God has given us clear direction in the Bible that the husband is to be the leader of our homes. Because each man is unique that means each of our homes will be unique. Our leaders are all going to lead differently.
My husband runs 2 businesses, so he works long hours – when he comes in the door he is whipped. He needs a warm meal, a cold drink and some lovin’! I do not ask him to bathe the kids or do dishes because he needs to decompress from the stress of his work.
My husband is a detail guy – he is very clear about what he likes and does not like. He likes heavy starch on his shirts, an endless supply of granola bars and water bottles in the fridge and he expects coats always to be hung on their hooks.
After 14 years of marriage, I have learned his likes and dislikes. Through conflicts (that’s code for fighting lol!) and long talks (sometimes tears) I have learned to keep the endless supply of things he loves, hang the coats and spray heavy starch on his shirts! This goes two ways in our home. My husband has learned what music I like, restaurants I prefer, and how I hate running late. As a result, we rarely have conflicts over the small stuff anymore because we both aim to please.
The Biblical principles that we apply to our marriages should be the same but how this is carried out in our homes will look different. Your husband is not my husband but my God is your God, so our principles should match!We must all respect our husbands. (Ephesians 5:33)We must all submit to our husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 24)We must all be a helpmate to our husbands. (Genesis 2:18)
Be sure to visit these brilliant women during our 10 days adventure between November 7th-18th! I love these ladies and we know you will too.
10 days of Character Studies | Confessions of a Homeschooler
10 days of Christmas Countdown Ideas | Milk & Cookies
10 days of Creative Writing | Chocolate on My Cranium
10 days of Crockpot Meals | The Happy Housewife
10 Days to a Godly Marriage | Women Living Well
10 Days of Growing Leaders | Mom’s Mustard Seeds
10 Days of Homeschooling High School | Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
10 days of I Wish I Had Known | Fruit in Season
10 days of Keeping Your Marbles | The Tie That Binds Us
10 days of Kid-friendly Food | Planner Perfect
10 Days of Language Arts Lesson Planning | Jimmie’s Collage
10 Days of Learning Apps | Daze of Adventure
10 Days of a Mason Jar Christmas | Cajun Joie de Vivre
10 Days of More JESUS in Christmas | Preschoolers and Peace
10 Days to a Peaceful Home | Raising Arrows
10 Days of Raising a Life-Long-Learner | Bright Ideas Press
10 days of Science with Math | Blog, She Wrote
10 days of Teaching Values | Our Journey Westward
10 days of Winning your Child’s Heart | I Take Joy
Amen Courtney! Loved this post! Especially loved…”Your husband is not my husband but my God is your God, so our principles should match!” This is so true. It is so important to look at your own husband and your own marriage, and not someone else’s when building a strong and lasting relationship.
I love reading your blog. I’m only 19 and am not on the path to marriage quite yet (though I wish I was lol), however its fascinating to learn these things now rather than later. More women like yourself and janelle etc. are who need to be role models. Not the celebrities (who I won’t name). Keep up the great work. (p.s. i think u may have accidentally blocked me on fb from the wall or something because I can’t write on it, but i’ve never written on it before
)
Thanks Annette for your encouargement – you are going to make some guy a blessed husband some day!!!
You can’t comment on facebook…that’s odd?? I only block people who swear or make inappropriate comments…so if you have not done that
then I have not blocked you. Are you sure you are “following” or have “liked” the page? So sorry about this – it may be a tech gliche and I’m not very techy – I have no idea how to fix it – maybe unfollow and refollow it???
Sorry
Courtney
My husband likes a clean kitchen and time spent together, among many other things. I think the starch thing was funny, my hubby would HATE that.
I remember when we first had children (in quick succession), I’d expected my husband to split the “night duties” 50/50 (I don’t know why, because I was nursing!). At some point, he explained that since he was the one working every morning, he had to get as much sleep as he could. At first, I resented it, but I soon realized that he was totally right…I could often sleep in, but he couldn’t. My husband is always quick to help out, but I really appreciate that he had the courage to “burst my bubble” about night duties–that way I wasn’t demanding more from him than he was able to give, when his primary duty was to provide the money for us to eat and have a place to live! I’m not a submissive wife by nature, but I’ve found that I grow so much when I do.
Great post and a good reminder to look out for the areas of conflict to better understand each other. Thank you.
