How To Get Your Kids to Listen To You

Wednesdays in the Word

 

Ecclesiastes 9:17 “The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.”

 

Matthew Henry says “What is spoken wisely should be spoken calmly, and then it will be heard in quiet and calmly considered. But passion will lessen the force even of reason, instead of adding any force to it.”

Are you baffled at the fact that your children are not listening to you? Research has shown that when a parent raises their voice at a child – a defense mechanism kicks in that helps the child emotionally protect themselves by tuning out what you are actually saying. When we as moms go on a long rant about something the child has done wrong – we may feel better because we got our feelings out – but our child has not been brought any closer to wisdom and understanding.

Surprisingly, when we harshly tell our children we do not like something they are doing – all they hear is – “you don’t like me”- period. It’s the harshness that accompanies the correction that causes the child to take personal offense and not listen.

So here’s an application for us all. Practice using your “nice” voice when you say your child’s name. Sometimes our children’s names are turned into a snarl when they are making us angry or not coming when they are called. Rather than shout, scream, snarl and get unpleasant – commit to using your children’s names in a fond and pleasant manner. Using self-control with how you say their name, will help you break through the ice and begin a respectful dialogue where you can be heard.

You may just find that your pearls of wisdom are more easily accepted when you speak to your children in a gentle, quiet voice. God will be pleased and I can guarantee that you will feel better about yourself as a mom!

Walk with the King!

Why Me?

Wednesdays in the Word: Ecclesiastes 8

I hold my 6 week old baby in the rocking chair. He is restless and crying so I cuddle him in and begin to nurse. He drinks for a moment and then cries. What is wrong – why is he doing this? He latches on again for a couple minutes and then stops to cry…we do this for 45 minutes and now I am sweating, unsure of myself and uneasy with how nursing is going. We stop and I just rock him. He is peaceful. We rock. He sleeps.

I go to my computer and google “baby crying during nursing”. I call my sisters – we discuss it – but I still don’t find my answers. He awakes, we again nuzzle into our chair and I bring him to my breast. Again he cries and fusses. No one told me this would be so hard?

It’s Easter Sunday – I am so proud to bring my new baby out into public for the world to see – but I have a dark secret…our nursing sessions are stressful. I head up to my old bedroom in my parent’s house where I try to nurse him but he refuses to eat. Tears well up in my eyes – what is wrong with me – what is wrong with him – what do I do?

I sit with the lactation consultant at the hospital. She weighs him and then I nurse him for 45 minutes and then she weighs him again…I wait to hear how much milk he took in… he took in 1 ounce. “1 oz – 1 oz – 1 oz in 45 minutes!!! What have I done? My sweet baby boy is starving!” He is immediately given formula – I go home weeping. Weeping over my first failure as a mother.

Have you ever laid in bed awake at night and wondered – Why me? I don’t understand these circumstances God? Have you ever felt like a failure – like the rest of the world has it figured out and you are the only one who just can’t seem to pull it together? Your will and determination just simply aren’t enough? Your 2 year old won’t let you buckle them in the car, your 3 year old bites, your four year old hits, your 10 year old struggles with reading, your teenager is defiant, or your grown child is making poor decisions and you sit there helpless.

Ecclesiastes 8:14 says “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth; righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve.”

Have you ever seen a mom of little ones dying of cancer, a young child’s life snuffed out in a car accident, a noble man losing his job while a wicked man succeeds. Do you look around and ask what’s up with this lopsided world? It doesn’t make sense?

Solomon, the wisest man on earth admits in Ecclesiastes 8:16 and 17 there are some things we will never understand on this side of heaven. He says “When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth – his eyes not seeing sleep day or night – then I saw all that God has done. NO one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.
No amount of lost sleep can help us comprehend what God is doing. Though we can put entire libraries on a tiny micro-chip – our human minds will never be able to solve the mysteries of God’s works. So what do we do?

“Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7) I remember laying in my bed one night crying over my motherhood failures and saying over and over until I fell asleep – “he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you.” When Satan tempts you to believe otherwise – speak his truth until you find peace. Peace washed over my soul and on a tear drenched pillow I found rest. If you are asking God “Why me?” Stop asking and remember his truth – “He cares for you“- rest in this truth today.

Walk with the King!

A Good Reputation: Ecclesiastes 7

Wednesday in the Word:
Ecclesiastes 7:1 “A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.”

