Kiss Your Way to a Better Marriage ~ Marriage Challenge


There is something about the sparkle in a wife’s eye, the smile that says I adore you, the curves of her body, the sweet smell of her perfume, the way she moves in the dark…that draws a man to his wife.

Proverbs 30:18,19 saysThere are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand; the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.”

For most men the physical need for intimacy is more than just physical – it is emotional. Just as we long to remain desirable to our husband’s, our husband’s long to know that they are still desirable to us. Their big ol’ egos might not let them admit it – but it’s there.

Within our God given femininity, we have the power to make our men feel stronger, more capable, more confident and loved in all areas – simply by responding to his initiativesAlso, studies have shown that kissing is a great stress-reliever and improves bonding in a couple.

I once had the opportunity to talk with Dr. David Clarke, in person, about marriage.  He has counseled broken marriages for over 20 years and is the author of almost 10 books on marriage — in this 54 second video, he explains how to “kiss your way to a better marriage”:

 (if you cannot see the video above – click here to view it)
Many of our marriages are much less than God intended them to be because we’ve stopped kissing!
So this week’s challenge is:
Pursue kissing your husband. Purpose to meet him at the door with a whopper of a kiss!

Solomon 5:16 says “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.”

Also, respond to his initiatives for intimacy.

Sex is like a silent cheer.” ~ Paula Rinehart

Be available, agreeable and interested.  ~Linda Dillow

For some readers – this is going to be an especially tough challenge.  If your love has run out – you don’t need to manufacture it on your own – remember where love comes from, (I John 4:,7,8) love comes from God.  Go to God in prayer, be honest –ask God to help bring the spark back to your marriage and restore the love you once had.

Our men feel stronger, more capable, and built up when we respond to their advances with a smile. Seek to give your husband a back rub, or shower together, be creative! Purpose to kiss your husband like you mean it this week!

“When you touch your husband’s deepest need something good almost always happens!”~Dr. Emerson Eggerich

Chime In: If you are participating, share with us how this challenge is going!  How has your husband responded?

 Walk with the King,

Are you desperate to find joy in your walk with God, marriage, parenting and home…

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  1. Suzette says

    oh yeah! love those kisses! My hubby and I are both in our 50’s and have been married for 7 1/2 years. We each lost our first mates to cancer. Let me tell you – we don’t want to miss out on even one of those “saliva” kisses. You never know when you won’t be able to. Good kisses keep things hot!

  2. says

    I love this challenge! And the “peck” is so true!! We have been married for 3 and a half years and we definitely fall into the peck hello and peck goodbye! Good kisses are a must!! I’m on it…

  3. says

    I’ve been getting updates on the challenge and vow to do them each week. THEN, I fall flat on my face (and blame it on my man). I peck him quite a lot though. It’ll be “Hey! *peck, peck, peck* and it probably, admittedly, hurts him a little bit. I’m definitely going to work on our kissing! If we don’t have time to slow down and have a proper kiss, well what kind of life are we leading!?

  4. Jennifer says

    Oh, this one is convicting! We have two very young children so I usually blame my lack of attentiveness in this area on exhaustion. We definitely fall into the “peck” category. Gonna try to work on this one this week!

  5. Missy says

    I LOVE kissing my husband so the challenge for me will be to find creative ways to surprise him with my kisses. My husband and I just celebrated 25 years of marriage this past December. Our marriage has not always been great and we actually divorced. Our divorce lasted 1 year and then we got re-married :) THANK YOU GOD!!!! We both did a lot of praying and changing in that 1 year. We both knew that we needed to pray about our marriage and let GOD in completely. I really, really missed my husband’s kisses during that year and there was a time that I took that LONG kiss or that little PECK for granted. After 25 years of marriage I can honestly say that when I kiss my husband and he kisses me….it is more than “JUST” a kiss….it is our way of saying I LOVE YOU without even speaking one word.

  6. says

    This is convicting to me as well. We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary this year and we so often have fallen into the peck problem… It really hits home and we are taking this challenge head on! or rather lips on!! :) Thank you for posting!

