Having Babies {in Opposite World}

having babies in opposite world 

I was scrolling through my facebook feed recently when a friend’s status hit me in the gut.  Melanie, a beautiful young wife, from my church (pictured above) wrote:

Aside from my close friends and family…

How is it that 9 out of 10 people who talk to me about my pregnancy have negative things to say?? The comments are endless and quite creative in their effort to convince me that I should not be as thrilled as I am. It is usually prefaced by “JUST WAIT……(insert: miserable experience/undesirable life change)” Although they have me well prepared for “impending doom,” for now I will continue to be convinced that this is the most beautiful experience of my life thus far!

And now I will bask in all the flip-flopping glory that is happening inside my tummy right now. You can kick this mama all night long sweet little one:)

Enter my GASP!   How is it that this young wife, who is pregnant for the first time, is encountering such negativity about her pregnancy?

And then I remembered back to my early 20’s and the prevailing culture that said – get your college degree before you have babies, travel a little before you have babies, your body is going to completely change after you have babies, have fun and live it up before you have babies, get yourself financially secure before you have babies.  Be a responsible adult and wait wait wait to have those children… 

And we did.

I was 27 when we had our first child and 29 when we had our second.  By my 30’s, I was experiencing medical trouble that put a stop on babies and I won’t go into it all here but I will say –I bought Opposite World’s mantra and I totally regret it. I wish I had started having babies much sooner.

My husband and I met in highschool and married straight out of college –we could have had children sooner.  But we had other goals and my biological clock seemed like it’d tick forever.  If I had known 29 was the cut off date for my body to handle babies safely…we would have started sooner.

But Opposite World.  It balks at couples marrying young and having babies young.  It says, “women had babies young in the old days – be a modern woman – go to college, have a career.”   

Opposite World says if you do have children, 1 or 2 is a nice number…and a family with  3 or 4 children is considered a large family.  And goodness, if you are pregnant with your fifth, you can expect the snide remarks like “you know what causes that, right?” or “Is this an oops?”  I mean why on earth would women want to have lots of babies?

But OH – this is not how God sees children. 

Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from Him. ~ Psalm 127:3

A reward? Then why are 9 out of 10 telling my friend of the impending doom she’s about face.     

Cause we live in Opposite World. 

Rachael Janokovic wrote a profound post over at Desiring God Ministries about motherhood – here’s an excerpt:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

 And it’s true.  We live in a selfish culture where having children is a huge inconvenience.  I mean – how am I supposed to fit in aerobics, spa days, girls shopping trips and “me time” when I have children that need me 24/7.  And we look at these women in movies, magazines and on television – they are unbelievably gorgeous at 43 and birthing their first. They look like they have it all.  They gave their “best years” — their young years, to their career…and we secretly wonder – maybe they do have it all. 

Well – Women Can Have It All {In Opposite World} is a blog post for another day.

But for now, let me conclude with these thoughts.

Children are a blessing from God.  They are gifts.  I know on hard days these gifts feel like gag gifts. lol! But when we thank God for our blessings and we love, nurture, train and bond with our blessings – our lives are fuller. 

Defy Opposite World. 

If you are a pregnant woman, boldly declare your excitement for your baby bump! 

When you are in the midst of bottles and binkies and spit up and tantrums and sleepless nights – do not let the enemy whisper in your ear – “this is too much.”  Lean on Jesus and thank God for giving you SO much!

When the world says, you are too young. Remember Mary was young.

When the world says, you are too old. Remember Sarah was old.

When the world says, you don’t know what you are doing. Remember Eve – who had no role models at all…she just walked with the King.

We must shut out the voices of Opposite World and listen to the maker of this world

He says –be fruitful and multiply.

He says — children are a reward.

I believe him.

Now go love on your little ones and do something completely counter cultural (but just like Jesus) –lay down your life for another.

Walk with the King,

 

**Chime In: Have you experienced negative remarks towards your pregnancies? How did you respond? How do you show your children that you believe God –you believe they are blessings?

 

1,020 Comments

  1. Totally, Courtney. I wrote a post about this same issue called “Faith For Family Planning” on my blog recently. I am so opposed to the cultural negativity of having children, and sadly, it’s in the Christian culture more often than I like to see too. Children are a gift!

    1. I love this post and these comments. I became sick while in college and came home for a year then when it was time to go back I started getting sick again (probably stress). In December 2010 right before I turned 23 I got engaged to a man I met in my home church. I got a lot of negative comments about needing to finish school and shouldn’t be in a hurry to marry, which didn’t make sense to me being raised in churches that taught the greatest thing a women can do is be a wife and mother. After hearing that your whole life why would you wait on a degree. Anyways we married a month later and 8 months later found out that we were expecting our 1st (my husbands 4th because he has 3 from his 1st marriage). We just celebrated our sons 1st birthday yesterday and when he was about 6 months old I thought I was pregnant again and I remember when I found out I wasn’t my mom saying “good you don’t need to be” and it broke my heart, we aren’t in the best financial position, but still every child is a gift and due health reasons we decided not to do bc again, but let God be in control. A month later we shared that we were expecting again. Our second (and fifth) baby is gonna be 16 months younger than our 1st, I have heard all the negative comments, but after reading some of these comments I feel encouraged and hope to remember some witty comeback. Yes we do want more kids I hope for a tad bigger gap next time but not too long cause I will be 26 and hubby will be 37 this year. Children are an heritage from The Lord.

      1. HA! I was told when I was young that I probably wouldn’t be able to sustain a pregnancy. My husband was 35 when we married and he’d given up. We conceived ON OUR HONEYMOON. Celebrated out first anniversary with a 3-month-old. That boy is now 19 and has 5 siblings. There are 22 months between each child (we didn’t try for that it just worked that way). We homeschool, so they were all with me all the time, and people would ask me, to my face, “Are they all yours?” and when I said yes, they’d blurt, “You’re crazy!” I can’t remember many positive comments from anyone at any time. One lady at our church who had suffered several miscarriages walked up to me and spat, “I hear you’re pregnant again Have one for me, will you?”
        We have the best times (we get class discounts just by ourselves) and I learned to respond to the ubiquitous “You sure have your hands full!” with “I can’t think of anything I’d rather have them full of.”

        1. I get the “You must have your hands full” a lot and I usually just say, I do and I love it… but I like that reply, might have to steal it! XO

          1. I get the “You have your hands full.” comment a lot, which I usually just respond with a simple, “Yes, I do.” I don’t find it an offensive comment so much as I find it obtuse:
            *Of course I have my hands full, I have 5 children walking around and #6 is due in 5 weeks, and I only have two hands.*

          2. Oh yes I get the “hands full” comment all the time. And I only have 4. My reply is usually, “oh yes, full of good things!”

          3. Whenever I get the “You have your hands full” I always reply the same… “Better than having them empty”

          4. This is a great article – children truly are a blessing from God; however, I wish I could experience that firsthand. My opposite world is “I thought by now you’d have children.” People assume that if you don’t have children it means you don’t want them, not that you have been suffering for years of infertility. My hands are empty, but by God’s grace I pray that one day they will be full.

          5. This comment is for Jenna. You are not alone. By the grace of God alone, I have one growing up in our home and three at home with the Lord. I pray that you are able to continue to look to the Author & Sustainer of life to be the sufficiency of your life. I admire, greatly, your willingness to share your story… thank you.

            Blessings to all the mommies out there. It is immaterial how you became a mom: birth, adoption, marriage, teaching, a neighbor’s kid who loves you. We have been gifted with a holy calling on our lives. Make it count. <3

        2. When I get the “you have your hands full” comment, I love to smile and say, “yes, it’s a good hands full”! 🙂 Wouldn’t have it any other way!

          1. Whenever I get the “you have your hands full” comment, I try to reply with something like “yep! full of bundles of joy and love!”

          2. I loved this! I have 5 kids, and I have heard all of the comments. The best was, “I got what I wanted the first time, so I didn’t need to keep having babies.” I replied, “I loved my first so much that I wanted more.”
            Jesus Christ spent his entire life serving others. So there’s nothing wrong with having children and spending time serving them.

          3. I have 4 children, 3 boys and a girl, ages 4,3,2 and 7 months. I get the “hands full” comment ALL the time! When I hear it I usually just say, “Better than empty ones.” and just smile. I am the second oldest of 15 children so I have heard just about every comment you can think of growing up. I thought I was immune to it, but it was totally different when the comments started being directed to me and not my mom. It has definetly given me a new HUGE respect for my mother and all she had to put up with from family, friends and fellow church members. I thank God for her kindness, love and patience that she modeled for me in the face of living the life of a family that is in ministry. (My father had a ministry to women that have been injured after having an abortion…not the most popular ministry. (c: ) I do not have the greatest support from my inlaws and do not live near my parents. Thank you for this post!! It is just so encouraging to hear others that feel the same about the beauty of children!

          4. Your positive response to “you have your hands full” is perfect. As a mother and grandmother I have often offered that comment but never meant it in a negative way – only as a way to connect from a place of experience and “knowing” the ups and downs that accompany the efforts of hands-on nurturing of little ones. I loved every moment of my motherhood years and relish even more the happy result of this investment – strong adult children raising adorable grandchildren.. So please don’t judge to harshly when someone remarks about the big job parents have …. not all comments like these are coming from a opposite world view…some of us are only wanting to offer love, encouragement and support from the same side of the world. The enormous responsibility of impacting our confused world with a generation that is clearly focused on who they are and why they are here is no small task – we have our hands full…it’s not a cake walk if we’re doing it right…of course the joys more than offset the challenges….but we need one another and even more the wisdom, favour, discernment and understanding that can only come from our Creator.

            Blessings to all you young mothers who are choosing to commit your lives to raising vibrant, engaged, respectful and God-fearing children.

          1. I had my friend make me a shirt that says, “If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.” I have 4 children, first 3 in 3 years and #4 came just 2 1/2 yrs later. We are now 2, 5,6,8. And it is getting a little easier. I’m very happy with my crew! When I was growing up I wanted 6, my husband only wanted 2, we compromised on 4. 🙂 They have been & continue to be a huge blessing to all of us! I did go to college & we didn’t get married til I was 24. My hubby told me for 5 years he wasn’t getting married or ever having kids. 🙂 So I waited to for God to change either his heart or mine. Thankfully, his was changed & both our lives changed for the better! Though, my in-laws & my fraternal grandparents have had several disparaging remarks whenever we added a new sweetheart to our family, they have all since come around & love our kids without criticism for which I am thankful! Thank you for being bold to voice a positive Godly perspective!!!

          2. “I’ve got something worth holding onto,” is another elevator statement you can use.

          3. I dont take the comment “you have your hands full” offensively, depending on how it is said. My mother used to always smile and say “I sure do, my heart just couldn’t hold all this love by itself.” I kinda took that but made it my own now I smile and say, “there is just to much love in my heart for me to keep it all contained to just one.” Usually makes people smile.

        3. I married my college sweet heart and the month after the honeymoon we found out we were pregnant! I was thrilled:) I felt honored that the Lord chose to give us such a blessing and responsibility. My mother was excited and overjoyed, my dad was disappointed. I was upset by my father’s reaction, but the worst response was the Pastor’s. He told my husband we were going to regret not waiting…I was hurt that a man of God would say such a thing. A lot of negativity followed our precious announcement, but I trust in the Lord and I believe His word and what he says about our Children. My son Ezekiel was born on the 17th and we will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary in July. What a blessed woman I am. I will have as many blessings as God sees fit to give us.

          1. And at this, I couldn’t help but to laugh and think: “That there Elizabeth needs t’be in a Church where they have an actual pastor.”, . . .

        4. Sometimes the comment, “you have your hands full” is meant as a compliment. I remember as a single person I could hardly get myself to work on time; now I’m responsible for a household. I think people with less demands on them realize what an amazing feat has been accomplished and simply remark at the shear magnitude of the responsibilities placed on mothers with large families.

          1. Sadly, most of my negative comments have come from other believers, and that would include older ones too 🙁 . I am so thankful to be part of an online world where I can rejoice with pregnant mums, and share in their excitement.
            I had negative comments with every one of my announcements – we were only able to have four, so it’s not like I was announcing my 13th baby … and even if I was???
            *sigh* … we wonder that abortions are so common, but the Lord’s people show no joy for babies.
            But let’s end on a happy note…. Congratulations to every one of you who are expecting another blessing! And, even though the young years can be a lot of hard work, make sure that you find JOY in every single day…
            I can vouch for the fact that the time FLIES by. I am now hanging on to every precious day with them – they range from 10 to 20 – and I want them still to be babies!!

          2. My husband and I got married at 25 after a very short dating and engagement–we knew this was the real deal and just wanted to start life together! 3 months later we were pregnant. I was disappointed (we had really wanted some time just to continue getting to know each other and enjoy each other before having children), scared to death, but also excited. It was a miserable pregnancy: months of constant nausea, vomiting and weight loss. Our first ultrasound at 8 weeks we saw our little girl doing flips in the womb. She won my heart. Our second ultrasound, we found out there were some issues and she may not live past a year. This broke my heart. At 6 months, I had severe toxemia and pre-eclampsia and was rushed to deliver. Over 7 months I lived in a hospital with our daughter 2 hours away from my newlywed husband. (But, oh the joys of watching her grow and develop on the outside. Her perfect, tiny little nails; seeing her eyes open for the first time at 2 weeks; holding her at 3; watching eyelashes grow; her tiny hand grasping my finger hours after birth.) Because of her special needs, we need nursing help at home most of the day everyday. I wonder, will I ever be alone with my husband again?
            Haha, I guess I understand a lot of things better after having a child. In response to earlier comments, waiting a while to have children so you can build your marriage isn’t a bad thing. Getting married in itself brings plenty of new things to adjust to and work through in building your relationship. A child brings many more. Yes, enjoy your freedom before you have kids. This isn’t a derogatory comment against having kids (at least not coming from me), just an encouragement from someone who has been there to enjoy every step of your life. It is true, for several years while you are a mother, you will have less freedom. It is only for a season and it is part of the self-sacrifice and living for others we are called to. Give being a wife and mother all you’ve got! There are so many rich blessings for years and generations when we do and so much heart ache and harm when we don’t.
            I often comment to moms that their hands are full. I say it because, well, they are. It’s an acknowledgement that being a mother is truly a full-time job. It’s exhausting, full of heart aches and struggles, pushes your patience to the line, but also many joys, laughs, memories–its a hand full…two hands full! We are raising the next generation, a generation of Godly young men and women who fear the Lord. That’s hard work! I can’t help picturing God raising us, his children. I am glad His hands are much bigger than mine. 🙂

          3. My 3rd baby was born 4 months before my first child turned 3. 3 babies in less than 3 years, and my hands are full! 🙂 And someone usually comments on that fact whenever we are out and about. But, just as others have said here, I take it as a compliment. And a reminder too, that I am a witness to Opposite World at what a “large” family is. For better or worse. And I hope it is for the better.

          4. Thank you for realizing that not all comments are negative. Many people are not looking to be hurtful and just don’t express themselves well. To those that do mean to be negative and or hurtful, I guess we can just show them that we are very happy with all our hands full of blessings. There are some days that 5 kids and counting are a little overwhelming and I love to get a sympathetic comment from another mom.

          5. I would agree that the majority of people who say “you must have your hands full” are not trying to be negative, especially if they are moms themselves or middle-aged to older women who have already raised children. In fact, they are probably trying to be empathetic, acknowledging the time, sacrifice and love it takes to be a parent. I have 3 daughters, two of whom got married young and had their first babies young. They felt put on the defensive quite a bit. Part of growing to maturity in Christ is to develop an unoffendable heart and to learn to have a sense of humor. Our response is our responsibility, and if we feel a need to talk about others or defend ourselves in a story that is negative about a fellow believer, I’m not sure we are glorifying the Lord or showing the world our love for each other, as Jesus commanded his disciples. We need to be dispensers of grace :).

        5. I have 5 children, the youngest being 26 years old. Even 25 years ago I got very negative feedback for having that many children. But I never felt insulted by someone remarking that I had my “hands full”. I took it as an acknowledgement that I was a busy mom. Sometimes I think we get offended too easily (like opposite world).

          1. I have four children. I agree, I have never felt insulted by the “hands full” comment. It has never even crossed my mind that people would be saying it to be negative until I read these posts today. I have even commented to other moms who have large families as having there “hands full”. Not saying it to them as a negative, but acknowledging that they were equally busy as myself. Lots of kids= hands full. People see you with your kids= stating the obvious. lol

          2. I remember our family being at a restaurant years ago. As we were walking out, my husband led with two of the kids, my oldest daughter (5yrs) followed, then I was last carrying the baby. This couple watched us walk by but didn’t say anything. My 5 year old looked at them and proudly announced, “We have our hands full!” We still laugh 13 years later. We have 8 children now…

        6. Kathy,

          I am so sorry to hear that the woman from church was so rude to you. There is absolutely no excuse for that.

          I do want to say though, as someone who cannot have children, that it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I cannot imagine a fate worse than infertility. I was raised to be a mother and finding out that I could not have children was a fate worse than death. I would NEVER speak to anyone the way that she spoke to you, but please understand the burden that she carries every day. I still cry when I see pregnant women and cannot attend baby showers. Please give her the gift of understanding even if she doesn’t deserve it. I imagine you already have, but I wanted to give you a little more insight into what she goes through every day.

          I would do anything to “have my hands full” — to receive the blessing of children. I am very sensitive on the subject, but it really hurts to hear that God says children are a reward as well. Does that mean that I am not worthy of reward from God?? I know that the author is just quoting The Bible, but it is a very hurtful thing to hear . . . I just want to remind everyone here of how lucky they are. There are thousands of people who would die to trade places with you. 🙁

          1. Lisa, I don’t know if anyone responded to your statement about children being a reward/heritage from God. The Bible says that “the rain falls on the just and unjust”. This is why people “worthy” of creating a nation (Abraham and Sarah) could not conceive until God specifically and miraculously intervened and why the impoverished, young, unwed mother has 6 children. Please realize that you are JUST as special to God as ANYONE else! 🙂

            Also, I know of at least a couple families who could not have children for years, and then almost immediately after adopting, conceived! Not saying it’s the cure. I just see God as knowing that they are the most perfect, compassionate, loving couple for one or more neglected, hurting child(ren). Once they filled their home with those blessings, God blessed the couple even more! 🙂

            God has a wonderful plan for you!

          2. Lisa,
            As an infertile woman myself (I get pregnant easily, but miscarry at the 4 -8 week mark), may I encourage you? Please read Psalm 113:9 and Isaiah 54:1. God knows what He is doing. He gave us four beautiful children, in His perfect timing — through adoption. They are now 12, 11, 10 and 8. We regularly get stared at (the kids are a different color) and many comments are made. We have chosen to homeschool, because we believe that God specifically chose us to be the parents of these specific children. No way would I give over their little minds over to someone else for hours and hours each day. James clearly states that pure, undefiled religion is to take care of the widows and orphans. Frankly, I don’t see much of that in our churches today. My husband and I had already planned to adopt even before discovering that we could never have biological children. It was extremely painful emotionally, but God has used this experience to increase my faith and give me wonderful opportunities to truly “be there” for others who are going through the same thing.

            Be encouraged. No matter which way God brings children into your home, it will be HIS doing. Be open to His working in your life. It is very often totally unexpected, yet wonderful!

          3. The Bible does say that “Children are a blessing and the fruit of the womb is His reward” HOWEVER it doesn’t say fruit of YOUR womb. Adopting a child is just as much of a blessing to you from God as giving birth to a child. I’m not trying to diminish your feelings at all because I know how I would feel in your shoes and I know how devastating it would be. I just wanted to encourage you to consider adoption. Just as you long for a child to call your own, there are literally millions of children out there longing for a Mom to call theirs.

          4. . . . . thousands an’thousands because, . . . G0D is good, . . .

          5. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to totally change the topic of conversation. I just wanted to remind everyone of how lucky they are. Thank you to everyone who offered words of encouragement. Sometimes I feel so alone . . . I have known lots of people who have had fertility problems; however every single one of them has conceived.

            I too have suffered multiple miscarriages — 3 to be exact. My husband and I eventually did adopt and now we have been blessed with a wonderful boy (he is 10 now). I feel as if he was meant to be part of our family (he even looks like us – not that it matters, it’s just a neat coincidence) and I feel blessed to be his mother.

            As much as I love being his mother (I wouldn’t trade him if God Himself offered to give me 10 biological children in exchange for him), adoption has not filled the ache in my heart that I feel when I see a pregnant woman or a baby. I envy the women who are able to bear children . . . the women that are able to have a baby with the man that they love . . .

            My son has serious emotional problems and has been diagnosed as bi-polar. He does not seem to have the ability to receive love or to show love either. My husband and I have since divorced (the stress of it all was just too much) and now I worry that I will never find a man who will accept a woman who cannot bear children. I feel totally unfeminine . . . damaged . . . worthless . . . My body cannot do the one thing that a woman’s body is supposed to be able to do.

            In my last post I said that finding out I could not have children was a fate worse than death and I truly feel that way. I recently was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and I can tell you that I would gladly choose being sick over infertility. For me, I cannot imagine anything worse than not being able to bear children.

            Again, thank you for all the words of encouragement, it means a lot to know that I’m not alone. Sorry to bring everyone down, I know that is not the point of this message board. Please forgive me.

          6. PhillipGaley – Can I ask you what you meant? I didn’t understand your comment.

          7. Lisa,

            I am so very sorry to hear how your life has gone.

            I want to share my story, in case it helps you, or another reader, knowing my perspective.

            I am speaking as one who has daily chronic pain, which started while I was in high school. For the past 12 years I have been in physical pain for all of every day. It has gotten to the point where I can only work at a paid job for 10 hours a week, and even so, I often have to go home early because I am not strong enough to finish my hours.

            I have not yet started trying to have children, because I do not know if my health will continue getting worse, or if we will one day find its cause, and perhaps a cure. I am about to turn 29 and am surrounded by women who are either having lots of children or agonizing over their infertility and miscarriages. I am not yet brave enough to even find out if I can conceive because I almost dropped a curling iron on my lap when my legs briefly stopped working and I fell, yet again. Until we find out what is wrong, I do not want to put a baby at such risk. But I hope to have children one day, if I reach the point where I feel confident that I will be strong enough to take care of them.

            This has not bothered me much, although I am growing in my desire to have children soon. However, it has been very difficult for my husband, who has, from the beginning, longed for us to have children. So I do not think the biggest issue in determining deepest pain is “children or no children”, but rather whether or not God has granted ones deepest desires — what that person most yearns for.

            What is devastating for me is not being able to work, at a job or taking care of my husband or taking care of children. You mentioned that in your family, the highest calling and purpose of life was seen as raising children. Well, in mine, the highest value and calling is to accomplish “great things”. Some of my ancestors translated the bible into a new language, so hundreds of people could hear about God for the first time and be saved. These same people had many kids of their own. Another relative had an article published in a famous magazine, which changed (in a positive way) the fate of an entire region of a third world country, as she brought attention to an injustice and helped it to end. They tried many things, and sometimes it seems as if they accomplished everything they ever tried (although I know this is not literally the case). The spoken message in my family was to “serve God in any way He asks us to, no matter how hard it may be.” But the message that was conveyed stronger was this: “Serve God in extravagant ways. In adventurous ways. In ways that make other people around you stand back and say, “Wow. I don’t know if I could ever do that.” ” For me, it is devastating to not be able to follow in their foot steps, as I had always planned. To not be able to marry, raise kids, and save several hundred people from a terrible fate; all without being late at serving an elaborate home-made dinner; just like each of those who went before me. Over time they have accepted my health problems and have come to accept me also, but it has been very clear that my fate is a disappointment to my family. Even if they did not accidentally say so once or twice, I would still feel it strongly in myself. The contrast between what I am capable of doing with my life, and what was so clearly expected of me, is far too great.

            I was doing pretty great at following that other path, until I no longer was able to. It sounds like the same was true for you… that you were doing an excellent job of following the prescribed path for as long as you had it within your control to do so.

            But what I am learning is this: The message that my family spoke out loud was more correct than the one they lived out. We must choose to live for God, in ANY circumstance that He asks us to. In any situation He puts us in… even if it means the one that is the least impressive. Or least like what we thought was best. In my case, that means turning to Him each time I am discouraged by my lack of ability to prove my worth in all the ways I held most dear. It is not something I have perfected (which is also such a struggle for me… I so much long to be perfect at no longer feeling a need to be a perfectionist!). But it is something which God is teaching me is so important.

            It comes down to this. I have to love God more than I love the way that I always believed I was “supposed” to serve Him.

            For me, that means turning toward Him whenever I feel discouraged or sad or even angry that I have to file paperwork as my paid job, despite graduating from college with a 3.913 (out of 4) Grade point average. It means that I still cry out to God to “Please, heal me!”, but over the years this has become asking for Him to do whatever work He desires in me — in my heart or spirit or my body, whatever He sees most fit to heal. It means trying not to be bitter about not having the life I always wanted, and when I find myself bitter anyway, eventually turning back towards God. It means watching my husband suffer. Sometimes, when my health is at its worst, he has to dress me or take care of me as if I was a child in some other way. It is so heartbreaking to watch him do the work of caring for a child, without the joy of actually having the child he’s always wanted. But God is working in each of our hearts still.

            I still dearly hope that I will be physically well, and also able to raise children with my husband, one day. The part of this article that stung for me was reading about how “by not having a child in my early to mid 20s,” I was selfishly keeping “my best years” to myself. If these are my best years, I really do have a reason to go cry. And I have not yet learned how to feel truly satisfied with God alone. (It would be a great blessing to master that one day, instead of just feeling utterly lonely at those times.) My heart still aches for all of the people I would have helped if I had been able to, but I know that God is able to help them without me being involved. And I still will not be one to accept or pass on to others the accusation that “It took all of this torture for God to get my attention,” which infers that I am far more stubborn, or blind, than I know I am.

            But God has used this time of suffering to draw me closer to Him. I have learned so much during this time of inability to prove my worth. And whether I learn one day that the pain only existed for the life lesson, or was caused by some disease yet to be discovered that would have happened no matter what… it is worth it to have learned and grown in these ways. (Only, can it please stop, now that I’ve learned these things?!!?)

            I guess what I am trying to say in all of this, is this: I really hope you are able to have children of your own one day; or else able to adopt more children, including some who are healthier. I definitely absolutely hope you find the love that you long for. But so long as you and I are both suffering anyway, not knowing if or when it will end… please also turn to God. I don’t mean that as an accusation that you are far from Him. Only as an encouragement that, however close to Him you are right now, keep on leaning in closer and closer.

            Despite (and in part because of) everything I was ever taught, I believe this is the highest and best calling that we can have in this world. Leaning in close to God; learning to recognize and be grateful for the love He has for us; seeking to love, obey, and honor Him in whatever our circumstances may be (no matter how honor-less they are); and encouraging others to do the same. And that is something poor health, and even infertility, cannot take away from you or me.

          8. Apologies to everyone that I am also terrible at summarizing whatever I am trying to say.

            And Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story. Your perspective is also very important. I don’t want YOUR VALUE to be lost in my very long reply.

          9. I don’t know if this fits in with the beliefs of all or any of the women on this site, but I believe that marriage is forever, motherhood is forever, and that means eternal increase. Meaning, you may not experience having your own children in this life, but you surely will in the next. For whatever reason, God has seen fit to try your patience and give you a heartbreaking challenge. While it might feel like a forever long wait, while you may have lost your children before you could raise them, those little ones are waiting for you on the other side.
            You will get to be a mother, but it might not be in the time that you want, it will be in the Lord’s time.

        7. I agree with Lisa… don’t be too hard on the woman at your church, for instance by telling us what she “spat” at you. She is coming from a place of terrible pain. Jesus calls on us to show compassion. I had 5 m/cs after my 3 kids and eventually a placenta accreta took my uterus. It is still (7 years later) very difficult to face and be friendly to women who can easily bear lots of kids. One thing that is often missing in conversations with women who have large families is humility.

          1. Adopt and you will conceive a “child of your own” is quite possibly the most hurtful comment one can make to a couple considering adoption. We did not adopt our daughter in order to get pregnant. The odds of a couple conceiving after adopting are remarkably small. Adoption is really no more loving than any other way to form a family. It just happens to be the way God chose to form our family!

          2. Carol – I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. I feel your pain; I still have trouble going to church. Seeing all the little kids running around hurts my heart, and if I hear one more person tell me that I should “get over it” or ask me “aren’t you over that yet” or “didn’t your adoption take away your pain”, I’m going to scream. People think that because we adopted our son that I shouldn’t still be in pain, but I still grieve for each of the babies that I lost — they were my babies! Just because I wasn’t able to give birth to them doesn’t mean that they were any less real. I still grieve for the babies that I will never conceive.

            If you ever need someone to talk to, please respond to this message and I will give you my personal email address or phone number. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who understands.

          3. agreed… i have jokingly said that to very fertile friends myself… having fertility issues… i’m sure that she meant it as a compliment that your children are lovely and she would love to have one just like them!

          4. Speaking as a women struggling with infertility i can’t stand it when people count children as anything but a blessing

        8. Debbe,
          I can not speak for that woman in your church who “spat” at you. You must understand that the pain she feels , not being able to have children FAR out weighs your pain at a few negatively perceived comments about motherhood. I can say that without malice because as a now adoptive Mom you would not believe all the negativity that comes my way. As a woman who has struggles with infertility I can tell you that the pain of infertility runs so deep and so hard that you can not sometimes control it. It feels at times like the whole world is out to get you and that God does not find you worthy. In your heart you know that the world is not out to get you and that God is not punishing you but sometimes you can not keep those thoughts from creeping up. And one of those times in inevitably when someone you know is pregnant for the 5th time. Please do not take this comment to mean anything but that you are lucky, and to be honest, she may be unrealistically hoping you will turn and say, “okay, I would love to have a baby for you. Trust me when you struggle with infertility.. you so have silly thoughts like that. I used to think things like ” what is I found a baby on the doorstep” or “maybe that pregnant teen will randomly come up and ask me to adopt her baby.” or “twins, maybe she cant handle 2 at a time and will ask me to take one.” Trust me when I say I know how ridiculous these thoughts are and you know it at the time. But the desperation of infertility makes your mind think silly things. To hope when there is no hope. I understand what the article is saying and agree about the world not seeing children for the blessing that they are. But to that woman in your church, that is not where she was coming from. To her the complaints about these little comments would sound like the spoiled little rich girl who has everything, complaining about someone saying her car is the wrong colour. Her comment really is not relevant to this whole discussion at all as it really has nothing to do with a negative attitude about children, but quite the opposite.

          1. The analogy to a spoiled little rich girl is unfair. There are lots of deeply, personal painful things many go through. Taking them out on someone who is blessed is not okay, no matter what the pain.

            My sister-in-law was only able to have three children, though she wanted more. When I called to tell her that our fifth would be a girl (our oldest was a girl and we really wanted a sister for her), she was very cold and upset for a long time. It damaged our relationship because she was blaming me for a blessing I had received. We haven’t been able to get things back to the way they were, although I’ve tried. She hasn’t recognized the blessings she has, or could have. She could adopt, or foster children. They are wealthy enough that an international adoption is within their reach.

            The point is, we are all blessed in different ways. She and my brother are better off financially than we are. Should I complain about all the material blessings they have? Should I be jealous? I could be, but that only hurts me and my relationship with her. Just because I’m frustrated with my own circumstances doesn’t excuse me to be hurtful to someone else.

          2. So, so true! Most people cannot begin to fathom the pain of infertility. Improper behavior is wrong, but it can be so hard to get beyond the hurt that infertility brings. Jennie T., I urge you to cut your sister-in-law a little bit of slack. Have you grieved with her over her inability to give birth to another baby? Have you acknowledged her pain? Most people have no desire to weep with the brokenhearted, yet they take offense at our inability to be completely overjoyed and jumping up and down with excitement for their blessings. Please give your sister-in-law a little time and space.

            As far as adoption, it is unfair to decide for someone else that they should adopt. Who knows if God will lay this on her heart at some point in time, but adoption is not just what you do if you can’t conceive and you happen to have the money for it.

            It sometimes seems after reading these comments that no comment that is made to someone announcing a pregnancy is the acceptable one. That’s why I now just say, “congratulations. I’m sure you’re very happy.”

          3. JennieT – I have to say that I think your comparison of infertility to financial security is unfair also. I would rather live in a one bedroom apartment for the rest of my life with children running around than live without children in a mansion with the fanciest cars, boats and millions of dollars. I bet your sister-in-law would trade situations with you in a nano-second.

            Family is the most important thing in this life and infertility is devastating. I am sorry that your sister-in-law struggled with your pregnancy and that it damaged your relationship. I’m sure that is very hard for you and it is probably hard for you to understand also. Unless you have been through infertility you cannot imagine how totally devastating it is. If you could walk a day in her shoes I’m sure you would have more empathy for her.

            I COMPLETELY agree that infertility does not excuse you acting inappropriately to someone else and I personally try to never take out my feelings on anyone else — I would never dream of speaking the way that the “church lady” spoke to Kathy, especially to an acquaintance. I do have to admit though that I have slipped up and caused a fight with my sister; I let my feelings get the best of me (and she was insensitive to my situation as well).

            I really take exception to the comparison of infertility to financial security. I don’t think that the two blessings are even in the same ballpark. That’s why fertility clinics and adoption agencies can charge so much money; because people will pay any amount of money necessary to build their family.

        9. Can’t possibly imagine the pain that must come from having several miscarriages. I don’t think I could blame her for what she said, it would just make me cry for her. I hope that your church was able to offer her love and support.

        10. Debbe thank you for that! I’m going to reply with that very statement from now on! I have seven children and I get asked all of the time ! Sometimes when the older four are in school and I just have the youngest three people say ” wow you have your hands full” and I just smile and laugh! Because little do they know its less than half so it’s quite easy! I DO have my hands full but I truly love it! People call me crazy- but I wouldn’t want it any other way!

        11. When I make the comment “you must have your hands full” I am always expressing how amazed and impressed I am with the other mom. I only have two. One at 29and the other at 36. I waited to be stable, and had horrible fertility problems. I am so grateful for my kids, they are both miracles. Being a little older I have less energy so that it is why I’m amazed with big families. I hope my girls have lots of grandchildren for me, I can’t wait.

        12. I’m glad to see women with infertility coming out of the woodwork and to realize I’m not alone in these feelings.

          I’m sorry that the woman spoke to you like that, Debbe, but I honestly can say I would have thought it, though not said it to someone’s face. I have never felt so rocked to my core and shaken from my self-confidence as I have since beginning this battle with infertility. It makes you question your worth, your body’s basic ability to function, to do and live as you feel called to as a woman. I have never struggled with jealousy so much, struggled to be happy for my even best friends and other women that faced infertility–but it’s really hard for me. I want so, so badly to be happy for them. I try so hard to take down that wall of resentment, jealousy and heartbreak, and try to find joy in their happiness. Now that some of these friends are running laps around me onto their second child, while we still try for any child… it’s harder.

          I can put a smile on my face and ask the appropriate questions about how happy they are and how being pregnant is soooo tough (try really hard not to temporarily hate them when they complain about pregnancy or about how kid #2 is unexpected and they’re not happy she’s pregnant–oh this one had me going)… all the while breaking on inside–not for their victory, but for my continued failure, for my loss, and struggle to maintain hope that this might happen when each proves the opposite for me.

          Infertility makes you want to wallow in self-pity. In jealousy. In hate… for yourself, for others. Infertility has brought out some of the ugliest parts of myself and forced me to take a good look in the mirror at who I can let myself be…. or who I can work to become. The better side of me that occasionally succeeds in being really happy for someone one day, even though it will continue to be a struggle the next day.

          It is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced and even the encouraging comments seem to hurt… because it feels like friends and family just wants to put a bandaid over my problem and pretend it’s all good. My pain feels so incredible raw, yet unseen.

          Some Comments to think twice about:
          “You could always adopt.”
          “It will happen in God’s time.”
          “It’s just not God’s time for you.”
          “Maybe it’s not God’s will for you to have a child now.”
          “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.”
          “He just had to look at me and I get pregnant.”
          “Oh getting pregnant is so easy! It’ll happen in no time at all.” (….Thanks, but we’re 3 years into this process of trying to conceive.)
          “We got pregnant by accident! …. again”

          Honestly… I don’t want to hear how easy it is for someone to get pregnant. I AM SICK of people telling me it’s not God’s timing or plan for me to be pregnant right now. Even if God has another plan for me, I’d rather just hear:

          “I’m sorry it’s been so hard for you.”
          “Infertility sucks.”
          “I’m praying that God guides you through this.”
          “I wish you didn’t have to go through this.”
          “Thank you for supporting me through my pregnancy, even though you’re dealing with so much.”

          I would love to have too many kids by now. With each day, it feels like I’m running out of time.

          And for those that say I can always adopt:
          I know. We want to someday. It’s expensive. It is not a fix all and has it’s own set of challenges.

          1. PS–The times that I’ve said, “Wow, you have your hands full!” to a mom–it’s always been because I’m impressed by them and admire all the hard work it must be! My mom had three of us under the age of 6 and even put us on leashes so we wouldn’t wander too far in a store… I know we were a handful as kids, so I’m always impressed by moms who take on this challenge. 🙂

          2. Thank you also for sharing your struggle. The more people who talk about what they are going through, the more I am able to understand.

          3. This breaks my heart! So sorry for your struggles. My best friend is having fertility issues, and I really appreciate your feedback on what to say to her.

            I, myself, married young. Had miscarriages, but healthy pregnancies too. During my 4th pregnancy my husband left and divorced me. You can imagine the comments I got. I never felt like I could relate to friends who had miscarriages, or worse lost young babies, because I had 4 healthy babies. And while grieving the ugly death of my marriage, I welcomed the life of a beautiful baby. I got no sympathy, no joy. I got stopped at target instead, to be informed that I was selfish and doing the world a disservice. Thankfully I found a church that lifted me up and helped me get back on my feet. But there were many times I asked God why. Why my best friend and her amazing husband aren’t blessed. Why I was blessed with something that feels so much like a burden. It’s hard. It’s hard every day. We had to move, our new church is great. But no one talks to me. I’m the one who screwed it up, the one who will never have what every happy family there has. And I guess ignoring is their way of reminding me. As if I don’t know.

            I’m so sorry. I love my children so much. I have and will always do anything for them. I thank God for them daily. But sometimes I read posts like yours and ask God – WHY? It makes no sense. I should have none and you should have many. I’d give anything for my kids to not grow up in a broken home. BUT we live in a very broken world. Hang in there.

        13. that is so great i have 5 kids of my own i love them all i wish i could homeschool cant afford it tho

        14. I am sorry to hear about that woman who kept having miscarriages. I walked in her shoes. I had one child and then suffered a miscarriage. I divorced and remarried. My husband and I tried for several years and could not have a baby. One night during church a woman named Jessie Overstreet, came up to me, wrapped her arms around me and said,”The Lord wanted me to tell you that you will have a little boy.” I was in heaven. I was going to have a baby boy!

          7 years later still no baby. Still I didn’t give up. My husband and I adopted a little boy who was 17 months old when we got him, and when we were standing there dedicating him to the Lord, God reminded me of what He said….I would have a LITTLE BOY! I have 5 children now and all but the eldest one are adopted. God knows who each child belongs to.

      2. The part I love most about your post as I’m reading this is the ladies who are commenting with step kids. I have 2 step children and so far none of my own. I constantly get comments about my age and having two kids. That is always quickly followed by even more negativity when my kids blurt out I’m step mommy. Being a step mom is way more then I thought I signed on for. It means being there for your children in all the hard moments and standing back when all the good ones show up. It involves time, energy, blood, sweat and tears. When I married their father it broke my heart when they asked to call me mom..it felt so good. My kids sat down and asked me one day about all the negative comments, and to all the step moms I wish to share my answer. “When mom gives you a time out, you know she still loves you right”. “Yes mom” my kids said. “Then what do I do?” I question. “You come back to us and read the bible and after were talked and apologize we go play”. I finished “I believe God told daddy how much he loved him and allowed him a second chance too”. I will never regret my choice to be a step mom and I am so proud of my husband for coming to the Lord and taking that second chance! I love my babies and I love being a mom, dispite my age and choice in husband.

      3. I love this post! My husband and I found out were expecting our first when we were twenty-one and broke. Our friends and family were supportive, but worried for us. Four months after she was born we found out about our second. Our family and friends made comments hinting that we should consider abortion. It broke my heart and we did our best to ignore them and hold on to our own excitement. She was born exactly 13 months after our first. It seemed like every congratulations we received was coupled with a comment on how hard it was going to be for us to care for them both. I got so tired of hearing it, I stopped going out any where. Through it all God was there. He provided and comforted and we raised two happy and amazing young girls. We are now the parents of four girls and yes we want more. The comments haven’t stopped, but my responses to them have gotten better. When people ask, “don’t you know what causes those?” I smile and say “yes and I seem to be quite good at it.” They are each a blessing and I can’t imagine my life without any one of them.

      4. I was faced with the same comments many years ago…I had 4 beautiful girls in 5 1/2 years, and was told I was crazy! After 6 years, we had a son, 3 years later, another son, I have to say, I was very crazy busy…in a good way ! But now, I can’t even imagine my life without each of them. They truly are gifts from God, and I’m grateful He trusted me enough to let me raise them. It may be hard…but just listen to your heart ♥

      5. I have two children 14 months apart. For a time, it was very difficult (first three months), then it worked out perfectly. They are a girl and a boy (my number 2 and 3 children), and turned out to be the best of friends. Now they are 20 and 19 and are the only two of my nine (yes, nine!) children who never argue with each other. I think it’s just as easy to change two kids in diapers as it is to change one. You’ll become so adaptable you’ll amaze yourself!

      6. I come from a family of 9 and my friends, and people I’d just met, were always shocked that my mom would do that to herself. They were always like are there any twins in there? Nope! There’s a 14 year age gap between me (the youngest) and the oldest (my sister). I only have 1 so far, but the average in my family is 5 kids. So we’ll see. Our children are gifts from God. The greatest of all gifts. Some women have dreams of having a career and having a life before they have kids, but some women dream of becoming mother’s and having a life with their kids. That’s the best job in the world. The wonderful moments heavily outweigh the stressful ones in my personal opinion.

    2. Amber, amazing how the Holy Spirit is moving in the same wave over so many at the same time huh?
      Courtney, my sister in Christ and all of you women of courage, praise God that you stand up in righteousness and shed light to the Truth of Gods gift of children! My journey in the last couple of weeks has been quite transforming. There is so much ‘fear’ in people and it is instilled in so many of us through negativity towards pregnancy and motherhood. God’s word says, Perfect Love casts out fear. His perfect Love in us will do that when we fully trust Him and believe in Faith that His promises are true! So as for me, I am being told like Joshua was told, have courage. That, I am gaining, by His grace. I have a beautiful 5 yr old daughter, 2 babes in heaven, 2.5 yr old son, 1 baby boy in heaven, and now this year after complete devastation and trauma I am so honored and overwhelmed with joy to say, I am 23.5 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I haven’t received any negative comments as of yet, and maybe that’s because I’ve been so vocal on how I feel about having children and wanting more. A dear, near and close family member kept telling my husband and I that we didn’t need anymore, and at the time I was pregnant with our son whom I lost last summer. This person found out the day of our loss and wept. Since that time has not mentioned anything like they did before. Sometimes a loss of life can really open our eyes to know how precious life really is. When those negative words come though, I know I can smile, stand firm and say with confidence, Gods gift to me, I am blessed! I’ve been reading Childbirth Without Fear, and can I just say WOW! I’ve been asking God to open my eyes to know why giving birth is so scary for so many and a ‘medical emergency’. He’s been opening my eyes and fear is a big factor… The opposite of fear is FAITH and LOVE. Thanks Courtney for the post and the Wild Child post too. That I sent to cousin who needed your encouragement.

    3. I tell my children regularly they are three of the most precious blessings the Lord has given me. I too was shocked with my first pregnancy and the horror stories that accompanied it (my labors were quick and easy:) . negativity doesn’t stop at pregnancy – how many times do parents joke about tearing their hair our and having the kids home with them over the holidays? I always let people know I love having my kids with me, whether my children are around to hear it or not. This type of negativity is cultural (I have live in 4 countries on 3 continents) -many cultures celebrate children. be counter cultural – start the change by letting people know how blessed you are! You’ll be surprised by their reaction when you tell them all children are a gift of God!

      1. Lorna, I appreciate everything that you shared 🙂 Courtney, what a beautiful message for young mommas!! Thank you so much!!!
        My husband and I were blessed with 9 wonderful children and so far, 5 grandchildren. We are so thankful to the Lord for His blessings! With so many negative comments, we made it our goal for our children to ALWAYS hear how amazing they were to us! You are so right, we wanted THEM to hear how BLESSED we are and how we never could have done all that we did in life if the Lord had not blessed us with each and every one of them. When we heard things like, “Are they ALL yours??!!!” We would put on a proud smile and say “Yes!!” and giggle at their reaction. Then we would hear something like, “Wow! Better you and not me!” We would reply, “Oh, I am so thankful God gave them to us and not you!!” and gently giggle a little more, and say, “I couldn’t get along without all the older children and I would miss all of them SO much!” They would almost always go into some sort of story about how great big families are or how well behaved our kids are or how big of a help that they can tell our kids are. It always turned out to be positive. Well, almost always 🙂 When we would move into a new area (we moved a lot since my husband was in the military) people would usually not know what to think of us at first, but after a few weeks in a new congregation or neighborhood, people would grow to appreciate our children and not be afraid of us anymore. Of course, most large families will not be large, as in 9 children large, 🙂 but even a family of 4 or 6 children can be encouraged that people will grow to appreciate you and your family as they grow if you remain positive and raise sweet, loving, obedient children who are taught to honor the Lord.

    4. I am so blessed by this blog!! I am expecting my third child in about two weeks. My other children are 3 and 1. I work full-time at night as a nurse on the weekends and I care for my children during the week. It has been a tough pregnancy because of all of the negative feedback that I have been receiving while at work. It is hard to work at night as a nurse while pregnant, and with many other responsibilities, but the Joy of the Lord has been my strength. It is sad though to see how these that throw such negativity at you see their own children. I see mine as a joy and a gift! I don’t want them to grow up! I want to freeze these wonderful chaotic moments in time because it seems as if they are growing so quickly. I hear “just wait until they are in high school and rebellious, wanting to borrow the car and always on their cell phones”…. what they don’t understand is, not every child is like that. I am training my children to love the Lord, honor their parents and enjoy the simple things in life with their family by their side. It is not mandatory to buy your child a cell phone, in fact, I think in many cases it is more dangerous than good. I have faith in the scripture that says, “train up a child in the way he shall go and when he is old he won’t depart from it”. These are the times when we lean on the promises of our Lord and not the promises of the world. The Bible says we are a “peculiar people who have been called out of darkness into His marvelous light”… This includes our children!!!

      1. I was dreading the teenage years as well, because of all the horror stories I had heard. My daughter was an angel and a delight when she was younger. She is 15-years-old now, and more of a blessing and a treasure than I could have ever imagined! When I was pregnant with my son, I had a friend tell me I shouldn’t announce it until after the first trimester, because a lot of women miscarry in that time frame. I was appalled. Of course, I told everyone as soon as I could, because we were THRILLED! We had been trying for 5 years to have another baby (our kids are 8 years apart). If I had miscarried, why wouldn’t I want to share that information? Why would I want to grieve alone? Why would I have wanted to hide my pregnancy or let my baby pass away unknown? Celebrate children! Grieve the lost ones! Love and support eachother!

        1. Yea, I’ve always felt the sane way and have announced all our pregnancies as soon as I found out because I was not going to become a mother I was already a mother rejoicing in the blessing of a child. I was so glad that I did that because when I have miscarried I’ve been able look back with a thankful heart for the joyful weeks we had together and receive the support of family and friends who grieved with us We do not know how long any of the people we love will be with us. Every day is precious.

        2. I am 30 and 17 weeks pregnant with my first Baby, I announced I was pregnant when I was 5 1/2 weeks! I was SO excited, there was no way I could contain it to just my husband and I!
          I also had quite a number of people, both at work and at church, pull me aside and say that I shouldn’t announce it until I was 12 weeks pregnant, because then the risk of miscarriage is down. I said that I have no intention of miscarrying, and that I have 3 entire churches praying for me, my husband and my baby, so if I do it is truly Gods will, and I will need support, and who better than the people around me everyday. Most people have accepted this explanation but really it is my and my husbands decision when we announce it, I knew from 2-3 weeks that I was pregnant and a lot of my colleagues and friends had already guessed, so why not confirm it and celebrate!

          1. announce it? SO excited?

            If you wear a maternity top and a smile, . . . isn’t that a kind of announcement?

          2. does intention really play into it? Who “intends to miscarry”? Just because you “have no intention of miscarriage,” doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t happen.

            Wish you the best, though.

      2. While I think it’s great that you’re so excited about your children, and you obviously are raising them well, I wouldn’t discount the possibility of rebellious teenagers. A lot more goes into behavior during those years than just the kind of parenting they received growing up. I had the best parents EVER but I know for a fact that between 13-16 I was an absolute monster! Luckily I grew out of it, but some don’t. Children are a blessing, but they also add a lot of challenges to life that shouldn’t be ignored as we talk realistically about our families.

    5. I am an older Mom, and a Grandmother now, and always felt called to have children and raise a family, and am so blessed to have 3 beautiful, healthy children who are all now grown Blessings. I never felt that they were anything but blessings and raised them as such! My own Mother was negative when I became pregnant with my second child, who was planned and spaced 2 yrs. and 9 mos. after the first. I had my third child when my boys were teenagers, and she too was planned. But oh, the comments. I stayed home with my children, and didn’t leave them with sitters hardly at all because I wanted to be with them.
      I didn’t feel deprived!! Why would I want to constantly be leaving them when their childhood goes so quickly? I enjoyed being there and it proved out that we all gained. I don’t have regrets about not being there, and all 3 have become the best children/adults that a Mother could have ever prayed for. Together with God we got through the tough times….together! The best times of my life were raising my children and I thank the Lord that He gave me that and blessed me. The world has REALLY changed in so many ways, and I suppose that the attitudes regarding children is just another of societies ways of “snubbing” GOD and saying…..” So what, about what you created and why……we want to do it our way!” It’s just a part of the ME generation: selfish and knowing better than God! Thank HIM that there are still some Godly young people doing it the right way…….just like my children are. God Bless all of you! Now God has blessed me with 3 wonderful Godly Grandchildren!

    6. Beautifully said. My husband and I have been married for 22 years and have 7 beautiful children, ages almost 20 to 1. I have heard it all. I have been a young mom (21) and an older mom (40). And every thing else in between. So many people are just down right rude. I am proud of our family!

    7. My fifth child is only six weeks old. You better believe I’ve heard negative remarks. EVERY WHERE I GO! Just the other day I went to the grocery store to quickly grab some pullups. I pretended not to see the two women gawking and whispering. My kids know that someone is bound to say I have “my hands full” everywhere we go. Probably more than once. The business owner giving us an estimate for new carpet said IN MY HOUSE, IN FRONT OF MY KIDS that I had too many kids. SMH. The worst is when it comes from family. I married at 28. We both wanted a big family so we got to it – before I got too old. Now I’m 34 and experiencing all kinds of health problems. But guess what. I want more children if God will give me them. And after I can no longer bear them, I really want to adopt. Jesus loves the little children. And so do I. They bring joy and love and make this world a better place just by being alive. Thank you for this article!

    8. This is also true for those who adopt. We have two bio and three adopted children. We love all five of them with all our hearts, but we have had many negative comments from friends and strangers alike. We just smile and go on loving these blessings that God gave us!

    9. I appreciate all of the comments re:what a blessing it is to have children regardless of age, degree status degree, financial situation etc.; however, coming from someone that is struggling to get pregnant, please be sensitive that it may ome across to those of us who can’t have children like motherhood is a select “club” that only a select few may enter. Reiterating how many “negative” comments you have heard after having the 3rd, 4th or 7th child you have had is a bit like the rich man bemoaning his tax status. Be grateful for just being able to have/love a child.

      1. I have a 2.5 year old son, am 31 years old and we have been struggling with getting pregnant again for quite some time now. Please be aware that saying things like, “Be grateful for just being able to have/love a child” sounds like you don’t think that women who already have children are allowed to grieve or feel burdened by some of the negative things that people say. That’s a pretty unfair assessment.

        I’ve kind of gone through it all, so to speak. I’ve miscarried, had the joy of a wonderful pregnancy and beautiful child, and I’m now suffering through secondary infertility. Nothing compares to the incredible joy of motherhood in the same way that nothing compares to the heartache, misery and, at times, despair of losing a baby or not being able to conceive one.

        The Lord has dealt us all different trials for His own reasons. We may need to learn and grow in some way from what we are experiencing. Telling someone that they can’t commiserate about negative comments that are directed at them because they have multiple children is just like telling them that their feelings aren’t valid and that their trials aren’t important. No one said that negative comments were even in the same league as infertility issues, so why are we comparing them?

    10. hmmm I had my first at 21 and my second 23 then had to be fixed because in both times I almost died. Thankfully god answered my prayers and let me see my babies but I decided not to risk a third time around and so agreed to be fixed a hard decision for my husband and I.
      I got the whole young speech thrown at me as did my husband and the your ruining your lives so on and so forth but I wouldn’t change it they are our blessings and we cherish them even when they drive us batty and we want to velcro them to a wall to get them to behave hehe.

      Some food for thought though and please I do have friends that have multiple children and I am really not trying to be insulting to any one just putting out something to think on.
      There are thousands of children that need to be adopted. That have no home , no one to love them, no family, often have gone threw traumatic events. Oh babies often are adopted but from the age of 2 and up it becomes more and more rare and over 6 very unlikely.
      My daughter came to me at the ripe old age of 10. She knows what it is like to feel rejection and bullying and sadly how mean some people can be.(yay public schooling >_<) But any ways she came up to me when we was talking about kids and said..

      I don't want to have biological children. … Well this gave me pause but I looked at her and asked why? .. and she responded with .. there are thousands of kids out there with no one to love them. They are pushed away and rejected I know what that feels like and you should to mom so why would I bring more children into a way over populated world when I could give that love and home to some of these children that have no one?

      I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor that was about the most mature thing I think I have ever heard out of youngin.. but she is right and she got me to thinking about things that day.

      Now don't get me wrong I understand people wanting to have kids and so forth but before people run off and have a dozen or so perhaps they should think of the words of a young girl who has learning disabilities and yet showed wisdom far greater then many adults. A child is a child they all need love blood does not make them our children our hearts do. As someone who got tossed around from place to place and threw the system I too would like for others to stop and just consider a moment as beautiful as it is to have a child to feel it grow and move and give it life…. how beautiful would it be to give a home and love to a child that was left with nothing and no one? My daughter is turning 13 and she is still determined about adoption she asked me how I felt on this and I told her.. you might change your mind you might not but what ever your calling is and where your heart leads you and choice you make I will support you. Weather biological or not they will be my grandchildren and I will love them as I love you. She smiled and hugged me and told me she loved me perhaps her calling will be just that to take in some of the unwanteds that are left with no one either way I am proud she is mine.

    11. I have 5 children ages 30 27 22 20 and a 8 year old that was a surprise blessing at the age of 42 all children are gifts from GOD

    12. This was a nice and encouraging blog for me to read! I’ve been really struggling with the decision to have another child. I’m a Christian woman and I’m 26 years old. My husband and I have 2 healthy children and both were healthy deliveries. I always wanted a big family but my husband did not. We have compromised at 3 kids. We would like to start trying for number 3 very soon but I’ve become consumed with fear! With the world waxing worse and worse I keep having thoughts like, “It would be cruel to bring a child into the world now” and “What will they have to suffer through?” Or “They don’t stand a chance at giving their heart to the Lord in a world like this.” I’ve been so torn on what to do. I also ask myself “What does God want for me to do.?” Scriptures about ‘children being a blessing’ and ‘we shouldn’t fear’ come to mind. I guess I should fully trust the scriptures. Any advice and prayers are appreciated! God bless!

  2. I so often get tongue tied when people ask me about my family size (only 3). Short interactions just aren’t enough to convey how blessed I am by my children. It grieves me that so many people feel children are burdens not to be celebrated.

    1. My first child was conceived while on birth control at age 20. I felt it was “meant to be”, from then on 4 more children came to me and my husband, 1 did’nt make it to us but in the end we have 3 lovely boys now ages 11,10,6 and a girl age 3! I thank god for them everyday, even thur hard times they are the reason Iam here, my job is them, to raise them to be great in this world! Teach them ALL i can and more so when the times comes for my husband and I to leave this world they are able to go forth strong!!! I remeber when the 2 older boys were little, there’s a 18m difference so they felt like twins! I would get so many stairs and funny looks by many people. I thought it was my height iam only 4’10 , but when the looks continued while pregant with #3 it wasn’t my small height, it was “why are pregant again?, you should be careful, omg are u done yet?” So much negativity my thoughts were “forget this” iam gonna show you. I raised those kids so well so far, I get many complements on their behavior and manners (thank you, please, may I, holding doors open-no one does that anymore) Every times someone complements me its another reasurence iam doing something right! And it FEELS GREAT! GO on ladies have those babies if it is meant to be it will be, you were given a gift never should we defend our god given right!!! oxoxox

      1. Nichole – just another 4’10” mama of 3 chiming in! Oh the stares I got because my belly was bigger than I was tall! I can’t tell you how many people asked if I was having twins and just wouldn’t take no for an answer!

        1. I was 4’10” when I was pregnant with my babies, too. Way bigger around than I was tall with baby #1! I got the comments “you don’t need anymore”, “don’t you know what causes that?”, etc. Some comments were very, very annoying and invasive. However, they were countered with great comments from those of older generations “It is so nice to see such a large family!” (We raised 7 – 4 of our own and 3 adopted.) Like for Nichole, the comments on their behavior thrilled me and my husband. I don’t understand people that have babies and then act like those children are in the way of their lives. The children ARE our lives. I feel blessed to have had my babies, those that lived and those waiting for me in Heaven.

          1. Ok, everyone keeps saying they get asked “don’t you know what causes that?” and now I’m confused…it’s just sex, right?

          2. I birthed four children in six years, and I heard the question “don’t you know what causes that?” a million times at least. I used to blush when asked and make some change of subject. Then I heard the perfect come back from a friend who was expecting her fourth. I jokingly said, “they know what causes that you know.” And she said, “Yes, we know….and we like it…ALOT!” I laughed so hard. I wished I had used that one because it certainly turns the tables and embarrasses the one who asks you such a silly question. If I wasn’t post menopausal I would consider getting pregnant again just to use this one!

          3. The best reply I have heard for the “don’t you know what causes that?” came from a father of 12. He said, “We do! But we’re beginning to wonder about the rest of you . . .” A quick response that showed how negative the original question is – they are implying that no one who had a choice would want more children.

      2. I too I’m short (4′ 10″) and the ugly remarks and looks I got with all four of my pregnancie as well ….I’m so blessed with three boys (12, 9, & 6) and our baby girl (3). Thankful I started early and can enjoy them. God is good. I still get looks and now just mostly …”these all yours and you homeschool AND live in a camper!!!!! ” I always seam to take thier breath away LOL!

      3. So nice to hear and see that children are valued by some people. I come from a what is now considered a “crazy large” family: 9 brothers and 1 sister. Got married when I was 18 and had my first 9 months after our wedding. I was 19. Then came 3 more: 5, 4, and 2. I am 26 and am very short too: 4’11”. I get a lot of comments like: “you have your hands full” from strangers. I work full-time right now and the comments I get from coworkers are almost hurtful… They think I’m crazy for not using birth control… I don’t regret a minute of any of my pregnancies, births or children’s lives. They have taught me humbleness like no one else was able to.

    2. I have seven children and I was approached often by others about my family size. The most typical remark, even from total strangers, was, “You’re not going to have any more are you?” with the clear message that I should not even consider it. My favorite response to any and all was said with a big smile on my face, “Oh, I hope so!” It always shut them up immediately And I always walked away giggling to myself. I made a point of not wasting my energy on being upset by them. They just don’t know what they are missing!

      1. I think the reason you and many others with large families get that reaction is that you are putting such a big strain on the environment. It puzzles me that large families are often Christian families, and we are the ones who should be taking care of the planet more than anyone. Why is there no acknowledgement here that having more than one or two kids is extremely irresponsible on an environmental scale?

        1. The Lord gave us the earth to Multiply and Replenish. I have two and would have more if I could like she stated. I disagree with it being a strain on the environmental scale. Sex is not just for fun–too many people take it too loosely.

        2. Kelly, your comment certainly doesn’t fit here. I know more “large” families who are adding to, rather than putting a strain on the environment, by doing things such as gardening, making their own clothes, recycling various items to use them for other things, making all sorts of homemade products that most people would drive to the store and buy instead of doing themselves. In general, I see large families being a lot more creative with resources and willing to work harder to do things themselves than smaller, more self-centered families who only have one or two kids for the purpose of having more for themselves and creating a more comfortable, convenient environment in which they expect other people think for and serve them.

          1. Actually, Natalie, your comment is also out of place. Most moms here are commenting on being judged for having large families, and here you are, making the same sort of negative judgements about small families.

        3. I can’t speak for everyone here – but I think the fundamental difference is that humans are not seen as a burden to be born by the environment around us but as a contributing steward that helps in productivity & care.
          It seems as though most people commenting are pretty clear on their ideas that God is the one blessing them with children – a clear idea from Scripture – so then, the concern is not that they’re having children, but how we are raising them to steward the earth. That idea is not irrelevant to this discussion but it is a separate topic. You seem to conflate the two ideas because of your underlying assumption that more people equals not caring.

        4. How on earth is having more than 2 children harmful to the environment? Its actually much less wasteful because all the food gets eaten, all the clothes are re-used, the gas in the car is being used for more than only 2. Not to mention what a waste a huge home is with only 4 (unless that’s all God sees fit for you ) Consider that God gave Jacob 12 children, I believe God knew better than to strain His planet. 🙂

          1. Deanna, this comment is in response not only to your post but to this forum in its entirety.

            It is harmful to the environment because there are currently 7 billion people inhabiting the planet and the earth does not have the resources to sustain humanity indefinitely. Regardless of how environmentally conscious a family is (and for most families, environmental consciousness is not a priority and/or they do not have the financial security to make it a focus), a family with 5+ children will undoubtedly consume a huge amount of resources. As someone else commented, it is not just a family of 5, but of hundreds or thousands, as your children will have children who will have children, etc. Regardless of how fast the population is currently growing, even if it stays at its current level the earth cannot sustain it. It is hard for most people to care about the planet on such a large scale, especially when they won’t be here anymore when global warming, water shortages and food production issues start to make a more serious and direct impact on society. But it really hits home when you consider what the world will be like for your grandchildren, and pretending these issues do not exist promotes a dangerous level of ignorance.

            Furthermore, such vehement opposition to abortion, and a belief that God intends for young women to have many children while sacrificing their careers and financial security, promotes the idea that young women and teenagers who are unfit emotionally and financially to raise a child should do so anyway. This leads to children growing up in unstable homes with a far increased likelihood of addiction, abuse, mental illness, etc., increasing the general strain on society as they rely on government dependence.

            In my humble opinion it is far more responsible to wait until you are a in a comfortable and secure position to raise a family, even if that means having two children instead of five. If you want to have seven children with limited financial (and environmental) resources to support them, that is your decision and I probably will not change your mind. But I do feel a need to voice my opinion here for uninformed readers struggling with what decision to make.

          2. This is a response to Sara.
            The family is the basic building block of society. The breakdown of the family has wreaked havoc on every sphere of life. Children ARE a heritage from the Lord. They are not just numbers to be cast away for the sake of the general welfare. Now this is a complicated situation we have found ourselves in in America, but it is not without a solution. We want to be free, but we have refused to obey God’s law and so the government has gladly made itself out to be our god. Make no mistake that the government is a harsh taskmaster. It’s better for us to obey God’s laws than man’s laws. What I think you’re getting at, Sara, is that you would like to see America start enacting some laws to prevent people from having kids just like China. Kill babies just to save the environment, just to save everyone else, right? Because people will not be stopped from making babies, unless they are sterilized. But that sounds a bit too Nazi-ish. Now maybe you think I’m taking this all too far. But this is the inevitable conclusion of what you believe. And it is evil. The only solution is that God gives this nation the grace to repent of rebelling from His ways and return to serve Him. If you have read about the Exodus you will remember that the Hebrews were greatly multiplied while in bondage in Egypt and God provided for them for 40 years in the wilderness. He will provide for His people and will bless the land if we obey. It’s a scriptural promise.

        5. Why should Christian families be “taking care of the planet more than anyone?” Everyone on Earth uses it; we all have the same responsibility. And, in fact, the Lord said to “multiply and replenish the Earth.” And by that, he meant having children and raising families and building the kingdom of God. It is not environmentally irresponsible to have more than a couple of children – environmentally irresponsible is driving places we don’t need to, erecting buildings over animal habitats, using chemicals…NOT having children.

