3 Timeless Truths Of Marriage
I am so excited to have my friend Jen, the Unveiled Wife, here as a guest writing about 3 Timeless Truths of Marriage.
Jennifer Smith began UnveiledWife.com, a web-based ministry for wives, in March 2011. She publishes weekly marriage articles including encouragements, devotions, and prayers of the day. She authored The Unveiled Wife, Wife After God, and 31 Prayers For My Husband. She is passionately devoted to encouraging wives all around the world to develop God-centered marriages. Jennifer and her family reside in Central Oregon.
Jen writes:
The marriage relationship is one of beauty, but often times includes heartache and hardship.
In eight years of marriage, my husband, Aaron, and I have experienced such a broad range of emotions tangled up in our love for each other, and some days we found stronger negative feelings toward each other, than of passionate love.
Despite all the different seasons our marriage has endured, there is something incredibly miraculous about two people learning how to become one!
God saved our marriage and stripped our hearts of unmet expectations, sin, and insecurities that threatened to destroy our relationship.
God loves marriage and I believe that He wants husbands and wives to continue to grow in their understanding of how He designed marriage to refine us and ultimately draw us closer to Him.
3 Timeless Truths of Marriage
1. God is the glue that holds us together!
Without understanding His great design of the covenant of marriage, His amazing grace, and unconditional love, my husband and I would not still be married today.
Our relationship requires our reliance on God to help us through the hardships that come with marriage. And the more we grow closer to God, the closer we draw toward each other in true intimacy.
2. Transparency is a must!
The message I share through my blog and book, The Unveiled Wife, is the power of being real, open, and honest in communion with God and our spouse.
When we hide who we are or what we struggle with, we suffer and end up isolating ourselves in our hurt and dissatisfaction.
Instead, we must be willing to talk about the heart issues that really matter, offering ourselves to be fully known so that we may be fully loved. I personally have found that the only way to embrace true intimacy is through making myself known to God and my husband, but doing so requires trust, courage, and crushing fears!
3. Love is a daily choice!
I mention towards the end of my book how the climax of our intimacy issues and other frustrations in our relationships stirred up the thought of divorce in both my husband and I.
However, we chose to stay together because we realized despite how we felt, love is a daily choice that we are given, not merely a feeling.
Loving like Jesus is not always easy, but it will radically impact your marriage in a postive way. I hope and pray we all will grasp the length, width, and depth of God’s unconditional love and amazing grace, as well as how we can extend both to our spouse on a daily basis.
If you are interested in knowing more of my marriage story or how the power of transparency can be transforming and healing please check out my newly released book The Unveiled Wife!
An Open Letter From A Wife – Jennifer writes:
I was thrilled to become a wife and live an extraordinary life with my husband. However, when expectations were left unmet, my dream of happily-ever-after was crushed by reality.
Bitterness and anger grew in my heart toward my husband and toward God, and the result left me feeling isolated and lonely. This book trailer is a heart-felt letter I wrote that sums up much of my journey in The Unveiled Wife as a bride being transformed by my experiences in marriage.
{if you reading this post in an email – click over to the blog to see the video – and – enter the giveaway}
I (Courtney) had the opportunity to read an advance copy of her book. Here’s my endorsement:
“The Unveiled Wife is a story of struggle but also of victory.
Jennifer Smith’s humble and transparent writing of her newlywed disappointments, insecurities, temptations and struggles in the bedroom, will help women who feel alone in their marital struggles.
Jen inspires women to not give up when things do not go as planned, to keep turning to the Lord, and to overcome through embracing intimacy with God and your husband.”
GIVEAWAY of 2 Copies!
Jennifer is giving away two free copies of her book to WLW Readers – hooray!
Enter to win by leaving a comment sharing –1 Timeless Truth you have learned about marriage– or how this article blessed you!
Giveaway ends Friday at midnight. Winners will be announced on this post here, this Saturday.
The winners of the giveaway are:
Tracy and Tamm. Congratulations – I sent you both an email.
Walk with the King,
Courtney
For more information on the book – go to UnveiledWife.com.
To Purchase now – go to Amazon.com. (affiliate link)
**Winners of the previous giveaway were announced on the last giveaway post and received an email from me.
Love grows when it is active. When I am looking for ways to bless my husband and acting on them I am less likely to be bothered by inconsequential stuff
This, like the daily emails and prayers from Jen, blesses me as an everyday reminder that God matched me with my husband before we even knew one another! He put us together and it is my job to treat him the way God intends a wife to treat her husband!
The timeless truth I have learned in my marriage of 10 years is that the tough times (a miscarriage and a stillbirth) in our marriage have brought us so much closer to each other, to God, and our faith! Many couples that go through these sorts of tragedies don’t make it, but those that are willing to put their faith in God and in each other push through and come out stronger on the other side!! I will never take for granted the care and concern my husband has for me now but especially the care he had for me when we were going through our heartbreaks!
God is so good and you women a re a huge blessing to me and my marriage!!
Marriage is an everyday commitment to love your spouse. This takes work and lots and lots of grace from both partners. I am blessed to read about others who go through struggles but still try to stick with it.
One timeless truth of our 15 year marriage….pray together daily.
Marriage is not just a commitment, but a commitment to the commitment.
If God is at the center love wins out. Everytime!
There is one comment that made me stop reading the minute I read it – Love is a daily choice. Wow that is a powerful and very honest statement. It isn’t easy to love as God loves us, but it is a choice, Wow!!!!
After being married almost 19 years, I am learning more and more of how love is a decision, not an emotion!
Commitment. I have learned through 14 years of marriage, if you’re not committed you’re wasting your time. Through sickness, poverty, uncertainty, deaths…you have to stay committed to one another. Most couples give up when disaster strikes because they’re not committed. When you stick together through the thick and thin you not only come out on top, but you’ve grown as a couple and shown commitment to one another. Thank you for your article!
constant communication and the everyday choice to love your spouse is extremely important to keep your marriage strong!
Exactly as you said.. Marriage.. and staying married is a choice. We don’t make decisions based on emotion. We are in for the long run and having God as the center, brings out the best in each of us. We are FAR too selfish without Him. {Thanks for the chance to win Courtney!}
Jen gives great tips. I agree that love is a choice. We need to choose to love and to act in loving ways even when we don’t feel like it 🙂
My husband and i will be married 28 years this year. One timeless truth that i have truely learned .. Mostly the hard way is it really is about being the type of person God wants you to be for Him and your spouse.. You cant change people . Thats Gods job. Only yourself .. Pleasing God , seeking HIM with your heart and life is the launching board to being committed to your marriage and the difficult times.
I have learned that we must choose daily to walk in love, and as you walk in love , the motive behind your attitude is revealed, and sometimes it is not so nice, so you can choose a different attitude. Love should be the motivator of all we do ,think, and say . God has worked mightily in my marriage, enough so, that I married, divorced and remarried the same man, by the GRACE of God. I am blessed , and even in the hard times, I have the Lord to guide and lead and love me, and the hard times come to every marriage.
