The first disagreement of our marriage came right after we made our vows…literally. My husband and I had just lit our unity candle and all eyes were on us as the music played. We could see our bridesmaids and groomsmen giggling…and we looked to see what was so funny – and there was our unity candle – snuffed out.
- Right before the Unity Candle went out!
We have on video, me whispering – “should we relight it“? Then my husband saying “no“…then me looking at him very longlingly as to be saying “pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, can we relight it?” and his facial expression saying “sorry but nope!” lol! I followed his lead, which was to stand there holding hands and gazing into each others eyes smiling, while inside I wanted to go light that candle!
On our honeymoon in Hawaii, we would faced our 2nd disagreement over what television show to watch! I can’t remember what show he wanted but I wanted to watch Miss. America lol!!! I always watched it with my sisters growing up, so this seemed normal to invite him to watch it with me! He on the other hand, was quite appalled that I even cared – and went to sleep! That hurt my feelings!
- On our honeymoon in Hawaii
Looking back at the honeymoon scenario, I can see a lot of immaturity on my part. I dug my heels in over watching a silly show like Miss. America! I’d NEVER even invite him to watch a show like that (with girls in their swimsuits!) nowadays. My how times have changed!
I’d like to believe that I’ve matured…but it wasn’t long ago we had a heated moment over him not eating the eggs, toast and oranges I had made him for breakfast because he was late for an appointment! I was not a happy camper! And he ended up eating them lol! But then he was mad that I was mad…and well you know how it goes – all down hill from there!!!!
How MATURITY could have helped in these situations:
1. Unexpected things will come into your marriage that you have to deal with. No one could have predicted our unity candle would go out. When these unexpected scenarios arise, lovingly listen and respect your husband’s wisdom. It will save you a lot of heartache. I’m glad I didn’t bother trying to change his mind – he saved me from embarrassment!
2. Sometimes fights are our a result of our selfish expectations. I expected my husband to act like my sisters rather than like a guy! Maturity has helped me to realize I married a MAN and men are well…men!
3. Sometimes we fight because we don’t get what we want. James 4:1 says that fights often start because we want something and don’t get it! Like the breakfast scenario. I wanted my husband to eat and appreciate my food. At first glance, that doesn’t seem so awful of me. But due to my criticism - I got what I wanted – he ate it…and then he was LATE… 12 minutes late…to his grandmother’s funeral – oh ya!!! Don’t details change everything in a story!
4. That last detail in number 3 is so important. Often times we can think we are so right…but we all have blindspots…
Disagreements are inevitable in marriage. The key to overcoming the inevitable and maintaining emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy is to be mature enough to recognize the areas where we were at fault and apologize.
Maturity means we learn from past mistakes and do it differently this time. Have you lost your cool and rambled on in anger and said things you regret to your husband? Move on to maturity.
Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many , sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
Boy do I wish I could master this one little verse because I know it works wonders in my marriage when I hold my tongue!
I think of parenting and how I say to the kids – “whoever is more mature will be the first to apologize“. Isn’t that how God sees us, his children. It’s the more mature one who has the strength to apologize.
As the holidays are upon us, disagreements are bound to arise…this is a very stressful time of year. I want to encourage you to diffuse disagreements by being mature…hold your tongue, pray over your words, look to the interest of your husband, remember that you are extension of God’s hand to your husband when you bless him.
Walk with the King!
Courtney
)! If you have a husband willing to read a marriage book with you, this is the first one I’d hand him!!!