        6. I am honestly puzzled by your statement that it is “extremely irresponsible on an environmental scale” to have more than one or two children. What facts bring you to this conclusion? Family size is a poor/incomplete indicator of true environmental impact. The large families (more than two children according to your definition) I have encountered are very resource conscience. Frugality and thrift are the attributes they practice. They make do with less, they make their resources stretch, they reuse, they re purpose, they hand items down, they buy used or make it at home, they share, they take care of what they have to make it last as long as possible, they contribute to their community. True Christian families are commanded by God to raise children that value their environment with an attitude of stewardship. Being “green” is not just a pop culture buzz word or fashion choice, it is a way a life. Speaking from my own experience, the primary fallacy of your statement is that it implies that families with fewer children will always consume less and/or have a smaller negative environmental impact. This is obviously not true. Is food your concern? It has been long established that hunger is primarily a distribution issue not a production issue. What key information am I missing that makes someone’s choice (regardless of faith) to have more than two children environmentally irresponsible?

          1. ….. think about in the far future. What if you have 5 kids and they have 5 kids and they all have 5 kids… eventually there will be too many people to live on this planet…

        7. Actually, although this is the way people are educated, overpopulation is not turning out as they predicted. In fact, many countries are facing a declining population – Japan, Russia, Spain, just to name a few who are already there. Most of the developed world is very close. Canada, where I live, is promoting immigration as the way to avoid this.

          I became aware of this when I worked on a government project and then I did some research on my own.

          1. Australia also has issues with a lack of population increase, and has for some time. The government here has offered for 10-15 years a “Baby bonus” where each Australian citizen is given $3000-5000 for having a child. This was to encourage people to have a third child, “one for mum, one for dad and one for the country.” Yes this system has been taken advantage of by some women on the low socio-ecomomic side having babies to get the money, but as a whole it has been used by everyday women to assist with the initial costs.

        8. That is actually a myth. Many societies are in very bad shape due to smaller populations and not having enough younger working people to help care for the elderly. There is a wonderful documentary called Demographic Winter that explains it very well. In the US, we don’t even have a replacement rate going.
          Furthermore, most large families are much better at reusing and recycling. We are a family of 9 that lives in the same size house that most families of 4 live in. We also put out less trash than most of our small family neighbors. We re-use baby equipment, toys, clothes, etc. We also garden, compost, and raise chickens. We cook from scratch and use very few pre-packaged foods. I also make some of our cleaning products that are environmentally friendly.

        9. AGREED! That is a huge reason of why we are happy with our one baby girl (by adoption)… we are open to adopting more, but our God-given roles as stewards of Creation made it easy to close the door on biological children. Most of the Christians I know skew “be fruitful and multiply” to fit their bloated views on biological reproduction, when it was *never* made as a universal command in Scripture!

        10. I’ve heard the environmental argument when people get their noses all up in the Duggars business. (Yes, I know they are on t.v., but that doesn’t mean that they are asking for millions of micro-managers. haha!)
          The answer I gave to one person was, “what about the family with only 1 child driving the gas guzzling SUVs?! At least the Duggars are bringing well-behaved children into the world!” (Disclaimer: Not saying that only children are always spoiled.)
          Also, we have to remember that the President probably damages the environment more with one trip on his private plane than one large family does in their children’s lifetimes!

        11. It puzzles you? Well, even to take but one example: look at the large and many areas of forest fires, . . . are you able to entertain the logic which shows that, if families were living in those areas, . . . there would then be no forest fires, . . . h-m-m-m?

        12. God created the earth to use (with due respect to it’s value as a creation of God’s of course). And the more people there are, the more resources there are. Resources are not things, but rather ingenious ideas. Oil was not useful until someone came up with a use for it. The more brains we have, the more resources we’ll have. And there is plenty of space on the earth. No worries about that!

      2. I have to comment on this as well. I have 5 blessings and JUST discovered I’m pregnant with our 6th. My husband makes 6 figures so we can afford to buy many “things” if we choose. We use cloth napkins, towels, diapers (that have lasted years btw). I don’t have paper products at all other than toilet paper. We are blessed beyond belief with handed down clothes for all my children that then get passed down to other families. I shop consignment for myself as well. We live in a modest house with multiple kids per room. We don’t use a dishwasher, I often hang clothes to dry & have an efficiency washer that I only run with full loads. We keep the thermostat a little on the chilly side in winter & warmer than comfort in the summer. Our kids share and share alike, using their imagination for inspiration instead of plastic toys. We recycle & compost & support local farmers. ALL of this we do not because we have to but because we want to take care of the earth given to us. Now think, if we instill these beliefs in SIX children & they have children (God willing a few will be priests) what an impact we will have on SAVING the earth! But I beg the question…what is the earth if there is no one living on it? I’m reminded of people who save their wedding china for something special or to pass down to their kids, not realizing the gift was theirs to begin with. Remember, there are no promises of tomorrow, though we hope & plan.

        That being said, I am so grateful to have read this post…we haven’t been brave enough yet to start telling our news but this encourages me. It doesn’t matter what others think or say & they can only insult you if you give them permission, right? I only care what my kids think about our family size & we are constantly telling them that this is THE BEST job in the world to be loved by so many children. Gotta just let the comments roll off & pray for the person that makes them. I have received so many beautiful, sweet comments from other strangers that I truly cherish them & remember them instead! And, I try to pay it forward as well-we should always encourage other moms, if they have one or 10 that they are doing a great job!!!

        1. Hi Amy
          I also have 5 children. I had 7 pregnancies in 14 year. I lived in Naples, then in Virginia beach and then in Perugia. In Italy people always stopped me and asked if we ha a TV or not!
          I’ve always had lots of negative comments. All you say above is true and you are to be congratulated that you live so eco friendly. The selfishness of children in homes were there is only one or two children is unbelievable and also the reason for so many divorces because they don’t know how to share…God bless your family!!

        2. Hi Amy,
          Your family sounds like my family! There were six of us-and boy did my mom get some comments when she had her sixth! She was 45 years old with her last, and he was the biggest blessing of all. Her choice to have two little boys at the end of her child bearing years gave me the opportunity to practice taking care of small children, and opened my heart to hopefully having my own large family. We too recycled everything, shopped consignment, raised and canned our own food. I was never aware of lacking in any way. On the contrary, the work that we put into our garden, into our little farm, into one another, taught me to work hard and to be thankful. I am so proud of my mom for having all of us, and for caring for us in such a conscientious manner. Her own mother disowned her when she got married, and cried when she quit her job to have her first baby, my older brother. I am 25 now, and my youngest brother is 7. I personally felt so proud to get married, and can’t wait to show my mother her first grandchild. :)I know she’ll be an amazing grandma.

  3. If I had listened to opposite world I would have never had my children as I went thru menopause at 29! So when I hear young married couples say they plan on waiting to have kids until they are in their 30’s I try to encourage them not to as you never know if you are one of rare ones in your family to will have issues.

  4. When my husband and I got pregnant the 3rd time (miscarried after our 1st) with twins, we got tons and tons of remarks. “I certainly hope this is it.” “Wow, you better stop.” “You might get multiples again.” Not to mention the invasive questions about infertility (which we didn’t even have). Sadly, our daughter was stillborn. Thankfully our son was okay. So now we have 2 kids here and 1 in Heaven. When I tell people we want to have more I get so many comments. “Really, you want to try again? What if you lose another baby?” “Isn’t 2 enough?” “Wow, that’s a lot.” It seems if you want more than 2 kids, you are a freak. Sad to me. I honestly feel sorry for those people. They are missing the blessing. They are also missing the faith we have in God to bring us more children if that is His will or to carry us through if something happens again.

    1. Ashley, I’m so sorry to hear of your losses! I know the pain of miscarriage, but can’t imagine the pain of stillbirth. I know it must go even deeper. I’ve been pregnant four times, but only have two children on this earth (a boy and a girl). When I shared with a Christian woman that I wanted at least one more, but I was afraid of losing more babies in the process, she told me that maybe I just needed to be content with what I had. That was like a punch in the gut. Am I selfish to keep trying when loss is a possibility? I’ve decided that the answer is no. It’s not selfish. If God is leading you to more children, we have to put our faith in Him, and trust that He will take us on the journey as He wills. I think you are exactly right! I know you will be blessed in your faithfulness, and I hope He blesses you with more children, too!

      1. Ashley, I am sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine a stillborn baby, my heart cries for you.
        Leah, NO you are by no means selfish! I struggled with infertility all through my 20s. God blessed our home with five children through adoption. My husband was laid off in 2009 and I joked that we would probably get pregnant now. That was in March. In December we found out I was about 12-14w pregnant. In June of 2010 we welcomed our first biological child. Imagine my surprise when in 2011 I found out I was expecting again. I was so very excited. 10 years with no babies and now 2 in two years! A few weeks later we discovered I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had to undergo emergency surgery and have my right fallopian tube removed. I needed more fertility hurdles… I suffered through two more early miscarriages and then became pregnant again. It was so hard. I wanted this baby as much as I wanted the last three, but I was scared to death. Emotionally I was spent. That first sonogram was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done. When he said the tube was clear I cried. When he showed me the little heart just a beating at 8w I bawled! Next month I will deliver a son. I’m so glad I did not give up because of the fear and heartbreak. I pray that you will be blessed again and that you will find peace.

        1. Thank you for saying that, Julie. And congratulations on your soon-to-arrive baby boy!!! Even though I’m choosing to move forward, words often stick with you, so I really appreciate your words that will drown out the others. Enjoy your little miracle! 🙂

    2. Ashley, you actually have *4* children — 2 here, and the 2 who died before birth. Praise God for all of them 🙂
      I too have had miscarriages, but never a stillbirth. I can’t imagine carrying to term and then losing a little one. You have such courage, being willing to allow God to be God of your fertility — don’t let anyone take that away from you! Our children are always blessings, whether we get to raise them here or if they are our cheering squad in Heaven. And He knows the perfect plan for your family 🙂

      1. Sue, I was going to say the same thing! Ashley, you are a mother of 4! I can’t imagine losing a child. I fully and truly believe that each life is a gift from God; married, or not; born living, or not; first child, or eleventh; each and every one was cared for by God before they were born (Isaiah 44:2). Your heavenly babies were spared the trials of earthly living. They have that gift. As Christian parents, our goal is to help prepare our children for heaven. So, no matter the outcome of any future pregnancies, we are always aiming to add to the glory of God, and His Kingdom. It is not selfish to try again. It is the exact opposite! How selfless to put your heart on the line again, because God wanted to grow His Kingdom further. May the God of life, healing, comfort, and love be with you and all mothers as you walk forward in faith and His will for your lives.

        1. I am a barely 18 year old single mother. I got pregnant last year before I was married. People asked me why I just don’t abort the baby ad continue living my life or why not just give the child up for adoption ( people thought that wouldn’t be too hard since I myself was adopted but boy are they wrong!). They could not figure out why I wanted so badly to keep this baby even though it was going to mean that “my life was ruined”. It was not easy! I got so big that I could not claps my hands in front of my belly and little old women and little kids would have to ask if I was having twins! To this day I still say she is the best “mistake” of my life. I stepped out of God’s perfect plan for our lives and had a child before marriage, but she is the biggest blessing! She is now 9 weeks old and has brought me more joy ( and less sleep lol) then I have felt in my life!

          1. I too was adopted and got pregnant before we married. This was ten years ago, and it seems it was more taboo then? They told me, I’d never go to college. That I was ruining my life and my boyfriend’s(we married about 2 years later) and that having a child would be the worst thing I could do. That my child would end up back in foster care, just like his mother. That my husband and I marrying wouldn’t change the fact that we as a couple would never make it past 5 years of marriage. Here is my response to all of that. Let your heart be your weapon of determination. Love those who are mean, for they obviously need it, but stand clear so as not to hurt yourself. Encourage those who are filled with negativity, and this will encourage your soul as well. I am grateful eternally that I had my children(3 here and one too precious to grace this earth) because at 26 I had cervical cancer. No more for me, but I’m happy with what I have.

          2. Yes, Kelly, your daughter is a blessing and I encourage you in your motherhood journey.

            Many years ago, I found myself in your position — in my teens, pregnant and unwed. Like you, abortion wasn’t an option. I wanted my baby very badly. In my young mind, I reasoned that the baby might be the only child I might ever have. How could I know then just how true those feelings would be. Never again was my body able to have a viable pregnancy and bear another child. My husband and I have been married for 23 years. In 2007 at age 42, God opened the door for a precious baby girl born in China to become our daughter. Eight short months later, my older daughter — the child born when I was sixteen years old — was killed in an automobile accident, leaving behind her husband and two young daughters. I miss her every single day.

            Love and cherish your sweet baby girl. Every day with her is a gift from God. He is our Redeemer.

    3. Ashly,

      May the Father bless you richly and give you the desire of your heart!!! I am the mother of 5. My mother was shocked when I got pregnant so quickly after the wedding (7 weeks) and not happy. Our daughter is the only one that I could carry to term. I am grateful every day that we didn’t wait. We have lost 11 babies in the last 22 years. We chose adoption to expand our family and we have adopted a sibling group of 4. It is challenging but oh so rewarding!!! May the many blessings of the Creator be yours!! Shalom!!

    4. Ashly, I’m so sorry for your loss and so happy for your gain. But I can’t help but notice that you said you have one child in Heaven. But you have two. The one you miscarried is waiting for you to return to them. What a glorious reunion that will be. God bless you and congratulations on your family.

    5. I encourage you to keep having children. Everyone of them is a blessing. I have 3 children and 3 miscarriages and 1 on the way. I know in heaven that those babies will be waiting for there mama.I think how blessed I was to be the mother of almost perfect people. They did not have a lot of lessons to learn here on Earth before getting to return to live with their Heavenly Father. God Bless.

      1. Thanks for being open. Having miscarried twice and carried to term once I have been afraid to conceive again. Thanks for being willing to state your pain, loss and joy with pregnancy and miscarriage. It gives me hope for the future.

    6. Our first baby was miscarried and our 2nd son, after years of infertility was such a miracle@ He was conceived naturally with no fertility meds. But he was stillborn when I was 33 weeks pregnant with him. We were so devastated. We got pregnant with our now 1 year old just a couple months later and no one ever said anything directly to me, but I know it was said about me that maybe we should not have more kids. But I am always telling people what a blessing that BOTH my boys are. They are both miracles and gifts from God. All children are. No matter how long we get to have them here on the earth with us, they are blessings. And I know that they are waiting for us in Eternity and when I get to be with Jesus, I will get to see my 2 kids in Heaven. I am so blessed that I get to have their little brother here to raise. We will be trying to have more kids and we will see each of them as a blessing no matter what!
      See, my hubby and I got married while we were in college and I graduated a few months later. He graduated a few years later and we both went on to Graduate school. While in Grad school we started trying and that is when we discovered we have fertility issues. It took us 3.5 years to get pregnant with Gideon (my son who was stillborn) and then 11 months after that his little brother, Silas, was born. I was 29 when Gideon was born and 30 when Silas was born. I wish that we hadnt waited so long to try. We waited 5 years before we started trying. I am not saying that going to school was wrong for us and we always looked at children as a blessing, but I always wonder about the children we missed out on because we decided that we wanted to wait. I know that I want lots more children and because of my fertility issues, I dont have much time left. But that being said, I believe that all children are blessings and that they are our greatest ministry.
      I cant wait to see the further blessings that God gifts to us, for no matter how long we get them here.

    7. I am so sorry for the loss of your miscarried baby and your stillborn daughter. I have been there, too. May Our Father bless you as He sees fit to do and bless the others with the grace to respect His decisions in your life and the life of your family.

  5. Children are a gift from God and it is too bad more people do not see it that way. It hurts my heart to see on the news all of the talk of abortions and how our society is so selfish. I’m trying my hardest to keep God in my children’s lives so they make good choices but they are up against so much peer pressure out there from others who are not as strong in their faith. Babies are a blessing from God!

  6. I just have 1, he was born when I turned 31. I didn’t marry till I was 26 and my husband is 9 years older than me. I finished college & got my degree that way if something would happen to my husband, I can support myself and my son. I wanted more kids but I guess God didn’t want to bless me with any more even though we are financially able to care for more than our 1 son.

    1. Maybe you are meant to have more children. I believe adoption is the ultimate proof that Christians love All of Gods children. By bring a baby/toddler into your home and loving he/she with all your heart regardless of biology is beautiful, self-less, and proof of the gift of unconditional love God gave mothers. So many babies lives are being taken before they even had a chance and many more are given up because they parent could not provide. If Christians like me and you want all women to either keeping their babies or giving them up for adoption. Than the people who adopt them should be the Christians who would be devastated by the thought of abortion. My belief is yes, we should and I believe God give many people the foundation to do exactly that, make a difference in someone life forever.

      1. Why does the child adopted need be a baby/toddler. There are lots and lots of children older than toddler that need adopting. Lets not forget they need our love too.

        1. My husband and I waited until a few years after college to get married and another year to “try”. Four years later and we still have not conceived any children. At times it is hard to watch many young couples say “we’re waiting” or act as if there is so much to enjoy before the horrific burden of children. We now have several foster children. While I love them like crazy, they are still not “mine.” In the end, no children are ours anyway. For however long they’re with us, they are His children, and He’s blessed us with the privilege of raising them. I am sad that many people only think of adopting from a crisis pregnancy or a foreign country when there are 3 preteens in my house right now waiting on adoptive families. While I regret believing the lies of this world, our Heavenly Father has a way of bringing glory to Himself through any situation. I am blessed to have been in this particular circumstance. One day some of these children or others conceived naturally will be a permanent part of our family.

      2. I so agree!!! My husband and I decided before we got married that we want as many children as God wants us to have. We got married a week after I turned 19 and he was 20 at the time. LONG story short, I’m 24 now and we’ll be having our third child this July. (He was a Marine so we didn’t conceive our first until I was almost 21…stinkin’ deployments! Lol!) Anyway, with this being my third pregnancy in the third year, my body has taken a beating, (one I gladly bear) but I have some injuries that need addressed after this one is born. SO…we’re hoping that this is some time where we will be able to adopt!!! We both have such a heart for it and can’t wait until God opens those doors for us! I’m glad there are others who feel the same way I do =) I believe that children are a blessing from the Lord! And they don’t always have to come from your own womb either!

      3. Adoption is far too expensive for us to consider. Hubby is possibly facing a lay-off in the next few months. I have several friends who adopted and spent over 10K to do so.

        1. As an “older” mom (I am now 50) I’ve been reading some of the comments. My husband and I married (he’s 6 yrs older than me) right after I graduated high school, I was 18, and much to the chagrin of many of my teachers and Christian friends. I was the “gifted” one in the family and it was assumed I would go to college to be a Dr or something of the sort by most people. My husband had decided we were not going to hinder God’s “gifts” to us so 9 1/2 months later (many were counting on their fingers I’m sure..but I was a virgin!) our first daughter was born via C-sect as she was stuck in a breech position. Over the course of the next 3 yrs, I lost 2 other babies and my mil convinced my dear hubby that I should go to college and get an RN degree as a “just in case something happened to him”. While in school AND on birth control pills, I became pregnant with twins, began bleeding at 5 months, lost one twin and had to stay off my feet for the remainder of the pregnancy. God blessed us with our 2nd daughter on Friday the 13th 😉 just before our oldest turned 5! Two yrs later (while on birth control again!) I became pregnant with our 3rd daughter (began spotting again @ 3 mos). With all the trouble we had, I was 26 yrs old, had been pregnant 6 times, had 3 live births, the drs recommended I have a tubal ligation. I cried and cried. However! When our youngest daughter turned 10 (I was 36) we adopted our 3 sons out of the foster care system from NWAE.org (from Oregon state) our boys were 2, almost 5 and just turned 6. The out of pocket cost to adopt out of foster care was $0! Oregon paid for my husband and I to fly from Florida out to OR to get our sons and the motel for 3 days and the flight back home for 5!. For car rental/food (we had to pay up front and send them the receipts). I can’t imagine my life without them. They have truly been a blessing and we tell them all the time, that although they were conceived and birthed in one family, God always intended for them to be Burkhardt’s!

          1. It’s not that easy if you live in Oregon. Even though it was a cousin adopting my sister’s 4th baby, it took almost 2 years. The other three are back with my sister. Oregon really prefers kids to be with their parents if at all possible.

        2. Hi KellyK, don’t let the fear of the price keep you from what could be God’s calling in your life. That was my husband’s greatest worry about adoption. But there are ways to adopt without the steep price tag. There are also grants available, and there’s always fund raising. It took us nearly two years to adopt our little girl (our second child, first adoption). And all told, in that two years, we spent about $8,000. Yes, it was expensive. No, we did not have that kind of money. All of that money was raised from our wonderful friends, neighbors, and relatives. Yes, it was hard work raising that kind of money, but it was completely worth it! But as I said, there are other ways to adopt that don’t have the price tag. If you feel that urge to have another child, but can’t physically, look deeply into adoption and pray, pray, pray. If it’s meant to be, God will open the doors. But if it’s not meant to be, there are blessings to having just one child as well. God bless you in your journey.

        3. My husband and I went through all the classes we needed for adoption. We then found out we were pregnant so adoption has been put on hold for awhile! However, I wanted to respond to you saying that adoption was too expensive- international adoption is quite expensive, but adoption here in the states is relatively free (at least here in Massachusetts). The state wants these kids to go to good homes and families and because of that they pay for most all the expenses involved. I hope you’re able to expand your family however God decides!

        4. I just had to chime in on the expense of adopting. We have been married 24 years. We have 10 kids. I gave birth to 7. We adopted one, are in the process of adopting another and have fostered a very special needs boy for over 10 years. It cost us $70.00 to adopt. We went through the state foster care system. The only expenses were the $70 filing fees to finalize the adoption. The children we added were 2 and 6 at the time. If you want to be open to older, special needs or just any child who needs a home and loving family, you can afford to adopt.

          1. Right BUT I know my husband, who will be 50 in July has no interest in adopting a child with special needs. He kaiboshed adopting even before we had our son. Not only is adoption costly but they also make you jump through so many hoops to be approved to adopt. They ought to make parents whose children have been removed from their care jump through those same hoops. It’s More than I’m willing to dedicate my time and ability. I’m recovering from surgery right now as well and it’s a given my husband will get laid off in the next few months as he’s low man on the totem pole at his job.
            So therefore the responsibility of supporting my family will fall to me once again. If I didn’t have my RN degree and license and we had to rely solely on my husbands income, we’d be in trouble and most likely homeless.

        5. Not so! Most states will pay you to adopt foster kids! I know for certain the states of Indiana and Illinois will. Check into your states foster care system and see. I think in my state, my husband and I would pay a $50 filing fee and thats about it. Most of the time the state will offer to continue to pay out the stipend that you would have gotten had the child stayed in foster care.

        6. -KellyK: I normally don’t comment on posts/blogs. I usually just enjoy reading them and the comments. But, after I read your comment about the responsibility of supporting your family falling on your shoulders or you’d be in trouble or homeless, I just had to reply and tell you what’s on my heart. First of all, I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s impending lay off, and your surgery. My heart goes out to you, and prayers for you and your family to the Lord. But…the responsibility does not solely fall on your shoulders. God gives us everything we need. God takes care of us, and will never turn His back on you.
          -Mathhew 6:31-33 : “Therefore do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
          – If your husband loses his job and you have to go back to work, go back to work praising God that He has not forgotten about you and blessed you with a wonderful profession. Go back knowing God is with you still, and will never leave no matter how bleak things may seem, or how great things are. For no matter how great our life may be, we always need God, and now matter how bleak, we will always have Him. We must put out that flame of doubt and worry that comes creeping up when things look dim: extinguish it and turn your eyes upon Jesus. Throw all your burdens and cares on Him, for He is the ONLY one who can help. If we have faith and take care of what’s important to God, He has has promised us, PROMISED US, that he will take care of what is important to us! God has never broken a promise, ever.
          – I will keep you and your family in my prayers tonight that God will heal you from your surgery, bless you with children if that’s what you truly desire (all things are possible through Christ who strengthens you), and will deliver your husband from his job loss to turn his eyes upon Jesus and set his sights on things that are above, and know that God will take care of things on earth.

        7. Please don’t rule out adoption because of cost. Some adoptions (local foster) can be free and the in some cases the county will even provide a monthly stipend until adulthood. There are so many ways to fundraise for adoption! My sis-in-law Julie Gumm wrote a book called “Adopt Without Debt” that explains in great detail how you can fund your adoption. We’ve already raised several thousand dollars and have only been at it for a month or so! God will provide if you are ready to provide a family for a child!

        8. My parents have adopted 10 children from Ethiopia. They will be getting 2 more from China soon. They have gotten every dime back in taxes. If you are in the US, find someone who is knowledgeable about taxes and have them walk you through it. Obviously, you might have to borrow the money initially, but will be able to pay it all back once the adoption is finalized and come tax time. 🙂 Finances don’t have to be a road block. Just a hurdle.

          1. Don’t adopt just because you want another child. The only reason to adopt is because God is calling you to raise a child you did not give birth to. I am told that some adoptions are happy experiences, where the child fully integrates into the family and doesn’t have any serious problems growing up, but my own experience is not that way. We adopted two boys who came to us as foster children at ages 6 and 3. They are now 19 and 16. I will not go into all that these boys have put us through since they have been with us. We have loved them and treated them no differently than our biological children, but they repay us with ingratitude. The older boy has cut us almost completely out of his life, only contacting us in order to visit his brother. The younger boy plans to do the same as soon as he can legally move out. As painful as it is, I do not regret adopting them, and I would do it all over again, because I believe God put them in our family for a reason–to give them a chance at eternal life. I pray that someday we will be together in Heaven with everlasting joy.

      4. I agree we have a duty to all children. But I am (frankly) offended by the people who feel the need to say “we have ____ number of kids, ____our ‘own’, and ____ adopted”. For those people fully embracing adoption, all the kids are your “own”, whether they share your genes or not. To feel the need to point out their differences of origin is to push a wedge between you and them. People who have to mention their children are adopted are looking for attention. Either you accept your children as they are and who they are and where they came from, or you don’t.

        By all means adopt and share your family with those who need one, but don’t do it as an “obligation” and don’t do it for attention.

        Children deserve parents who want and love them.

        1. I second what Lauren said. All children, whether they be biological, adopted or foster, want and NEED to feel claimed, like they are an integral part of the family. I have seen lots of adopted kids/family groups where you can’t tell whether they are all bio or not. My amazing sister in law has adopted 3 and is waiting for finalization on the last 2. All the kids are related one way or another – shared parent or cousin. And my sis in law struggled with infertility for over a decade before these kids were brought in to her life. They are all about a year apart, sometimes a little closer. And looking at them, you couldn’t tell that the kids were adopted. They are joined in love and it shows.
          In my neighborhood growing up, two sisters with their families built homes and lived two blocks apart. Both sisters adopted after having several biological. One sister’s adopted son felt included and loved while the other sister’s adopted kids were not treated very nicely. Their physical needs were met but the mom always pointed out they were adopted (not in a mean way, but as a point of fact) and over time, more and more of a wedge grew. I don’t even know if the mom in that case is aware of the fact that her adopted daughter feels like she doesn’t belong but I know she feels that way.
          My own mother had six children and fostered another 5 cousins on and off for over a decade. Every time we as a family went out, she was asked “are they all yours” and instead of just saying “Yes” she would point out “all except those two” or “that one”. It made my cousins, who already felt disowned by their own parents, feel as though my mom was erecting a wall. As a foster parent myself, whenever those babies or kids come into my home, from the minuted they get in our car, or step through our door, they become “MINE”. I’m not replacing their parents, but I am reinforcing to them that they are loved and safe and accepted. That being away from their bio parents isn’t a punishment. I think it is really really important that parents who foster or adopt or become a step parent, view the children as theirs, no if’s and’s or but’s. If there is a distinction in the parent’s mind, chances are the kids will know and feel it.

  7. We have three, but still found people would make comments like ‘Don’t you have a television?”

    I just went to the supermarket with my youngest, almost 2 yo. An elderly gentleman said to me as my precious boy waved was waving goodbye to everyone we saw. “I don’t know why young people have children anymore, the world you are bringing them in to”

    1. That reminds me of when my husband and I were dating. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a houseful of kids. I told him this and he said, “Well, I don’t know about bringing kids into this world…” I was like, “Oh, ok, well this is a big ole waste of time cause I’m going to be a mom!” We talked about it and he decided it was the right thing… delivering our 7th child next month… I got my houseful. LOL

      1. I know exactly how you feel! I’ve always felt called to be a wife and a mother. In school, people would ask me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or “What do you want to do with your life?” My response was always the same. I want to be a wife and a mother.
        God has gifted me with musical talent, and so many of these people would get upset and say, “Don’t you want to go to college, or American Idol, or Broadway? There’s so much more to life than being a wife or a mom!” It always broke my heart to hear those terms being used as derogatory labels. I believe that children are a blessing from the Lord, and I want as many as He thinks I should have. I’m 19, and the guy I’m seeing right now just might be the one, but he only wants 2 or 3 kids. 🙂 We’ll see! 😉

      2. I can relate. My inlaws are completely unsupportive. I was told to abort if he had Downs, two was enough, you don’t need anymore, MIL speaking, “I was smart I stopped at two.” The list goes on and one. I have six now. I have five boys and one little girl. I get a lot of the you must have your hands full. I say yes, but my heart is much fuller. My inlaws still make comments of you know what causes that. I finally spoke up and said yup and we are darn good at it apparently. We are happy. We home school, and we raise our own food. It is a good life. Maybe I will be blessed with another. I don’t know. I surely would not mind.

        1. Wow, that’s sad. I have a brother with Downs and couldn’t imagine the thought of killing him because of his chromosome count. Let me just be on the record saying, if you have a child with Down Syndrome, do not abort them. There’s nothing more abominable in my eyes than the practice of abortion, but even then there’s a special place for those who choose to abort simply because of a handicap. I’m glad you have the sense to ignore bad advice.

          1. I absolutely don’t agree with aborting a child because of a handicap. However, I have come to see that not everyone who does believe in doing so feels the way they do for selfish reasons. I know people, especially in the older generation or in other countries (but also here, and now), who have seen so much mistreatment and mockery of handicapped children that they feel they could not in good conscience bring a child into that kind of suffering – better they be in heaven. Personally I don’t agree; however, it has been eye-opening to me, because I had always assumed that such people simply don’t want to be bothered with caring for a handicapped child. But that is not always the case; it’s easy to judge, but we don’t always know people’s reasons like we think we do.

  8. I love your “Opposite World” posts. Please keep them coming! We need to be thinking from a Biblical perspective!

  9. This is a beautiful reminder. I once heard that children do not get in the way of your work; they are your work. I try to keep this in mind when I am at home during the day 🙂

    Also, it is so true that the world puts such little value on children. It makes it even harder to be a mom. In reality, we should be praising mothers and offering support. So sad to see that it is just the opposite.

    I am pregnant with our 2nd right now, and I am due at the end of May, and since the beginning of this pregnancy (and especially when we found out it was a boy – we had a girl first), people keep asking us if we are done. I just smile and say, “I hope not! But it’s up to God.” People usually just smile back – I hope they are thinking good thoughts!

  10. Spoke straight to my heart!
    I think it’s terrible how i’ve allowed other people to chime in with the amount of children my husband and I should have. When I now understand, it’s not up to us, it’s up the Lord who will blesses us with the amount he had in mind for our family. Thank you for writing this one out Courtney!<3

  11. Oh my how I needed this post tonight! We just put our 6 children to bed for the night and literally said “Phew, another day in the books!” I’ve been feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. Our children are 8,7,5,4,2, and 10 months. We get ALL the annoying/rude/inappropriate comments and questions. We are a Side show when we go out in public. People count heads. I’ve heard one person turn to her friend and say, “I’d kill myself if that was me.” But we know we are blessed. These babies are precious. Thank you for this post to remind me of that!

    1. Mandy, my kids are almost the exact same ages as yours except my oldest is 9. I know how you feel! People were so rude to me when I was pregnant with my 6th and even after. The worst comments came from family. Now they joke around and seem to expect that we will have more.

      1. I’m so happy for you ladies with so many children. I hope that can be me one day. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and 1 stillborn baby and am now pregnant with our 4th baby. Children are such a blessing from the Lord and I am so thankful for each child we have been blessed with even though we have none to care for yet. We strongly believe that this child will make it and we will be able to raise her! Don’t take your children for granted, there are many of us that would like to be in your shoes!

        1. Kirsten, I come in agreement with you today, God protect and preserve this little one in the womb and bring her forth at the appointed time to live and serve you all of her days and bless these parents who have trusted you and continued to have faith in trying times, Lord may you reward them with many more children. Amen
          Ex 23:25 And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.
          There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfill.

        2. Kirsten, I have a friend who required hormone therapy to conceive and carry each child to term. If your doctor hasn’t explored this possibility with you, ask.
          And Amen to Abigail’s prayer.

      1. I am also pregnant with our 5th and our oldest is 6 too! Glad to know I’m not alone – even though people in Opposite World sometimes make it seem like you must be a circus side show! I worked with a friend at a yard sale recently and a man asked if this was my first or 2nd and when I said 5th, I think he said something about “being crazy.” My friend (who is single and doesn’t have children) said “Just smile and nod, right?”

    2. You are blessed indeed! Your hard work will pay off in the end…and one day you’ll look back and miss these hard days…keep it up! 🙂

    3. I have six children too and have had many commnets when people count how many get out of our vehicle. My husband and I have never doubted that children are indeed a blessing. Yes, we get tired, but that never changes our minds. Children are a joy and a gift. God has plans for each one and it is precious to train them and see as God stirs up the gifts He placed within them.

      1. I second what Rebecca said – “some of us are counting because we’re happy to see you.”
        I have an 8 month old son, and my husband and I hope to have many more, despite pressure from our families to conform to the societal norm of two children. I am an organist at a Catholic parish, and it gives me great joy to look out into the pews on Sunday mornings and see moms and dads with 4, 5, 6, or more kids, all sitting in the front. Their families are beautiful, and typically some of the best behaved children in church.

    4. I count. I want a large family and I have no examples in my life to show me how to manage a large family in public (or at home). I count because large families make me happy and I want to imagine myself in that mother’s place. What will it be like when I have that many sweet children trailing after me, pulling naughty things off the shelves?

      Please don’t let the negative comments get you down. Some of us are counting because we’re happy to see you.

      1. Rebecca I would dare to say that counting with a sweet smile or nice comment is not the problem, but unfortunately it usually comes with a look of concern or judgment. I just gave birth to our 6th and our oldest just turned 9 a month before she was born so we get a lot of comments. However the people who count or ask with a smile or encouraging words or they themselves had a “large” family and it brings back memories for them do not bother me. =)

        As for comments made to us, we have had the “do you know what causes it”, “better you than me”,
        ‘I would go crazy”, but when we announced our 6th pregnancy my dad made it clear he did not agree with our choice to have more kids…I heard him out for a few and then I finally asked him which one of your kids would he like for us to get rid of? Of course he said none, and that’s not what he meant. I simply replied that we felt like each of our kids was ablessing and we want a large family, he didn’t really have anything to say then…

    5. We have a 8,7,6,4,2, and twin 1 year olds. I would encourage mommies in this stage to look at the comments from strangers as a way to minister both to your children and to the stranger. Most people don’t mean half of what they say. They just are so unfamiliar with such a sight that they blurt out whatever they have heard someone else say. There are unfortunately the very deceived ones with just down right rude comments too. However, even these need to see the joy in your face and smile of your lips as you sweetly praise God for your blessings. Your children also need to see you not cringing at every comment or ducking away. Be careful of the message you are sending them too. Praise God infront of them for them. You never know who you might impact with your obvious joy and peace. I have had people come up to me and tell me, ” I see you here often and I have been watching you. I love seeing you with your children.” I am as flawed as a mother can be, but thankfully God has allowed them to see some good from Him as they watched. Let us use this opportunity to be savory salt so the world will want to know more of our source.

      1. Right on Laura! Your comments are right on the money. I’m expecting #4 now (oldest is 6) and have had mostly positive comments from strangers and family alike. But you’re so right about using the negative as an opportunity to witness to strangers and to our own children.

    6. Mandy, I had 6 children in 8 years with 2 miscarriages. All of mine were C-sections! I tried to have the first two natural, but the doctors said that I have a heart shaped pelvic bone. People just kept making comments, but I LOVED being pregnant. I miss that time, as my baby is now 9 and my oldest is 17. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday that I was feeling just like you Mandy, exhausted from running after kiddos! But they have been the BEST thing that has happened to me!! May God continue to bless each one that has children, even if it is only one, and that we bring them up in this world so that they may know of Him!!

    7. Mandy, don’t let it bother you. I have 8 children. We are missionaries in Thailand, and I learned to count in Thai by hearing people count my kids! It used to really bother me. What bothered me the most was the negative comments. I didn’t want my kids to feel like they were just a burden, so I prayed for God to show me how to respond to the comments. When people would say, “you’ve got your hands full”, I always just said, “it’s a good kind of full”. I often felt so overwhelmed with caring for everyone, and then the sad day came that they started leaving home. First our daughter went to America for college 2 years ago, and then our oldest son got married this past December. I thought it would be so strange only having 6 at home. Then as we traveled home from his wedding, we had a tragic car accident. My 12 year old son and 9 year old daughter went home to Heaven that night. Now how I wish I could hear people counting to 8 when they see our kids. How I long to be too busy caring for my little ones. With only four at home, the house seems too big and quiet. My 11 year old is so lonely without his brother and sister. So, when people comment negatively and the day seems too difficult, just remember how blessed you are! We don’t really know how long we will get to enjoy our little treasures. They will soon grow up. Just enjoy them!

      1. Kristi, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will bring you and your family His comfort and peace as you wait for your reunion in heaven. I never got to see my son before he left this earth. Although I love the children I have now and I am grateful for my life and would not want to leave it, sometimes the waiting feels like too much to bear. It is in those moments that God reminds me how short our earthly life will seem from the other side of eternity. I pray that He will bless you with more of His presence and strengthen you when this feels like too heavy of a weight to carry. Thank you for sharing your story.

  12. One of the things I find the most interesting about people “putting off” parenthood so they can fulfill their dreams, is how much they are limiting themselves!

    My husband and I are in college right now, with two young kids. Yes, it’s harder but it’s not impossible! We still travel a lot, even with kids. I still get to be involved in church activities.

    I still get to have all the experiences I dreamed of, provided I properly manage my time and make sure my family comes first. The only difference is, I have more people to share these experiences with than I did before I got married and had my kids.

    People are so worried that children will limit them, when really they are limiting themselves when they say “kids have to wait, so I can enjoy myself.”

    Thanks for your encouraging words! I had my first at 21, and so many people shook their heads at me for choosing parenthood so early. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

    1. I understand and commend your ability to raise a family so young but its not always possible for everyone. A lot of people don’t meet their spouses so young or have the finical backing to make it possible. I have endometrioses and was told I should have children early or I would never have children. As God planned, I met a man who already had two children from a previous marriage and I thought it was divine intervention. I had already decided that I would adopt if I could not have children of my own. Being a mother means more than biology to me and I had made peace with my decision. Than one unexpected day we found out I was pregnant and I feel very blessed and overjoyed. My daughter turns 1 in two days and I had her a 28 and she my miracle baby. We are still considering adoption because it just feel right to use. I have come to believe that people should not rush life or the gifts it may bring you but trust in Gods plan. If women or families want to wait or not to wait to have a family than they should do what feels best for them.

      1. As we try to swing the pendulum back a bit from the decades of “get your life in order before having kids”, we need to be careful to differentiate between the idea of deliberately choosing to hold off on child-bearing, and the understanding that there are some for whom God has another plan. It is just as detrimental to swing too far in the other direction, making women who haven’t found a spouse yet or who are unable to conceive right away feel unnecessary guilt and frustration. It is just as wrong to cause a young person to feel pushed to marry early solely for the sake of starting a family as it is to discourage them from marrying as early as they feel is right for them. I believe the best we can do for young people is to equip them to feel God’s nudging in their lives and allow them the freedom to act accordingly.

        1. I agree, Lesa. It’s hard for me to read large family blogs and posts about having lots of kids because I suffered many miscarriages in my early 20s — no explanation. I suffered deep depression and struggled for many, many years (oh! How I wish I had a godly mentor, an older woman who could have helped me through that time and to battle fear and trust in the Lord. How I wish we had been in a church that fed us and really believed in the goodness of God and his power!) God gave us our miracle when I was 38 years old, she is 3 1/2. I see posts from moms with many kids and my heart just breaks — I wanted it so much and feel as though my time has passed (I struggled again with postpartum depression after my daughter was born, and wasn’t ready right away to try for more kids.)

          1. Kim I know exactly how you feel. I always wanted at least 4 kids if not more. My husband and I got married young but waited until he was done with college to have children. We started trying when I was 26. After 4 years of infertility and 4 miscarriages I was finally able to carry a baby to term. Sadly that pregnancy was a heterotopic pregnancy. I had one baby in my uterus and one in my right tube. My tube burst and I had emergency surgery. I am so thankful that the baby in my uterus was unharmed and my miracle baby arrived 7 months later. When he was 3 years old I became pregnant again, this time without the help of doctors. At 10 weeks I was in terrible pain and went to the er. The baby was in my other tube and it had burst. I had emergency surgery. I had lost my 6th baby and now I was barren too. I don’t know why God chose this life for me and there are many days that I’m just heartbroken that my son won’t have siblings or i wont have that daughter i always dreamt of. But I try to focus on the hope I have that one day I will see and hold those 6 sweet babies.

      2. Thank you so much for this. While I would have loved to have started a family younger, I didn’t meet the right man until recently, and now I’m 29, and we’re getting married. It’s much later than I’d planned, but I’m so glad that I didn’t jump the gun with the possessive depressed guy who made me feel bad for having friends, for working, or even for visiting my parents, or the guy who followed him, who didn’t care about offending people and made me feel bad for caring about others’ feelings.

        I think it’s just as unproductive to make normative claims in the other direction. I still want a large family, and I hope it’s possible for me now that I’ve finally found the man who is surely, so clearly, and so wonderfully meant for me, and who will be the most loving and amazing father.

        1. The same thing happened to me. I didn’t meet the right guy until I was 30, so we got a late start. After trying for a year we had one when I was 32, one at 34, one at 36 and now I’m expecting my 4th at 38. A late start doesn’t always mean you can’t squeeze in a bigger family. Also after spending my 20’s wanting to have children and be married SO badly, I’m extra grateful for my sweet sweet children.

          1. I to am grateful. I had my first beautiful baby girl at 37, then miscarried two babies that I can’t wait to meet in heaven one day, had my second baby boy at 40 and my third miracle baby boy at 43. I prayed for a wonderful husband and God answered, I prayed for children and God answered. My husband was fifty when our last baby was born, conceived after his dad’s 50th birthday party …..(We call him the gift that keeps on giving. ) I have been told what wonderful “grandchildren” we have and I just smile and say thank you they are a blessing. We home school and my husband works from home so he can be with our children too during the day. I love spending all day,everyday with my kids. It makes me sad when parents dread summer break and vacations because their kids will be home all the time. I pray they will see their kids as a gift from God and not as a burden to their busy lives.

    2. I had my first at 21, second at 23, third at 26, and the fourth is due in September. We, too, went through college with babies (a couple times) and while it is more challenging, it can be done. Now, with that said, I still have not finished my degree, but my husband has two masters and is currently serving the Lord as a pastor. God is good, even when times are tough. Faith and prayer has kept us going through the harder times. Praise be to God!

  13. Amen! I married at 20 and had five babies between 21 and 37. Honestly, I think that most people just don’t think about how the things they say really come across to others. They are usually trying to be amusing, I suppose, but it does get tiresome hearing the same old lines. Add to it that we have FIVE BOYS and people start assuming that we must have been trying for a girl to keep having so many. I get sympathy comments about having “only” boys and comments such as “Five boys? Oh my! Bless your heart!” To which I reply, “Yes, they do!” 🙂

    1. I loved this article! God has richly blessed us. We have seven sons, have lost a little girl who is waiting for us in heaven, and are expecting again…due in about a week (not sure if this one is a boy or girl, but doesn’t matter! 🙂 The looks and comments that we get when we go out…swimming, grocery shopping, etc. usually make me laugh. “Wow! Are all these boys all yours?” “Do you do a lot of babysitting?” But as long as I can say to them that they are blessings from the LORD, and that HE has given me the strength to raise them, then I feel that I have witnessed of HIS power and ultimate plan in our lives. <3 Hugs to all you brave mamas!

    2. I have 4 boys, 9,7, 3, 15 months and people keep asking me if we are going to try again ‘for a girl’ I would love to have a girl, but I feel very blessed with my boys and if we have another baby it will be because we want, and feel called to have another baby, not because I’m chasing a girl. I have started to tell people that I have nieces and so I spoil them when I see a cute dress I just have to buy. Also I like being queen of my castle 😉

  14. When I was pregnant with #4 I was excited, but when I told my mum all she could say was, “I’m happy for you but have some concerns,” and went on to list them all. The main concern she had was because my eldest son has autism and a developmental delay of a 2.5 year old (he is 6). She’s a Christian and I just wish she could have been truly happy, remembered that children are indeed a wonderful blessing, and brought her concerns to God, instead of to me. I’ve since had #4 (our first girl) and would still like more. My husband isn’t sure, so please pray for him that he’ll be more open to the idea. I keep reminding him that “where God guides, He provides” because he starts to worry about finances, a larger vehicle etc.
    When people tell me I have my hands full, I tell them that my heart is even fuller. That usually stops some of the negativity.

    1. Maybe God was speaking to you through her? Maybe she did take her concerns to God and God told her to speak to you about them.

      At least she is involved in your life and cares for you.

  15. I’m pregnant with blessing #5……….after starting our marriage with 6 years of primary infertility. Each new positive pregnancy test now is an absolute delight. I often think back to the days when my arms were empty and I longed to be pregnant just once.

    Now we get all the negative comments. It absolutely amazes me that people are so negative, and so open about their distaste for large families.

    I figure if God calls children a reward (which He does!), I’m not going to refuse them. Many people ask me if we’re done after this one………because you know, I’m almost 34…..”ancient” to be having another………and when I shrug and say I’d welcome as many more as God sends, their expressions are priceless.

    Anyway, loved your post. 🙂

    1. Melody, that is a wonderful story!! I didn’t meet my husband until I was 33, so our first daughter was born when I was 34. 🙂 Our 2nd daughter was born 18 months later,and then due to my husband losing his job and a major move to another state, I didn’t get pregnant again until last year. I miscarried at 9 weeks. Thank the Lord, I am now expecting again – 3-1/2 months along – and so looking forward to welcoming another precious baby into our household! I am 42. I would like to have had more, but am so happy for the ones the Lord has blessed me with!! It truly is sad how many people have adopted the world’s viewpoint of just one or two. Enjoy your precious children and I pray you have a safe pregnancy with this one!!! 🙂

    2. Rebecca ( mine is expecting #4) your post reminded me of a pastor who said,” Children seem to be the only gift from God that man rejects.”
      My daughter has 11, 37 yrs to 16 yrs. and my son has 3, and I have 14 grands and 6 greats, and 3 more on the way. I am jubilant! Love all these babies and children and young adults. I am an only child. God has really blessed me. Looking unto Jesus Heb 12:2,

    3. I just happened upon this blog and whoa, what beautiful mothers I’m hearing! I am now 56, a mother of 6, and down to one “child” in the house – our son who will turn 16 this week. There were crazy, exhausting days, unorganized, busy days, sleepless nights because of fevers, nightmares, fears….AHHHH, but there were those beautiful eyes sparkling at us EVERY day, those wonderful giggles, hilarious remarks and questions (“Mom, do “nakes” hop? He was trying to say “snakes”!)…..there was laundry and sticky fingers, Mickey Mouse in the VCR player, there were prayers and teaching them about Jesus (or TRYING to – many, many interruptions at prayer time!) What an amazing time it was…and now QUITE quiet in our house! I wondered, many times, if I was going to get through this fatigue, this pregnancy, the constant busyness, the doubts and fears….and you know what? We, with our gracious GREAT God, almost have this family raised! They are wonderful young people -ages 28, 26, 23, 21, 20 and 16. If I had to do it over again, I’d trust more, play more, not be so particular about the house. Keep your eyes on Jesus, beautiful Moms; He will get you through! P.S. I heard the saying, pertaining to parenting, once: “Rules without Relationship = Rebellion” Loved that one! Keep on talking to those pre-teens and teens, have fun, joke around and stay interested in their lives!! Blessings, all!

  16. We’re working on adopting #4, and several people have made it pretty clear that they think we’re nuts. Good thing I’m not too concerned about what they think! Thanks for writing this series – I have loved it.

  17. I am currently expecting #2. I haven’t really received a lot of negative comments per se, but I have received comments because we are having a boy (our first was a girl) and that it’s perfect because we now have one of each. We definitely want to have more kids … I am very thankful to have friends that are currently expecting #4 or #5. In many ways I wish we had started earlier, but due to my career choice it wasn’t really an option (as it was, our first was earlier than we had planned but we wouldn’t trade her for anything). Children are such a blessing.

    1. The same thing happened to us. We had a boy then a girl. One lady from our church, who oddly enough wanted more kids but couldn’t because of medical issues, said “One of each, now you can be done.” Can be? Oh what a relief I don’t have to “go through” pregnancy and caring for another baby again?? What if I would have had another boy? Should I not have been happy with the blessing God gave me? I replied with,” Oh I hope not.” God knows exactly what will fit with our family. It could be one boy and three girls, or five of each, or maybe we will stay a family of four. No matter what, it will be perfect for us.

    2. Our first was a girl, the second a boy, so we heard that same comment — now you have one of each. My response then & now (20 years later) is that they’re not salt and pepper shakers; I don’t need one of each! Ironically, we now have 3 sets of salt & pepper shakers (so to speak)! Because half of ours are adopted, and we live in “Amish country,” we don’t get much of the criticism, and certainly not the head-counting (there are LOTS of big families out here).

  18. Despite sleepless nights and days, being a mom is the best thing I have ever done. I didn’t wait by choice, God made the choice for me. I had my child at 37. I would gladly welcome another at 44 if He gave us one. Its the best and most rewarding “career” on the planet! Just a side note, most people have a problem with us having only one. The “magic” number must be somewhere between one and three. 🙂

  19. Reading this post was such an encouragement to me! I have 4 children, ages 5, 3, 2, & 11 months, and we get all those comments. Our life has never been “easy”, but they are each a blessing and precious gift from God.

  20. Oh that makes me so very sad. Children are a gift from God and being pregnant is the most amazing blessing. If I could have had 100 children, I would have. I would have suffered the morning sickness, the pain, the heartburn, all of it just to feel the miracle of life growing inside of me. Pregnancy and parenthood are proof of His grace and love and power. If you’re pregnant, be boldly pregnant. If you’re a new mother, listen to your intuition; God is whispering in your ear. If in this thing called motherhood, you hear Opposite World telling you things that don’t feel right to your heart, then listen instead to the Word: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2.

  21. Wonderful post!! We have 5 and the comments are hurtful. But I have to say that as of late I have had a lot of people say how awesome it is. They stop to compliment the kids and overall have had positive things to say. So there are people out there that are supportive. Sadly they are just few and far between.

  22. Thank you so much for this. This is what I needed to hear. My husband and I have 3 children and people, even family have made the comments about us being done and not having more children and how would we handle them, because our family outings can be crazy. But we want more. We like that things can be crazy and we can get loud. Our children are with us such a short time. We want to bring more children into this world for God’s glory. If it is His will then it shall be. It’s very hard to hear comments about having more and then coming from family is even harder. Thank you for doing what God has laid on your heart. It is such a blessing.

  23. Oh Courtney, I needed this tonight.

    I had my first when I was just 18 (two weeks after high school graduation) and my second when I was 23. My husband and I have been working our rear ends off trying to get to a “stable” place. I have a college degree, but have opted out of the work-force to be a stay-at-home mom. We are constantly facing others our age (we’re both 27) who have waited to start families and have their own homes, financial “security”, and seem to have it all together.

    I’ve had the urge to have another child (or maybe more), but we are hesitant because we’re STILL trying to buy our first home, etc. Just tonight, my husband and I discussed whether or not it’s BEST to have more kids, when there are so many things we’re trying to accomplish personally & professionally.

    It’s such a difficult thing to live in a world that doesn’t understand His heart, and even harder not to conform.

    1. Keep your head up. God supplies everything in his time. With every child I had ( I have 5 on earth) our living situation seemed to get worse and worse. The month I found out I was pregnant with #5 was the month we signed papers for the house we are buying on a 15 yr owner carry contract. God supplies ALL our needs. I have had negative reactions from people starting with my 1st. I had him a few weeks after I turned 19, I was told my life was over. I have gotten one negative comment after the other, the worst of them was with #4 when my husband was told he should punch me in the stomach and be done with it. We stopped telling people about the pregnancies at that point. I have PCOS and was told at 15 I would not have children, I have 3 in heaven and went through 3 yrs of infertility between my 1st and 2nd child. The comments are hurtful and finances can be hard. But if you are faithful to God he is faithful to you. It amazes me that the same people who give some of the worse comments are some of the first to tell you they are sorry when you lose a baby. I watch my 5th baby and her personality amazes me completely. I could not imagine my life without her. my babies are 10, 6,5,3,1. I consider each one a blessing and a miracle. We experienced our 3rd miscarriage here 2 weeks ago and thankfully have gotten nothing but support. I feel I need more support through pregnancy as I know where my angel babies are and that they are forever safe in the Fathers hands. Pray without ceasing and trust God in all things. To God be the power and the glory forever!

    2. you are so wise to think about the facts in front of you. don’t feel pressured to do anything like anyone else. you and your family are yours to make decisions about. don’t feel like you have to have kids now OR that you have to wait. do what is right for you and yours. the children that you have NOW are more important than the children you might have in the future. make sure the ones you have with you now are going to be provided for and safe before all else.

      God does provide, He provides finances AND common sense. thanks for being a sane voice here.

  24. AMEN Courtney! Thank you for being so bold and sharing with us! I started having children right away but listened to the LIES of this world and my husband had a vasectomy. We regret it terribly!!!!! We look back and wish we would have searched Gods word not mans. We are by Gods Grace seeking a reversal thru the Lords Heritage Ministry…. If anyone has also made this mistake please contact this amazing ministry for support and funding from like minded Christians!

  25. My husband and I are looking forward to spending 49 years in our marriage. God gave us so much fruit (7) to be exact. Four daughters and three sons. They are the joy of our life. People would always come back and say, “How can you afford them?” I would always come back and say, “How much is enough?” People have the tendency to think their children need the most expensive clothes, toys and education. Actually all they need is lots of love and food. My children never went hungry or naked even though my husband was a pastor and money was not plentiful.
    I would take the children for their doctor’s visit and would be encouraged to take pregnancy prevention classes as if I did not know how they got there.. God tells us in His Word that Children are the heritage of the Lord. How better to build more Christians than to have them.
    Today, all of my children and their mates and children serve and love the Lord. What a better legacy to leave this world than this.

  26. We have 5 (ages 12, 10, 6, 4, 2) & our 6th baby due in May. I often feel like we are here for people’s amusement & disgust only. Heaven forbid something go wrong or one of them cry when we are shopping too…that’s when we really get the obvious stares & countless rude comments. Just a few weeks ago my littlest dropped a jar of jelly on the concrete floor at the store…the whispers & stares were hard to ignore. It’s hurtful. BUT, that being said…I feel sorry for the people who miss out on the blessings that come with children because they choose not to trust God’s plan for them …whether it be 1 child, many children, adopted, fostered or natural. For now, just trying to live how HE wants us to live. I’m NOT going to stop taking ALL my kids to the store or to the library because others think I have too many or that we are too noisy or whatever. I love my bigger than most family & I’m so very thankful for them!!

  27. I’m currently 13 weeks into my first pregnancy with twins. I’m 25 years old and just recently married in June 2012. This wasn’t planned but I had stopped my birth control for medical reasons so we all know how this happened. I’m very excited, as is my husband and most of my family. I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates gettings remarks like “Wonder how that happened?” Or “Did you plan for 2?”. God has a plan for our lives and sometimes others don’t like the way it fits into theirs. My boss is a little upset that I plan on taking 12 weeks maternity leave in November. From the day I found out I was pregnant, my first concern has been and will continue to be my babies. Some people are just too hung up on degrees and careers, but what does any of that mean of you don’t have a family to share it with. And in your case, you had no clue at 18 that you wouldn’t be able to have any more kids after 29. Well said 🙂

  28. This is timely bc I just found out I’m pregnant with number 4 and the negative reactions (from family) have already started. :/

  29. Courtney, I was one who bought into the “kids? Someday…” mentality. I knew I wanted kids, but I was too busy being in my twenties, and didn’t have a husband, and didn’t want the responsibility. Partly, I think I was scared of failing my children the way my mother failed me. When I met my forever husband, just shy of 10 years ago, and we fell pregnant 3 weeks after our wedding (we lost those babies, twins, very early on), I was still scared, but ready to trust God. We had our first baby in 2006, followed by babies in 2008, 2010, and 2011. The last one was a complete surprise for us, as I’d felt so strongly that our family was complete. But there we were, with a 7 month old baby, and one on the way. The prevailing negative responses were something I felt I couldn’t handle until I had my own heart and mind in the right space. So we didn’t tell anyone for ages. Even those who love us dearly, reacted with almost horror. Mainly from a place of concern, as I was struggling with managing three children. But here we are, and all of my babies are an absolute gift. My body is broken from bringing them into this world, and they are absolutely worth it. I wish I had started earlier, but I also recognise that God had to bring me to Him before I could be entrusted with these precious gifts.

    1. I like what you said about (God had to bring you to Him before you could be entrusted with those precious gifts). if there was a like button I would have clicked it..lol

      1. Thank you, Jessica. I’m glad my four babies have a Jesus-loving mama. Imperfect, human – but a mama who strives to walk with Jesus and isn’t afraid to seek forgiveness for her sins.

  30. Love this post Courtney! Derek and I got so many comments while I was recently pregnant with #4. They would of course ask us if it was a boy or girl and when we would reply that it was our 4th girl they would say to Derek “Oh I am so sorry…you poor thing!” We LOVE our girls though and cannot stand when someone says that to us. Now the question is “Are you going to try again for a boy?” Someone even asked me that in the hospital the day I had Lainey!! Lol. Anyways…thanks for this post! I love being pregnant and I love our 4 girls and I would gladly have more!! Children most definitely ARE a reward from God!! 🙂

    1. Kristy, I get the same type of comments but I am pregnant with our fourth boy! People will ask me if I’m disappointed that this baby is a boy but I tell them I’m thrilled. I figure that God thinks I’m hormonal enough for the whole family. No need for another girl! 😉

  31. Hi Courtney,

    I get negativity ALL of the time!!! I am a happy mama of 5; my 5th was born almost 5 weeks ago. My 4th was born 16 months ago, so you know people in “Opposite World” look at me like I’m looney. Even before that, when we had 3 and I was pregnant with #4, the question I got all the time was, did you just always want a big family??? What made it worse in their eyes was that my husband and I decided we would begin homeschooling while I was 5mo. pregnant with #4. So people really thought I was from Mars–here I was happy to be having a 4th child and thrilled to be at home with all of my children all day. Shocker!! What they couldn’t see is that I’d had a miscarriage before I conceive child #4. What they didn’t know is that 2 of our children had been in public school and we were so glad God showed us a different way. They had no idea.

    I think you have adequately captured what has become a frequent encounter in my life. I VERY rarely can go out of my home without someone questioning me: Are you finished having kids? What were you thinking? I bet you have your hands full, huh? Are all of these kids yours? Are you trying to make a baseball team? soccer team? basketball team? . . . .and on and on it goes. The worse part is that these conversations always take place in front of my children. These people are questioning their existence IN FRONT OF THEM!!! I want to scream: My children can hear you!!!!!!!

    I often have to whisper quick, fervent prayers that the Lord would season my tongue because my children are also waiting to see what I’ll say. I try to be kind, I try to smile, I try to respond with something like: Children are a gift and when God gives us a gift we say “thank you.” But the truth is, sometimes I fail. It is hard to be ridiculed when all I want to do is go to the library or pick up groceries. But with all that said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am so thankful to God for the way He’s blessed me as a mom.

    1. I homeschool too, they really do look at you like your crazy. I love to have all the time with my babies. 5 might seem like a lot to some people but it just doesn’t seem like very many to me, I find myself counting heads all the time thinking their all there, good! Wait, that doesn’t seem like enough really thats five, that’s it?!

  32. I get many of these comments having my 3 small children ages 5, 3, and 20months. I was also very young when I got married and then when we were pregnant with our first. Married 10 days after I turned 18, had my first baby girl 5 months before my 20th birthday. I went to college during this time, graduated a few weeks before my second was born. I love the comment that was made about limiting yourself by thinking that you will be limited by children. My kids are most definitely a huge part of my calling. I have always known I wanted to be a mom ( I begged my parents to adopt a baby for me, to be my baby, when I was about 8). While I have other hopes and dreams, my children are my first. I’m not done having children and while it can get annoying at times I try to give others the benefit of the doubt and keep my answers honest and loving towards those who like to comment. I often get, “she’s got her hands full” not always said in the kindest of ways and I reply “yes I do, but there’s never a boring moment and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

  33. Ditto to hearing the “you know what causes that right?” After 3 babies in 3 years. As though no one would ever do that on purpose! Lol!

  34. Yes! Amen! I totally agree! At 19, as the oldest of 13 single birthed, biological siblings (plus two angle babies), I’ve heard every “joking” insult in the book! It’s very rude and disrespectful to hear people make negative comments about children! Lord willing, I would LOVE to get married and have my first child (in that order) in the next few years! ♥ Not because I am from a big family, but because we’re women, like it or not, that’s what most of us were made for! (Granted God did make some women so that they remain single and/or childless, but most were made to be wifey’s and mommies!)

    1. You don’t know how much I needed that Brittany! I started reading this article and the posts from it. My sister has 6 children and my brother has 4, but I’m the single one in the family. I look at people that have families and sometimes wish I could be blessed like them. I don’t understand people who are negative about pregnant women–God designed each of us for a special plan, and each child is a gift from God. Futhermore, God has a special plan for each child He has created. Shame on us and others who make jokes and put down women who are fulfilling God’s calling for them by having children!

  35. I was blessed with four living children..I lost 2. I would not have changed anything. I did not start my family until I was 28 but because of medical reasons. I use to go shopping with them and my niece and nephew who were the same ages as 2 of mine. People would always tell me I was brave to do that. My thought was I always do it with 4, 2 more is not any harder. I believe that God blesses us with all of our children and we should take them with us all the time and enjoy them.

  36. When I was pregnant with my fourth, I told this lady that my husband works with excitedly about the news. I figured she would congratulate us, but she looked at me disgusted. I dont remember what she said but it had something to do with ruining my husbands dreams of ever moving to the wilderness. I told her that he was with me when it happened…lol…I didnt do this to him or by myself. I said it jokingly but it really hurt my feelings. My husband and I married with two children of our own and then had two together. I feel overwhelmingly blessed and so undeserving and yet there is a part of me that yearns for more. I love being a mom and a wife (even though I am so not the mom and wife I would like to be yet) I love homeschooling our children. Another thing is that my husband is a lot older than me. His two are grown up and living on their own. I feel that people look at as weird because of my husband being so much older. I feel they look at us even more so (disapproving) that we have two little ones. I feel like the option of having more is out of the question only because of his age. I dont like the option taken away sort of speak but I am grateful for the ones we have. The joy they bring soo out weighs the not so fun stuff of motherhood.

    1. You do not always need to feel like your husbands age is going to stop you. If He plans it, it will happen. My step dad became a new dad at the young age of 61. He is 21 years my moms elder. I am so glad that my little sister is here. If more kids is in His plan for you, age cannot stop Him. He will let you both know when you have are “done”.

  37. This breaks my heart to read this! Children are nothing short of an amazing blessing! I found myself with a surprise blessing at age 42. My oldest was grown with two of her own children and my youngest at the time was in high school. I got such negative comments from most and it sometimes broke my spirit. The worst thing someone ever said to me was “I would just kill myself if I was you”. So sad…… I call my bundle of energy my surprise blessing! She is almost 5 now and loves Jesus so much, and I know he is head over heels about her!

  38. I love this post! I have 6 children, ages 13, 11, 9, 7, 3, and 7 months. The kids are used to the stares and comments unfortunately. Every now and then we hear a positive comment which is encouraging. I bought into the lies of “opposite world,” for awhile, even finishing my college degree with small children because I was told that I would be crazy not to. What foolishness. If you are a mother, that IS your high calling, and what an amazing calling it is. I’m in awe that God would entrust these precious little souls to me on this earth to lead and guide.

  39. This article is amazingly truthful. I love blogs like this that speak with conviction. I recently wrote a post about what God has said about children as arrows in a quiver. I hope you don’t mind me placing a link to it here. I just think that it echoes exactly what your are saying and I’d love for you to read it and let me know what you think about it.