Courtney, this post (and series) couldn’t have come at a better time. I have been so focused on my wants this weekend and not considering my husbands wants (or needs). I will have to do some thinking about past fights and what his strong likes and dislikes are. And, if I come up empty handed, I’ll ask! Thank you, once again, for speaking into my life.
I love this post! Sometimes we feel like there is this “perfect” formula for a “perfect” marriage, but every marriage really is different. But I agree that our husbands are the leaders (not tyrants, as Satan would make them out to be) of our homes.
My marriage is different in that since I’m six months pregnant and we have a four year old who has special needs, my husband does help with bathing and lifting her for me. But he does love when I cook meals and fix him cold drinks! And he brings me flowers on a regular basis, and praises me publicly all the time! I think we are learning to love and submit to one another, and we both try to spoil each other! It makes for a very fun and happy marriage!!
It took me a couple years to understand that respecting our husband’s looks different in each family… a lesson I learned the hard way!
My husband like yours Courtney is in essence running two business’s (sub contracting/excavating and farming) till he comes in at night he is exhausted. He has absolutely NO house responsibilities!! He is 100% involved in the well being of the children, disciplining and spiritual leadership but he has no responsibilities in maintaining their appearances (baths, diapers, getting dressed ect.)
What he does like is 3 meals a day(Thankfully I am only responsible for for all 3 on weekends and since he knows my complete dislike for anything involved in functioning in the am hours usually we go out for breakfast or even better he will use breakfast as a date/ 1-1 time with the kids). He requires MEAT in every meal that he wants served to him, Barq’s root beer and Tea Cooler ALWAYS in the fridge, a wife that jumps when he says go :0)
What a great idea for a post! My husband and I have been on walking a hard road when it comes to our relationship and after lots of praying, talking and actual communicating; we are committed more than ever to each other.
We are making sure that we have date night at least once a week and that we pay attention and honor the things that each of us likes/dislikes.
Thank you for the post
Exactly!
I love this!!! I think of my job as making my husband’s job (life) easier and more enjoyable. What can I do to serve him? Coke is definitely one of my husbands requests and sweetened iced tea. I’ve tried to make it my goal to never be out of some of his favorites so they are available when he wants them.
I think I’m going to love this series (as always!). My husband likes me to be available, spontaneous and clean up dishes in the sink! There is lots more, but he doesn’t require me to do anything. He knows that with two little ones it’s hard to get much done and he’s amazed at all I do. He always tells me that he should thank me more, but I know he appreciates that I try to cook meals even though he is a much better chef than I and right now our kitchen is brimming with all his canned goods that he’s made recently (pasta sauce, enchilada sauce, grape juice, salsa and more!). We are a unique team because we are so different and I’m so happy that God made us that way.
My husband loves popcorn (microwaveable, not the healthy freshly popped kind), and for me to watch his softball games. He like the TP restocked in the bathroom and thinks it’s so cool when I have his tolietries (hair gel, shaving cream, razors, toothpaste and the like) stocked up.
He’s pretty self-sufficient, likes to cook and do dishes and if he’s hungry he’ll make something and not ask me to do it, even though I like to do stuff like that for him.
I love this reminder! Sometimes it’s so easy to end up in situations where we feel pressured to order our lives just like someone else’s. And yet it’s true, my husband is an individual and his way of leading our house won’t be the same as others. For example, my husband likes to think while he’s cleaning up after dinner so I always cook and he always cleans up. However, I know lots of marriages that definitely wouldn’t work that way.
My husband could care less about a clean house (in fact, he doesn’t even notice if the house is a wreck). His biggest request is to be able to watch sports. He is NOT a cook…at all! He likes to have fresh veggies and less meat (a big adjustment for a meat-and-potatoes farm girl!).
Thanks for this post. It’s such a trap we fall into–comparing our lives/relationships with others and feeling discontent when they aren’t the same. I remember when I first found your blog, thinking it was crazy that your husband didn’t do any house work to help you. But obviously it’s what works for your family and doesn’t have to work for mine! As long as we’re following the Biblical example of marriage, the details aren’t what matters (in a figurative way!).
This series sounds wonderful; and I agree wholeheartedly with this post.
My husband likes a snack of 6-8 tater-tots when he comes home from work, before eating dinner! LOL That is his thing, so I make them!
