Could you talk about how to handle when your husband is not on the same page as you are in feeling God telling you to be home with your children. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. I’m afraid I will resent him in this area for the rest of our lives! I’m also afraid when he realizes that I should, it’ll be too late. =(
No matter what the issue is – when we do not feel on the same page as our husbands it hurts. As women, we have a need to feel understood and being understood completes the intimacy that we long to experience in our marriage. But here’s the kicker…your husband longs to be understood also – actually - he longs for you to highly respect his opinions…just like during the dating days when he could do no wrong. So you are at a stale mate. Let’s consider the situation.
There are a lot of factors that go into making a decision like going to work. How many children do you have? What age are they? Is there a need for childcare? What is your financial situation? Do you have heavy debt, college coming up for the kids, is your husband out of work, ill, or working in a field that is not secure right now? And what is your husband’s reason for your working? Is there some grain of truth or a respectable reason for why he wants you working?
I would suggest that you go to him (after 1-2 weeks of prayer) with creative alternatives that are well thought out and planned to show him. Giving your husband concrete information will help him as he processes your different perspective. Here’s some things you could do:
1. Evaluate places where you could possibly cut back and save money. Make a list to show him the total savings. Read some of these blog posts by Money Saving Mom . She is a Godly woman who writes her blog to help women just like you!
I highly recommend you look into some of Dave Ramsey’s Resources, subscribe to his newsletter and really focus on showing your husband by your actions (not just words) that you are ready to work hard to cut corners and save money.
2. If your family cannot make it without your income, look for ways you can earn money from home. My oldest sister (who is married to a pastor, homeschooled for 7 years, has done inner city ministry with the youth for over a decade and is an amazing cook, keeper of the home, wife and mom) is a virtual teacher from home with a regular paying salary. Nowadays there are many jobs that can be done from home. Pray and look out on the web for jobs you might be qualified to do from home.
Here’s more advice from Money Saving Mom:
3. If making money from home is not a good option – consider looking for a part-time job. My other sister – who stayed home until her children began attending school full-time, is a beautifully Godly wife, mother, homemaker, and co-laborer with her husband in ministry for over a decade. She is financially savvy and could tell you where to get every deal in town! She works just 2 days a week in her children’s Christian school. It is perfect because she rides to school with them, can see them through out the day, has summer and holidays off with the kids and still has time to keep her home and serve along side her husband at church. Keeping a part-time job could be a good compromise for you both?
If none of these solutions work and he is not giving you the option but rather saying ” you must work” then sweet Anonymous… you need to submit to your husband, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22 says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”
Many women are godly wives and mothers and earn income. What this means is your life will be a bit fuller…you will have to be a good manager of your time to keep up with your family’s needs and you may need your husband and children to chip in with housework. While your children are in your home, you will need to say a strong “no” to many opportunities that come your way for fun or ministry. These “no’s” are only a sacrifice for a season. I have found this to be comforting on days when I must say “no” to fun or ministry opportunities because of homeschooling. The children will eventually grow-up and this guard on my time, will expand to include the things I wish I could do right now.
Your challenge will be finding contentment and joy in the midst of submitting to your husband in this area.
I wrote a post, long ago, about how I dealt with some bitterness in my marriage …here’s how it began…Dare I admit that it was my husband who first detected my bitterness. In the midst of a heated discussion a few years ago – my mouth overflowed and he was shocked and immediately he said – you are really bitter about some things! That was a dagger in my pious heart. In my pride, I certainly was not about to admit that he was right…but when I opened up my prayer journal that night and began to pray and talk to God I was completely convicted. The Lord had used my husband to open my eyes to a poison that was eating me up – bitterness. (To read more click here.)
In closing, I want to remind you that the Proverbs 31 woman was creatively industrious and brought in an income.
Proverbs 31:24 “She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.”
Readers - have you been in her shoes? Do you have some wisdom you could share with women in this position? Please share it in the comment section.