    I look at my girls often and as I stare into their faces, it brings so much joy to my soul that I literally thank them for coming to our family. They LOVE hearing that and will return a huge smile and a you’re welcome mom… I feel I was born to be a mom!!! I felt that when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and with my 2 year old under foot.

    Motherhood is an astronomical blessing! Period. Joyce Meyer said that there is no such thing as “just” a stay at home mom, she said that being a mother is a High Calling. She said that you could be raising the next world renowned Evangelist or the next quiet lover of people. How awesome of a privilege is that?

    Here is the link to that post. http://www.mommytheteacher.com/2013/01/are-your-children-arrows-in-your-quiver.html

    Stephanie

  40. I loved the story, but mine is different. People would ask us why we didn’t have children yet. Most not knowing that we were pouring all our time and money into infertility issues. It took us six years and no known cause was found. We spent most of our savings before we had our first son. We then miscarried and spent more money on treatments that did not work. God directed us to pursue adoption. When our oldest was almost 10, God blessed us with another son by adoption. Both our boys are gifts from God and we love them. We get comments all the time when people see that our boys are 10 years apart. Sometimes we tell them one is adopted and other times we just let them think what they want. Their comments do not bother us at all.

  41. Oh, Courtney, this post literally brought tears to my eyes. Right now I’m holding my sweet 6 week old, he’s my 5th child in 5 years and I’m 27 years old. I hear so many negative comments when I’m out in public, and truthfully many days I’m completely exhausted. This post was so encouraging. I know the Lord says children are blessings from him, but sometimes it’s hard not to listen to what the world says. Thank you for this post!

  42. I just had our 3rd son 12 weeks ago and while I was pregnant we had a lot of negative remarks. We have two wonderful sons and when people asked us if we knew what we were having, our reply was a boy! (Actually I still get this when they see the baby is a boy) To which we heard, “Another son”, “3 Boys”, “We will pray for you”, “Good Luck with that”, and my personal favorite ( that was sarcasm) “I’m so sorry for you.” These were all said with the tone of 3 boys = death or I wouldn’t wish that on my enemy. Yes, my husband and I would love to have a little girl but if its not meant for us I trust God in that choice, and I love each one of my son’s.

    1. I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd girl and I get those same comments!! And of course everyone asks if my husband is disappointed. As if he’s not going to love our third child as much as he does the other two because it’s another girl. I also get comments about paying for 3 weddings, etc. There’s plenty of time to be concerned about that, why not just enjoy the moments while they are little!! Plus, God has always provided for us so far, why would he stop providing now.

  43. I am a young Mum with 4 kids. I get looks and comments all the time about how I must be on drugs or stupid. People judge me without knowing anything about me. My husband and I have been together for 12yrs and best friends for 17yrs.
    When I was expecting our 4th (our 1st son), it felt like no one was excited. I would get comments like, ‘Again? Really?’ ‘Glutton for punishment?’
    No one came to appointments (apart for my husband), I felt like I was getting in trouble for wanting a big family.
    I have even had a stranger slap me on the arm when she found out my age and how many kids I have. I actually hesitate talking to nice people up the street because I fear their comments and reactions.
    Our family is happy and healthy, we are not perfect – the kids are like mini tornados, they run and play in mud and splash in puddles. But people forget that’s what we used to do, as a kid if you were clean then you weren’t having fun.
    Sometimes we are too loud, and the kids argue, but at the end of the day they would do anything for each other. They swap vegetables so no one has to eat the yucky ones, they help each other wash up and they motivate each other (and me too sometimes) when things seem too hard.
    We are Blessed and Thankful.

  44. When we had our third child, everyone it seemed, told us to either get my tubes tied or a vacestomy (sp) for my husband. We were young (25) and so we bought into it. My husband choose to do it as it was easier on his body then mine. Fast forward four years and I regreted it so completely. I would cry out to The Lord for forgiveness, healing , a miracle. I desperately wanted another child. I knew there were children that were missing from our family. Today I am forty and The Lord has lead us down the road of adoption through the Department of Social Services. I am grateful for my second chance.

  45. I love this post!! We have a two year old and an 8 month old, and I honestly thought we were done. But lately I have been looking at other extremely happy Christian women who have lots of kids and think, hmmm…maybe there is something to this lots of babies thing ? 😉 I do love babies and would have tons- but we are very limited in space. We have a two bedroom condo. We’re praying about it, but currently cannot decide whether to have more kids!!

    1. One of the most joyful families I ever met had 7 children living in a very small 3 bedroom house. The bedrooms were tiny, but they had 3 girls in one and 4 boys in the other. The living room had one couch ( if I remember right), and they managed to fit a table big enough for 9 plus guests in the small combined dining/kitchen area. I felt so loved and welcome in their home. The children were so kind and loved to serve. As they are all teens and early 20’s now, they travel worldwide together doing mission trips. The four oldest, just recently led a wonderful children’s program that my little ones got to be part of. I have 4 children under 5 yo, and sometimes I wish we had space for a homeschool room, or some other nicety, but then I think of that family and I know that space does not equal joy, love and togetherness do! And with creativity and God’s blessed provision for the children He loves, we have all that we need!

      1. Thank you for this. I need to remember this when I get anxious or impatient about moving to a bigger house. We have four girls 17 months, 4, 10, and 12 in one room. I often think that our homeschooling will go so much better when we move. Really it will just be more space to make messy! I will be grateful for the space but while I wait I will be grateful for the closeness.

    2. Just as encouragement, we have stretched our 1 bdrm house to be like a 2 bdrm and we have 5. it is a small space but it is comfortable and we are all happy including my ten year old who keeps asking when are we going to have another. 🙂

  46. Thank you for this. I do not have children yet but have always felt that my calling was to be two things; an accountant, and more importantly, a mother. I think what most hit home was the excerpt from Rachael about being a mother is a calling. I think that is what a lot of people (mostly family) don’t completely understand. It is not just the fact that I am wanting to “rush” into having children it is that I feel God is calling me to take a step back from what has kept my life more busy than it should be and invest in one of His most important gifts to us.

    I already have many comments to wait and to get some quality time with my husband and get the career sorted out and I needed this tonight to help know that I am not alone in the reality of this opposite world.

  47. We are blessed with 3 beautiful children and I have received many negative comments. The end of january we got pregnant with our 4th and no one was happy for us and then I miscarried and if that wasnt heartbreaking enough the comments that followed made it even worse. Children are such blessings from God.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss and all the negative comments. Just try and remember your sweet baby is not truly lost, and you will get to hold that precious child. I’m so sorry for your loss it is very hard, I have 3 with the Father myself… *hugs*

  48. I came from a family of 7 and whenever we went out we got all of those stares and comments when we exited the vehicle, but honestly we relished it. We couldn’t understand what people did when they only had one or two siblings. I am sure that people had many negative comments but we were happy and my mother never let it bother her. I am pregnant with #3 my other two kids are 2yr and 1yr and yes I do get all of those comments, especially when we say that we want to have as many children as God will allow. For the most part I think people don’t understand the joys of having and coming from a large family. Large families have different priorities and do different things out of necessity but that doesn’t make it bad. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, we wore hand me downs, we couldn’t go on fancy vacations but we had so much fun with each other that it didn’t matter that I didn’t have the newest gadget or trendiest clothes. I had he most amazing childhood and I hope I can give the same thing to my children (hopefully many children 🙂

  49. Thank you Courtney this was a great reminder for me. I have been married almost seventeen years and we have 4 children ages (6 1/2, almost 5, almost 3 and 7mo) and number 5 is on the way. My husband and I will both turn 41 this year. We tried for 8 years before having our first child (for us it was all about God’s timing, not our own). So I’m sure you can imagine the comments we get. Our response is always its all part of His plan.
    God Bless

  50. I hope me being a man posting on here does not offend or embarrass any of you ladies but I felt compelled to comment. I am impressed and inspired by your experiences and stories. When my wife and I married she was 19 and I was 24. She received snide comments about her age many times. We were ready for that commitment and didn’t see any reason to wait. Some even assumed we had to be getting married because she must be expecting. Nearly 10 years later I almost wish that was the case as some medical issues have as yet prevented us from becoming parents. One of the things that brought us together is that we both have a strong desire to have a family and we would have started right a way had it been God’s plan for us. We find the ‘opposite world” philosophy insulting and sad. I just don’t understand how anyone can not see how beautiful the whole experience can be. I can’t think of any greater blessing than to be a part of such an astonishing miracle. What a blessing ladies like you are! I have shared this this article and hope it ends up in front of a young woman’s eyes somewhere and it changes her perspective. Once again thank you.

    1. Thank you for your reply, I pray the Lord blesses you both with a family someday. And thank you for sharing the article!

    2. Thank you for your loving support of women doing their best to serve God in the best ways they can. God Bless.

  51. I was truly convicted tonight and truthfully a little fearful, but must remain trusting in God’s perfect plans for me and my husband. I am 27 years old and without children, married for 2 years. You see, I got pulled into the trap of lies before I ever left high school. My parents convinced me that a college degree was necessary and not just at any college but at a Christian University. Along with college came a ton of student loans which are costing more than a mortgage payment and so the chances of me staying home with children appear slim right now. One thing I know is that God is faithful and His provision is sufficient! I long to become a mother, hoping and dreaming of raising a family of our own. This article reminded me that waiting til the time is right is rather selfish and I am the one missing out on God’s biggest blessings.

    1. I am 28 and just got married almost a year ago. I wish I could have met & married my husband sooner, but we married within 8 months of the day we met. At first we thought we should wait for children but within only a couple months of marriage we went off the pill and decided to trust God’s timing. We are still anxiously ready to discover that a little one is on the way, but it hasn’t happened for us yet. My husband is in school right now, I still owe about $5000 in Student loans from my Christian college ($15,000 already paid off), and he owes about $12,000 in student loans as well. People have told us it would be wise to wait, but we are trusting God’s wisdom rather than the wisdom of this “Opposite World”.

      Until you find yourself expecting, throw yourself into paying off the loans. (I spent 3 years paying $500 a month and it paid off BIG TIME!) But trust that God’s timing is best, and He will always provide! It really will be okay if your little one arrives while you still have debt. The great thing about society today is that loans almost always consolidate, and you can almost always lower your payments. Yeah, it means you’re in debt for longer. But it also means that longer time can be a time a great joy and blessing!

  52. I’ve always wanted children but it took until I was 36 to have my first. I had to wait until God sent me a husband first. We were only married a month or 5 weeks when we found out I was pregnant. My daughter is 4 months old today. We are leaving it in God’s hands when we get pregnant again.

    I remember the negative comments people made about being pregnant and then about the birth. Only a few people had anything positive to say about birth, and natural birth at that. As horribly painful the contractions were I would do it all again. And tell others that even if they are painful you actually forget the pain. The body doesn’t remember it at all!

    Maybe today’s women can learn to curb their tongues and not pass on the negative to those coming up next. It would only really take one generation of women to stop it.

  53. I am just about 9yrs into my marriage and we don’t have children yet. I was told by doctors that I wouldn’t be able to have children without medical intervention, so 6yrs later after all kinds of meds and procedures, we decided it best to wait on God. When my husband and I got married (18 and 19) people just knew it had to be “shot gun” now I get the infamous “when are you guys going to have some kids”. Recently I was asked this same question with the soon following, you’re not getting any younger, wait any longer and you’ll be high risk. It bothers me when people try and place fear in my heart about pregnancy and motherhood. I firmly believe that children are a heritage and reward from God and I happen to think that pregnancy is one of the most beautiful gifts God could ever give to women. This is what keeps my mind focused. We’re always going to like in “opposite” world, but it is what we choose to allow to be planted in our hearts that will make roots… It would be nice if folks would keep their opinions to themselves, but the reality is they won’t.

  54. Oh my I had so many negative reactions to my first child. My husband and I choose to marry when we were 19 years old, and concieved my son at 20. I was in my senior year of college, and I did finish college and get my degree. However, I had so many looks, and “Babies making babies” comments. Sometimes it felt like I was some teeanage high school drop out due to pregnancy. However, it didn’t stop me. I’m now 23 and getting prepared to give birth to my second child. I am very thankful for my wonderful blessings. 🙂

  55. Amen & amen. Thank you Courtney so much for these words. I married ‘young’ (20) and waited until I was 25 to start trying to have children and was 26 when I gave birth to our first. I’m 27 now and think of the little ones God may have sent my way if I had been willing. I too see that many in my church do not truly see children as a blessing, but as an inconvenience. Thank you for being bold enough to stand up against opposite world. Wish I had been reading your blog when I was first married. =)

  56. There is so much glorification and idolatry of pregnancy in popular culture right now – not motherhood, but pregnancy. There is so much consumerism, fashion, beauty, celebrity news, etc associated with it, but not with mothering those babies afterwards. I almost feel like some of the downtalk and negativity we receive from people on pregnancies is some kind of reaction against this, because a lot of people are sick of seeing “baby bumps” glorified and given so much attention everywhere they turn, as if pregnancy is a mode for attention or a beauty accessory, rather than the natural family-building gift it really is.

  57. Opposite world- what a place…
    We have had six children. our first is waiting for us in Heaven and we celebrate her daily. she would be almost 11. My in-laws balked every time we said we were pregnant, yet were amazingly supportive, were there for each birth. But they were so influential over my husbands heart that he jumped at the chance to have a vasectomy while I was pregnant with #6 when they offered to pay for it. I still don’t want to admit that we are done having children- I love each of the gifts we have and I learn so much from them. But opposite world- even with the people you are closest to and love the most, can be a difficult place to live!

  58. My husband and I take care of a young pregnant girl who is giving her baby up for adoption. She believes that children are so precious that she sought to find the Christian couple that God had designed just for her little girl. She found them! We are thrilled and so thankful to be traveling this journey with her. We have four of our own and who knows what the Lord has in store for us? We’re open to the possibility of more. Let people talk all they want. If they’re watching the love in your family and the joy that Jesus brings, they’ll wonder what they’ve been missing (I’m not talking about those who are unable to have children, but those whose attitude is Opposite World-like).

    1. This is beautiful! My husband and I are of firm belief that if we are against abortion, we will also be open to adoption, and we will also reach out as much as we possibly can to those women who find themselves pregnant with an unplanned child. Whether single or married, and whether she decides to keep the baby or give up for adoption, we feel we are called to be a support system for those women! So grateful to see an actual example of that happening. We really haven’t seen that in the world around us.

      1. We adopted three infants to form our family, as we were infertile. Married at 18 and 20 yrs. old in the 1970’s, we waited 6 years for our first daughters birth. What joy and fulfillment to the longing we had for a child! A son followed 28 mos. later, and then it was 10 years later until we were able to adopt again. That baby, our daughter, was the delight of All our lives. I was 38, and I enjoyed every single day with her. We home schooled from mid-elementary forward, and our relationship has been extremely close. When she was 16, she met the young man who is now her husband at a Christian leadership camp. They lived hours apart, so spent two years communicating and growing a strong friendship and love for one another. You can imagine the shock when our daughter told us she was pregnant. They had planned to marry this summer, but instead, we allowed them to marry last fall. They are 19 and 20, both in college, and he is working two part-time jobs. Both we and his parents support where we can and where God leads us. Their beautiful baby girl was born a few weeks ago, and their maturity and approach to being Godly parents blesses me. They had been raised in Christian homes, had not been rebellious, simply fell into sin temporarily. That temporarily rebellion to God was a wake up call that they admit they are now grateful for, as He didn’t allow them to go years in secret sin. My experience in Opposite World has been that those of us who have been lifelong Pro Life advocates sometimes realize we also must extend grace to those within our families and churches when these situations occur. As a mom, I had to deal with disappointment, shame, fear and sadness, forgiveness and a loss of ‘our’ dreams for our daughter. God has now shown us He will make beauty from these ashes. We love our daughter and son-in-law more than ever, and our granddaughter is an absolute gift to us all. I believe we as Christians must come to grips with the fact that OUR plans are not GOD’s plans. I find some parents in our church have withdrawn from us, partly in fear for what could happen with their own children. I probably was once one of them, God forgive me. When we try to see life’s situations through His eyes, we begin to find our way to His plans for our lives. I have been humbled, but even more, I have been blessed. God is good. Always!

  59. I am preggo with my fourth baby who is due any day and I could not be more thrilled to have another blessing from the Lord, despite a difficult pregnancy. I have three boys (we don’t know what this baby is) and the overwhelming response I get is that if this baby turns out to be another boy, it’s no longer exciting…somehow my inability (or “failure”) to give birth to both genders somehow lessens the value of ts little one’s life. And I am hearing this in Christian circles!!! As a doula and childbirth educator, this is shocking and saddening. I work with mommas on a daily basis who have struggled conceiving, hav elite reagent pregnancy and birth scenarios, and I am privileged to witness the entry of these little lives into the world. I am sorry…I don’t care how many children you already have or what gender they are. EVERY pregnancy, every life is a CELEBRATION! No need for negative comments, opinions, or sharing horror stories, we mommas need to lift each other up and provide encouragement and support. Because, as difficult as pregnancy, birth, and parenting might be, its our greatest ministry as women!

    1. THANK YOU for posting this! I have 3 boys and two girls and it seems everyone is against my sweet boys. I have stopped doing birthday party’s because we have always invited all our family and friends, about 60 people. I threw my 1st daughters 1st party when she turned 3 she is 5 years younger then my oldest and is my 3rd child. I would barely get 2-3 people to my boys birthdays and rarely did they ever receive a gift ( not that gifts matter), When I threw my daughters party I invited all the same people I always do to end up having 53 people show up showering her in expensive gifts. the very next 2 birthdays were my boys (my youngest ones 1st) and there was no one for one and 2 for the other. I am so done with people favoring one sex over the other. I love all my children equally, I would just like a presence with no presents, that would at least let them feel important. but this is why I have stopped birthday party’s. If my boys aren’t good enough then neither are my girls. So we have private party’s with my Best friend who always shows up and we don’t invite anyone anymore.

  60. Beautiful post. I am an *old* mom – we have 7 (26-11). And two grandchildren. Oh you sweet young moms! You have no idea how beautiful you are when you are dragging your broods around town and trying, trying to keep them all together. It goes by faster than you will ever believe. Take all the joy you can from these days. You are doing as God asks and the joy is yours to keep and cherish and remember.
    Be counter-cultural, have children while you can. They are gifts and you are blessed to have them.

  61. I am a 75 year old grandmother. I had my first child when I was married 1 year, the second, 13 months later. When I was 41, I had my 6th child. My husband and I had little money, but they grew up without what kids have today, but we loved all our babies, and still love our grown children and our 13 grandchildren and 4 greats. People thought we were crazy. Today as I write, my firstborn is a nurse, my second a pastors wife, my first son, a surgeon, the second son served 20 years in the Air Force and retired a Lt. Col. and is now a missionary in Alaska. My next son is a certified Scuba instructor and underwater photographer. Our last baby all grown and is a missionary in Hong Kong. We are thankful for our family. So you young mothers, don’t listen to others. You and your husbands do what you want in family. Ojnly once did a lady tell me when I was expecting our last baby that she was glag it was me and not her. My answer, ” Me Too”! I have no regrets.

  62. Courtney~
    Amen Sister! You have brought much glory to the Father with this post- Amen! A dear friend of mine tagged me in your post because of my new book “Redeeming Childbirth.” I am excited to share this with my readers- I know they will be blessed! Thank you for joining in and proclaiming truth and exposing how we as a church culture have bought into a lie. That is one of the reasons I wrote it! Amen… oh I am just so excited!

    Blessings~ Angie

  63. I did not read all of the comments that are posted. However, if you let the comments of others prejudice your choices on having children then shame on you. I have 4 (grown now) children that have been and continue to be the greatest blessing in my entire life. (3 grandbabies now also) We never even thought about financial issues of having children. There has always bee room at the table for 1 more. We didn’t “plan” any one of them. We felt so blessed every time we knew we were expecting again. We made our choice to not have more after the 4th. Never let other people’s judgments influence your choices.

    1. Karen, your words are a breath of fresh air. “Never let other people’s judgments influence your choices.” I see this as going both ways: the choice to have more children or the choice to wait and not or not have any *more* children, and it’s so refreshing to hear a nonjudgmental voice.

  64. So much wisdom here! My husband and I have not used any form of birth control since September 1988. We are blessed to have 20 year old girl/boy twins as the result of IVF. My life with these children has been exhausted, crazy, full of ups and downs, and I am so blessed to have been successful in having these two now young adult children. I try not to wince when people have said, “You’re so lucky; you got one of each. You can stop now.” Yes…God blessed us with two, and they were a handful for many years. I would have loved more. I think the crowning insult came from a woman that was nosy enough to ask about birth control, and wagged her tongue when I answered, saying, “What if you get pregnant again?” I just stared at her…she’d heard my story of how it took four years of disappointments and feeling unworthy, and then the ultimate intervention of IVF, costing around $15,000. She didn’t stick around long enough to hear what I’d do if I got pregnant again: I would rejoice, I would be thrilled. It could only make me happier. My advice? Have your children as soon as you’re married and emotionally ready to have them. Have as many children as you want. One at a time is easier than multiples, but you’re definitely in for an adventure if you have multiples. Love them, treasure them, and if someone insults you because you actually enjoy being a mother, stare at that person with uncomprehending eyes. Say that you’ll pray for them as they cannot fathom your joy. Then move on and enjoy your family.

  65. I recently suffered a miscarriage after 7.5 weeks. Not many of my coworkers knew. One who had found out while I was gone asked if what he had heard about me was true. At first, I didn’t know if he was referring to the miscarriage or the pregnancy. I figured he didn’t know that I had lost the baby and I was right. He kept looking at my stomach and back up at me. I told him no. “Good,” he said. I then told him that I had miscarried a week later, which he proceeded to say he had never known of that and never intended to offend me. I told him no offense was taken. I found it odd, and strange, and hurtful, very disrespectful, mean, and rude that he would think it good me not being pregnant. Then I asked him why he felt that way. He asked how many children I have already. I told him about my two sweet girls. He said that’s enough for this day and age. They cost too much, and they are hard enough to raise, and it’s just too difficult in this with three or four kids. That’s just too many. It’s almost selfish! He never said that outright but I could hear it between what he WAS saying. I don’t know what god has planned for me, but if it is more babies, them my arms are open and waiting! I’m just 24 with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. My husband is 27. We were both looking forward to the child we lost, but it’s waiting for us with God. There will be more babies! Children are a blessing and debt is a burden. Why then are people constantly burdening themselves with thousands upon thousands of dollars on credit cards while waiting years to have one of the greatest blessings ever?

    1. Meredith,

      I just wanted to say I am so sorry about your loss. People, even nice people, often do not know what to say about miscarriage. That man was not nice, though. Please grieve your sweet one and don’t let anyone tell you that your baby doesn’t matter or should not have been born. That is completely wrong.

      We are blessed with 8 living children and have lost 4 babies to miscarriage. There was a stretch when 4 out of 5 pregnancies were miscarriages. It was very hard but it gentled my heart and helped me to look to the Lord for strength and comfort because I was pushed beyond my own ability to deal with the sorrow. To our surprise, I was able to carry the last 2 pregnancies to term and I had babies at age 41 and 42! The youngest is an 11 month old son. Now that I”m 43 I really doubt we’ll have more, but we are open to another child if the Lord so blesses us.

      God bless you and may He bring you another child in His timing.

  66. Our first son just turned three and has a rare metabolic disorder (which all our children have the potential of having since it’s genetic). Our second son will be eight months old this week. Almost every time I take them out in public someone tells me that I have my hands full. And people that know our oldest has a rare disorder thought we were nuts for having another baby. I love being a mom and hope we have a whole house full!

  67. Hello there,

    Interesting article. Good thoughts.

    I had a one-year “career” of teaching 24 kindergarten children in a large school.
    Five days after my “big career,” I gave birth to my first-born son.

    I have 13 children. No twins, all various, incredible births. All birthed by me…(I checked on adoption once, but they told me that I already had too many children)! Hmmmm.

    Had my first at age 22.
    Had my last at age 44.

    After number 11, I was feeling a bit tired. I prayed for longer time in between.
    One year went by, two years went by…I was starting to get concerned.
    THEN, we found out we were expecting number 12 (big Yay!!!)…and shortly thereafter, number 13!!!!

    The one ‘break’ in there had me concerned that I would receive NO more blessings.
    So glad that didn’t happen. I nursed, and trained and taught and loved…and the laundry pile was worth the work, believe me. No negative comments from me to other mothers having babies. I think it’s GRAND!

    Now, with the 5th one about to get married….well, it just keeps moving steadily in the opposite direction – one by one, they are leaving for college or marriage.
    It seems strange that on some days, I only have 5 at home. How did I get here??? After 13, and only FIVE at home on certain days?? Ah, I’m going to miss them…but I know they will be back to visit.

    Time is moving quickly now….they all love each other, they all love their parents, and they all love the Lord.
    God entrusted us with THIRTEEN souls! I was amazed every time He said, “Here, here’s another soul that I want you to raise/train/love.” Little ol’ me, and I have had the joyful opportunity to be a part of this big, happy, crazy, wonderful family!!! I am NOTHING, a bit like Peter in the Bible – impetuous, impatient, testing the waters, and excited to see that God loves me and He can use me in SPITE of myself.

    Negative comments? Many…but who cares? “They” who say the things, are missing the blessings…I will not be lonely in my old age, for sure and for certain! 😉 We already have FOUR grandbabies, with more to come. We enjoy a lot of good talk-time in the living room; we have Bible time together each evening (except Sundays because we’re in church throughout the day); we are blessed to have hard-working, loving children.

    I love it when an older person has seen us at the store, and says, “God bless you.” and I can reply with a joyful smile, “He HAS!!” 🙂

    God is good. Trust Him.

  68. January 2012 we lost our 5th baby. I have 4 very healthy children at home. But my heart still aches for that one gone home. I wish people could understand that children are a blessing and that He will take care of His own. I would love to have more if the Lord entrusts me with them.

  69. Wow! Thank You so much! I have felt guilty for so long, and I have felt so overwhelmed with my children forgetting why they are even here, because they are a gift..yes sometimes a gag gift, lol. Boy do i have stories..lol.
    I have two daughters who were both not planned, but we were trying for. Then my last daughter was born July 13th 2010, and soon after found out I was pregnant and had our son August 2nd 2011 Ever since I have had him, I have had a fear that I can’t seem to shake loose, through Christ I have grown, but still get snagged by the devil..and fear is in my heart… I have wanted 13 children for along time, and yet have grown a fear in my heart that I cannot take care of 3!! When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I cried and cried because I was Not ready for my third! I just had a baby. And to hear truths like how i was reminded of, Mary and Sarah, and Eve…A peace comes to my mind and my heart. Thank you so much.

  70. What a great post and reminder of the wonderful calling of motherhood! I have three children – 3 year old, 2 year old and now a newborn. I get so tired of the comments about my hands being full – yes, it’s busy but I am so thankful that God has blessed me with these children. I married older (at 32) and had my first child at 36. I am so thankful these boys are all healthy, smart, beautiful and most of all – mine! The latest news about the abortion doctor trial just breaks my heart and turns my stomach. We so need to pray for our society and listen to our Heavenly Father and His love for children.

  71. I find this all very interesting as I married at 22 and received an unbelievable amount of negativity about “giving up my freedom”, but I knew that God meant for us to be together and the nay sayers could go on their merry little way. Over 2 years later we’re happily married with no children and happily so to that one as well. We’ve gone to many lengths to prevent getting pregnant including, though I despise it, hormonal birth control. We’re not ready in our hearts or out on this physical world. After hitting many many many bumps in these last two years we’re living with my parents. They would be devastated and angry should I become pregnant. We have all sacrificed a lot to send me to college in my desired field, one which I believe God put me here with the purpose of doing. I pray every single day. Sometimes during these talks with God children do come up as I’m so torn if it’s even the right thing to do at all with the over population and the vast amounts of evil in this world. I do put it all over to God and I know that regardless of any pill or condom or surgery should HE see fit to make us parents it’s going to happen regardless of our human preventatives. Should that happen that child will be seen as God’s gift and there will be nothing anyone can say to change that.

    To real reason I’m commenting though is that this made me think about things that have come out of my own mouth and how I should reform my speech and way of looking at it for other people. And for those wandering how a motherless woman wanders to this page specifically… a FB friend who is a yr younger than me with 3 children had it posted. I just wanted to say thanks for making me realize I have some work to do on my thought process.

    1. I am also childless, but enjoy the blog! I know that I’m not ready for children yet either, but I do agree with you! If God wills it, it will be done – whether or not I’m ready! lol. But yes, I think we all could be kinder with our words to anyone in any situation – pregnant or not 🙂

  72. My daughter and her husband have been blessed with 7 children. Each of these children are loved, well adjusted children that love God. Each child is unique, having different personalities. Each one knows that they are special. Every day is an adventure for all of us. We never know what will come out of their mouth. It is difficult not to laugh at some of the things they say, but they are not afraid to say what is on their mind. Their wisdom amazes me. Those that are old enough to read, read book after book.
    People started making remarks to my wife and myself after our third grandchild was born. They said things to my daughter and her husband also, but mostly to us. After the fifth was born, people started to ask us if we okay with our daughter having so many children. We replied that each child was a blessing from God and we could not be happier with the situation.
    After the seventh child was born, people started backing off from their remarks, because they could see how well adjusted the family is. My daughter and husband are doing a remarkable job.
    They have lost two babies from miscarriage, but hopefully we will have number eight in the near future.
    God has blessed our family with these wonderful children. As long as God is pleased with this, I am too.

  73. Kids are of course a blessing… But I think the reason for the negativity is because people are not prepared for how difficult parenthood can be until they actually become parents. I try to stay away from negative comments when someone announces a pregnancy, let them have the joy and excitement! But I will try and relate as a mother when they face struggles, as we all do. I like to let them know they are not alone! To pretend that parenthood is this magical wonderful thing all the time gives a false impression and makes those of us who struggle at times feel completely inadequate and like we are doing something wrong because our experience is tougher. I have a special needs child and rarely do I ever complain about not having a spa day. My struggles are so much more than that. Even the usual day to day tasks are completely grinding. So go easy on those who seem to complain too much or who don’t appreciate their kids like they “should”. Every person copes in their own way. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. Every mother questions her abilities at some point and no one is alone in that. If someone takes solace in the fact that they are not alone and can laugh at the fact that we all go through crazy things with our kids – I think it builds a sense of community through understanding one another. 🙂 http://www.thismomsgonnasnap.com

  74. I actually got the opposite, especially from Christian women, because I chose not to have anymore children. “You aren’t going to have anymore children?” “But they are blessings from God.” Or, “People are selfish, and they don’t know what they are missing, and they must not like children.” These words can be just as rude and hurtful.

    1. Thank you for this. Each one of us has the right to the decisions we make. Some can’t have more, some want to have as many as they can no matter what and some choose to stop after 2 or 3 because that is what they feel they should do. But sometimes I feel that the parents with a string of children can actually turn their noses up at those of us who choose to stop having children as much as the ones who turn their noses up at those who have a “whole baseball team”! Yes, CHILDREN are a blessing. No where does it say in the Bible how MANY that should be. I think GOD left that up to each one of us to decide. We need to be respectful of every ones choice.

    2. Thank you for this response! When my husband and I married, we planned on having several children, we had 2 live children and a miscarriage between the two of them and they are 20 months apart. The second pregnancy nearly killed me, and I now suffer from a somewhat debilitating autoimmune disease that they can’t even name. I love our children, and perhaps in the future we may consider adoption, but for now, my body can barely handle the stress of the two precious little bundles of joy we do have. Right now we have made the decision not to have more, because we don’t want to leave our children without a mother just to attempt having more children. I greatly admire the women who are able to gracefully raise their 4, 5, or more children, right now, I am not one of those women. My mom also had only 2 children, and we attempted to adopt 2 little girls through local foster care, but in the end it nearly tore our family to pieces and it took us and is still taking us time to recover. I absolutely believe adoption is a good thing, but we need to be careful to discern what specifically God is calling us to! God’s commands are his enablements–however, man’s expectations are not God’s enablements–and we need to be careful on either side of the equation–I think the key thing for us to remember is that we need to raise the children God has given us well. For me, having more children would potentially reduce or even eliminate my ability to be a mother, I cannot be a very good mother if I am bedridden or hospitalized because my organs are shutting down. I choose to raise my very precious and beautiful little girls as best as I can with God’s help and trust that if God has a different plan, he will make that clear. We continue to be open to and discuss this, but for now we are at peace with what God has for us right now. One more thing, I know an amazing couple from my daughters’ therapy clinic, they foster 5-6 children at a time. She is a retired police officer and he is still a firefighter. They have 3 grown children, and when she was working at the police department, they decided that when their children were grown, they would take in some of these kids to help them. I think sometimes we think we have to raise all of our children at once, and that doesn’t have to be the case. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts on this subject 🙂

    3. Thanks for this. I was just about to leave a similar comment here.

      I knew from the time I was 6 years old that I didn’t want children of my own. I completely lack any desire to have kids. It’s not my calling, and that’s totally fine.

      Or it should be totally fine. I resent being thought of as a lesser Christian just because I don’t want kids, like the Rachael Janokovic quote in the middle of this post implies. Yes, motherhood is a calling, but it’s not every woman’s calling. Motherhood is not a desire I was ever given, so I know it’s definitely not my calling.

      I’m not sinning or being tempted by “the world” or “worldly thinking” because I lack the desire to bear and raise children. And I’d appreciate it if other Christian women would stop judging me that way.

      I think it’s wonderful when a couple has tons of kids. I think it’s wonderful when a couple has one or two and decides that’s enough. I think it’s wonderful when a couple decides not to have any kids. It’s a personal decision, and no one should judge either side for their family planning choices. I certainly don’t.

  75. Although I agree that women should not be negative about a pregnancy in general, or see children as burdens, I can’t help but wonder if these comments about “impending doom” were more cautious warnings about how incredibly difficult those first few weeks and months can be for a new mom. Having a baby was a really difficult and dark time for me due to a little one who cried constantly and I became seriously sleep deprived to the point of deleriousness. (If that’s a word). I was depressed and lonely and wondered why my child was so needy and upset all the time. I wish SOME one would have told me that it may not be rainbows and lollipops to have a newborn. I cried constantly and had a very hard time adjusting to motherhood. But maybe if someone told me it could be “bad” for awhile I might not have believed them. I think we do young moms a disservice by romanticizing pregnancy, motherhood and child rearing. It truly is dying to your own life and giving it up for another.

    1. To be clear I agree with your post as well as how God talks about children in the bible… That they are a reward. Moms should be encouraged if nothing else!! My point is that there is room for being realistic. I think that is helpful. It may be perceived as being “Debbie downer” but it would’ve been helpful for me to tell me having a baby may not be what I expected 🙂

      1. You are right. But there is a difference between being realistic and being critical. To tell a mother that it will be hard is truth. But to cast rude comments her way, like “You know how that happens, right?” is just condescending. We should offer hope, love, and encouragement rather than criticism. And that applies on both ends of the spectrum–no kids, only a few, or a whole slew of them!

        I personally am convicted that my husband and I should be willing to have as many children as God chooses to bless us with. I also recognize, though, that God sometimes leads people to prevent pregnancy–either because of their health or because he has some sort of career/ministry plans for them that a large family might inhibit. That being said–I believe all Christians SHOULD make this decision based on the Lord’s leading rather than on convenience. And while some who choose none (or 1-2) kids have done so, I think far too often the choice is made out of a distrust of God. And yes, some who have 7-8 kids are doing so out of selfishness. I suppose what I really mean to say is that we don’t always know the heart of those who’ve decided differently than we believe. And it just may be that God has led them to the choice they’ve made.

  76. I don’t remember many negative comments when I had my first 3 in my first marriage, but when I got remarried later and I “started over” we got negative comments due to our age. We knew we wanted a baby even though I was 41 and my husband was 48. Some people thought we were crazy to start over at our age, and because our others were much older and we would be done raising them in a few years. We are having the time of our lives with our daughter, and enjoy it so much more than we did with our older kids. Being older, and having other kids grown up, you realize how fast it goes and savor each moment more. And also because we had a miscarriage before her, we realize how precious she is. I wish I could have had this perspective when I was younger. I was probably a little more of one of those complainers then. I see friends on FB complaining about babies not sleeping through the night or whatever and my perspective is very different being older. It is such a short time of your life, just enjoy it because it will be gone too quick.

    Things are very difficult at times having college, highschool, middle school, and toddler, and with them all having their own difficult issues at times, but there are so many great times too. The children are not the burden, but dealing with the house repairs, car repairs, finances, and everything that takes time away from the kids is more the burden. I would have more kids if I didn’t have so many other things to deal with. I think some of it depends on what your husband is like and how much he helps, your energy level, what all other things you have to deal with, etc. I have 5 in our crazy blended family, but would have more if I was younger and other things were different.

    1. I was somewhat in your shoes, with two children (born when I was in my early 20s) and then, years later (when I was 39 and 40) two more — all from the same marriage. No miscarriages, illnesses or medical treatments. That’s just how it happened. We had one to three children in college for 20 years straight. One of the older children (a daughter) graduated with a Ph.D. from Yale at the age of 34 with our youngest child, who was getting his bachelor’s degree at the age of 21. We loved having our “two sets” of children. Strangers couldn’t figure us out when we had two teenagers and two babies. They asked if our older son and daughter were the parents of the younger daughter and son. We all had a wonderful time together. I have fond memories of seeing our son surrounded by the girls in his high school who were admiring his baby sister. But I made it a point not to turn our older son and daughter into substitute parents. We were blessed, when we had two teenagers and two babies, to be able to afford live-in help. We all were able to enjoy the babies and there were five of us available to help care for them. Our four children are now adults, and they remain extremely close. They give a lot of support to each other. Our older son’s wife is about the age of the younger children and our younger daughter’s husband is about the age of the older children. (The older daughter’s husband is her same age and the younger son, 29, is still single.) The entire family, including all of the in-laws, loves being together. I always believed that having a baby at 40 is not a big deal but I wondered how it would be to have teenagers at 55 or 60. Now I can say I did it, and it was wonderful. I’ll be 70 this year, and it still is!

  77. That’s why God intended us to have babies younger! Trusting Him is the key to everything. When we start using birth control, our hormones and our lives become one living for man’s purpose (opposite world). Plus, many women DON’T KNOW BCP’s, IUD’s, can creat spontaneous abortions when the fertilized egg attaches to the uterus. Something I had to learn later in life also after suffering issues with fertility! Natural is God’s path in life for Him. Artificial contraception is opposite world!

  78. I loved reading your perspective, however I’m hurt by one of your paragraphs. Your line: “I mean – how am I supposed to fit in aerobics, spa days, girls shopping trips and “me time” when I have children that need me 24/7” in particular was hurtful. I’m sorry you’ve had people judge you and make inappropriate remarks (the comments are wrong, I’m not defending those people), but I’m saddened you chose to also disparage those women who are choosing to wait to have children. There are legitimate reasons why some women and couples choose to wait to have children – maybe they want to be more financially secure or move to a residence with room for so many children, but that’s not our place to judge. So while I wish that women wouldn’t judge pregnant women, those who favor large families shouldn’t judge those women who are delaying parenthood. And while God does see children as honoring Him, he also showed in the bible women who didn’t have children and women who worked. I’m sure God values all of our roles and knows how to manage each woman’s heart individually.

    1. For me it has been hard dealing with those who have large families who have judged my husband and my choice to stop with our third son. I have had 5 pregnancies and lost the first at birth, and one miscarriage between my last two sons. I love my three boys who live with me more than my own life. My husband and I have worked hard to raise them up in the Lord and to do right by them. ALL of my pregnancies were “Gifts from God in spite of my best efforts” –LOL because the first was actually a product of a college rape. Pregnancy was never joyous to me, but the babies were always a blessing……and I adore my children.
      With my last pregnancy, my life was in danger and my husband and I decided that a vasectomy was the best choice for our family…..better to prevent another pregnancy and be around to love and raise the three boys God decided to gift me with than to risk having the round number of 4 that I had always dreamed of. I have many times heard the hurtful words of friends who believe we were wrong to make this choice and that we were “limiting” God’s power in our lives.
      I can say that because our family size was limited that we were able to take other people’s children into our home on many occasions. We helped raise my best friend’s 4 children with them in our home 20 hours a day for most days over the span of years. We have had 2 of my son’s friends move in with us and have the benefit of a Godly home while things at their own home were out of control. We have had the opportunity to help young families financially when life got tough–something we might not have been able to do with more children of our own. And we have three boys who love the Lord and their family…..even tho they are definitely teenagers at this point.

      I personally hate the “mommy wars”. Being a Godly parent/mom is hard enough without the condemnation on either side. I didn’t have my first till I was 23 and in college, but that was because God hadn’t given me the gift of my husband yet. I didn’t meet him till after that point, and he has been a blessing to me. We as mom’s need to support each other and the choices we make…..Just my two cents.

      1. I think that you still agree with the spirit of what Courtney was sharing. It’s not the spirit of the age to accept and welcome children as a blessing. You did, and God gave you 3 children, but you had a choice to make. Nobody could ever condemn you for making a choice, because you had good reason. It’s those who selfishly choose to refuse a blessing that personally saddens me more. May God bless you, and remember it’s God’s opinion that counts, not the judgement of others. Hugs.

    2. I agree with you, Hillary. That sentence struck me, too. We have 2 children, spaced 6 years apart, and don’t plan to have more (if God sent them, we’d welcome them…but we’re not “trying.” No birth control, but I think God wants us to understand the bodies He gave us, so we use Natural Family Planning) Why do we only have 2 and why did we wait so long inbetween? Because we’ve never been financially secure. I have never taken an aerobics class or been to a spa and don’t appreciate the assumption that I would choose to selfishly spend money on myself rather than my family. For some of us, having 2 is a huge stretch financially.

    3. Hillary, you point out the issue that is bugging me here quite accurately: grace and acceptance need to be given toward ALL. those who choose to have many or those who choose to have few or those who choose to have none and at whatever age all of those choices are made- those are ALL personal decisions that no one on the outside should criticize.

      when you ask for grace and acceptance you must be willing to give all of that as well.

    4. I agree with Hillary. I am 30, divorced, childless…and the happiest I’ve ever been! 🙂 I do believe that children are a blessing, and would be honored to someday be a mother. However I am disappointed that in the meantime, I should be looked down upon as an Opposite World girl for going to the spa, having an amazing career that I’m passionate about, and waiting to have children. Thankfully, I have amazing parents who taught me that I could do/be anything, and that independence and intelligence are nothing to be ashamed of. To note, my parents were married young and had us children young, but they were very practical and realistic when sharing the pros/cons with us. 🙂

    5. Thanks for your comment, Hillary! I am a mother, but didn’t bring her home until we were in our 30s and married almost 9 years. We had good reasons for waiting and absolutely do not regret it. I agree with you… it’s interesting that the author was getting after those who are negative toward pregnant women/mothers, but is so quick to belittle the role of the women who choose not to have children for whatever reason. Some of the most influential, loving, and selfless women in history (and those I know personally) did not have children and I actually think this helped them be even more available to others and to serve their communities in profound ways.

  79. I am an older mum, I had my baby when I was 40, i didn’t get married till I was 37, I had always loved children, but having one of my own, I soon realized was a big responsibility. He was a big baby and I have health problems so I decided one was for me, i would have loved to have more children, I feel it makes you more of a family. My baby is now 18 and cycling with a French team in France, filling his dream.

  80. I so needed this today. With being pregnant with #6 we get it all. People even ask my children if they are sad mommy’s having another baby?!?!? WHAT? Why would that make them sad? They get all they need and some. I know my calling was to be a mother who raised her kids in the word and not the world. THANK YOU THANK YOU for the reminder 🙂

  81. Oh my gosh yes! I have a 15 week old, and I got so tired of comments about how my life was ‘over’, that I would never have any time for myself, and to be prepared for ‘all the crying’ (to which I would respond in mock horror ‘Oh my goodness! Babies cry? Why has no one told me this before?’

  82. I don’t disagree with this article… but I have a different view to offer. I agree whole-heartedly that children are a blessing. I believe that God desires for most people to have children. I have seen several different families, two specifically, where the children are NOT being well cared for in their homes. Regardless of how many children there are, parents need to honestly reflect on how well they are able to care for the children they have before they continue to bring children in to the world. I don’t just mean financially either! I mean each child being given the time, encouragement, and affection they need. I have seen families in which this isn’t happening, and the home is not being taken care of, the children are behind in school and are suffering from neglect…. why have more children then? I DO think that sometimes women want to get pregnant because, despite the kind of care children need, the mother does receive a whole lot of attention while she is pregnant.
    Honestly, it breaks my heart to see these children suffering because their parents are trying to “prove” that God will provide no matter what, or because they like the attention they receive while being pregnant or because they have a large family.
    Again, I am NOT against large families. I am one of three children, and I have never considered that a large number… I just feel that it is important to make these decisions carefully. I believe that if we seek God’s will, he will give us what he knows to be best for us.

    1. I am a mom of 4 (ages 12,10,8,6) and a L+D nurse. While having children raised by loving parents is what I know you are talking about, I also see a heavy dose of the flip side. Women having multiple children with multiple daddy’s with the only concern being how much free stuff (from formula to car seats)they are going to get and how soon can they get state aid to pay for their latest addition. While I also believe “affordability” should not be a deterant to having children, their should be a certain level of overall financial concerns that comes with the decision to have more children. Some of my personal negativity comes from thinking, “I am here working so you can use my tax dollars to fund your extra-curricular activities.” As a mom who takes scripture seriously, I believe we are to be set apart… that means we should not be having children and proclaiming we are doing it in obedience only to have the state fund our families.
      Children are a blessing. I love the stories from seasoned moms who tell what their children are doing now making a difference/ contribution to the world. Thank you for your positive example.

      1. I agree with you Danielle. Especially this “that means we should not be having children and proclaiming we are doing it in obedience only to have the state fund our families.”

        I too am a nurse and see this every day where I work! Young mothers who are mostly concerned with how they can get free stuff. They then have more babies who are on the dole and I think that same thought, that I’m working so they can be free-loaders off the system. They’re dressed better than me and have the latest iPhone and drive a Cadillac and I’m driving a rusted 10 year old Escape with 169,000 miles on it.

    2. If you believe in God’s will, why don’t people leave their family size in His hands? I never really have understood this reasoning. I don’t mean to be unkind, truly, or judgmental. I really don’t. But, really… There’s a disconnect here for me. How is it that folks who say they have faith and trust in God’s choice for them feel like they still need to make the decisions themselves? Do they not really believe He is present and caring and watchful in their lives, doing always what is best, in the little things and in the big things, like in the all-important matter of bringing children into the world? Is their a line where the faith and trust stops — a line which is different for everyone? What am I missing here?

  83. This just helped me so much! I am 23 years old and almost finished with college. I have been married for 2 years come Aug and I really keep feeling this heavy longing in my heart to have a baby. I have been trying so hard to ignore it because my family is the type that finds it unacceptable that I would want to be a stay at home wife and mother. My commen sence pushes on me to wait but my heart is heavy with the desire for children and a large family. I have come across many verses in the bible encouraging people to have many children because they are a blessing but from our society’s view that is out dated. I think now I will spend time in prayer about and listen to the only voice who matters. Thank you so much

    1. You are so wise! God will lead you to do what is right! My family, too, has encouraged me to wait because I’ve only been married for about a year. But I also know that as soon as I’m actually pregnant they will be elated! Hopefully your family will be just as supportive when that time comes!

  84. This was probably my favorite blog post yet. An eye-opener and convicting. I’ve been the one saying “just wait” to other women. 🙁 ugh. I have one child, that’s what God has given me and I do see her as a blessing. She’s amazing. Thank you for opening my eyes to what I say to other people about children. I need to use those words as encouragement and to build up.

  85. I am so glad I stumbled upon this because I face the negativity almost daily. I am a 30year old mom of 7 and everywhere I go people comment or stare. The braveness of some to be so rude in their actions and words is incredible. Sometimes it hurts and makes me cry but most of the time I just tell myself and my children that we are proud to have so many to love and enjoy. When others findout that I homeschool, it opens a whole new can of worms. Thank you for giving a bit of encouragement to moms who don’t deserve to be put down for loving and taking care of their children. Children are a gift from the lord.

    1. I was raised 1 in 5 and we used to get those stares as well but I will say I am grateful that I was not an only child because as adults we are able to lift each other up and help when no one else can and to Home school makes it much better Your kids will be grateful for your love and Devotion

  86. I met this a lot… I could t be around those negative people when I was pregnant. I was scared to death when we got pregnant because I didn’t feel ready at 23 and when I told people the first thing everyone kept saying was “oh you shouldn’t tell people this soon, it’s too risky” then that only fueled my depression in pregnancy because I was scared that if I did the lose the baby I would be relieved because I was so scared to have one yet. On top of that we didn’t have much family support because me sister inlaw has been unable to conceive. My Husband and I felt like black sheep for daring (we didn’t even try to get pregnant) before she did. It was very rough but God knew what he wa doing and after I starte to get over the depression we were blessed with the 3rd love of my life, our son Ezra

  87. I absolutely Love your message .When I was 18 I got married and by 19 we had our first child by the time I had my 3rd child by age 24 my youngest was 4 weeks old I went to the doctor for being sick .Had I waited til I was older I would never had children I was 24 married and 3 babies under 5 .I ended up having cancer of my uterus and missed my daughters first year of life .Life has never been easy as our family has endured my many surgeries over the past 12 years and NO ONE could have ever given me the strength to keep pushing other then my 3 Beautiful daughters .Anyone who meets my children ask me How did I do it How did I make my 3 the most wonderful unselfish and most considerate children .I have no answer except to say that God has and is in control of us and I Thank God each day for them .Do not be fearful of having children when you feel like you are ready .Not everyone deserves to be a parent but the ones who really go through life without children are the ones I feel bad for .God said in His word be fruitful and multiply I am grateful for my girls and believe me it is awesome when your kids bring home others that you can fall in Love with as well and can treat them as your own as well.Let us lift one another with encouragement and for this I say Thank You

  88. I did enjoy this post as I honestly believe that children are a blessing from the Lord. I always wanted a large family until I got pregnant. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 25 and we got married when I was 27 so I didn’t have the option of having children young. Unfortunately, I have faced the opposite criticism, where I deal with horrible side-effects from the pregnancy (on my second now at age 30) and people make me feel like a terrible mother because I don’t enjoy it. I definitely don’t go around telling new moms how horrible I’ve had it because they look at me like I have two heads and tell me that even when they were puking their guts out with morning sickness they were sooooo excited about being pregnant. I think, for myself, I had to come to the conclusion that God calls CHILDREN a blessing, but He called child-BEARING a curse. I definitely applaud those women who are ecstatic about having children at age 45, but I wish people didn’t look down on those of us who struggle throughout pregnancies. I love my children (my 2-yr old and my unborn) but I am definitely looking forward to the day I am no longer pregnant…and I don’t think that makes me a buyer of Opposite World’s philosophy (I hope not, lol).
    Thanks again for the post.

    1. Amanda I understand! I’m onto my fifth pregnancy and am trying not to be terrified, I dearly love my babies but pregnancy is a long hard slog for me, much as I love the kickers =) amazing what we live through for the little darlings! May God give you strength and uphold you in His hands =)

    2. I feel much the same way – I find pregnancy difficult, I frankly don’t enjoy it very much. For that reason I am reluctant to have a lot of children – although my husband and I would like to have at least four or five! I do struggle with the idea of letting go of family planning and just seeing what happens. I just don’t think I can cope with being pregnant all the time!

      I then feel guilty – like I am being selfish by not wanting to have children until my body stops conceiving. Am I getting in the way of God blessing us? Or am I being realistic, knowing that I couldn’t cope? I am not sure…. I just don’t know quite what to think.

      1. Took me awhile to realize that we have no control over “family planning” no matter if we choose birth control or not. I know many friends who got pregnant on the pill, while nursing, or b/c they missed one pill. The opposite is true too. I did not do any kind of prevention for about 3 years before I just got pregnant with my 3rd at 35. God is the only one who can control if/when we have children. Just because you are not “family planning” does not mean you will be pregnant all the time. 🙂 God will give you the blessings He chooses for you.

      2. And just because you ARE family planning doesn’t mean you WON”T be blessed by God in spite of your best efforts….all of my pregnancies were in spite of my best efforts, and I take every one of them as a gift from God. I think that those who say that our efforts at family planning “limits” God’s ability to work in our lives have a low opinion of God’s power. God gave Mary a virgin birth….surely He is more powerful than the pill or a condom!!!!

      3. You are not selfish for wanting to care properly for your body, a temple, and for your children, the blessings that you already have. You are being wise in thinking and measuring and weighing all of the various aspects before making a decision. It is NOT selfish to make sure that you are able to be a good mother to the children who you have already had. It *is* selfish not consider all of the pertinent aspects (financial and physical primarily), become pregnant, and then depend on others for everything. Not that other people shouldn’t help you, but *they* end up being the ones bearing the brunt of your “duty” to God which is backwards!

        I was the oldest child in a large family and this is what happened many times during later years of my mom’s pregnancies. I ended up being the one caring for my siblings and for the home and this just wasn’t right. My mom had no right making me pay the price for her presumed obedience to God.

        So YES, you are being realistic and honest and listening to the body that God gave you and making a wise, informed, realistic decision. Please don’t give in to false guilt and pressure from either direction. This is about you and your body and your family: no one else’s.

        1. Anonymous, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m the oldest of 7, and I loved taking care of my little brothers (although I sometimes had resentment as well). At the same time, I have also looked back, and I’ve realized with maturity that I wasn’t doing nearly as much as I thought I was. It’s unfortunate, too, that my mother didn’t share that she was doing many, many things for me as well. My older children help with my toddler, and, because of my experience as an eldest child, I make sure I thank them and ask them for help.

  89. Look at all the amazing testimonies you have received here. Clearly this is a topic that touches all of us and we thank you for sharing your message!

  90. I really needed this, today! Thank you! I am 43 and was sure that I was done having children. The Lord has chosen to bless me with Number 8, due in early November. My husband’s job isn’t very lucrative and we struggle to get by. Our family and even our church family is full of negative comments and it makes it really hard to be positive, sometimes, about our “overflowing quiver”. It is the most wonderful thing to encounter someone out in public who says “You have such beautiful children! You are blessed!” It doesn’t happen very often, but it does happen and I try to hang on to those sweet comments when others are putting us down.

    1. Congratulations on #8! I hope my husband and I are just as blessed as you! I used to want 5 kids–and people thought I was crazy. My view has now changed so that there’s no number that I want to reach. I really just want as many kids as God will give us! And the thought of that being 8-9 kids sounds oh so exciting, even if I know it might be overwhelming!

  91. So well said! My husband and I have 3 children so far, with our first 2 very close together. My husband is the oldest of 10, so I often get the question, “so, are you planning on 10?” I have learned wisely from my mother in law to respond with, at least they only come 1 at a time, but it still bothers me… Why is it their business anyway?

    Thank you for taking the time to write this and bare all. It’s so good to see someone talking about this topic!

  92. I’m 25 and desperate to start having babies. I want at least four and when I tell people this, they are so shocked! I have a Masters degree and am supposed to want a career, to want “more than that”. More than what? More than what I feel I’m meant to do, what I believe I will be really good at?
    It’s nice to know there are other women out there who agree with me, even if I hardly ever meet them in person 🙂

    1. I’m 26, and I also feel I’m ready to start having babies! Thankfully, I’m getting married next spring. I feel like my career is just a placeholder until I can have a baby, and I want at least 4 😉

    2. I sooo understand! My biggest dream has always been to be a wife & mother. At 25 I was still single and decided I needed a back-up plan. So I started pursuing my master’s degree. While working on it I met & married my husband (just under a year ago) and decided to let the master’s degree go so that I could focus on being a wife. I’ve still taken a class on the side, but have no intention of finishing the degree. I’m now working until that amazing day that I find out I’m expecting (which I soooo hope is very soon!), and so many people –solid Christian people–treat me as if I’m an abused wife because I gave up my degree for my husband. I try to tell them that the degree was only a back-up plan because I was single, but they rarely buy it. I try to tell them that being a wife makes me A THOUSAND times happier than does being a student, or having any great career that my degree could have led to. But they always look at me with pity, assuming I’m just trying to convince myself of it. I get so frustrated with those people, but I’m still confident in my decision. Anyway, I hope you can soon begin your journey toward your four bundles of joy!

  93. I’m really enjoying your “Opposite World” series. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate this post. We, mommies , have so much to be grateful for. I often wish that I had started younger so I could have more kids. They are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve learned more about love from them than any other experience I’ve ever had.

  94. Having found out last week that a surprise #5 miracle is on it’s way, this post was timed by God for me!!! Thanks Hun =)

  95. I needed this so very bad. While I definitely heard my fair share of negativity with pregnancy #1 (especially when people learned of my desire for med free birth and breast feeding and used me to work through their own traumatic experiences), this pregnancy has been much worse. I’m in grad school, and I’m pregnant with twins (9 weeks). In the few weeks we’ve been ‘out’, I’ve heard ‘better you than me’, ‘I’m so glad it’s not me’, ‘your life is going to be CRAZY’, ‘did you plan this??!’ (Yes, I did extra kegels and double ovulated. Really??!) etc. And these are moms, *not* other students in my program! It has seemed to me that people view children as the unfortunate byproduct of marriage, rather than a natural continuation. It hurts having to defend the existence of these little lives.

  96. Courtney, Wonderful message. So true and so needed. I truly must remind myself what a twisted, backward society that surrounds me. We are presently waiting for our adopted daughter, we have three biological children (and are in our 40’s) We look crazy to the world but I am so glad I know and can proclaim God’s truths!!!

  97. This is near and dear to my heart. I have written on this in 2 places on my blog. I have 5 girls and have been blown away by comments-especially by our own family members. Some people have even tried to tell us to “try different things” to get a boy. Really? How can people be so bold? It hurts me deeply that we have gotten so much negative feedback. My 2 year old was born when i turned 40 and that was a tough one. People were downright mean. She is such a sweet soul and huge blessing to our family. I cant imagine life without her. But the whole pregnancy was filled with anguish. My mother in law who had 6 began saying to people who had negative comments, “which one do you think i should give back?” That quiets people quickly!!
    Thanks so much for you wonderful post, encouragement and just being you! God bless you,
    Jen

  98. Thanks for this. I am pregnant with my 3rd at (gasp!) 35 (some woman at church actually acted like I was a hero for having a baby at 35). I too had my first at 27, although that was just under 3 yrs after getting married so I don’t feel that we waited unusually long time; I just married at 24 instead of 21 or 22 like most of my friends. For some reason God chose for me to wait almost 6 years after #2 for #3. . and I still have had people ask me if this was a “surprise,” were we still “trying?” (That is NOBODY’S BUSINESS!, but yes, been waiting for another for about 4 years). Worse was my mom – she’d been telling me since I had #2 that “2 is enough in our society” even though she had 5!!!! She refused to speak to me about my pregnancy for several weeks after we told them we were expecting. I tell that to say that even good Christians get lulled into believing “Opposite World’s” mantra; if we hear something often enough, we start to believe it. Thanks for your insightful posts.

  99. Wow I so love this post. Our culture today just doesn’t seem to get that all children are blessings so matter how and when God brings them. My husband & I had our first after a rough start for him we decided we would expand our family through foster care. We now have added a precious little boy to our forever family. I am so glad we followed His lead to adopt! I could NOT imagine God putting our family together any other way.

  100. Thanks! I needed to hear this I am pregnant with 5 and feel like I need to hide it because of negative people.

    Jenny

  101. Great post, thanks for the words of wisdom! I had my first baby at 29, but the short line you wrote about Sarah being old really made me smile big time knowing, I’m really not THAT old. 🙂

    I was just at my sister-in-laws baby shower yesterday when I commented to one of my friends that, “…I’m a mom now, I can’t go out and party like I used to.” Her respond to the new mom-to-be, “…don’t listen to that, sure you can! Just look at my sister, she goes out partying every weekend.”

    Now let’s look at her sister. She goes out every weekend, drops the kids off at her mom’s house not only when she goes out to party but, when she has to get to her full time job because her husband is also working, she’s always looking to do dinner dates with friends, on facebook and texting nonstope and then she wonders why is that her kids won’t listen to her or that they’re “out of control.” HELLOOOO! Could it be that maybe you’re not taking the time and responsibility to actually be a mom and raise them?

    Oy! 🙂

  102. Loving this series and this post!!!! Definitely preaching it!!!!! Thank you for doing this, your blog, speaking out!

    I am guilty of a lot of what you talked about in this post. Being negative, usually in a jesting way, bt none the less negative. What blessings our children are!

  103. Hi Courtney!
    What a great point about encouraging young women to flourish in their baby making years! I completely agree that we need to help people see the positive aspects of childbearing and raising them. That hardships are a normal part of growth and life, and to be expected but not the focus. “living well” to me, means to learn to embrace the good, and handle the bad well. Now if I may make a point consider that many women who “choose” to have children later, or less children, or no children (GASP!). Often have reasons, not excuses. Often people have mental road blocks that they need help navigating through in order to get over fears, or past experiences, or maybe they have a very hard childhood. I realize that God’s design is for people to have children and reproduce, and teach them God’s ways, but that’s the ‘ideal’ not the real world we live in (look at all the messy storiees in the bible!). Healthy parents make healthy children, but the reverse is also true.
    Bottom line- it’s in part responsibility of the Christian women’s community to encourage other women in the way of womenhood and mothering because the “world” has taught them the wrong way (Jesus is the way the truth and the life), and if Christians are representing the gospel we should be teaching gracefully in “truth and love.” Not pointing out what they are doing wrong, they may not have the life skills and experiences yet, and in my humble opinion, their are plenty of people who SHOULD prayerfull wait, and be taught what a healthy family is.
    …And in the meantime, travel, drink lattes, go to the spa and enjoy life 😉
    Respectfully,
    Kelsey MacMaster

    1. I agree on this front….Having had emotional scars in both my husbands and my past, our first few years of marriage and parenting were a struggle. Fortunately we made being good parents a priority and our children have managed to grow up healthy and secure. I do believe anyone not ready to put their children as a priority should wait…….I see too many children suffering from “party” moms……..

  104. Thank you for this timely post. I am a pastor’s wife and currently pregnant with our fourth. Even church members say things like, “This is it, I hope” or “you do know what causes this, right?” I have trouble sometimes conveying to them all just how much these blessings mean to me and my husband. I wish they could all read this post!

  105. Courtney,

    I Just Want To Tell You That You Were Definitely The Hands And Feet Of Jesus This Morning For Me. i Am a Mommy Of Five And Have Yet To Turn 30. i So Feel Like An Oddball In This Culture And Satan Has Used It To Question My Abilities, But My Children Are a Reward And Not a Burden. This Is My Purpose, My Calling. Thank You For The Wonderful Reminder In This Sometimes Desperate Life Of Mine! And For Renewed Hope!

    Ronda

    1. Hang in there little ones. I had similar things with my six. My youngest is now 21 and doing great. You are blessed with the most wonderful opportunities to be with the babies. That time goes way too fast. Enjoy it while you can.
      I was asked all the same things and looked at in the same way. I am currently 53 years old and in my last semester of my bachelor’s degree. Degrees will wait, children won’t. God bless you all.

  106. Thanks for posting this. I have 5 little blessings ages 8 down to 1, and encounter this opposite world all the time. It is frustrating, and I want to say to them…”My children have ears and they can hear your negative comments!!” That’s what bothers me the most. I usually try to respond to a complete stranger who feels the need to comment when I have all of them out, “You have your hands full”, ….or something like that, with a “yes but Praise God my heart is much fuller” I have also been known to respond to the “you do know what causes this right?”….with “yes as a matter of fact I do, and it’s FUN!” lol. That seldom gets a response back, but I don’t say that where my kids can understand…:) Praise the Lord he’s the only one we have to answer to and he’s thrilled with our families no matter how big or small he plans them to be!!

  107. I can not thank you enough for posting this. As a mother of 5, it is exactly what I needed to hear today.

  108. I love this post because I have three kids, I always knew I would have three and my mom was not supportive and she was far from happy when I told her I was having my first. EVEN though me and my husband have and still are going thru a rough time, I would not change my life or what I have gone through for anything in the world. IF anything, I would go back and found this site so that I would have the wisdom that GOD gave us that lies in all of us. I get the constant, “oh, wait until your children get older” (I have two girls) and I am constantly battling, oh they are going to sneak and lie, have attitudes… etc…yap yap yap. SHUT UP, I was just telling one of my best friends the other day, stop wishing, saying negative things about my children and on my children. SO I declare today that I pray that I will have the strength to get up and read the bible to my children and let them know whats right and whats wrong because even though I had my children right after high school, I do not want them to make the same mistakes but I also have the power of prayer and faith that they will not. I love this series because as women of god who are definitely striving to be better and do better, we have it hard trying to stay focused on our family and (ESPECIALLY ME!) NOT conform to this crazy and evil world we live in! thanks Courtney ~ 🙂

  109. Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Being a young wife and mother, this is exactly what I needed to hear!!