) My husband loves broccoli, but seasoned WITHOUT pepper (one of those “little” things that I had to learn early on in marriage. (“Little” is code for “conflict”! LOL) My husband likes a thick bar of soap; soap that even remotely looks like it’s on it’s way to becoming thin, he’d rather do without. So, I keep the bathroom cabinet stocked with fresh bars of soap beacause at any moment, he may declare that a bar is too thin!
Those are some fun things about my man, and why my marriage looks different from yours! Thanks for the encouragement, Courtney!
I love to see the journey God has brought you on in this blogging about marriage. I remember watching that RR show and literally crying. “I’m not like Courtney and my marriage doesn’t look like that.” I think you have done a great job addressing that in the past and in this post!
Hi Courtney! Couldn’t agree more with this post! Thanks for the reminds! We will be married 10 years come Feb. and its nice to be reminded of these things!!!
Blessings,
Stacey
Looking forward to this series! My husband and I have been working to get back to a Godly marriage – so this is perfect timing!! Since I am a working mother / wife – my husband really only expects the most basic. Coke is always a must in the fridge! Plus a good meal every night and some quiet time once the girls are in bed.
Love this Courtney! Yes, every hubby is different….just like all of us are! It makes life interesting
The world knows that Geoff likes a nice lookin sock drawer, hehehe.
My husband likes meat and potatoes for dinner, cans of Coke in the fridge and his sink clean, in that order, no kidding!! Those are probably the 3 most important things to him other than…..
I want to say thank you so much for this post! My husband and I face constant criticism because we dont fit the “ideal” husband in charge role or what our family’s perception of it is and its so nice to hear someone say that is different! We love cooking together its one of our Joys but we catch slack for it. He lets me pay the bills because he knows that’s my strong point but I consult him before I do. He pauses before making decisions and thinks things through and always asks my option. So people are constantly praying for him to “step up and be a stronger leader” after seven years we have learned each others strengths and weakness and love and have learned how to compliment each others points. I can honestly say you cheered my heart and eased my mind with this post. From the bottom of my heart Thank you.
When it comes to marriage, I always found that I didn’t *need* much help in that area (I need it all in my parenting!)…but day 1 you convict me. I guess there is always room for improvement.
My husband is one of those who loves to cook. In fact I’m a stay at home mom and when my husband comes home from working all day, he cooks dinner. It relaxes him!!!
I had to think about what you said…hmmm…what are some of his dislikes?…what are some things he has gotten frustrated with? He hates coming home and seeing a mess. Yes I keep a clean home, but he hates seeing toys all over the floor and everything messy. So now I have a plan in action.
If the man can come home and cook us dinner after working all day, then this place can be cleaned up for when he walks through the door.
Thanks for always finding an area that convicts me and helps me grow!!!
Well said. Never before have we needed this message going forth into a selfish, dark world than now. Thank you.
I have realized that while many principles remain the same, sometimes our needs change throughout time and both partners need to adjust. Our rule in the home has always been whoever gets home first – makes dinner (we both love to cook). However, when I have gotten pregnant all I could do is make it through work and sleep (exhaustion was my #1 pregnancy discomfort). My hubby quickly picked up the slack and I cooked only like once a month during my pregnancy. When I stay home more – I do more of the housework and the cooking. I am grateful you addressed that Courtney – many women feel condemned (as I have felt) when they don’t manage 100% of their house chores effectively. They feel like they are not a good enough wife or I talked to some women who start resenting their husbands because they can’t provide enough income for the women to stay at home and take care of everything. But the truth is – people are different, marriages are different – and as long as we seek to please God in everything we do – there is no “RIGHT” schedule to follow.
Great post Courtney! I just came from Time Warp Wife where Joy from GraceFullMama wrote a wonderful post on what submission to her husband looks like. I had to agree with her. My husband doesn’t care too much about what the house looks like, he likes healthy meals because he is very health conscious but most of all, he wants me to be happy so I can be loving and kind. My MOOD is what he focuses on the most. He wants the LOVING more than the SERVING. I serve him best when I’m giving myself to him, rather than all the acts of service which can leave me irritable or unavailable. He’d rather come home to a messy house and me greeting him with a smile and a kiss than a pristine house and me tired and in a bad mood. OUR MEN ARE UNIQUE SO OUR MARRIAGES WILL BE TOO.. love the message!