  7. says

    This is my first time here. Love the challenge! Ironically, before even reading this, I spent the weekend really kissing my husband. He had mentioned several times recently how much he misses kissing. Anyway, I highly recommend it :) It really does have the power to bond man and wife so much more deeply. Now, if I could just figure out how to get to the “want to” more often…

  8. julei says

    It’s harder when you don’t remember ever really kissing that much. It’s been 15 years and I’m honestly tired of trying. I feel like I’ve read every book, tried everything, but I just am married to adhd. He doesn’t allot enough time for me, even before we had kids. There’s nothing there to recall. I’m just staying “as is” because it’s something. We don’t really fight, we just don’t have much of an interest in each other. I spent so much time when we were first married, just trying to get and maintain his attention. It’s not fun to read “Valentiney” stuff–I can understand a bit how singles or widowed people feel. A kiss for us is just something you do before work. I know not every subject pertains to everyone and you are helping a lot of ladies by this series. I just look forward to other topics. I’m not trying at all to be negative. You have a great site and I’ve learned so much from you over the years.

    • Barbara Prince says

      Julei, you are not alone. I’ve though for 30 years that I was the only woman with a husband who had no romantic interest in me. I’ve searched and tried. I’ve berated myself. I don’t know if I’ve got any “try” left. Only God can bring what is dead back to life. I think I have to get rid of some anger first.

      • julei says

        Thanks Barbara! It feels so good to know that I’m not alone :) You are so right, I turn inward and blame myself sometimes–not good for the self esteem either. I do find myself always trying to not be angry or disappointed. Compliments are almost non existent. He says that if he says nothing about dinner or the special pie, or the cookies, or my haircut–then it’s fine. If something ISN’T right, he’ll tell me. What a fun system (total sarcasm!) I just cannot help but laugh sometimes over it–therapeutic I guess. I need to be careful on facebook because I’ll see husbands commenting “Thanks so much, Babe. I loved that you got up and made coffee for me today!” Inside I’m steaming because I get up everyday and make coffee, eggs, and toast at five. ( Boy, I do sound so bitter–yikes) It just would be so refreshing and invigorating to the soul to hear “You are beautiful to me” or “Yum! You surprised me with my favorite________” Who am I kidding…. I need to lower my standards to “This is good.”

        • Kim A. says

          Barbara and Julei,
          I’m hurting with you, sisters, because I can relate! Let me encourage you with something I just read THIS morning—when we don’t feel our husbands are returning our love, remember (and this takes my respecting/ honoring my husband to a new level) that it is ultimately the LORD JESUS I am serving when I serve my husband. I want to be the BEST “helper” I can to my Lord Jesus and I can do that by loving (“helping”) my husband regardless of response. God will bless you for your obedience to Him.
          Col 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Why wouldn’t this apply to my marriage?
          Oh, by the way, this is NOT easy! Said a prayer for you ladies (and myself, too!) just now to have wisdom in doing this today!
          ♥ Kim A.

          • Crystal says


            I have just been reading this thread of comments regarding husbands not responding to their wives…I feel for Julei so very much. My husband is not the gushy romantic that a lot of women would want to have, either. Your comment about serving your husband also being service to Jesus is wonderful because I don’t hear a lot of comments about what I did do today, but I sometime hear what I did not do today. I get angry sometimes about these things. I am trying to walk closer with Jesus, and I know that my husband really is a good man, he works hard and loves his children and his wife, and does the most that he can. So even if I get no compliments on what I’ve done, I know what I have done, and I know that I have made his day better, and that’s what really matters. Besides, on RARE occasions, he surprises me with a thoughtful gift ( a package of socks one of the times, silly, I know, but something I had needed for a LONG time). It’s easy to think only of ourselves, of the praise we would like to hear, but rarely do. I find myself asking God at these times, when I’m angry at my husband because he is angry that the kitchen is a mess (but all the laundry is done), or the house is a disaster (but the garden is weeded and the lawn is mowed, to give me patience, to give me the grace to keep my tongue and just keep working at what I’m doing.