  110. Your post is a blessing to me. While I am now the mother of 4 sons ages 15, 16, 19 and 20 – the comments about being a young mother with more than two children remind me of similar comments directed at me. As I would usher my brood through the checkout line at the grocery store I would hear comments ranging from ‘is she crazy?’ to ‘it’s not fair to the kids to have so many.’ Our oldest was 5 when the youngest was born. Our parents advised us to stop, as we wouldn’t be able to take our kids on nice vacations if we had more, wouldn’t be able to give them all the THINGS other kids would have, wouldn’t be able to give them each their own bedrooms, etc.
    I often heard the comment, “Well, God bless you . . . . “. I learned the best response from me was “Thank you, He already has!”

  111. You are so right! I am the oldest of 6 and my mom always got all sorts of horrible comments. I recently did a post on it here: http://thetexaswalkers.blogspot.com/2013/03/why-i-should-not-have-6-kids-like-my-mom.html where I talk about refusing to buy into society/satan’s lies about children. I am so thankful that so many young Christian women see the stark difference between what God says and what the world says, choose to side with God, live like it, and then share the wisdom with others. Thank you for sharing!!

  112. Thank you for this Courtney!

    It’s actually “opposite” for me in this circumstance… I had a rough preganancy. I struggled with preeclampsia (horrible migraines, high blood pressure, and significant fluid retention) so anytime someone acts me about pregnancy I share that with them. My motive is not to scare them away from kids, but now I realize that is exactly what I’m doing!? Oh no! I need to twist it into a positive. The outcome was worth the hardships and I am so very blessed to have a happy, healthy, and handsome 1.5 year old baby boy.

    xoxo,
    Jessica
    http://www.proverbsliving.org

  113. Oh, yes, the “just wait” people. I remember holding my tiny baby girl in my arm and being told what a horrible person she would become in her teens. Well, that young lady left home for the summer just last week and she is still the most amazing child I could have hoped for. Other than occasionally forgetting to call if she was late, she really didn’t give me any trouble as a teen. Even better, she became my friend and confidant and I am thankful for both her and her sister every day. Missing her like crazy right now!

  114. Sweet Courtney, I think this is probably my favorite blog post ever here! You are so exactly right.
    And it’s also a great reminder that just because someone else has fewer children, it’s not necessarily purely by choice. Thank you for writing such a real, direct piece. I hope many mamas are encouraged by it!!

  115. This is an AMAZING way to look at having children. My husband and I were married at 26 (we met after college) and decided we wanted to have kids right away. We loved kids and since my mom and grandma had a hysterectomy(?), I was worried I might have problems as well. Thankfully, I did not and we were blessed with 3 kids in 5 years (we also wanted them close in age to grow up together). It was stressful and we learned a lot about each other during that time, lol, but it was fun and we enjoyed it. There were so many comments about how things were going too fast and when were we going to stop. I know we missed out on a lot, but the way we see it? We’re still going to be young when they leave the house and we can have all the time to ourselves that we want then. Our kids fulfill our lives and make us the people we’re supposed to be and I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂 Especially since right before my 3rd, I began having high blood pressure issues. I’m now constantly monitored by doctors and on 3 medications. My youngest had to be taken by C-section and I had my tubes tied for health reasons. If we had waited, we may not have had any children at all.

  116. I have 8 children…. well, 2 are now adults, 3 are teens, plus the 3 children…. I have also had 5 miscarriages, and I’ve heard just about every negative comment there is….but recognizing how God sees children and knowing that He says we can never “overpopulate” heaven, I was able to push through those negative comments (though, they did often hurt.)

    So many comments have come from the Christian community…. in fact, most of them….. the ones who come from unbelievers don’t hurt anyways, because you know they can’t understand…. but when Christians pelt you with those negative cliches about having children, you begin to doubt yourself and your calling…. it is very disappointing and discouraging.

    But the blessing of having my adults and teens now is not only that they are wonderful help with my younger kids (and that is their willing, lovingly giving good help, not me burdening them too young…) but also that I am now seeing the good fruit of raising these kids and pouring my life into them. It is a great blessing!

    It helps that we have homeschooled, too…. I had more time with my kids than many parents have had. Not that my kids haven’t had some of their own issues… they are still sinners in this “opposite world” but they have been raised with love and grace, and we are beginning to see how good that has been for them. They are a blessing to me…. every single one of them! I’d have more if I could. 🙂

  117. What a great post, Courtney! We are parents of three beautiful girls — and we are most blessed! I was able to resign from my job, to stay at home with our girls. It was one of the best decisions we made! The days pass by so quickly — in a blink! The person I was most fearful of telling my “news” to was, my mother. My mother, who could not have children, was very concerned with each pregnancy – primarily because she never carried a baby full term – and that was hard at the time. .I mistook her concern for my health as disappointment. (We had three children, in 4 years) Sometimes people are purposefully rude, but I think most times they have and untold story, and that is why they behave badly. As soon as each baby was born – my mother was ecstatic! Sadly, she passed away when they were 6,4,and 2, but she truly adored them! Sometimes I do wish we had started earlier — or had more — but I believe that God is sovereign and planned from the beginning of time, the exact due date of our children. I cannot imagine our lives without these precious girls. Our hearts continue to overflow with thankfulness to God.

  118. I’m 29, married, have been wanting kids, but I haven’t been able to get pregnant yet. From my perspective, I do hear a lot of negativity and/or complaining from moms about the trials of kids. I really do understand (not from personal experience) that being a mom and caring for children isn’t easy and can be difficult and trying. I do think moms need a chance to talk about that, get support, and not feel like a horrible mother because they’re struggling. However, sometimes I feel like it’s almost a contest to see who can sacrifice the most or be the most miserable to raise their children. There’s almost a perception that the more you sacrifice, the less sleep you get, the more showers you skip, the more you love your child. Of course that’s not the case. I think that may be where some of the stress comes from – mothers feeling like they need to do it all without help.

    That said, as someone who longs for children and hasn’t been able to yet, all the complaining is hurtful. I sometimes want to say, “I’d gladly trade you all your sleepless nights if only I could have a baby.”

    1. I agree so much with your post. After several years of trying, I was blessed with my first at age 30. I’m still hoping to be blessed with another someday. I would have traded anything to have that first baby, and would have traded anything for him to have a sibling to play with. I pray that you will soon know from personal experience just how much of a blessing a child can be — I can personally testify all of the time and effort to have and then raise a child is worth it!

  119. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for this post! What an encouragement this was to me at a time that honestly I need it the most! Thank you for your boldness, your honesty, and most importantly the scripture you pointed us all to.

  120. Wonderful post! I’m a 48 year old mom of 4 fantastic daughters, ages 22, 19, 16 and 12. When my husband and I got married, we were advised to wait to have kids: wait til you have had some time just the two of you; wait until you are out of school (Neal was in grad school, with several years left. He was 31, I was 24); wait until you have a good job; wait until you can afford it. We did NOT wait, and our first was born 10 1/2 months after our wedding day. What we noticed was that all of our friends stopped with two children. We both wanted a “big” family, but the common wisdom was that 2 is enough. Sad. We had our second daughter before Neal finished school, followed by 3 miscarriages and a still birth. Our 3rd living daughter was born after significant medical intervention and difficulty. We decided that the best course of action was to have a tubal ligation, otherwise I would either miscarry or spend an inordinate amount of time in the dr.s office. Although we now wish we had not quit so soon, God in His providence put it on our hearts to adopt, and we went to China in 2002 and brought home our 4th daughter, a precious 2 year old. As my husband and I look back at 23 years of marriage, our only regret has been that we did not have more children.

    Taking my little troupe shopping or to other public places, I would often get comments on how well behaved they are, but often that was followed with, “Just wait until they are teenagers!”. I am here to tell you that the notion of the teen years being necessarily dreadful is a lie. Love them, nurture them, teach them respect and obedience, and above all teach them and show them the love and fear of the Lord, and the terrible teen years will never come.

    So, all of you younger ladies, I admire and respect your grasping of the truth that children are a blessing from the Lord!

  121. I’m 27 and currently 8 weeks pregnant. It’s what I’ve dreamed of for so long. My husband and I married almost four years ago and due to financial situations decided to wait until we were a little more stable before starting our family. Well, God has blessed us tremendously because we conceived almost immediately. I keep telling my Bible study group that our lives right now are reflecting Abraham and Sarah’s. Walking in complete faith when strange new paths are thrown your way by God and what an adventure this has been.
    I’ve know for a very long time I was to be a mother. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I could hardly ever come up with an answer. Motherhood is what I wanted. Teaching and loving on children is my heart’s desire that comes straight from our Lord.
    I love the way this article states that it is a tremendous blessing and I totally see it that way. Through all the nausea, sleepiness, and dizziness, I thank God everyday for the reminder of the truly beautiful gift He has growing inside me. I’ve received a few comments (from those who don’t know I’m pregnant) about waiting for babies so you can “get your stuff out of the way”. It was so hard for me to sit straight faced through that. Being a mother is “my stuff”. It’s the purpose God gave me. That and to serve my husband!
    I pray every day that this pregnancy will be healthy and blessed and that God will give us the ability to give our sweet first born siblings one day. 🙂
    Thank you so much for sharing your heart!

  122. Thank you so much for this reminder Courtney! I have 2 little ones (3 years and 1), and sometimes it is a challenge, especially with the cultural expectations that moms should always have it all together. We try our best, and thank the Lord for their health and the little things are insignificant.

  123. Love this! What a great reminder! We have 2 children right now. Ages 2 and 3 months. They bring us such joy and entertainment, and I don’t know why people wouldn’t want a whole bunch of that! When I tell people that I want a lot of children, I get a lot of crazy looks! Its fun though.

    -Hannah

  124. Courtney, oh how true! I, too, bought into what opposite world had to say about children for many years and am still trying to rid myself of those thoughts. I married my high school sweetheart at 20 and bought into the lies that the best thing to do is wait to have children. I had my first child at 27 and my second at 29 and am pregnant with my third now at 32. My husband asks me regularly why we waited so long. I know that I cannot go back and change things but how many times have I thought about it and wished that I knew back then what I know now.

    I chose to go to college and get a job but struggled with never wanting a “career”. I hate hearing so many people telling my brother and his new wife (they are both 22) the same lies that I was told for years. Why should they wait to have children? Will they be able to even have children when they finally “get around to it”?

    God’s ways are the best ways and I have been struggling for several years to try to correct the mistakes that I have made in the past. I have heard it posed – why is it that we want so badly what God calls a curse (i.e. debt) and so badly curse what God calls a blessing (children)?

    Could I be so bold as to ask you to pray for me? My little one is due in less than 3 months and I am praying hard and trying to follow God’s leading in my life to be able to stay home with my little ones before this baby comes. I feel so strongly that God is leading me to stay home with my children and homeschool them but feel so confused and stressed out and do not know where to go from here. Any extra prayers would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you so much for your writings, Courtney. Your blog has had such an impact on my life and I am forever thankful for finding it as it was the spark that started these huge God changes in my life.

  125. God used a miscarriage to prompt us to consider adoption–a wonderful option for those who desire more children.

  126. We get that a lot. “You have two. You’re done now right?” And I always respond, “No. I’m not”. We would like more. We had our first when I was 19 and our second (4 months ago 🙂 ) when I was 23. We aren’t having them so close we can’t see straight yet people still think we should wait longer or not have any more. No one wanted us to have our second. And she is waay too cute to not have. Oh, I have stories about the things people have said. But I’m on my phone and my finger would get tired. 😉

  127. Having my quiet time today and came across a random pin @pintrest. I soooo needed to hear this today 🙂 With three boys at home it’s a mad house somedays, or at least just feels like it. My Hubby and I are working hard and planning on adopting several times from China in the coming years. So soon, I will be crossing over into a whole new camp of “are they all yours?”, ” couldn’t have any girls of your own?”, or “big family!” questions. I want to prepare my heart now so that I have a ready and joyful response!!

  128. I am in my 20’s and pregnant with my second little blessing. But some of the remarks I have been getting because my first born, my forever 2 angel, passed away in July. I was not expecting to give him a little brother or sister this soon, but I have been blessed. I thought my heart would never heal after I lost my little boy, and it’s not completely better, but knowing my tiny blessing growing inside me not only has the best big brother, but that big brother is also their guardian angel, it makes my heart happy, in a very sad way. And I would never try to replace my son, he opened my eyes to true love, and everyone thinks I’m trying to replace him, and it’s too soon to have this one. But I know in my heart, I would not have been blessed with this miracle if God didn’t think I could handle it.

    I just know my Angel boy is watching and smiling down on us. He wanted to be a big brother, and I know he’s not here to enjoy it physically, but he will still be there with us, every step of the way.

    1. Brittany,

      My heart breaks for you. I have a forever five year old son in heaven waiting for me, too. I was pregnant when he passed, four years ago this July. I got many of the same comments, especially from people who didn’t know I was already pregnant before his accident. People are so heartless and insensitive. The truth is, God knows what you need to help you heal! And you’re right, God doesn’t expect to replace your son, only to multiply your love! For a time, the last thing I wanted was another baby because I hurt so deeply at his loss, but eventually I realized the love that I gave and received in caring for this newborn was exactly the salve I needed to mend.

      We have six children, including the one in heaven. We married young and started having babies young. I was 20 when I gave birth to my first. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mommy. At first I heard, “You’re too young.” and “What if you end up getting divorced?” What’s worse is that from the second pregnancy on, I’ve had family, friends and complete strangers say things like, “Don’t you know what’s causing it?” or “You’re getting your tubes tied this time, right?”

      I keep wondering when it became taboo to have more than one or two children. Why is it irresponsible or undesirable to have 6, 7, 8+ children? I grew up an only child and so did my husband. We both hated every single moment of it! Furthermore, having ONE child is hard work! You’re all the child has! Having multiple children is a breeze! There’s always someone to play with and an extra set of hands to refill a sippy cup for the 80th time or pick up that dropped passi for the thousandth time!

  129. There are two sides to everything. For those women that want to focus on their career instead of having babies immediately. Maybe that is a good thing. Because something tells me that there would be mothers knocking them for working and having babies! We would say that it’s a shame for those babies to be in daycare. The mother should be raising them. maybe, though that mother felt like God called her to be a nurse or a teacher for a few years first. That’s ok. That is between her and God! The size of your family or how young yo were when you started having babies doesn’t mean that you will be more blessed then the parents that were older when they married or waited a few years to start a family. Sometimes I honestly feel that parents that have baby after baby after baby like to hold it out there for every one to see almost like they are using to send those who choose differently on a guilt trip. That is just as WRONG as the people that make snide remarks about the large families! I personally find it rather self righteous and something of a “look at me attitude”. Almost like those with large families like to carry it around like a badge of honor they have given themselves. Bottom line; everyone is entitled to their own opinion and interpretation of how many children God meant for them when He said, “be fruitful and multiply”. And for those of us who choose to only have a couple of children it doesn’t mean that we have “chosen to buy into society’s lies about children”. You are as blessed by your children as YOU choose to be whether that is 1, 2, 7, or 13 children!

    1. You’re right. Though I wish I could have had more, I don’t judge those who have fewer. Some are meant to have no children at all. Some are meant to work with children, some are meant to stay at home. I think parenting is one of the biggest “hot topics” there are out there. I get so tired of seeing everyone judge each other and ridicule others choices. To each their own! It’s only our business to follow the path that God has for our lives- not tell everyone else how to live theirs. And that goes for any side you take 🙂

    2. thank you for your post…it speaks to my heart on so many fronts. I loved working with children until I had my own, and then all I wanted was my own babies……now mine are older and I enjoy working with the young ones again, but I know God called me at the time to work with them(not to mention He didn’t give me my husband till I was older!!!)

  130. Perhaps I’m the only one that this post made me feel awful. I have just 2 children they are 10 years apart and although I love them deeply I would not want more. Being pregnant for me was not hard but after the birth of each I had a horrible time. I suffered horribly from depression, I felt like such a failure that I wasn’t enjoying motherhood. I had all these people around me telling me what a gift it was and yet I was completely miserable. My first 2 years with my 1st born were so bad I considered sterilization so that I wouldn’t be able to have more but I didn’t want to upset my husband. After my first husband left me and I was a single mom things did get better but when I remarried and we found out I was pregnant I actually considered suicide. I was so afraid to go through it all again. My husband was very supportive and took time off work to help me adjust after the baby came and now my youngest is 7 and things are good. I do love both of my kids and I wouldn’t wish them away for anything but I also believe that motherhood is not easy for everyone and that many times when you get negative comments it’s because other mothers have had a struggle and their fear is just reflecting in their words.
    I’m not sure why I struggled with motherhood so much and to be truthful I still do I always feel like a failure as far as my kids are concerned and that I must be broken to have struggled with my “role” so badly. But it doesn’t make me a bad Christian just because the thought of having children doesn’t fill me with great joy.

    1. You’re not the only one who feels bad. I read this last night and was so heartbroken I couldn’t bring myself to comment. I’m 21 and, based on the comments, one of few women here who does not have kids yet.

      And I don’t want to. I have a wonderful nephew and a gorgeous niece and it’s not that I don’t like kids. I just don’t want to have them myself. I’m terrified of pregnancy and yes what it might do to my body. I don’t want the responsibility of parenting. I also struggle with depression even now but more than anything I suffer from misophonia. It’s a new concept to the medical wotld and they are continuing to learn more but it’s basically a hatred of sound. Everyone can be irritated by different noises but this can cause emotions of rage and hatred and in some cases causes a person to become violent.

      Therr are plenty of noises that kids make that instantly trigger a mean angry response from me. I’ve noticed it with my niece and nephew. I have had nightmares about hurting my own children before and I am completely afraid that this condition makes it impossible for me to have kids. I feel like I should just do what I can to avoid it but after reading this I don’t know what to do. I try to wholly accept the role God designed for me but more often than not it’s hard to do.

      1. Katie,
        My heart breaks for your struggle and confusion and all I can say is whatever choice you make or whatever God brings to your life. He will give you the tools and resources to not only make it through but to prosper in doing so. I truly believe just like every child who is born to a mother is different so is every child of God and he knows what his plans are for us even if they seem strange or different to those around us. I will pray for you Katie to have peace in your life as you seek to follow God where ever he may take you.

      2. You should not feel bad because Courtney’s post. The way I understood her post,she is talking about all the negative comments mothers with large family gets. She is not saying that moms with large families should judge the other mothers with small families all the contrare. She just saying that people in their self fish acts preferr other things then having children, you have a health issue that is not being self fish.. if Lord has given you peace of the children you have you should not let these post affect you in anyway. I am a mother of 3 girls and one the way, and when I was pregnant with my third I would get mean comments from people like this better be your last, the area that I work I work with lots of customers, and people who didn’t even know me were rude, so I understand Courtney’s post completly I never sat around and judge other ladies because they only had one or two. Don’t buy into Satan’s lie and live condemened.. When I was single before marring my husband I suffered with depression and fear, I thought if one day I had babies I could hurt them, but when I had my daughter God used my baby girl to seek recovery because my heart changed for this baby girl and I wanted to be well and whole for this precious baby that God had entrusted me I suffered with Depression, fear, anxiety, for 3 to 4 years. God is a healer and He healed me completly!!! I am soo thankful to my Lord and Saviour that was 10 years ago…. now I am well off on to my fourth child and I know His grace is sufficient!! I pray for you and hope you don’t Satan you feed you lies and you live unhappy and feeling like a failure.

      3. I really think the heart of her post is to encourage those who have large families, and to challenge others not to be hurtful in their comments to/about those families.

        I really don’t believe she thinks it’s sinful for one person not to choose to have children. It seems you do have an illness that would make motherhood quite difficult, and you are seeking God’s will. He will never lead you wrong. Trust that, and don’t feel guilty for following Him!

        My husband and I have decided to trust God in his timing for building our family. Which means we don’t really try or prevent. (I suppose not preventing does mean we’re trying, and we do hope we get pregnant, but we don’t by ovulation kits, etc.) But with that being said, you can trust God just as much by preventing, if that is indeed how He leads you! Hopefully you’ll receive clarity about this soon!

      4. Katie,

        I knew from the time I was 6 years old that I didn’t want kids.

        I’m 27 and married now. I still feel the same way as I did when I was 6. We’re not having children.

        I never had the desire to be a mother. Sure, motherhood is a calling, but it’s not God’s calling for every woman. I know it’s not God’s calling for me. And that’s totally fine.

        Sounds to me like you’re already accepting the role God has for you. God’s role for women isn’t limited to motherhood. 🙂

    2. No, you are not a bad Christian because kids do not feel you with joy. I love my kids and wanted more but since my 3rd, I’ve struggled with depression and felt overwhelmed. I had to work through feeling like a bad mother and Christian…I don’t ever want to judge someone else for the path God leads them to. I grew up being self righteous and I’m asking God to make me a better person. I faced a lot of negativity when it came to how we chose to have our babies and raise them, but negativity can go both ways. You seem to be a wonderful person and you’ve felt guilty because of the expectations people have put on you. You’re definitely not a failure 🙂

  131. We have five grown children and eight grandchildren so far and I have married young and had my first at 19 and heard all those comments.. But, I will always tell young mothers that having a baby will change their lives forever. It’s a positive thing. My life has been forever changed by our children and I can’t imagine it any other way.

  132. It breaks my heart. We have three children- 3 1/2, 2 1/2, and 9 months. We get it all the time.
    Our society is definitely backwards.
    How true that “For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’
    Incredible.

  133. Opposite World. Oh, how we fight against it all the time. We have 5 children, the oldest still only 5 years old when the youngest was born (and no multiples). The amount of comments we received while I was pregnant and to this day about the number of children we have was and still is ridiculous. And yet, I don’t get discouraged. I smile proudly and say, “Yes, these are all my children. And, yes, we wanted every single one.” I couldn’t imagine my life without them. And I am the very last person to say negative things to my pregnant friends, even when they may complain myself. I am so very convinced of the GIFT that children are, I try to remind moms of that, even when they may forget. That doesn’t mean I don’t have days when I am frustrated or exasperated. But, my, what a gift, a treasure they are. And, though we are finished biologically, we still feel God is calling us to adoption. The journey continues (as I am sure the comments will). But walking in the Lord’s way is so, so worth it.

  134. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with my 1st child and in my early 30s. I have to agree that 9 out of 10 comments I get are negative. People are so opinionated about pregnancy and babies, it shocks me. Thanks for pointing us back to the true gift children really are!

  135. Thank you for this post! This is my first visit to your page. I’m a newlywed with no children thus far, but I am so excited to start, Lord willing, and I have definitely experienced the negativity from others even in just talking about having children at my age (26) and especially when I talk about wanting to have more than two! I pray that more women will begin to see being a mother as a gift and a blessing and a wonderful, sweet calling. (I realize not having any children, I haven’t experienced the crazy days personally but I trust that each moment will be worth it!)

  136. In September of last year, my husband and I decided it was time to expand our family. We had a two year old daughter that was such a joy and we figured there was no better time than now to try for number 2. My pregnancy with my daughter was very complicated and I went into “trying for number 2” with some anxiety that it would take a long time. You can imagine our surprise when it happened right away. A few weeks later, we found out that I was actually carrying fraternal twins – a COMPLETE shock to us in every way!! I am now 33 weeks pregnant with these boy/girl twins and getting more negative comments than I ever thought possible. “Wow – 3 under 3…you sure will have your hands full!” It’s gotten to the point where I have found MYSELF talking negatively about this pregnancy or rolling my eyes in a playful way when someone inquires about the upcoming arrivals. WHAT?! How did I even get to this point? This post is spot-on and exactly what I needed to be reminded about what a blessing and an absolute gift these babies are. Yes, life will be crazy and yes, we will have our hands full. But, YES we are blessed – far beyond what we could ever have imagined. These children are a gift and I need to remember that on a daily basis instead of focusing on all of the negative. Thank you for such an encouraging read!!

  137. I love this! This is how I feel about my kids but never had the words to describe it…Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. My husband and I get judged all of the time because we don’t go out drinking all night with our friends living it up (frankly most of our friends have dropped off our radar because of this and I’m just fine with that) and we don’t go splurge on fancy vacations. My husband and I both work full time jobs, I would love to be a stay at home mom but right now we can’t afford that, so in the evenings and on weekends our kids go wherever we go be it in the tractor with daddy for a few hours or to a meeting with me. I feel in these moments (as I get dirty glares for showing up with my kids) I am showing my kids what I value in life, what hobbies I have! My son is raising money right now for Relay For Life in honor of his great aunt who has had breast cancer 3 times. It’s because he has been at Relay meetings, fundraisers & events his whole life that he understands the importance of this “fun” time with mommy! My husband constantly gets nagged at from my mother in law because she doesn’t get to babysit our daughter (long story short my son is from my first marriage and 99% of my inlaws want nothing to do with him because he isn’t from my husband) why would I pawn her off on someone else when it was our choice to bring her into this world. We just don’t go anywhere BOTH of our kids can’t go and we have our alone time once the kids go to bed and that is enough for both of us!

  138. This post is such an eye opener to me! My husband and I just got home from a weekend away alone together, which rarely happens with 3 boys! It was an amazing weekend, and one of the main topics we were discussing was whether or not to go for number 4 🙂
    We hear all the time from family, and society that we have our “fair share” of children and “You guys are obviously done right?”.
    But I don’t feel done, We want to add to our family. We love being parents, and I feel that being a mother is what God has called me to do, its not a thorn in my side where I day dream about the day my parenting responsibilities have come to an end.
    This post reminds me that the world doesn’t have a Godly perspective, nor does a lot of our family, so listening to them isn’t where we need to focus our energy.

  139. ahaha… I can say it… HATERS! lol…
    Sorry… all babies are blessings. I have 3 and want 3 more (already have names picked out… Xion (Zion), Xoie (Zoey), and Alijah)… but I’m starting to really question giving birth to 3 more in this economy/state of the world. I’ve been seriously discussing (further down the road) fostering to adopt with my husband. That way instead of bringing more children into the world to possibly suffer… maybe be a blessing to those already here.

  140. I so believe children are a blessing. I love my 3 precious blessings! But what about women who struggle with infertility? I have several friends who feel so ‘less then’ especially by the Christian community because they are not physically able to bear children. I think we need to be very careful here and consider the position of infertile couples because many feel that God does not want to ‘bless’ them with children or perhaps they aren’t worthy enough to have children or are being punished. And they are couples who deeply love Jesus. Just because you aren’t able to have to have children does not mean you aren’t blessed. Blessings come in many different forms. I realize you are specifically talking about children, but when my infertile friends read something like this they are wounded all over again. Qualifications need to be made when discussing this topic.

    1. Thanks! As a person who struggled through infertility for years, I often felt more out of place at church than anywhere else, being childless. Sermons always seemed to focus on that fact that children were a gift from God or that you could never even begin to understand the love God has for us unless you had children and knew how much you loved them. I now have two miracles (one through adoption and one conceived biologically), but those years of infertility always make me deeply aware of the pain infertile couples face. I appreciate your comment. 🙂

    2. Thank you for saying this. As someone who didn’t go on to collage, always dreamed of being a mom from the time I could talk, and started trying as soon as we could, I have now been struggling for years with infertility. Like you both said, the church is one of the hardest places. Ironically, the ones posting about the hurt of comments made to them about their kids, are the ones most likely to say those very hurtful things about those of us without kids.

      The pain is very deep and raw, so for those reading this, please be careful with those you come in contact with who don’t have kids, with the words you use ,and how you boast about motherhood. It’s a very hard job, boast about it with other moms, grandma’s, etc., but be careful with the marrieds without kids. 🙂 Infertility is a LOT more common then you might think and not something that everybody feels comfortable talking about.

  141. We have 10, 7 birth and 3 adopted. No, we didn’t wait until we were “finished” to adopt….We adopted a sibling group that blended right around the birth ages. Everyone gave us the doom stories. Has it been easy? No way. Have we had many of the issues that people talked about? Absolutely! Would we do it again? Absolutely! We know now and knew then that God was calling us to do exactly what we did…..and thus we are comfortable and content even in the trying times with some of the kids and the little one reminds us of the blessings abundant when the teen challenges us! I expect that the grand kids will remind us of those blessings when the little ones now are trying us for independence!

  142. I could not agree more! Society and well-meaning relatives told me that I shouldn’t be having more, and pressed upon me to have permeant measures taken to stop God’s blessings in my life(I didn’t know God’s love at the time). Oh, how I wish I had NOT listened! For those moms of many, count yourself BLESSED, for you are doing God’s work, regardless of if you have one kid that feels like twenty or twenty that feel like a group of your best friends! Don’t give in, keep leaning on God and KNOW you are doing God’s work!
    Don’t let the world steal God’s full intended joy in your lives! You don’t serve the world, you serve the KING of the universe!

  143. I am nearly 23, and have been happily married for 4 1/2 years. I married right out of high school pretty much and everyone told me I was dumb. I had our first child at 21 and people said I was too young. Now, our daughter is 14 months old and I am 3 months pregnant with our second. When my neighbor found out that these kids will be ‘only’ 20 months apart she said “I’m sorry”. I didn’t even know what to say, I just sat there. I usually think of things I should have said later on, so I never did get to comment on that. I totally know what you mean when you talk about opposite world.

  144. We just had our 7th kid in 9yrs. We married young and poor but feel like the “richest” family with all our blessings (marriage, kids, health)! Each child has taught us soooo much, I wouldn’t change a thing!! I am often asked about more babies and never say “No more” and it freaks people out! I just laugh and giggle. I feel my calling is to show the crazy love big families bring. I get all the comments from “don’t y’all have cable” (which we don’t) to “all from the same dad?” (Must be from so many blended families, I’m guessing) but overall my babies have made me a better person. They continue to teach me patience, compassion, humility and unconditional love!!! I believe mothering was my calling…and I did get tons of criticizing vommdnts for never finishing college, never traveling the world and sacrificing my body. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!!! I’m blessed and thankful daily that God has given us these lil sweeties!! I’m honored and humbled to tears some days at my job. But God is my Father and I strive to be like Him!! Great article!!! Absolutely in love with your line of thinking!!

  145. What a beautiful story! Having a large family is a blessing! I had once told the man I married and had 3 children with that I wanted as many children as the Lord would bless me with. He balked and said “maybe 2”. Well, 3 was what the Lord gave me, and I’m quite content. My quiver is full. I was also 29 when I gave birth to my first child, and I have never experienced such joy and selfless love ever in my life. They have changed my outlook on what life is about. Being pregnant was very hard on me, with my body gaining 120lbs the first time around. A whole adult person or adolescent child!! Through my pregnancies though, eventually it was revealed that I had two pituitary tumors that were causing my troubles. What a blessing to be pregnant with those hormonal issues! I had always thought that if I wasn’t able to conceive, I would adopt. Fertility treatments weren’t an option. Didn’t want to put my body through it, and the disappointment, and money that could be used to adopt (don’t be upset women, these are my opinions and no reflection on those who are on fertility treatments). At 50 years old going on 51, I’m now looking forward to becoming a grandmother someday, and am praying that the Lord is shaping my sons’ wives to be (they’re out there somewhere) to be godly women seeking out God’s will for their lives, and their childrens’. If my sons have them younger (my oldest is 21), then what a blessing, if they have them when they’re older in life, such as Abraham (I’m hoping that won’t happen when my sons are 100 years old – LOL), it is still a blessing. May the Lord bless you and your family, no matter how many children you have.

  146. I have the opposite problem. We have one child (who took 3 years to conceive after 3 miscarriages) and people keep asking me when I’m going to have another one. It’s none of their business! I can’t have another one. Perhaps if I’d met my husband earlier (we were 28) and we didn’t have any fertility issues, we could have had another one. I wish my child had a sibling. I think people should mind their own business about how many children a woman has. It’s such a personal decision.

  147. I am 27 and there are no prospects for marriage in sight. That’s not to say I’m wallowing in self-pity; I have served in the Americorps for a year and I am currently on the mission field in Spain, and I will be going to graduate school next year. I am thankful for the way God’s plan for my life is unfolding, but it rips my heart to hear negative comments like these about pregnancy or motherhood. I sit there listening to them thinking, “If I had to choose between all the stamps on my passport or exciting notes on my resume, and the experience of carrying and raising a child (with a godly husband), I’d take the latter in a heartbeat.” I know I can speak for many women who are wondering if they will ever have biological children when I say, please soak up every drop of the blessing God has given you! Don’t deem a burden what so many others ache to have!

  148. I love being able to read something so refreshing. I like many, have received so many negative comments towards my husband and I having kids. We have a 3, 2, 1 and #4 is due the end of June. Yes, I am busy! Yes, there are days where I feel like I could pull my hair out, however, doesn’t *everyone* have those kind of days? We always tell those who feel the need to comment that we feel our children are blessings. No, we may not have fancy vehicles, but our children have plenty of food, clothing, and a stable home. And they know they’re loved.

    So many times we hear, “How many kids are you going to have?” And my response has always been “How ever many God blesses us with”

    People may think we’re crazy, but we love it.

  149. I have four children and so often get the “are they all yours?” comment. I usually respond with an “of course!” But, surprisingly, I would always get the “you have your hands full” comment. Even with only three children! It’s crazy that people actually see three children as a big family now!

  150. Love this reminder! I’m a mother of 4 little ones and I believe it’s possible to flourish in this stage of life. It’s only come through a whole lot of humility in front of the Lord, but through this process God has strengthened my faith in Him like no other experience could have done. Praise the Lord for my children and for what God has done in my heart because of them!

  151. love this! I have 3 kids and want more. I get plenty of negative comments. I started young but not really that young at 22. Most people think I am crazy for wanting a bunch of kids. Especially with an 1100 square foot house and minister for a husband. I appreciate your post on this subject. I wish more people understood what a blessing children really are.

  152. This post hit home in so many ways for me. My dh and I also waiting until after college and starting a career before having our first child (she was born exactly 6.5 years after we married). Eventually, we told God we were done. When we finally repented, I was getting older (and didn’t know anyone my age having babies). We waited, years. I finally came to a place where I had to accept that there might not be anymore babies and I grieved. In God’s mercy and grace, He sent us a blessing two years ago. Then I saw first hand how anti-child our culture has become. I have never been more shocked at the audacity of complete strangers, fellow Christians, and family to deride such a wonderful time in any woman’s life. The hostility increased this past year as we were again blessed to carry a child.

    What happened to “minding your own business” or “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” I really felt like I was swimming upstream the past three years and tried very hard to extend grace to all the rude people. If we hope to change this reaction, however, we are going to have to start by teaching the Church to think the way God thinks and then live it out. Repent Church. We have taken hold of the sin of the world’s child-hating, self-serving life for the Abundant Life.

  153. Great post! I think we should just be still, listen, and WAIT for God’s timing (whether early, late, or in the middle of our child-bearing years). As it turns out, I didn’t meet the love of my life, my soul-mate, until I was 39. It wasn’t that I was putting other things first, although I did get my education and have a career. It was that I was waiting for God’s choice for me. Guess what? That choice turned out to be a wonderful man of God who was also a young widower. He not only needed the right wife but a mother for his young son. And, that person was ME! We were open to more children, even at my “advanced” age, and we got pregnant almost immediately. Now we have two beautiful, happy boys. And we heard the comments – and continue to hear them – about having babies late. The most common one is – “He must have been a surprise.” We always just tell them, that no, he was wanted and we are blessed. The best response to anyone who has a negative opinion, whether in the church or not, is “We are blessed to rely on God’s plan and His timing.”

  154. We have been blessed with six children. My odest is 21 and my youngest is 3. We have received many negative comments over the years over the number and the number of years between children. The one that I remember the most was from my ob/gyn doctor that delivered my 5th child. The whole time I was pregnant with my fifth my doctor tried to talk me into having my tubes tied stating that I didn’t need to have anymore that I had plenty. I knew I wanted to have six children and did have my sixth several years later. Over the years I have wondered how many women listened to that doctor and missed the blessing of more children.

  155. We recently found out that I am expecting our 4th child. I cried when that test was positive because we were supposed to ever have one! We started with adoption. Just one month after the adoption of our daughter was finalized, we found out we were expecting baby number 2. Then when the baby was 7 months old, our daughter’s biological brother was placed with us. Now, our kids are 11 (just a couple weeks shy of 12), 9, and 2 1/2 with one on the way. All of this after losing a baby, struggles through the adoption process, and days when I would lie in misery and cry out to God saying, “You know my heart, you know how desperately I want to be a Mama, is that not what You have for me??” Little did I know that was EXACTLY what His plan was all along, I just needed to get out of the way and let Him handle it! We now homeschool and I get to just be Mom, which is all I ever wanted. Praise God for each and every one of these little people He has so blessed me with. My life is richer and fuller because of them.

  156. It is opposite world. I just found out that we are pregnant with our fourth child and was so afraid to tell anyone because I was always asked if I wanted more and then before answering I was giving the lecture on how bad it would be to have more after all three fit in a smaller car perfectly, it’s easier on activities, you can take them more places because you can afford more, you can live in a smaller home, and so many more you wouldn’t even think of on your own. Anyways I did announce it rather suddenly over dinner and told my family that if they had anything negative to say they could keep it to themselves and only my sister on the phone had some negative concerns. I don’t know what they planned on it’s to late for concerns lol. This is a surprise pregnancy but I am starting to get excited it is a blessing and I can’t wait to meet him/her. PS I got married at 19 and six months later we were pregnant with our first I was 20 when we had him. We now have a 9, 6, and 4 year old. I’m 29 and my hubby is 32. We could have waited but look at what we would have missed out on.

    1. One more thing, we homeschool so now I’m hearing about how I need to put my children into school because I can’t possibly handle having a baby and doing school. Seriously? I wish people would understand that when God calls you it’s time to obey and if they don’t understand just be as supportive as possible we can’t all understand what God’s asked of others. Aside from that I already watch a one year old and his five year old sister what’s one more of my own?

  157. I am so surprised by this! I never ONCE experienced any of the negativity that is being described here. I have three children, my first we adopted when I was 20, the other two are birth children that I had at 25 and 27. I was a young mom and I DID get some looks when I was 20 and had a three year old holding my hand, but it was usually from older women checking to make sure I had a ring on my finger. And always once they heard the story of how our oldest came to live with us we were showered with praise. Pregnant with my third, all I ever heard was “congrats, you must be so happy”!

    1. I’m with you….I do get the “are they twins” about my younger two, and the “you have your hands full” about being the mom with three boys under 5–but I just smiled and said “I sure do!!!” Anyone with multiple preschool children does have their hands full…..even if it is a good thing. I never took those comments as offensive, and the only person who ever commented negatively when I announced my pregnancies was my own mom…..everyone else congratulated me.

  158. Just found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. And what a shock it was! My husband and I were married last July and I have been fastidious with the pill. We are that less-than-one percent that beats birth control. However, even though it’s terribly inconvenient (timing-wise, anyways), I do believe that children are a gift from God. I find it a little sad that there is so much hate and judgement about being a mom in this current world. You are either too young, too old, have too many, don’t have enough, only stay-at-home, or are an evil working mom. It seems you can never win! My husband is starting graduate school in the fall and I am currently finishing up the first year of a 5 or 6 year PhD program. I absolutely love what I am studying and God has made it very clear that this school is the place for me. I usually have no problem brushing off judgement and marching to the beat of my own drum, but I’m a bit nervous about telling people about my pregnancy in the months to come. I worry that women at church will judge me because I am choosing to stay in school (hello, my stipend pays the bills!) and place my child in daycare. (Doesn’t mean I will love this child any less). On the other hand, I am worried that my classmates will judge me for being careless and having a child so early in graduate school. By reading many of the above comments, I truly believe that we, as women, need to extend grace to all moms in all circumstances. We can never fully understand what another woman is going through!

    1. this goes back to my comment about the “mommy wars” mom’s today just can’t do anything right. I got the same when I was physically unable to breast feed my boys…..I felt like every billboard was screaming at me what a horrible mom I was!!!! Needless to say, my bottle fed boys are well adjusted, love their mom, don’t have childhood obesity issues, are highly intelligent, and didn’t starve to death like they would have if I had nursed!!! LOL Gotta love how we who are doing the hardest job on earth like to tear each other down..Congrats on your pregnancy, (all of mine were “gifts of God in spite of my best efforts” too 1 on bc, 1 because I “forgot” and one was a condom baby), and good luck in you academic pursuits!!!

  159. This is beautifully said and just what I needed to hear! I am pregnant with my 5th(Lord willing not my last) and I hear all the negative and much worse since I always have my older two homeschool children with me when they should be in “school!” I love reading your blog it is so encouraging! ~ Blessings!!

  160. I loved what you said about thanking God for giving us so much when the enemy whispers – this is too much. Like some other women above I have also lost a child, and I think it’s definitely helped me to be grateful for each day I get to spend with the 2 children that God has allowed me to look after. When I get tired of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep again and again, I remind myself what a blessing that I have him at all.

    I also live in a community where it’s unusual to see a mother looking after her own child, let alone her two children. I get the comment: ‘wow, its such hard work to look after kids, how do you do it by yourself, and with two?!’ You’ve encouraged me to think about my response, and how I should be giving glory to God by pointing out what a gift and blessing my children are. Thank you.

  161. Children are indeed a blessing. However, I’m a little concerned about the tone of some of the comments that imply a woman is more spiritual/godly if she has many children. God has a plan for each one of us and those plans are as individual and varied as we are. Some women are capable of caring for a large family with ease, while another woman may be totally overwhelmed by two or three. Some women are called to remain single, some have careers, some choose to stay home, and some struggle with infertility. I think that as Christian women we need to work hard to encourage one another and build each other up, regardless of the choices we make regarding the size of our families.

    1. I agree Lori. I feel saddened that many mothers have experienced judgement from others about their choice to have a large family at a young age, but the tone of this blog makes it seem like that is the only way to be a Christian woman. I am 27, getting married to my 30 y/o fiance in four days, starting graduate school and a new career. I don’t believe I am any less a Christian because we are choosing to wait until my 30s to start having children and it’s offensive to have that insinuated by other Christians.

    2. I got the same impression reading this article. Waiting to have kids is not always a “selfish” decision. I WANTED to have kids young. I always assumed I”d be DONE by the time I turned 27. That was the deadline I had given myself my whole life. I’d start young, have them all close together, and be done by 27, at the latest 30. But here I am, turned 27 last week, and still have never even had a BOYFRIEND much less a husband and kids. And I’m having to face the music that I’m living in my own personal OPPOSITE WORLD, the world totally opposite of the one I planned for myself, because that’s where God has me. And Im thankful for all the opportunities he’s given me in the meantime that I never expected or planned. I actually was brought up in a part of the country where the society expects that you have kids young and have many, but part of God’s plan for me was to call me to a part of the country where this is not the norm – and as a result it’s caused a bit of an identity crisis, but thankfully, since I live in a part of the country where it’s the norm, when i cry about how I’m so much older than I thought I would be getting married and having kid (if EVER at this point), people around me have the mentality that I’m young, and it’s actually an ENCOURAGEMENT, and really the only way I could get through it. This post sent me into a bit of an emotional tailspin, and I know that wasn’t her intention – as I know many people were encouraged by it – but for me it was a reminder that everythign I ever thought was right, WAS right, and the life I’m living is not in line with what I always thought was right – despite the fact that I have no control over the matter.

      So basically, what I’m saying is that not everyone who waits until they’re older to have kids did it by choice. I pray daily, as I have been since I was young, that God will bring me a husband and kids, but since he has yet to answer that pray, he’s brought me into some amazing ministry opportunities and professional experiences that allow me to serve others. If that’s his will for me, I’m just gonna try to enjoy the ride. I talk about this a lot on my own personal blog, danielleinthecity.blogspot.com

  162. Hello, I’ve received some comments, as we are pregnant with our 3rd, I’m 24 and we got married 5 years ago. (We’d probably have more at this point, but my husband was deployed a lot when we were first married.) most of the comments have centered around the fact that we have a boy and a girl already. So, apparently, now we will be, uneven, imperfect…and well…we just went and broke the mold of “Little American Family.” Oh well! We plan to have as many as God wants, whether that’s through adoption or more biological babies! Having said that though, we are extremely satisfied with what God has already given us! The point, it’s up to Him…and like I’ve seen other Christian women say, I’d hate to tell God that I don’t want another a gift…an eternal one, at that!!! I have had a lot of personal issues with allowing God to have control of my womb, mostly, because I am physically needing a break. But I’ve recently learned that it’s all about knowing what God wants from you in the different seasons you are in. And I’m at peace with that! I am SO VERY BLESSED to have my two and one on the way!!! Children are such a blessing directly from God! I’m just happy He’s chosen ME, (Of all people!??!) to be the mama of these little ones =) Thank you for your post, it was very timely.

    1. Just a thought on the whole “telling God no to a gift” idea……..if He can give Mary an immaculate conception, isn’t kind of limiting to assume He can’t work around your best efforts to prevent a pregnancy? I have three “blessings in spite of my best efforts” children, and one of my best friends #4 and only much desired son was AFTER her husband’s vasectomy. Don’t assume you are more powerful than God by taking a little round pill or a shot or even surgery!!!!! My God is bigger than that!!!!! 😉

  163. I got pregnant at 19 and married the father three months later. Between 1972 and 1986, we had four kids and one miscarriage, and tons of remarks. All of our kids were planned (by the Lord, at least LOL) and we loved being parents, despite many trials and tragedies, including the death of our oldest at 21 in a car wreck. We made sure our oldest knew from the time she was a tyke that, although Mommy got pregnant before she and Daddy got married, we never regretted having her. As she got older, we added that we only wished we had waited and done it God’s way, and we hoped she would, but that we were so happy to have her and God loved her very much, just like we did.

    Eventually, she started calling herself “Mommy’s oopsy baby” as a joke and by the time she was a teen, she was determined to wait to have sex until her wedding night. This caused her to lose a lot of boyfriends, actual and potential, but she was firm.

    She was a virgin when she died, and afterwards her boyfriend told us that they’d discussed marriage and having kids some day and had agreed to wait. Lisa, strongly pro-life, had always wanted to adopt biracial kids or family groups (following the admired axample of a family in our church who had adopted four girls, one Caucasian, one Chinese, and two Columbian sisters). “I want a dozen,” she declared, and he told her if they could maybe start with three, she had a deal.

    I wish we’d had a chance to see what her life would have been like, but we know she’s with the Lord she loved all her life. And I’d absolutely do it again. Big families are wonderful!

    1. What a beautiful message…..I love the way you explained it to your Daughter and the beautiful stand she took. I’m sorry for your loss….but you have been a blessing to me today

  164. I married at 19, had my first child at 21, and my second at 23. Now here I am 18 years later and I am so very, very glad we did things just the way we did them. It was perfect! When I was in my 20s and had the energy that only a young 20 something can have, I had my littles to run after. Now I’m pushing 40 and I have two teenagers and it’s great. We did not wait to marry like so many thought we should. Thus we were able to start our family within a couple of years of marriage and those were decisions that have consistently served us so well. Absolutely, positively no regrets here!

  165. Thank you so much for writing this! I have one baby (9 months) and we would love to have more. So often though, I find myself battling the thoughts that children are a burden or that having more will mean I will have less time for myself. My daughter is such an amazing gift!! There are hard days, for sure, but she is always a gift. I find myself having to battle my flesh and selfishness, and I continually have to ask God to help me when I have a bad attitude. Thanks so much for the reminder that children are a blessing from the Lord! I pray God will give us many of these blessings.

  166. It’s possible it wasn’t anything culturally sinister, and just the experiential memory of the difficulties of infancy. It’s something parents know intimately, and it’s SUCH a defining experience in life. As the unspeakable joys increase, so do the unimaginable life changes. It’s difficult. That stuff doesn’t take away from the blessings – in contrasts and is in addition to. When my infant twins are screaming in their car seats, there’s no joy in that – there just isn’t. At most there is gratitude they are still breathing. That doesn’t take away from the times the three of us are on the bed laughing away in pure, pristine, innocent gladness – it’s just an additional experience.

  167. When I had a miscarriage shortly after getting married when I was 22 I had more than one person ask “Was it planned?” I absolutely hate that question and the implication that children are something that need to be planned for years ahead of time instead of the gifts that they are. I’m now 24 with one beautiful toddler and another one on the way. It’s not always easy giving my youth and the strength of my body to these children but I love them so much and am so blessed in my growing family. I also always think of my husband, who is the 7th of 8 kids. His parents were not rich and I’m sure they were overwhelmed sometimes. If they hadn’t chosen to be so generous my husband never would have been born. Hurrah for getting married and having babies young!

  168. Thank you for this blog post. It needed to be said. Yes, I have received those comments meant to steal my joy in my babies and so did many of clients (former homebirth midwife, now a doula, CBE, lactation counselor and herbalist).

    I would encourage you to consider changing your words in the future to mention breastfeeding. Just refraining from saying bottles can be an encouragement to a mom who may be struggling with the decision to breastfeed (Opposite World), or who may have heard over and over and over and OVER again how hard it must be to breastfeed and shouldn’t she use bottles so *someone else* can feed her baby?

    Just a thought.

    Thanks again,

    1. Just another thought from someone who was unsuccessful all three times she tried…..it is very difficult for those of us who can’t or choose not to to always have breast is best implied to us. I cried every time I passed a bill board, or saw a commercial and felt like I was a horrible mom because medically I couldn’t breast feed. I tried in spite of failing all three times and I failed with all three. All three of my children are well adjusted, were never propped with a bottle, none have weight issues, and are of above average intelligence. None had digestive or immune issues (in fact they are rarely sick even to this day and almost never went to the dr for illnesses as babies or small children) Please, please, please stop making those of us who can’t breastfeed feel like second class citizens.

  169. I laughed as I read your blog because I have experienced much of it. My hubby and I got married when I was 21 (he was 25). When we got engaged, we decided to wait 5 years before kids. Our decision would allow me to finish grad school and hopefully be fully licensed before kids came along. But the main reason was because we wanted a firm foundation for our marriage before kids came along and distracted us. We did not want to be that couple that raised kids then looked at each other and didn’t know each other. So I showed up at graduation 5 months pregnant and it took 7 years to finish my license when it would have only taken 2 working full time. In that 7 years, 3 more children were born then one more born the following year. My oldest will turn 10 this year and my youngest will be 2 (and I am not even using my degree currently). In that time span, I have also experienced 3 miscarriages and the 3rd child born to me was a full term stillbirth. Just the other day someone teased me about getting pregnant again. (Not happening because we are done unless God decides otherwise). I laugh because people think 4 children makes a “large” family. I grew up with 3 siblings and that seemed to be normal so why, a generation later, is it “large?” I have a friend pregnant with her 7th–that is large to me. She is a wonderful mom but I am satisfied with the 4 God has entrusted me to raise and son’t think I can handle any more. I remember getting comments while pregnant with number 2–asking if we were done. I was pregnant with number 4 before anyone could really ask if we were done. Then #5, I got all the comments about “you know how that happened right?” Since we knew we were done after this one, we could joke right along with them. What was interesting to me was these comments were usually from people a couple generations older than me. I wanted to look at them and asked how many children they had and why did they stop–but I didn’t.

  170. Wow, this is beautiful!! I am carrying our 3rd child (we have 1 living, 1 in heaven). After our loss and several years of infertility, we were beyond thrilled to find out I was pregnant! And I am proudly wearing my getting-bigger baby bump :). We are so grateful for our blessings!

  171. All of this sounds good in theory, but be careful what you teach your children. I grew up ultra conservative and was told that a woman’s highest calling was to be a wife and mother (which i disagree with – my highest calling is the same as all people’s- to glorify God.) Now, because it was crammed down my throat my whole life that I could do nothing that i enjoy, my only option was motherhood, I can’t stand the idea. Every time my husband brings up the idea of having children it puts me in depression. I have never been one to oogle over babies and kids are just not my thing. I know everyone says it is different when you have your own and I think I would be ok with having my own except that my parents put such a dread of it in me at an early age. By telling me my whole life that it didn’t matter what i wanted to do my only option was motherhood, they made me hate the very idea of. it. So be careful how you teach your kids…

    1. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

      So often we in the Christian community forget how powerful our words are–especially to young minds. I pray for healing and release from this horrible bind Satan has placed on your heart and mind and whether you choose to be a mom or not, I pray for peace for your heart and mind. Your first calling is to Glorify God, and being a mom is not the only way to do that………

  172. Courtney
    This is so true, it even was in 1988 when I was expecting my first child. I was 17 when she was born, yes I was a teenage mom, by the time I was 22 I had all 3 of my kids. I faced so much scrutiny about being a very young mom, friends would tell me that I was wasting my life.
    God had a plan for me, he still does! By the time I was 25 I was having so many female related issues that the dr was wanting to perform surgery. If I had waited till older to have kids it would have never happened.
    I’m now 41, my children are 18,21&24. The best blessings in my life. Now those people who told be I was wasting my life have changed their tune, as class reunions when they ask about my kids their response has been maybe you had the right idea! They are now in their 40’s with either young kids or babies.
    Now personally babies/children are a true gift at any age. I find myself drawn to them. I love the interaction they give. It’s a shame that this society has made it a negative.
    Families large or small are beautiful.

  173. Hi! this is a beautiful post!!
    i just had triplets 4 weeks ago. my husband and i tried for two years to have a baby and we finally got pregnant thru ivf. two eggs and one split. total miracles! lots of people had and probably will continue to have negative comments for us because the thought of having triplets to most people is scary. we get stuff like “you are going to have your hands full!” etc. and the thing is that to us, we wanted this so long, so badly that we are happy that we are getting what we prayed for times 3.
    i’ve heard of other triplet mom’s getting the comment often of “better you than me”. if i ever get that i will say “agreed!!”
    i know that God has given me the beautiful gift of motherhood and a special gift of three babies at once. i know it won’t be easy, but i also know that He knows i can do this 🙂

  174. I am a mother of four and grandmother of nine so far. I just get sooooo upset when I hear people disparage babies. Even at baby showers you hear negative talk about babies. I have so had it. When I hear people say negative things to pregnant women, I inform them that children are a blessing from the Lord. And then, more often than not, they come back with “I am blessed enough! Please, Lord, don’t bless me any more.” So then I am compelled to say, “How come people never say ‘God, don’t bless me with any more wealth, or new cars, or bigger houses, or whatever else $ can buy? Why is it that the one gift that God gives us, the one in His image, is the only one people don’t want any more of?'” I don’t say it rudely, and I try to say it kindly, but however it is perceived, no one has ever come back at me. It is pretty much always received with dead silence. Maybe a socially incorrect, politically incorrect party-killer, but I am about tired of this attitude.

  175. Thank you so much for sharing this Courtney! I don’t have any children yet so I can’t speak to that experience, but my heart has been heavy lately as I so desparately want at least one child. I didn’t get married until I was almost 30 and my husband is 8 years older than me and we have run into some minor health issues in the conception area. We are about to celebrate our 4th anniversary and at times I feel like we’re showing up to the game a little late, so your comment about Sarah being old certainly encouraged me . We are asked numerous times by family, friends, co-workers and even complete strangers when or if we’re going to have children and if we are we better “get busy.” We both would like to have children someday and I believe it will all happen in God’s timing. I know that complications can be increased the later you wait; however, I also know my God is a big God and He is control!! He is the author of each of our lives and it is up to Him and His timing as to when these certain life events happen for each of us. He allows some people to experience things earlier in life and others to experience things later in life or even others to never experience certain things. We never know how or why He is going to use each of our stories to either help witness to or encourage someone else. As a society we are so quick to judge others when we don’t know the whole story – and we shouldn’t even be judging at all, even if we do know the whole story. As long as you have a personal relationship with Jesus and you are living according to His plan and His will for your life then don’t allow others to become a stumbling block to you! Believe me, I’m speaking as much to myself right now as I am anyone else. Please know – this comment is not directed at any person in particular – I’m just sharing what’s on my heart right now.

  176. What you’re saying about our culture is sadly true. My friends hear stuff like this all the time! My best friend is a married mom of 3 children under the age of four. Whenever she’s grocery shopping or doing errands, she frequently gets “Wow, you have your hands full!” It always rubbed her the wrong way. I told her to reply, “Yes, my hands are full of blessings!”

    My situation is very different, and, to be honest, your post brought tears to my eyes. I never in a million years thought that I’d be single at almost 33 years old! I wanted to marry young. I wanted to have all my babies before age 30. I wanted to have 4 children. I have not bought into the opposite world culture, and yet I remain single. By the time I get married, if God wills, I’m not sure if pregnancy will be possible.

    Personally, I don’t think much about what the world believes or values or teaches, because I expect it to be “opposite.” But I frequently wonder if WE (the church) have bought into this opposite culture, as well. Have WE done things wrong? Why are WE not valuing marriage and family? We say we do, and we certainly support the marriages and families in our churches, but have we neglected to teach young people what to truly value? Are they taught to put as much time and energy into preparing for Biblical manhood or womanhood, marriage, and family as much as they prepare for their SATs, college courses, and careers? And although young women are encouraged to wait for a man to pursue them (which I respect), what if men don’t pursue anymore? Why are WE, as a church, not discipling young men to grow up, take responsibility, make decisions, and stand by them? Why are WE, as a church, not discipling young women to be the kind of women a good Christian man would want to pursue? From what I’ve read online, this is not an isolated issue but widespread. There are a whole lot of waiting single Christian women, such as myself, in our mid-to-late 20s and early 30s (by the way, not by choice!), and very few young men ready and willing to settle down and marry. What happened?

    1. Lindsay,
      I hope you don’t mind, but I just had to comment on what you said. First of all, AMEN to what you said at the end about discipling our young men and women to value marriage and family as much as they are taught to prepare for SATs and college. What a much better place this world would be! We have definitely fallen far in that area, in my opinion!
      Sceondally, I’m sure you get this all the time, but I want to encourage you in your time of waiting for your husband! I don’t know if you saw my comment to this post, but I didn’t get married until I was 30 (4 short years ago). Like you, I thought I would be married before I was 30 and have at least 1 or 2 kids. God definitely had other plans for me and I am still believing Him to fulfill my desire to have children. I encourage you to stay strong and not give into opposite world’s ways of thinking. God has the perfect man out there for you somewhere and He will bring the two of you together when the timing is right. I know that may be hard to hear (speaking from experience) but being on the other side now I can’t impress enough how important it is to wait on Him. It may seem difficult at times but just trust in Him and know that He has your best interests at heart. He is preparing each of you to receive the other when the timing is perfect. Something I had a hard time learning and dealing with is how to learn to be content in every season of life. Enjoy this time right now while you’re single because once you get married there will be things that you might not have the opportunity to do again. Make the most of this time God has given you. And then, when God brings your husband (trusting that this is His will for your life) be content in that season of your life as well until He then allows you the season of motherhood (again trusting it is His will) and so on and so forth. This is also another issue with opposite world is that we are never content with what we have – we always want what we don’t have or what somebody else has. I believe our lives would be so much easier if we would just learn to be content with where we are and what God has blessed us with at that moment. I know that’s much easier said than done at times. I just wanted to encourage you!! Stay strong and I will be praying for you!

  177. Courtney,
    How did you handle not being able to have more children? We have three beautiful girls. My heath has been such that we have had to take a break (the youngest is now 4). We hoped to resume soon, but it seems for the moment, that may not be the case. Unless the Lord chooses to heal me, we may be done. We are facing the death of a dream- having a boy or even just having more children in general. We haven’t gotten rid of all the baby stuff yet, but it is starting to feel like we should. We’re beginning to enjoy the freedom that comes when you don’t have real little ones, but tinged with moments of missing out on those baby days too. I have begun to ask the Lord, “Is this it?” I would be okay with His answer either way, in time.

      1. I too faced this….My last pregnancy was life threatening. At that point we prayerfully decided that we were finished unless God choose to give us another miracle. I grieved for many years….the day my hubby had his surgery, the day I gave birth to my last son, and at every “last” my baby did.

        Once I finally gave my grief to God and accepted fully His plan in this(that I be present to raise these blessings HE purposely put in my life) I began to see the other ways He was choosing to use me…..We have been instrumental in helping raise several children(I firmly believe it takes a village and you should choose your village wisely), and we have been able to open our home to some of my son’s friends who were struggling in their broken homes and offer them a safe place and exposure to a Godly home they wouldn’t have had otherwise. Praying for your healing, and if not for you to see God’s plan for you in this.

  178. I wanted to post a reply representing a different group. My husband and I love The Lord, have been married for four years and are in our late twenties. We would love to have a child but unfortunately deal with infertility. After two and a half years of trying on our own, testing and treatments, we are opening our heart to the journey of adoption. I wish I could tally how many times a well meaning woman at church has asked me why I don’t have children. I’ve been asked if I realized that children are a blessing and I’ve been told to pray about it.

    Please don’t assume that just because a couple isn’t having children it means that they’re buying into these other ideas. We can’t assume what they’re going through. It’s hard to explain the isolation of infertility and assumptions like these can lead to more pain and discouragement.

    1. This is so true, and thank you for sharing it. As a younger woman I would foolishly mentally condemn couples who had no children when really I had NO idea why they didn’t have them… as a slightly older and hopefully wiser lady I’ve come to realize that we really have no control over our own fertility…children truly are a gift from God, and He can choose to open or close the womb. Some of my closest friends long for children but have not been able to have them yet (with no apparent reason) and I grieve with and pray for them and have learned not to judge couples without children! I know some people just don’t want to have kids but there are so many who do and simple can’t.

  179. I married at 21 but didn’t have my first until 25. I ended up with 5 with the last 2 being 20 months apart by the time I was 37. I got lots of grief about the kids. Christian friends that asked if I noticed when one of the kids was gone since I had so many. My sister in law thought that my husband was making me have the kids against my will! 2 years later, my doctor finally figured out what was causing my high blood pressure and heart murmur. It was a congenital defect with my aorta. When I met with the surgeon, he told me that I should have died by stroke by now and I shouldn’t have had any kids since it could have killed me. I know that I am blessed and that I had all of my kids by God’s grace. I am now 47 and miss having babies in the house!

  180. I have not had any children yet, but everyone is shocked that I want 4-6 children (if not more). They are also shocked that I want to be a stay-at-home and home school mom. I get lots of comments and warnings…it’s a little discouraging. I want to be actively involved in my children’s lives. Is that a sin? I know that I’m young and probably naive about some things, but I know what I want. It’s hard to believe that I catch so much flack about wanting to be a mommy.

  181. Sweet post – and congratulations for doing what makes you feel empowered! But perhaps I have to speak up here as a woman who only want one or two of my own children. I work in the arts with a heavy focus on extracurricular activities for children, youth, and young adults. This is one of my great callings, as I get to see the beautiful growth in these people almost daily – many of whom come from “opposite world.” It is a huge burden to place on a child that the person who raised them made it their life – while the sacrafice is sweet, it is much work to make it truly selfless and a simple gift – my sister’s and my mother made it her world and struggles with “Who She Is” as she gave her all to parenting. I say be both. find balance. Having children is a wonderful way to show love and sacrafice – for men and women – but there’s more than one signifcant valid way for women to show the Love. Maybe opposite world is saying we should do it for ourselves, but I think some of those choices, if made for the right reasons, are still valid.

  182. I had my first child at 24 and my son is almost 7 I have been trying for the last three years to become pregnant but due to some medical conditions I have not been able to conceive yet. I worked for an obgyn office and it truly saddened me to see how many women don’t want their children when there are so many others who go through miscarriges or have fertility issues. Sometimes I felt like telling them how much I ong for another child or maybe more. Children are truly a blessing from the moment tney are conceived

  183. My husband and I were shocked and stunned shortly after the birth of our first son, Josiah, 5 and 1/2 years ago to find out that he had been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. The disease didn’t run in our family so we were taken completely by surprise. We muddled through the next few weeks and months and were faced with medical challenges we had never dreamed of. In the fatigue and chaos of those first few weeks, we succumed to the thought that we could never in good conscience conceive a second child knowing that it too could have the disease. Many of our family members and even church friends echoed this sentiment. However, after several months, I became convicted about my lack of faith. Just as surely as God could care for our son, He would care for any other children we would have. In September 2010, our daughter Grace was born without CF and in January 2013, our son, Samuel was born and was diagnosed shortly there after with CF. This time around was much easier to take as we had witnessed 5 years of God’s faithfulness and care for all of us, but especially our first son, Josiah. My husband and I would not go back and do it over again, even if it meant having 3 healthy children. We believe children are a gift from God and each one is precious in His sight, healthy or not. We thank Him for each of our precious little ones and trust His care.

  184. I met my 2nd husband in my late 20s, but we didn’t marry till we were 35. We met in church and gave God time to put everything thing in place cause I knew I didn’t want to make the same mistakes like I did the first time. I had issues getting pregnant to start with and once that was clear we had 4 in 5 years. I didn’t want to hear the horror stories or give any negative back to anyone. I got pregnant at 36, 38, 39, and 41. All my pregnancies were different, wonderful, not so wonderful. My husband worked and lived on boats for 28 days at a time. Raising and training our children was with great effort and love. I relied on Jesus, cried a lot cause I understood what single mothers went through. Motherhood is awesome and if I could have had our children 10 years sooner than I did with the my 2nd husband I would do it all over again. Stay with your church or some very positive group of women who love their children the natural way….holistic way. So glad I walked the way Jesus wanted me to live way back when even though Jesus is still important in my life now that I am 60. You can make it! You go girl and follow your heart!