When you think of these names what do you think of?
Mary Mother of Jesus
Britney
Mother Theresa
Beth Moore
Hillary
Madonna
Angelina
I am sure that each name evoked an emotion within you based on their reputation. If your name was in that list would it be a “good name?”
Ecclesiastes says that “a good name is better than fine perfume”. When someone is wearing fine perfume and you sit down beside them – you say “wow, what are you wearing?” – you enjoy their aroma. In the same way, when you rub up against a person with a “good name” you say – “wow, I see God in you. I enjoy being in your presence.” You are drawn to that person.
Ecclesiastes 7:1 goes on to say that “the day of death is better than the day of birth.” In our worldly minds we would probably beg to differ – but think for a moment – those who attend a funeral are sober and thinking about the reality of the brevity of life – while those at a party can become foolish and do things they regret (and reap a “bad name”) because they were only living in the moment.
Having a reputation for godliness, wisdom and piety is FAR better than pursuing all the worldly pleasures we vainly pursue. We ought to pursue a “good name” because in the end – on the day of death – we will not be judged by man’s view of our name but God’s view. Is your name better than fine perfume?

Today, pursue Godliness…pursue God…be sober minded and consider what is your reputation and how can you shine like a light so others will see the love of God in you and praise his name?
I thought this song was appropriate for this verse. I have it downloaded on my ipod and play it as my cool down song after a long run. It’s sobering.

Walk with the King!

Are You Craving for Somthing More? Ecclesiastes 6

Wednesdays in the Word

An elderly woman lays in her bed wrinkled and weary from 83 years of labor, toil, joys and griefs. Her husband sits beside her holding her hand. The hospice nurse is close by and they are waiting…waiting for her to pass onto eternity’s shore. Moments pass…she takes her last breath…like a vapor here today and gone tomorrow, she is gone.
Have you ever thought at night as you lie in bed – this is all I take into eternity with me…one day I will pass and be left bare. I have. My husband and I have actually discussed it multiple times while laying in bed. Though we may be surrounded by a room of loved ones we each will make this journey alone, with no bags packed for our journey – nothing to offer God but what we have done for our Savior on this earth.

This earth is a crazy place. It’s so easy to be sucked into meaningless vain things.
Ecclesiastes 6:7-9 says “All man’s efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied. What advantage has a wise man over a fool? What does a poor man gain by knowing how to conduct himself before others? Better what the eye sees than the roving of the appetite. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
Whether you are the President of a huge company or a college student working part-time to eat at McDonald’s – we all work for one thing – food. It’s amazing how our appetite for food drives us. We can eat a massive breakfast and be stuffed to the gills and by lunch be hungry all over AGAIN! Our hunger drives us. Wealth is the same. It never satisfies – we always have a craving for more. No matter what material thing you choose to fill your void in your soul – it will be lacking.
It’s amazing how as a parent I can clearly see that a “Happy Meal” at McDonald’s makes my children happy for about 1 hour max! Then they completely forget about the toy and the next time we are at McDonald’s guess what they want AGAIN – a “Happy Meal” and I want them to feel happy so I buy it for them! Well, as adults our “happy meals” just get bigger and more expensive. We continue to need a fix…a nice dinner out, a new outfit, a new car, or a new house! What’s your fix – what makes you content for about 1 week and then you want more?
Ecclesiastes 5:19 says “Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions and ENABLES him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work – this is a GIFT of God.”
I know you have many gifts – this computer you read on is a gift. God says in the verse above that he wants to give us the ability to enjoy the gifts he has given us. But if we are always craving more – are we ever able to just enjoy what we have?
Pause and remember – we go into eternity with absolutely nothing packed in a suitcase – only the deeds we have done for the glory of God. Today – shut out the noise of this world – tune into the voice of God speaking softly in your ear…he says stop “chasing after the wind”. Be content with the good gifts he has blessed you with.
Walk with the King!

Pursue God Not Stuff – Ecclesiastes 5

So I was at Target last night. I didn’t go there to shop, but to find a table to sit at and do my Bible study. As I sat there studying the book of Ecclesiastes I found it ironic that I could hear the non-stop beep beep beep beep sound of things being rang up at the cash register!

The writer of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon, was known for his immense amount of wealth and his extravagant palace. In chapter one he sits back and evaluates all he has and says, “Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly Meaningless! Everything is Meaningless!”

Beep Beep Beep Beep – go the cash registers. In chapter 5 King Solomon continues, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless. As goods increase, so do those who consume them.”

I get up from my seat to get a refill on my drink – the lines have grown quite long – beep beep beep beep – the cash registers all play in unison.

“And what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them. The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep.”

I look out the window and watch as men, women, young and old walk out of the store with overflowing carts – beep beep beep beep – the people continue to flood in through the doors.