Courtney, this is a really good things to keep in mind for a girl preparing for a future husband. So many times I assume my future husband will want certain things or be a certain way based on my father’s likes and dislikes. But you are so right I will need to make time to figure out what MY husband needs and not just assume his needs are the same as my mother’s husband. Do you ever recommend setting aside a time once a week or once a months to discuss with your spouse what you each are finding that you need or greatly desire from the other? Or should this just be spontaneous?
Thank you!
I love this post! I agree. I have recently started reading the book “Created to be his helpmeet” by Debi Pearl. I love it, and it talks about rejoicing in our callings as gift brides, and helpmeets to our husband.
It has changed my whole outlook on marriage, and cleaning house/cooking/whatever!
. LOL I love your post and if you love to cook and have a warm meal and cleaning for him then that’s great! My husband works all day and is exausted but then again, I homeschool 6 children and clean so I have to have some help when he gets home. I am just as exausted at the end of the day. But he mostly just helps get the kids in bed when he gets home if they are still up. Only time my husband helps with the meals is on saturdays or sundays when he is home. He in unhappy if he comes home to a mess, so I am striving to have it cleaned when he gets home. if it isn’t, then I clean up before going to bed.
Thanks Courtney for posting this! A while ago you posted a list of 5 things that you do for your husband and then you asked him to rate them according to what was important to him. I did that exercise for my hubby and it was such a blessing to our marriage! His top priority (which I was completely shocked by) was to have a hot, homemade dinner when he comes home from work! I would never have guessed that. I love to cook and take care of my family in that way so almost every night when he comes home, we have a home-cooked dinner and he is always telling me what a blessing I am to be married to. I love hearing those words come from him! Thanks for sharing that and blessing our marriage.
I really needed to read this right now, thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the reminder, I sure needed it today. My husband likes a gallon of tea made when he gets home, he likes meat and potatoes, and all company to have left our home by 930 pm. I love cooking and experimenting in the kit hen and get offended when he won’t try different dishes I make. Shame on me for trying to change that hard working man God blessed me with. I will be taking a different approach. Thank you again.
Thank you for this great lesson and reminder. I am like you in that I do all the cooking. The kids and I joke that on Daddy’s cooking night we will be eating fried chicken from the box.
I will admit that i try to have a warm meal on the table when my husband comes home, however, he does not always eat it as he is very picky and just wants meat and potatoes. I have been reevaluating my meal planning and trying some new dishes and getting his feedback on whether he likes it or not, so that we aren’t always eating meat and potatoes. 
<3 this Courtney, as always. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and being so honest!
What a great article! After 8 years of marriage I am still learning what my husband likes and dislikes. He doesn’t like dishes piled in the sink. If the dishwasher is full her prefers for dishes to be stacked on the counter instead. He likes to have his cookie making supplies stocked for when the urge hits to make cookies. He likes the car to be cleaned out which is something I really struggle with! lol..we are very different, but we make it work! Which is exactly what God created us to be! I can’t wait for the rest of the series!
Thanks for this great reminder! As I read, it immediately came to my mind that we’re out of the homemade granola I make that Jonathan loves. I should probably make another batch – I think that would be something HE would appreciate.
Good post! Every husband is unique:) My husband would be heartbroken if he didn’t get that time with our kids in the evening during bath time:) And they each get some one on one time with Daddy:) Love this post!
My husband likes to know where things are at… everything should have a place. He loves a picked up, clutter – free environment.
I need to continually work on this…
Thanks Courtney!
Love,
Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com
I know that most men would love a homecooked meal after they’ve had a bad day; my dad was just like that. He didn’t care what we had for dinner as long as it was made with love by my mother. My husband though, if he has a bad day, would rather have Wendy’s than anything that I could ever fix for him.
My husband was raised by an on the fence JW which makes his walk a very difficult one to say the least. My biggest downfall is I read books like YadaYada Prayer Group or see my friends at church and their spouses and beat myself up because my husband is not like the ones I am reading about or am thinking I am seeing in front of me. This is something I have been working very heard on with God’s help. I am learning to be happy with what I have been given. I can tell you one of the things I have learned my husband hates is shoes all over the house so I work hard to go around and gather them all up and put them in the correct closets. With a four year old who tends to grab everyones shoes and clomp around the house in them, this is a real chore in and of itself! LOL. My husband also expects me to have dinner planned each night so he is not left guessing. ( I am usually at work come dinner time) I have tried hard to do these simple things. Really, its not asking a lot.
I appreciated this post. Marriage is all about teamwork.!! Teamwork includes knowing likes and dislikes along with strengths and weaknesses. Thanks so much for writing this one.