  185. Thank you for this blog. I really needed this reminder that my 3 boys are a blessing from God even when they are acting their worst. If you have a blog on how to deal with when your child lies I would love to read it because my oldest it going thru that right now so it’s been hard for me to be thankful for him lately. That’s why I’m so glad I ran across this post to make me pause and be thankful.

  186. I’m 43 with 4 children. One thing I regret is using birth control in my twenties. If I could go
    back in time I would never use it. I still long for more children and yes at age 43 the chances of me
    conceiving again are not good. Between my third and fourth pregnancies I was diaganosed with stage 4 endometriosis. I was told to have a hysterectomy but I refused and went to another doctor who
    willing to give me other options. I was told I would never have any more children. I had surgery for ovarian cysts in November 2005 and in February 2006 I found out I was pregnant with my fourth
    child. Nolan was born November 13, 2006. Even my children would like for me to have another baby.
    Thank you for your blog.

  187. I was unaware this was a Christ Centered blog, this is a Welcome Surprise. My comment on the Facebook Share of this article is made all the more Poignant by this “revelation”. I apologize to any who may take offense at my posting, however sometimes Satire is necessary to properly convey a point, & I don’t have any problem with the use of IVF/ART by those who need it. What i do have a Serious Issue with is Sel Red following it, esp. the Sophistry that says it “Needs to happen, for Safety’s Sake…” Life is a Risk. Pregnancy, the Beginning of it, is no different. Love & Respect in Him to you all this morning.

  188. I find this post to be hurtful and slightly ignorant. You were extremely lucky to have met your husband so young, but for me, God didn’t bring my spouse until I was 29. How dare I want to take a couple years to really get to know him and experience all the awesome experiences that come with a new marriage before we have babies. I would have LOVED to have met my husband when I was 22, but we wouldn’t have been right for each other back then. Just because I am 31, I don’t think that my best years are behind me. I am smarter, stronger, and far less selfish than I was in my twenties. Some of my dearest friends are still unmarried even though their hearts burn for marriage and especially for children. What would you like them to do, sit around and not be successful, well educated, well traveled and completely satisfied with who they are, because these years should be dedicated to kids and something that isn’t possible yet? You have chosen a path for your life, but it is unkind of you to try to guilt trip women who want to make something of themselves before they fully devote the,selves to their kids.

    1. This was written to those who ARE married and CAN have babies but choose not to because they think it’s always there in their future, to warn them that it may not always be there. This is written to those who ARE married and ARE having babies, to encourage them. Obviously not to unmarried women. And, it’s written about the ideas that your words suggest. That you shouldn’t have children until… They’re not a blessing until you’ve already _____ fill in the blank. GOD is the giver of these blessings. And they are good. If you’ve JUST gotten married or not. If you have none or if you have 7. If you’ve got a college education under your belt or not. If you’ve traveled the world or not. If you’ve had a big successful career or not. They are precious. They are our opportunity to impact God’s Kingdom and future generations like no other occupation. They are His and He has been so kind as to let us love them and them love us… Is it unkind to tell people that God’s blessings are greater than us making something of ourselves? I don’t think so. I think it’s just a wonderful truth that is kind to share. If people grasp this truth, they will be open to some of God’s greatest gifts.

  189. Bless you and your young mommy to be friend! I needed this blessing today.

    I did not find my great husband until I was over 30. We got married when I was 32. We thought we might not have the opportunity to have kids, but the Lord allowed me to go through a miscarriage at age 38–it made me realize that I really ached to be a mother. I was blessed to give birth to my beautiful boy at 40 years old. The docs all acted like I was OLD, but he is a healthy 4 year old.

    My son has been praying for a baby sister for over a year, and I am desperate to add to my family. In opposite world, I am too old, and there are way too many risks. But, indeed, Sarah was old, and she became the mother of a civilization. Please pray with me that God can give us one more miracle!

    His timing is perfect!!

    Carissa in eastern Iowa

  190. women and mothers will always be adversaries because one thinks there is a set ‘rules’ to abide by when having children. It is up to the individual, the couple and, if need be, by faith. We waited on purpose three years into the marriage (after we graduated college) to have our first, and it was the best timing for us. What works for you isn’t always what works for others. Your ‘regret’ for not having them sooner, is just yours, and you cannot make that into a guilt trip for all mothers. First at 26, fifth at 37. We have hear the gamut of negativity from all sides, including family, some I stopped speaking to after the harsh words after we announced our fifth. It’s nobody’s business except yours and God’s. So to shove the guilt trip on other moms because of your choice isn’t exactly the right way. We’re still happily married two and a half decades later and our oldest is in college and they are all well-adjusted, happy individuals. The naysayers back in the day, well let’s just say they are all divorced, remarried and divorced again, and only have one or two kids, maybe 3 and are miserable excuses for parents. I waited, and I’m glad. God doesn’t judge me, so why should you?

  191. Such a good reminder! It is so easy to criticize others for where they are at. I want to be able to celebrate mom’s at any and every age because children are a wonderful gift. I am 34 and single and hope and pray that God will bless me with a husband and children through my own or through adoption. It is all a gift and God’s timing is perfect. It is easy to be fearful that this may never happen, and i hope that people will celebrate with me even if I am an older mom.

  192. I appreciate this article and I am grieved about the comments that people share with those that are pregnant. However, this happens in all stages of life, i.e. dating, marriage, career change, etc. I am a 40 year old woman who hasn’t had the opportunity to have a family as I am not married. The “opposite world” would tell me that I should just have a baby, right now, and be a single parent. This may be someone else’s choice and I respect them for it. This isn’t what I chose to do at this point in time. I also honor the decisions that each family has spoken about on this blog. I wanted to speak out for those of us who didn’t get married early and are holding out hope to be pregnant and carry a child to full-term. Our hopeful anticipation can also be perceived with trepidation in the Christian world as well. Let’s be kind and respectful to ALL of those who make decisions that work best for their lives. God works uniquely with each person.

    1. I couldn’t agree more, Julie. This post made me so upset, I shook for an hour after reading it. There are many–and I mean MANY–women who grew up feeling to their bones that calling to be wife and mother. They did everything they were taught to do for that path. Went to work or college, went to church, waited on God. At 20, they smiled when the first few friends got engaged and walked down the aisle. At 24, still waiting in anticipation of the husband, they had a blast on outings with other singles and told themselves they had time, though quite a few of their friends were getting married and starting new lives. At 27, friends and family started saying things like “Don’t wait until you’re 30. If you do, no man will marry you.” They did their best. Still no husband.

      Then the invitations became constant: weddings, bridal teas and showers, baby showers, and toddler birthday parties, all of which brought more Comments from their married friends. They went home alone afterward, cried, waited, and begged God. No husband, no sex, and no children. Years passed, and their friends abandoned them to start families. You see, the child comes first–and second, third, fourth, and so on. We can’t go to a movie with you, Cody has an earache. Are you alone and crying because someone you love died? You can call… but only before 8:30 because that’s Emily’s bedtime. No, we can’t come to your service award dinner. Braydon has soccer/teeball/piano that night. Do NOT yell at my son! I don’t care if he ran out onto a busy highway, your input is not needed! You don’t know what it’s like to be a mother! (Yes, that happened.)

      You post hundreds of pictures smiling in your wedding dress, frolicking with your soulmate on your honeymoon, ultrasound shots, and baby pictures almost every day, then toddler videos, first steps. Every blog post, picture, and status update is about or related to your awesome life with your awesome husband and kid. When you go home with your built-in tribe on Sunday afternoons after church and your husband makes love to you and creates another baby, we go home to an empty house. We open our laptops to news feeds full of smiling toddlers and status updates of your kids’ cute sayings. Our married friends who are parents sometimes throw us birthday parties, then completely ignore us at the party to go talk “kid” talk with all of the other parents in attendance. (Also a true story.)

      I’m the single, upper-30something career woman who frowns at the gym when your 3 year old keeps running out of the kids’ area and into rows of people working out at Zumba, screaming like a banshee, taking his diaper off and taking a dump in the corner (and yes, that has happened at my gym) while you laugh and say “Oh, that Colton.”

      While I agree that we should respect each other and not make negative comments, respect goes both ways. I’m sorry if we aren’t generous enough with the compliments when we’re informed of another pregnancy, but you’ve proven you don’t need our approval. When my best friend told me she was pregnant, I smiled at her, skipped the baby shower, sent a gift, and grieved the loss of our friendship, because she was gone. She chose to be gone.

      1. Kate, I am so sad for you. I won’t lie to you and say I can completely empathize with what you’re going through, as I have a family — but I do have some idea. I have two sisters who are in their forties and have never been married. It has just never happened. Both won’t settle for the wrong guy, and I’m proud of them. I have seen their sorrow at losing their friends to marriage and children, and grieved with them. But, being a mom, I’ve also understood how it happens.

        It really is hard to remain the same person you were pre-marriage/children and treat your friends in the same way you always had before. You’re living on a different planet now. One that is very often very hectic. It’s practically impossible not to talk about your life — and what you have, and your unmarried friends don’t have. It’s hard not to sound –what?– Braggy? Even when that’s not what you mean to do. It’s hard to relate to someone who still has the freedom that you don’t any more — and sometimes very much miss!

        That said. I have a great relationship with my sisters. My kids are their kids. (Which is bittersweet for them sometimes, yes.) Though you will definitely grow apart from your old friends and not click with some people because of the difference in your states in life right now, you know, there are women out there, who can still be your friend — and the differences won’t stand in the way. IF you don’t let them. You may need to examine your bitterness about this, and decide if you really want to do without any friends who are married with children. You certainly could go the rest of your life with only single friends. But I don’t think you need to. And, I think you’ll be happier if you can accept your life right now just as it is — and not feel so bad about women whose life is different. There are unfortunate people out there who won’t help this for you, but ignore them. They are stealing your joy. Right now, you may be tossing out your own joy, too. (For the record, I’d be your friend, married or not. And I’d try very hard not to bring up my kids unless it was pertinent or would make you laugh! There are SCADS of women out there just like me, too…)

      2. Kate, my heart breaks for you. I personally am married with four kids, but my younger sister is 29 right now and still single. There are women out there who will be your friends with or without children of their own, even if it seems that the women you know are too selfish. It just has to be a balancing act between them and you. My husband works and lives away from home, so I only have help from him on Sundays. So yes, I can’t drop everything and come help because of my kids, but my home and phone line are always open to both my sister and several other friends that I have that are single. In fact my sister sometimes, because of not having kids and a husband of her own is an amazing help to me. I think we are closer being different than if we were the same. We have found a way to rejoice in the good things that have happened to both of us, even when we both initially wanted what the other had. I had other plans for my life, until God stepped in and gave me a husband I wasn’t looking for, and all my sister has ever wanted was a husband and kids, but instead she has a career and ministry. We can share the good and bad with each other, knowing God has us each where we are supposed to be. I will keep praying for you that God will bring the right women into your life.

  193. I am an 84 year old mom of four son, that are totally incredible. Now ages, 53, 50 47, and 42. I did not meet the man I wanted to marry until I was 27 and he was 20. Yes seven years younger. I knew He was the one I wanted to marry as soon as I met him. We got engaged in Sept. of 1958 and married on Valentines day in 1959. I had worked in an office for more then 10 years and had a wonderful career, but I always wanted a baby. We had our first son in Dec. the same year we were married and opened a business the same year. Me, I was the happiest mom in the world and loved being pregnant. Felt better then I had ever felt in my life. So we planned more. Had a miscarriage after the first son but got pregnant four months after and had another son. I felt so blessed but we wanted more. Had another son exactly 3 years after that, and thought that may be the last but we prayed for another baby when I was 41. I wanted him to be born in May of 1970 God answered our prayers, we had another son on May 19, 1970. All have been a blessing, I seemed to feel better with each pregnancy and enjoyed every day with my little boys. My health is very good at this time. My husband passed away with a massive stroke in 2004 and that has been very hard on us all. He was a very good dad and husband and a good provider. We have two sons that are called in the ministry and two others that loved the Lord and involved in our church. I am still very active work in the nursery at church, because I still have to have my baby fix,, live with one son, his wife and 3 children and have a total of 9 grandchildren that I have helped raise. My life has been so blessed and I really think having a baby later in life is what kept me going and young. No one ever believes that I am as old as what I am and all of my friends are at least 20 years younger then me. I do recommend that if you have not started your family by the time you are 30 do not give up. Even my friends told me I was crazy to have a baby at 42 but God wanted it and we planned it and he has truly been a blessing. Most of them have passed now. I have more blessing then most people and loved being a mom and my husband always said he wished we had had one more. My dr. said better stop but not because of my health. I am still in good health just love life and still enjoy by sons, and my precious grandchildren……GOD IS GOOD!!!1

  194. Wish I could like this x1000!! It needs to be heard in this “ME” generation we live in!! This belief right here, is, also, why we have neglected and abused children! It’s all about “ME”! Psalms 127:3-5, it’s how God feels about having children!!!

  195. Great article! I’m thankful I haven’t experienced the negative comments on my pregnancies and child(ren), and I always try to be very positive in making comments to other pregnant ladies. I can honestly say our 2-year-old little boy is the greatest blessing of my life, and it just seems to get better and better. Each stage has been more fun. When I tell my pregnant friends that they’re very grateful for the positive comment!

  196. I am a M.O.M. (mom of many) to 6 children, ages 18, 16, 15, 12, 7, and 6. I have received many of the above comments from people over the years. But I think my favorite has been: “Did you have your last 2 babies so the older kids could babysit?” Yep. That’s why I had those two surprises…free childcare:) I love my big family and most of the time would not trade it in. But as a mom who was financially secure and then unexpectedly thrown into poverty because of a criminal family tragedy, I do think it is great to have our daughters and sons be more prepared. I have read the book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, and even if we don’t agree with everything, our first priority is to be doing what ever it is that God has called us to do in our time of singleness. It is finding the calling and ministry God has for you in a season. It is preparing you to be the right person, before you ever try to find the right person. And the one thing, the greatest cost that I see overlooked when choosing to become a parent is not the financial cost, but the heart cost. It will never end. Never. Not when they are 18 or married or in college or whatever. This is the job that never ends. Your heart will be forever entangled in your children’s lives and, like Mary having a sword pierce her heart because of her son Jesus, this parent child relationship will pierce your heart indefinitely and this is something no one ever seems to think about when preparing for parenthood. Recently, I went back to school to become a nurse and soon I will have a job, just to help my children and others. We all need to be in a position to bless others that God has brought into our lives, not just biologically. And we all need to consider the true cost of parenting which has nothing to do with money or snide remarks from others about how many kids we have. I personally would love to have more babies and I am almost 42. I am blessed to have my babies and blessed to continue in the many callings God has for me and so are all of you. God bless you!

  197. We currently have two children. I’d love to have at least one more baby and we would also like to adopt. People look at me like I have two heads when I explain that. They ask me how in the world I will manage that many kids. I just shrug and say “This is what God has put on our hearts. He wouldn’t have if He didn’t have a reason. He’ll help us manage.”

    Oh, and if anyone makes the “don’t you know what causes that” comment to me, I swear I’m going to look them in the eye with a straight face and loudly say “We have no idea! Could you explain to me how babies are made???” LOL

  198. I take your point, but as a young woman in her 30s who is not single by choice, and who is trying her best to serve others and God through a calling-based career, I find it a little frustrating that you presume that time not spent raising children would include spas and “me time.” I spend upwards of 12 hours a day trying to be Christ college students. There are many others like me. I don’t know what my future holds, but I think there are many ways to serve God, and I doubt any of them are loaded with spas and “me time.”

    1. This is EXACTLY how I felt reading this. I posted a blog about it at my own site the other day ( danielleinthecity.blogspot.com ). I am not single by choice, I’m single because that’s where God has called me to be right now, and even though I pray DAILY that he will change that, he hasn’t, so I also pray that he will help me to be as purposeful with this time as I can be. I always assumed that I would have three kids by now, and I don’t even have a boyfriend :/ So in the meantime, I volunteer with my youth group, I lead worship, I go to grad school for a career that I pray will help me to better counsel the kids I work with, I spend 99.9% of my time with OTHER PEOPLE’S children trying to be a blessing for them. I most definitely do not have a ton of ME time.

  199. We have 12 kids and we get stares and even rude comments occasionally. Our family tries to be good ambassadors for adoption so we try to smile and be friendly even then. My dh likes to be ornery sometimes and says things about have three other “baby momma’s” even though we’ve been married for almost 15 years. Or when people say, “Don’t you know what causes that?” He responds with, “Yes, I’m good at it and I like it a lot.” I just keep walking….

    http://8kids8to4maybemore.blogspot.com/

  200. How does one respond to negative comments about pregnancy or children? With a happy smile and whatever words that can possibly fit the situation to let them know that you ARE blessed! God HAS blessed your heart! Your heart IS full! You WOULDN’T have it any other way! Yes, you hope there are PLENTY more to come. 🙂 But…when the comments leave you speechless…a joy filled smile is the best. When you see the same people, time and again, and they see that your response is one of joy, they begin to see…you love this.

    How do you show your children that you believe God? By enjoying them! By telling them how you enjoy them and how glad you are that God gave them to you. By talking about what a blessing a full house is and how lonely it would be with less! “Imagine if we didn’t have *pick a name.*” And then elaborate how much your family would miss out on without that one person. Want more babies in your family (if you think the ones you have are blessings, wouldn’t another be a blessing, too?) and love other people babies. Talk positively about all babies to your children. Not only will you show them that YOU believe God’s blessings are blessings, but you’ll pass that idea along to them!

    1. I agree 100%!!!

      All three of my boys know they were “Surprise Gifts” from God in our lives, but that we are extremely thankful God choose to put them here!!!

      I love surprises……sometimes not at the exact moment, but always by the end of it!!!

  201. “When the world says, you don’t know what you are doing. Remember Eve – who had no role models at all…she just walked with the King.”

    These words are packed with an encouragement.

  202. I am a mother of 2 boys, 13 & 6 mo. My body has carried and nurtured within it 5 babies total. Children are a blessing, but the negativity comes from all directions. Recently a child of my oldest sons age asking him if my baby was a “mistake”. So the comments aren’t just for those who have “big families”. Yes it hurts to loose a baby, and yes I almost gave up, but YES—I want more & I pay for my children, it’s no cost to ayone else.
    Multiple children aren’t for everyone…but for those who welcome it, why the backlash?
    My oldestcame when I was 18, fast forward to 32 when I finally was blessed with my second I would have never thought that fertility issues would befall me. But God brought me through it!

  203. I am 30 years old and pregnant with our second–our daughter is almost 2.5 years old. My husband and I dated throughout college and got married as soon as we graduated. We both pursued careers and then had our daughter after 7 years of marriage. I wouldn’t change those years together for anything. Our daughter is our world, but we have a rock-solid marriage and those 7 years were so critical in allowing us to be so strong. We grew so much spiritually and I look back and am so thankful we didn’t jump into parenting. It also happens the other way . . . Many comments and many people would tell us that we were crazy for waiting, or they couldn’t understand, or they’d ask questions like if we could have kids on our own, etc. I also look at my daughter and know that if we had kids earlier, we wouldn’t have HER. She was well worth the wait and I think our little man will be well worth the wait as well!

  204. I really appreciated this post. I am still unmarried but often when I share that one day I want to be a wife and mother, and that I am not going to collage and would like to be married young (I’m currently 18) I get a lot of negativity. I also often see pregnant women get the kind of negativity you are talking about and it is so sad. I love it when I see a young woman who is pregnant and just so thankful for her blessing.

    -Rachel K.

  205. Thank you so much for posting this. We are expecting our 5th and I dread going out in public because of the looks and comments I get about having 5 kids. Especially on the days we have sick cranky kids!!We know and believe that children are a blessing from God, it just gets so tiring to block out all the negativity and pressure we feel from socitey. Thanks for encouraging moms out there and reminding us to keep our focus on God and his priorities!

  206. This post has been my inspiration today, so thank you! I am 39 yrs old with a 20 yr & a 17 yr old from a previous marriage; my husband has a 9 yr old of whom I’ve adopted (we are also grandparents to a 2 yr old and another one due end of Nov. 2013). With that said, I am 5w2d pregnant… this was a planned pregancy and it only took a 2 months to concieve – of which I feel blessed for! My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years and after some frustrating teen years with the 20 yr old & 17 yr old, we felt the Holy Spirit telling us to have one of our own. We have not spread the word yet but am sure that once we do, the questions of why we are having one so late in life will come up. This article will help me to handle these rude and insensitive questions in a Godly manner. I look forward to the journey our Lord has planned for my husband and I.

  207. I think people should chose for themselves a time/age that suits them. Just because one person has a child at a young age doesn’t mean another woman is prepared to have a child at the same age. Just because one woman went through the tragedy of menopause at a young age doesn’t mean another will. Each woman/couple has to pick a time line that for them feels right. Lastly, just because a woman choose to have a child later in life does NOT mean that she is selfish. It the contradiction here because it says that each child is a gift from God but a woman who waits until (say) 30 is considered selfish but perhaps God instilled in the young lady to wait, or gave her a passion to wait until a certain age. Perhaps she grew up in a single house hold and decided that she wanted better for her children in regards to financial stability, and no, I am not saying that those who have children at a young age are not financially stable. To each their own. We should all support each other and stop casting our opinions on others. Not everyone will marry at a young age and those who do maybe THEY have decided to wait for certain reasons.

  208. This post is such a blessing to me. I’m 23 and just found out I’m 13 weeks pregnant! I’m really thankful but I was also really worried because of what our culture says about having children. Even family members seem to only have negative comments about how hard it is to have children and what a burden they can be financially. Because of this im really nervous about telling them I’m expecting. I’m thankful for a supportive husband who sharesy love for the gospel and for this blog that gives a positive outlook on Gods plan for women. I’m truly blessed. I still struggle with fear but I know the Lord will provide us with what we need to be godly parents.

  209. I am the mother of three, 24, 21, and 18. I too lost one between the second and third child. My husband and I did not marry until we were 30 so we have always been the “older parents”. I used to cry during my first pregnancy due to all the negative remarks people would say about having children. It was so frustrating and hard to be happy about it. After my first one I learned to ignore the comments and to be happy with the wonderful gift bestowed on my husband and I. When I had my miscarriage it was very hard to get over and when I did get pregnant again I had the same due date with my third as I did with the one I lost. My children are the greatest gift God has given me and even though there have been some very rough times I would not change a thing.

  210. I have heard two main complaints, the first came shockingly from family when I told them we were expecting our third they responded with dread in their voices and “oh no”, like it was the worst kind of news we could give them. The other is a variation on the theme “are you crazy”, “why would you want to do that”. My husband and I are successful, enough so that we have a nice middle class home in a nice quiet neighborhood and I can stay home with our children and not have to work. We do not rely on anyone for financial support, including the welfare system. Yet people still approach us as though we are doing something wrong. To quiet the neigh-Sayers, I remind them that we plan on having fourteen children, and that usually gets them to be silent at least for the rest of the pregnancy.

  211. I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your post. However I wanted to comment that it’s not just the moms of multiple children that get rude comments. I am a mother of one.. not for any other reason except for the fact that our family feels complete with one and we are very happy. I too get rude comments about how having only one child is wrong and that my child must be a spoiled brat, etc. Any amount of children a family chooses to have is up to them. If it takes 10 kids or 1 (or possibly none) to make your family feel complete and happy than that is all that should matter to anyone.

    1. Agree!! I think people need to keep their comments about the number of children a family has to themselves. Blessings from God come in all shapes and sizes not just as babies.

  212. I loved this post! I am currently waiting for God to provide children for my husband and me. We have been waiting for 2.5 years, and let me tell you, every time I hear a woman complain about her pregnancy, newborn, or child…it just makes me sick. You are exactly right, those negative comments SHOULD belong in Opposite World, but unfortunately, we live in that world. It just astounds me how common it is to bicker and complain about what God Himself calls a “reward from Him”. So thank you for writing this and I pray that it convicts some women out there to be mindful of how they view blessings from the Lord. We could all stand to be more positive, more often. It certainly convicts me about uttering complaints of other blessings in my life, like getting to live in a house, have a job, have food and water, etc.

  213. I have only had one child and I can honestly say that I enjoyed my pregnancy. I loved “playing” with him, feeling him move and seeing him grow in me. It was a stressful time for me (going through a divorce) but being pregnant was a joy. Sixteen years later I am still waiting for God to bring that special man into my life, and after the marriage am looking forward to being pregnant again.

  214. A friend on FB posted your article & I was enticed by the title to read it! I then found myself reading all the comments and as I suspected there would be – a lot of different experiences were shared – I usually read and not comment but after reading the comments & experiences I have felt the tug to f to share my experience the Opposite side of the Opposite World – Yes in Opposite World you are pushed to get an education before you marry however, if you don’t get married shortly after you finish University you start hearing things like you are such a nice girl why haven’t you married etc. etc. I grew up in a large family (5 kids 2 parents – I was the middle – I write that because that was the title I bore through much of my life) and from the time I was small I wanted to be a mommy – I played with dolls way into when it “wasn’t” cool – I started helping my mom in the church nursery & babysitting when I was 10 (& not just for my little sister ). My parents encouraged us to consider college (my Dad had been a college professor before getting into the corporate world so he could feed his growing family) and they helped us set up savings accounts to save for our education. I picked a career that involved children and longed for the day I would have my own. When I turned 30 and still only had my career – God & I had a talk and I felt him saying I needed to give my desire to have a husband & children to him and continue to minister to other peoples children (I babysat well into my 30’s, I taught Children’s Church, did nursery duty from 10 y.o., I worked in a variety of school situations using my degrees in Elementary Ed & Speech Pathology). Then just when I was truly comfortable with my life – I loved my job working with deaf children & was content with being single. I met my husband who was finishing up a degree after being in the military for 4 years. He was younger than me by a few years and we were friends for a while before we started dating seriously – once again God had me wait , once again I got comments regarding the state of my biological clock & was urged to look elsewhere because he clearly wasn’t ready or didn’t want to be tied down etc. etc. However, he felt God was leading him to finish what he had started. Finally after 3 years of dating we got engaged and 3 months later we got married and immediately people started questioning us about when we would have children. However, one month before we married my husband & I were asked to join a missionary organization and 6 months after we were married we were sent to overseas to do missions work in another country. The organization encouraged us not to have children our first year overseas. We were both so overwhelmed by all our new adjustments and experiences that we decided postponing trying for children might not be a bad idea. However, friends and family, because of my age ( I was 34 when I married staring 35 in the face) disagreed. A few months after our first anniversary we decided to start trying for children figuring that it might takes us some time to get pregnant. A little over six months later I was expecting our first child. I found myself praising God for answering my prayers for a husband, for serving Him and now for a child even though all three were much more challenging that I expected & I did not always respond to things the way I thought I would. I had always wanted children but had to admit that the process had always scared me, even more so going through it in a foreign country without friends or family. However, once I was pregnant I enjoyed almost every minute of it (okay I did NOT enjoy morning sickness as I HATE throwing up). The organization we serve with allowed us to stay overseas until a few months before the baby was due, then we were to return the US to give birth because of my age (I was now 36) & because another missionary family from our organization who lived in a larger more Westernized city in the same country as us had decided to give birth to child#6 six in country the year before & she almost died. So we returned to the States toured the hospital where I was to give birth and enrolled condensed prenatal course where I was asked how many other children I had & I watched their shock when I said this was my first child. Once they got over the shock the ?’s started. “Why we waited so long to marry, to have kids etc. etc. A month later we had a healthy baby who amazed us daily and my husband instantly regretted waiting to finish school before we married and was anxious to have more. I was advised to not get pregnant again right away because of my age so we made the decision to wait until our son was one to try for #2. Once again we couldn’t wait the whole one year and started trying again on our 2nd anniversary. Just before our son turned 3 we returned to the States for a year as we had been asked to consider working in a new city in the country we’d been living in. When we got back to the States one of our priorities was to go to a Dr. to see why we were having trouble getting pregnant. My Dr. had retired so I went to a different Dr. & after I expressed my concern he said what do you expect at your age – you women think you can have it all a career and a family too! He said I could make the same decision as others did who waited to have children and go to a fertility clinic. However, before we got married my husband & I agreed that we would trust God for how many children we had & would not do IV or take fertility drugs (besides the fact we could not afford it). We did look into other options, including trying to adopt. We were able to helped many other couples to adopt from the country we were serving in, however, even though we got very close we were never successful. Once again God & I had a talk and I felt Him once again saying trust Him and to do the tasks He HAD given us: doing the work He had called us to and raising our son. Once again just when I had become content with one child & was doing a ministry with women (not children) I missed a period & was sure I was pregnant. I decided to talk to my mom as she was a nurse and she surprised me by telling me she hoped I wasn’t as I was too old to be pregnant (I was 45, she had had her last child at 33 – which was 4 years younger than I was when I had my first). After I talked with her I decided to buy a test but before I could actually use it my period started and lasted for a couple of weeks. About 6 months later I missed another period & had all the symptoms again – I waited awhile & then took a test – it was positive – due to people’s response the first time we decided to keep the information to our selves until the 3 month mark. Unfortunately just as we decided it was safe to start announce it – the Dr. could not find a heartbeat & a few weeks later I miscarried. I regretted not having people pray & not having told others but I also had a new understanding & sympathy for friends that had experienced miscarriage. God & I had another talk – why did He give & take away ? It is too long for me to share here how God answered my ? however, He did it in an immensely personnel way. So when people would ask why didn’t you have more children, or did you plan on just have one, or why didn’t you try fertility treatments or adopt – I could say with conviction it was by God’s design -not ours. We made our plans, we tried to fulfill them but in the results are in His hands. In the words of Job I learned as he did to say “The Lord giveth the Lord taketh away blessed be the name of the Lord. I am comforted by the fact that He grieved with me and grieves with each of you who have gone through infertility ( primary or secondary), or who have lost babies or even adult children. He gives grace and blessings to those with many children, and those with one & those with none. It is up to me how I respond to Him when I allow Him to write my story and it does not end up being the one I would have written. I need to trust Him when He says ” I know the Plans I have for you, plans for a future and a Hope (and yes I still hope 🙂 and if I seek Him I will find Him just as He promised (Jeremiah 29:11-13) – however, it may not be when or where I expected to find Him. My journey with Him has been a long journey filled with doubt, sorrow & failure – but also one of trust, joy, & blessings exceedingly above what I could ask and imagine. He never promised everything would be perfect if I followed Him but He did promise His presence – and in His presence is fullness of joy even if it comes through tears!

    1. This is a beautifully well written and God centered web site. As an older mother and now a young grandmother, I rejoice to hear and read all the lovely stories from young/younger women who are seeking to put God first in all aspects of their lives. The Lord gave us 4 precious children. After our two older boys were born, my husband was ready to quit, but I really wanted a daughter, so we tried again and the Lord granted us an amazing little girl who is now an amazing woman and about to become a mother herself. Then I said, “We’re done.” and went in to see a doctor about some corrective surgery I needed to have done because of all three pregnancies. The Dr. insisted on a pregnancy test, even though I insisted I wasn’t pregnant!! Ha! ha! The Father in Heaven knew what was best for us, as the pregnancy test came back positive!!! I didn’t have surgery, But I did have another little boy!
      Hallelujah! Children are indeed a blessing from HIS hand.

    2. Several times through this page I have wished for a “like”button…..and this is definitely one. Thank you for sharing your story of relying on God and giving Him the control He already has……

      thank you.

  215. First off, great post. I always love reading your blog. As much as we want to just simplify things and say, “Go forth and have kids; they’re a blessing!” this is such a multi-faceted topic for today’s young Christian woman.

    For instance, the selection of eligible godly young men is dwindling, causing young women to logically go on to college and go full force into their careers. A woman spends so much on an education that she, of course, feels the responsibility of utilizing it for a time.

    Some women are the main breadwinner for a time (for instance, I supported my family as my husband went to med school), and to adhere to principles of fiscal responsibility in the Bible, found it best to wait for a time. Side note: Due to our responsibility of waiting earlier, we can now adopt many children later! 🙂

    Then, there are women who have a calling in a career or ministry. To abandon that calling because of a biological time clock implies a distrust in God’s plan. As I supported my husband, I had numerous opportunities to reach out to others in Christ’s name.

    And, last, it’s a two-way street. The church can often be (unkowingly) be unkind to women who aren’t having kids earlier. I remember often feeling ostracized and not having “a group” since it was mostly mom/kid oriented at our church. It was a good experience, though, and I keep that in mind for others in that situation 🙂

  216. Thank you for this! Although I haven’t been experiencing the negativity you are talking about, I completely agree that our culture as a whole is sending the wrong message to young women about having children.
    I am pregnant right now with my second, and no one has been negative to me this time, only joyful. However, I grew up in a household/culture that taught me…”date as much as you can before you get married…..have a career first before a family…..your body will never be the same after children….your teenage/college years are the best of your life”…. And oh how wrong it all was!!! The best of years of my life so far have been being a mother!
    Motherhood is a calling. I have grown closer to Jesus through motherhood. As my pastor says, “the two best days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you figure out why”. There is a verse in 1 Timothy that says “Women will be saved through childbirth”. I don’t think it necessarily means that all women will find salvation through motherhood, but I think God was saying it is a way to draw closer to Him. When you become a parent, you realize how great His love is for us!

  217. Thank you to all those who chimed in about adoption… adoption was God’s plan from the beginning in more ways than one. Let us bear in mind that, by God’s own design, family has ALWAYS been about promise, love, and relationship first, not just about genetics (in fact, it could be argued that it has very little to do with genetics)! Christ Himself makes the point that family is not just about biology, but primarily about relationship/the eternal (Matt. 12, etc.). Biological reproduction is designed by God as well and has its place, yes, but “be fruitful and multiply” when used as a command in Scripture (only 3 times and all in the OT), was a special/unique command to a specific group of people for a specific purpose and NOT the common/universal command that evangelicals often make it out to be. Let us all be responsible with how we dispense the Word of God. I think it’s great that the author of this post wants to encourage pregnant CHRISTIAN women (unless God is also in the business “rewarding” children to all those unmarried teens, addicts trading sex for drugs, etc. as well? After all, THOSE children are simply the incidental result of a biological reaction and not actually a reward. Or are all children a reward? Are infertile couples being withheld said reward? I’m confused.). As you can tell, I’ve just really had enough with bad theology in the Church when it comes to family/children and this post just perpetuates it. While I agree that people should keep their rude comments to themselves, please keep in mind that that many of us have very good reasons for not wanting large families and for not doing cartwheels every time another pregnancy is announced.

  218. Seriously? The conclusion of this blog is to say “have children because they are a blessing” but there is no focus on having quality children. Why ignore countless people with good advice about children simply because you as an individual are feeling happy? Do you honestly beleive or intend to perpetuate to Christians that the more children you simply have the more miracles you do in gods name? What of the prostitute who has 30 children and gives them all up to the state to be raised by your taxes?

    You have every right as a person to beleive children are miraculous and wondrous and to continue in that beleif despite opposition but dear lord please dont pretend the mere act is a praise of God.

  219. Thank you for this great post. I am pregnant with my fifth child and my oldest is only six so I get a lot of comments on a daily basis. God has been teaching me how to turn those moments into opportunities to bring glory to his name, but it has been a learning experience! Thank you for bringing a fresh, positive light to motherhood!

  220. My three grown children bring me more joy than I can begin to express. Were there tough times along the way? Of course, but being a mom is one of the highlights of my life.

  221. I loved the article. We have 10 children and one angle baby and one on the way. I am 43. The comments we have received from strangers are mind boggling. I would say to the women commenting here, be gentle with other women. You are not in their shoes. God has a different plan for everyone and what is right for you, may not be what God has for someone else. Having said that, I do think many families sacrifice babies for other worldly pursuits and miss the blessings children bring! Yes, it is a sacrifice, but does that sacrifice match Christ’s sacrifice for you?

  222. Wombat, are you serious? First, children are a reward from God. Second, I highly doubt anyone is saying for the prostitute to go forward and have 30 children (which hello, 30 children?). And I doubt many prostitutes are reading this blog. This blog was, for me, an encouragement against a mean world toward child-bearing and pregnancy. Something that should be, and once was, celebrated is looked upon with distaste and abhorrence.

    In my opinion, you took this whole message out of context.

  223. Great article. Thanks for sharing. I had to smile when I read the part about when people have 4 or more kids people asking “Do you know how this happens?” It made me think of a friend of mine who has 5. Her response got people to be quiet. She would simply smile, and say “Yes, apparently I am pretty good at it.”

  224. As a soon to be dad (as in, a couple of days!) it has broken my heart to see me and my wife’s joy of welcoming our gift from the Lord stolen away by people who had horrible experiences with labor or child rearing. It’s been a breath of fresh air (and few and far between) to have people believe in her when she says she is aiming for a natural delivery and to be excited for us as we embark on this new life change. We have vowed to always be excited for people who are newly pregnant and always encourage them that it is worth it! Thank you so much for sharing!

  225. I live in a small town and here it has always been normal to marry young and have 3 or 4 kids. (Although these days, the norm is more toward having a baby before age 20, then don’t marry the daddy, then marry someone else 2 or 3 years later and have more kids.) I have a friend who had only one child and was told by someone who didn’t know of her health issues, “Don’t you want another child? What if something happens to the one you have?” I married when I was older and have 2 kids, but haven’t heard much criticism, mainly just about having 2 in diapers at the same time (they are 18 months apart). I cannot believe the things people will say out loud to someone’s face.

  226. We have been blessed with 5 children, ages 17, 15, 12, 9, & 3 months (yes, our last little bundle was born as my husband & I are heading toward the half-century mark & after my doctor told me for 2 years I was premenopausal — talk about some looks/comments!) After our second, people began asking in a not-so-nice way, “Don’t you know how that happens?!” to which my husband began replying, “You betcha. That’s my favorite part!” Hahaha!

  227. Thank you for this. We have had foster children as well as biological children. There was a period of time during which we had a 4 1/2 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. People were often downright mean. Some demanding in front of the children how I could have so many, so close together. Lecturing me on my contribution to the population explosion. Some were contrite upon learning that half the children were foster children (my oldest foster daughter would usually tell because we allowed her to feel like being the foster daughter was special.) But it was wearying to have to address the seemingly endless questions and not good for those children to get the message that they were in any way unwanted. People do not think about these things before they speak. Lord, put a watch on my lips so I do not discourage someone in the same way I have been discouraged.

  228. What a great post! I had 3 kids in just under 3 years and was shocked at the reactions we got from some people. By #3 we were actually afraid to tell some of our family because we knew they’d be negative about it (they said they were just ‘worried about us’). And yes, we got the “you do know how that happens, right?” quip a lot (it’s not funny OR original, people). We stopped at 3 because I could not physically or emotional handle any more children (and yes, the first couple of years were really hard!) – but that doesn’t stop me from thinking wistfully about adopting some day.

    On the up side, at least where we live, our kids tend far more often to illicite kindness and smiles from strangers than those unsettling glares of annoyance that society has made popular. At the store today we had three elderly couples stop to smile and wave at the kids and cluck at them fondly. When I’ve struggled with keeping track of all my kids out in public I’m always amazed and blessed by how total strangers will step up to give me a hand. Which, in my opinion, is how it should be. We help each other out – it DOES take a village to raise children – which is an idea totally lost in our independence-driven society today.

  229. I think it depends on your own pregnancy experiences. For me, pregnancy is not fun, not even a little, so what stands out to me is all the positive comments that make me want to punch someone. Babies are a blessing, but for me pregnancy is not. I just want to tell people, “Congratulate me when the baby is here”. With my first pregnancy I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, but it went undiagnosed because I lived in rural Sub-Saharan Africa. With my second I had it again, much worse, and spent a week in the hospital (in Africa still). With my third I started meds early and avoided sickness, but with 2 months remaining I can barely walk by late afternoon because I am so weak and my whole body aches. When I’m not awake at night with my kids I’m awake with heartburn, despite the fact that I take meds for it daily. It’s just not a fun experience and it drives me nuts when people try to make it all positive. Those are usually the same people who think the birth experience itself is beautiful and can’t fathom why anyone would dull it with an epidural. I bought into all that stuff the first time around and it took me a while to forgive myself for getting an epidural 20 hours into a very hard labor. I think sometimes people forget that being overly positive can actually be a negative to those of us who have different experiences.

  230. You can have as many kids as you want that’s not anyone else’s problem as long as YOU and your husband can take care of them. I am a mother of two and I don’t want any more. I’ve had Christian woman bash me for my choice not to be perpetually pregnant and over extended. I knew what I could take and would never have more to impress anyone. I love being a mom, but I know what I can handle. My oldest, who I homeschool is special needs. It is a LOT of work. So, for the women who have one or two you’re not any less of a woman for not wanting more than that. Sometimes I think women use children as badges and say look how good I am and use a bunch of babies as validation. No, if you want more good for you, but I’ve gotten a lot of flak from women who want large families for not wanting a big one myself. But don’t ever let anyone question you on your biological choice in both extremes. As long as you love your child/children, no one else should have any comments about it. I think women with a lot of kids get more stuff from women who have none. And also, if you don’t want any children. It doesn’t make you selfish either.

    1. Nicole…Been there done that, I have the tee-shirt. I don’t think dedicating your time to the special blessing God gave you is selfish at all. Although I still would have had 4, we weren’t aware of how “special” our middle child was till after our third was born. A special needs child often dictates the amount of time and care you have for other children in your life……and God knows exactly who to give these precious packages to….even when we don’t think we are adequate(ME ME ME!!!)

  231. I grew up second oldest in a family of ten. I am aparamedic. I almost didn’t get married because I did not want children for a long time and really enjoy being a paramedic; but we did get married and in spite of trying not to we got pregnant within 3 weeks, and I cried. But then I cried more when we had a miscarriage, and several months later intentionally became pregnant again. When our son was 11 months old, we once again became pregnant in spite of all our efforts to avoid it. Our daughter just turned two, and once again we are 3 months pregnant though trying to avoid it. I get sick with all of them, and have complications (apparently I have trouble making a healthy placenta). Neither of my children consistently sleep through the night, and I’m always tired, have headaches, etc. so we are planning for this to be our last. My mom, who really advocated the “let God have control of your family size,” is 50 yo and still has 5 children at home. She has helped me be at peace with limiting the size of our family, and says that she loves all her children but she is very tired; so many children and so many years of sleepless nights and caring for such a large family has caused health problems. Children are a blessing, yes, but it’s okay to say I’m done.

  232. I am trying to not feel like my children are a burden. I am 50/50 on this. When they are turning my house upside down it’s hard to think oh how lovely they are. I like things clean, but don’t feel I have to be the maid. (now mine are little, but they can clean up after themselves, 4 and 7 are good ages for this) As soon as I fix something they break it or ruin it literally within minutes. I have 2 little girls and for the most part they are well behaved. I got in the shower and my littlest one had made paste out of flour and water and was using it as lotion all over her body.FUN! Okay not a big deal I took pictures it was funny. Then she started kicking it as I carried her to the bath tub all over my bed. That’s when it became not so funny. I struggle with this daily. I love them dearly and can’t imagine life without them. But they honestly do drive me nuts at times and I am not going to pretend they don’t and give someone a false sense of how motherhood actually is. There are HUGE ups and downs. It’s always been hush hush with any issues and if you have problems you must be doing something wrong or your a bad mother. NOT true. I am tired of everyone always saying how perfect angels they are. No they are not they are selfish beings that are not innocent. Having tons of children is NOT for everyone if you are that person go for it, if not nobody should fault either side on this one. You do what is right by you and what works for your family. I wanted 4 I have 2 and it was my choice to stop. I am fertile I could have popped one out after the other it’s how we’re created. I know me and I should not have any more my plate is full. I went to the OBGYN and there was a lady there pregnant with her 5th child. A well put together woman and I didn’t say anything negative to her. I said “Wow you ARE the woman!” Because she was! She was the type who could take on 5 children or more who knows. She’s wonder woman in my eyes and I bet in her family’s eyes as well. Praise those who multiply in numbers and do it well and praise those who have what they have and do it well. Because if you have a child you ALL are wonder woman! They are precious, but it is not easy that is reality. No matter how frazzled you get your love will allow everyone’s survival lol.

  233. I have 5 children here and 1 in heaven. They are ages 7,6,4,2,and 19months. When we are out and about I ALWAYS here things. I see people whispering, and pointing. And a LOT of people come up to me and say things. Some say some really mean things about kids. I have always tried to handle it very well. Put a smile on my face and tell them how blessed I am, but I am getting concerned because now my 7 year old is paying close attention and it bothers him. It’s almost like he “takes up” for me. When people will say things, he will speak up and say, “We love kids, we are very blessed!” But he has talked with me later and it really bothers him. Do you have any advice? How do I protect my children from the rude, callous, mean remarks people say? They do understand that there are not many who believe like us and place children in a blessing category. But people can be so mean. My kids hear every word these people say.

  234. We just found out we are expecting our 6th, my 8th. I never look forward to the announcement, it saddens me the way even my MIL reacts, but I try not to let it get me down. I have a 13, 12, 6, 4, 3, 2, and 10month old. We are so blessed with these precious souls, I wouldn’t trade it for anything! Thank you for your wonderful words!!

  235. As a mother of 10 ages 13 to 3 months, thank you for this post. Children are a blessing yet the world calls them a curse. We must stand and trust The Lord in all things!

  236. I had my 3 close together…the last 2 not even a year apart…and I home school! I get a lot of negative comments and people trying to convince me to put my girls in the public school system. I have many reasons for home schooling, but the main one is that I feel God has called me to do it. Most people, even Christians, don’t understand that! My girls are all older now…8, 9, and 10 and have been home schooled all along and people outside the church are always commenting on how well behaved and respectful they are!

  237. I have heard them, and I believe there may have been once or twice in jest that I have said something similar what the “just wait” to a friend. They always know though that I love my life and having my children. I am blessed with two kids. They are my “job” as some say.
    One negative that I have heard more than once has actually come after having my second child. It has been from my mother. Times can be rough with two littles (the oldest just turned 5). But hearing “We need to get you a job” or “we need to find you more adult interaction” is not uplifting at all. My children are my “job” and I would not have it any other way. I do not want to miss the moments I have with them, when their daddy is at work providing for us. I thank you so much for this post. When the kids give me moments, I do believe I am going to catch up on the “Opposite World” Series you have on here. I think I may need it to refocus.

  238. Wow! I felt the opposite. I feel like not enough people convey the true grit it takes to become a parent. I foresaw my life changing through rose-colored glasses. Everyone told me how wonderful it was going to be, and I was beyond excited to start a new chapter in life with my husband. I felt so blessed to be able to get pregnant so easily (on the first try) and to have such a healthy pregnancy. But then came the baby – and I love her more than life. But there was 3-1/2 months of colic, three months of extreme pain and darkness through breastfeeding, and the ever-present reality of postpartum depression. All of this and a baby who is very high needs. I know, I know. Some of you are saying “what baby isn’t high needs?” Well when you have one that is remarkably so, you’ll know. I was NOT ready for what God gave me, and I am learning every day. This experience has led me to be one of those people who really wants to be very truthful about becoming a mother, a parent. I wish more people had prepared me for what was coming. But it’s true… some people just have it easy. And some have much more easy-going personalities than me. It is different for everyone, and I don’t believe that telling someone like it is – based upon your own experience – is negative or opposite. I am thankful for my little girl, but I am quick to tell you that this is the HARDEST thing I have every done. And I ask God for strength and patience everyday. And He has gotten me through it all, but I will not devalue its difficulty or the strength He’s given me to get through it. It has only deepened my faith. So to those of you who still say “Just wait…” or tell it like it is, you are not alone. Being a momma is a different kind of tough. But it’s still a tough, wonderful blessing.

  239. I have not read all of the comments on this post but I did feel called to say something. I’m a 20 year old college student, and I feel almost as if this post is striving to pin down my gender to one role in life: bearing children. I agree that children are a blessing from God, but my purpose on this Earth is to worship my father and my God, NOT to bear children per se. I know I am young now, but I have thought about having a family in the future, and while I want kids, I have passions given to me from God that I feel a calling towards. Kids are a sacrifice, but they are not the only sacrifice that a woman can make, and lets face it, kids DO mean taking time off from work and other activities that could also be a form of worship and sacrifice. This is why I’m working so hard in school and staying on the path through which I’m attempting to glorify God. Only God knows what plans he has for me and I am strengthened and at peace with this. I won’t be planning my life around what the “typical” Christian life should look like, nor will I adhere to the way of the world. Instead, I’m going to keep vigilant in worship and prayer to my maker. If that means kids down the road, then it means kids, but if not, then that’s okay too.

    I guess my point is that while I don’t agree with the negativity felt towards the idea of traditional family and raising children, I also feel like this post puts out the idea that the best and most respectable way a woman can serve God is through childbirth.

    1. Amen. I posted something similar before reading your comment.

      Remember, Paul said that you can serve the Lord without being married or having children. You can glorify God in many ways. Choosing not to have children does NOT mean you are wasting the time God gave you as a quote in the post suggests.

    2. I also am a 20 year old college student. And I don’t plan on having kids for years–my dream is to explore the world, and children make that so much more difficult and expensive and much more improbable!

    3. I think that if you keep in communion with the Lord about when to have children, then all is well. The sole purpose of women is not in childbirth only but to be mothers to all around us. We can be mothers to so many without having children of our own. But never allow anyone but the Lord to tell you when the time it right. I am almost finishing my Bachelors and I only got married a year ago. Does this mean I waited too long? Hardly, the Lord knew who would make the best husband and father in my family and I am glad it worked out this way. Only now have we started trying. And the rest is up to the Lord. I hope that you will not feel pressured in either extreme. But I can tell you that whatever decision you make that brings you the most peace, is the right answer. No one but the Lord can give you that in your heart.

    4. Kenzie, I went to medical school with about 75 young women who felt like you! We all struggled with knowing that we would have a family much later in life. I was told multiple times by well meaning Christian mamas that my primary role was to someday be a mother so why go through med school? Almost 20 years and 3 children later, I can tell you I love my life and feel so blessed with all the opportunities the Lord has given me as a physician. God has made each one of us so unique and special; it makes sense that we don’t all take the same path in life. When I was in my 20s I wished I would have the desire to be a stay at home mom, but I am so glad that I get to experience the amazing blessings God had for me as a mother and a physician!

  240. I am the proud mother of five… the family I married into was not happy that I had so many and never put any of that well intended advice to use. I felt extremely fortunate to give birth. I watched my peers shoot for the stability and finances and I just kept having babies. They then had little families and a few could never conceive. We have always struggled with money, but never with blessings. I am the proud mother of five… and I feel that God gifted me with each one. How they have changed me and made me a better person I could never explain.

  241. As a mother of 5 children, I have heard the negativity in spades. Coming from friends and even family. Why would you put a strain on you finances and have that many kids? How many baby daddies do you have( that one is my favorite!) What I have always taught my children is this…. God is all powerful and all knowing. He knows what my body can handle and when I should have my kids. I teach them that while we have the choice, God helps us fulfill our life plan. I teach them to trust god and look to Him for the answers that they need.

  242. I have believed my whole life that children a gift and a blessing from God. It ticked me off when relatives started telling me how much trouble they think kids are, and how they think I shouldn’t have more than one or two (depending on the person), or when I qas in tears praying for my first for over four years, while they said I would regret asking for a baby. What I regret is having friends like that 🙁 my son is now 15 months old, & my husband & I hqve now been blessed with a surpsing second pregnancy. I am enjoying every minute of being a stay-at-home mom, & thankf for the opportunity. Thank you for sharing this post!

  243. We have had an opposite experience. We had lots of positive feedback with our first two biological children. We are adopting our third child and have had people try to talk us out of it or tell us we are making the biggest mistake of our lives. These responses came from close friends and family members. It hurts. Children are a gift no matter how they come into a family. Thanks for the encouraging words.

  244. I have only 2 children both boys ages 9 and 21. People always assume the 12 year spread is due to a second marriage. It’s not. My husband and I struggled with infertility and this is what was in the plan for us. We wanted more children but it didn’t happen. I am going to throw a little wrench into the works here. I used to long for a baby and while going through fertility treatments and every month being disappointed it was hard. I would find myself saying hurtful things to women with a vanful of kiddos because I was hurting. I would stare at pregnant women not just because they were pregnant but because I wanted another child so badly myself. It was hard watching a family with 4 kids getting pregnant with a 5th when I was praying for just a second one. It’s just a thought but please don’t automatically assume that the stares and rude remarks are because the person disapproves it could be they are speaking through hurt. I am not saying this as an excuse for bad behavior just to point out that judgement can go both ways.

    1. Jen, I can relate to the feelings you expressed, envying fertile women, richly blessed with children all around their feet. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mommy (still secretly played with dolls when I was 13!) Although I lived for Christ as a teen and young adult, I wandered far from his path during my 20’s. When I came back to him at age 28 with a new understanding of his amazing grace, I still sometimes thought God might not answer my prayers for a godly husband and for children. But he LOVES me, despite my foolish, wandering heart! He brought me a wonderful man whose faith journey paralleled my own – and our hearts matched! I was 29 and he was 36. I told him I dearly wanted to stay home when we had babies, not put them in a kennel (what daycare looked like to me.) He agreed with all his heart, but we both had debts from career changes, etc. and it would be awhile till we could live on 1 modest income. So we married 8 months after we met, lived in an apartment 3 1/2 years and diligently worked our financial plan (I worked at a non-profit that helps foster kids, which paid $6/hour which doesn’t pay down debt very fast! So I was helping children, just not getting to have my own…) Finally when I was 33 we were close to being in position (cars paid off, bought a small house) and started trying. We were beyond excited when we got pregnant a year later, and our precious boy was born 5 days after I turned 35. Because of job changes, moves and life-stress, plus advancing age and health issues, we only got to have that one baby. I often grieved for the children I didn’t get to mother. I have cried out to God about the GOOD and valid desires of my heart that went unfulfilled. I admire and enjoy large families. That could’ve been me, but wasn’t. Tragically, my husband died when our son was 8, so now it’s just the two of us – my son is 14, towering over his shorty-mom at 6 feet tall! Did my early choices keep me from living God’s Plan A for me? I don’t know. He is not one to punish his dear ones harshly, but we do sometimes reap the consequences of our sin. Should I have waited to marry a man more financially stable, or younger? I have no regrets – we had a beautiful marriage for almost 14 years, and he helped me become who I am. He poured a lifetime of love into our son in 8 short years (since he was 43 when he became a dad, he fully appreciated the gift of fatherhood and lived it to his fullest ability.). My life is not the one I dreamed of, with a loving husband and a houseful of children. Yet God is faithful. He is a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless. And while I occasionally still long for the babies I might have had given a different set of circumstances, I am grateful and content with the life that’s right here in front of me. And I cherish the baby-turned-into- a -young man who God has entrusted to my care. We only get to live once. I would advise young people to follow God CLOSELY, marry his chosen one for them while they are still young and have children young if they can.

  245. I think it’s important that we remember that there is not one set path for the female gender ( nor the male). I believe I would have enjoyed having my children at a younger age than I did…but that was not how God planned it for me. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29…we married when I was 31…we lost our first baby when I was 34…and delivered a healthy baby girl when I was 35. Our second daughter was born three years later when I was 38. Yes, most of the time I was an ‘older’ Mom in the classroom & on the field-trips…I didn’t care! I waited a Very Long time to be a Mom & I was going to enjoy Every minute of it!!!

    I grew up in a family where my Mom was at both ends of this Motherhood thing. She was 21 when I was born, 26 when my first brother was born, 35 when my sister was born (I begged for this baby for years!) and 37 when my youngest brother was born (on the day my Mom told me she was pregnant for my sister, I told her she was going to have to have another one after that or this one would be Really spoiled! There weren’t going to be any neighbor kids with this one). I overheard one woman from church make the snide remark that, “accidents will happen”…to which my Mother never acknowledged in front of this woman, but it cut her to the quick. My Mother never felt that ANY child should be thought of as an “accident”.

    So, I don’t know if it’s because of the family I grew up in that it seemed quit normal to me to have my babies later, I don’t know, I just know that that’s the way God had it planned for me.

    And shame on those women saying such mean things to your friend!

  246. I’m not pregnant yet, but at 30 years old and after 3 1/2 years of trying, my husband and I are going through IVF in a few weeks. While I am so thankful that this technology is around to help us finally become parents, it kind of dashes my dreams for a big family (we are scraping by to afford it). Maybe it’s the teacher in me but I love being around all 6 of my nieces at the same time and spending time with My friend and her 4 young children.
    I agree that motherhood is a calling, and it’s been calling my name for a long time! My husband and I got married at 25 and wanted to wait until we were set in our careers, set in our forever home, and financially “ready” to have a child. Now that we’ve tried for so long, we both wish we’d tried right away when we weren’t so “ready”.
    Thank you for the beautiful post and for reminding us to look at the joy children bring into this world!

  247. Amen sister! I am 28, will be 29 when I deliver my first little one on the way! I have fought this ever since I found out I was pregnant. It seems like everyone at work’s first question is, “Will you come back to work”? That’s a whole different topic, but I am admittedly downtrodden from the idea that I really want to “just be a Mom!” Thank you for sharing this. Defying Opposite World, right beside ya!

  248. When pregnant with my third child (my other two were 3 and almost 2), a cashier said, “I would commit suicide if that happened to me!”

    Thank you for this timely post and gentle reminder that our children truly are a blessing from Him — ‘every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above’. We now have five littlies (ages 6-2), very busy days and incredibly full hearts.

  249. I had 5 in a little more then 3.5 years. I got the “you know how it happens” so much that I just started answering with “Yes, my husband had sex”. And when I got pregnant with the twins, I printed a shirt that read “Yes, I know how THESE happen, I was there.” It generally took care of things. Once we moved states to the great state of TX, I ended up getting so much positive feedback. Especially from the older 2 kids only generation who told me “I wish we had more”. I wrote an entire list of come backs for friends with the same “problem”. What still gets me is that people act like the kids don’t hear their snide comments. And I started calling them out on it. Because it hurts my 6 year olds feelings! Go you, for being honest, and open.

  250. You know, after reading this post and some of the comments, I feel the need to play devil’s advocate for just a moment- and I am most certain that I will be branded as the devil’s advocate here! But I hear so many women complain that they get so many hurtful comments about their large families, but as a woman who attends church with a LOT of large families, I find it to be quite the opposite. I didn’t rush to “find” as husband, and God brought my husband to me when I was 29. He is also in the military, so was gone a lot in the early days of our marriage, and as you know, one can’t get pregnant alone. So I had my first daughter at 32 and my second at 35. I got pregnant quite easily both times, despite the annoying comments I had received in my twenties that I’d better hurry up and marry and start a family or it would be difficult. Huh, I guess God accomplishes exactly what He wants in His own time without me trying to take control. Anyway, when my second daughter was delivered via c-section it was discovered I had ovarian cancer. Oh, I know, now you’re saying, “See, see, if only you had started having babies sooner!!!”. But now. I had my babies exactly when and how God planned, and that baby, in fact, saved my life. But… it also meant there would be no more. And it meant that I am not considered an ideal candidate to adopt. And you know what?? I am entirely at peace with that! At 41 I constantly get comments from strangers and friends as to whether I am going to “try for a boy” and so on. And I most definitely pick up on the disdain for what the larger families perceive as some worldly “opposite world” choice on our part to have only two children. And I get the impression I am supposed to feel empty or sad or “less than” them… just a little LESS of a mom and a little LESS of a godly woman than the mom with 3, 4, 5, 6 or more kids. Well, I don’t feel that way. So let’s be really careful, ladies, not to turn this into a baby-making competition, because that is not what God is calling you to, either. Children ARE an inheritance from the Lord, whether it’s 1 or a dozen, and I am not going to sit around regretting finishing college and having a career in my twenties and waiting on the wonderful man the Lord had for me to raise our family.

    1. Our quiver is full when the Lord makes out quiver full. Whether it be 1 child, or whether it be a dozen. God is good. Does anyone remember Father Abraham had many sons?

    2. Robin,

      I don’t think you’re playing Devil’s advocate at all!! In fact, I love your story. I was married at what was considered “late” in my family. All of 26…might as well have been over the hill!! I don’t think anyone feels you are LESS of a godly woman at all. In fact, if you had never been able to have children, or had only been blessed with two, it’s because you had two really AWESOME blessings!! In my opinion, I think what the author is just trying to say is that children shouldn’t be viewed as “necessary evils”. You absolutely should NOT regret finishing college, having a career, and waiting for the one God intended. You followed His will, you listened to His Word, and now you are blessed 🙂 I am sorry you have sensed disdain from others, but luckily, we do not aim to please anyone but Him. So congratulations on your blessings!!

  251. I’m a new mom & can totally identify with the negative comments…. And now, I’m blessed with a very laid back “easy” baby. ALL I hear from strangers & acquaintances is how I better be prepared for the next one because I SURELY will not be blessed with 2 laid back babies & the next one will “get me” bc
    I’m “spoiled” now! Maybe so…. But it sure is interesting that strangers seem to know the temperament of my next child who hasn’t even been conceived yet 🙂

    1. I had 3 babies and all of them have been easy. I’m hoping #4 who is due in July will be just as easy and laid back. 🙂 My first 2 were 15 months apart.

  252. Hi! Thanks for a great post! My husband and I got married later (28) for various reasons and started having kids when I was 30. I’m turning 35 in June and having #4 in July. We have 3 kids currently–4, 3, 1 and I’m very pregnant. You wouldn’t believe the looks I get when I go out alone (or even with him). People are constantly commenting that this is our last one, right? and that we know what causes this (is it a disease?). I also birth at home and plan to homeschool, so everyone just thinks we are a little crazy. We believe that children are a blessing. I’m not sure if we’ll have another one or not, but we do plan to adopt in the future too.

  253. I am 26 and pregnant with my second child, and I am amazed at the remarks I get. Some of the remarks from my own church. I was recently at a radiant woman’s meeting and a lady responded to me having a 3 yr old and one on the way with, “But you look so young to have children”. It saddens me that even woman of Christ are just as fast to judge in the world we live in today.

  254. I spoke aloud at a family gathering and said I been considering having another baby, as the 2 we have are such a joy to me (17 and 12). I am 43. My niece, who along with my sister is a little bit mean to me, said, “Oh, you want to have a down syndrome baby?” I said, “what do you mean?” She said, “Because you are old and your eggs are dried up.” I said, “My sister-in-law had a down-syndrome baby at age 25. My friend had one at 27. And if God chooses for me to have a down syndrome baby, then YES, I DO!” I am tired of mean women. She may have meant it mean, but the Lord Blesses us with children. Period.
    Prayers to all momma’s out there….May you seek the Lord above all things, and may He richly bless you.

  255. I had my three children very close together (11 months between the first two, and then 16 months between the second and third – so 3 kids in 28 months), and I get a lot of comments about having my hands full when out in public. Since my kids are with me and can hear this, I try to say “My hands are full of good things!” and smile when I say it. 🙂

    1. I have 6 kids and hear that comment a lot – now I know how to better respond to them!! My hands are full of good things!

  256. God’s plan for us is to go forth, be fruitful and multiply. I haven’t had children yet due to infertility problems but it has given me the desire to have as many as I can handle and I know god will bless us with children because it is his plan for mankind to be fruitful in every area of our lives.
    Gods plan for pregnancy is a fantastic book with scriptures from the bible in regarding childbearing. I would encourage everyone wanting children to read it.

  257. I had a some what similar experience to yours. I had my 1st baby at 26 and then twins at 28. Due to difficulties with the twin pregnancy I too fell into a trap that has drowned me in regret and I was unable to have more children after that. I would love to have more children because I am so blessed by the ones that I have they are amazing. My husband and also could have started at least 3 years earlier but we were finishing school and building a house etc etc …. It was not worth it to have those things. I love my children so much and thank God for them every day. When I knew that my second pregnancy might be my last I started praying to God for multiples and it was an answered prayer. I knew that I was having twins as soon as the test came back positive. Conception was easy but the second pregnancy had it’s share of issues. I will always regret giving in to the Dr. and giving up my chance for future children.

  258. This is an incredibly judgmental article. I fully believe women should be able to family plan as they choose. 0-10 children, that’s a personal decision between you, your husband, and God. Maybe that is what this article is suppose to convey. However, it seems to take a firm stance in the opposite direction; judging those who have decided to have children in their 30s, those who want to have a career, or those who haven’t found a husband yet. And to say that those women are not serving God properly with their lives is an insult and absolutely flabbergasting.

    “It is what God gave you time for.”–So Mother Theresa wasted the time God gave her because she didn’t have children? This really takes women’s rights back to the dark ages, and not even the dark ages prescribed by scripture. In fact, Paul said that you don’t have to have children or get married to serve the Lord.