I learned you have to be honest with each other and have open communication
This post was so beautiful and everything Jennifer says, speaks to my heart and is of the same sentiment.
I’m in my second marriage and I’m certain I would not be married today if I had not let God into my life in a big way. We have now been married almost 23 years. God gave me so much Grace I could shout it from the rooftop! He gave me a second husband who loves the Lord and is so very steadfast in that. In our first years together I was even jealous of the Lord, can you imagine? Because somehow I knew my husband loved Jesus more than anything. I realized a few years ago that if my husband had not loved the Lord so much, he would never have had the patience to put up with me!
Our Lord is so patient…My eyes have been opened and I know now that if we did not both love God and put Him foremost, we would not be together today.
Thank you Courtney, and Jennifer for sharing your story. I hope many young women will read and share your book. I’d love to win it and pass it along to the young married women in my family.
One timeless truth I have learned is you cannot change other people and that everything has a season. thx
Read Ephesians 5:33 and live it.
Read Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs. There is a fantastic prayer at the back of the book with timeless truths.
My husband and I are desperately seeking to reconcile after a long period of separation due to alcoholism. We both have our eyes open and see the marriages that endure and prosper are those with God at the center and two people united in their love of God and daily devotion to Him and each other. I long for this and love the posts guiding my way from others traveling the journey ahead.
I became a Christian when my husband left me over 20 years ago. A number of years ago, God opened the door for me to facilitate a home group for women. I was the only single in the group. God used my life to let women know that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence and that their marriage was worth fighting for. It is such a joy to watch marriages heal and become strong. Although I am still not married, I continue to work with married women as well as those who are divorced, desiring to marry. The Unveiled Wife is one of the tools I use. It is through honesty and openness that our lives can be used by God to help others. Thank you!
My husband and I have been married almost 15 years. The timeless truths that we have learned is never go to bed angry and a marriage is like a triangle. At the top point of the triangle is God and at the bottom 2 points are myself and my husband. The closer we get to God the closer we get to each other. We’ve had our share of disagreements, arguments and trials but in the end it has drawn is closer the God and together.
A timeless truth is that no matter what I do or how I act my hubby loves me.
Thank you for your testimony, it’s a blessing
I am not married and never have been, however my sister is and is struggling in her marriage. If I win I will send this book to her to prayerfully help her marriage and her relationship with God. Thank you for the advice and the opportunity to win.
My truth is that “savings face” is the quickest path to divorce. When my husband acted like he was unaffected by our arguments I turned off my emotions too trying to not look desperate for us to fix the problem. No one wants to look foolish or needy or like the only one who cares so we mask our true feelings. But we both realized that we are desperately in love, foolishly perfect for each other, and needy for all the grace God shows us. So we boldly declare our feelings everyday now because it’s time to save this marriage, not “save face”.
This resonates. Thanks for sharing it.
It is so easy to put everything else before your marriage, especially kids. I have learned that you have to be very intentional in making time for each other and your marriage.
the timeless truth I have learned is that you need to communicate honestly with one another. My husband is in the military and we have spent more time apart than together during the last 9 years of our marriage. That’s hard! If we didn’t communicate openly and honestly with one another our marriage may not be standing as strong as it is today! PTSD, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment; these things have all plagued our marriage. But when we are honest with one another about our needs, it makes it so much easier to tackle life’s mountains.
Thank you for your great sacrifice to us, your countrymen. Pls tell your hubby too.
Marriage is work. It can be hard work. Input equals output. It requires SACRIFICE. Oh how I am learning this. Sacrifice costs us something. Sacrifice usually doesn’t “feel” good. Loving someone sacrificially and intentionally does not, does not give us feelings of the “warm and fuzzies.” Ultimately love is action not feeling. Love is sacrifice!
Taking time each day to focus on one another and talk about whatever is on our hearts and minds has helped both our emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
Complete trust in your mate, forgiveness when trust is broken! God has never failed you yet!
Not only becoming unveiled but giving HIM the chance to do so.
Listening to him expressing his feelings without responding . Just giving him the feeling that he is heard. – sorry for my English 🙂
(I already read the book -advanced copy- so if win I would give it to a friend in church)
Like the video,it totally hit home in certain things,but it home that i spoken some of this when i confess to god,about me beigning his,in the beginning.
The grass is not greener on the other side. It is greener where you nourish it.
Your marriage like grass grows when you water it. Love will overcome anything.
Obedience: When we are obedient to God’s design for marriage He blesses it and through that blessings we are able to see the love of Him through our spouse and give the love in return 🙂
Thank you for pouring yourself and your feelings out for the world to see. Just when I feel like giving up, God gives me inspiration though messages and people like you.
Timeless Truth: Marriage is HARD work! My husband and I are on different pages in different books most of the time but the binding that keeps us together is God’s book.
Our timeless truth: The past is the past. Forgive & let it go. Otherwise it will be allowed to come back to hurt your present & future.
My husband was brought into my life by God and that is my first thought everytime I look at him… This man with all his perfectness and flaws was a gift from God. Bless our marriage and show grace, for this is one of the greatest gift I will ever receive.
One timeless truth about marriage that I have learned is that you have to carve out some special alone time together. Go out to eat together (without the kiddos) and sit and talk! Put your phones away and have a real conversation. Start ‘dating’ each other again. We try to go on a date about once a month. It really is a special time!
The greatest truth I’ve learned in the past two years of being married is that I am extremely selfish. This causes me to treat my husband unkindly and not as I want to be treated. When I make a conscious effort (and pray alot!) to put his desires and needs above mine, I notice a closeness in our relationship that just cannot exist in the midst of my selfishness.
The greatest truth that I am learning is that God must be the center of our marriage. We have slipped and fallen and lost sight of each other and God. We are on the road to recovery, but I feel that it is an everyday choice; not just reading the words, or saying the words, but living the words to others, to each other and mostly to God.
Love is something we choose, We choose to give it and we choose to receive it. (paraphrase from Chaos Therory,(movie))
Receive Love the way your husband offers it even when it’s not how you were expecting.
Choose Daily to give yourself to him.
It’s all CHOICE! not FEELING. The Feelings come after the Choice.
Forgiveness is key!!
We have been married 41 years 6 months. It is still a work of God as we are both sinners. We have had many heartaches (the loss of 3 of our 6 children at birth, my breakdown, etc). I guess my biggest hold on to is the fact that tomorrow is another day! Praise God His mercies are new every morning, His faithfulness endures! I can get up every day and make the choice, “I love you today” to my husband. I do not have to go beyond today because we only have today. There is no guarantee of tomorrow. I live in the present, letting go of the past and hoping for tomorrow. But because He lives I can face whatever that brings. God is good ALL the time! Your words were such an encouragement to this 61 year old woman!
I have only been married 605 days…that’s little over a year an a half. My husband and I have a count up app that started on our wedding day and it is neat to see the small milestones creep up. I’d like to say that we enjoy every moment of marriage but we don’t. Work and other obligations often don’t leave us enough time with each other. We have made a commitment to take time to celebrate milestones–not just our anniversary. We just celebrated 500 days of marriage a few months ago with a special out to dinner treat. It allows us to recognize the important role we play in each others lives and to consciously take the time to reconnect.
