Sometimes I’m a Critical & Cranky Wife

Sometimes I can be cranky…especially when my husband parents differently than I do. For example, I like an early bedtime and lately my husband has been allowing the children to stay up late…too late for mommy’s patience! lol!  And when I get cranky…I get critical…

It’s easy for me to slip into the role of teacher and judge to my poor husband. I think as wives, we see our husbands faults and point them out – but does taking that role ever bring a woman marital bliss? Nope!

We know that when our husbands fell in love with us it was NOT because we were wonderful teachers and judges…

They married us because they loved the sparkle in our eye when we smiled at them.

They loved how we made them feel.

They loved how we respected their thoughts and wanted to hear and understand them.

They loved how we embraced their dreams of the future and were so trusting and loyal and how we overlooked their short comings.

 
Then they married us – and well – Proverbs 19:13 says “a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”
 
Do you catch yourself maybe not criticizing your husband out loud but thinking critical thoughts in your heart – maybe he comes home late from work one night and your annoyed that dinner is cold. Then he does it again. Then he does it again and suddenly you boil over with anger and an abundance of bitterness comes out.  Yea – I’ve been there!
Luke 6:45 says “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
 What if in the dinner situation, we thought how blessed we are to have such a hard working husband who brings a pay check home so we can have a warm home, food on the table and a bright future for the children? There are women who are all alone at dinner time with no husband to be expected. They are living pay check to pay check and worried about their children’s future. If we thought this way – when our husband walked through the door he’d be greeted with a warm hug (and maybe a big ol’ wet kiss) rather than the cold shoulder.
Who we are at home, behind closed doors, is who we really are.
Do our husbands come home to a quarrelsome wife or a wife who has a sparkle in her smile when she looks at him?
 
Do our husbands feel judged by us or do they love the way we make them feel?
 
Now you may say – “but Courtney – you don’t know the awful things my husband does“!
 
I don’t – you are correct – but I do know that God’s word says to not be quarrelsome and to store up good things in our hearts – it’s important we follow God’s principles in marriage.
 
Sometimes, we need to have a talk with our husbands to air or resolve issues .  But other times we need to choose to overlook their flaws and look at our own.   The reality is – I can be a critical and cranky wife at times and that is not okay.  We need to  resolve our own heart issues and choose to have joy because joy does not come from our husbands but from God. 

Walk with the King!

Courtney

Comments

  1. the common statement in our house is ‘what would Courtney do’? lol

  2. P.S I am from Sydney Australia so your message is being heard all over the world,

    • Me too, I’m from Sydney/ I love you on Youtube and I love this site. Thanks so much for sharing your goodness xxx

  3. LOVE this!!! You are so right–I always try to see the good in my husband and not to criticize him (especially to others) and am incredibly happily married going on 8 years. :) Thanks for feel the same way I do–I’m not perfect and AM this way sometime, and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one trying to have a better marriage! :) God bless!

  4. Crafty Mama says:

    Someone pointed out before that the Bible doesn’t say, “Wives, respect your husband if he deserves it.” Nope! We respect our hubbies no matter what! Some times are harder than others, but we won’t win him over by giving him “what he deserves” — because we’re all sinners! Only love and respect will win your hubby’s heart, and even if it doesn’t, we can someday tell God that we obeyed Him, even when it was hard. :)

  5. We are to respect our husbands but I don’t see that as being a doormat either. I’ve been happily married for 19 years with four kids and what has kept us happy and has kept the romance alive is being respective of each others feelings but honest also. I’m human and have to hold the homefront down alone a lot, and I have every right to have a cranky day and if I don’t express what he might be doing that has me upset, he’ll run the risk of repeating. He’s always told me that ‘I can’t read your mind’ and wants to know if he’s upset me.
    Yes, he fell in love with the starry eyed girl but has stayed in love and grown more in love with the normal emotional woman I’ve become.

  6. Ouch…I was the cranky, critical wife tonight. My toes hurt! ;) Thank you for allowing the Lord to speak truth through you.

