5 Qualities of a Kind Wife


5 qualities of a kind wife

In Galatians 5:22 & 23 we are told that the fruit of the spirit is: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

The fruit – or the outcome of following the Lord – should result in kindness being displayed in our marriage.  But sometimes we produce the rotten fruit   of anger, bitterness, rage, slander, and selfishness.

It is so much easier to complain than to be kind.

Webster’ Dictionary says kindness is: the quality of being friendly, generous, sympathetic and considerate. It is a genuine concern for the happiness of another.

I love this definition because it so clearly lays out what  the 5 qualities a kind wife:

1. Be friendly – Be a good friend to your husband.  Listen. Laugh. Hold his hand. Watch a ball game with him. Be at his side for the things that matter to him.  Support him. Be his BEST friend!

2.  Be generous – Be in the habit of giving generously to him without expecting anything in return.  Selfless love is so rare in our culture.  Live your life openhanded to your husband.

3.  Be sympathetic – Show compassion toward the difficulties your husband faces.  Listen to him and be understanding to his plights in life.  Use caring, gentle words and pray with and for him daily.

4. Be considerate – Be careful to not hurt your husband. Be slow to speak and thoughtful about the power of your words and how they effect his soul.  Part of being a good friend to him is caring about his feelings.

5. Be genuinely concerned about his happiness –  the praise, respect, comfort and attention of a wife brings much strength, security and happiness to your husband.

Kindness is something that we excelled at during the dating days.  We complimented our husband and pursued him.  We made sure we always said thank you and told him he was appreciated.  But sometimes as the years of marriage pass – kindness can turn to coldness – and we need a little nudge to ignite the fire of kindness to warm up our marriage.

We are not responsible for the happiness of our husband, but there is much we can do to contribute to his day to day joys in life by simply being concerned for him as a true friend, being generous and thoughtful of his needs, being sympathetic toward his struggles, being considerate of his feelings and by being genuinely concerned about him.

If you are a wife who is struggling with reacting coldly rather than kindly, I encourage you to go to God in prayer and in his word.  Read Ephesians 4:32:

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

We cannot do this on our own strength. We need to follow Christ’s example and have our hearts warmed by the kindness of God and then allow God’s kindness to overflow into our marriage.

Do you possess the 5 qualities of a kind wife?

Let’s work on this together as we accept Week 2’s challenge of the Ignite Your Fire series.

Ignite the fire of kindness in your home this week.  Be intentional about showing your husband kindness this week.  Plan a date just for him, treat him to his favorite meal, honor him wiht your words, and make him feel incredibly special.

Walk with the King,


**This a part of a series:


Chime In: Are you a kind wife?  What qualities of a kind wife do you you need to work on?

How are you displaying your kindness to your husband this week?

Please visit these other 3 bloggers who are writing on the same topic today!


sheilas button


  1. Geraldine says

    HI. I am from South Africa and i love your site. I really wish i was able to get a copy of your book. Our marriage is going through a tough time and i follow your site all the time. You are such an inspiration to me with all your advice. Such a wife of the Lord. I strive to be a wife my husband and the Lord will be proud of.
    Keep up inspiaring us all.

  2. Gina says

    Hi, I am mostly kind to my husband, he is lovely and we were friends before we got together. We watch movies together, mess around, play games, much fun is had.
    I am working on patience with him, patience when he dumps his washing on the bedroom floor and wanders off to do something more interesting (for him pretty much anything is more interesting, lol). Patience when he plays Lego for 3 hours but doesn’t actually feed our children so I can have a break, which then isn’t a break as they all get stroppy as they are hungry! I am learning that my priorities – fed, dressed, clean children, tidy house, etc are not his. He wants to play and relax at home. He can’t only do that but I am learning to respect it.
    We haven’t had an official date night for a while, so I am eager to surprise him with one. Love this series. Going to email him a compliment a work right now.

  3. Sammy says

    Love this. Been married for 36 years this Oct. I have to admit, I haven’t always been kind with my words, but all in all I have a wonderful marriage. I try harder now in my marriage to think before I speak, and remember some of the things I’ve said in the past that hurt my husband. I never want to hurt him again with my words. He is my best friend and truly a gift from God. He always puts me first, and wants to spend time with me, even if it’s just to hang around the house doing chores. I feel the same as him, we enjoy the company of each other. Very blessed!

  4. says

    {Melinda} I’ve made a much more concious effort of doing this over the last 1 1/2 years especially and it really has made a huge effort in our marriage. The biggest challenge is to stay consistent with the effort, even when I’m extremely tired and rundown from running after kiddos. :)

  5. Angie says

    I must admit, I have recently struggled with being kind to my husband. My biggest problem is having consideration of his feelings. I sometimes speak without thinking and end up hurting him. I apologize afterwards but need to learn to slow down when I am speaking to him, out of anger or jest. We are very funny people and enjoy spending time with each other. I am thankful I read this article today so that it can remind me how I just need to slow down and enjoy and respect my husband. Thank you.

  6. says

    This is definitely something I’m working on this week, sometimes we get so bogged down with life that we take it out on our husband and families. Praying that God will help me to be kind to not only my husband but also those around me. Thanks Courtney for all your inspiration.