    1. It is true that one doesn’t have to be married or have children to serve the Lord. But this article I feel encourages women to not be afraid of “losing out” on life by having children. After all, I’m 27 and am still working on my Bachelors (graduating Dec 2013). Does this mean I’m not caring about making children my priority? Not at all. After all, I’ve only been married to my husband a year and chose to abstain from sex before marriage. I want children very much but it was only at this time that my husband and I felt it was “time” to start trying. And we are no where near the “ready” that the world would require us to be at. I do not think this article is trying to be judgmental, but rather that it is a cry to stop putting down those who *do* want to have children young or in large numbers.

    2. I don’t think this article was intended to insult those who don’t want children/lots of children or who want to wait to have children, although I was also sort of offended at first as well. However I believe this article was more of an encouragement for women who DO want to follow this particular lifestyle–to show them that they are following A biblical way of living (not the ONLY one) and that they don’t have to have a cultural stamp of approval on their choices.
      Since you mentioned that you believe this should be a personal decision, I don’t think that you judge others for their decisions on their family. If true, then you shouldn’t feel judged for your decisions either.

      1. Because I don’t think people should be judged for planning their families as they choose, I shouldn’t FEEL judged? That logic is flawed.

        I sincerely hope the point of this article is what you claim it is… though I must say, it seemed to be pointedly and quotably advocating that (at least) the best way to serve the Lord is to have children. Time not pregnant is God’s time wasted. After looking through the posts, I’m not the only one skeptical of this article’s actual message, regardless of its intent.

  259. I am thrilled and warmed in my heart to see posts like this and so many women out there who feel the same. I didn’t find and marry my sweetheart till 26. I met him at 25 and refused to settle for anyone else. We haven’t finished our degree yet but after a year of marriage, despite the lack of the world’s standards of “readiness”, we are now trying to have our first child. I plan on having at least four kids and he wanted 4-6. I am so glad to be on this journey and hope to find support as I go along. More than anything, I hope my body doesn’t give out too soon as I cannot wait to be engulfed in little arms and give my all to God’s greatest gifts. Thank you for standing for virtue and truth! Keep it up!!

  260. Why does having children need to be synonymous with a readiness in your body? Adoption is something that is available to everyone, at any age, and is available when parenting is right in your heart, not just your uterus. People need to stop being so focused on biology being a tie that creates families. Love is what creates families.

    1. True. Adoption is a great thing IF God calls you to it. But it’s not some magic recipe to become a parent though. That would be for the wrong motive. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for nearly 3 years. We know that adoption is a great thing but God hasn’t put that on our hearts yet. I actually feel that to go and adopt right now would be avoiding and getting out from under what God’s will for us now.

      From your post I can’t tell if you’re upset that the original article didn’t mention that,(in that case, I agree) or that people who can’t, don’t create their family through adoption, but in any case, whether biological, adoption or God’s already given what you need, it should still be God’s leading only.

  261. This article is so true! I have heard it all, from when I was a senior in college and we became pregnant with our oldest “Are you crazy?? Now you’ll never graduate or get a job!”, to when we were pregnant with our 5th child “You do know what causes this, right?”, and ” You won’t stop until you get a basketball team…or a boy will you?”.

    We have been incredibly blessed with 5 beautiful girls, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I can get stressed, and tired, and wish for 5 minutes of quiet…but those moments do not last long, I know that God has big plans for these girls!!

  262. I’m currently in college right now but I don’t plan on having children until after I’ve enjoyed married life a little, traveled extensively around the world, fulfilled some of my life dreams. And even then, I don’t want more than one or two–three max. If God has other plans, that’s fine. Two years ago I didn’t want children at all! so He’s certainly already done a work on my heart in this issue alone. I’m always happy for people who are pregnant/have children. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing to not want lots of children, to want to live my life a little bit before settling down. Now I realize the point of the article wasn’t to bash people who DO want to follow this particularly cultural norm (at least, I don’t think it was), but to encourage those who want to break the typical stereotype of family/children.

  263. There’s something to be said for waiting to have children. Some people need to work out their immaturity or their career goals or their education BEFORE babies come. I have many friends who never finished their college education (and complain about it to this day) because they had babies young…because in some Christian communities, like the one I grew up in, you had no VALUE or PURPOSE, unless you had babies young. 🙁 I’m thankful my husband and I waited five years after marriage to have kids. We traveled, I finished my degree, we had lots of lazy Saturday mornings together. It was wonderful! AND, the best part? I was diagnosed with type I diabetes at the age of 24, and that lead us to choosing adoption… And now we have three beautiful brown babies. So if your biological door closes…maybe God is leading you to adopt? I know adoptive families well into their 50s… 😉

  264. I can remember just two years ago when I was a beaming bride to be and all of the negativity I experienced just being excited to be getting married. I didn’t let others negativity bother me, but it was definitely an eye opener to our cultures ideas of marriage! We haven’t tried for any children yet, but I have read many posts including the one you quoted so I will be prepared to go against the flow when I have my first little baby bump!

  265. Thank you for your blog post. I married young, at about 20. We both agreed that we would welcome our children whenever they were sent to us and planned to start our family right away. I’m so glad we didn’t wait because little did I know, I had problems with infertility and recurrent miscarriages. I’m 25 now and after three miscarriages and infertility, I have a healthy two year old son and another baby on the way in a few months.Nothing brings me greater joy and fulfillment in my life than being a mother to my sweet babies. There could never t be any other experiences, luxury items, you name it, that could top that.

  266. I have 8 children plus one born into Heaven. When I was young and pregnant with our fifth I’d heard the “Don’t you know what causes that??” comment just enough to reply, ‘Yeah, and we love it!!”
    As I got older, and had more babies, our 9th at the age of 44, I came to realize that people are just talking. They don’t really care how many children you have or how old you are or how close together they are. They’re just flapping their gums, as my granny used to say. I had a lot more peace once I learned to respond graciously and silently thank God for my babies. My very close friend who desired but couldn’t have children has suffered much more than I ever have. People still invite her to baby showers all the time. It just doesn’t occur to people how hard that is for her.
    After a particularly rude encounter I had when our 8th baby had died but had not been born, crushed me and someone shared Hanlon’s Razor with me, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” People just do not know what to say.

  267. Wow, this is an amazing post… my husband and I are in our mid-twenties, had our first son in March (a month premature), and will celebrate our 1 year anniversary in May! The Opposite World can’t believe we would want to have a baby right way. I’ve been told we should “enjoy our time together” first. While I was pregnant, I received many negative parenting comments and was asked how many babies we want to have quite often. We would like to have 5 kids or so, if God blesses us with that many, and most people’s reaction is “wow, that’s expensive!”.

    This blog post has been a huge encouragement to me and I’m definitely passing it on. Children ARE a huge blessing to God. Yes they are a sacrifice, but they bring so much joy to this world, too! God bless!

  268. My husband and I wanted 8 kids. I brought my 3yr old son into our marriage and God blessed us with 3 little girls. However, by the time our youngest was born my body was becoming too ill during pregnancy to handle anymore. We hope to adopt someday.

  269. Oh my goodness I TOTALLY resonate with this post!!! I got married at 21 and NOBODY supported me…well…my husband did. But not many others! When we got pregnant 4 months later all I could think was…I’M IN TROUBLE! Seriously. I thought that. I was scared to tell anyone. Now we have a beautiful 1-year-old…but the enemy whispers in my ear all the time…your not good enough. your too young. you have no idea what your doing.

    I love this. thank you for the encouragement.

  270. Thank you for this! I am pregnant with my first and my husband and I are so excited to meet and love on our blessing from God. We actually did wait for awhile to have children and some days I wonder if that decision was right, but I know everything is in God’s timing. We also hope to have more, but we are also putting that into God’s hands.

    Unfortunately I have gotten a lot of negative feedback, but I haven’t let that bother me as I know what a gift this child will be. Today, I actually had a lady come up to me at the store and say “Oh, you’re pregnant. Is this your first?” When I responded that it was, she said, “Only have one. It is hard and babies are hard.” I was shocked and honestly didn’t know how to respond.

    Thank you so much for this post today!

  271. I haven’t experienced it personally very much because I had a hard time getting pregnant with my first baby (It took us over 2 years of actively trying and I was only 22 when I got married.) I WAS told that 22 was young for getting married. ( which seems silly to me since I got married at an older age then most the people in my family and wanted to get married younger) I was also told over and over again not to try for children right away when I expressed our wish to start trying for a baby ASAP. I’m told all the time that my desire for 4 children is too much or that they’d never even consider it even though I grew up in a family with 5 children. I certainly can’t imagine life without any of my sisters.

  272. I am a mother of three hear on earth (4, 2, and 4-months) and one waiting to meet me in Heaven and I hope there are more to come 🙂 I am so thankful for the encouragement of this article, especially on a day full of the challenges of motherhood! I am so blessed by God to be called to motherhood and to daily understand more deeply my need for Him and His goodness and grace and mercy toward me! Late in my last pregnancy with a 3-year-old and 1-year-old in tow, I received plenty of negative looks and comments. But, the interactions that are still fresh in my memory are two separate shopping trips when I was ready-to-pop and struggling with my other 2. Both times I was behind a woman (different woman each time) at the checkout who had one little one with her and was carefully observing me. My assumption was of the critical things she must be thinking, but then she turned and told me she had 3 and continued to speak encouragement and blessing to me as I anticipated that season. What a GIFT to hear those words.
    As I think about those interactions, and this article, I am convicted to not only believe my children are a blessing, but to be the one who speaks those words of encouragement to the pregnant mom, the young mom, the mom who’s kids are not obediently responding in the moment whether she has one child or 10. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thes. 5:11
    On the other side of this conversation, I was thinking last night about the negative comments I field and the looks I get now that I have three littles with me and the Spirit just broke my heart over those who cannot conceive of the joy found in His good gifts. Seeing children as a blessing follows being drawn into His Joy and knowing and trusting Him. Oh that those living in “Opposite World” might behold His glory and be transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another! And my prayer is that God would use our family to point others to Him.

  273. I think that our society in general is negative, not that is right. My problem with this post is who cares what others think or say. Who cares that fifth is planned and not a mistake? If enough people say, it doesn’t mean it is true. The tone of your article is defensive. There is nothing wrong with either choice a woman and her partner makes. Because you have children young doesn’t mean you are not modern and because you have them older doesn’t mean your modern. God makes the plans and there are reasons to his divine ways. I work in post partum and the NICU as a dietitian, everyone has an opinion.

  274. I became pregnant with my second child at 42. We had just moved to a new state. When I found a doctor the first thing he said was you should not be having a baby at all! Wow. They couldn’t wait to get me signed up for all that “special” older mom testing. All of which I refused. God has blessed us with two beautiful children. But, I do Love watching those younger mamas playing with their little ones. We do wish we had started our family much younger and had several, yes several more. But this mama just couldn’t. Feeling so blessed all the same. God just doesn’t have the same plan for each one of us now does he?

  275. This post is so great – Children are such an amazing gift from God and it’s so true that the relationship between parent and children speak volumes in such a dark world. However, I have been (as I am sure many of us have) on the side where we are “warning” our close friends and/or family when they are first time parents. I’m not sure why we feel the need to do that, but I haven’t met a single person who doesn’t. That said, there are SOOOOO many things that I WISH people had warned me about…in general I wish someone had just told me that NOTHING goes the way you plan – basically should have thrown that plan out the window.
    that’s my two cents, I just don’t necessarily think it is a bad thing to be warned that although you “think” you will be able to take a newborn to work with you, your “plan” is to ween them to a bottle immediately, or you will most certainly be sleeping through the night at 3 weeks; things just may not go how you have them planned

    1. I say these things because I was ADAMANT about them….needless to say…none of them went the way I wanted them to…and my heart changed on most of them after my girl was born….we had a plan going in, but in so many ways, I wish we hadn’t. Not that we wanted to just throw everything to the wind, but I wish we had been a lot more flexible – especially when we hit 3 weeks and she wasn’t sleeping through the night…or the first time i tried to take her to work with me!
      Geez – what was I thinking

  276. Yes, yes and yes to everything you wrote! My husband and I have three children ages 5 and younger. I heard so many comments from family, friends and coworkers about having “such a large family”! When I was pregnant with my third, I was shocked by the OBGYN that I saw at one of my visits, when she blatantly asked what type of permanent birth control we had decided on for after the delivery!!!

    Oh well, my heart is warmed to see so many women with similar thoughts and feelings on this matter. Thank you for being so brave in this opposite world to address such issues.

  277. I always wanted to be married young but didn’t meet the man I will marry until after I finished college, and even then there was a beautiful process of going from the first trip we (friend and I) made in his car (when he kindly took me home shortly after arriving b/c I ended up being too sick to stay for my own welcome party) to the most beautiful friendship ever between a man and a woman. I’m so happy for women who meet and marry godly men young and where each individual shows commitment in the relationship; it is so rare. Despite my desire to marry younger, I’m so glad I waited for this man to come along. He loves God, has high standards, accommodates my standards, and encourages me to do right. I couldn’t be more blessed. And concerning children, I am just amazed when I see families (like a couple of my old coaches) that have children (9 now, I think) that just show wonderful self-control and love for each other that isn’t present in many small families! I’ll admit I mocked a little bit, but the more I see of them, the more I stand amazed. Thank God they are raising a tribe of children to honor our Lord! 🙂

  278. Most definitely did I hear negative comments. One of my four sisters first comment when she found out we were pregnant with #3 about 7 years after #2 came along was “well there goes another 21 years of your life!”. That ‘baby’ is 20 and finding his own path and the 20 years have FLOWN by! Because of the spacing of our kids (5 1/2 and nearly 8 years apart) people thought # 3 was an “accident”. Many people were saying “so was this one a surprise?” and I finally got enough guts to say “well, we just don’t know how this happened…” and a bit of a dumb look on my face….and that was enough to shut them right up! Of course we knew how it “happened” and it took God almost 7 years to convince my husband that we could go for 3. But God is faithful and I have no regrets to have 3, even spaced far apart. I look at my friends that stopped with two and actually feel a bit sorry for them. #3 kept us young, involved, active, and I miss him a lot!!! Now I’m a grandma and struggling to find time to spend with those precious little ones…Life goes by fast. Hang on and enjoy!

  279. We wrote about a similar issue…we have 8 children and we constantly get questions (often disguising disingenuous opinions) about our family size. flinttribe.wordpress.com The hundreds of comments affirm that there are still many fighting against the Prince of This World…

  280. I am often assailed with remarks regarding my 4 kids. It’s only 4 kids! I am so profoundly thankful for my precious children. We have lost 3 babies; our first precious son was stillborn and my last 2 pregnancies have miscarried. I am so saddened by the attitude in the church today regarding children. When people in our old church found out about the last baby we lost the response was “you have 4, maybe it’s for the best”…!!!
    So sad. Children are a gift, a heritage, a blessing from the Lord. Why have we…the BODY of CHRIST bought this horrible lie??? My husband and I seek out ways to encourage those new mom’s and dad’s eagerly expecting their little one. My heart just burns when I hear these poor women burdening new mom’s with their horror stories. What has happened to Titus 2??? God’s word is still true. Times change, His word does not, which is exactly why we need it more today than ever! I just wish I could reach all these wives and mommies with the truth.

  281. I would have loved to have married and had children young. But I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32. And it wasn’t because I was focused on career or college. God simply didn’t bring him into my life untl that time. We got marred a year later and got pregnant four month later. I was 33 when my son was born. It was (and is!) the most wonderful and miraculous experience I have ever had. I love love LOVE being a mom.

    When I was pregnant I found people to be very excited for me! Most people would say to me, “Aren’t you so excited!” And I would respond, “I don’t know, I’ve never had a baby before.” I mean, I knew I had wanted to be a mother for as long as I could remember but I just didn’t know what it was like. Now I know that it’s absolutely wonderful! The BEST thing EVER. : )

    But everyone is different though. I think it’s best not make one type of person/family/situation better or more godly than another.

  282. I, too, fell under the spell of ‘Opposite World’, which stood in stark contrast to the culture my older brothers were raised in. They married in their late teens and had fun, youthful marriages on which to build a mature foundation. But after graduating from high school in 1970 and attending a year of college, I decided to spend my twenties fulfilling my own dreams, traveling, dating, things that I felt would stop once I started a family. If my hormones hadn’t kicked in at age 29, I’m not sure if I would have made the leap to get married and start a family even then. It was ‘last call’! Looking back, I envy several of my friends who ‘ran off and got married’ in high school or immediately following. They were young mothers and now have gotten to watch their grandchildren marry. I am 60 years old and still waiting for my first grandchild from a newlywed 27 year old daughter and a wedding for my 29 year old daughter. Will I even still be alive when my grandchildren are born…much less get to help see them into first grade? If they were born today, I would be 70 when they’re only 10 years old and the clock will be ticking. How much better to marry early and grow up with your husband, to have children early and to enjoy multiple generations of your family! Children are an heritage of the LORD and families are the strength of our foundation!

    1. Hi, I’m the Julie who posted about 10 posts down from yours. Just wanted to offer that my parents and my husband and I had really figured there wouldn’t be any children or grandchildren when we had our daughter. My mom was 70 at the time, and yes, she’s a bit limited physically in what she can do with my daughter. But that hasn’t put a damper on their relationship at all. They totally adore each other anyway. Incidentally both Mom and I were in the same boat: not really focusing on education and career but waiting on God’s time and introduction to a husband. And grateful for those years of experience. God knows what he’s doing, and he’s always right on time. God bless you.

  283. What a wonderful post! Besides people commenting on how many children you have and how close in age they are together, it’s amazing how many comment on gender! According to the world, we have a perfect family: a girl & a boy. When my son was born just recently everyone told me I must be so thrilled to have one of each, as if one of each was the key to happiness. I was happy with a boy, but I would have also been just as happy with another girl! Some then go on talking as if we shouldn’t have any more children because we have the “million dollar family”. ALL children are a blessing from the Lord, regardless of gender!

  284. Oh goodness yes, I did! Especially because I had three boys and then a girl. I actually had a checker tell me, in front of my four children, that she would kill herself if she had so many boys. Are you kidding me? Or people assume the only reason we had children was to have a girl and that’s why we have four. Not because we wanted four children, I mean, who can fathom that kind of craziness?

    1. Hahaha! We have seven boys! Took four boys until we had a girl… Then we had four girls, altogether… Then we had two more little boys. After a while folks just stopped asking. (They generally couldn’t be heard above the crowd, anyway…) I”ve had people say things like: I could NEVER do that! I answered: You poor thing. What’s wrong with you? (I figure if they throw it out there, I can do with it as I like, right?)

  285. We had nearly the same experience. We got married three years after high school graduation but didn’t start a family until we had been married 11 years so I was 30 when our first was born. Then it took a while to get pregnant with #2 so I was 37 when we had him. We started discussing #3 in very vague terms once our son turned 2 and then WHAM. Last October I entered menopause. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. Basically, my ovaries just quit. I stopped having periods immediately and had no idea why. Looking back though I had had hot flashes and weird hormone stuff for a while but didn’t recognize it. I wish we had started sooner too but I am blessed and so thankful for the two that we have. I also worry about my daughter because there is a genetic component to the disorder. I hope she doesn’t wait as long as we did. 🙂

  286. Same thing happens when you adopt. “WHY would you do that?” or “You’re too young to adopt. Wait until you’re 30.” And then if you adopt again “Wasn’t it painful enough the first time?” *rolls eyes*

  287. I am a mother of 6 🙂 and we’ve gotten the whole shebang, “Don’t you know what causes that?” “Are you done yet?” “Are these ALL yours?”. Which most of the time I just laugh and say, yeah :). What I really want to say is “Yes, and that’s none of your business” “We don’t know if we’re done yet, whatever God wants” and my fave, “Um no, we just borrowed a few”. It’s sad that people don’t understand just how much of a blessing they are. I can’t imagine our life if we had stopped at 2. Josh, who’s our 3rd and my heartbreaker, is the cutest, sweetest young man you’d ever meet. The fact that I would’ve never known his sweet face and laughter had listen to my mother when she so politely said “You’ve got a boy and a girl, aren’t you done?”, brings tears to my eyes. And every child that followed there after, Jacob, my strong silent one (except when he finds something funny), Lauren, my wonder filled beauty, so adventurous 🙂 and then there’s Elena, who’s only 7mos, but I can already tell she’s going to be the boundary breaker bc she’s done it from day 1. I can’t forget my oldest though, Andrew. I can always depend on him, he’s always there to help. The one I laugh the most with. Then there’s Haley, my creative one. She twirls every where she goes and has a song in her heart. I call myself blessed, I don’t need the world to do it for me. I don’t know where Gods gonna take us from here but I welcome every child he puts in my arms.

  288. As the mother of 3 grown daughters, I am thankful every day that God blessed me to be a mother. My two oldest are 14 months apart so when they were little I got all kinds of hurtful comments. My third daughter came along a couple of years later. I would have LOVED to have more but medical issues made it inadvisable. I homeschooled them all and I can honestly say that I enjoyed spending that time with them. Now with two married and the third headed down the aisle later this year, I look back on their childhood days as such a tremendous blessing. Of course, I love the relationships we have now too. And I finally got the “other” children I wanted when they married and gave me my sons! My favorite quote about motherhood… “When called to be a mother, do not stoop to be a queen.”.

  289. Honestly, I’m kind of tired of hearing about how large families are more godly and that limiting family size means you’re “believing lies” and “not trusting God,” etc., etc. If God had wanted me to have a large family He would have given me a body capable of doing so, He would have provided us with a larger income, and most importantly, He would have given me the conviction that having a lot of children is what He wants for me. My kids don’t have expensive toys or clothes, and none of has expensive hobbies. The idea that spa days and shopping trips are standing in the way of more children is hilarious! I wish! The reality is we simply can’t afford more children, and it would be wrong to make the children we have suffer so that we can try to appear more godly to other people. Going to college and starting a life before having children is not selfish, and I’m sad that young women may take away the message that their only “godly” option is to get married young and have as many babies as their bodies can bear. If women shouldn’t care about their education or career, how are they going to support these large families? Of course many will say “God will provide,” but I’ve known more than my share of large families where the children were not being properly cared for and some where they weren’t even getting enough to eat. But the parents thought they were godly because they had lots of kids. Sorry, but I will never believe that God would have us neglect the ones we have so that we can add more. That would not demonstrate the Gospel, it would make us look like we don’t appreciate the blessings we’ve already been given.

    1. That’s a good point, and I feel the burden of that too. It seems there’s negativity on both sides of this issue: “Why on earth would you have so many babies? Did you mean to have kids that young?” and on the other side, the destructive interpretation of “she will be saved through childbirth” to imply that holiness, for women, is equated with the number of children (or, if we’re honest, sons) that she has. I don’t know if we’ll ever have kids; the plan was to have them after 5 years of marriage, but the thought of all the danger that childbearing brings makes me think twice about it. Maybe we’ll just adopt if we can’t overcome our fears of pregnancy. But then there’s fears of being adequate parents: if we can’t discipline our dog without losing our tempers completely, how can we be trusted to raise a child? And keep in mind, we don’t even know if we’re capable of having kids yet, because we haven’t tried.

      So are trips to the spa and selfishness keeping us from having kids? Possibly, if selfishness means valuing our own safety and wanting to be more certain we’d be adequate parents. But if we get to our thirties and find ourselves unable to have children, then shouldn’t we accept that as God’s will too?

      How about we just all agree to quit judging and giving advice to pregnant couples and young parents unless they ask for it? And for that matter, let’s stop assuming that “I know what’s best for you” unless you’re a doctor giving out medical advice, etc.

  290. My husband and I were told while we were engaged that I would not be able to have children due to some hormonal imbalances and that if by chance I did get pregnant I would miscarry every time. I started on BC pills to help with the problems I was having and seriously wondered if my then fiancée would still want to marry me (he is the oldest of 13 and family was very important to him). After telling him the news he replied, “If The Lord doesn’t want us to have children of our own, we will adopt.” I could have married him right there that night at dinner. We got married the following summer (I was 20), and within 5 months got pregnant! I went the next day to a high risk OB for preventative treatments for a miscarriage and The Lord blessed us with a healthy baby girl. About 6 months later we decided to try for another child since we had no trouble having the 1st we assumed it would be easy. We were wrong! After a year of trying and 4 rounds of fertility treatments, I conceived a boy. During the time trying to conceive, people would tell me to be thankful for the one I had, after all, I wasn’t supposed to have any. I believed them and began to question my motives for wanting another child, I felt guilty for praying for a second child and even became angry with God. I felt that I wasn’t being content with the little girl I had, but my heart longed for another child. The fertility treatments were not fun and the disappoinent every month was almost too much to bear. Add the comments from friends and family and I became down right depressed. I finally have it over to The Lord and on the last round of treatments, I conceived our 1st son. 3 years later and 2 more rounds of fertility treatments, we were blessed with another son. I developed a heart problem with the 3rd pregnancy which made the pregnancy quite difficult for me. I had to send my other children to live with grandparents during the last trimester which was not what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t physically take care of them. When my 3rd was 13 months old, I found out I was almost 3 months along with number 4. I cried for 2 days quietly and silently and didnt want to tell anyone. I felt that I would be criticized for my 2 youngest barely being 19 months apart and would get all kinds of critical remarks. When I did get the nerve to tell my husband, to my surprise, he was very excited! I was glad, because I was not. We discussed how/when to tell others since we knew I would be showing fairly quickly. So we told the news this way, “You know how special it is when you ask for something and you get it? And then how even more exciting and special it is when you get a blessing you didn’t expect? Well, God has decided to give us the blessing of another child!” We got congratulations and criticism. Remarks like, you need to stop having babies and be a mom to the kids you have. Your heart may not hold out for another pregnancy. Don’t you know what makes a baby? How do you expect to take care of another child? I don’t know how you plan to continue to work and take care of four kids?
    You see, my husband and I have learned that we can do all the planning we want to to try to have children, but those babies are not going to come until God wants them to and He will send them at just the right time, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. I love my family of 6 and wouldn’t trade any of these blessings for anything in the world (and I tell everyone that)!

  291. Thank you for sharing this post. My husband and I recently went thru some fertility treatments and we were able to get pregnant but had a miscarriage just a few weeks later. It was so heartbreaking and we still don’t understand why God has allowed this in our lives but we are trying to accept it and seek His strength and His peace. I do know that when God blesses us with children we will count them as precious blessings and not forgot the pain of losing the one He chose to take to heaven to be with Him. Thank you for being real and reminding us of His precious promises.

  292. Thanks for this article. I so needed it! I’ve identified some of the components of ‘opposite world’ before but hadn’t linked them all together like this blog did. I wasn’t blessed with a husband till a few days short of my 30th birthday, but God had a purpose in that waiting-on-God time. He started to heal some hurts and help me mature to become the wife my husband needed and likewise for my husband. We’ve unfortunately been trying to have children for 9 years now. If I have the chance to tactfully do so, I suggest to engaged and newly married folks to put ‘kids now’ on the table for at least consideration as no one knows till they start trying if they’ll end up in our situation. We were very blessed 3 years ago with a daughter and have cont. trying since. Sadly, my parents are big into ‘opposite world’ thought and very vocal about their view that I ‘shouldn’t’ have more children. As a result, I do not care to share with them that they have 2 more grandchildren in heaven as a result of 2 recent miscarriages (the first right at 12 weeks). I do not want to hear their negativity and do not feel it’s helpful to anyone. I miss being able to know my younger babies very much, and it has been painful to have this secret.at least from them. Lastly, I truly believe God blesses us with what we need / are able to handle at the time. I can see that in retrospect in our process of trying to have children in the timing and in who my daughter is. And yes, as a mom just into that 4th decade of life, Sarah IS a GREAT reminder!! Thank you so much . . .

  293. I am 24 years old not married and have 4 kids. I had all my children before i excepted Christ in my life . My first one was born 6 days after i graduated high school I was judged the entire time I was pregnant. I was with my three oldest father since we were 12 yrs old. I thought he was the one but we broke up after my third was born. I then got into a relationship that would change my life forever. He was abusive and beat me almost everyday. I found out i was pregnant after 10 months of being with him i was afraid so i left he then stalked me and found me while i was pregnant he tried to kill me and my daughter 3 times. He went to jail and after getting out of the hospital i knew God was calling me so i gave my life to Christ and my life is full filled. Kids and all single and all love them all the same. Judge me if u want but God gave me these kids to raise 4 more worriers of Christ.

  294. I had 4 children just shy of 5 years. I received many comments on slowing down, pacing myself and even had a neighbor tell me that I was done after having two. I mostly laugh it off because it really isn’t their business but when the moment is right, I share that we were prayerful about our family and have no doubt that this is how Heavenly Father wanted our family to be organized. We love our children. Almost every night I sing to my children individually a certain song that my Mom sang to me. It goes like this, “Momma loves Audrey (your child’s name), Momma love Audrey, Father in Heaven has sent you to me. Momma loves Audrey, Momma loves Audrey, Father in Heaven has sent you to me, la la la la la la la la la la.” It has a sweet melody and the simple message sank deep into my heart as a child that I was gift to my parents and of great value and that I came from God. It is my prayer that my children also know deep within themselves that they have a divine nature and are a precious gift to me and my husband.

    P.S. The song my Mom sang to me that I now sing to my children was inspired by this children’s hymn (but she changed the words from a Mother’s perspective): http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/mother-i-love-you?lang=eng

  295. This article hits close to my heart. I am currently pregnant with #3, which will be 3rd born within 5yrs of marriage. People thought I was crazy when we wound up expecting 6 days after our wedding, & really thought we had lost it when I ended up pregnant 6 mos after #1 was born. Both were surprises, & even with the 2nd pregnancy, I got the “You DO know what causes that, right?”, always followed by asking if that was our last one. I have always made it very clear that I wanted 3 or 4 kids, & nothing has been able to make me budge, even after a terrifying incident of meningitis with #2 at 10 days old. Our God healed her, and she seems to never get sick, now! 2 yrs later, I find out I’m expecting that 3rd I’ve always wanted, & the stereotypical questions come much more frequently, & I am more determined than ever to have 4 children, whether biologically or via adoption, should God will it to me. Yes, some days I want to pull my hair out & lock myself in my bedroom, but I am constant reminded by others what loving, kind, polite children I have, & I know motherhood is a big part of what God has called me to do. I was 24 when I birthed my 1st, & sure, I gave up a lot of “good times” with our friends, but my children have made me want to be a better person, & have encouraged me to walk closer with God, so I can be the mother He intended me to be, for their sake.

  296. Great article!! I was so encouraged when I read this and the comments about the gift of motherhood. Before we got married my husband and I weren’t planning on getting pregnant right away, he is in Medical School and I was pursuing finishing my degree and we were 21. However, the Lord had other plans! One month after we got married we felt the Lord directing us to scriptures about children and how they were always a blessing in the Bible and always a gift from the Lord. Needless to say our hearts were changed and we got pregnant that month. We now have the most amazing 10 month son and I am pregnant with our second son due in 3 months. People said and say we are crazy, but the Lord has blessed us with provision, my husband is at the top of his Medical School class and we have never felt more blessed or happy!

  297. Ouch. Truth.
    Ouch because I’ve got a 1 & 3 year old and I’m speaking the negative.

    Thanks for the perspective and wake up call. Can’t wait to rub the next pregnant belly and tell her about the joys instead of the difficult times!

  298. No offense, but I think you should have included other religious groups in this statement. I’m a Christian but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna be any better of a mom than an Atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, etc… the world just needs good moms in general.

  299. I can tell you all night about the half dozen or so couples who have approached me while I was out with my baby (yes you can go OUT with your children you are not all prisoners somewhere to be kept out of public view). The women with near tears in their eyes who tell me how lucky I am, that they tried everything and are unable to conceive. The ones who can’t afford invitro fertilization and the ones it wouldn’t work for, the ones who adoption and surrogacy is too expensive or not an option for. I let them see Logan and say hi, because for them a baby is everything they ever wanted and something they can never have. Then I think of all the ugly doctors who sat me down in their offices and told me my babies life was not worth saving, that my son would have problems and I should board the next plane to a state where 5 month abortions are legal. Because we live in opposite world where children who may have special needs are a burden, an inconvenience, a waste of time for you and the doctors birthing him. Well I have something lovely to say to them.

  300. I got the snide remarks of “you know what causes that, don’t you?” and other remarks on how to not have it happen again with our THIRD child. My mother in law felt that I was having too many children. That TWO was enough. And yeah, as we have three kids, I am more and more aware of the “four makes a family” feeling than ever. And what if that one child had not miscarried so early on between my first and second children? That would have made us have FOUR children. (horrors)….

    I wish I could have had more children. I would have felt abundantly blessed beyond measure to have more than the three that I have right now. But due to health issues that have gone on ALL my life (only recently to be realized to be a problem with gluten – can you imagine that GLUTEN would cause so many health issues!?) I am blessed with the three I have living and can’t have any more. The wonderful thing is that I also not only get to homeschool and raise the three I have but also have an impact on any music students that come my way and also homeschool and care for three days our of the week my best friend’s four kids. SO happy to be able to do that!

    It is horrendous how opposite world can influence and warp so many young people’s minds! It is sad. Children are God’s gift to us, not something to be looked on as burdens and to be had AFTER this… AFTER that…. It is so much the better choice to have those children than to have empty arms.

  301. You know what is beautiful? Adoption. The willingness and desire to cherish children and be a family with those that already need one. All children are precious, and no child should be unwanted. However, that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with choosing a small family or choosing children born by someone else. Nor is there something wrong with not wanting babies right away, or having other things you want to pursue before or along with or even without having kids.

  302. I am currently a day away from being 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am also almost 34 years old (my birthday is the day before my son’s due date). My DH and I have been married for almost 11 years and tried for years to get pregnant. Doctors had told me that it would be extremely difficult for me to get pregnant without medical intervention, due to a couple of different factors, and my husband was unwilling to go through hoops to try to make it happen. Thus, it didn’t look like it ever would. Then, lo and behold I found out that I was–the same day my husband finally found a new job after 4 months of unemployment. Because of one of the factors in my supposed infertility, they didn’t think that my little guy would make it to term and I had to see not just an OB, but also a perinatologist. So far, though, everything has been just fine and at nearly 38 weeks, I have no doubt that this little guy will be coming home with me after a normal stay, despite the fact that I was told at some points to be prepared for a miscarriage or a very early delivery and a long stay in the NICU.

  303. I have five earthly little blessings and I love the fifth as much as the first! I also have two heavenly children as well! I thank God for giving my husband and I children to raise for His glory!

  304. I had a lot of the negativity in a different way. I got married to my husband the month after graduating high school and was pregnant by the following October with boy/girl twins. While I was pregnant and since having them, so many people would comment about me having it made with a boy and a girl at the same time and I shouldn’t want any more. What hurts even more is my grandma’s view on children. She views any more than two to be horrible, like you can’t love all your kids equally and the kids will have a horrible life or something like that. Some people would ask if I want any more and I would say I’m not sure yet or we’ll wait and see. Since then, God made it very clear to me that He’s going to grace us with more children, but it’s on His time table. I had hopes that my children would be closer together, but that’s not in His plan as my twins will be three in June. It’s not been the best situation for more kids right now anyway, so I’m thankful for the wait, but at the same time I want to be preggo again. It’s funny how the desire to be pregnant can be so incredibly strong. It’ll be really quite interesting when I do get preggo again and the reaction I’ll get from my grandparents. I have no idea what it’ll be, but I’m hoping they’ll just love on all of the children God blesses us with.

  305. I, too, had children when I was young. I had my first as a teenager, 17, and refused to give her up for adoption. Her father and I broke up when I was in my first trimester. It was her birth that healed my relationship with the Lord when I was pregnant with my second child. My new husband left when I was eight months pregnant with that second baby, a boy.

    I went to school because I didn’t know what else to do. I had to provide for the kids, but my heart was to stay at home with them, but when my daughter’s father returned, my teenage sweetheart, my life changed again. We married, and I stayed home to have baby three and baby four.

    We were broke, but the Lord always provides. He also has used others to bless us. For us, that timing was perfect. I had my first when I was 17, but I had baby No. 4 at 27. By 28, I had thyroid cancer. (Thyroid replacement drugs make nursing impossible because of possible damage to baby’s thyroid.)

    I stayed home with those four kids and wrote. By the time the youngest was in fourth grade, I returned to school. It was time.

    My point is that I have stayed at home raising kids for 15 years. But now I’ve completed my education and am ready to have a career! My kids are almost grown, my husband and I have been married for 18 years, and I will have a Bachelor’s of Arts in journalism and visual communication design in June. (My oldest will graduate with me! She’s getting a degree in education.)

    We, as women, can have it all, but we don’t need it all at once. The ‘right answer’ for career vs. family is a very personal one and must be answered by each woman individually. No one can prescribe it for you. It must be a decision made by the couple. (Yes, consider your husbands.) Then, dedicate your way to the Lord. He will make your path straight.

  306. I am a very young mom and have had many comments with my first who is now 2.5. I knew he was a blessing so I chose to ignore the negative comments and trust God for provision and look at my son as a heritage from the Lord as he is. I am thankful that I had him young because I have more of my life and more good health to enjoy extra years with him, Lord willing. Since shortly after he was born, we started trying for another and found out a few months ago that I have a form of pcos so I was put on meds. People wondered and questioned why I would go through so much to have another so I didn’t tell many until I realized it was a good idea to share and display God’s provision for our family as I found out three months ago we have another on the way. We are so blessed! I am still young so I get the glares and negativity when we go out, but nothing can bring me down because I am so elated. My husband is leaving soon and will be gone the remainder of my pregnancy and then some so we have comments on that too saying what horrible timing, why am I going through this? Sure, it will be very difficult but this is God’s timing and His way is perfect and he will help us through. The negativity is not helpful but often hurtful.
    Another thing that I have noticed trending among my expectant friends and acquaintences is their own negativity throughout their pregnancies and as someone who suffered through infertility for years, their negativity was hurtful. They would complain about pain or sickness or having to wait 9 months. Why, I would take all the pain and sickness and discomfort and minutes and inconveniences in the world for another baby! God has blessed me with little sickness, but I am not all hunky dory I simply choose not to complain about what sacrifices come with God’s blessing and realize it is only for a short time I will have to deal with these things for a lifetime with a most precious little gift.

    1. Oh, also we get the number of kids “you must be crazy” or “you will regret it” comments when we share our desire is to have 5 kids at least if the Lord allows and I would absolutely love to have twins for a double blessing in one shot 🙂

  307. I really love this article. I completely agree with everything that is said in it. But it’s not helping me right now… See, I’m a senior in high school, and I need to start thinking about what to do for college and some sort of career, but… when I think about what I would want to do or be, there is nothing that I feel more strongly about than being a godly wife and mother. If I could have it my way, I would live in the era where I could simply get married to a godly Christian man, stay home, and take care of the house and our many children. I would absolutely love that! Even when I was little in Sunday school, I dreamed about being a mom one day (I used to pray that God would give me and my husband kids because I thought it worked the same way as it did for Mary 🙂 ). The problem is, it seems nearly impossible to live without getting some degree and earning money in some career. So with that, I would want to work and save up money until I started having kids, but then I don’t want to wait long at all, and I’m afraid that if I were to stop working so soon it would put too much strain on my husband. But then, I wouldn’t want to work because then I would have to leave my kids and I want to invest as much time as I can into their lives… It’s so complicated. Maybe I’m going about this wrong… After all, I am only 17-years-old. I would love to hear from some of you though, because I know you must have a lot of wisdom from your years and experience. I know that I need to trust God more in all of this… but it has been tough lately, so prayer would be nice as well 🙂

    1. It IS confusing for women to know what to pursue! I think it’s great that getting married is a desire of your heart, but remember to hold that desire with an open hand. When I was in high school I thought of singleness as a life I would never want to lead, despite the fact that the Bible talks of it as a blessing. I’d recommend Elisabeth Elliot’s “Let me be a Woman” as it is seriously inspiring on the topic.

      The truth of the matter is, as a single woman, you have the ability to impact the world in ways that married women don’t. Your gift of singleness probably won’t last forever (only God knows!) so appreciate it for now! It may not feel like a gift at 17, I know, but God’s word is clear that both getting married and singleness are equally valid, fulfilling, and glorifying to him.

  308. I know as a single man my opinion on this subject is very much disliked in ‘opposite world’ but I must say that your words inspire me. I have long believed that the ultimate sacrifice a woman gives in this life is to become a mother. And in so doing she attains her highest glory in this life. Well said and well done, ye women of the promise. March on, preach on and be joyful in the Lord.

  309. I think this blog post is a sweet sound to God. I wonder if a good portion Christian women take on the “opposite world” mentality in part because the average age of marriage is getting later in life. Of course if you marry later in life, you have children later in life. The mindset, though, might be something more Christian women are embracing in an effort to cope with the longing grief like the type Hannah had. I realize that a married woman unable to conceive is different from a single woman longing for a husband and to conceive, but I do believe the grief comes from the same deep place in a woman’s heart for being a mother. It is how God beautifully made us. A sadness rose in me as I read this article. I think I would actually be a great mother. I cover that deep pain by telling myself that as a lawyer I have a great career that I am building; and in trying to look on the bright side, I end up telling myself exactly the “opposite world” mentality description you post above. I try to believe I am getting a good deal in life by having a career first. Really I would take having a child any day.

  310. I have three children under the age of 5. My two little ones are “Irish twins” born only 10 months apart, in the same calendar year. I get so many looks and snide remarks as I take my children out to do normal activities like grocery shopping.

    At first they were very hurtful “I hope you are done” “you had better try some better birth control next time” “Make B___ sleep on the couch for heaven’s sake” Then I was just angry: “Who are you to tell me how many kids I can handle or how many God wants to send to my family, and when?” “Who are you to judge me when my three kids are sitting quietly in the cart and your one is throwing a tantrum in line? Then… I realized people are people. Some give comments because they feel guilty (cant have more kids but want to, cant control the ones they have, worried about the planet, etc) or because they are having a hard day and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, etc. Now my kids are (almost) 5, 27mo and 17mo and when people make comments I try to reply with something like “I may be busy but I am happy”

    Motherhood is what you make of it- a good attitude goes along way. Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever done and some days I want to rip out my hair, but God in his wisdom commands quiet time to regroup and gain His perspective; I treasure that time. Whether I have 3 or 13 (not my plan lol) that descion solely between you, your spouse and the Lord- that’s it- no peanut gallery invited 🙂

    Children are a blessing in every way the come into your life- biological, adopted, relatives, community, teaching, etc. Everyone can love a child and make them feel special and help them develop a relationship with God.

    OK. I’m done 🙂

  311. As I read this #5 is asleep on my lap! I have encountered this negativity since I was pregnant with my twins( my first pregnancy). We happened to live in Maryland at the time , where the average age of the first time mom was 35 to 40. Imagine the shock when I told people I was 22 and pregnant with twins! Then finding out it was boy/ girl twins, I got well you’re all set now that you’ve got one of each! My twins are now 10 the youngest 10 months. We get stared at pretty much evert time we go out in public altogether. I try to remind my children that we will draw more attention to ourselves, because we are not the world’s norm. For family size. Thus I tell them that we represent Jesus. ” to let our light shine before men that they may see our good deeds and glorify our Father in heaven”. We are a witness every time we step foot outside! I used to be upset by the staring and disapproving looks I would often get but now I hold my head high. I am thankful that God has blessed me with 5 children. It is the hardest most rewarding job I’ve ever had or ever will have!

  312. Thank you for the encouraging read!! I have 2 children so far and I prayerfully hope for many more! I often feel a lack of agreement among even Christian friends…those who complain about school break coming because then they will have their kids all day! While I definitely relate and struggle with the constant physical attention little ones require, this view of children as huge burdens breaks my heart. So thank you for the encouragement to renew my mind in the TRUTH of what GOD says about children!!

    Also, I read a comment above about birth control and I just have to share because this burdens my heart and maybe someone who doesn’t know this information will read this! If you are using birth control, please be aware and prayerfully consider continuing as it can cause a fertilized egg (in my belief, a BABY) to not be able to implant. I fear there are many women unknowingly losing babies because of birth control.

    xoxo and joyful mommying!

    1. While there is a risk of losing fertilized eggs while on birth control, that risk is actually greater when a woman is not on bc- our bodies naturally discard fertilized eggs as well. Most doctors wouldn’t consider bc a causal factor as it actually reduces the chance of discarding a fertilized egg 🙂

      1. Yes but when a a fertilized egg is naturally discarded, it would be natural law/God’s Will.
        When it’s discarded because of the birth control, then it’s someone else playing God.

  313. While this is a great reminder that children ARE a blessing, I’d also like to plead for sensitivity. When women are excitedly posting baby bump pictures on facebook and talking about their pregnancy, they sometimes seem to forget that there are those in their midst who have struggled with infertility or lost babies. By all means, BE excited! Pregnancy is an exciting thing! But remember that there are women who would give anything to be in your shoes, and be prudent with your words and posts.

  314. So… Judging those who think 3, 4, or 5 kids is too many is different than judging those who are expecting? How so? Did God not create this Earth, which is depleted of resources? Did God not create time, the 24 hour day, in which only so much can be done? Many acts of the heart, prayed upon and well-thought, are blessed by God. That includes seeing the world before kids. That includes working on establishing a career before kids. As many women who would say “I’d wish I’d waited longer ” would say “I wish I’d started sooner.” The point is not that child bearing is a righteous path. The point is to follow God’s plan for your life. Even if that means “only 2 kids.” Even if that means “we want to travel first.” Even if that means “we’re going to adopt.” Judging those who judge you is no answer at all. And in my opinion, it’s not God’s way.

    1. I don’t believe there was any judgement. I see that Courtney shared clear scripture on children being a blessing. How is allowing God to give you what HE calls a blessing, going to harm the world HE created? God is sovereign, and He is never going to give children as a way of HARMING anything. God’s plan is never going to be contrary to His Word. If His word says children are a blessing, then they are.

      1. Thanks for the reply. My comment doesn’t say anything about harm. It’s saying – God is in control of it ALL, not just child-bearing. I agree that children are a blessing. Of course God knows how many children (read: people) the world can handle. Of course he knows how many “blessings” are right for each family. But, God’s plan is not the same for every woman. That was my point 🙂

  315. I have been thinking about this so much lately!! I have been married for exactly one month. I’m 22 and my husband is turning 32 next week. I don’t want to wait too long to have kids because by the time we finish having as many as we want (we’d like 4), he’ll be quite a lot older and we’d like to still have time left to enjoy them 🙂 I cannot BELIEVE the negative comments I’ve received when I broach the subject with friends. I went home to my husband in tears one day after being told that I clearly hadn’t thought through birth control enough and that if I didn’t “watch out” I’d have a kid and “ruin my life”. Apparently children make life hard and miserable and you can’t do anything anymore or go away with your husband or go shopping or have any fun, basically. I was absolutely shocked because this couple have been married for 4 years and have the most darling 8 month old girl who they love with all their hearts. I do not understand why you would say that sort of thing to a young wife. Certainly takes the bloom off the rose. And yet I have other friends who conceived just after their honeymoon. They now have a gorgeous one year old girl, couldn’t imagine life without her and say she hasn’t slowed them down at all. They regularly go away for romantic stay-in-the-city weekends in nice hotels–they just take the baby with them! Women have become so self-centered they’ve forgotten what they were created for in the first place. I can’t wait to have babies and love them.

  316. I am teaching my boys, age 3 and nearly 2, Psalm 127:3 “Children are a gift from the Lord.” I hope to teach their brother, expected in 3 months, the same verse. Perhaps the Word of God out the mouths of babes, as Mama grins behind them, is more powerful than my spluttering, offended replies to negativity. I am the WORST at witty comebacks, especially when I feel that someone has insulted my children and their value to THEIR faces. Sometimes we leave a supermarket with Mommy bending over the stroller saying, “Boys, you are my treasures. You are gifts from the Lord and nothing anyone says will ever change that.” If my actions toward them at home communicate love and their inherent value from God, then nothing anyone says can convince them otherwise. May God give me and all other Mamas, no matter how many children we have – 1 or 11 – the grace to be his servants to our kids…and to those who misunderstand God’s gifts.

  317. I get looks all the time. Between my husband and I, we have 5 children. I have two from my first marriage, he has one from a previous relationship, and we have two together. When our first child was almost 14 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I found out at 8 weeks that they thought it was ectopic, and I had emergency surgery. I had my left tube removed. As it turned out, it was just a cyst, and I was still pregnant. Unfortunately, I miscarried about a week and a half later. My ex-husband made a nasty remark to me shortly afterward. He told me that he was “sorry about my loss but maybe it was for the best”. I had to hang up on him. I personally didn’t talk to him for three or four months, but my kids talked to him every time he called. I found out about two months later that I was expecting again.

    My husband’s family all kept telling me that I should get my tubes tied and asking if I knew what caused it and other remarks like that. What hurt the most about those comments was that the woman saying it had 4 or 5 kids of her own that she didn’t take care of. She farmed them out to other people to raise because she didn’t want to do it herself. (All her kids are older now and out of school.)

    I get stressed out, but I wouldn’t trade any of my kids for anything. They are my life, and I can’t imagine my life without them. I have told people that I have really only had one major goal since I was 2 or 3, and that was to grow up, get married, and have a family.

  318. Oh Courtney. Your ache and honesty touched my heart deeply. It was amplified by my hormones, as I am expecting my 8th. I have had SO many comments about being “mad” or “crazy” – do I know what causes it (yes, and we rather enjoy it, thanks….) do we not have a TV? (no, we don’t but that’s irrelevant) when are we going to “stop”? (dieting, well, I could do with shedding a few more pounds, but I gather you were not talking about pregnancies, because my s*x life is NONE of your business). Why do people trust God to give them the right job/house/Church, but don’t trust Him to give them the perfect number of children?!? Sad, but I am blessed. Interestingly, I get most negative comments from other Christians – unbelievers are a lot more accepting, and respectful.

    may God bless you richly, and your PRECIOUS family, as you continue to encourage us in our Christian walk, and remind us that we are honouring God. Hugs to you.

  319. I have three boys and mostly I hear negative things about the fact that I have no girls. I live my boys! They are wonderful and God knew what he was doing by blessing my husband and I with them. Also, my MIL makes random comments that “3 is a good number”. Well, if God gives us more than great!

  320. Yes! thank you so much for saying this! My husband and I got married and a few months later found out we were pregnant. Even though we weren’t trying just yet we were ecstatic when we found out. It ended in a miscarriage and we had people who would say to our face “well its for the best anyways, now you will be more careful to not get pregnant right away.” Rather then having people grieve with us for our loss I felt like I was being looked down on for not doing a “good job with birth control”… Getting pregnant only increased our desire to have kids, now 6 months later we are talking about starting to try for kids. I’m very afraid of what people will say if we get pregnant though, and all the negativity we may get if they find out we actually are wanting to try for kids… Every time I tell a mom I can’t wait to have kids, it seems that I get horror stories and a list of reasons of what it is smart for me to wait. Even from believers, which is sad to me, Psalms and Proverbs are full of the joys of children and how they are a blessing and heritage, crafted uniquely by God. Thanks for this article! It was a huge encouragement. God Bless.

  321. I love this. I have 4 children (2 are on the autism spectrum). My husband and I have considered having another child and have received “opposite world” talk. In truth I’ve been receiving it since I was pregnant with my first at 20. I get nasty looks and told that my kids ( the autistic ones) shouldn’t be in public (I thought looking young was a blessing before I had kids, now people think I’m a really irresponsible teen mom). I’m asked why I would risk having another child that could be on the spectrum. I love my kids, all of them and I love being a mom. I didn’t go to college and we don’t have the best of everything but I wouldn’t change my life for anything! Thanks for writing this, for all us moms who constantly hear from “opposite world”

  322. I received negativity about the closeness in age (there are fewer than three years between my firstborn and my third). I received (and continue to receive) a LOT of negativity about the fact that they’re all boys (amazing boys, I’d add).

    I waited, though. I was nearly 30 when I had my first. I was not ready to be a wife or a mother early in my 20s. That doesn’t mean I was selfish for waiting. Indeed, I *was not ready* before then and would not have made a good wife or a good mother had I married at 18 or 22 or even 24.

    My takeaway from this blog (and similar musings) is that it’s really best for people to stay out of other people’s very personal, very private business. It’s not ok to threaten a newly pregnant woman with stories of doom and gloom, and it’s not ok to ask a young couple when they’re going to start trying. Having children is an intensely personal choice that truly involves no other person but the potential parents.

  323. Ol’ Timer chiming in here. My husband and I have been married for 31 years (I was a very young bride, 20), and have been blessed with 12 children here on earth and 1 in heaven (miscarried at 10 weeks). They are now 30, 29, 27, 25, 23, 21, 18, 16, 13,
    (our little mis, who we named JoseMaria, for Joseph and Mary, since we don’t know if the baby was a boy or girl), and then the blessings in my forties: 9, 7, and 4. (and ps, a houseful of little kids was easier than raising 20-somethings!) A friend taught me years ago to say “have been blessed with x# of children”, because it instantly tells your listener that God is the author of your family. Although I occasionally hear negative comments, mostly people say “Wow! Have you heard of the Duggars?”, and I laugh because we are NO WHERE near as put-together and organized as they are! My son-in-law says it best: “they could make a reality tv show out of us, but they’d need 400 hours of footage to make a cohesive 1/2 hour!” LOL! My youngest was born when I was 46, and at the same time my oldest was 26 and expecting her first. Sharing the pregnancies that year was the biggest blessing of my life! Yes, its a crazy life, full of laundry and dishes and bills and sibling squabbles (I have ELEVEN girls and a boy… so its always someone’s time of the month!)… but also full of love, laughter, and joy. I wouldn’t dream of having it any other way. Two of our girls are married, and now we are blessed with 4 grandchildren so far. For those of you who are struggling with infertility, look into NaPro technology (http://www.inhisimagefamilymedicine.com/naprotechnology/what_is.html), which “helps couples to treat reproductive disorders in a way which respects their fertility and the sacrament of marriage.” God bless all you Moms and your openness to LIFE!

  324. I’m a young mom and wife… my one year old was unexpected, we conceived after 3 months of being married. Now I’m pregnant with my second one, and this one we were trying for! Being 21 and with my second one on the way, I hear all sorts of comments…everything from how my body is gonna look when I’m 25 to “This is the 21st century! Are you trying to bring us all back to the 50’s?”. No, I’m not. In the 21st century women have many opportunities and choices, and mine is being a young mom and there’s not a thing wrong with that. Reading this lifted me up! I’m sharing it with all my mom friends (the young ones and the one that’s expecting her 5th child 🙂 ) Thank you so much! We’re all truly blessed through you!

  325. This article makes me sad. I’m not sure where the author is from, but this is not the experience if you live in the Midwest. You are the outcast and exception to the rule if you don’t want to have kids. I think that the point that this article was trying to make (but got away from very quickly) is that everyone needs to stop judging and try to be open to the perspectives of people who believe differently than you do. If you don’t want children, don’t judge the 23 year old mom who has 3 kids already. If you want a big family, don’t judge people who have decided that they want to either wait, cannot conceive or don’t want to have children at all for ANY reason. I think it is clear that there are a lot of people in the world who should not have children, as evidenced by the number of children in foster and group homes or who grow up with parents who do not spend time with them or show them affection. Motherhood is not for everyone. I think the most hurtful and false statement of this article is that women who don’t want children are selfish and see children as a burden, cutting into their “spa days”. There are many amazing women of God throughout history that He has used to further his Kingdom’s purpose who never had children. The same statement can be made about stay at home moms and working moms. I urge everyone reading this article to walk away and ask themselves, how do I judge and what are my misconceptions about motherhood? And then stop judging. Don’t let your views either way make you think you are better than or have a higher calling than the people on the opposite side of the coin.

    1. You make a very good point and I regret the way the paragraph about the spa days reads. In that paragraph I refer to those in Hollywood who live these sorts of lives…and I feel that they have had a huge impact on our generation and the one coming after us. I should have said that the message coming out of Hollywood to us is to “live it up” in the young years. I remember Taylor Swift saying she wanted to have children in her 20’s and the news media mocking her. I also saw an interview of Justin Beiber by Oprah this year where he said he’d like to be married in his mid 20’s and Oprah right there in the interview advised him not to do that and limit himself. Then he said something like – well since you are Oprah – the queen of giving good advice – I will truly consider your thoughts on that.

      It’s a prevailing message that comes into all of our homes through our televisions and we don’t always recognize the influence on our thinking…and the swing of our culture. And it can…lead to selfish living.

      As I said in the post – I bought it – so I am not here to judge…

      The ultimate point of this post was to encourage us all to see children as God sees them, not as the world sees them. They are not an inconvenience or the end of all our fun. They are desirable, blessings, joys, and gifts. And they are a lot of work but they are worthy of us laying our lives down for them.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts here in a graceful way.
      Lots of Love,
      Courtney

    2. Wonderful comment, Megan. And lovely reply from the author. It’s a great discourse and something to really think about. No matter what your family looks like!

  326. I have heard every thing from nuts to crazy. You home school?? why??? Because I love my kids and I am the most qualified teacher they can have. What I hate the most and it even comes from my father is that I need a job. People can not comprehend that you would trust God to provide. Worse than that you could be content with the basics and not have all the “luxuries” in life. And when you tell them you can your own food they really think your nuts.
    God Bless all of the mothers out there just starting their families trust God and PRAY. My baby is 17 and time has gone by so fast.

  327. Oh, I so agree with Megan. That really should be what we take away from this article. I was scrolling down through the amazing amount of responses and just stopping here and there and hers was the only one I resonated with. I agree that children are an amazing blessing and I have 5, one in heaven, but I started after my degree was complete (and then didn’t get pregnant for a couple years after that, having my first baby at 26 years old. I feel that I obeyed God’s calling on my life and developed the gifts he has given me, and expects me to use in the kingdom and for his glory. That training now allows me to stay home and homeschool my wonderful blessings, because I can work in the evenings using what I studied all those years. We each have the path the Lord leads us on and as long as we are walking with him and submitting ourselves to his will, we will be blessed and be able some day to hear him tell us ‘well done’.

  328. My children are all grown up now but all four (the fifth was miscarried and is in heaven waiting…) were born in 5 years. I was always prepared for the negative comments and usually responded with positivity and a smile. I never let them ‘get away’ with snarky remarks however and always had a come back remark to make them think. Unfortunately we live in a world that seeks comfort first and any self-denial and generosity are foreign terms. The contraceptive mentality has pervaded our culture and we have to be counter-cultural in our pursuit to help others see the value of larger families. Isn’t it true that those homes filled with kids are usually the happiest?!

  329. I’m an atheist mother of two (twin 1 year olds), and I think this all comes down to people staying out of each other’s business. The ONLY response to someone who is having a baby should be “congratulations!” Some women don’t want to have children and probably shouldn’t. Others want to have 10. It’s really no one else’s business. My friend who has 1 child and does not want anymore gets attitude from other mother’s all the time about how she “should” have more. Having a child is a deeply personal decision, and no one else has any right to be involved. Also, I do think it’s strange how Christians are often so convinced that society is out to challenge their beliefs when you are in the overwhelming majority (at least in the western world). Those of us who are actually in the minority find it incredibly strange.

    1. Not sure if I’ve seen any guys comments on here, so sorry ladies! Reannon, congratulations on your wonderful children, they are such a blessing. I’m sorry to hear that you feel to be an atheist. The great news is, that God deosn’t believe in atheists so there’s hope! Please read this for me and it will explain why He doesn’t believe in the atheist; it’s called The Atheist Test: http://www.livingwaters.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=8&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=88&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=199&lang=en
      Sorry for the long link but this is the only place that I could find the original version.
      (Father of 3 on earth, and my wonderful wife has led me to this link and through it, as was her hopes, it has helped me to become less fearful of having another). Thanks ladies, and now I’ll butt-out.

      1. Oh my. I’m sorry to hear that you’re irrational and believe a supernatural being in another dimension of time/space controls your life. Honestly, let’s all stop feeling sorry for each other. You’re happy doing your thing; I’m happy doing mine. I was a Christian for the first 18 years of my life until I realized it didn’t make one lick of sense. It’s not that I don’t believe in your omnipotent being from another dimension of time/space. I don’t believe in Thor, Zeus, Krishna, Mohammed, Kali, or any of the other gods either. The Atheist Test you’ve linked to is really just too silly for a response. For everyone on this thread having lots of babies, please teach them about science. Our world would be so much better off if people were scientifically literate.

        1. Oops. Reannon I sure didn’t intend to insult you. I am sorry; I hope you will accept my apologies.

          Courtney, my apologies to you as well for distracting from your post. Your post is a great thing; I’m sure that it brings comfort to many mothers. Thank you.

      2. Seriously Dennis? The banana is the atheist’s nightmare? Thanks for the laugh.

        On the other hand, you’re making Christians look bad, please stop it.

        Protip: you don’t convince people of things by insulting their intelligence.

  330. Your posting came up a couple of times on my Facebook wall, so I came over to read what everyone was talking about. And WOW! what an inspiration! I was so inspired I blogged my response with a link back. What a blessing to my heart your post was to me this morning. Thank you!

  331. I loved your article… would love to put it on my website. May I? We wanted children so much and so our family started early. We had 6 in 10 1/2 years. And I loved every minute of it! What a joy they were. I’m nearly 79 and I’d do it all over again. I promised God if He would give us a family I would do my best to raise them for Him… and He did and I did to the best of my ability. All 6 accepted Jesus early in life. Five of the 6 walk with God now but the 6th decided to go his own way after about 20 years. I will never understand why but God will bring him back again. Thanks for a well written article with loads of truth.

  332. I fit into the category of having my children “too early”, and several think it is bizarre that I have “3”. The thing I never got, it was like they thought I should be ashamed. I was never ashamed though. The twins I had at 22. My youngest I had 25. I feel blessed. Not only did I have them young, but I also still have the energy to keep up with them. 🙂

  333. This is so timely after a conversation I had with my Husband last night. We were discussing why satan hates children and families so much. He hates Christian families especially, because he knows there is a good probability that strong, grounded and well trained Christians will come from those families. That is why the Lord wants us to be fruitful and multiply. That is why satan has us believing that babies aren’t babies until you can see and hold them. Even then people are still choosing to kill them. If he can kill off the future generations before they happen that’s one less probability of a Christian he’ll have to deal with. The Lord loves life because He is life. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy because he is death.
    My husband and I met when we were 24 and 25 respectively, and we both had waited for the one the Lord had for us. We met in February of 2011, he purpose in May 2011 and were married Oct 2011. 🙂 I married my best friend 🙂 All through the wait I knew I had a God given desire to be a wife and mother. Yes, I believe He has also called me to do other things but without being a wife and a mother I truly believe there would always be a void there. My husband and I have left the whole when we get pregnant thing in God’s hands but we are hoping that it will happen soon 🙂 I know they will be adorable, and I know they will grow up 🙁 but I also know we will get great enjoyment out of not only watching them grow up but being active in the shaping and maturing of those sweet spirits.
    Thanks for this article Courtney, it was great!

  334. We get lots of comments especially living in a big city (London). We have four boys (7,5,3,1) and expecting a 5th in 5 months. I think I’ve heard just about everything at this point. The most common right now is “Trying for that girl, huh?” Sometimes I go for a witty comment, but I know my boys are usually listening too and I want them to know why we have more children…that we really believe God’s word when it says they are a blessing and we are thankful each of our boys. I usually kindly respond with, “We are happy with boys or girls! We are just really excited to have another child. They are such a joy and blessing and we love them!” It usually doesn’t stop the jaw drop, but I think it’s more important that my children are hearing truth. Maybe it will plant a seed in someone I’m talking to as well and open the door to ultimately share the gospel with them!

  335. I am guilty of doing those things. I had some bad experiences with pregnancy. I am also guilty of saying the positive, as there was so much good and I really did and do feel that children are such a blessing from God! My husband and I lost 9 babies. It was SO difficult, but we trusted God.

    We have 5 healthy children. I got really tired of hearing “you’re pregnant AGAIN?” “There must be something in the water.” “Boy, you and your husband are always ‘busy’.” “I don’t remember giving my permission for you to have more kids.” “Don’t you think it’s time to stop?”

    I have never said such things to people. I also wish I hadn’t listened to many of them. But I have been guilty of the horror stories of pregnancy. There are absolutely things about pregnancy that are not fun. Sharing that with someone is not exactly horrible. I was never out to scare anyone. I was asked and I shared. I had some labors and deliveries that I would do over and over, too. I shared those as well. But no matter how hard or easy the deliveries were, it was all worth doing for such beautiful blessings!

  336. I also want to say, I didn’t pursue any career. I pursued what was on my heart as a child – being a mother. I had 2 children in my early twenties. I had one in my mid thirties. I had one at almost 39, and one at almost 42. God is good!

  337. I was married at 19 and had three babies by the time I was 26. I have stayed home with them and homeschooled them and now they are teenagers. One thing I have noticed about mothers who have several children though, that is not addressed in most blogs on the topic, is how little control they have over their children in public (or at home). Perhaps they would receive more kind comments if the kids were well-behaved and the mom wasn’t screaming and worn down to a frazzle every time you see them. I must say, I’m not envious of the ones in my family or church who have large families.They seem so eager to put them off on grandma or an older sibiling, or “take a break” from parenting anytime there are other adults or older children around.