It takes work day in and day out. You have to choose to love even when you want to the least. The hardest truth I have learned is to let petty things go, even when you know you’re right.
ive learned that selfless love as God commands requires putting aside our own needs or desires & to serve our spouse. It is not easy, but I have seen how God has grown our marriage as a result of choosing selflessness.
Never go to bed angry with one another.
Through my marriage I learned that forgiveness is something you have to be willing to give. We’re human.we make mistakes. We will fail all of the time. Your spouse counts on you and sometimes you won’t be there. Or they won’t be there for you. But in love, you have to let it go and choose to forgive. It’s the only way to move past what hurts the most.
My husband and I just celebrated 19 years of marriage on February 28, 2015.
The journey has not been an easy one. Although we founded our marriage on the holy foundations and biblical principles, we have experienced hurt, sadness, frustration, and disappointment. There was a terrible trying time for us, and as a result we both agreed that divorce court was the only way out.
But something beautiful happened. Our daughter at the tender age of 7, and immensely in love with the Lord, prayed over and anointed us and truly and genuinely believed without a shadow of a doubt, that “Jesus is the only way” as she so simply put it.
Our #1 timeless truth is surrendering it ALL to Jesus! We started praying together as a couple, and as a family. The Bible is full of Scriptures on surrendering.
These are the Scriptures that helped us as we prayed them out loud to one another:
Matthew 16:24:27
Proverbs 3:5-6
James 4:8
1 Corinthians 10:13
Psalms 9:10
1 Corinthians 6:20
Psalms 46:10
Our marriage and our family has been restored to love, peace, joy, harmony and unity. To what it was intended to be from the beginning.
Isaiah 11:6 reads, “The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.”
There is hope! His name is Jesus! Our daughter is so very precious to us, and today we strongly believe that the good Lord used her as a messenger to reinstate His biblical formula to a successful and loving marriage. We don’t have the perfect marriage…no one does. But now when situations arise, we run to the only One that can make a way where there is no way! Jesus, the Word of God, and fasting and prayer. We simply surrender it all to Him!
Thank You heavenly Father for your love, mercy, grace and faithfulness.
Blessings!
Expectations in general make things difficult. I’ve learned in 17 years together that I can’t expect anything. It’s not fair of me to think that my husband knows how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking, and vice versa.
Communication to express love and concerns with one another.
love is a decision. I too have thought of divorce but I made a commitment to God and my
husband and I intend to keep it. it keeps you relying on God and also shows you where there are areas you didn’t know you need work on or are being selfish
Time really helps if you allow it to. Allowing time to change your feelings if they are hurt or troubled, allowing time as you slowly receive more forgiveness in your heart. Allowing time to foster better feelings towards your spouse, or vice versa.
Cooking Up Faith
http://www.cookingupfaith.org
My husband and I married in 2001. In 2011, he confessed to lying for eight years about his addiction to pornography, which became a habitual pattern of lying to me about all sorts of things. I felt devastated and rudderless. Overnight, he’d become a stranger I didn’t know and could not trust.
After several months of contemplating divorce, I joined a support group for wives who’ve been betrayed by their husbands. There I learned some important truths that changed my view of my husband, and Jesus Christ gave me the power to forgive him, beings as how I discovered that I’m no better than he is, since there is none righteous, no, not one (Romans 3:10). But how could I go on living with a man who struggled with lying? How was I to know when he was telling the truth?
The writer of our support group curriculum, herself a once-betrayed wife, gave this advice: Trust his actions, not his words. I may not have been able to believe what my husband said, but I could believe what he did. I couldn’t trust that he would keep his promise to change, but I could trust that he would exhibit fairly predictable behavior patterns that would show me if he’d changed or not. I couldn’t trust him when he swore he’d stop lying, but I could believe that he was trying because he kept going to his own support group every week. I couldn’t trust him when he said that he would never abandon me, but I could trust that he hadn’t moved out. There was really no way for me to know when he was telling the truth, but I could tell if he was doing the truth, and that became my anchor.
Over time, I began to see that he was doing a lot more truth than I’d given him credit for, and God gave me the courage to fall in love with him again. We renewed our vows in 2012, and now our marriage is a lot more real than it used to be. I still trust his actions over his words, but today, I do that for his sake as well as for mine. He needs the freedom to fail, just like I do, and he needs grace, just like I do. Together we are broken, and together we fall on grace.
Whether I receive a free copy or buy one I will read this book very soon. I am thankful to see that I am not the only one who is struggling and that there is hope. Every day is a new day with new hurdles but I know with God I can do anything! My husband and I got married young and have been together for 17 years now, we have had lots of ups and downs but we both know that we are still together because of God and that we chose to love each other every day! I hope and pray that many women find peace reading your blog and books! You have been such a light and inspiration, what a God send. Thank you for hearing and following God’s path He has planned for you!!
NEVER give up! It isn’t easy, but it is way worth the struggle. Always pray daily and always show how much you care. Even if it’s something small, it makes a huge difference!
I have Jennifer’s other books and love her ministry. She has gotten me through some rough days in my marriage…I turn to her devotions and to prayer to get me through each time.
Staying married is an intentional act. It’s not something you “just do.” It’s a daily commitment to forgive often and never give up. Only by Jesus’ example to love and the grace of God, can we make it.
I’ve learned that you can’t expect your spouse to meet/fill a need unless you communicate that need to them. Seems simple enough, but so many frustrations can arise when we don’t speak out our hearts desires.
Also, I’ve learned how drastically different men and women are according to their needs. Men need respect and women need love as their basic need. All simple things, but if you aren’t being intentional in your marriage about these, it’s easy to lose sight of them. I wanted my husband to be the spiritual leader of our family, to lead us and to take control. Before that could happen, I had to step down, biblically submit, and give him the respect and authority that he so deserves. What a lesson in humility for me, and what a 180 in our marriage! God is so gracious!
I learned early on through the counsel of a Godly Pastor’s wife that I was not responsible for making him holy. That’s God’s job. That frees me up to bring him joy! I also love that you mentioned love is a choice. I have told my girls for years that love is a verb…it requires action!
Forgiveness is an important part of marriage.
What has helped me most is finally having my husband realize he needs to protect me from attacks by his family. He now will stand up for me. Like the Bible says, two shall become one!
I am blessed to have found the Unveiled Wife. Her words and prayers speak right to my heart as I’m struggling to save my marriage. But no matter what God’s will may be for my marriage, I am blessed to have found this wonderful person.
I have learned that no matter the struggles we face in our marriage that the reason I fell in love with my Husband always comes showering over me at some point in a struggle. It gives me relief and hope that we can conquer anything together. Thank you for this article! God bless!
Unveiled wife’s books and articles have helped me focus on what’s important in my marriage. We’ve been blessed so much because of the sound, biblical counsel and the experiences she’s shared.