  7. says

    Hi there Courtney! Thank you for writing this.I just want to say that this week has been very hard for me, I found out that I am very sick, may be facing chemo and radiation also, and I am only 29 years old. On top of the extreme pain from that condition, of course mother nature has decided it was my ‘time’ of the month just now, SO my HUSBAND is the one that has possessed all of this kindness this week. He has been MORE than generous, he even right now as I type is at the grocery store (somewhere he has NO CLUE where stuff is and will surely take twice as long as it takes me) getting our family food for the next few days. He also allowed my body to rest and did not wake me today, I slept until well after noon and was woken by my son wanting his back scratched and found my husband at the kitchen sink catching up on the dishes for me, AND had loads of laundry going! Now, I want to state before I give the impression he is ‘Gods ideal husband and cherishes me like this all the time” that we ARE in some marriage counselling at this moment and he is being made aware of some needs and some biblical things, as am I that we both need to do to help our marraige. But TODAY, I wanted to give props to my husband for this and say that he is the one possessing these qualities and going well above and beyond what he ‘has’ to. and tonight at 6 he will leave to travel an hour to work and work 12 hours hard labor all night for our family. I love him so much and do not know what I would do without him in my life.

  8. Jessica says

    This is great. I feel like it could be applied to people in general. Every place that you said wife, it could be changed to person and any where that it said marriage, you could replace it with life. I think there needs to be more kindness in the world. :)

  9. Linda K. says

    I love this post. You are right on – it is much easier to complain than to be kind. When my husband leaves his socks on the floor or forgets to pick up his towel and put it in the hamper, I remind myself if he were to die tomorrow, I would long for just one more day with him, I would not care if he left his socks on the floor. I just try not to sweat the little things and just love him more. Thanks for your encouragement.

  10. Courtney says

    Hi Courtney! This is awesome. As I read this, I can think of all the times I fell short in these areas. I prayed to God for forgiveness; then texted my husband to apologize for all the times I was snappy and not considerate of his feelings. And that I love and appreciate him. We’ve only been married 19 months, and marriage is hard! I knew there would be struggles, but geesh! I believe this series will help me greatly! :).

  11. Lorna says

    I’m loving this series! Thank you for all the encouragement! I have not been a kind or respectful or loving wife in my 17 years of marriage. The Lord has been growing me the last couple of years. I repented and begged Him to show me how to be a Godly wife. I so desperately wanted a marriage worthy of Him. Baby steps. It’s a journey. And you ladies are a part of it. Thank you!

  12. Lori says

    I love this and i want to be a kind wife. I dreamed my whole life of being married and having a family and I wish i could have something great to write but I need help. I have been so hurt by my husband that I have a hard time. When I let go of the anger and we start getting along and i let my guard down he hurts me again. I react in anger because I am tired of crying and it doesnt seem to help. I want my marriage to work but it isn’t easy when you only have one person working on it. we have tried counseling but I would work on what i needed to and he would not put forth any effort and eventually i would give up. I want my marriage to work and i want to be happy and for him to be happy.

  13. tricia radosevic says

    We are about to celebrate 12 yrs of marriage (15 yrs together) I’ve noticed that when I am out of work its much harder on our marriage financially and his worries turn into criticism. It’s very difficult to take but I take it. I have now been laid off from
    My third job in 4 yrs. Being kind in response to criticism and holding it in is eating me up. Having difficulty expressing this hurt in a calm meaningful way. Thank you for listening.

  14. Amanda says

    Hi Courtney,

    I’m so thankful that you reported this via Twitter today since it has been a huge area of struggle for me lately. Do you have any other supplementary resources (books, podcasts, etc.) that you would recommend?

    Thanks so much for all you do!

  15. says

    Thank you! This is so simple, yet, can be forgotten in all of the days struggles/assignments/events. May you have a Blessed Day, Courtney!


  16. Sarah says

    What if your husband isn’t kind to you. I have tried and tried to be kind in spite of my husband’s lack of kindness, hoping he would reflect my actions, but he never does. Then his unkindness and disrespect make me want to give up being kind to him.

  17. Mandy says

    I wish I’d seen this years ago. Eventually gave up trying to be kind, or any of those good things 12/12/12… Left my husband that day, after much prayer & consideration, & it certainly seemed God opened up amazing doorways for that to happen. Maybe he has reconciliation at a future date in mind, but it is wonderful not being shut out of things all the time, left out of things that happen because I am just the in-law & therefore not “family”, suffering with a severe lack of affection & respect, & our child being ignored right along with me, both by his father & the in-laws… It was awful living with someone who refused to live up to their end of the bargain when it came to raising their child as a Christian, along with not wanting to have anything to do with their own son unless he was medicated for his ADHD.
    Like someone else said, it can be applied to other relationships, not just marriage & I will use it like that.

    • julie says

      I feel like you, Mandy. I am just so worn down from trying and only getting ignored or overlooked. My husband will complain but never give praise. I have read every marriage blog for inspiration and hope.I’ve tried being kind, being his help meet, being positive, being available anytime etc etc etc. I keep getting hurt and cannot take much more trying. It’s easier to just protect myself from the hurt. I cannot take reading about marriages doing well. I am sounding more and more jaded and less hopeful. My husband is on meds for adhd but I don’t know if it helps. He seriously is like a butterfly flitting from one thing to the next and not taking any time for me. I was thinking last night about how I would like to go back and warn myself 15 years ago by hitting 24 year old me with a frying pan, in the head to not marry this guy. I remember thinking “I do love him” but I knew it wasn’t ideal. He said he was a Christian and generally is decent, not a smoker, drinker, etc but there just wasn’t the special connection. I would love to warn girls who are thinking of marriage to not just be able to tolerate the guy and think “he’ll do” but to REALLY want to me with them for the right reasons. I always think back to the FRIENDS episode at the beginning where Rachel leaves her wedding without getting married. Her mother listens to her and says “I married my Barry.” Well, so did I. Thanks Courtney, I am a long time reader. I am saved, have a wonderful close relationship with God. I am going to focus more on finding my fill from God and stop reading the marriage stuff. I cannot take it anymore, all of the false hope. Keep up the good work!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *