children ages 20 down to 21months! My 20yo used to be our built-in baby-sitter. But he has since moved on and we don’t have anyone locally to really “trade” date-nights with. :) But it’s OK! My husband I are doing just fine. And I totally agree with all the truthful points Courtney has made about historical perspective as well as cultural. I would LOVE to have my husband all to myself, but that’s just not possible right now. I choose not to dwell on it, and to have a positive attitude about it.

    It’s just hard to be married sometimes! Children, life, another human being all seem to pull at you and you feel as if you don’t have any more room for “you”. But this really is a pulling and a scraping of your flesh. “The two become one for a godly heritage” – it’s hard to become “one”. We aren’t really raise to be perpared to become someone’s wife and someone’s mom. It’s a lot of “be all YOU can be” and “you can be anything YOU want to be” – but no one really does classes on “be everything for someone ELSE”.

    Toddlerhood and babyhood are hard, but I think it was so hard for me because I wanted more “me” time. But God didn’t make me for ME, he made me for Him.

    I do go out with my best friend now and then, and I attend homeschool meetings. So I do get some time away. My husband goes golfing sometimes. We make it work. But we usually go out with our children. :)

  27. Angie says

    I loved your perspective on this. We don’t do ‘date night’. We go out for walks as the mood strikes us, usually up the hill for a coffee & donut, frappe or ice cream. Or we’ll sit down to play a game, watch a movie or listen to a podcast with the candles lit and some wine or coffee and some appies or dessert to nibble on. Nothing fancy and nothing contrived for the purpose of ‘keeping the feeling alive’. My daughter is grown and gone, but when she was here she was included in these things or not as she prefered to be.

  28. says

    We don’t do a specified “date night”, but there are times where one or both of us long for uninterrupted time to share our hearts, relax, and laugh. It is important that we stay tuned in enough to recognize those times. When our four kids were babies, we could put them to bed and have that time. Now that they are 3, 7, 10, and 11 (and all of the bedroom doors in our small house are centered around a tiny hallway), our alone times are few and far between. I know the consequences of having a child-centered marriage, and that is one danger we are striving to avoid. Last month we celebrated our 14th anniversary. We didn’t have a sitter, so we ordered take-out and picked up a Redbox, grabbed McDonald’s for the kids, and had our anniversary in our RV beside the house while the kids had McD’s and a movie in the house! Today, though, we would both agree that we are ready for a night away.

  29. says

    Guilt be gone! I love this perspective. Date night looms overhead like a thing we aren’t doing to make our marriage great, but it is GREAT even without it for EXACTLY the reasons you went over. Busy week, lack of time, lack of sitters and lack of a money tree. Thank you for this awesome FRESH encouragement on this subject!

  30. says

    My husband and I currently are doing date nights and trying to make them a fairly regular thing. We are fortunate to have our parents living close by who love to spend time with the grandkids when we go on our dates. I have never felt guilty going out on these special evenings with my husband. Our family will not be as strong if we are not a strong, connected couple. We see it as helping our family :)

  31. says

    Courtney, thanks for taking time to address this. Your wisdom is appreciated! You gave a completely different perspective than I’ve heard or expected. Of course I shared this with my husband & we were both challenged to continue seeking God’s will for us in this area.

    Right now our dates are once a month & whatever we choose to do at the time. We don’t always go out & we don’t do anything fancy when we do go out (only because that’s not what we enjoy). Our 2 boys stay w/ their grandparents while we’re gone. One month w/ my parents, the next month w/ my husband’s mom. The baby goes w/ us & will do so until she’s not nursing anymore. I am a stay-at-home mom so I’m w/ all of the kids all of the time. The time away is really good for all of us (the kids & Grands LOVE for us to go – ha-ha!!). However, after reading your post I think we will stick to once a month & start incorporating dates w/ our children individually. How fun!!

    Again, thanks for this post! I respect your views/opinions so much because they are always biblically-based. Even here, I love that you start off with “date night is not in the Bible”. Thank you for being genuine in your “walk with the King”. “…the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through YOU…” Philemon 1:7

  32. says

    thanks so much for this post! you’re so right in that date night looks different for everyone and needs to be applied differently for everyone. we have been married for 7 1/2 years and have been in a “culture” where date night is pretty normal, of which I am thankful. we have been doing a date night co-op for a few years now because childcare costs are our biggest hurdle. a few families join in together and take turns hosting date night while the other couples have free childcare to go out. so the same kids are always together, but we rotate houses. we put the kids to bed (all over the house!) and the parents pick them up later. it has been such a blessing. 4 families is an ideal number because you host and have childcare only once a month, but have 3 weeks of free childcare the rest of the month!
    love your blog!