            Speaking of laundry…I had better get back to it. My husband brought home a big tote full of towels from a job that I have to wash and decide whether to keep or not….Thanks again, Kim, for your viewpoints, and to the rest of you ladies, I will pray that your husbands become aware of your needs and that you keep your strength!

  9. K says

    Courtney, I wan to first thank you for these posts and this blog. It has all been a wonderful encouragement. I have a question, though. How can I pull off these challenges when I am deeply hurt. My husband is involved with another woman at work. I don’t believe it has become physical, bu they are texting constantly and have shared a lot of pictures which have all been hidden and deleted by my husband. I have found portions of texts from her that are suggestiveand lustful, and this crushes me. I am humiliated by them. He has already told me he won’t give this up, and I am afraid of him leaving soon despite him saying he never will. I will admit that I had been cold and angry for a long time over different issues between us, but have been a new woman by God’s grace for the last 3 months. This is not good enough for him. Please speak to women like me in these situations about how we can show love in the midst of great hurt. Thank you!!! K

    • says

      K- what your husband is doing is sin and not right in the eyes of God – your anger and hurt is justified. I am not the best person to address such a serious matter since I am not a certified counsellor but I want to direct you to two resources – one is Sheila Wray Gregoire – she is an excellent wise blogger. She wrote on this topic here: and has many other great posts addressing your type of situation.

      Another is they have loads of marriage helps and a toll free number that you can call and speak with a real counsellor. I encourage you to seek out help from a trusted friend, pastor or call their number on their website.

      I am SO sorry you are facing this – you need to not walk this road alone. Please seek out help. I am saying a prayer for you right now. ((hugs))

      Lots of love,

    • Claudia says

      Hi K , I’m sooo sorry to hear about your story . I can relate to your pain and humiliation. I went through the same exact situation about 2 years ago and my husband and I were a signature away from finalizing our divorce . My soul was completely shattered and I remember just feeling extremely numb internally. I would wake up and I felt I was just up in a cloud and the wind was helping me walk forward . I got my own apartment and started dating , 3 months after our separation . I know , it was too soon to even consider another relationship , but I was hurt and needed an outlet. I met a nice guy and he quickly filled that void with fun and adventure. I had a lot of great moments with him , but they were only split second moments. My soul was still attached to my husband. I knew I was in a dark place because I kept pretending I was ok . I wanted to quickly forget about my past and move forward with “the new” . I remember randomly praying just asking God for forgiveness and guidance for true happiness. I didn’t even know what I wanted . My past or my present . I just knew I was emotionally exhausted !!! I was more confused because my husband wasn’t making any effort to fight for me . He made no attempts to stop me from moving out!!!! At the time , he didn’t know I was dating !!! I later found out he was still chasing the girl from work … Just knowing that , drove me into a deeper depression and deminished my selfworth. Weeks go by and I slowly started realizing how miserable I was and needed to love myself. I completely ended “my fling” and spoke to my husband . I told him the truth and how much I loved him. Random things just started to happen after that , which I now know it was God’s way of saying , love heals all ” . As weird as that may sound , it did . We naturally seeked each other and went through our healing together . This was not easy . We had a lot of therapy sessions and long painful conversations, but they were needed to move on with our lives. Fast forward 2 years later our marriage is much healthier and we’ve grown from our past . We now communicate more effectively. Don’t give up, if it’s meant to be it will all fall in place . Give yourself the time to grieve and write down your thoughts . That helped me the most. Above all , ask God to guide you . He never fails ! I promise. Good luck . :)

  10. Cathy says

    Kissing is AWESOME!!!!! However, even in our early 50’s we need to be careful of that kind of kissing with each other unless we have time for something else…(if you know what I mean..wink, wink) We still have such a desire for each other that sometimes a peck is clearly the better choice for us :-) Kissing your mate is SO important!

  11. Angela Smith says

    WOAH! This really hits me where it hurts. I have all the excuses of busy life coming home from work to 4 young kids (2, 4, 7, 10) and by the time there is no more tasks to be done, I am out of any energy for kissing. BUT I know that my husband really,really wants this! SO COUNT ME IN! I am going to go to shock him with this kissing challenge this week!! May it bring back the spark that has been slowly ebbing away after 13 years of marriage!