Who am I to judge I think? I can see one mother with a baby carrier and diapers. Those certainly are necessary. Who am I to judge? I see another family carrying a bag – the bag is clear and I can see the letters W – i – i . What a blessing – their family now has a Wii – I bet those children are going to have a ball when they get home!!!

Oh what a blessed nation we are!!! Or are we? Have we realized that this is all meaningless? Have we realized how much work we have made for ourselves trying to organize all of our STUFF! We buy bins, shelves, hooks, and baskets just to try to manage all of this stuff!

I sit back in my chair and just ponder for a minute – and the noise of the beep beep beep beep sound has grown terribly distracting and annoying! I cross reference over to Proverbs and read chapter 23:5. “Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky line an eagle.”

Are riches stable? I think about what is happening on Wall Street and Main Street and in our Capital right now. For many, their life savings or retirement just grew wings and flew away. So many have lost so much! All that hard work and labor – gone… meaningless. Beep Beep Beep Beep – the registers continue their song.

What do we do? The book of Ecclesiastes comes to a close with 3 conclusions. Chapter 12 tells us: 1.) “Fear God” 2.) “Keep God’s commandments” and 3) be prepared for judgement day because “God will bring every deed into judgment including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.”

I read a challenge on another blog that I want to bring to you – I challenge you to try to use every single thing you own in your house this month! What? Did you just say – “It’s not possible.” Me too. What are we teaching our children? Are we fearing God and keeping his commands in America? Are we ready for judgment day?

Beep beep beep beep – the registers continue to sing their chorus. I sense the Holy Spirit urging me – do not pursue stuff – pursue God.

Walk with the King,

This post is linked to InCourage.

Women Friendships – Ecclesiastes 4

Wednesdays in the Word

Women Friendships – they can be complicated at times can’t they? We all know how hard friendships are for little girls with the “mean girls”. Then there’s cliques in Jr. High and High School that can be terribly painful. Then we grow into big girls and hopefully by this point we have learned a few things about how to be a good friend and how to avoid the “porcupine” people – the people who seem to poke us all the time. We want to learn to NOT be the porcupine – and how to manage those porcupines in our life!!!
God created women with the need for relationship. Today we’ll identify what to look for IN a friend and what qualities you need to develop to BE a good friend.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reads “(9)Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; (10)If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (11) Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (12) Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
In verse 9 we see friendships are valuable – there is a “good return” – in other words – it is a good investment to build strong friendships.
Characteristics of a true friend:
1. According to verse 10 – In order to be a good friend – you must be someone who is there for the other person when they fall down. If you are not practicing this in your life – then most likely you will find yourself feeling alone when you fall down. As a result verse 10 says that you are to be pitied. “Pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.” In order to have friends who are there for you in crisis you must be a good friend to others through thick and thin times.

2. According to verse 11 – a true friend can keep you warm. This verse makes me think of my friendship with my husband because it talks about laying with each other. But figuratively – my girl friendships warm my heart regularly. Their presence in my life make the journey brighter. So many times they have filled me with courage, hope and wisdom for today’s trials.
Give of your own heart selflessly and if the recipient is wise and worthy – you will have won a friend. When you see a friend in crisis do not merely twitter, text or Facebook them – pick up the phone and pray with them, take them a meal, or take their children for the day. In these ways – you become Jesus in the flesh to them and you will warm up your friend’s life.

3. According to verse 12 – A true friend helps you to not be overpowered – and defends you. A true friend overlooks your flaws and will not gossip about you behind your back but will rather defend you. I have a couple friends who have gotten “hot” when I’ve been verbally attacked – in those moments I saw flashes of their loyalty that I did not know existed without the attack and I greatly appreciated their depth of faithfulness. For a moment they shared my feelings and though they never acted on their feelings (because they are Christ followers) their hotness simply warmed my heart.

4. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Simple equation: You + Christ + plus your friend = 3. When Christ is at the center of your friendship you will find a depth and love that far surpasses that of what the world offers. That is what is so precious about Christian fellowship. We are not to be lone ranger Christians – God wants us to go to church and fellowship – if you are not a part of a church body – you must go this Sunday and begin to connect – the body of believers needs you!
My conclusion is do not bring into your “close friendship circle” a porcupine. If you find yourself saying Ouch Ouch Ouch all the time that is a red flag. A porcupine is also someone who is not there for you when you are in crisis, gossips about you and does not have Christ as the center of her life – she should be kept at arms length. Yes, she can be A friend – but she should not be your “close” friend.
And as for us – do not become a porcupine by jaded friendships! We must strive to be a true friend – be Jesus in the flesh to our friends in times of crisis – keep them warm when they are faced with trials from this cold harsh world, be loyal, faithful, loving, encouraging and life giving to them! And always keep Christ the center of your friendships. They will know we are Christians by our love.
Walk with the King!