Blessings
April
God has shown me in the past few months about letting go of some things in my life. One of which is in my marriage. I am a control freak, I like everything my way (who doesn’t?) and lately I have realized that trying to be in control, puts me SO OUTTA CONTROL!! I am very outspoken and I kid about my children not having a filter, well I would say apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. So I am working on that as well. Was blog hopping, (not sure how I got here) but I love that I hopped right here for this 10 Days to a Godly Marriage. I know that my husband is and shoulfd be the leader of our home, and bless him, he is so laid back he has let me just “do” . I owe him so much thanks for putting up with me and loving me in spite of all my control/worry issues. He has always givin me the the “Oh ye of little faith” speach, and I roll my eyes and think, He just doesn’t get it. No, its me that just doesn’t get it. His faith is so different than mine, and he loves me unconditionlly, just as Christ does. Thanks for this! I love when God confirms what He is working on in me!!
My marriage is very different from yours. LOL My husband works at home, but our hours are completely different. My husband goes to bed somewhere around the time I wake up (by choice, as he seems to work better at night). He wakes up sometime in the mid-afternoon. He makes himself breakfast (as he prefers) and works straight through until dinner (and sometimes even through that). He works 6 days a week, sometimes 7. The kids and I are alone pretty much all the time and I have very much learned to appreciate our occasional “days off” with Pop. The kids and I do most of the home repairs and yard work, so we are really learning how to be Keepers of our Home. It has been challenging, but the Lord has taught us how to rely on Him and appreciate what we have.
Let me first start off by saying that I am happy for you if you have a happy marriage with your husband. However, I have the best marriage of anyone I currently know or have known at any point throughout my life – and I absolutely do not “submit” to my husband. Do you not think that a marriage between a man and a woman can be equal and be just as happy? We are equals and that is what makes our marriage work. We both put in the same amount of effort because we love each other and care about each other. We are going on our 9th year of marriage and I would just like to say that a happy marriage does not have to be one in which someone submits to the other person. So please do not let the confines of religion teach you that you should have to be a submissive wife to be a happy wife. It is simply not true!
To Denise: I think you misunderstand our idea of submitting. Submission is not being a slave, it is not being a doormat, and it isn’t not being equal with our husbands. Too many women perceive submission as weakness. Our husbands would gladly admit we are equal, we just have different roles. Submission is the understanding that someone has the responsibility of the final decision. It is not that he is necessarily always right, but that the “buck stops here”. That is my husband’s role. A two headed creature, in any situation, is a monster! It is abnormal. My husband is the head and I don’t have a problem with that. Him leading is a huge responsibility, one I gladly hand over. My willingness to allow him that God given role, shows my strength as well. The strength to relinquish control and allow someone else to lead. You try letting someone else lead your life and tell me that doesn’t take strength of character! Submission is not the husband bossing his wife around, but that he simply leads the family.
As for submission being a religious idea, you are sadly mistaken. Submission is used by many who are not “religious” as well. Everyone submits to some type of authority in life, that is just the way life works. How is this different? I believe most of these ladies would agree with me when I say, we are not religious. I have faith in my Creator, who has chosen to speak to me through His written Word. In choosing to have a relationship with Him, there are certain instructions that He has laid out, which enable me to live a better life and ensure my future happiness. His Word tells me that in order to please Him, there are certain roles that need to be fulfilled. If I want to please my Maker, I need to submit first to His authority and instruction, which tells me that my role is to defer to my husband’s judgement (opinions). If I have a problem with these roles, then what I am really saying is “I have a problem with God and how He chooses to run things.” I am simply a created being, not the Creator. If this is the way He chose to set things up, there is a reason. That is enough for me. I submit to my husband, because God says it is best.
In return, I might add a few additional notes. My husband also is to submit (most women don’t remember this part), he is to submit to the Lord! Also, religion is not the same as relationship. What I have is a relationship with my Maker, not a religion that worships tradition. My Maker has placed me here for a purpose, to please Him, not to be happy! Sometimes we get the two confused. If I serve Him, I will be happy; but that is a byproduct of a Christ centered life. Happiness is the not the end goal, but holiness and bringing glory to God.
