For Better…or Worse {When Seasons In Marriage Change}

As in all parts of life, seasons in marriage change and God wants to use these seasons of change to sanctify and grow us in spiritual maturity.  #WomenLivingWell #marriage #marriagegoals #relationships

 

1For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ecclesiastes 3 describes 28 different seasons of life and one thing is guaranteed, change.

Change is absolute.

In John 14, when Jesus met with his disciples he told them change was coming. He was going to depart but they were to have no fear because he was sending them the Holy Spirit.  The Greek word for “Holy Spirit” is parakletos which means: one who comes along side and helps and comforts.

God uses change to shape us and to open our eyes to his presence. We are not alone. The Holy Spirit is with us helping us through life’s changes.

Change is what turned Mary the peasant girl, into the mother of God Almighty! Change is what turned David the shepherd boy, into the King of Israel! And the change of Jesus’ blood covering over our sins, is what turns you and me from sinners to saints!

In our marriages, we will all face seasons of change.

Change comes from job changes, location changes, friendship changes, sickness, new births and the loss of loved ones.

Sometimes our likes and dislikes cause distance in our marriage.  I know in my marriage our hobbies have heavily influenced the way we spend our time.   Never did my husband and I foresee me being a blogger or a homeschooler.  As change comes into our lives – each spouse has to readjust their expectations, grace needs to be made, sacrificial love needs to be poured out to sustain the marriage.

Changes from the college days to starting a family or raising teens or taking care of ailing parents can be rough. When exhaustion and stress sets in – it changes people.

Some of these changes in life have not brought out the best in us…but rather the worst.

When iron sharpens iron – sparks fly.  Have sparks been flying in your home lately?

You aren’t alone. All marriages go through these seasons. Some last longer than others.  But this one thing I know….

God is using marriage as a great sanctifier in all of our lives!

What is sanctification?  Sanctification means to make holy or to purify, to set apart for God’s use.

When we were born again, we were declared justified in the eyes of the Lord.  Jesus’ blood covered our sins but we still need to be sanctified and made more like Christ.

Do you see how God is using your marriage to sanctify and purify you?  Marriage brings out our selfishness, anger issues, score keeping abilities, pride and trust issues.  God reveals our sin to us through the marital relationship and as we read His word and confess our sins, he purifies us and makes us more like Him.

Marriage is a sanctifier and this sort of spiritual growth is vital in the lives of all Christians.

Sometimes we are tempted to think that we are the only ones experiencing the pains of life. But changing seasons are normal, as Ecclesiastes 3 shows. Some are pleasurable and some are painful. There are positive things and negative things that happen to all of us and sometimes we just have to ride the wave as it goes down because a swell is coming on the other side and it’s going to be okay.

This week’s marriage challenge is:

Consider some of the ways that your marriage has changed over time. Start counting the blessings that these changes have brought. Write them down.

Chime In:  Which season are you in – a “For Better or…For Worse” season.  How has God sustained your marriage and what blessings has been brought through these changes?

Walk with the King,

Courtney

**This post is a part of the…

Embrace[3]

 

Today my friends pictured above are also writing on
Embracing Change in Your Marriage.

Please visit them!

Darlene Schacht at TimeWarpWife.com Jennifer Smith at UnveiledWife.com
Sheila Gregoire at ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com Ashleigh Slater at AshleighSlater.com
Lisa Jacobson at Club31Women.com

25 Comments

  1. This is such an encouraging post! Financially speaking, we are in a season of “for worse”, but we have promised each other that as far as our faith is concerned, we will strive to be in a season of “for better”. We haven’t been perfect, but we have learned that as the journey gets tiresome, we are here to lift one another up. Instead of allowing the stress to pull us apart, we try to redirect it to trusting in Him and growing together in the tough times we are facing. By the grace of God, we are meeting our goal. He is so worthy of our praise. We just need to keep our eyes on Him and keep trusting that He is working all things for good. Thanks for the post!

  2. Thank you Courtney for such encouragement . am so blessed to have had courage to follow this virtual retreat.I am in “For worse season ” i have chosen to say “we ” over “me” but as for him it all about him ” him ” or ” us “. at moment we are not working as team . but i am not going to give a space to the Devil.am trusting God for the “for the Better season ” soon , by the Grace of God Jesus Christ am able to praise Him for He is worthy to be praised ( 1 Thessalonians 5:18 New International Version (NIV)18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. )
    cannot wait for the next post

  3. This is such an important reminder in today’s culture which teaches that if someone wants you to change, give ‘me the boot! This lie has gotten such a grip on the hearts of many, and they are being deceived and cheated out of so many blessings because of it.

    Sparks fly in our home often, especially when raising children, but I am thankful that Yahweh has brought our marriage through some major refinement over the years, which has landed us right in his throne room of grace. I am thankful for those spark-flying years, painful as they were, because they brought about the deep changes that were greatly needed: those of the heart. Thanks again for making marriage a priority. Doing the same here =0)

  4. My husband and I married young and even though we’ve only been married six years we’ve changed completely. We talk about it all the time and how it’s so neat that God has allowed us to grow and change together, but still remain in love with each other. Truly it’s one “little miracle” after another.

  5. I read once that love is a commitment to an imperfect person. Love isn’t always a feeling, it’s an action and a choice. I think looking at love this way helps in the “for worse” seasons in marriage. You can’t put your feelings aside and remember to commit to love your spouse until “for better” comes back. A great quote I heard said, “More marriages would survive if couples knew the better comes after the worse sometimes.”
    Cooking Up Faith
    http://www.cookingupfaith.org

  6. My husband and I are about to celebrate our one year anniversary in a couple weeks, so we’re still “honeymooners.” I guess that would make us in a time of “for better,” but this anniversary will also mark 7 years of the time we started dating, which means we’ve definitely had our “for worse” times. We’ve also had a few of those times in our marriage so far, but we love embracing the change and not knowing what we’re going to be like in the future once we have kids and buy a home, etc. For me, I almost like the mystery; it’s like God has a gift for me to open every day. Sometimes, of course, I doubt the future and worry about it, but I come back to my catch phrase similar to your Walk with the King reminder (which I love): “God’s got us.”

    Thanks, Courtney!

  7. Great post! My marriage has been going through a long season of change. In the past two years we have moved to a new state, our youngest graduated from high school, which left me finding a new mission since I was a homeschool mom, all of children are now married and we have our first grandchild! Now that the dust has settled some, we are finding that life is good. We are rediscovering each other!

  8. Thank you for sharing this, currently in a worse season but I am holding on for better. I am believing God that it is coming.

  9. When bad things have been thrown at us in our marriage, and I mean real bad things, it is frightening how easily one can act in the fleshly nature. I hate it the unruly tongue.. My unkind words don’t touch my husband though, he knows it’s the old nature at work and he’ll tell me so and encourage me to pray and even pray with me and for me right there and then. I repent of my sinfulness to God and to my husband and then there is a calmness and peace that enters in the room. Then I am back in the ‘New Birth’ nature and my sweetness and kindness, and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit are at work again, and that’s the way I like it to be – ALWAYS! My husband gives me grace he loves me, God gives me grace, and He loves me! Then I feel guilty for my behavior, I then think of the forgiveness of sin at the foot of the cross what Jesus did for me there and He remembers my sin no more, so I must forget it too and move on. Though our sins are as scarlet they have been washed and made white as snow.

    Recently my oldest was crying uncontrollably – the Holy Spirit was at work upon her!
    I asked what the matter was and she couldn’t speak, then through the streaming tears she confessed to God and said sorry to each one of her siblings how mean and angry she was being with them everyday She asked for their forgiveness, they could see how sorry and repentant she was, and they forgave her.

    She was concerned that this will happen again. I said sweetheart you’re in a good place to start when you recognize you’re not good only God can make you good and have His righteousness imparted to you only then will God’s Holy Spirit begin to work in your life.
    So there is hope for everyone of us! Courtney I love how you say ” I haven’t arrived yet I’m still on the way!” We are continually being saved everyday until that glorious day when we will be fully saved for all eternity!

  10. Thank you for this post, if only I woild apply the principles of God’s word to my life in my marriage. Seemingly I constantly fail. I am not a great communicator verbally, there are times in my relationsip with my husband that we are like strangers. I hate those moments. It feels as though too many times as iron sharpening iron and the blades are still rough. I pray that we become more sanctified through this process. The demands of my husbands job keeps him so busy during the week and some weekends that he savors time for rest and relaxation on Sundays in leu of church attendance. I desire a more Christ centered marriage. Hopefully through these teachings I will receive inspired wisdom in developing those areas that are deficient being built up in the word. Praise God! Keep up the good work! Amen.

  11. I am looking forward to my July 2015 wedding this year, but I am so glad to be reminded that there will be valleys as well as the sunrises. Thanks for this thoughtful post! I gained much from it.

  12. I guess you could say we’re in a “for worse” season right now since I’ve been dealing with a chronic health issue since January of this year that has dramatically changed the way I can live life. My husband has been a huge source of encouragement and strength though and I believe this season has actually drawn us closer together. The Lord has taught me so much about myself spiritually and has done so much work and spiritual healing in my life, that I appreciate what I have in my husband more now than I did before, when I was “healthy”. I long for healing though and a second chance at not taking for granted all the Lord has blessed me with, especially my husband!

  13. We are in the middle of a big change of season. From worse to better. My husband has been unemployed for the last 9 months but has been working small odd jobs to make ends meet. Finicaly it has been hard but The Lord has been faithful and provided all of our needs. Anyways My husban finally found work and as much as I am thankful to have a steady income it is hard because he is not able to be home with our family as much. I will admit i am sad to see the season go where we could spend an ample amount of time with eachother. I miss him tremendiously but i am looking foward to the season that lyes ahead.

  14. Thank you so much for this post. I have been married since 04/2013 and due to have our first baby any day now. I KNOW that huge change is in store and it’s been hard thinking about it. Yes, I am THRILLED about baby coming (in fact I just want him out as soon as possible at this point) but the changes that could occur in our marriage scare me a little. We are each other’s best friend. In Christ, I know we will be fine…but things WILL change and part of me doesn’t want that. Between the baby and the added financial burden of more medical bills (basically our “for-worse” season as it is…) I am just uncertain. But I serve a GREAT God who brought me this amazing man. I am so amazingly grateful.

    Again, thank you for writing this. I don’t have many friends, so it is great getting perspective from someone who recognizes the changes in marriage. Thank you for being used by God to speak to my heart today.

  15. This is great Courtney! This is so true ” Marriage brings out our selfishness, anger issues, score keeping abilities, pride and trust issues. God reveals our sin to us through the marital relationship and as we read His word and confess our sins, he purifies us and makes us more like Him.” I’ve (we’ve) experienced this . We call it hooking each others idols. Lots of times, if not all – when we have arguments the total and absolute source of those is the simple fact that we hooked the others idol. It brings that sinful idol to the surface though, and we’re able to work through it together! :o)

  16. I am certainly going through a change in our marriage and I want to be prepared. This year has been the year for our while family to really change. We will be celebrating the second of our daughters marriage both of which took place this year. We also payed our last college payment. We dealt with many illness in our family and with our parents. The year 2014 will always be remembered with the good and the bad. My husband and I will be enjoying a different kind of freedom, including more time and money and I am looking forward to both. However I am a little nervous that we won’t be busy all the time like the last year and we might miss it. I don’t think it will happen but I want to have a plan for this part of our life.

  17. I recently posted on my personal marriage restoration. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and in the 8 years, we have been through many trials and overcame things that I once thought were impossible. I picked up Women Living Well and it really helped me in my own internal struggle. I enjoyed reading this post and wanted to share the link to my post on how my marriage was restored.

    http://www.theramerbunch.com/2014/08/inconsistent-blogging.html

    Thank you Courtney for following God and being a blessing to others.
    Love in Christ,
    Meredith

  18. That was a great read. My wife and i are definitely going through the worse, and im hoping for the best we both have our issues to work on but god isnt exactly in both our lives. Anywho enjoyed it and definitely gave good insight. Thanks

  19. Thank you for this! I am in the For Worse part, because my marriage is ending. My husband is divorcing me and left the church. I am a stay at home, homeschooling Mom. We are selling our house and I have injuries and am getting sick. I have an awesome church family and two beautiful girls. God is good! I need a job and someone I trust to watch my kids while I work, as I will have them the majority of the time. Also, need a place to live once our house sells. God has prevented me from trying to “fix” him and our marriage like I tried to do for years. I am not God and I of course failed miserably. His will be done! Please pray

  20. Marriage is pretty bad. Personally, I’m doing much better. You mentioned we sometimes go through these things to purify us. I have no clue what God has planned for my future or my marriage but we have been separated for over two years now. During which I have come to know and understand more about God than during the rest of my life. I do not know about my husband, he says one thing but lives another. All I can do is pray for him and the woman he is with and trust God with my future.

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