  7. Thank you.

  8. A certain “someone” we know recently said to my dh, “If your marrige ever fails, I’ll lose all hope in the institution.” She meant it as a compliment, for which we know God deserves all the glory. As I’ve grown in my faith and in marriage, I’ve come to realize how important is that our “wellspring”, our hearts, bring forth LIFE. I do understand Tommie’s point, but I know you were not suggesting we be doormats (you even stated there are times when we need to talk to our spouses to resolve issues.) What I love about you, Courtney, (beside the fact that you are very transparent and, okay, adorable too, lol) is that you encourage us to CONSIDER how our words or actions affect our relationship with our husbands, to NURTURE the union God brought together, you CHALLENGE us to apply God’s word to our marital circumstances (as opposed to just being in reaction mode), and to RECOGNIZE the blessings that God wishes to impart to us through our husbands and through our marriages. Honestly, these lessons, applied in my marriage, have only made it stronger and richer. Thank you, Courtney. I always come away with something positive when I stop by WLW.
    Blessings,
    Toni

  9. Amen, sister! Thanks for that reminder :)

  10. I touched on the verse from Proverbs in my blog post yesterday, about Delilah. Making sure we are not argumentative and manipulative. I started to get cranky yesterday when i didn’t get the excited response I had hoped for, after getting new soft furnishings for our bedroom! thankfully, my husband is patient and kind, and when we went up later to hand the curtains, he was very positive and lovely about my purchases! I will make an effort to keep cranky away today!

  11. Thanks for sharing. You always seem to know just what we need. I pray the Lord will help me to be better in this area. It’s so easy to always look for the faults when we are tired and have worked long days. I pray God will give me a new vision. Thanks for all you do for us.

  12. We all need a reminder of this sometimes. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  13. boy have i been there….thanks for this reminder. i was sad last night that my husband and i did not get to spend much time together after the kids went to bed….but then i looked at him sleeping and was reminded of how hard he works to take care of us, and my heart softened up. your words and writing are always so well put, thanks for sharing your heart

  14. 2brownboys says:

    You ladies are encouraging. I have a lot of work to do.:(

  15. Erica H says:

    Hi Courtney…you blog post has touched my heart this morning. It is refreshing to know that you too have the same episodes that I do…and you have the heart to share it. My husband has been deployed for over 9 months now for a year tour. He recently came home on a 14 day R&R, and I talked to myself and prayed that I would not fall into the same critical behaviors I have had over the years. I want to be different so badly. Our time together was wonderful, but I did have 2 distinct moments where I lost it…and he didn’t say a word. Each time I began to cry, because it was not what I wanted to really say, but my mouth wouldn’t stop running. I apologized profusely, and he forgave me..he understands that we have a lot of reconnecting to do. But, even now that is he back to his deployed location, I am still feeling guilty. I know I am not perfect…and I know he isn’t…and he doesn’t seem to get as critical or lose his patience like I do. So, even after 19 yrs of marriage..I am still trying to be more patient, understanding and loving…we are all a work in progress…especially me:) Thanks:)

  16. Nikki jackson says:

    Thank you so much for this post. What a wonderful way to look at that situation. I know sometimes I can nag but I am working on it. This post really ministered to my heart.

  17. Kristin says:

    I am that wife, a lot. I really try not to be, but am not doing a good job at just talking to him about things that bother me, and then like you noted, it just comes out ugly! I will put that verse from Luke in my heart. And I agree with the last comment of yours, that joy comes from God, not our husbands. I’ve had to remind myself of that a lot and that “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for man” is for me!

  18. Just had this exact thing happen last night…I like early bed times, hubby lets them stay up later. :) My mom always cautioned me at how bitter we (as women/wives) can become my focusing on one negative thing about our husbands until it gets out of control and we lose it over seemingly nothing. She told me that when I feel that coming on (being frustrated about one thing with my hubby and festering over it), I should stop and start listing all of the reasons I love him. I wish I was better at doing this more regularly, but it sure does help. :)

  19. I have been cranky and critical far too often in the past. Now I try to be always conscious of how I am treating my husband especially, but also my children. Thanks for posting this!

  20. Christal says:

    PERFECT timing. I was a cranky, critical wife just yesterday, and saw first hand my hubby go from spirits high and enjoying the day AND the kids to gloomy. ALLLL from some critical thoughtless words I allowed to blurt out!! The Bible tells us our tongues have power to heal and to hurt. SOOOOO true!!! I have learned that while my hubby does need to know my heart, sometimes I need to FIRST take my heart to God and get it checked THEN I can more lovingly share my heart AND I can see better what I need to overlook!!
    Thanks for this <3

  21. I needed this today

  22. Yep, like so many others who have commented I needed this reminder today… especially the “storing up good things in our hearts” part. I tend to harbor, stuff, and hide my anger and frustration towards my husband until, one day it overflows. No one wants to be around for that :(

    Thank you, also, for being honest about marriage. It is always comforting to know that we’re all in this sin-filled world together.

  23. What a great post! I am single but in a happy and healthy relationship with the man of my dreams! It’s great for me to read and listen to women who are willing to educate single women of the trials and errors you have experienced througout your marriages. Courtney, you have provided a great resource for young single and married women to stop, reflect, and recognize that we are not perfect in our relationships but through our sisters in Christ we can learn to better serve Him through marriage. :-)

  24. Stefanie says:

    Needed to hear this one (even though I didn’t want too)

  25. “There are women who are all alone at dinner time with no husband to be expected. They are living pay check to pay check and worried about their children’s future. If we thought this way – when our husband walked through the door he’d be greeted with a warm hug (and maybe a big ol’ wet kiss) rather than the cold shoulder.”

    I am this woman (separated from my husband, his choice) and I wish so much my husband would walk through the door, back to our home. I have learned a lot about respect and have been called a doormat by a lot of women, but I also know this is the worse of “for better or worse” in our marriage vows.

    Ladies, do hug your husband a little tighter tonight. Kiss him a little longer. Spoil him a little more. I am praying for a second chance to do these things with my husband. Let the little things go. They are not worth it. Believe me, I know.

    ~Cyndi

  26. I have been SO grumpy with my husband today…I was irritated because he scheduled dentist appointments for all four of our children right in the middle of nap & school time. I just kept getting more & more angry about how much this was disrupting our day…I really felt like I should get on the computer & read your blog…so this post was PERFECT for me today!!! Thanks! I was really hit by the comment ‘who you are at home is who you really are’. Thanks fof your blog! It really speaks into my life! I will be re-reading this post ( a lot) :)

  27. Thanks, Courtney. I really struggle with this. Going to read the “5 Steps to Dealing with Bitterness” article you linked to now.

  28. I catch myself doing that sometimes and I am really working on not automatically being critical, because sometimes I am irritated and it isn’t even his fault! Thank God for you and The Power of a Praying Wife I am becoming a better Christian woman and wife!

    Thanks for posting! ~Blessings!

  29. So thankful for the wisdom of the bible- and to see a reminder here :) My hand is raised!!!

  30. So with you on the bedtime thing :) (and the time I’m most tempted to disagree with my husband and act a little dishonoring is when it comes to something I disagree with him on with parenting)…The Lord’s been convicting me of that lately, so thanks for the reminders :)

    I wrote a post once called, “Even Though Your Husband’s a Big Boy, He Still Needs You.” (http://momsinneedofmercy.blogspot.com/2010/01/even-though-your-husbands-big-boy-he.html)–all about the power of encouragement in our husbands’ lives!

  31. Graceforeveyday says:

    Amazing post once again! Just on time.Thank you Jesus.
    Your blog is so on fire for the Lord and helping women to honor their husbands worlwide.
    I always come to this post when my heart starts acting up and God’s grace always helps me to think biblicaly through this blog as i don’t discuss my marital fustrations as it is soooo tempting to vomit up gunk when i am annoyed so this is so this is a great tool to refresh my soul. :)
    From London,England

  32. I just spent the last half hour doing dishes in tears, thinking about all the things my husband does wrong. I keep trying to focus on the things he does do. I got on the computer to distract myself and found this. I’m sure my husband is felling judged by me lately. I need to change that. Thanks.

  33. I just posted a blog post about this same kind of thing (http://lindsays-logic.blogspot.com/2012/03/being-on-same-team.html). It can be so easy to think only about the negative aspects of our husbands, but we really need to focus on the positive. We have to remember to stay on the same team, working together.

    By the way, I really like this blog. I’m really new to blogging and this blog gave me some ideas about doing my own.

  34. sueanna says:

    Ouch!!! That is about all I can say. I know all this yet I make all kinds of excuses to act like I don’t. You definately gabe me something to think on today.

  35. I really struggle with this. It’s like a disease I don’t know how to cure.

  36. I feel connected to this article, but as a husband receiving the crankiness! It gets to be where you think, I know she loves me still, but does she LIKE me anymore? I am praying about this, and going to try and see things more from her perspective.

  37. Thank you Courtney for touching me in a special way. It seems the Lord has led me to your site and gave me a message I so badly needed.

I love hearing what is on your heart.

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