The daily prayers from Unveiled Wife seem to always fit into a situation my husband and I find ourselves in. I would say that #2 was definitely a lifesaver in our lives together too!!
Thank you for doing what you do!
I have this book on my TBR list. It sounds like valuable reading, regardless of the length of the marriage. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that loving my husband is a constant, but showing him that love is hard when I’m angry or hurt. Showing him that I love him *when* it’s hard means so much to him and makes it easier for me to remember that I DO love him. lol So we might be in the middle of a disagreement, but I’ll make him a drink when I make mine. We can be unhappy with each other at the moment, but we still love each other. That’s important to remember.
Love this!! Such practical truths!
One timeless truth I’ve learned is that our marriage won’t survive without grace. Grace from God for myself. Grace from God for my husband. And then grace from me to my husband and from him to me. It’s true what they say…you don’t really get to know a person until you live with them! 🙂
marriage – always make room for fun and for time alone without kids.
A timeless truth I have learned… infidelity will always be a possible temptation, no one is immune to it, but the only way to avoud it is to stop comparing your spouse to other people, to stop holding them to a standard that only Jesus can meet in your life. Only Jesus can fill that gaping hole that a person can never fill.
More than just this post, both Unveiled Wife and Women Living Well have been blessings to me. My husband and myself are still on this road and being transformed by God. It is amazing how He can use everything, including the trials, to refine us into a couple better towards each other and better for serving Him. These truths really are something. At the core, these truths will make you strong as a couple. The one that gets me the most, is how love is a daily choice. How often we think love is forever and once we love someone, that will never change. This fairy tale of love makes it really difficult when those thoughts and doubts come in about whether we really should be together. Maybe we aren’t right for each other after all. I think this was something my husband struggled with a lot a few years ago. He didn’t think he was right for me because of our circumstances and felt it would be better to leave me “free” to marry another that would be the right fit. It’s taken a while for him to realize that regardless of fit, we are together and should remain together. This past month has been amazing in terms of closeness we’ve never experienced before as a couple. Our priorities are more in sync with God’s design, not quite right, but better. We have focused on being a family together more and have become stronger as a whole for that. So incredibly thankful for everything He has been doing and how much better everything is.
I’ve learned, after losing my first husband to a car accident when my oldest daughter was just 7 weeks old, that life is so precious! I am since remarried with two more children. What my loss taught me that I carry over to my second marriage, is to let the little stuff go and choose to love everyday. Life is too short to fight over the inconsequentials!! ❤️
Very thoight provoking. Thx for sharing. Nothing like the pain of your past to make this truth more impactful.
A timeless truth for marriage is communication. Communication with God (both as a couple and individually), communication with each other, and communication with others about how they can becoming closer to God to experience marriage success.
It’s been a blessing to read your articles. Nowadays marriage is seen as a disposable and selfish relationship where if we are not happy we just ended; it’s hard to find godly counsel and in the difficult moments godly encouragement. Every time I read an article I feel so much better because it either reaffirms I’m going on a good direction, sometimes makes me see necessary changes need to be made or it just makes me fell that I’m not walking alone through a difficult moment.
God bless you ladies and I pray he continues speaking to your hearts so you can share more with us.
I have learned that there MUST be trust between a husband and wife.
I’m currently going through a hard time in my marriage and have been leaning on God to help me through since my husband isnt a man of faith I’ve been praying alone, reading the advice and other comments gives me great strength and positivity that everything will be ok and God will help save my marriage!!
To forgive QUICKLY! Don’t allow anger, hurt, bitterness take hold. (celebrating 20 years this August!)
My husband and I will have been married 3 years a week from today, March 11. The most important thing I have learned – our 1 timeless truth – is that listening and loving are more important than being right. It is so easy to think that you are not doing anything wrong and it’s all your spouse’s fault, if they would only understand you! But I have found that when we actually sit down and talk, I often have hurt my spouse in a way that I didn’t see. Letting my pride get in the way damages so much!
Yes! You must choose love every day, no matter the circumstances you’re facing. Choosing to act in love rather than anger or resentment will make all the difference.
That it’s not up to us to change each other, that’s up to God.
So true and a great reminder! I also think it’s important to pray together and to worship together!!!
Maintaining respect is a priority. Once it’s lost, it is so hard to reclaim and sometimes it’s impossible. Loss of respect opens the marriage to a free-for-all of insults, harsh tones, hitting below the proverbial belt, and boundaries fall. Every relationship of every type needs boundaries, and loss of respect tears down the loving boundaries that are in place to keep our relationships rich and healthy.
Thank you for this article!
One of the timeless marriage steps I learned from my grandmother and my mom is that you and your spouse should NEVER go to bed angry!!
This is something that my husband and I have worked hard to follow. We will be celebrating our 12th anniversary this coming Sunday and can honestly say that it works!!!! We talk out our anger before going to bed so when we get up in the morning, we are glad to see each other!
My husband and I are going through some very tough times with things that our children are going through right now. This is very stressful on our marriage. Having these positive and very encouraging messages to read everyday is so helpful!
Thank you!
My husband and I are both sinners with clashing selfish desires but we choose daily to put the other first. And usually, we are blessed more than the other by our selflessness. I have just recently discovered The Unveiled Wife site and I’m inspired by Jen’s authentic soul sharing.
Love is a choice and is ment to be a blessing. Thanks the message was encouraging.
A timeless truth I have learned in our seven years of marriage is that forgiveness is a MUST! Despite what I wanted to believe, I had to realize that my husband was a sinner, too, and he wasn’t perfect. Accepting that changed so many things in our relationship, and allowed me to truly understand how important forgiveness is in marriage.
Wow just wow!! I receive jennifer emails on my mail. It vey helpful! But this part right here.. “Bitterness and anger grew in my heart toward my husband and toward God, and the result left me feeling isolated and lonely”. I been feeling like this at times with my marriage! Iam just in awe with God and grateful i found women like you guys on blogs it awesome it soo encouraging to so many of us! Ohh i hope iam a winner i really need this! Be Bless courtney & jennifer.may God of heaven keep using you guys in such mighty ways like he is doing and be he be forever be glorify! 🙂 amen
my husband and I have been through so much together we married the first time together in 2008 and divorced in 2010 and still had problems communicating and then we got back together and remarried each other in 2012 and have been together ever since,I love reading unveiled wife posts and prayers cause they really help me see things through a different perspective and teach me to love my husband even more and in New ways,I still have trust issues I’m working on but we’ve come so far and I truly believe God has a big plan for us and our marriage cause we’ve tackled some pretty big mountains together and have overcame so many issues we’ve had with each other,thank you for sharing your stories with us and encouraging us wives to hang in there and keep going and improving our marriages
Rid yourself of expectations for your spouse. And The power of the tongue. I’ve always heard it and I’ve learned that a marriage relationship is such an important place for taming the tongue.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1
I love this!
What I’ve learned-
I must realize every day that we are both still sinners and need grace! We need to give each other grace!