  12. says

    I almost forgot about this challenge…getting all caught up with raising children, planning a superbowl party, etc. Good reminder! Hubbys so need our affection!

  13. Cindy says

    I am so saddened over some of the posts here. My heart aches for K and Julei. I will be praying for you, that God would work miracles in your marriages.
    I did want you to know, that this challenge has really changed my marriage for the better. It was good to begin with, but we recently went through a tough time (mostly on my part) and I read your blog and decided to try the challenge. I started with words of affirmation and totally embarressed my husband. I mentioned how wonderful he was on a facebook status, and he was pleased, but embarressed! It was sweet. His love language is words of affirmation. As for the physical part of our marriage – it has always been great, but lately less frequent. I am tired after working (I teach preschool and help care for our 3 grandchildren) and so the challenge to respond to him when ever he asks is a challenge. But I never regret it. After 30 years of marriage I still like to kiss him. Believe it or not, sometimes it feels like the first kiss we shared!
    I know that not everyone has the kind of marriage that I have and I wish that there was something that could be done to change that – other than praying and working hard at it. So I will keep these marriages in my prayers. God bless.

  14. Suzanne says

    My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We were 47 and 51 when we married — first marriage for both of us. Prior to marriage my husband had developed a very strong attachment to pornography. I didn’t know how serious until after the wedding. We’ve discussed it a number of times, I’ve made some suggestions and set some boundaries. I have also been ill a great deal of the last 8 years and must take a variety of medications that suppress sensation. We have not enjoyed normal marital intimacy in about 10 years. In the last few months, however, I have become aware that I need to have some physical contact with him frequently. Your article has been very supportive and, with God’s grace, we will be able to improve our physical and emotional intimacy. Thank you….

  15. KL says

    This week is going to be a big challenge for me. The 1st 2 weeks were great. But kissing is a sensitive area for us. I have felt rejected in this area before. Shortly after we got married, my husband stopped kissing me. He just wanted to go right to sex. We did a lot of kissing while dating/engaged that made me feel loved, and were abstaining from sex so when the kissing stopped I felt deprived and like a whore because I didn’t feel the love anymore behind the sex if that makes sense? He said after we got married, since we wouldn’t be abstaining anymore, he didnt think there would have to be that lead up if you will. He has said I have created and issue with my feelings because now if he kisses, it feels forced and I’ve made it a requirement? :( I SO miss the natural kisses and butterflies behind them, but I don’t want to feel rejected.

  16. Tabitha says

    This challenge is great :) I completely threw my husband for a loop this morning, when what’s normally a rushed-need-to-get-out-the-door peck on the lips, with an I love you, have a great day at work honey, I stopped him and gave him a solid spit swapping, he was like, “Oh you’re…I don’t know what to think now…” He grinned, said I love you and kinda with a dazed look turned and went out the door I was like, “have a good at work honey! Love you!” This challenge is fun :)

  17. Kim Abbott says

    I’ve really have enjoyed participating in this whole challenge. The first week was easy. I must admit I let the second week slip by me but this week’s challenge WILL be a challenge. You see, my husband works in Houston and I am in Mabank…about 4 hours away. He does come home on the weekends so we definitely do make up for lost time!! But it’s during the week that is really, really hard. We do talk to each other every night even it’s just to say good night and I love you. I pray for the day when we will be able to be together under one roof soon. Love this challenge…counting the days until he gets home!!! 😉

  18. Teneshia says

    I started this challenge and my husband is wondering what’s going on. I just smiled at him and said that I readily love you and I wanna show you how much.

  19. says

    I got a little behind last week since I was super sick, but this week I’ve picked back up. Your spouse is a direct reflection of you, and my husband is beginning to try to be romantic! The other night he said something to me that stuck to me and almost made me cry. It went something like this: You have changed my view of what a real woman looks like. I compare other women to you and they don’t come anywhere near. You’re my perfect example of what a real woman is- so much more than I could’ve ever asked God for!