  33. Kri says

    So very well written…I come from an Indian family(my parents in law lived with their siblings, my paternal grandma lived with us until her death…not tht I regret any of it). To my parents, kids were first, as we were growing up. Now that we have grown up, I see how my parents enjoy the time that they “lost” when my brother and I were younger. Little things like my (now-retired) dad makes coffee for my mom when she gets back home from work…how they always have dinner together…how they choose to walk to anywhere they have to get to, just so they get to take a walk together…how my dad will always hold my mom’s hand when they have to cross the street. These things have influenced me more positively than I would’ve imagined. I truly look to emulate the positivity that my parents displayed in their marriage, in my own. That display of love and affection between parents is one of the biggest gifts to children and I can confidently say that from my experience.

  34. A Wife says


    First I wanted to say thank you for your blog and your willingness to encourage other women. For the most part, I’ve always found your posts to be very inspirational to me. However, on this post, I left feeling discouraged. I had to ask, perhaps if I’m misunderstanding the intent of the post.

    I noticed that it seemed that women should feel comfortable that “date nights’ aren’t always going to happen. While I understand getting dressed up and going out for an evening all the time isn’t always going to work …I don’t see how it could be beneficial to NOT to set aside time for you and your spouse on a regular basis. The gist of the comments seem to portray that “kids” come before marriage (i.e. family dating?). How is this Biblical?

    In the Bible God used the marriage to describe Christs role as groom and the church body His bride. Why would He use this example, if it were not to be the most important relationship on earth? Yet, it often gets downplayed, and the role of “parents” are portrayed as number one priority, even above our role as children of God.

    The importance of walking with Christ should always come first. We set aside time to pray, read the Bible and commune with God each day. So isn’t it just as important to set aside time with just our Husbands as well? Even if it’s just thirty minutes in the evening of sharing, praying and talking together. You spend 8, 9, 10 sometimes even more hours with your kids. But, wives complain they have a hard time just setting aside a few minutes to focus on JUST their husbands?

    There was a testimony regarding a man who had be married for over 30+ years. He shared on the radio how his marriage was lonely, to the point it left him heartbroken. He longed for just quality time with his wife on a regular basis, but she always pushed him aside with excuses: “the children need me” “the dishes need to be done” “We have Bible study tonight”. He was lonely and unhappy in marriage, because his wife failed to put his needs first. How hard is it to send the kids to their room or to let dishes soak in the sink for a few minutes each night? If we aren’t willing to put husbands first, to spend quality time with them…there are many women out in the world who will.

    If women shouldn’t feel guilty for not having alone time with their husbands, because of the children, isn’t something incredibly wrong with the family set up? While “date night” may not be a term in the Bible, it was certainly implied (Song of Solomon, anyone?).

    I realize you may not even read this, but honestly hope that perhaps the issue of the importance of putting our husbands first could be addressed. Hope I’m not being offensive, just honestly concerned and discouraged by the gist of this post. :(

  35. says

    Excellent post! I have been married 27 years and have 6 children. There have been many seasons over the years where we haven’t had a lot of money! We have a small table with chairs in our room where we can enjoy a quiet meal together. When the children were small, we would wait until they went to bed (I needed to be consistent and planning toward it during the day) and then we would enjoy dessert and intimate time. When the children got older, I actually incorporated them into our date night preparations by having them set our little table, help make the meal and they often made a nice dessert.
    Because we involved them, one year for Valentines day, they set our dining room up to be like a restaurant. They made the meal and the dessert, had a beautiful presentation complete with music, candle light and flowers! They served our meal and then went off to eat in the living room while watching a movie. They left us alone to enjoy our time together. We periodically shower together and also give each other a massage. I think one of the most important things to pulling off an “at home date night” is making the decision in the morning and keeping that as the focus as you are getting yourself ready for the day. Wearing something that you know your husband will really like under your clothes can help keep your mind and heart looking forward to the evening so that you don’t let something else “steal” your focus from you. My two cents! :)


  1. […] A date night – is the cherry on top!  Must you have a cherry on top of a sundae to have a great sundae?  I suppose it’s all in your perspective.  Some women might focus on the cherry that is missing and completely miss out on the winks, tender kisses, intimacy and myriad of other things that go into a great marriage on a daily basis!   ~Women Living Well […]

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