Never underestimate the value of loyalty to your husband. Whether he is there or not. I’ve learned sometimes I can end up on the wrong side if I’m not intentional.
One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t have to FEEL loving to BE loving. The feelings of love often follow the action of love.
God is definitely our glue and strength that holds us together. He is my peace When it’s so hard. He is my trust when it’s been broken. He is my love when I feel unloved. He is my confidence when I feel insecure. He is my joy when I feel sad. As I lean on God for my marriage, I allow Him to step in and bring healing and cover everything in love!!
A timeless truth I have learnt in my marriage is that we are two individuals with our shortcomings. the best thing to do for each other is to fully accept the fact that we wouldn’t have heard it better with anyone else. relying only on God and being true to each…our marriage can truly be “a happy ever after”. God bless you
I have learned from my 5 years of marriage, that as stated, love is a daily choice. Sometimes it is a choice I don’t want to make, but the truth is it’s a choice I decided to make everyday, the day I said my vows.
I haven’t been married for very long but what I have learnt so far is that in the same way we rely on God for other things in our live, reliance on God is paramount to a successful marriage. It is not simply praying when things get bad. For marriage to work the way God intended we must every day choose to lay down our lives for our spouses, which means asking God’s help every day. He’s the best person to give advice, since He’s done it before :).
I haven’t learned any timeless truths to share yet, as I’m not getting married until August, but the second point in this article, the importance of transparency is something that makes a lot of sense to me, but isn’t something I’ve directly thought of. I think maybe I’ve had this expectation that transparency and that kind of intimacy will happen automatically when we’re married, but I’m realizing it’s something that I will have to work on more than I thought. We’re kind of a backwards couple, in that he recognizes that need for transparency way more than I do, and he’s really good at opening his heart to me, where it’s something I have to be more intentional about.
I’ve been married almost 20 years, there are many ups and downs, times you think you will not get through things but with God all things are possible. Keep God 1st in your marriage, go to him daily thanking him and in prayer and he will provide. You may not know why things have happened like they did but God has a bigger picture in mind. There will be storms in your path but he will guide you.
#3 love is a daily choice. My aunt gave me similar advice before I got married when her marriage was in a rough patch, she made a vow to love him till death do them part and that’s what she was gonna do even on the days she didn’t like him.
One timeless truth that I am constantly reminding myself of is that my husband needs my encouragement and prayer more than he needs criticism and judgement. In the beginning of my marriage, I thought that if I nagged him enough, he would eventually do whatever I needed or wanted him to do. I now see that encouraging him and praying for and with him has helped both of us to grow closer to one another and to God. Of course we still have difficulties, but I’ve learned that my approach and attitude towards the problems that come makes all the difference!!
This article confirms more and more that each and every day I have the choice to love my husband and make things work. My husband has gone through some difficult circumstances which has affected me greatly. But I choose to love him every day like God loves us. No matter what we go through I pray daily for God to show me how to be the Godly wife my husband needs me to be.
We are young, he will grow just as I will grow. We are blessed to have the opportunity to grow together.
That’s what I’m constantly reminding myself. 🙂
One truth is you have to laugh together and often! I look forward to all the laughs I’ll be sharing with my husband and am thankful for the ones we’ve already had.
~Blessings!
The three points this article are just so on target. With God at the head of it, that’s a great foundation! When my husband and I were thinking of marriage, something my adoptive father said to me was, “Donna (his wife) and I didn’t really agree on much early in our marriage, but the one thing we did agree on was God. So that was where we always started and came back to.” It’s been phenomenal advice not only for our marriage, but I think really for the couples we now counsel during pre-marital counseling as a Pastor/wife team. Starting your marriage foundation on God really does set the tone for the rest of your years together on earth, but helps also to start to see one another in an eternal sense. I highly recommend Francis & Lisa Chan’s, ‘You And Me Forever.’ It is a great book that we have added to our pre-marital counseling reading for couples. Francis really shines the light of thinking eternally in terms of marriage, parenting and how you view your spouse.
My marriage works so much better when I put aside my selfish expectations and focus on making myself the wife God created me to be!
Blessed by the point of transparency. I talk about this quite a bit with others, but had to learn it the hard way in my marriage. I thought that by keeping some things to myself, I was saving my husband worry. Boy was I wrong! Thank you for sharing!
This is why I read every word of the blog–it always blesses my marriage. Today I (and my husband) are recovering from a huge fight with each other. This blessed me and reminded me that my husband is my gift from the creator. The reasons that the Father sent me this man was to smooth out my rough places and compliment areas of my life that I need it…the Father knew what I needed and even when I think I know better I need to remember that God is always right.
My life truth is….God is always right in His choices for His children….love each other with that knowledge.
As a young wife I agree that God holds your marriage together. The transparency issue I have need to learn better.
I have been so blessed by Jennifer’s blogs and can’t wait to read her book! I would love to win it!! Marriage is so so so hard. We are going through a difficult time right now in the battle over our marriage – Satan will use whatever he can to divide spouses, and porn is a very easy one for him to use in our current age. Thank you Jennifer for your words of encouragement. My husband and I are certainly battling the enemy.
Love is a choice each and every day. It is so important that we, as women, support each other, being open and transparent in the ups and downs of marriage. Hollywood makes us believe that it is all about passion but there is no compassion. We are not perfect and yet we expect perfection from our spouse and our relationship. We need to stay committed to one another, loving in and through the hard times. Marriage is a representation of Christ’s love for the church…a love that is unconditional and long suffering.
My husband and I will be celebrating 9 years of marriage on March 10 and we have had our ups and downs but I have learned over the years that we are growing up together and we love each other as long as God is apart of our relationship we will be ok.
A timeless truth in marriage I have learned or should say my husband and I have learned. Hold on to each other tight because you are either about to walk into a storm, in the midst of a storm or just walking out of a storm. Love each like crazy with God as the center and anchor because a storm by yourself is scary!!
Three very important things to remember but we often forget or over look. Thank you for reminding us, #1 It is not us who keeps us together it’s God and only him. #2. Being open and honest is not an easy thing to do especially when we are not feeling loved. It’s easier to shut down and keep it all in. I have found by doing so only makes things worse and nothing gets settled. And lastly, Love is a daily choice. Christ’s love for us kept him on that cross dispite what he might have been “feeling”. It was a choice, and may we choose to love one another each day as Christ loves us regardless of what we have done or will do, say or have said. May we love with his Agape love. You are a blessing Jennifer. Please keep the post coming.
God is able. Especially when we aren’t. Thank you for your encouragement! Your blog has been such a blessing to me!
My marriage has been so blessed ever since I started praying Jennifers prayers I receive by email every morning. This blog post is so inspiring as she always is to me, my marriage and just in my life in general! I look so forward to reading the rest of the book. Thank-you so much for your never-ending encouragement and inspiration!
Do I have to narrow it down to one? I think the main thing is that it’s not always about you, or what makes you happy, or even what makes your spouse happy… it’s about doing what’s right in the eyes of God. I love the saying that marriage wasn’t created to make you happy it was created to make you Holy – the faster we learn this and practice the instructions God gave us, the happier we will all be! With God as your glue, you’ll never separate.
The timeless truth that I see right now, having experienced a few friends divorcing/separating, and seeing the struggles in my own marriage – often marriages struggle the most on the cusp of following God in a radical way. The enemy tries to break you apart so that you can’t be used by God in the BEST way He has for you as a united, married couple. Sadly, he has succeeded in the lives of several friends. I am determined that he won’t in my marriage. And I look forward to the day that we’re through the testing and on to our next adventure – together! (And having learned through the struggles better how to communicate and support each other. What the enemy meant for evil, God will use for good!)
Back together after my husband had a three year affair. It’s not easy but worth every struggle. This is how I made it. Praying that God will help me be selfless. ALWAYS loving him and NEVER GIVING UP bc God doesn’t give up on me. Coming to the realization and completely understanding that “I can’t fix him or my marriage is GREAT relief. I Can only work on myself the rest is God’s responsibility”. We will make it and be better than before bc my God is the winner.
Dating does NOT end once you get married. Keeping dates as an important part of your marriage is crucial to a long-lasting love and a joy filled marriage. You have to spend time with your husband!
I appreciate all positive blog posts on marriage – and this one was excellent! Simple and to the point! All couples need to read this one!
This article has helped me see that I shouldn’t give up on my marriage. I need to learn to love my husband again. I cannot allow life and bad circumstances dictate my journey. When I married it was for better or for worse…how can I give up on the worse?!? I hope to get a chance to read this book and have it maybe help me see a little clearer. 🙂
The biggest thing I learned was when I realized that I was responsible to change myself and not my husband.
I do not own the book but did watch unveiled wife book study videos. The biggest impact Jennifer’s confessions had on me was realizing that I was not superior in my marriage only because I had different types of sins- I was no better. That simple video completely turned my view.
Thanks Jennifer,
I look forward to reading more of your book!
Years ago growing up I memorized 1 Corinthians 13. You know the one:
…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres….
Shortly after my now husband and I became engaged we had a time of long distance while I was on missions. The lack of communication caused us both to fight in what precious time we had, and I found myself begin to say this chapter as I became upset with him. To this day, almost 7 years later saying this verse when we fight has shaped our marriage and how we love each other. He left his dirty clothes on the floor again? …Love is not easily angered, I will put them in the laundry basket instead of fighting. I took a paycut at my job to work towards a promotion later? …Love is not self-seeking, always trusts, He chooses to trust my decision for the paycut and give up his daily coffee on the way to work. When we had a miscarriage…Love always hopes and perseveres, God will provide us with children one way or another and we will cry together and rejoice together through it.
So my tip for marriage, does your love reflect Christ’s love?
Grace and patience is required in marriage. At least I know that to be true in mine. Without God and those things I don’t think we would survive.
I agree with the love is a choice. An aunt told me that 5 years ago and I never realized it before then and I’m so thankful she shared that with me.
Marriage is hardworking is 2 imperfect people working together to make imperfect progress day by day!
My husband and I are a team. The same team. Us. Together. Never just me or him. We are one. We are a united front against anything that comes our way.
The timeless truth I have found to be true is that God must absolutely be first in our lives or we can’t accomplish anything in our marriage. Also without the Holy Spirit we will not show each other the love & kindness we should.
One thing I have learned in my 12 years of marriage. Always be sensitive to the other person’s mood. Don’t feed into their sour mood, try to pull them out of it gently understanding that everyone has moody days and all you can do is be there and love them.
After 11 years of marriage our timeless truth is:
Learn to grow together without growing apart.
We have been through so many different season in our marriage and we have always made it a point to come together after and express what we learned from it and how to apply what we learned everyday. In today’s society its so easy to get caught up in “life” that one day you both wake up and dont even know eachother.
Whenever I have feelings of bitterness, or resentment towards my husband, I stop and pray for myself and him. I ask God to change my heart, and give me more patience towards him.
Those thoughts are not from God, but are from Satan, who is trying to destroy our marriage.
being a newlywed of almost 2 years and struggling with chronic migraines has brought some interesting, conflicting emotions and thoughts to the fore. Through this time I have realized how important it is to focus on his good qualities, what he does for me, instead of what he may not do. This has greatly impacted my not getting frustrated with him when it really stems from frustration in my health. These points that Jennifer shared (i got to meet her a few years ago!!) are spot on and thank you for having her share.
I have learned that 1. The woman is Not always right…shock i know 😉 and 2. As vital forgiveness is its just as important to let go of past mistakes . If everytime a problem arises youre trying yo justify your behavior by recounting the past it will very quickly grow you bitter and prevent you from growing deeper in love with your spouse.
After being married for over 20 years God is teaching me how to be a better wife, the wife He created me to be. I am amazed at what I still need to learn an I believe that this book can help me with this process.
God bless!!
Truths I’ve learned to walk in are that love is a decision and being committed to love no matter what is hard but fulfilling. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and have struggled with affection. I have dealt with a lot of hurt, rejection, insecurities, and resentment but I have chosen to love him anyway and trust that God will help us through this and redeem the lost time.
Communication is key! Without it, no relationship can survive.
I think the greatest timeless truth about marriage that is helping me in my marriage is that there is no such thing as a fairy tale marriage many young women have a fairy tale wedding and think that everything after that will be happily ever after because that’s how it is in the books and movies but in reality marriage is hard work and there will be times you want to and almost will give up but having God as the center of our marriage has been the glue that has held us together we have to be ok with the fact that some days you will not like your spouse the one that God has given you because at the end of the day we are all still human and all need God’s grace and mercy just like everyone else.marriage is a daily dying to the flesh just like following Christ is and that is what is so beautiful about it you find someone in that is willing to die for you and you for them it is a great reminder of how Christ died for us and how much he loves us.
Never put my husband down in front of others…I always try to be uplifting and not bring out the negative.
When you have been married as long as I have, you have learned a lot about your spouse and yourself. We will celebrate 44 years of marriage in 2015. We have gone through more pain in our marriage than I thought I could endure: an emotional affair by my husband, losing three babies, my husband having a job in which he traveled about half the time, a hysterectomy at 36 with no hormone replacement (for you young ladies, that meant that I was immediately in intense menopause with no relief from symptoms for over three years), all while trying to raise two adolescents mostly alone. Plus just the normal stresses of marriage. And then last year both of our children went through divorces. So now all of our Grandchildren are children of divorce. The heartache of that is unbearable at times. But I know God loves our babies more than we do, and I trust that He will take care of them. And now I am dealing with elderly, infirmed parents. The roles have reversed, and now I have become a parent to my parents.
One thing I have learned, often the hard way, is that the cause of most disappointment and resentment in marriage is because of unmet expectations. Accepting what is; that is key. God’s Grace has kept us together when it would have been far easier to just throw in the towel. My husband loves Jesus with all his heart, and he loves me more than I deserve. Our commitment to God is first for both of us, and because of that, we know we can trust each other. He is there for me in all I am dealing with, and for that I am so thankful.
