“For the marriage series, could you cover disappointment? Going into a marriage thinking you are on the same page spiritually, but you find out after that you’re not, and not knowing before the “I do’s” that there would be such an issue with laziness? Resentment sets in, and years get lost while hoping and praying for your husband to be the spiritual leader and provider that you thought he was going to be? It affects every aspect of the relationship, and it’s hard to reconcile your life and dreams with reality, especially as time passes so quickly.”
Another Anonymous wrote:
“I am experiencing the same issue. Thank you for your consideration on this topic.”
I am so sorry for your disappointment Please know that you are not alone. We all experience disappointments in marriage. I hear 3 concerns in your question: Disappointment with expectations; Disappointment with your husband’s spiritual leadership; and Disappointment with your husbands work ethic. So let me address these issues one at a time.
1. Disappointment with Expectations
False expectations can be formed while dating. As you both try to win each others hearts, both parties put their best foot forward and seek to please each other. The reality is character qualities that we did not see during the dating years will rear their ugly heads as new seasons of life bring new challenges. Does that mean we married the wrong person? No!
How we handle our husband’s short comings reveals more about our own character than our husbands. Bitterness, resentment, harsh words and a critical spirit are not character traits our husbands expected to see in their wives. The truth is usually both parties change a bit in the way they selflessly love.
So what do we do? Let go of your expectations, remain steadfast in faithfulness to your marriage vows and remember that you married a sinner who needs grace – the same grace Christ gave us at the cross. Look into his eyes – deep into his soul – most likely there is a hurting man inside. He may be suffering from fear of failure, insecurity masked in a big ego, maybe wounds from childhood, and wounds from your marriage. Pray God brings a spiritual and hard working role model into his life. Disrespect rarely motivates a man. So try something new in your marriage – sit down and write out 5 things you love about your husband and tell him!
2. Disappointment with husband’s spiritual leadership
This problem is a serious epidemic in Christian marriages and possibly the #1 reason Christian marriages are failing. It is very hard for wives to respect and follow a man that they are not trusting to lead them in God’s ways. But disrespect is rarely a motivator for a husband.