    Awwwww! My heart melts!! Motivation to keep going with the challenge! :)

  20. says

    I love this, I think it’s wonderful. :) I just wish my husband wasn’t so opposed to kissing. I don’t know what it is but he’s just not affectionate, he thinks he is. But if I want hugs, cuddling or kisses I have to initiate – often nag. He doesn’t kiss me any differently than he kisses his mom or our two yr. old. He’ll give me a peck, but literally turns away and avoids any more. We make out once every few months. I mean we still have s*x, just isn’t romantic to me. I don’t know what to do without being overbearing. The chasing and pursuing him is exhausting! <3

  21. sheri says

    This is a great idea, and my husband and I have had an awesome marriage for the past 13 yrs., but my problem is I just don’t like kissing! I love the cuddles, the hugs, the caresses, and even the intimacy, but I just don’t like slobbery kissing. Up to this point, I honestly thought that it was just a girl thing, and only guys love to kiss (my sister in law told me the same thing one time), but when I read all these posts I was honestly shocked! All these women really love to kiss? So now I’m wondering what’s wrong with me? I do it for him sometimes, but he has made comments about how he wishes I liked kissing more, like he does. Any suggestions on how to grow to like it more? A wiggly tongue just doesn’t do much for me… 😉

    • Jennifer says

      Sounds like when he says “kiss” he really wants to KISS! I was like this for awhile as well. Try setting the boundaries and explain that you’ll kiss him, but no tongue. Kissing back and forth can still be passionate without being a French kiss. Or, try being creative and do things that aren’t quite kissing, but would still make him excited. Like sucking on his lower lip, or if that’s still too much, just kiss him in a way that makes you comfortable but distract his desire to get all slobbery with where you put your hands or the way you move your body. The biggest thing is to just make sure you set your boundary line and do so in a loving way :). Hope this helps!

  22. Jen says

    This is a great post and a very important marriage topic. I would love to be able to participate in this challenge by being on the side of the fence where the wife forgets and the husband would welcome the change. But unfortunately, I’m on the side where the wife has to ask to be kissed. My husband loves me and is a wonderful father to our children. We have been married 12 years, and although we’ve faced very difficult times, we have stood our ground and worked our way through them together. He is loving in his own way, even though it may not be the way I would have chosen. I still try my best to realize he loves me. He’s just not a kisser. If I am to be kissed, I have to initiate it, which usually means asking. He always does, but it is usually just a peck. After so many years of this, I have decided to just live with it. I’ve tried my best to talk to him about it, many times. He usually changes the topic or acts like I’m being ridiculous about it. I get plenty of hugs and squeezes. He just doesn’t like kissing me. It’s worried me, made me feel unattractive, unwanted, even ugly. I just try not to let it get to me.

    So… I just wanted to say to the ladies who take for granted their husbands who enjoy kissing them… please realize how blessed you are. And please… kiss your husband. Regularly. And please…. please… don’t complain. Even if you don’t enjoy it, at least he wants to kiss you. That in and of itself is something very precious and wonderful. I’m crying even as I type this. It’s difficult for me to try to wrap my brain around a woman who forgets to kiss a willing husband. Or even more so, a woman who complains because she doesn’t like it. The very face that a post like this has to be written is so very sad. It should go without saying… kissing is important.

  23. Jan says

    I would love to be a part of this blog- can I get on an email list so I can keep up? It’s so comforting to hear so many women’s point of views.

  24. Anonymous A says

    I am coming late to this party…… But what do you do if 1-your husband has horrible oral hygiene, 2-you’ve tried talking to him about it, but no change, and 3- long kissing (more than a second or two) makes you want to scream from severe claustrophobia?

    We’ve been married 22 years, and I’ve struggled with this all along. Help?

  25. Lori says

    Hello to all the wonderful ladies on here and God Bless you, I am reading your posts and asking for prayer since I am a newly wed and my husband only gives me quick peck on the lips no ‘real’ kisses. I try to give him a real kiss but he will move away. It really hurts we have only been married for 4 months and I am 15 years younger than him he is 48 and I am 33 I sometimes think maybe it’s because he’s older there is also a big lack in affection :(

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