People assume that marriage gets easier the longer you are married, but so often things become more difficult with age. My husband’s parents are in heaven now. But my parents will celebrate 64 years of marriage next week. My father has Parkinson’s Disease and my mother has a bad heart. I watch them struggle to get through each day with their limitations. Their marriage has been so strong, but in the last few years it has really been tested. Their is so much anger and resentment between them because each day is so difficult. They never imagined it would be this way. They love God, but the daily struggles make loving each other not so easy. If they did not have a good foundation in Christ, I don’t think they would survive this difficult season in their life. And they do not accept their situation, so they are disappointed daily.
So I say, you must have realistic expectations of your spouse and yourself. And then accept what God has placed in your life for His purpose; which is that our lives bring glory to Him.
I have recently learned more about how to love when I don’t feel loved. It’s so hard to love your husband like Jesus when you feel your needs aren’t being met. My selfishness often makes me too stubborn. I’m so thankful for Gods endless love and teachings to help save me and make my marriage stronger.
I truly believe it God had not been in our marriage there is no way we could have made it through some of your hurdles with family.
When I count my blessings and keep my eyes on HIM, I love him more, more, more!
Live is an action. We DO love and then we feel love. It’s so important to show and do love in action when we don’t feel it or want to be loving toward our spouse. Because it is in the doing, that the feeling will follow.
Love thinks no evil and always ALWAYS assumes the best of the other person.
God needs to be the center of your marriage.
My timeless truth is don’t keep score……..
The two biggest timeless truths I’ve learned so far are patients and forgiveness. Whether you need the patiences or need to be the one that is patience it is a key to keeping it together in marragie. Forgiveness it especially important if that patience runs out. Being able to say your sorry first (even if it wasn’t exactly your fault) shows that you love him more than your ego.
This article blessed me in that it reminded me once again that I am not alone. Not that I want others to have marital struggles, but it definitely helps knowing that there are other women who understand. I was also blessed in knowing that Jen had struggles and that they were overcome. This book seems like a book of hope, and I could really use some.
as a wife-to-be (July 2015!!) I have been devouring these blog posts. Appreciate the advice on transparency. It haze been important in my relationship is far; good to hear it is just as important every single day.
A timeless truth I’ve learned is that you can get through anything by praying together. We’ve learned from experience that it can diffuse a tense situation, give you both comfort and peace when you’ve dealt with a death of a loved one, or even give strength and hope to a situation (like my multiple sclerosis) that at times feels hopeless and unfair.
God is so great!
Truth I’ve learned in marriage (and life!): God will NEVER leave you, even when you don’t think he is anywhere in sight at the moment. He never lets go of us, through the calm and through the storm.
The fact that love is a choice is so key! Our society has screwed up so many people on this. True love is not what Hollywood tells us it is. God CHOOSE to love us by sending His Son to the Cross. Wow. I think I can choose to love my hubby on the tough days.
Early in my marriage I learned he’s not perfect, I’m not perfect either.kindness and forgiveness goes a long ways in strengthening the commitment and honoring the vow made to each other before God.
After 10 years of marriage, I have learned so much I wish I would’ve know from the start. The biggest lesson I learned in the 2nd year, marriage will only last if both are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
Marriage is hard and I want to read this book.
I struggle with the same things. I put up a wall and I won’t let my husband in and I don’t know how to break the wall down.
When expectations are unmet…That is what first got ahold of my attention. When dating my husband we went to church, talked about the Bible. With each year things have faded. I am holding on to God with all my strength, but feel as though I am not being met. I would love to read this book!
This article has been a blessing. It reminded me that loving my husband is a daily choice. To love him when things are going well, isn’t enough, but rather to love him at all times. The Word of God tells us what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked,does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [a]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of[b]prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.”
Thank you so very much for sharing Jen!! Great article!! Everything you said was right on point!! You are doing great things for the kingdom of God and making a Big difference in this world!! God Bless You and your beautiful family!!
Timeless truths with marriage…you can’t change each other, love each other where you are and learn to embrace the uniqueness of each other without a critical spirit.
There are so many timeless truths to marriage. Marriage is NOT a fairytale, it IS hard work and it is work that can’t be done by just one. There has to be THREE in the marriage. God first,husband and wife. The two have to put God first and work on the marriage. It is not easy for two people who are of opposite nature to live under one roof together without working together and having God first in their lives. I believe communication also plays a huge part of having a good marriage. You have to be willing to be open and honest about your feelings, all of the time. You can’t have one being open and sharing feelings and the other one comes home and says nothing the entire night and acts like it’s an annoyance to them to hear the other even speak. That’s hard. It’s hard to CHOOSE to love in a situation like that. It’s hard NOT to build a wall and try to protect yourself from hurt, but if you can just remember to just give it all to God, He will help you through it. YOU can’t change anyone, but God can and usually it may involve changing YOU before He changes the other person. I also believe that intimacy is another huge part of making a marriage work. I realize that there are some couples that have different medical issues that make intimacy difficult, but intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex. Intimacy is so much more. It’s holding hands, hugging, kissing, laying in each other’s arms. I am a firm believer that if you have a good intimate relationship, that it will flow into other parts of your marriage as well. Even if one or both spouses have medical issues that make sex impossible, you can still do things to be intimate. Make time for each other. Date nights. Love each other unconditionally. Make a decision every day when you wake up that you will choose love for your spouse today.
From my grandmother :’ sometimes I can put your grandfather behind the wallpaper ( dutch expression), but I married him for a good reason, so stick to that!’. On the 6th of June this year my grandparents will be married for 60 years, so I guess it is tried and tested truth about marriage.
One thing I’ve found extremely funny is how marriage defines us and makes us more like Christ. It forces two totally different people, and often too very similar in some areas, to come together and live under one roof. The timeless truth I have begun to notice is that even if we marry young, we have expectations set in place about how things are supposed to be done, especially as women. My husband is so sweet and often does things such as clean the house, pick up groceries, wash the dog, put dishes away, etc, and he does them to surprise me. At the beginning of our marriage I would get upset because the dishes weren’t placed in the correct spot or the clothes still sat in a pile after he washed them. But then I began to see his heart- he was doing it because he loved me. Not everything has to be perfect! I started to see his intentions behind the action he did, and I started to appreciate and love him all the more. So a timeless truth I have learned is that we need to see the perspective of the disagreement from the other person’s viewpoint before assuming something! So important and it will change how we see things. Take off your “pink” lady eyes and put on his “blue” man eyes to truly see his heart. ❤️
timeless truth: keep God as your #1, don’t look to your husband for things only God can do, because you will be disappointed in your husband everytime! But when you both have your focus on God, then your relationship as one works, because He is orchestrating it, not you!
Best but hardest line of the article – we must be willing talk about the heart issues that really matter offering ourselves to be fully known in order to be fully loved. I, myself, would add that it’s not just talking about heart matters but also allowing yourself to be silly, nerdy, smart and vulnerable in even the simple daily interactions with each other. Leaving yourself open to rejection and/or ridicule.
Loved reading this article. It spoke to my heart because I could relate to what was shared. I’m currently divorced but had I known then what I know now my life would have been different. The good news is that I can share God’s word, your message & encouragement with other women and help on them on their journey.:)
One timeless truth that I have learned in my thirteen years of marriage is that I should always ask God to allow me to look at my husband the way that He sees him! This helps me to be more compassionate when dealing with issues that face everyone’s marriage.
Another timeless truth that I have learned is that we are on the SAME team! We are both working towards a godly marriage. In a team, you look out for your teammates! We must look out for our spouses too!
After celebrating our 43rd yr. of marriage,my timeless truth could be many! 🙂 I think the thing that stands out in my mind is that marriage is a 100%- 100% commitment….no 50% – 50%. It takes work on both sides. Love goes through different degrees,so to speak,and there will come a time when it ‘weakens’ and you will question yourself about it. But,if we do not take every little thing to God about what troubles us in our marriages we will not make it very far. Satan wants us to fail and tries his best to see that we do. I find as we age into our ‘senior years’ issues arise in our marriages that we don’t even think about when young and just married and it is then that we are tested as to our true love. God MUST be in the midst of it all and I am thankful for the years he has given my husband and me,even through the hard times. We are never too old to learn about how we can do better in our marriages and all struggle at some point. I think this book would be interesting no matter how long one has been married.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have not had the wonderful opportunity to read your whole book but I am looking forward to it. From what I have read or heard from other women is something that I truly understand. There are parts of your story so similar to my own. My husband and I will be married 9 years this June.We have spent so much time apart due to deployments and it is always a challenge learning to live together again. We have also been through so many seasons in our life already. It has not always been easy and there have been times of wanting to walk away. I’m so grateful I stayed and that we made the conscience decision to work on our marriage. What a blessing you are to myself and other Christian wives. I pray God continues to bless your life and marriage. Thank you again so much for sharing.
It is important to realize marriage is two sinners coming together as one. It is easy to look at the other and see their faults. Being aware of our own faults helps us in extending grace as we know we want to be on the receiving end of grace.
We will be married 30 years this summer. God saved our marriage when we adopted our first child. God brought us through alot of trials. I am thankful that we trusted in him.
Thank you for creating this, what a great reminder about the true purpose of marriage.
I have been married for almost 9 years (in May), and been with my husband for an extra 5 years prior to our special day. We have evolved over time individually and as a couple. Surely, Christ has helped our marriage so much more especially within the last two years. We have learned to walk in love with each other every day. Waking up every day choosing to stay married. Choosing to work at it every moment of our lives. We were close to divorce, and thankfully, it never happened two years ago. Prayer is a huge concept of our marriage. We are constantly trying to grow every day in Christ. We are trying to be more respectful and loving with each other and for each other. We carve out time for each other daily and go on dates when we can. We are doing more things out of the box, to make more unique memories together. To keep the fire going in both our marriage and friendship.
Jennifer’s 3 Timeless Truth’s are correct. My personal favorite is Love is a choice. During my marriage, and most likely everyone else’s too, you “fall” in and out of romantic love several times, but love or to love someone is a choice-not a feeling. We can be so deceived by our hearts, but not the truth. To love my husband like Jesus loves me is the greatest gift I could give him.
Thanks Jen, I really appreciated everything you shared here and look forward to reading your book. Marriage is like a microscope, it magnifies our strengths and weaknesses. It can also become a beautiful garden through the seasons. A place where we are able to learn and grow if we trust God and allow Him to work in our weak areas.
I love your point on transparency. It’s so easy to lose that and get overwhelmed with shame or guilt and not talk to your spouse about your feelings.
This has been a very encouraging post.
I struggle with being transparent, and would sooner hide my struggles then share them with God or my husband.
I am looking forward to reading this book, and hope to find a lot of encouragement as I try to become the wife God has called me to be.
Just finding this site and it’s already been a huge blessing and encouragement. “You are responsible for you “is an important lesson I’ve learned. I cannot change my husband but I can change myself- my attitude, my responses, my decision to show love, etc. Many times just changing my response can have a positive affect on our relationship and even cause positive changes in my husband.
Love is a verb.
This march my husband & I will be celebrating our 10th year wedding anniversary! I have learnt that, is important to be your spouse best companion not just a partner, and most importantly our union is no longer what we want but what God want for us, we always pray for God to give us the grace and strenght to understand and do His will for us,God is the pillar of our marriage. Right now were going though distance relationship due his work I’m in Nigeria while his in Angola, I need all the positive and encouraging word to carry on in this face of our marriage!
Marriage is not about meeting a ‘prince charming’ and living happily ever after. It is hard work that which requires you to die to yourself daily in order to love another human being. It also requires you to bare all to Christ and cling onto him, as a relationship with him is an example of how you are to love your spouse.
One timeless truth that I have learned about marriage- as much in love as we may be, we are individual people and that requires some sacrafice and compromise, on both our parts.
I enjoyed reading your blog. Thanks for sharing.
We’re married for 17 years. One Timeless Truth I have learned is that when we both got saved we can now love & appreciate each other at another level, with the love of Christ. Your book The Unveiled Wife looks like an interesting book. I’d love to read it & learn more.
Thank You so much for taking the time write it.
I have learned that when satin uses circumstances to push you apart. He will make you think that giving up on your marriage is the only logical answer. You cannot go by emotions during those times. You often have to not put yourself first. I have found that in serving I end up being put first.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have been through divorce and my marriage was centered around everything else but God, our Savior. But yet He has been there for me every hard step of the way to get to where I am now. I have a closer relationship with our Savior now and I am very humbled by it.
1 Timeless Truth– I’ve learned through 11 years of marriage that whatever you focus on grows… focusing on the positive in your husband and marriage will help you to see more positive… On the flip side, if you focus on the negative in your husband and marriage then that is what you’ll see more of… It’s so very important to guard your thoughts.
This article was a blessing because it reminded me that putting my relationship with God first is not only what’s best for me but what’s best for my marriage.
Thanks Jennifer! I love all of your posts, prayers and books and as I was reading today I was reminded yet again that love isn’t just a feeling I should be having 24-7. It’s an intentional choice I need to make every single day. Your testimony makes me and so many other women feel no so alone. Thank you for all you do. You truly have saved our marriage.
My husband and I have been married 5.5 years. I was young and believed he was my prince charming. What the past 5 years have taught me is to give up any fantasies about him being perfect and just love him for who he is. Some days it helps to notice something positive that he did out of love for me and not expect him to be perfect. I still struggle with this everyday but love is a choice that I make everyday! Even though there are days when I feel like I just want to give up on my marriage, God is always there for me to remind me that I made this commitment for the rest of my life. Love is not an emotion. If it wouldn’t be for my faith in God, I doubt I would still be married. I LOVED this post. It speaks to my heart on a very deep level. I would love to win this book and believe it would help me very much!