Lastly, you stated that we are bound by the “confines of religion”. I wish I could show you what a relationship with the Lord is like. Religion can’t touch it. Whether or not you believe in God, is a matter between you and Him. I only pray that the Lord would meet you right where you are and show you Himself. Relationship beats religion any day of the week!
amen! My husband detests yard work, but loves putting away laundry. I do all the yard work, gardening and landscaping and when he is home (he travels a lot) – he will fold and put away the laundry. He also will on occassion sweep the floors and make the beds before I can even get to it. I am ok with this…some of our friends tease him about it, but that is how our house works. Now, since he travels a lot – 90% of the time all the chores fall on me – and so when he is home he likes to help out and feel part of the household. He also voluntarily helps with our son because he wants to make up for having to be gone so much.
Every family is different with different dynamics. What is important is that your household is happy, functional and living in the Word.
My husband loves a home cooked meal when he comes home and time to relax with just me. He is happiest when I am happy, so I try to keep my stress and bad moods at bay. A lot of prayer and quiet time goes a long way for us both. He hates trying to find black socks in the morning and mushrooms. He enjoys a picked up home, home cooked food and when I find new ways to save money around the home. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it is a very blessed one indeed.
I enjoyed reading this post as well. We all need to remember that every household and marriage and NEEDS are different but living by the principles GOD has set forth, then we can all have the peacful, loving marriage that is RIGHT FOR US!
http://wifemotherfirstlady.com/2011/11/meditation-monday-live-your-dreams-and-not-in-fear/
Great post.
I love when I meet my husbands needs, and I kind of feel like a failure when I don’t…but only because he is so supportive and always strives to meet my needs.
A few of the little things he needs: yogurt in the fridge and a packed lunch for the day, the toilet paper to be put on the dispenser facing down (lol), a little free time in his man-cave to relieve some stress, and a lot of reassurance that I appreciate him. Most days I find it so easy to do!!
http://myhappilyeverafteragain.blogspot.com/
This is a great post! I look forward to following it over the next 10 days! Anyway you could post some encouragement for Christian wives who are unequally yoked? My husband has wonderful qualities, but also some very worldy ones as he is unsaved. I rarely find anything written for us who struggle to submit to an ungodly husband.
Thanks for your words of encouragement!
Hey Carrie,
I found a great book on this topic called, “When He Doesnt Believe” by Nancy Kennedy. Its a good read if you are looking for more on this topic.
I do really love this post. So many times people tend to think marriages are supposed to look a certain way, but that just isn’t real life! My husband likes food ready to eat when he gets home, clean laundry (& towels), and our bed made. He is, thankfully, very easy to please.
My husband doesn’t usually cook either LOL! But when he does, it’s usually better than mine! Too bad I can’t get him to do it full time hee hee! Erica http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com
Great post. Put me back into perspective. So many times I fell like I am the only one out there that is doing a million things. Thank you for bringing me back to reality!!!
Great clarification! I think some probably take some of this, like the Rachael Ray spot, for instance, too literally as what you’re saying ‘all’ marriages should look like. And you’re right, they won’t all look the same! I love what you said about we may love different men but serve the same God. That’s so true even beyond marriage, but just in Christian living in general. A good point to remember!
It is so good to remember this. We are all unique! There are biblical principles to live by, but they are worked out differently in every home. My husband doesn’t cook anything except eggs and French Toast occasionally. But he tells me every day that he loves me like crazy, and hugs me in front of the kids.
I really enjoyed this post. I am slowly learning many of my husband-to-be’s likes and dislikes. He LOVES home cooked meals. He is always on the go and at his house the home cooked meals are hard to come by. So, when I cook he usually comes and gets a plate or two. Being a Southerner, food is a big deal and I love seeing him love my cooking lol. Do you feel there is anything you could’ve done to learn these things quicker to cut down the conflicts or as time passed you just discovered more about each other (with “on the job” training” which lowered the conflicts?
What works in one marriage won’t work in all of them. I remember once that our fence needed painting and there were dishes in the sink that needed to be washed. I looked at my husband and said, “do you really want to paint” He said, “nope.” I do a better job painting and I don’t mind it. He doesn’t mind doing dishes. So I painted sections of fence while he did dishes. Traded out housework to paint the garage door once too.
Enjoyed this first post – such an important topic! Every marriage is different and the relationships will have a different “flavor.” What a joy! I think women get in trouble when they try to compare their husband with their father, or worse, with another woman’s husband. Praise God for MY husband who God uniquely designed for me! (I know this is more difficult for some women who live with unsaved husbands or with “difficult” husbands…)