Dealing with Change – Ecclesiastes 3

Wednesdays in the Word

Change – do you like it? I suppose it matters if it’s a good change or a bad change? Is it a pay raise or a job loss? Is it a new born baby or the death of a loved one? Ecclesiastes 3 describes 28 different seasons of life and one thing is guaranteed – change is absolute!

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”
In John 14, when Jesus met with his disciples he told them that change was coming. He was going to depart but they were to have no fear because he was sending them the Holy Spirit. Despite the change – one thing would remain constant – His presence. He would be with them guiding them, counseling them, and teaching them through the Holy Spirit.
The Greek word for “Holy Spirit” is parakletos which means one who comes along side and helps and comforts. Jesus wanted his disciples to know that he was leaving but they were NOT alone! Women – we are NOT alone!!! When everything around us changes – when we move to a new town, we change jobs, we add more children to the fold or sickness is upon us – one thing is certain the presence of God is with us.
Are you practicing the presence of God in your life? Do you sense his presence – are you listening or are you hurrying through your day just surviving it. Are you missing the hand of God in your life…thinking that you are making up time when really you are losing it.

God uses change to shape us and to open our eyes to his presence. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

I struggle with what I am about to say – but I’m going to say it to you and in my own heart wrestle this out…embrace change. Know that God uses change for his glory. Change is what turned Mary the peasant girl into the mother of God almighty! Change is what turned David the shepherd boy into the King! And change is what turned me – a useless piece of clay into a blood bought child of of the King.

Slow down today – stop rushing through life and missing the presence of God.
Pause…now do you see Him?
Look…he’s been there.
See…he will always be there.

“Eyes that look are common – eyes that see are rare.”
Walk with the King!

The Meaning of Wealth, Wisdom and Work – Ecclesiastes 2

Wednesdays In the Word

Last week I began my study in the book of Ecclesiastes. If you have never read this short little book, I highly recommend that you read one chapter a day for the next 2 weeks and you will have it complete. It immediately follows the book of Proverbs.
In chapter 2 King Solomon continues his search for meaning. He says “I tried cheering myself with wine…I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees…I amassed silver and gold for myself, I acquired a harem…I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure…YET when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”
Have you ever noticed how brief life’s pleasures are. All summer long my children have been chasing butterfly’s with their butterfly net – usually without success. Finally one day my daughter got one – but when she stopped to look at it in the net – it escaped…she was so disappointed. Pleasure is the same way – we can’t box it up and keep it. When we have an enjoyable get together or weekend or vacation – shortly it comes to an end and you are back to reality. In America, we are pleasure seekers – we move from one pleasure to the next but apart from God these pleasures are simply meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Moving on in the chapter King Solomon seeks meaning in wisdom but comes to this conclusion in verse 16 “For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered; in days to come both will be forgotten. Like the fool, the wise man too must die!”

And then finally Solomon seeks meaning in his work and says in verse 18&19 “I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless.”
I remember when my Great Uncle died, a dumpster was placed in the driveway and for days family worked cleaning the house out. Some of his valuables were passed down to love ones while most of his worn out items went to the dumpster. All those years of hard labor went straight to the dumpster. And then his house was sold. This is a sobering reality of our stuff – we labor and toil so hard to get stuff but in the end it is just junk thrown into a dumpster – meaningless.
So now at this point in the chapter, I am thinking that Solomon needs a Zoloft to lift his spirits a bit right? I mean really – his perspective is so bleak that it depresses even me! But he does bring us to his conclusion in this chapter:
Verses 24 -26 concludes “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat and find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth… This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
When we view life’s pleasures, wealth, wisdom and work from the hand of God we find that they are gifts from God’s hand. I remember when a loved one lost his job this summer and then God blessed him just 2 weeks later with the perfect job – but an exhausting job, his wife said to her children “You see how tired daddy is – we must praise God for the work he has given him that tires him out.” When we see our work and even our trials as from the hand of God we find wisdom, knowledge and happiness.
Without God nothing else satisfies – all the work, wisdom and wealth in the world cannot add up to satisfaction. Like the butterflies that refuse to being taken captive by the net – life’s fleeting pleasures refuse to be caught unless we see everything as from hand of God and praise him for it. For a believer even our troubles, heartaches and struggles come from God’s hand and have meaning. There is hope, there is joy, there is peace in God. Today – take note of all the blessings that have come from the hand of God – in those you will find meaning.
Walk with the King!