  338. Haven’t any of you heard about the world’s over population problem? I have nothing negative about having children but you should be responsible about the number you have no matter how many you WANT. It’s greedy and harmful to the planet, which we ALL need. The planet cannot sustain the number of people on earth now, much less more and all those children you keep having WILL suffer because of irresponsibility of those who have too many children. I WANT more (I only have 1) but I know it’s not in the best interest for anyone to have more. Don’t confuse WANT with NEED. I know many will take this defensively and that’s not my intentions. And don’t even bring up that it’s what God intends, to procreate repeatedly, that’s a lame excuse for not being able to control your wants.

    1. First, adoption is always an option. Many kids need mamas, and if you want more, do it!!

      Second, overpopulation is a complete myth. Yes, the earth cannot sustain a zillion more Americans who typically are wasteful, consumers (with no effort at producing anything), irresponsible with their technology replacement… But it would be quite a simple matter to feed everyone well in the whole world using smart farming, reusing, recycling (the waste between cloth & disposable diapers is staggering, or home-made no-packaged baby food & breastmilk v packaged pre made food & artificial formula, for ex).

      But for decades now scientists have cried woe and horror and so far humans have been able to creatively find ways to survive just fine. Of we have to go to the moon or Mars, we’ll do it! And it will be ok.

  339. Wow, what a great article! Hubby and I have been blessed with 4 little miracles under 5 🙂 Our first pregnancy was ectopic, and after 3 years of trying for another we had almost given up, and then the Lord blessed us with our first little boy… our next pregnancy was, to our shock and joy, a set of twin boys who have kept us on our toes since they arrived 🙂 Finally, we had our baby girl this last pregnancy and what a sweet little bit of heaven she has been! So that being said, when we go out as a family with the twins in their double stroller, Emma, in her carseat and stroller set and our 4 year old tagging along beside, we get it ALL! Stares, comments, snickers, smiles, rudeness and those dear sweet people who give us encouragement 🙂 I get tongue tied as well when the “You have your hands full” comment gets launched, so this comeback is going to get some use *grin* :))

  340. I am days from birthing my 5th child. This post declares everything that is in my heart. I am more saddened that it is the church that lives in opposite world. I expect the remarks from the world but from the church, well it hurts my heart to see the Lord’s people so overtaken by wordly culture. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had a leader in my church ask me how how could be having another because I couldn’t afford to send two kids to college. Thank you for voicing what is in my heart. I do shout it from the roof tops. I LOVE being a mom, a homeschooler, a loving wife, and a follower of Christ. Motherhood is my calling my full time ministry and when they are all raised I will have lots of ‘me’ time. Thank you so much for standing for TRUTH.

  341. Love this article. My husband and I married at 18 and 19, accidentally got pregnant weeks later, and delivered prematurely 5 days before our 9 month anniversary. We have 5 children now all between 20-30 months apart. I’m so thankful for each of them. We’ve heard every negative comment in the book,
    “Don’t you know what causes that?”
    “Don’t you guys have a TV?”
    “Girl you’ve got your HANDS full!”
    “This is your last one though right?”

    I try to smile and say that we are letting God decide how many children we’re going to have. It is definitely counter cultural and I’m ok with that.

    Thank you for your writing ministry!

  342. I, too, LOVE my children and consider them to be some of my biggest blessings. We want many and love the two we have! However, I don’t think that mindset is antithetical to using methods of birth control to space them. A lot of research shows that 3 years between each child is physically ideal, allowing for extended breast feeding and for Mama’s body to restock fat-soluble vitamins. In many traditional cultures the taboo was not to have too many children or too few, but to have them too close together. Having many friends who like us prize children, we have several who have gone the three-in-three-years route (while young and healthy with no reason to hurry), and many of them now find their health broken, their capacity for more children non-existant, and their ability to parent well severely compromised. Others are fine. I’m not saying one way is better or more “righteous” than another, but I would just like to point our that it is TOTALLY possible to be intentional about spacing your children BECAUSE you treasure them and want them to be as healthy & well-parented as possible!

    It’s ok to say “I love babies & they are the biggest gifts of all” and to say “and so I want to wait ___ years to have another for the sake of the health of our entire family. Same with choosing to stop conceiving– it doesn’t have to be selfish or sinfully motivated, but can be a joyful, thankful, faith-filled choice. Not everyone is in the position to parent 10 children well!

  343. So true.

    AND…. this goes for adoption, too. At least for us.

    We’ve adopted 4 of our 6 children through foster care. When I hear “Are you done (fostering/adopting) yet?!” I say “probably not!” The looks…. the eyebrows…. the laughter. “You’re crazy!”

    If crazy is now defined as obeying God’s will, then yes – I am super crazy!
    🙂

  344. I grin when I’m told I have my hands full (I also care for a one year old lil guy besides my 3 year and 10 month old). I say “I do! Full of blessings!” or “Yes! And I couldn’t be more thankful!” Usually the infectious grin on my face is enough to stop any negativity!

    I also love to tell parents whose kids are not behaving at their, um, best, that “your daughter is precious.” Instead of the eye-rolling, groans or snide “my kids never did that.”

  345. This is a Blog that is so near and dear to my heart! My first pregnancy was at 28. I had my twins 2 days before my 29th birthday. They are the most amazing blessings I could have ever asked for. I heard such negativity from friends, from ER doctors. etc. They were blessings to me from the get go! I was told from 14 on that I would never have kids from numerous doctors! My husband and I were surprised by being pregnant, and confirmed with twins at the first ultrasound, I had a rough pregnancy, then it was oh you wont handle it. you cant do it, twins is twice the heart ache and too much of a hand full, I still hear comments to this day and they are two! Then we became pregnant again! my 3rd son was born a lil over 2 months before they turned two! And again all the rude comments, and why would you bring children into a world like it is. People could not understand my excitement, my joy. Another tough pregnancy which made me stop having kids. but My hands might be full, but its NOT with what those people think, its with love and laughter and joy!! not a single sorrow in my heart for having my beautiful boys! God’s gifts to me are what they are. Something that he is entrusting me with to raise in a Godly manner and to teach to praise him in all that they do! I cant stand people being a downer about babies or kids or pregnancies!!! My kids are my world! I stay home to take care of them and I would never trade it for anything, not one moment!! and honestly i feel guilty when i cant do all that needs to be done, or cant be in all places that i feel i should be in when it comes to them! They are my calling that the Lord God Almighty gave me!

  346. I enjoyed your article and it has given me pause and moved me to look more closely at how I interact with my children. However, after reading some of the comments, I want to share that your life can be full and blessed by just one child or even 2. My husband and I feel very blessed and a have a full life with 2 children. We constantly get negative remarks about not having more. I love my son and daughter and if God blessed us with more, I would love them too. However, I do not wish to have more children. Please do not give women like me a sad look and say things like “but children are a blessing from the Lord” and “your quiver should be full.” My quiver is full and my children are a blessing. Their smiles, giggles, hugs, kisses, messy handprints, snuggles, and conversation are the brightest moment of my day. Please don’t ruin that by telling me I don’t have enough blessings. Only God knows how many I should have.

    1. Love your comment Jenn! I think this all ties back to knowing that our value (and our kids’ value) is 100% in Christ and His love for us. I am 32, have 1 baby, and can’t wait to get pregnant with another. For whatever reason, God has me working full-time which is so tough, but I work at it as if I’m working for him, and try to make the most of the time with my daughter while I’m with her. Most of the negative comments I receive is actually from Christian circles and moms. (Judgement/pity for being a full-time working mother, criticism that my daughter stays up later than most, criticism that my husband isn’t fully supporting our family, the “you’re no spring chicken – if you want more babies, you better get started!” comments, oh my!!!) It’s SOOOO hard for me to cancel out negative comments when I hear them, but with daily prayer, He will heal those small wounds. I know He is leading me beside still waters, and He has the best in mind more me. We don’t earn more value by having 0, 2, or 10 kids. We love our children, but pointing them back to Christ’s perfect love should be our #1 goal. My constant prayer is that I show point my daughter toward God’s perfect love. I WILL fail her, and I fear that she may wish I was younger one day, or she may wish she had more siblings like her friends at church, but I know He has us right where He wants us in the palm of His hand!

  347. First, I want to say I love this article and the comments that have followed!

    I grew up in a family of four children and, oh the memories! I wouldn’t trade them for the world! 🙂 I married when I was 22, a few months away from finishing college and a hubby who was entering graduate school. Our mindset at the time was that we would wait a couple years to have children and only two…two would be our contribution to the world (the attitude of the world these days) and that was IT! Well, as it happened, those couple years passed, DH finished up school, we moved and he started his career. We didn’t end up having children for a good year beyond what WE had planned. Imagine! 🙂 Fast forward to today…we are expecting #4 this summer and in our late 30’s. Looking back now, we are both thankful for a change of heart. We have the privilege of meeting with two families in our church who each have 5+ children and seeing their attitude towards children (they are viewed as true blessings) and the dynamics of those larger families, I’m sure it has been God’s way of showing us things from His viewpoint. When we announced we were expecting #4, the father of one of those families was truly beaming with excitement for us and it almost moved me to tears after seeing so many others with responses that were reserved, guarded and loaded with the questions that others have already mentioned. I know in my heart that we are living what God had planned for us all along despite our own belief that we knew what was best for ourselves (typical child thinking, isn’t it?). God really does have His own plan and timing for things. We just need to be willing for it. There are lots of people with lots of opinions (& many aren’t afraid to share them), but the only thing that really matters in the long run is that you are living within God’s will. He really does know what is best. Hugs to all!

  348. I heard a lot of those negatives when I was first having children, and they have been a nagging problem all along – but I’ve ignored them. I’m expecting my 10th baby, and nothing in this world brings me more joy (besides my beliefs and my husband) than being a mother! Thanks for a beautiful reminder!

  349. See, thank you!

    I’m 19 and engaged to be married in a year, so I get lots of questions like:

    “What, are you pregnant?” (nope, just in love, no shotguns involved)

    “Don’t you want to travel/have a career/party before you get married?” (as if you can’t do those things when you’re married…?)

    Or my personal favorite:

    “How can you be so sure you want to be with him for your whole life if you haven’t even slept with him yet?”

    And I’m just like…

  350. My husband and I were married 19 years ago this June 3, I was 22, and he was 29. My Dad told us when we got married that he was to young to be a grandpa, so he wanted us to wait for at least 5 years. 3 months later we told my family that we were expecting, my dad was less than thrilled, we should have waited, but he came around. 11 days before our 1 year anniversary our little boy arrived.
    Fast forward 6 1/2 years later we have 4 kids and I am 4 months pregnant with #5 and my husband was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma stage 3. The Dr.’s told us that if we wanted more kids we should bank it, because the chemo that he would be on would make him sterile. We told them we were happy and content with what God had given us. So he started his 6 months of chemo, a few weeks before his chemo ended which was May 9, 2002 our little girl arrived. My husband went through his few more weeks of chemo and had his scans and praise God he was in remission!!!
    In May of 2004 I found out that I was pregnant!!!???? I WAS SUPPER EXCITED!!
    We told family and friends, and we had few upsetting remarks, “what are you doing? what if he gets cancer again?? My response was, what if he pulls out of the sub and get hit by a cement truck and dies? I wish I would have had more words to speak, but I was in shock! My Dad and Mom actually pulled my husband and I aside and were genuinely concerned about the health of the baby and again they said “What happens if something happens to your husband?” Wow the questions!
    So she was born healthy and strong in Jan. of 2005.
    So, I am going to fast forward to March 1, 2011, God blessed us with 9 pregnancies, and 9 healthy children and I am pregnant with #10 which is due in May. With every pregnancy we were hurt by comments! I often wondered why people thought this way, people from our church who are christian’s! These are truly gifts from GOD! Why can’t christian’s see that! We were pressured by family on many occasions to have a procedure done to prevent further babies. We did not have financial stability, but we did have GOD which provided for us daily!
    Needless to say we said no to the procedures, but a few months before our last, my husband decided that he was getting to old, and 10 was enough, so he had a vasectomy, at 2 and 3 months post procedure he got the all clear. Ever since I have felt guilty for making a decision that was clearly God’s to make! So I prayed that God would forgive us and that if it was his will for us to have more, his will would be done. I HAVE NOT SHARED THIS WITH VERY MANY AS I AM AFRAID OF THE MEAN HURTFUL COMMENTS! About 10 weeks ago, I was late, thought “there is no way I am pregnant”, well I was, but I ended up having a miscarriage about 5 weeks ago. It is something I have never experienced before, and wow how devastating to say the least! I told my sister thinking I would get a little support, and she said “I thought you weren’t having anymore?” Nothing more was said. In her defense she has no kids, so I think it may have been a little awkward. I just pray now that this hurt won’t be the last thing that I feel/experience regarding this.

    “CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM GOD”

    1. I love your outlook. It is beautiful. I am sorry for the hurtful comments people can make. There is nothing more beautiful than true dependence on the Lord and nothing speaks louder at declaring His love in that He provides!

  351. I haven’t read through all the comments, but the link to this popped up on my Facebook. As each person’s situation is uniquely crafted by God, I find myself in a painful minority of women who deeply desire children but find out that the process doesn’t seem as easy and natural as it is for most. For two decades now, I have loved caring for children. God in His goodness withheld marriage till I was 31. While I would not trade those precious years for anything, there was sadness woven steadily throughout them. Just when I thought I was learning about patience and truly trusting His timing, I encountered more unexpected waiting. Wanting to and being in the position of being able to start a family right away, we’re now a year and four months into unexpected infertility, wrestling through testing, expenses, options, pursuit of adoption….clinging to faith and the hand of our Father through it all.
    If I finally get pregnant, I can’t imagine any negative comment that would be able to touch my profound joy and gratitude at the thing so many take for granted, don’t want, or see as a burden! And for those pregnant or who have children, please know that those, no matter how difficult, are a blessing that some of us wonder, weeping, why we have not been granted.

  352. This was so well written and what I needed to hear today. Thank you! We just had our second and are excited to see how many children God will bless us with. My midwife asked what we wanted to do for birth control and didn’t really know how to respond when we said we weren’t doing anything and just wanted to let happen what happens when it happens. That’s how #2 came about and we were thrilled!

  353. I had a single child. I had him late, not by choice but because I never found “the one” when I was young. I had always wanted to be young while my kids were young but my life did not work out that way. Guess what though? We women who appear to ‘have it all’ in opposite world get our own brand of snide comments and mommy criticisms. I was already college educated, I was making good money at a job I enjoyed and I was well over 30 but my family and friends still told me it was the wrong time, the wrong reasons and too soon/too late to have a child! Why must society make being a mom, one of the best experiences I have ever had, and one I wish I could have again, just another reason to citicise women? It seems no matter when you bring a child into the world, you’ve always done it wrong in someone’s view. Why must the most exciting news a woman will ever hear be dampened by the opinions (and that’s all they are!) of others? Also to you who have many children: I see you in the stores and in the streets and I admire both your beautiful children and your courage! Let’s just acknowledge that raising gifts from God is a also a challenge God gives to you…while your child grows (one or many!) you grow too. How sweet!

    1. I agree. You know what they say- “haters gonna hate.” But if you align your life with God’s will you can’t go wrong!

  354. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my second and freaking out about how I was going to handle two kids that I realized how entrenched I was in the culture of death–the idea that society has that children are a commodity instead of a gift and that kids totally ruin your life. Neither of my pregnancies were planned, especially my first which happened 5 months before we were married, so I bought into the Opposite World idea that because they weren’t planned that I couldn’t celebrate them or that I was an idiot because I got pregnant. Which is ridiculous–I wouldn’t give back my children for anything in the world. They have blessed my life tremendously! I think a lot of moms suffer from the fallout of Opposite World. I know I’m still in the healing process, as the idea of a third child still scares me. Not that I have to have more than two, but I do want to be open to where God leads us in family size. Whenever I freak out about it, I just remember how much I freaked out about having both my kids and how much I love them and wouldn’t want life without them. That’s how it’s going to be if/when God blesses us with more kids.

    As to negative comments, I get a lot of people telling me I have my hands full with TWO kids. It could be a lot busier!

  355. Courtney,
    I was on facebook and saw that one of my friends had posted this on her page. I am not pregnant, I am single, but I am also Christian and it excites me to see great women, like yourself, proclaiming the truth to the world. I even cried a little, for I was so happy that others feel this way. Thank you for sharing your thoughts; thank you for sharing your light and testimony. May God bless you forever.
    -Megan

  356. Thank you so much for your words!!! I can’t wait to share them with my 23 year old who desires children but hesitates to share this desire because of “society”. She is now married and is still waiting to please society. I hope this will prompt her to walk the path that God is leadind her down not that
    of those “discouragers” around her.

  357. I’ve only given birth once, but we have 18 kids. We will have 21 children soon. We adopted 12 from US foster care and 5 from Eastern Europe in July ’12. We are headed back for 3 more from an orphanage where they have lived in a horrible setting and my 9 year old there weighs only 18 lbs. You’d think that people would say “so glad that they can have a family”. Instead people say “why?”. Christians don’t know why we bother. I feel sick. . . I had people in my life that I no longer bother with because they see no value in the children that I adore and that God has made mine. Why should I go to all this trouble for children that aren’t even “mine”??? Our world is so messed up and sees children as such a burden that Christians would rather them die alone, just as long as we don’t have to see them. . . Thank you for this article. I guess sometimes I really think it is just orphans that they don’t value, but honestly it is children in general. So very sad. . .

  358. Thank you so much for the post! As a 22 year old who still hasn’t graduated (my husband either) we felt very strongly it was time to start having kids..I’m 2 months pregnant and have been a little nervous to tell people because I know we will be faced with a lot of criticism about our happy news…Great reminder that this is the way the Lord intended!

  359. I was just talking about this the other day. I am pregnant with my third child…all three are boys. Whenever I walk around people stop me and ask if I’m having a girl. When I say no, they say, “oh boy…you’ll be (insert negative comment here..busy, tired…etc).” Then they each, without fail, ask if I will try again for a girl. As if there is something wrong with having three boys. I’m excited to have three boys. We also had children young and when they find out that we have three kids before I turn 28 it is assumed that we have no education. We both have degrees, but got married young and had my first two weeks before I graduated college. God provided for us during that time by giving my professors a softened heart and allowing me to graduate even though I would miss so much class time. I’ve never gone to work as a social studies teacher, but I use my degree every day in communicating with friends, family, strangers, and my own children. I learned to do my research when I have questions. I learned how to handle conflict. But having my children has taught me more about God’s grace and love for us than I could have ever imagined. Unconditional love doesn’t seem so difficult when I look into the faces of my children. My boys have taught me to be less selfish. In an “it’s all about me” world, my kids are a daily reminder that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with others and how I allow God to work in my life to serve them. Thank you for this post. I’m so glad that I’m not alone in the swarm of negativity that I hear each day about children…

  360. My husband and I were “Not” not trying for 4 years before we got pregnant with our first. The Lord’s timing in everything. I had just begun nursing school. When my son was 9 months old I heard the Lord tell me to go down to my school and see where I was in terms of school. The head instructor told me, “It’s funny you should come by, we had one student drop this week. Lets see where you are at on the wait list. Oh, looks like you are first on the list, you are in.” God gave me my sister to nanny and I went back when my son was 10 months old. Lo and behold around 10 months I got pregnant with our second, a little girl. I remember the Lord saying at this time, “I give and I take a way, who are you to tell me what to do?” I felt so overwhelmed and I looked back in my prayer journal. Before my son was born I had asked for one boy and one girl. This time I pressed on through nursing school I gave birth to my daughter during Thanksgiving break. I returned a week after that. The Lord took care of me in both callings.
    I graduated nursing school in the spring and was not able to get a job initially. Then I got pregnant with our third. I sadly through myself on the floor and had a toddler fit. How would I ever be a nurse? Why did the Lord call me to school only to have me not use it? My third and a little boy is so much fun, I now couldn’t imagine life without his humor and his sweet dance moves.
    During a worship service a few months ago, I again heard the Lord as I was praying for a friend who had a miscarriage. He said, “You seek to control what is not yours to control and then you ask me to bless you.” My friend was wanting a boy and had had an IUD placed. I told the Lord, “We can’t afford another one, I don’t want to get fat and I still haven’t gotten to work.” The Lord responded with, “Have I not given you…. a race car bed for your son (free), leather couches, (free) the house I asked for (through ministry)…” He went on with a few more items things that only He and I could know about, and then He said, “Have I not caused you to loose the weight? Are you not to the weight you were before you gave birth to your son?” He continued, “Can you not trust Me?! Can you not trust me?” I sobbed. In the middle of this worship service I am crying and crying, try getting to the part in the song, where you sing, “You are God, You are God, of all else I’m letting go.” I could barely sing and it and surrendered right there.
    Within 2 weeks of this the Lord gave me my first job as a nurse, part-time for a surgery center ideal for a mom with kids, and He also gave us a second vehicle.
    We got pregnant with our 4th and soon after lost it. I was maybe 8 weeks. I looked back and foolishly, I had again doubted and asked God “Do you really control this?” Well He does. I am now expecting our 4th once again. It’s crazy how many comments I get. I would say 9/10 is totally right. I feel mine must be even heavier and worse. My own mother, “You are going to be basket case.” So I am learning to shrug off the burdens the world is trying to heap upon me and the shame they are trying to seek to destroy me with, because I serve a strong God and I seek to obey Him above all.

    1. Emily, thank you for sharing! God has truly blessed you! You are so right! “God is in Control and he is the ultimate decision maker! What others think and say do not matter, we are following GODS WILL, and as long as we do, he will provide!

  361. Wow, there’s a LOT of comments on here!
    I understand the negative comments. I have 10 kids, so I’ve heard them all. Some were very mean. It’s hard to believe some people could be so bold and rude. The one EVERYONE seems to think is perfectly fine to ask is “are you done now?” As if it’s their stinking buisness!!! Sometimes when my husband is around he’ll answer with a smart alec comment like, “What? She’s only 40, there’s a good 10 years left in her!” People look shocked and he walks away snickering.
    My kids are now 23-3, and we are in our 19th year of homeschooling. My husband and I teach Natural Family Planning classes. We do tell our students: “Don’t be afraid of NFP just because we have 10 kids, we knew exactly every time that we got pregnant that it could result in pregnancy and we were ok with it.” But we also tell them not to be afraid of a large family either. Every time we were pregnant again we had fears of how we were going to afford another, but God has always provided. If you are open to God blessing you with another he will not abandon you. I think it was Mother Teresa who said, if you have another mouth to feed, God will give you the bread. She didn’t say God would give cell phones, braces, college education, vacations… but that he will sustain us. And that he has. Even when money was really tight, Grandpa bought braces for two of my kids, hubby got a bonus at work and we took a 17 year anniversary honeymoon. So we aren’t always broke, but we just trust that God will be there for us. He always has.

  362. I think deep down, many of these people who make negative comments, are jealous. Why would people care otherwise? They are jealous because you/they have something they dont’ have. Having children is a maternal instinct and many of these women are fighting that instinct.

    I once read that a survey was taken among a group of women, and they were asked that if instead of having abortions, would they give their baby away if they could, most answered no becasue if “they can’t have their baby no one else will”. There you have it. That is a form of jealousy.

  363. Thank you for the positive comments about having children! We have 6 and I love having a houseful. Our (quite small) house is the gathering house for my teenagers’ friends, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We were recently on vacation in Zion National Park, and met a woman who was hiking with her husband, who commented that he really enjoys the silence…as the rest of my family joined up with me on the trail. The woman asked how many children we have, and when I told her “6”, she turned her head away ( like I wasn’t going to notice) and mouthed “Oh my G**” and then turned back to me and told me she had never met anyone with six children. I told her we like our family the size that it is,and continued along the trail, all 8 of us together. I have thought about her several times since-how sad that she will never know the joy that is impossible to quantify or describe, but the best thing in the world, that comes from having children and seeing them learn, explore and achieve.

  364. I am so loving reading all the comments! I really appreciate the “Opposite World” idea-whatever God means for good, the world will disparage, and children certainly fall into that category. My own journey began late, before I knew better than to start early. There were medical reasons that we didn’t try for children a couple of years earlier, but now I encourage young couples in godly marriages ( and who ask!) not to wait to have babies. Too much can go wrong. We never had as many children as we desired at first. One miscarriage, one live birth (now 26 and a father!! that makes me a grandmother!!!!)3 ectopic pregnancies and 2 great kids adopted at birth, and still at home. I try to be very careful what I say to familes with many children, simply because I never had that opportunity, and I can tend to be a bit envious if I’m not careful. However, I caution you to not be too sensitive to what people say. I know from comments we get on our adopted children (they’re a different race than our biological child)-most people are well meaning, but are out of their experience in expressing it; they live in opposite world, too, you know! I assume kindness and try to respond in kind. You can’t expect everyone to be in the same spiritual or personal position that you are in. Now, I’m hoping my children want large families, since I didn’t have the opportunity. 2 are too young to know, just yet, but the oldest seems to be on his way(with his beautiful wife, of course!!) to making me the grandmother of many! God is indeed faithful in all circumstances!

  365. I cannot tell you what a blessing this blog post is to me and my heart today! I receive comments every time I venture out with my crew. My crew consists of 5 blessings (7, 4.5, 3.5, 2.5, and a 9 mo. old). Biologically impossible ages…our 3.5 year old is adopted and has been home for 1.5 years.:) The comments that I get are obviously heightened with gasps because my kids’ ages are so close, but also because the child we adopted has Down Syndrome. People that don’t know he is adopted frequently ask leading questions that reveal their curiousity about why we would continue to have more children after him. They don’t know we chose him and fought desperately to get him home! Our desire is to be obedient to the Father and that means living outside the norm of what the world “gets.” Sometimes I feel very alone and I know my husband does as well. Reading this serves as such a reminder to us about what God calls us to and that we are in the world, but not of this world. My calling is my family and I wouldn’t have it any other way! It means a lot of loss of “self” and that is NEVER easy! But nothing that is for Him usually is! Thank you for writing this! Now I am going to go tickle my munchkins and tell them how cherished they are!!!!

  366. That was just beautiful. I was in tears by the time I finished it. I have four kids ages five and under and Im always hearing the negative comments. God gave me the desires of my heart when he blessed me with my children and I need to stop worrying about what other people think and just enjoy them.

  367. I must be lucky because I never got those comments. Of course I don’t remember every comment other people gave me but if someone said something I didn’t want to hear then I tried to let go of it as quickly as I could because I knew it didn’t serve me. I’m sorry you and other mothers get those kind of remarks. I think other people are just projecting their opinions and experiences on you, and while its no doubt unwelcome by you, I think you need to stand up and see past that. You can’t just hold them all hostage for having a bad experience. You have to stand up and be a light to them. Stop acting like a victim and start acting like a hero, if that is what you are pretending to be.

  368. Thank you for speaking up in this post. I’ve thought this same thing many times in conversation with my Christian sisters who have children. There are many sarcastic comments about babies and negative words about pregnancy. I pray that God will give me the courage to speak the truth about the value God places on children.

  369. Good Morning,
    I am a lover of Jesus, and a blessed mom of three boys and a little girl on the way! I do feel often that people see me and say, wow she is crazy three little boys 5,4,and 2 and now pregnant again. I work as a school counselor, and I have had many negative comments. However, God allows us to embrace all He has for us and choose how many children we want to have. As you can see by children’s ages that getting pregnant happens easily for me, but I do love on those that choose to only have one or two children. I say if you are going to do your best to love them, teach them to be all God has intended them to be, and guide them to learn His will for their lives then have as many as you want. My only concern as a school counselor in a elementary is those who have so many children or even one or two who don’t care about, love on, and/or guide them. I pray that they will have a real encounter for the Lord, and see His desire for them to raise those little ones to be God fearing and God loving. I just work to show them love and care each day!

  370. Sorry, but I don’t want any kids. And you receive a LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT more crap from “Christians” who deem you unworthy to even be a wife if you don’t want any kids. I’m a Christian too. But I’m going to be a doctor and kids would destroy my life. I don’t want them. And the fact that a lot of you just went “what a terrible woman” or thought “wow, I wish she would think differently” or “if only she would have a baby, her opinion would change” shows you just how one-sided people are when it comes to kids. They may tell pregnant women how negative things get with kids, but if you don’t have any at all than you’re seen as worthless. I’ve seen enough women in my church go through it. Having a baby would destroy everything I ever worked hard for. I’ve had nightmares about getting pregnant. It’s one of the worst things that could ever happen to me.

  371. I am so thankful to have 5 daughters, the last at 42. Also had 5 miscarriages. Wish I could have had more.

  372. What a beautiful post! I have been very lucky in that I’ve heard little to no negative remarks with my pregnancies. Most of what I get are…”really, you’re 26? and have 4 kids? You look a lot younger!” I take it as a compliment 🙂

    I have heard that many are pretty negative though, and that is sad. Children are a gift we should cherish.

  373. I’m pregnant with my third, and we’re very happy about it. We haven’t told too many people yet, but I was pretty taken aback at my typically very supportive mother who was crying that she might be too old and won’t get to know this child for as long. And also commanded that my husband get snipped after this. I’m doing my best to forgive her, but it stings. My parents are younger than her parents were when she had me (and I’m the oldest) – and they are very healthy and active. And frankly, we don’t base our decisions on when people may die. Just seems so macabre. And my husband doesn’t want to get snipped, I’m not going to force him. He doesn’t insist I use hormonal bc, I don’t insist he gets the v – both of us are concerned about the effects on our bodies, and we respect that for each other.

  374. I have really been struggling with something here lately, and thought who better than a group of Godly women to help me out? I am 21 and am currently dating a great guy I met at church. We are at the stage were we talk about a possible future together. Then he threw a curve ball. He is convinced that he doesn’t want kids. Then he told me that if I God was calling me to be a mother, we should break up because nothing (even him) should separate me from the will of God. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, so hes had a long time to think about this.Yes, men change there mind about children all the time, but I know I shouldn’t go into a marriage with the mindset that he will decide one day that we should have them. He thinks that parenthood is wonderful, but that he doesn’t have the patience to be a father. He is also highly involved in missions, and sees children as something that would hinder that. I love him and would love to one day marry him, but the thought of not having children brought me to tears.
    As of now, I am thinking that I don’t have to be a mother to be loving and compassionate and share the message of God to children, and I have always had a heart for missions and would love to join my boyfriend in it.But every time i am about set on this decision, I hear or see something (such as this blog) that screams to me “dump him! You should be a mother!” Most of all I want Gods will to be done, but its hard to discern what is just my selfish wants and what the Lord would have me do.

  375. This post really depressed me! I am 29 years old and I am married to a youth pastor. We just had our first daughter six months ago and I couldn’t be happier. She is adorable, sweet, fun but also a lot of work. That aside what disturbs me is this extremely prevalent and persistent idea in church that all women were meant to be wives and mothers and this is a women’s greatest calling in life. The problem, I think that this couldn’t be more wrong! I truly believe that our call as people (men or women) is to live out the calling that Jesus put on all of our lives to create God’s Kingdom on earth.
    I hate it when I see women at church who have put who they are on hold to “raise their children.” I fully believe that Christ call us at all times to serve not just our families, but also our neighbors, strangers, and especially our enemies. When we make our children the center of the Universe we remove God from our lives and from the lives of our children because we have taught them that they are the single most important thing to us. God’s Kingdom does not work like this, even in proverbs 31 the women of great worth is serving not just her household but serving and showing hospitality to everyone. I am a working mom and can’t even begin to describe the judgement that I have received over this, mostly from other Christian women. But I whole heartedly believe that God called me to be an emergency room nurse and I will not simply stop because it makes some people uncomfortable. I work in the emergency room because most of the under served populations (homeless, poor, uneducated) receive most of their medical care. My co-workers know what my husband does and how committed we are to the youth that he as been fortunate enough to be called to minister too and they all think we are crazy. We have students over to our house on a weekly bases. We are at church usually with the daughter in tow twice a week for youth group and Sundays, and what I love the most is knowing that my daughter will grow up knowing that the most important thing to both her father and I is that we love God and will follow his calling on our lives. If I am fortunate enough to have my daughter follow after Jesus I will be give all of the glory to God for saving her and not to me “stellar” parenting. The truth is the Holy Spirit will save her, not me. So having children, or not have children, being married or not does not change God’s love for us. We are all called to two things, first that we Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves.

    1. I like your comment, but would just add that struggles are a blessing from God also. My kids and I have been homeless, I have been jobless and car-less, I am divorced and have struggled with my kids’ health and behavior issues. I have come to understand that God’s plan for me is to raise my boys to be christian men, I also need to work and take care of my health issues so that I could be here for them. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Moderation is a good word to describe parenting and working. We have overcome a lot and will continue to overcome a lot because we believe God is in control. We will appreciate the people God places in our lives and not forget our humble beginnings. You are an inspiration to me because you have found balance and the peace, joy and love that goes with that, but there are several women I know that have found balance with being home-schooling parents as well and teach their kids about ministry and serving. Keep up the good work but remember other’s choices and situations aren’t necessarily bad or wrong, just different.

  376. Courtney, thank you so much for writing this post!! I’ve always known I was meant to be a mother, and since age 14 it’s been like a desperate need. I was always waiting to get married and for years couldn’t find a man who was right for me in the first place, let alone one who wanted kids! Older adults, even counselors and doctors would tell me I shouldn’t be upset about this, go do (fill in the blank) first, you’re so young, you don’t need children! When I know in every fiber of my being that this is why I’m on earth. I’m 29 years old and have been married for two years. Before we got married he said he wanted children; afterwards he got cold feet. Now he’s finally ready, and TOMORROW I have a doctor’s appointment to discuss whether it’s safe for us to try. Because my health is not good. It just devastates me when people act like I shouldn’t even care about this, I should be focused on my career or whatever. I’ve waited my whole life to have children, isn’t that long enough? I’ve been reading the story of Hannah over and over, and I feel that maybe God is almost ready to give me my reward. I felt Him speaking to me one night, saying not to worry. So I’m trying not to. It’s in His hands.

  377. Courtney, I so appreciate this post! I am a 32 year old wife and mom, and just gave birth to our fifth child, a beautiful baby boy (our third son!).

    I can totally relate with what your young friend, Melanie, is facing. Believe me when I say I have heard it all! I will never understand the negativity toward child and child bearing in our culture.

    Thank you for encouraging women to embrace this beautiful season of life and enjoy motherhood to the fullest. Children are truly a blessing!

  378. This is so true and sad of our society today! I am 29 and pregnant with #4. My husband and I married right out of college and found out we were expecting #1 three months later, found out about #2 the weekend of our son’s 1st birthday, and #3 right as I was finally using that degree I worked so hard for when our daughter was 2. 🙂 Surprisingly, I have had more support this time around than I did with any of the others. I suppose my in-laws and others have finally grasped the idea that we’re trusting God with our family. I am extremely blessed to be able to stay home with my kids, even if I am paying for a degree I’m not using professionally, although it has come in handy homeschooling our little ones. I love the crazy and unpredictable life God has given me!!

  379. I worked in Washington DC at the children’s hospital. I was 25 at the time. I thought I would have troubles having kids (long TMI story) and I wanted children young anyway. I wasn’t even pregnant but somehow the topic came up with a co-worker. She was 35 and said that she and her husband were in no hurry to have children, and that I was REALLY young and had plenty of time until I SHOULD get pregnant. I’m SO glad I didn’t listen. While our first child came much MUCH sooner than expected (although not an accident), our second came later than hoped for and I worry that it’s on a downward trend for our third. HOWEVER, I do have to shamefully admit that when I had a friend who had 4 kids under the age of 4 (no twins), I teased her a little. NOT because she was having so many, but that they were so close together. It was meant in fun, but it wasn’t my business and I’m sorry now that I even thought that. She’s a powerhouse mom and just because I wouldn’t be able to handle kids that close together doesn’t mean that she couldn’t. She’s an amazing example to me of love and sacrifice.

  380. My name is Will, 27 with a beautiful 26 year old wife and a 15 month old little boy. We, mostly I, fell into the cultural pressure to wait until we are financially ready. And I was scared out of my mind when we discovered we were pregnant. Those were some of the hardest times emotionally for us but also the most rewarding (aren’t all the best experiences in life usually the most difficult?).

    My wife’s mother works for a nursing home and has a patient that gave her life to her career. This patient has multiple degrees including a doctorate, was a published and successful professor at a prestigious college near here, and was considered to be a powerful feminist voice in her day. She gave her best years and all her other years to her career and put off family as unimportant. Now she sits alone in her room with dementia and punches the nurses that are the only ones who care for her. She never has any visitors.

    What a wasted life, and a pathetic one she now lives. I leave a legacy in my children and a multiplying family, and have learned more about God as my father by being a father than I could’ve ever hoped to otherwise. Times are hard, but oh so good. I wouldn’t trade these years for anything. God always knows better – lets listen to him, not the ever-changing notions of culture.

    1. Will, why was that woman’s life wasted? She probably influenced many people in her day, hopefully for the good. If she was a powerful voice hopefully she effected change and positive things in her day.

      You know that there are *many* people who have children yet still sit alone in nursing homes, right? It’s almost more common than childless people sitting alone. My parents chose to have 9 children and my father was a very proud controlling man. I do not want to take care of him when he is older!! His choice to have lots of children,among other choices, supposedly because this was God’s calling on his life, has had horrible effects on us, his children and our perspective of God. I am basically an agnostic right now, and that is because of my father’s skewed theology and hypocritical lifestyle. There is *always* another side to a story.

  381. Just thought I’d add my little bit. I am the mother of 7 beautiful daughters. Talk about negative comments one receives when you have # 3,#4, #5, #6,and #7 girl !! ANOTHER GIRL!!!! was my most disliked comment…And not being gifted in the “witty” department, I never really had a good comeback!
    I also was a young bride (19) and had babies right away…About every two yrs or so…
    I also felt that motherhood was not valued by not only the world, but also sadly by families, and friends…And I also felt oh,soo unworthy of this great honor of being the mother of 7 beautiful jewels!
    I know that I was not the great mother I knew I should be, but I did try and through God’s grace,I persevered and now enjoy the second-best of God’s greatest gifts; grandmotherhood!!!!
    And I love it! After 6 weddings in 6 yrs, I now have 12 grandchildren (youngest to be born in November)and,the oldest of whom is only 5!!!!!! And of course, we now have our sons! and grandsons!
    So, as far as I’m concerned, I have been blessed beyond anything I ever could have imagined.! My cup does runneth over!
    I wish there would have been forums of encouragement like this one thirty years ago…I know it would have made a difference…
    This anti-life world needs more families,and lots of babies…May God abundantly bless you with His best gift…LIFE!

  382. I have to be honest, this article seems very one sided. It was mentioned that having children is a calling… As a calling doesn’t that mean it is not for everyone and not meant for all times. I don’t think waiting is a bad thing if that is what you and your spouse prayerfully believe that is what God has in mind for you. I also do not think it’s reasonable to expect every woman to boldly bare her pregnancy belly. Not everyone who is excited about having a child is comfortable with the popular pregnancy pictures happening right now. My husband and I are not sure we will ever have children. We love children and enjoy time with my little brothers but right now we’re just taking things one step at a time. We are open to whatever God has for us but if that is not children I don’t think that is anything wrong either.

    Also many people cannot have children and it has nothing to do with a biological clock…. I understand what is being addressed in this article but I wish it seemed a little less one sided. Not all women are meant to be mothers; this doesn’t mean that they are unfulfilled, unhappy, or away from their calling.

    1. True. At the end of the day I think it’s all about you living your life according to what God has planned for you and not what the world, your culture, or even your local church seems to want. That often means homemaking and motherhood and it should be celebrated more often than it is in our culture. I think that was the main point of the post. If God has called you towards a different path that should be celebrated too. I don’t think anyone here would or should try to deny that. Personally, this is why I feel it is so important to carve out quiet time to pray so God can help me discern my path/ priorities/ etc.

    2. i agree with many o the things you poited out… but i can tell you that my pregnancy was not easy… and yes i have to admit i did complain… but i thank God everyday for that miracle in my belly…. i hurt everyday… but i thank and pray to God over my baby… and it wasnt easy… but it hurt a whole lot… but i am so thankful to God for helping me thru it and i LOVE my baby…. even thou i did complain about the pain at times….and cried some because of the pain sometimes… i think that we shouldnt say your better or less of a woman or mother if you hurt and xpress your pain…and yoiu are right..i wish i had babys sooner but i didnt meet my husband till i was 30… so i waited to get married andthen right away got pregnant. he is 3 months now. i dont feel less of a mother or not believer enough because i complain about the pain… infact… i saw how much easier other women have had their pregnancies and i think to mysfel…. what happen to me? 🙂

  383. My husband and I were in a restaurant recently with our fourth child who was turning 1 year that same day. A lady at the table next to us kept looking at him and eventually said that he was such a precious little boy and so well behaved. She asked if he was our first to which I replied, “our fourth.” To my delight she smiled and said, “I only had two but I wish I had six.” Now I am pregnant with number five and have decided to wait a while to tell anyone. I want to enjoy this pregnancy without the negative comments for as long as I can. It is fun having this little secret joy all to myself.

  384. My husband and I married at 18 (young, but we believe it was a wise and best choice for us with our parent’s involved every step of the way) and decided to trust God in the timing of starting a family and embrace the blessing of children despite being young and very tight financially. In His providence, we found out that I was pregnant right before our second anniversary. I remember a month or two before our son was born venting to my husband and saying, “I KNOW that it will be hard–it already has been-and I know it will require sacrifice and I will have frustrating days and sleepless nights and disobedient kids…I’m a person who is fairly positive but very realistic and I am already way nervous enough about the difficulty of motherhood just from myself–I really don’t need people to “prepare me for the worst”–I just need them to encourage me right now.” My son is two months old and my life is not over, it has had trying (maturing) times and has my life has become less about me but far more sweet with this little one to raise.

  385. I have been in more than one of the positions represented by this post and by the comments. I had a career when I was in my twenties, followed by several years of infertility before becoming pregnant the first time. It made me sick to see women getting pregnant and griping about it when I couldn’t get pregnant on purpose! I am apparently on a 3 year ovulation cycle, because that is when my kids arrived. We ended up with 4 (now 20, 16, 13, 10) and wish we could have had more. The biological clock ran down before we could get any more out! I’ve heard all of the negative comments. You should have seen the stricken look on people’s faces when they found out I was pregnant AGAIN, the third and fourth time. I cannot imagine what comments those of you with ACTUAL large families put up with. I have never felt “at wit’s end” for more than a couple of hours with only 4 kids. If you are physically present to train them and then expect them to behave properly, it is really not as big of a deal to have 4 as people act like it is.
    For those of you who are offended by the article above, I say, “If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn’t fit then this article is obviously not about you.” If what is being said here rubs you the wrong way, chances are you need to get with God and find out why this trips your trigger so badly. In our society women who have a bunch of kids and stay home with them are treated like idiots and/or lunatics. Being a career woman or an absent mother with few children is glorified. The pressure on women with no children to have them, is not so much judgement (in my experience) it is more like sympathy and/or lack of comprehension of why a woman would make that choice (depending on the situation). Those of us who have children know that motherhood is by far more fulfilling and a better opportunity to spread the gospel than any other ministry. The best way to win someone to Christ is to raise them in a loving Christian family with a mother who is present in the home. You are unlikely to lead 4 or 5 adults to Christ in your life while in the workplace. You are very likely to raise 4 or 5 (10, 15) kids in a godly home and have them go on to live Christ Centered lives. As a mother, you can begin a legacy for Christ that will go on for generations. Do you understand the POWER of that? Do you understand the privilege and honor of being given that power? It’s not that women cannot have any other ministry or vocation in their lives. They just can’t have them all at once and are, for the most part, called to this ministry at some point in their lives and earlier is better, health and energy-wise. If motherhood is an option that is not open to you, then obviously you go through the door God has opened for you. The point is: When you have an opportunity to literally change the world for the cause of Christ, it’s hard to understand why you would want to do anything else. When you have this opportunity to make such a difference, why stop at 2 children on purpose? I am an “older woman” and when I read Titus 2, it tells me to instruct younger women. It does not tell me to instruct them to start a church, go on a mission trip, get a job, etc. It tells me to teach them “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God”. I believe that is the calling that this article is defending.
    I look forward to the article on Doing it all In Opposite World. I have found that, in Opposite World, one of the maxims is that making one choice does NOT EVER mean that any other door closes. You can do EVERYTHING all at once and DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME I CAN’T! The problem is that in the real world, when you take one path, you close the door to another. If you try to do everything at once, you will do NONE of it well. One of the reasons why having more than a couple of children is so unthinkable to people is because with more children it LITERALLY, physically becomes impossible to do it all and people in opposite world cannot fathom a life that requires you to commit to motherhood with your whole heart. While I don’t understand it, I actually have respect for married women who choose not to have children. I think it is very mature and responsible to say, “This is just not something I desire in my life.” If you are NOT going to choose the life of being “all in” in terms of motherhood, I encourage you to not do it AT ALL. The women I seriously take issue with are those who think it’s ok to have children (even one), kennel them like a dog and go on with their lives. Children are far too important to be just one of many things that you have on your day planner. They are eternal souls that you have helped create. If you want to come home everyday, pat something on the head for an hour and then put it to bed- that’s why God created DOGS. Again, if this makes you mad, maybe you need to get with God and find out why.

    1. Wow. Eva and Beth. Have some charity. If you have a disagreement, articulate it. How can Tam clarify or beg to differ with you, otherwise?

  386. Reading this post reminded me of all the comments that I heard when I was pregnant with our first. I just did the ‘smile-and-nod’ and shrugged it off, but it is funny that the negative is what people focus on. We have a beautiful toddler boy, and after two miscarriages, I will always focus on the positive parts of being a parent. I often hear similar comments when I tell people I chose to be a stay at home mom. “What? You have a master’s degree, why would you want to stay at home?”. Because my being a parent is the best job I can imagine.

  387. We have been unable to get pregnant but recently adopted triplet 2 year old boys! What a blessing from the Lord! They have their moments like all two year olds but they are the most wonderful little guys. Most people can’t believe that we took all three…or that we leave the house…and they all breathe a sigh of relief that we don’t have other kids. Honestly I think it is a blessing that I get SO MANY opportunities to tell of what the Lord has done.

  388. very good. personally i loved ever moment of carrying my 4. would have had more but health reasons it was inadvisable. stated at 22, and a lot of people said why not wait. only you know when is right for you. enjoy it and that very special moment when you first great your little miracle, nothing prepares you for the rush of emotion it’s magical and never forgotten

  389. Thank you so much for this. My fiance and I both have always wanted to have as many children as we could be blessed with, but everyone around us- including those with children- have scared us into thinking we’re not prepared enough to think about parenthood. This has brought the joy and excitement back into my heart and soul to know that I am capable, and I have the strength to raise the blessings I am given. I can’t thank you enough for your words.

  390. This is so beautifully written and so true! Thank you very much for sharing your experience Courtney. I was married at 33, after meeting my husband at 29 and moved to the States from Canada at 37 and having left my family and everyone I cherished behind was hard enough, but when I had my baby boy at 40 and feeling totally alone, unfortunately I totally let the negative comments get to me. Although I consider myself a positive person and strong christian, I am also only human and can take so much. I call it my dessert season, which thankfully drew me even closer to God, I also became very stressed by what I was hearing, I wasn’t able to breastfeed for more than a few weeks, as my milk was only a little dribble per feeding. When I was told to put my baby on formula, I desperately wanted to continue to breastfeed just to connect with my child, so (along with the formula) I just continued to “nursing” even after my milk had stopped… That was the result of my allowing toxic words get to me. I learned a lot since then, but I just wish I was able to let go on the negative stay more positive. To all mother’s in general out there, pregnant or not, remember your worth in God and your beauty and all else will fall into place when it comes to those who try to undermine you.
    Here’s a blog post I wrote this week – 10 Tips to help you feel pretty:
    http://norajuku.com/blogs/news/7785389-10-tips-to-help-you-feel-pretty-all-day-long

  391. This article is dear to my heart. I am sickened by our societies idea of what families should look like and how we should conduct our lives. The value systems and priority rankings of most people I encounter are all screwed up. The secular worldview scenario presented in this article was and is the fuel for the abortion industry. In the church this attitude started many decades ago when slowly every denomination began condoning birth control. Babies are blessings, never burdens. Christian women need to cherish their roles given to them by their heavenly Father. I am never as happy as when I am following the plan God has laid out for my life as a woman.

  392. Oh the myopia! Equal rights/worth for all types–and ways of life.

    It is not opposite world, it is THE world. Mother Teresa recognized this, why cannot you?

    And don’t let society define you, let you and your life define you.

    There are so many ways to be benevolent, CARING for a child, any child, is one of them. But HAVING a child to perpetuate your interests or worth is merely self-righteous and not very humble.

    I doubt this comment will be approved, though, because of the dogma on display.

    Either way… Peace, Tolerance, and Originality. That would truly be a miracle.

    1. I think she is refering to the ‘real’ world as ‘opposite’ world, becuase secular culture, ie the real world is at (most) times opposite to the teachings of Christ. Our culture as a whole has turned away from morality and Christian values, and by this she is encouraging us to remain strong in our faith even if the rest of the worlds values are opposite of our own.

      Here is a direct quote from the article about motherhood from a Christian prespective. I really don’t think she is implying that Christian women should have, or are having kids, to further any dogma or agenda. In fact, she is encouraging women to lay aside there own nieeds for fullfilment and answer Gods calling to cherish and raise happy and healthy children. We as Christians are simply trying to pass on what values we hold as important to our kids and hope that they adopt them, the same as any other religon or culture.

      “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

      Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.”

  393. I gave birth to our 8th child 2 months ago and the most common question I get is, “are you done NOW?” I just smile and say only the Lord knows.

  394. I enjoyed your blog post and yes , it did sadden my heart a little- because I know the words you write about the world and so many people’s views about children. I have nine of my own blessings and over the years encountered many rude comments and criticism for our choice to have a large family. I recently wrote a post about children on my blog. How many children is too many children? http://lifefullyloaded.com/2013/03/11/how-many-children-is-too-many-children/

    Children are a blessing, thanks for your insight!
    Jamie

  395. We now have three little ones (three and under) and we’re definitely not done having children. Already I get negative comments from people when I’m out and about with my kids, so I can’t imagine what it will be like when we have 5 (Lord willing)! Recently after already being told “you sure have your hands full” several times in one grocery shopping trip, I replied to one lady “yes, they are full of blessings!”. While not all comments I receive in inherently negative, I want my kids to know they are loved and wanted, and that I am blessed to be so busy taking care of them. I don’t deny that I’m busy, but my kids need to know that I love being busy with them!

  396. We have 5 blessings from God!! I hear the same ole from so many people! Yes, they are all mine. Yes, I have my hands full. The ones I couldn’t stand while pregnant were, “You know what causes that, right?” I got brave and even to strangers, my reply was, ” Yes, and we have fun doing it too!” I know it really isn’t an appropriate response but neither is their question. Yes, I got tons of looks and red faces but you know what, I didn’t care. It shut them up quickly!!! I love being a momma of 5 and I wouldn’t change it in any way shape or form!!

  397. This is wonderful. I have a unique perspective on children being an inherent blessing no matter what “opposite world” says …

    At our 20 week ultrasound my husband and I were told that our baby girl had several developmental issues and would not survive once she was born. Of course, opposite world brought up the issue of pregnancy termination, but she was ours, fearfully and wonderfully made by her Creator, and we would celebrate her as long as we were able.

    Evie was born on 11/8/12 and lived for four wonderful hours before flying home to Jesus. She is, and always will be, our special treasure, our special girl. Children are a blessing, and Evie, even in her short life, was more of a blessing than you could imagine.

    Thank you for this wonderful post. All children are a heritage from the Lord, no matter what the world may call them.

    ps … I also have a spunky two-year-old son and I am so thankful to have the privilege of (hopefully) raising him in a way that pleases the Lord.

  398. When my children were younger, I was frequently greeted by strangers with, “You’ve got your hands full!” My stock response was, “Yes, I do! My hands are full of blessings!”

  399. I think this is just what I needed to hear today. I like how you said it is laying down your life for your childs- and compared that to Christ. I have never quite thought of it that way but its so true. I have always believed in putting them first, but thank you for really putting that in a Christian prespective. I feel like I am constatnly judged because I stay home with my kids. People are like “thats all you do?” It just has never made sense to me to go back to work. I did what society has told me to- I went to college and got my bachelors degree, then marriend my highschool sweetheart, and waited a few years before having kids. And honestly I wish I had just went ahead and had them before all that- I knew all along I wanted kids. It just has never made sense to me to go back to work. To start with the math just doesn’t add up- you end up working for very little, and I know a lot of women who work just to pay the childcare, and thats really not very smart is it? Plus they grow up in the blink of an eye, and are only little so long and you can miss that window to really bond with your kids so easiy. Why give that up? Yeah, I don’t have a fabulous career, great clothes, spa days, girls nights and I don’t live the “perfect” (ie FAKE) life on TV, and you know what? I don’t want to. I like being home with my kids and that doesn’t make me any less of a feminist either. I CHOOSE this, and isn’t that what its all about, having the abililty to choose? I think most women who think they can have both are misleading themselves- (career and kids). I think it has more to do with selfishness than anything. We want what we want when we want it. they want the rewards of motherhood and of a career even if they not really supportive of each other. I know this doesn’t apply to all working moms, everyones situation is different. But, if we were really honest with ourselves how many of us would fall into this catagory? I think a lot more than anyone wants to admit.

  400. I may be the only one who reads this with some disagreement. It’s not always Opposite World that says go to college, travel, have a career. Sometimes it’s exactly what God has planned for your life. I read this while rocking my first child who we adopted in July and I’m 41. I went to college, traveled, got married at 30 and opened a restaurant at 36. Not because Opposite World told me to but because it was the amazing path God had for me. This may not be someone else’s path, but for young godly women, neither a blog post nor a rogue comment like mine should ever cause them to redirect the path God has for them. We must all be wise like the Bereans and question everything against the standard of scripture. Then make a decisions. It might be, like Mary’s motherhood at an early age or like Sarah’s when they are older. By not encouraging young women that God may have a plan that includes college, travel and a career, we continue to perpetrate the unbiblical myth that God desires marriage and children as early as possible. Unfortunately, this has and will continue to creating a culture of malcontent women willing to settle for anything rather then waiting for God’s plan for their lives. I wish your post would have given hope to those young women who are trying desperately to live God’s plan but are confronted by married women within the church who innocently and kindly and often unknowingly make them feel that if they aren’t married and desirous of children it is because the world has spoken too loudly into their ear. Waiting on the Lord and rushing no decision b/c of someone else’s experience, ensures that their story will be a treasured one for them to tell their children….at 21 or in my case 41! I love getting to be a stay-at-home mom. But I’m 100 times better because the timing was God’s not mine. Perhaps in a follow up post you could hit the other half of the population. This was great for people who’s life plan was designed for marriage and children early. But the other half could use some biblical encouragement as well!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!

  401. I really needed to read these posts! I’m a 25 yr old mother of two girls (2yr old and 8mnth old, both were not planned by us, but by God) and I have to admit I was sucked into the negative thinking that gets shoved into your face every single day. Even my own mother keeps asking if I’ve gotten on birth control yet! I’ve told my husband I don’t believe in birth control and I refuse to get on it. Although recently I’ve been considering getting an IUD because I fell into the trap of “Two kids is as much as I can handle right now!” “I want more, but I want to wait a few years.” And in a few months I will be watching my friends’ toddler boy full time. But what tugged at my heart recently was wanting to be a foster mom! At our church there is a family who has 5 biological children, 2 adopted I think and she fosters a newborn. We we’re both breastfeeding in the nursery and she was telling me about grieving over the newborn she had to give back to his birth-mother. This woman has so much love in her heart for ALL children! I’m so thankful God led me to this website so I could get an encouraging boost; I too have heard “You sure have you’re hands full!” when my 2yr old is full of energy and my 8mnth old is shrieking in excitement. I feel horrible for ever feeling like it’s too much, and needing to get away for a few minutes! I love my girls and would do anything for them – they are God’s blessing to my husband and I! This is my calling, what I was created to do, and what I will keep doing as long as God wants me to! : )

  402. I just wanted to post some support for Moms on here 🙂 I have 2 young kids and I have found myself so tired, etc, etc and tempted to tell moms sarcastically that they should enjoy pregnancy because of the challenges of a 2-3 year old but, you know what, you are right! If we look at the BIG picture, what a beautiful job we have and YES there are days that feel just awful inside and dealing with PPD/PPOCD is tough and it is the main reason we all need to come out of hiding and get together to support each other! Moms find another mom to support you, help watch the kids, do MOPS, or the YMCA with their drop-in care. We have created such an isolated atmosphere in this day and age we need to BREAK it down and come together so we can truly celebrate life 🙂

  403. I found your post very interesting, and while I agree with your points, I had an observation – while moms, particularly young ones or those with large families, may face opposition from parts if our culture, many single or childless women face similar criticism and negativity within the church. I am a 36 year old single woman, and I can’t tell you how miserable an experience I have had in some churches, particularly those whose focus is being heavily family oriented. One expects hostility from the secular world – it is quite a shock when the same hostility comes form those who profess Christ.

  404. We have 5 (with 1 maybe 2 in heaven already). When people ask my husband, “Haven’t you figured out what causes that?” He says, “That’s the best part!” Normally takes the other person off guard and the subject changes…quickly. hahahaha!

  405. I grew up the oldest of 6 girls and I remember my mom getting “the look”, the “hands full,” and the “all yours?” comments. To me, it was something I took pride in and looked up to my mother for. While we definitely didn’t all get along all the time, my relationship with my sisters when I was growing up is something I wouldn’t have traded for anything – even for my own room. 😉 Now being married with an adorable 7-month-old myself and a few nephews and a niece, I know what all the fuss is about. Parenting requires sacrifice, but it is THE MOST REWARDING thing I have done and has brought me more JOY than any other pursuit. I happened to meet my hubby toward the end of college and we married just after my graduation. We heard the line from many friends and extended family members that we should “enjoy our time together before having children” – as if our own relationship would suddenly become less or we’d be unhappy trying to raise a family. On the contrary I have found that we love each other MORE, despite diaper blowouts and spit up. We’ve been strengthened as we are doing our best to raise our daughter to be a virtuous woman of God. I love seeing my husband play and snuggle with our little one. The world indoctrinates that having a family will break your relationship – but I never knew true love before our baby entered our lives and look forward to raising her future siblings with my husband when the time comes.

    I would note though, that it is important to be understanding of those women who may not have the opportunity to become mothers. I struggled with infertility myself and we were not blessed with our daughter until after many months of despair and heartache. I consider myself lucky to have had a relatively simple problem to overcome and know that others are not so fortunate. It is easy to fall into the trap of bitterness when looking at women who appear to be bursting at the seams with children. At that time in my life I needed love and support from others, not comments about how much free time we had since we didn’t have children yet or jokes about not rushing into things. By the same token we need to refrain from judging those who do not have kids and assuming that they are participants in the Opposite World; they may be struggling with more than we know. God bless!

  406. I love this! Thank you. I was only nineteen when I was married and had my first little girl. Since then my husband and I have been truly blessed with three other girls and are now expecting twins! We have heard all kinds of comments and most have left me praying I wouldn’t smack the person. “you’ll have to put your whole life on hold.” “better you than me” ” are you crazy?” “you can tell your husband no right?”
    It left me questioning things for years until the Lord stepped in and did some healing on my heart. I adore my little girls and love being a mother. I can’t imagine not having my children surrounding me. They are truly amazing. It’s not easy but it’s the best part of my life.
    It truly is a calling that is often overlooked or misunderstood. We do not have children “for us”. It is all to the glory of God and His will. My girls all have calls on their lives and as their parents it is our duty and responsibility to love, pray, and guide them to Jesus.
    As mothers our lives are not just about us anymore. I pray other young moms embrace that faster than I did.
    Thank you for this. for encouraging mothers to give everything without regret or worrying about what the main stream thinks.

  407. Thank you so much for writing this! My husband and I were both 22 when we got married. Then, my husband and I got pregnant with our son six months after we got married. One of the more shocking comments was from a”sibling in-law” and they asked if we had planned to get pregnant of if we had made a mistake. I honestly have to say that I had no comment for that. Most of my former co-workers as well(who are unsaved), said that “I should have waited longer” and “You’re supposed to have a little more fun and ‘fooling around’ with your husband before babies.” I have to say that I still feel pressure from my former collegues to return to full-time work because I must be crazy to want to stay home and have babies and raise children. And even among my believing sisters, I get negative comments like “Just wait until the terrible two’s” or “Try having to deal with X-amount of children and still enjoy being a mom.” I just find this sad. Yes, I agree that being a mother is a tough job but I wouldn’t want life any other way. This blog post has encouraged me greatly. I love our son, who is now nearly 10 months old. Children are the only things that we can take to heaven with us. I hope God blesses my hubby and I with many more children.

  408. What beautiful and powerful truths you have taught; about the importance of motherhood, family — and commitment!

    I married at 18 and had my first baby, right away; she was born when I was 19. Still married to my eternal companion of almost 35 years, we have five amazing children; now grandparents to nearly 11 come the end of June!

    Nothing temporal this world has to offer, compares to joy that our family, even with all the challenges, brings to us continually. Don’t be fooled!

    I do think higher education is important though, and so I would encourage young women today to make that an important part of their lives; even if they choose to be a SAHM. There are many ways to use those skills in your home. As well, there are many ways to acquire education after high school that do not involve leaving the home if you happen to have small children.

    Keep your mind active and always grow. Grow with your children in every way.

    Great post! Thank you — for your voice. Keep up the good work.

    tDMg

    Kathryn Skaggs

  409. I have NEVER held to the stance of “wait on kids, live your life, have a career.” And not because I was raised to be that way either! God put the desire in my heart to be a wife and mother from the earliest point I can remember! All I’ve ever wanted was to invest my heart in my family, and be a wonderful wife and mother. When I hear the negativity, or people who think 2 is ENOUGH! It just breaks my heart. They are missing the point! Missing the BLESSINGS! THANK YOU for this article! blessed my heart 🙂

    1. I have only two children – and we are done – according to what we think God is calling our family to. I think they are wonderful, amazing blessings from God. I also have received countless other blessings from the Lord – even prior to my children, which were born in my late twenties by choice! You do not know what God has communicated to families that no longer want to bear or adopt children. But I do believe God calls each family to a specific purpose and mission. It is not your responsibility to judge or feel sorry for a different kind of family than yours – it is just as judgmental as the position against having many children at a young age. You are only to expect fellow Christians to live their whole lives to further God’s kingdom – that may look different for my family than yours.

  410. Loved this blog. I wanted children at the age of 3 when my baby brother was born. Due to a tragic event at the age 11 I became fearful of men and never dated…all the while envying those who had children and felt it would never come to me. I started counseling on my 31st birthday and 9 years later met and married my husband 3 months prior to age 40 and became pregnant with my 1st who is now three years old. I never doubted that God would give me a healthy baby on both pregnancies. I have heard the same and numerous other negative remarks regarding my pregnancies and babies. I was actually asked on my first within the 1st month if I knew how to prevent that…appalled. Our culture is so anti babies and stay at home moms that give endlessly to the betterment of their children. I had my second son on my mothers birthday 10/18/12, 3 months after turning 43. All this to say, regardless of my age God has been faithful in blessing me with 2 beautiful boys and has restored what the enemy tried to steal. Thank you for reminding me that God blessed Sarah in old age with Isaac. As for the celebrities, though they look like they have it all…..I don’t know one that is home with their children raising them themselves….instead they pay a nanny full time to be there for the long haul and then they just get the benefit of being called mom without all the sacrifices. Just another misconception is how great their lives are. Thanks again for this blog

  411. I’m currently a PhD student in the biomedical sciences and I can tell you first hand of the pressure that exists. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 2 years after a miscarriage. It is so hard, I pray that one day God will bless us with children, but in the meantime it is so difficult. I face all the typical emotional challenges of trying to conceive while at the same time I’m bombarded with the professional aspects, why would anyone in their right mind go for a PhD only to really want to be a stay at home mom. Its illogical to most people and really illogical to those in graduate school. It is incredibly difficult to keep on going. Its amazing how comments from even health care professionals who are trying to offer some comfort stress the importance of my degree and how it may not be the best idea to introduce a baby into the current situation. Maybe they are right and that’s why God simply hasn’t blessed us yet.

    I thank all those mom’s out there who struggled to conceive and maintain a pregnancy for their encouragement and I also ask those who were blessed with many children to be considerate of others who experience more difficult times. Honestly I must say the most hurtful comments have come not from the professionals who think its crazy to want to have kids before finishing a degree, but from those moms out there who cannot comprehend the struggles of trying. So please weigh your words carefully. We are just as mature as you, we just have been blessed with different life experiences.

  412. Dear Courtney, I do agree with most of what you have said, children are a blessing, and anyone who receives such a gift should thank the Lord everyday. But, I feel that as a parent or future parent you owe it to your children to be prepared before you start having them. Young parents should keep some very important things in mind…Can you afford the medical expenses that comes with having a baby? Even if you have insurance there will be co-pays and deductibles . Do you have a stable home for your baby to come home to, and then the cost of raising children, and all the things they need is outrageous. So when my young friends are talking about starting families I always ask them these questions. The WORST thing that can happen, is to have a child and then regret it.

    1. I’ve heard this a lot. Funny thing is that when God blessed me with biological children we were at our lowest. My husband had just lost his job when we found out after 9 years of waiting that we were going to be blessed with baby number 1. Now we are still not totally secure financially, but here we are almost 3 years later expecting our 2nd miracle. We already have 5 that we adopted from foster care when we had a good stable job. God has provided for us over and over again. Yes, we have had lean times, we don’t always get to do the fun stuff. My kids need a stable home, loving parents, guidance towards God, and love. We provide all of that.
      I guess at some point you have to just believe God is who He says He is and will provide for you! I know our money situation will improve. We have plans and goals. However, I am 34yo and struggled with infertility for far too long to limit it because we don’t have a lot of money right now. If God wants to make me a fertile myrtle during this time period I”m not going to tell Him, no, I just can’t afford it right now. 🙂

  413. As a man, I am truly inspired by the post and it did bring tears to my eyes. My wife and I just had our 1st, and he is 10 months old. I must say that I believe every word!

    Great post!

  414. Honestly, I can admit I have been ‘poisoned’ by the backward world. I hate the fact that I spent so much time and trial getting my college degree, just to end up as a “stuck” at home mom, as I call it. ( I know I sound terrible but I am being honest). =/ I have heard so many times comments like “You COULD have done more BUT…” or “You had so much potential.” or “You’re not doing anything with your life but getting married and having kids.” And these are comments from my own family! When I announced that I was pregnant with #3 (who was not anticipated) I got comments like “Condoms, woman!” or “Oh no!” or “You’re done, right?”

    With those words stuck in my head, my bitterness swells when the days are hard (and they all are). My almost 6 year old is being her defiant self, my toddler is screaming about everything and the baby (3 months) is crying and fighting his sleep. I’m human, and I don’t go through crappy days like this with a smile plastered on my face and sunshine emanating from my body. lol I feel stuck, I feel alone, I feel bored, and I feel like a failure. I don’t find joy in motherhood and am still looking for the blessing in all this. “Gosh, you’re heartless!” <— Is that what anyone reading this is thinking? Maybe, because I often think it about myself. ALL my children are strong willed and difficult, and none of them are good sleepers. I'm TIRED! I wouldn't be able to handle a fourth. No way, Jose. I can't handle three as it is. I told my husband, "no glove, no love!"

    I KNOOOOOOW this is FAR from the heart God wants me to have towards mothering. I know, I know I know. But I am being honest. =(

    1. Carissa, thank you for your heartfelt honesty. All I could think about while reading your comment was, “I know how you feel.” I think a lot of moms feel what you are feeling but are too afraid to admit it. There have been several times where my husband and I have said that on the hard days, the only reason we believe our children are blessings is because the Bible says so. It IS hard. We have three kids – 2 1/2 years old, 17 months old and 3 months old. Just typing out their ages tires me out haha 😉

      My husband and I married before our senior year of college and I became pregnant with our first four months later. I understand what you mean about not using your degree. I majored in Bible and Psychology and used to wrestle with what the purpose of my education was since I won’t be working professionally. We have strong convictions for me to be a stay at home mom. The Lord let me realize that my education IS being used – I’ve been equipped with incredible knowledge about how to raise children right. THIS is where my education is being used. I’m not making money from my degree, but I’m equipped more fully to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids. We also are a “ministry family” I guess you could say and ultimately desire to plant a church. And that’s where my Bible education is used and will continue to be used.

      I don’t know what your degree is in, but there may be different ways of utilizing it instead of working. I hope that encourages you. Something that helps me to remain grateful is reading blogs by women who’ve lost children. It’s puts my perspective back in the right place because I realize that in a moment all of this could be taken away. That would be far more difficult to deal with than the hardest days we have with our children.

      I know you are not heartless. Thank you for your openness. It took a lot of guts for you to share what you did. You are not alone. If you don’t mind, I would love to pray for you for strength, perseverance and rest.

    2. Clarissa, I totally know where you’re coming from. It’s been more than just a few years now, but I went from college (where I was known by all, held many important positions, and was expected to make a splash in the world) immediately into marriage and motherhood. (Darn that falling in love thing!) I so remember having little ones so close together, how frustrating it is, — how you can just taste what “the other life” would have been like. On some days especially! This time you’re going through is so challenging! Sometimes i don’t know how I got through it — but I’m awfully glad I did, because the reward really are so much better than any of my work-a-day girlfriends from college was — and has turned out to be these years later! My oldest baby is 25 now and just gave me a grandbaby — You wanna talk about payoff! And my youngest is 7 — I’m much more able to relax and enjoy with him. You find out what’s worth stressing over and what’s not. You’ll see. :0)

      What has helped me a lot: Regardless of what the world says or seems to think, your job as a wife and mother is the most important one in society. Think of motherhood as a vital-to-the-universe career and you may have a shift in perspective. Your children represent (they actually ARE) the building blocks of a better world. Unlike the desk-jockeys out there, your results are eternal.

      Another thing that helps past the day-to-day worries (which you’ll have no matter what) of “am I doing this right? am I totally fouling up my kids?” is best said by Maya Angelou, I think: “Children may forget what you say or what you do, but they’ll never forget the way you make them feel.” Hug and kiss. A lot. Say I love you fifty times a day. Smile. Do your best to have fun with your family. Sometimes it’s hard! So, when it’s just impossible and the kids just won’t cooperate, minimize the damage, write off the bad, take a bubble bath, then have a glass of wine when your hubby gets home and the kids are in bed — then find a way to laugh at the bad day and plan for a regrouping tomorrow. Don’t let one bad day spoil another for you.

  415. Something, or rather “SomeONE” has been tugging at my heart to chime in. Please, Please let Melanie know that her child is a blessing – from someone who is childless. No, no medical or other reasons; it just isn’t my time yet. I just celebrated my 28th birthday and am now further from motherhood than ever before. Becoming a Mom has been my main desire for as long as I can remember but I am sitting here today, single, relationshipless, no prospects on the horizion; and both of my brothers happily married with children of their own. My sisters-in-law are the same age as I. God has His own plan for all of us and I can’t express the envy I have towards all new mothers. God chose to bless Melanie with a new little life: one of God’s OWN children for her to bring into this world. It is the most remarkable gift and I hope that she will always be able to see that.

  416. I remember being so happy to get married and being appalled when Christian sisters would talk disparagingly about their husbands. They bemoaned having to spend extra time with their husband when he had time off of work. The couldn’t wait to get “back to their routine” after he went back to work again. Then came pregnancy and child rearing, and the it was more of the same song, second verse. Children were a gift from the Lord on one had, but a pain to be endured until school was in session again on the other. Then we adopted, and it wasn’t a simple newborn adoption of a Caucasian child – we adopted a toddler from foster care, with known drug problems. I had one sister in Christ ask me incredulously, “How can you take on someone else’s problem? You are going to ruin your child’s life! (biological child)” The comments of support for married people, parents, and even adoption, are too few and too far between. Negative comments are the easy, throw away things to say. I’m guilty of this myself! True encouragement and support take more time and thought.

    1. Thank you so much for taking in a child who is not a white newborn. What you did is necessary. I wish there were more families brave enough to do it.

      “How can you take on someone else’s problem?” Well, how can one ignore someone else’s plight?

  417. A loud AMEN in agreement.
    We did that world thing and waited five years after we were married to have our first child. That is the only regret I have after 28 years of marriage. Children are the greatest blessing to a couple…God’s gift…
    We were blessed with 9 children..5 here and 4 miscarried and in heaven, but, just as loved.
    Not only did we hear all those comments, “Another one?”, “Don’t you know what causes that?”, but we also took in my mother almost 12 years ago. She is 90 now. When she first moved in people couldn’t believe we wouldn’t just ‘put’ her somewhere.
    The very young and the very old. It is sad how the ‘world’ responds. But as for my family, we choose to serve the Lord.
    Thanks for sharing and making the journey brighter!
    God bless!

  418. I experienced just the opposite in my 20’s. The pressure to have babies. The pressure to find a mate. I had a career, it was the consolation prize. Now that I have my mate & my babies; I’m glad I had something to occupy my time (career)… but nothing beats the grand prize (family). The world is always so negative no matter what you’re doing. When you start dating they say, “when you gonna get married”. When you get married, they say, “when you gonna have a baby”. When you have a baby they say, “you going to have another one?”. I had 2 boys, so I always get, “you going to try for a girl?” I’m thankful for each blessing & grateful that I know Christ as my savior, my friend, my Lord. Nothing beats that relationship.

  419. I agree and disagree. I married far too young (19) and had children at 19,20,21,24. I found out I had PCOS after I had my third child (I miscarried the first and had lots of issues with all of my pregnancies). I don’t think people should wait until they are 30, but I certainly hope my daughters will NOT do what I did. If my husband passed away I would have no way to support my family. I have no family that lives anywhere near me. Going to college isn’t the worst thing ever… if you go when you are 18 or 19 and graduate when you are 22 or 23 you are still very young and have a backup plan should anything happen to your husband. I hope my daughters will follow my advice and go to college. I’m sorry but most people no matter how mature they are, are NOT ready for children 19 or 20 years old.

    1. I hate to say it, but many 25 – 30 year old women have not the maturity to marry and raise children, either. It’s more a function of their raising, their temperament, and their *will* to be good spouses and good parents than their ages.

      1. That’s true too. I guess I felt like everyone here was assuming that going to college is not an option if you want to have kids. I’m trying to get a nursing degree now that I have 3 kids and it’s hard. Really hard. If I could go back and do it again I would have gone to college first. Mostly because I wasn’t strong enough (or experienced) to handle the many health issues I faced and I didn’t demand answers from crappy doctors because I didn’t know any better.

  420. One day I was in line at the grocery store with my 4 week old in the cart. A man came up and said: “He is handsome. Just wait until he cusses you out every Friday because you won’t give him the car keys.” My response: “That would only be possible ONCE.” Of course, I was horrified, but pleased that I could try and convey that I know my kids won’t be perfect, but I have a responsibility and I take it seriously.

    I have to say that one of my biggest regrets in life was that I didn’t have my children when I was younger. I met my husband when I was 34, married at 35, and had kids at 37 and 39. When I think about how precious my time is with them I wish I could live to 150. I too, had a miscarriage and was amazed at how few people will talk about it. I had a supervisor call it, “a medical mishap” during an evaluation. I went off at her and reported her to her supervisor.

    I believe that these children await us in heaven. I found reading the book, “Heaven is for Real” to be quite comforting along those lines.

    Truth be told, I have said some of those things that you speak of. Not to be mean, but because for some reason, it seemed clever and funny to say to someone who is having their 5th “You know what causes that.” Now I understand how it can hurt and won’t do it again. But I have to say that many comments are not meant with an evil spirit. They are unintentionally hurtful. That is not to excuse the speaker, but to instead, put a different spin on it.

  421. I just want to respectfully say that while it’s not right for someone to look at a large family and ask “Wow, another one?”, it’s also *just as wrong* for someone to look at a one- or two-child family and ask, “When are you going to have another one?”

  422. truth is? I hate the negativity -but I also hate the ridiculous positivity. I am infertile – can’t get pregnant, and think adoption is an amazing blessing. But at the same time? babies are not all lollipops and rainbows. Raising kids is HARD!!! This isn’t a spring picnic. so when someone says, “just wait” I say I know. Been there, Done that! I empathize with people instead of judging them as “negative nellies” because I know its not easy. I was widowed with a 1 yr old when I was 21. He wasn’t planned, but more than welcome. I managed extremely well – and have had a chance to go back to college and now? I’m the director of a Corporation and I support my family. I’ve remarried, and since then, haven’t been able to have any more kids. But guess what? I’ve got a 16 yr now who is amazing – top of his class, goes to church every Sunday, is planning a mission in our religion, isn’t into sex, drugs, porn, etc. And I did that by dealing with the reality of raising kids. I didn’t create false expectations in my mind. Motherhood has its blessings, and I love being a mom – but I also love the fact that motherhood isn’t a romp through the fields of a fabric softener commercial. In truth? this is about moderation in all things. Be grateful for the crappy times, the stinky time, the times you want to curl up on the floor and cry. Because without all of the negative stuff in “opposite world” you can’t appreciate the good stuff.

  423. I don’t feel like this post defends the “to each her own” sentiment as much as it advocates that women who wait to marry or have children are living in an ungodly “Opposite World.” I am a Christ-follower who is fully convinced and confident that my steps have been ordered by the Lord. However, I live in this so-called “Opposite World”; I got married at about 30, and I’m having kids into my mid-30s. I love every bit of my life, particularly because I’ve been able to accomplish what the Lord wanted me to do, which has included higher education, career, and travel. I fulfilled my calling by listening to His voice and not that of the mainstream church that criticizes women for being “worldly.” In contrast, many of my closest and most fulfilled friends did get married and had many kids earlier in life. They, too, followed the Lord’s leading in their lives, and they are as fulfilled as I am. It’s both/and, not either/or.

    Bottom line: It’s dangerous to put limitations on anyone, especially when we serve such a creative God.

  424. Thank you for this post! I read the article by Rachel Jankovic that you quoted and it resonated deep with me. What incredible wisdom!

    We have three kids – 2 1/2 years old, 17 months old and 3 months old. We’ve had some really hard days. When we bought the pregnancy test for our SECOND the cashier looked at us holding our 7 month old and said, “Are you ready for another?” Seriously?? Anyway, during my pregnancy with our third we got other comments and the infamous, “Do you know what causes this?” To which I want to respond, “Yes, and it’s a lot of fun!” We usually get, “Your hands are full!” And I usually respond with, “Not as full as my heart!”

    We tell our kids that we asked God for them and that He answered our prayers by giving them to us. I’ll say, “Did you know that the Bible says you are a blessing? A blessing is a present. YOU are a present from God for me and Daddy.” It fills me with so much joy to see the big smile that our sons get when we tell them these words 😀

  425. Personally, how I read your friend’s original status update was not that her friends were saying “wait on having children”, but a more trying to be friendly/empathizing/experience sharing “my feet really hurt for a long time” or “it was hard to take off the weight I gained”.

  426. Children truly are a blessing and it doesn’t matter if you “wait”or have them right away, sometimes all your planning is DIFFERENT than what the Lords plans anyhow. I never realized this until I experienced 2 pregnancy losses last year.

  427. Loved this. And all the comments, too!

    My husband and I had our first baby in 1987 and our last in 2007. There are eight children between these two. And we homeschool. Let me, tell ya: we’ve heard it all! Folks stopped sharing their childbirth horror stories with me years ago, because we’ve experienced it all, from preemies, to preeclampsia, to c-sections, to v-backs, to still-births. I only share my stories if asked, and always add the caveat that we accept all the blessings — as well as the difficulties — as gifts from God. We’ve grown stronger and smarter through it all. Women who get on horror story jags with expectant mothers who do not specifically ask for the information, should have to sit through detailed descriptions of someone else’s colonoscopy as a punishment. And then required to make an appointment for one.

    But, about children in general, with so many, you’d have to guess we’ve had more than our share of comments, a lot negative, but much positive, too. We could usually predict the kind of reactions we’d get depending on where we were — and how many of the children we had with us, at what time of day. Go to the museum in the middle of the day with all the kids, you’ll usually get snide remarks. It seems older, educated, white middle class women are the worst. Go figure that, huh? Walmart, though, almost any time (here in rural America), we usually get sweet comments (particularly because we’ve trained the children to behave well — they walk in single-file behind Mom and don’t touch things).

    Funny thing, though — it seems comments and reactions are generally more positive now in 2013 than in the nineties and early two thousands, regardless of where we go these days — even with six or so kids in tow. I’m not sure if the celebrity big family thing has worn off some of the taboo in recent years — or if I’ve just got a look now that says: Don’t. Even. ;0) But, I can also say that it really doesn’t bother me much any more, either.

    My children are their own reward, and truth be told: if you’ve got ten kids, you either have a sense of humor or end up in the nut house. It helps to have pat answers on hand, too, though. For “You certainly have your hands full!” (wish I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard that!), answer “Better than empty!” For “Don’t you know what causes that?” answer, “No, you’d better explain it to me.” For folks who just stop and stare at us, if I’m in a puckish mood, I tell them that I currently only have about half of my kids with me — and then laugh at their expression (we all laugh). If the timing is around political elections, I like to explain that I’m filling the voting booths from the ground up — for my party. If someone is particularly snarky, I tell them I’m sorry their children (if they have any) have made them so bitter, because mine are the joy of my life. If a snarky one doesn’t have kids, I sympathize with them, because they don’t know the joy and love they’re missing.

    But there are many who do know about that love and joy — and who stop and talk to us, and marvel over the children and agree that they’re a blessing. Heaven listens and nods and smiles at these exchanges, and the world is that much more grace-filled. It takes a hundred bad comments to outweigh the good in the balance of these — and in the simple fact of the children’s presence in this world — that needs wholesome, loved, giving people brought into it. Which is my job, snarky children-haters — and I’m proud of it!

  428. Enjoy your children. 🙂 I would love to be a momma. It hasn’t happened for me and my husband yet, and it’s been almost three years. It’s hard to hear “it happens in God’s time”, when I’m seeing all these people have kids that are so negative about it…but I’m trying to be patient..So reading about families who love their kids was refreshing. God bless yall!

  429. It’s so funny…It used to be that I wanted the career, the house the dreams etc. I thought “I don’t have enough” now all I think is that I wish I had a little one already. My husband and I have been having trouble and it does not get easier to handle as you walk through it. It is such a heartbreaking thing to walk through. I wish someone had told me this a few years ago. I only had the voice of the nation speaking into me instead of the truth. Or maybe the truth was in me but I just wouldn’t listen to it.

  430. Great article. I’m not a mother, but someday I would like to be one. I have had lots of training with babies growing up, for I am the third child of nine kids. My mom is amazing. She has had nine kids, including one with special needs, and as a family we have had our share of negativity in the past. Despite all that though, I still want to have a big family of my own one day. We are now exploring the option of foster care.

  431. It’s amazing to me how people see having children nowadays. I have a cousin who has one child and she only considered having another one because the one she has wants a sibling. Not because she wanted another one. She wants to have the time to party and be free from a child that relies on her all the time. I gave birth to a gorgeous little girl in January 2013 and she is just a miracle. A gift from God. I look at her and see my world in her eyes. I didn’t get married till I was 26 and we had difficulty getting pregnant but I am proud to say it happened before I turned 30. The negativity I got for having one wasn’t so bad because I was older already when I got pregnant but I know the more we have, the negativity will grow. I would like 5 children and I know because of my religion, I will get comments like “Well she’s pregnant again” or “she is having another one.” and they won’t be kind comments. They think in my religion that women are only to have lots of kids and its a typical thing. Like us women don’t have a choice. We have to have a lot because of the religion we are members of. I really liked this!! Thank you for writing this and letting women know it’s okay to have kids even if you don’t have a career yet or have finished school. Don’t wait! If you can have children and you want them, have them. Don’t wait because society tells you to.

  432. I got married at 20. We wanted children right away. It has been 3 years and no no children have come to our family yet but we look forward to the day that they make their appearance. Some days that is hard but I know that how many children and when we are blessed with them depends on the Lord and his plan for our family. Weather that is meant to be many children or just one, I know that as long as I am trying to do what He wants our family will be the size that He wants is to be.

  433. I believe every person should be able to make the choices that are best for them or their family without judgment from others. That said, this comes across as slightly judge-y of women who DO choose to have a career and save having babies for later in life. Some career paths simply do not jive with getting married or having children at a young age (I work long hours, and move to a new city every 5-6 months). I believe God has given me talents and passions that I need to utilize. Why should I ignore that and become a slave to my “biological clock?” What if (heaven forbid) something happens to a spouse and you are suddenly reduced to one, or worse, no income? Personally I am glad to know that I have a degree and career experience that would allow me to provide for a family.

    What if one of your daughters came to you, her eyes shining, and said, “I want to go to film school. I want to travel around the world and meet new people and tell amazing stories.” Would you encourage her to follow her dreams? Or would you say, “Honey, that’s nice, but right now you need to think about finding a husband and having babies”?

  434. I just had my sixth child. I stay home with my kids. I do believe that I “have it all”. At least, I have what I have always wanted. I am a wife and a mother and that’s all I really ever wanted to be. I did finish college. I was 25 when I had my first child, which is why our children are so close together. I wanted to have at least six children, and since I didn’t get married until I was 24, we decided to have them all as soon as we could.

    Personally, I don’t know what “having it all” really means. Motherhood and homemaking IS my career. In that respect, I do have it all. I have all that I ever wanted.

  435. I heard it all! All the negativity about pregnancy and whatnot. But I am still dealing with it. I am the mother of 7, yes 7, beautiful girls. I love all my girls and would not change anything. And if I had not had medical issues that stopped me from having more I might be expecting #8. All I hear is how crazy I am and how they can’t understand why I would want so many kids. They are my life and my soul. I’m sorry if my choice makes someone else uncomfortable, but whether you have/want 1 or no children or you have many children, I think that is a choice that should be up to the individual family and NO ONE should make anyone else feel like they are wrong for their choices.

  436. I just wanted to share the opposite experience I have been having recently. My husband and I have been married 3 1/2 years and desperately desire to be parents, but God has not allowed it to be our reality up to this point. I have gotten many comments like, “What are you waiting for?” and “You’ll never have enough money.”, etc…. And sometimes I get a disapproving look from someone who thinks we’re preventing it, when they ask how long we’ve been married and find out I don’t have kids. They don’t stop to think/ ask if we desire to have children, they just assume the worst. It often breaks my heart, because I always feel the lack of not having a little one of my own.

    I guess we live in a fallen sinful world, so it should be expected that people will always have a word to say or they won’t think before they speak. It doesn’t make it easy though….

    Not sure why I wrote this, other than to say it happens on both sides of the equation, I suppose. 🙂

  437. I actually appreciate the negative comments. I really appreciated people who weren’t sprinkling glitter and rainbows all around as I was living with my head in the toilet for 9 months. I mean, it didn’t really feel “worth it”. It didn’t feel worth it when I was thinking to myself that if I had to go throw up one more time that day, that I was going to drown myself in that toilet instead. That I would rather be DEAD than feeling that miserable, who cared what the rest of the day held much less the rest of my pregnancy. I appreciated the comfort that I felt that I wasn’t broken or a horrible person for not even caring If I woke up the next morning, or if there even WAS a baby at the end of that horrible nightmare.

    I don’t think it’s really nice to rain all over your baby excitement parade, but even if you have kids and love them, I think it’s healthy to be open about it being a hard and uncomfortable experience. Because a road may appear a difficult one, doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be taken. I think being open about the fact that it is a hard road shows how ennobling of a road that it is to be traveled. It is a challenge that we should all rise to.

  438. I wholeheartedly agree that our culture undervalues motherhood and that women often enter hostile territory when they take their children out into the world. But please let’s not forget about the pain and heartache experienced by those who cannot have children (like me). Just as people can be thoughtless and unkind in their comments toward mothers, they can also be thoughtless and unkind toward women who don’t have any children.

    I have heard things like “Don’t you know that children are a blessing from the Lord?”, and “What does a career have to do with having children and raising a family?” One message that my church (both directly and indirectly) communicated to me while I was growing up was that my worth rested primarily on my role as mother. When I found out that I would never have children, I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose and meaning. It took a long time for me to realize the truth that being made in God’s image and redeemed by His Son was my ultimate source of purpose and meaning.

    Regardless of whether we are mothers, married, or single, our sense of worth as Christian women should ultimately come from who we are in Christ. This truth will enable us to better serve and uplift one another in the church–childless women serving mothers, single women supporting childless women, mothers encouraging single women.

  439. Today my ObGyn phoned to confirm my pregnancy (YIPPEE!!) and asked, “Will you be going ahead with the pregnancy?” My reply: “Killing my baby has NEVER been an option for me.” The poor woman was so stunned – I don’t think that’s a reaction she’s ever had here in NYC. My first negative baby comment! It’s a hostile world out there for babies, born and unborn, and I’m so honoured that God trusted me with one of His little ones.

    1. Wow, that is shocking to me that it is now standard practice to ask if you “will be going ahead with the pregnancy?” Wow, what a horrible thing to ask someone on such a special occasion. I hope this OBGYN changes the way she runs her practice. Congratulations, Jules.

  440. I bought the lies too and I was queen of opposite world until my late 30s. I had a few reasons other than career, but it was mostly selfishness that I bought into. I had my daughter at 40 after a disastrous pregnancy (pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, emergency c-section) so I was unable to have another child. Yes, she changed my life, my mind, my body and everything else about me and I am a better woman because of it. I feel so blessed because I could have lost my change easily. Oh and funny thing, all my friends who had oops babies in their 20s are enjoying their grandchildren now and I think they see things a lot differently. The other funny thing is that my mom who had me at 20 taught me the lies of what she (coulda, woulda, shoulda) and she was the first one to be shocked that I could leave my daughter in a daycare. I didn’t know any different by then. All of my friends were career women and their kids were fine! I did leave the workforce when she was five and began my wonderful journey as a stay at home mom. Now, I’m a stay at home homeschool mom. I’m not saying you can’t work and raise kids…it happens every day but it is hard.

  441. I think the bigger issue at large brought to light by this post is the nature of individuals to be critical of others’ Godly choices. My husband and I have been married almost 4 years, and regularly pray and discuss having children. However, we have not taken that step yet, especially as we recently went through a very difficult financial situation. If we found out we were pregnant tomorrow, we would be overjoyed, but it’s simply not something we are trying for yet. I would never discourage or look down on the many wonderful mothers I’m surrounded by daily. Still, I get frustrated by those that consistently ask when it’s my turn, and act as though I’m not a true wife until I bear children to my husband. We as Christians need to encourage one another, not criticize and compare based on God’s timing in our lives.

  442. what a blessing to hear this article! Getting married at 18, having kids right away and having 3 of them in just 2 1/2 year sure put dear Hubbie and me under so much fire from others. I can’t count the times that people lectures us about this or that and most of it negative. Thankfully I grew up in an extended family which had large families and was always saying how children were a blessing. But “opposite world” had a lot to say as well. “aren’t you too young?” nope. “you should wait!” Why? “don’t you want to have fun first?” doing what? the stuff we like doing can involve kids. “have you given this much thought?” yes. have you given my pregnancies much thought, random stranger or obscure aquaintance? “This is your last, right?” nope.

    Even though 3 kids in 2 1/2 years wasn’t our plan we were very excited every time. God had good things in store for us. However, my body was tired and dear Hubbies job took a plummet so we decided we needed a break. Birth control didn’t work for us anyway so we decided to do something more permanent…and you know what? that was totally ok. And you know what else? We felt ok about it even though we wanted more kids. God had layed it on our heart to adopt. The thought of a child wiht no stable family is heartbreaking and the thought that we could be that family is exilorating!
    Whether you have 1 kid, 10 kids or no kids the truth still stands. Children are a heritage of the Lord!

  443. I like this post for the most part, I do agree that you shouldn’t be looked down on for having children a bit younger. But About the multiplying thing I completely disagree. It is selfish to have so many children as the world is overpopulated already. More people is more pollution so you are actually killing God’s green earth by having that many kids. just saying…

  444. Thank you for the encouraging post. I am getting married in a month and this subject has definitely been an area in which God has had to work on…

  445. Awesome article! This cannot describe more how I feel. I received so many negative comments from people during my pregnancy. “Say goodbye to your sleep.” “Just wait, you will be begging to be induced in a few weeks.” Plus, many more horrible comments “preparing” me for the “worst” parts of motherhood. With a 5 month old, I can honestly say that the worst part of motherhood so far has been leaving my baby to go back to work. I LOVED being pregnant and I LOVE being a mom. I will always try to make sure to tell young, pregnant girls how much fun they are about to have!!!

  446. When my husband and I were first married (I was 20, he was 21) I worked 4 minimum wage jobs, on top of serving my country as a reservist, and still could barely make rent, my husband had trouble finding work because he was grieving the sudden loss of his father. Then I got sick (without health insurance) and couldn’t work. We ended up evicted and in debt. Luckily his grandparents took us in until he joined the military. Where we are stationed, the closest relative is 500 miles away (which is his disabled mother), the rest our family is 2000 miles away on the other side of the country. If we have a child there will be no grandma and grandpa there in the delivery room cheering us on or dropping by to help. He’s been deployed twice, and will likely be deployed again before the end of this year. When he has deployed all of our friends went with him. It is a very real possibility that if I get pregnant he’ll be gone when it comes time to deliver… and what family we do have that would be willing to help isn’t financially able to do so. Imagine that thought for a moment- going through the last half of a pregnancy alone, with nobody in a 500 mile radius- giving birth alone, driving home from the hospital alone, spending up to the first year of your child’s life alone while your husband is in a war zone.

    We’ve been married for 5 1/2 years now, we don’t have any children. Looking back, it’s a blessing that we haven’t had any children yet… not because life has been a non-stop thrill ride of parties and spa days and reckless selfish abandon… quite the opposite. We’ve had all we can handle as it is just trying to take care of each other. Children are a blessing, with that I agree… however when God’s already given you all you can handle, it’s also a blessing that He doesn’t throw more on the plate. Not everyone who is without children are that way because they’re vain selfish, self serving, frivolous, consumers who live with their head in the clouds in the imaginary land of “opposite world”. Some of us are just honest hard working folks who are trying our hardest to get by as it is.

    1. My husband is in the military too. We have 3 kids and one on the way and he is currently deployed overseas in an area that I can only write letters to him, and he will not be home for another year and the baby I am due with in August will be 8 months before he sees her. I have gone through two and a half pregnancies and given birth twice with no one to help me, and i’m doing it again. The first time he left I was terrified of what could happen, but I believe God blessed me with the strength to carry on. Everyone’s circumstances are different, I know, but it is not impossible. You just have to pick your self up and have faith in yourself that you can do it! It is scary, but having children is such a comfort on those lonely days/nights. They are a blessing I could never take back.

    2. Please know that it is hard but not impossible. Also, there is a doula group that offers to pay for a doula should your spouse be deployed during your pregnancy/birth. No, it’s not the same as gaving your hubby there, but there are options. Our 2nd was born while my hubby was deployed in 2003.
      thank you for your service and his. God bless!!

  447. “how am I supposed to fit in aerobics, spa days, girls shopping trips and “me time” when I have children that need me 24/7.”

    Instead of aerobics, spa days, and girls’ shopping trips, try 12 credits this semester, counseling, and the excess sleep my body seems to require due to disability. Having babies isn’t half as simple a decision as this article makes it out to be. I have a choice: I can get the degree(s) for a career of service to those who have nothing, or I can marry someone who wants me to be who I’m not and only get to serve a few people who have plenty already.

    Opposite World, to me, is the world where I should have to be ashamed that I want to give my best to the calling I hear.

  448. Waiting to raise children is a big crock! If you find the right man at a young age, grab him because God put him there for you! Don’t “wait for the right person”. Why are we waiting? What are we waiting for? and having children? Personally, I had my first child at 23 and my youngest at 32. That pregnancy at 32 was far more difficult than my first. My body ached, my appointments were more difficult, recovery was far more lengthy. I don’t see why someone would want to wait. We are more fertile when we are young for a reason! Children have been the biggest blessing to our marriage (and one of the biggest struggles), and worth every minute of it.

  449. My first pregnancy ended in stillbirth at 28 weeks…I NEVER tired of being pregnant, although I said with my last one, “God definitely has let me know when enough is enough!” Thank you for your encouragement. I DO have long, hard days with my kiddos, as all mothers do. And I DO enjoy a break. But I wouldn’t trade this life for the world. I’ve held onto the saying many days, “The days are long but the years are short.” This is most likely the last time I’m going to have a 13-month-old loving on me, teething, wanting no one but me. I’m trying so hard to cherish it!

  450. I was so happy to read this article! I got married at 26 & had my first child at 29. My pregnancy was VERY difficult, but to me it was joy filled! I even had surgery at 15 weeks, rehospitalized 2 weeks later, had over 20 platelet transfusions, was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 6 months & ultimately got HELLP syndrome & delivered a perfect baby girl via c-section at 35 weeks. I get so mad when people say to me “just wait…you’ll see”. I’ll see what exactly? My baby girl is now 9 months & I am grateful for her each & every day. There were many days when doctors thought she wouldn’t make it, but I always knew I would see her smiling face in my arms. Caring for her is a blessing – not a chore. I’ve been asked if I want another & my answer is always yes! Some people can’t believe that I’d risk having another baby after all I went through to bring Chloe into this world. But the plan God has for my family is not known by any man.

  451. We have six. My husband always said when we heard the silly comments about how it takes $100,000 to raise a child – “you don’t have to write the check all at once.” (It’s not true, anyway.) I think a day at the park with kids is more fun than a day in a spa or a casino or constantly eating out.
    He also told people that there’s no such thing as waiting until you are financially prepared because our times are in God’s hands, and a couple could have $20,000 in the bank and a lot of “stuff” and lose it all, lose a good job, get sued, get terminally ill – whatever – we have to trust God to provide, and He always has. When I went to the park with my best friend who had five, people thought we were a day-care center. What makes me saddest is the young folks who are afraid to have children – who have bought into the lie. No regrets for having six.

  452. We have 7 children. Several are adopted. I am constantly amazed/amused when the negative from having so many children suddenly changes to a positive when adoption is involved. It’s as if we are handed halos on the spot. People act like we are something special and NOT crazy because we “decided” to have so many. ??? If I could have physically had 7 I would have so why the double standard. I would have “decided” to have 7…shouldn’t I still get a Halo? I think so. 🙂

    1. I think, for me anyway — this is so heavily personal that it’s probably not many others — it’s the joy of seeing children who need families end up in families where they are wanted. My dad’s whole life was ruined because the people who took him beat him and let other unspeakable harm come to him. I don’t want that for any other child, and there are so many stuck in the system besides who are lonely for their forever homes. It’s special to me because you are thinking of those children when you think of the sanctity of all life and holding them sacred as well as any you might have.

  453. Thank you for reminding us that people are different and we need to careful about what we say. I think people tend to speak from experience, so if having kids has been a challenge for them, they are relating their personal feelings as if they were in the same situation. I started having kids when I was young and feel like I really was naive about what was to come, especially since my oldest turned out to have autism and will likely never live on his own. There is so much I wish I could tell my younger self, perhaps that’s what people are thinking when they say things to expectant mothers.

  454. I have three daughters, born 18 months apart. The youngest was born on my oldest girl’s third birthday. I was told by many doctors through the years I would not have any children, and yet God had three beautiful girls planned just for me! My boss was very supportive every time I’d have to tell him I was pregnant, and then he’d have to rearrange work schedules, but he never complained. My mother, on the other hand, was constantly telling me all the reasons it was a bad idea to get pregnant again so quickly. When times were tough through the diapers years, she would remind me that it was my lack of planning that had led to so many dirty diapers in such a short time frame. The constant negativity put a huge strain on our relationship. Now my girls are 17, 18, and 20, and there is no doubt at all that God knew what he was doing when he sent these three girls my way. On the other side, my mother and I are barely on speaking terms. When someone is already pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, negative comments don’t do any good at all. Christians do need to remember that children are a blessing, and we need to be happy for every blessing that comes into this world.

  455. I loved this post and have enjoyed reading the responses. I have four children (three boys and the youngest is a girl). I’ve heard it all, “don’t you know what causes that?”, “are they all yours?”, “you homeschool? but you’ll send them to high school, right?”, “I could NEVER do that (homeschool), my kids just drive me crazy”, “so you finally got your girl on try number four”. It IS amazing to me how rude people are. When I had a miscarriage after #2 child at the same time my sisterinlaw had a miscarriage with her first, my MIL said, “well, you’ll get over it, you already have two kids”.
    I also appreciated peoples comments that it’s “ok” to have kids young and close together. I was diagnosed with metistatic breast cancer at just 34, and Praise God, I’m cancer free now, but wouldn’t be able to have more children. I am so very thankful I had my children “young”.
    One more observation that I find interesting is that the negativism can go both ways. I see a lot of women waying they “only” have three or four children. In a culture of conservative homeschool Christians, we are almost made to feel guilty or like a lesser mother if you don’t have a very large family. I do wish that I could have had more children, and perhaps adoption will be in our future, but I will be thankful for “only” having the four God blessed me with!!! I still have my hands full. 🙂 LOL!

  456. My husband and I were high school sweet hearts and have been best friends and next door neighbors since we were 8 years old. He was in the army for my Jr. year of highschool and came back my senior year due to an injury. I had just turned 18 and had just been waiting for my birthday so we could get married. I was an excellent student and in the middle of my senior year so everyone was in total shock. Jess, you have such a future ahead of you why are you throwing it away? Are you pregnant? We can fix that. Well I wasn’t, but two months later I found out I was! I only had a few months of school left and honestly had finished all the “have to” classes, but I was called in and offered an abortion so I could go to college and make something of myself. All I ever wanted to be was a wife, mother, and serve the Lord so I let them know EXACTLY what I thought of that. My entire pregnancy was filled with.. “you wasted your life.” “you were on such a good path” “how could this have happened” “you’ll be ok'” even, “so sorry to hear if I can help let me know!” I felt so shamed at times not from an internal source, but from going to school each day and hearing how my life was over. Then after graduation at the grocery store. I was thrilled, my husband was thrilled and we have been GREAT parents through Gods grace. My children are now 11 and 9 and love the Lord as best they know how. I could have gone to college I was accepted into some very good ones, but more importantly God accepted me into his school of being a wife and mother! I later went to school for my ministery credentials and work as a youth pastor. I wouldn’t change the path I’ve walked for any other. By 22 I learned that it would not be good for me to have anymore children or we would have had many! If I would have waited and went off to do what others thought was my path who knows, but God knows exactly how to sculpt our lifes if we let Him!!

  457. This was wonderful. My husband and I got married young. I was one week away from turning 19 and he was 22. He was just starting his bachelors program. We had a honeymoon baby. We were so happy. I got a lot of crap from people. My grandma was really mad at me because I was making her a young great grandma. Then we had 4 kids all are 2 years apart. Everyone. Said we should be done with the first 2 because we had a girl and a boy. We both come very large families 13 and9. We both loved it. I alwasy wanted a lot of children. I have very hard pregnancies but I knew I would make it. I wanted to have the children God had for me. It now has been 4 years from our last and baby 5 is on her way. Because of how hard it is for me she is the last of our children I will give birth to. I know we have more they will just come to our family another way. Other then close family I have only had 1 person ever say something good about me wanting more. She asked how many children I had I said 4 for now Then I was all ready to hear it. She said well you do plan on more right? I love having children and I hope you have more. I started to cry. I wanted more so bad. At the time we were at the point of not having anymore. The baby I get to feel grow in me is a wonderful gift. I know the wonderful blessing I have of having children. My sister tried for over 7 years and with my last baby I went in to labor knowing a family member was in labor delivering her still birth little girl. My son was so hard he cried the day he was born and never stopped. But I loved every moment up with him. I knew that the other mom would give anything to have one night of holding her crying baby. Her loss and pain was my biggest blessing on making it threw those 3 years of not knowing why he was screaming and feeling so tired I did not what was was up. My children are my everything. I would not go change a thing about them being in my life.

  458. I have 3 children, 14 months between 1&2 and 14 months between 2&3. I was 21 when the first was born and 23 when the last was born. Now I have 9 grandchildren! I stayed home with my kids until they were in school then worked part time so I could be home when they got home. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything! And you know what? After they were grown, I finished my degree and now have a great career with great pay that even includes international travel! You can have it all; you just don’t have to have it all at once! Have those babies when you’re young and save the career for the second half of your life!

  459. Ugh. I’m so sorry- I think there are so many true and beautiful things that you have shared here. Like that God loves children. And that people need to stop with the negativity and keep their mouths shut:). I struggled through infertility and multiple miscarriages, played the role of foster mom, adopted a sweeeeeeet little boy and ended up giving birth to another son in the same year. I also have served in an executive role within an organization and am currently starting up a small business while staying at home with our two boys. All of that being said- I just need to say it: I HATED BEING PREGNANT. Yup- judge, but it’s true. Maybe it was the five months in a row that I was constantly vomiting. Or the MONTHS of work that I missed due to constant sickness. Or, it could have been the monthS I spent on bedrest just hoping to make it far enough that he would live if he was born. Maybe it was the absolutely terrifying day when the preeclampsia set in and I was forced to have an emergency c-section. All of it- totally worth it as I look in my precious son’s eyes, but I feel like someone needs to call bull on the whole thing. Motherhood is messy and confusing, frustrating and exhausting, dirty and raw. The emotions you feel at two AM- the sheer exhaustion that literally hurts. The irrational fights with your husband about the top shelf of the dishwasher and the fact that regardless of how good the bra- you’re boobs will never bounce back- and no matter how good the concealer, your eyes will never stop looking so tired. Or, for us with a premature baby with chronic lung disease, the terrifying moment when you realize your child cannot breathe and you need to call an ambulance. Those things have to be acknowledged. Those can’t just be swept under the rug or placated with a couple of feel-good sentences. They have to be acknowledged in all fullness. For if they are not acknowledged in fullness- the sheer beauty of motherhood cannot be understood. There has to be dark, in order for there to be light. There has to be a harsh winter in order for the beautiful spring to be seen. There has to be pain in order to have joy. Mothrrhood is one big beautiful mess.

    We’re done having kids. And there’s a part of me that mourns- it wasn’t by choice. But there’s also a part of me that’s relieved. It means I can enjoy the big, beautiful mess of motherhood I have right now. Some women love pregnancy and all things baby. Awesome. Blessing in that. But don’t think those of us who don’t love every minute are less-than godly mothers. We’re all just made differently;).

    I’m probably a little off topic, but this is the path that this article led me!! Thanks for the brain fodder. Blessings.

    1. I understand where you are at. I have 4 years between these two because of how sick I get. The thought of being pregnant would give me panic attracts. For me the only good part is feeling my baby moving but then that gets painful. All of my 4 had colic 2 of them had it from hell I get mastitis when I am expecting and many times when nursing and then the baby blues. My lat has lots of allergies he is almost 4 and I still get up most nights with him All my children are high energy one is autistic. I still love my life I am the one who has chose to go threw all the pain 5 times I just want others to let me choose my life in peace. Because of how hard it is on me we are done. Now I get how bad I am for saying I am done. Stopping God from sending us more. Well sorry I want to live for the ones I have. We do plan on adopting one. I am totally ok with not getting a baby. With the one I am expecting now I can’t think about those hard nights or I will cry. I think I do handle my life better then others would. Like my sister would bring her baby over to my house so I could stay up with her baby. I know how she feels and not sleeping is just part of my life. I do know most women do have great pregnancies and not all babies cry all the time I wish I could have one. I don’t think you are bad you just have it harder then some and can only take so much.

  460. My husband and I got married at 19. When we announced our engagement people said we were crazy. We got pregnant when I had 6 months of school left and I finish my program 6 months pregnant. I had our son the day before I turned 21. I didn’t party, I didn’t drink, but I got to hold my first child all night and discover what love is. This little baby looked at me and I knew that no amount of parting would compare to the joy he brought me. My close friends encouraged us and never put us down. They all tell us how good we are as parents. We are blessed to have our 4 month old son and to watch him grow each day. When we get asked how many we want I just say we will stop when the time is right. If we only have one then we have one, if we have more then we have more.

  461. When I was pregnant with my first, then taking care of a newborn, then a baby, then a toddler, it felt like all I heard was how much my life would change and how difficult it would be, and I should enjoy my freedom now, etc. All this from believers from my church! My coworkers (almost all non-believers) were so excited for me. It really is an opposite world. Where is the joy of the Lord and the peace that surpasses understanding? I pray that my children are always my delight and privilage (even as I struggle with my second little one who is 6 months old and still getting up ever 2 hours during the night). It’s so encouraging to hear from other women who are truly blessed to be momies! Thank you all for sharing. So uplifting!

  462. First I want to say that I’m not a mom, I would do anything to be a mom but, my life doesn’t seem to be heading in that direction. I was engaged when I was 17 but, due to some actions of the man I was with we never married. I’m now 22 and practically the crazy cat lady and many of the other stereotypes that a young single woman can be pretty well fit.
    Now on to why I’m posting, I’m not religious, nor do I have any problem with those who are as long as they don’t take issue with the fact I’m not. An I do believe children are a blessing, though maybe in a slightly different way than many of the comments I have read. Now I don’t intend to be rude, or inconsiderate but I wonder if any of the ladies here worry about the earth having become over populated? With having more than 2 children wouldn’t that contribute to world over population? Honestly I’m just curious of opinions here, one of the nicest and best families I know had 6 children (all girls) and three of the have already married one has a baby that should be here any day!
    I hope no one takes offense to this post as I don’t intend to offend or insult anyone. If anyone would like to give me their opinion, whether you be angry or just happy to share I’d like that!

  463. Thank you for this post. It’s very encouraging. I have 3 wonderful kids and got comments all the time when we lived in the States. “You’ve got your hands full” was a favorite, to which I replied “I love it!” I find it wild especially when my kids are NOT out of control or unruly. I view my kids as a blessing, and even more so now that I have had many miscarriages along the way. I now live in the UK and rarely get comments. For the most part people leave us alone, the stranger comments and chit chat are not the norm here. In fact, in our community of friends, sort of a fringe element because we home educate here in the UK where again it is not the norm, I get asked in a positive way if we want more kids. Of course I do!

  464. About to deliver my tenth, it has been a roller coaster of emotions, believing with all my heart that this is God’s perfect plan, and fighting the reactions of those around me who have been influenced by the culture of death and the “anti-child” movement.

    I hope you don’t my putting it here, but I wrote a piece called, What I Would Like to Say to People Who Make Me Feel Like a Freak for Having Children” (http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2013/01/what-i-would-like-to-say-when-people-make-me-feel-like-a-freak-for-having-children.html) that sort of sums up the irony of what is natural but what has come to be seen, ironically, as anything but that.

  465. I have been told by my mother that since i have towo i need to quit, because in this world it is to hard to afford even one let alone more. We are by no means a wealthy family but we have a house full of love and my kids and family are happy so that is all that matters to me. My husband and I are not preventing pregnancy but we are not trying either. When we got together 6 years ago I had a 3 year old. My husband has taken him in as his own and about a year and half after we got serious we got pregnant with our first while planning our wedding. Then when our son was almost one we decided we wanted more so we got rid of the birth control and a year and half later we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately we miscarried the day after my grandmother passed due to the stress so that little soul is in the arms of an angel. it has been 1 year and 8 months since my miscarriage and we are still hoping to create more amazing kids for this world to love and to provide this home with more love and life (MOM of two here praying for more to love)

  466. Thankyou for your srticle. We married when I was 21, then I went to university, srated work and had our first child when I was 31! She’s 3 now and our second daughter just turned 1. One thing you said that totally resoanted with me is how our culture – and church! – regards having children and I think it hsould extend to premarital sex and pregnancy out of wedlock, too. It’s not a personal experience ofr me in case you are wondering but I remember thinking, when I had our first child, how sad it is that we taint our children with this beliefs about how if they have sex and fall pregnant as a teen that their lives are *over*. Totally ruined, a complete and utter write off. Yet now I’m in my 30s and if I had started having kids in my teens (just saying…) They’d be nearly out of the house now. I coudl start another family or do *wahtever* God asked or I wanted if God didn’t offer something up right away. Children *are* such a gift and treasure and it is a terrible shame how nowdays having them earlier in life seems to be viewed even more negatively in the church than in”oppostie wordl”.

  467. I have 8. I get negative remarks sometimes and used to get, “so are you hoping for a boy this time,” a lot when I only had girls. I always said, “I’m just hoping for a healthy human.” When they say that it must be a handful, I say, “No, both my hands are full.” But most often I get, “God bless you.” I say he already has, that’s why I have so many. I’m thankful that I don’t live in opposite land and so many of the people I surround myself with think they are a blessing. A noisy, expensive, time consuming blessing that I couldn’t live without.

  468. It didn’t take long for my husband and I to really understand and believe that God is in control of giving us children. My oldest son is 36 and my youngest is 12. We have 8 boys and 6 girls. That’s right, 14 children! I had 3 miscarriages. I can say that God has and continues to provide for us and my adult children are responsible, productive and very intelligent. We home schooled and have had one or more children in college every year since 1993. We have an Avionics Specialist, nurse, TSA agent, teller, Admissions Counselor, legal assistant, piano teacher, Air Force reservist and a future doctor, policeman and interior designer. My daughter, who is graduating in a few weeks, will be taking pre-physical therapy and the next to graduate will be going into mechanical engineering. I say all of this, not to toot the proverbial horn, but to say that there is nothing strange or weird about having alot of children. For us, they are blessings from the Lord and I can stand before the God of Heaven someday knowing I fulfilled the calling He gave me. Now, I am enjoying being a Nana to our 9 grandchildren, soon to be 11!

  469. Don’t listen to the nay sayers. While being a parent is not always easy – there are sacrifices – it is the single most joyful experience of my life. I prayed for children and am blessed to have the 3 little girls entrusted to my care. It is a privilege denied to many and a gift not exactly embraced by others. Relish it. Love it. This season of your life is full of excitement and promise. There is nothing, and I mean nothing better than holding your child, smelling their sweet baby smells, feeling their heartbeat next to yours. It is a miracle. Anyone who says otherwise is missing the blessing and it will be gone all too soon – because they grow up. Hopefully you enjoy the ride and in the end have raised a competent, loving, God fearing adult.

  470. Wow! Everyones stories are sooo moving! I have been married almost 3 and a half years. Im 26 and my husband is 29. People always ask us “When are yall going to have children? Why dont you have children already?” My husband is Chinese and my family is Mexican. Both mine and my husbands culture think we should have children as soon as we can. I was born and raised in the states so I can understand both sides. We unfortunately can not have children. So when people ask when we are going to have children I just go with the “We’re waiting.” “We’re too busy with our jobs.” “My husband and I want to travel a bit more.” No one knows we can not have children. So its a bit hard.
    I’ve always wanted a “large” family. As everyone might know the China has the “one child policy.”, so this has shaped my husbands view on how many children he wasnts us to have. He is an only child and thinks 2 children is enough. I am one of 3 and have many many many cousins and 2nd cousins, so I think a few more would be nice. I know God has a plan for our lives and I have no doubt he will bless us with children sooner or later, in one way or another.

    Thanks for this post and everyone inspiring words!

  471. I am currently pregnant with #6. When I had my 3rd – our first girl – I heard “oh you must be done now that you finally got your girl.” I would reply “it wasn’t about getting a girl. It was about adding to our family.” Now that I’m about to have #6 I hear “Are they ALL yours???” almost every time I leave the house. I get weird looks a lot too. Some of the other comments “you know what causes that, right?”, “Is THIS going to be your last one??”, “are you Catholic?” I just always smile and say “We decided to leave our family size to God. He has blessed us with these 6. Only He knows if we are done.” I have a family member that has one child and tells me frequently “We stopped at one b/c we had the perfect child.” I just smile, and bite my tongue. I think my family is pretty perfect! And my kids know that we have babies b/c we love our kids, and God wants to give them to us. I love my big family!!!!

    1. “We stopped at one b/c we had the perfect child.” To which we could reply- We make such perfectly beautiful children, we decided the world should be blessed by us having more then one.

  472. Thanks for you thoughts. I am pregnant with my 3rd right now and sometimes it feels so overwhelming, esp. since my 2nd is just barely one and I feel like I still have a baby. I am excited for the new arrival, but on those days when I feel like all I do is laundry, cooking, and cleaning, I wonder what am I doing!

  473. I am the fourth of 7 kids in my family and my mom always tells us about the shocked responses she would get when she told people how many kids she has. She’s gotten questions like “Is your husband Mexican?” (I live in a heavily populated hispanic area of California) and the snide “You know how that happens, right?” To the last one my mom always replies, “Yes, and that’s why we have ONLY seven.” I think it sad how people will so willing give up the experience of having a large family. I have heard seen the surprised looks myself when I tell someone I have 6 siblings, but I would never give up having all of them, or having several children of my own someday, for anything.

  474. As someone who does not feel called to having a marriage or children of my own, it’s a bit different for me, and others like me, I suppose. I absolutely love and support my friends and family members who do, and all the amazing mothers I know (clearly their jobs are all more difficult than mine!), but would like to point out that the Biblical mandate to “be fruitful and multiply” and “fill the earth and subdue it” is not simply a mandate to procreate. It’s about enriching lives and culture all around you, and if that’s your family and children – AWESOME, but if that’s about being an architect, a painter, a poet, an advocate, a teacher…. ALL of these things are also high callings from the Most-High God. I design buildings; teach college students; photograph families, brides, and newborns; mentor and shepherd young women; work in ministry; serve my community; teach middle school campers. In short I work every day to fill the earth and subdue it – with evidence of God’s grace, mercy, and love for His people, whether that is within my own family or in the lives of others. THAT, dear friends, is the point. If you have the blessed opportunity to be a wife and mother and believe that is what God has called you to – DO it and DO NOT apologize for it – embrace it (as you all clearly have!). If not…I offer the same advice. OH, and I will happily participate in the lives of your children, as well, since I don’t have my own! 😉 (Just because I don’t have them, doesn’t mean I don’t love them!)

  475. This was so touching! I don’t have children, I’m not pregnant, I’m not even married, but I can relate to the opposite world and the word of God. I come from a big family, and up until this year bough into the belief that big families are unplanned, at least by parents. I was shocked when my mother told me she always wanted at least four children, but really wanted five- and that is what she got! I never in a million years believed that my five years younger baby brother, born when my mom was fourty was NOT a woopsie. Neither God nor my mom ever thought he was! However, I feel like the fact that I haven’t been deemed an official adult, and official leader of the Opposite World, yet, allows me to be one of the few people excited when friends are expecting. I’m always thrilled they have a baby on the way! So it always surprises me when their faithful Christian families or friends have nothing but discouraging words to say- their families love them, so why would they expect my friend to be any less overwhelmed in love and devoted, in turn, to their children?

  476. Thanks for the great reminder! It’s so nice to hear encouraging words.
    Today I my due date, We’re excitedly expecting our fourth, any day now. My oldest is 3, my second is 14 months younger then him, and my third is 15 months younger then her. This baby will be 16 months younger then his next oldest brother.

    No, we didn’t exactly plan to have them all so very close together, although we always wanted a big family. But we wouldn’t change a thing- after all, who would we get rid off? They are each precious and a gift from God.

    I have some very difficult days, where I feel I will be changing diapers forever. Days where I’m afraid I might loose all control of the proper English language for lack of use with other adults. Days where I I feel like I just don’t have the strength to carry on. But then I remember that it is God who has given us these three beautiful children, and another one on the way, and if He, in His sovereign will has done this thing, then He, in His Almighty grace WILL carry me through.

  477. Thank you, for such an encouraging post! I am 27 and pregnant with number 7. I have, in the past, played along with others remarks about being too young or having too many children. Strictly for the sake of not having to defend myself. But no more!! I will declare that I am blessed, and that I love ALL the children God has given me! Thanks again!

  478. Fabulous article! I have 3 boys and a girl, and I cant tell you how many times I heard “Are you going to keep trying till you get a girl?”, or “Are you done now that you have a girl?” It was so annoying! It wasn’t about having a girl, it was about feeling like our family was complete. And now we feel like we are complete. 🙂

    I got married when I was 25 and had my first kid at 27. That is early for some people, but later than a lot of my friends. But I KNEW that God had a plan for me, and I KNEW that I was supposed to finish college before I would get married. I still don’t know why that was His plan for me, but it was such a comfort to know that I was doing what he wanted me to do.

    I grew up in a family of 7, and one time when I told somebody that, the reply was something like “Well, you lived on a farm, I guess your parent’s needed more help.” Aughh! We weren’t born because my parents wanted more farm hands, and little kids running all over aren’t that helpful anyway. 😛

  479. Thank you for such a beautiful post, Courtney! I was a recipient of some pessimistic comments for having children so young. I was 21 and our son was born 10 months after my Micheal and I got married. Our second son was born only 22 months later. What a blessing they are to our lives because my sweetheart passed away fighting for our freedom in Iraq when they were only six and four years old. I became a widow at 27 and our sons are now eight and ten years old and I thank my Heavenly Father everyday that He blessed us with our two wonderful boys. They look so much like their father and they carry me through every single day until I can be with my Micheal again. I would not trade them for ANYTHING in opposite world! Thank you for positivity on the demanding, but so much more fulfilling role of motherhood.

  480. For those who have kids. Just enjoy what you have and don’t be concerned with what others say. This is coming from someone who is 31 and has never even had a boyfriend. I live in a world where i was raised that im suppose to have it all. Find a husband, go to school to get your career, have children. This is coming fr om someone raised in a Christian home. I didnt intend on being single now but i guess that’s what God wants. Just enjoy what you have, there are some that cant have what you have. I know many at my age that pray for it but like me are still single. Everyone says, well just go do this or that. Everyone has their oppinions. But God’s time is different sometimes. Bottom line, just be thankful for what you have. Love everyone. Love God. And dont nitpick about what so and so is doing or saying. I too have to work on this.

  481. I was literally talking to my husband about this two nights ago. We tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant and were told there was no way we would be able to have children on our own without medical help. But God is good! He has bless us and I am now 3 1/2 months pregnant! And it happened without the medical help. I work at our church as the children’s ministry director and each Sunday morning and Wednesday night I here so many negative responses in reply to my joyful comments about begin pregnant. I am so happy and feel so blessed. I cry every time I think about God hearing our prayers and giving us such a wonderful gift! Thank you for posting this. My husband actually found it, through our sister-in-law, and told me to read it. I’m so glad I did. Thanks again!

  482. I find it so interesting how quickly women are to judge one another based on when we conceive children and assume we know the motives behind every situation.

    There is no “opposite world.” There is only one world that we must dwell in together living by God’s Word and sharing His love with each other. Never assume you know why someone is having children when they are. I do not see any passages outlining when, where, and how many children we should have. It says that they are a blessing, and they are! God’s Word does exemplify both women who did and who did not have children who loved God and wanted His purpose for their lives.

    So, live with each other in wisdom and love with a tender heart towards those around you. If you’re the woman who condemns other women in her pride in having children, shame on you. If you’re the woman who condemns other women for having children rather than pursuing a career, shame on you. But, we need to stop imposing our preferences on others where doing so is not outlined in God’s Word.

    I’m sorry that some people cannot be happy in your moment of joy! But we know that comes from having to live in one world together, doesn’t it? We’re not in heaven yet, folks. The journey isn’t over, so people are still going to say things that hurt our feelings. We need to live by what we know is Truth until we reach our final destination!!

  483. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I totally agree! I always get remarks at the grocery store (with my two children) like “Oh, you sure have your hands full.” But I also get beautiful comments like, “Treasure them, they what’s most important.” And someone once said, “Those are two beautiful blessings!” I love being a mother & wouldn’t trade it for any career in the world!

  484. Loved this post. I have five beautiful children I homeschool and I’m constantly getting negative comments when we’re out together. They are wild and crazy and fun and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    I married when I was 24, my husband 30. We knew we shouldn’t wait, and we didn’t. It took a bit, but we had our first girl when I was 26. I gave up a career, and world travel, and all those other things that seem to be important to so many. I have friends who post pictures of fabulous vacations, and dinners at non-Playland restaurants. Would I trade with them? Not a chance. Because I have something better. Dinner might be mac and cheese at home, but I get silly jokes around the table, a floor show where my three-year-old shows us his silly dance, a thumbs up and a wink from my five-year-old, and my seven-year-old never failing to say “Thanks for fixing dinner.” I get kisses and hugs all day long.

    It is frustrating that more and more negativity is coming from Christians. I find it maddening when mothers I know are perpetuating the problem by constantly complaining publicly or on Facebook about all the misery of motherhood. While we have our moments of frustration, even heartache as mothers, we need to celebrate the joys. Your children know when you are happy being a mother. Let’s let them know that it is the greatest job in the world.

  485. I love this post! I felt the exact same way as your friend Melanie. I got lots of comments like that and I got them when I was engaged too. I always was bothered by these comments because it is our divine purpose to have families. I don’t think it’s a small coincidence that when most of us are little, boys and girls alike, we all start pretending to be parents or married. It isn’t only because that is what we see, but God instilled beautiful power of love, families and procreation in our hearts. This post reminded me of the LDS General Conference talk, that is also FABULOUS! He also quotes Rachael Janokovic. I love being a mommy and I love the Lord.

  486. i did not “plan” to have my 2 babies. God sent them to me when he knew I was ready. Had i waited even just a few more years i would not of been able to have them (i had a hysterectomy at age 24) I am thankful i had my kids early. At age 40 both of my kids will be in college and i can travel then (most likely i will be traveling to visit them as i will not know what to do without them by my side everyday)
    children are a blessing they help to make you a better person yourself.

  487. Just wanted to write a note to the author: thanks for this uplifting post. It’s been a hard several days and this gave me the reminder I needed about what is important.

  488. I disagree. In the unlikely scenario that I were to have complications, I would never wish that I’d have had kids younger because I am nowhere near ready to have children right now. I am in a lot of debt and still wish to see the world and build my career. You need to be stable before having a child. I probably won’t be ready until I am at least 30 or so. I finish college this year and I need to get back on track and out of debt so I can be financially secure someday and pursue my goals. The worst thing you can do is have kids because you’re afraid of having complications later.

  489. I also married at 19….I am almost 24 now and no children by choice. We are enjoying our marriage and don’t need to rush into having kids just because we’re married.

  490. When my twins were tiny, I used to go shopping with them and my son leo then 2, the twins were in a side by side buggy and a woman passed and said “Oh my goodness, twins, I’d rather kill myself” then she walked off.
    I used to get asked how I concieved them all the time. Nobody did this when I wal;ked around pregnant with one. Such a personal question. One person asked if the twins were identical or not and when I said that they are not she argued that they looked the same so they must be!
    I could write a book, lots of people have told me that 3 boys is enough and such a shame for me. A shame I can’t have more to get that elusive girl baby I must want, just in case it’s another boy and what a dissapointemt that would be. Like I am not whole unless I have both sexes to parent and that I might have been better off if one of my exsisting children didn’t exsist and the missing girl did. Oh it was such a shame they were both boys….. I get a lot of “she has her hands full” True, I do, but I would be left twiddling my thumbs without them.

  491. I am especially richly blessed. I was able to bear and rear nine beautiful, healthy children who are now all married and having families of their own. I heard all the negatives, but the positively wonderful times outlasted the negatives. We all love being together and have great times. I now have 34 grandchildren and three more on the way this year. My quiver is overflowing and I LOVE IT!

  492. I’m thankful for my two children, whom I love fiercely and with all my heart. I’m also thankful for the birth control that allowed me to wait until I was ready to be the mother they deserve, starting at age 30, and that allows me to limit our family size to what my husband and I can emotionally and financially handle. I’m thankful for the society that lets me acknowledge my depression and anxiety and talk openly with other mothers about the times I’ve felt suicidal and unable to care for my children, or simply thought that parenthood was really, really hard. That freedom and acceptance is what allowed me to get help and be the mother I want to be.

    Parenthood involves tremendous sacrifices, along with tremendous joys. It’s a disservice to other women to pretend that it’s all rainbows and sunshine, or insinuate that someone is somehow not fulfilling her destiny as a woman if she chooses (or is forced) to take a different path.

    Judgment goes both ways.

  493. Thank you so much for posting this! My husband and I met in our senior year and were married 3.5 years later. When we were engaged we always faced comments like “you’re so young to get married”, or “you really should wait”. Comments like those often hurt as we had already been together for 3.5 years, so why would we wait longer if God was leading us towards marriage? What did everyone think, we were going to date forever? So we did get married. We were engaged for 6 months. I was 21 and he was 22, and we don’t regret that decision one bit. Now we have been married for 1.5 years and are preparing try for a family soon. We know we will face opinions, comments, and disagreements, but God has a plan for us and if we are obedient, he will bless us. People may not understand why we would want to have a family now, just like they didn’t understand why we were getting married so young, but it is our life and not theirs.

  494. Hey there. I want to challenge those who think the world is overpopulated. I used to work for an organization that partnered with the World Food Programme.

    A statistic that stuck with me is that there is enough food in the world to feed everyone.

    Everyone!

    That led me to question why the food wasn’t getting to people who need it. I am thinking that what stands in the way is sin – selfishnessness of rich people who want to spend their money on their own things; dictators who hold back food from their people; war; and famine (which I consider a result of sin since the natural world has been a fallen world since the Garden of Eden – all creation “groans”!).

    What if we stopped being materialistic Americans and started giving up some of the things that have us enslaved? What if we gave time and money to make the world a more equitable place? What if we lived out Jesus’ commands?

    I don’t think the problem is that people are having more babies. To put it bluntly, the problem is us. If you can afford a computer, or the trip to the library to use their computer, then you can afford to share.

    1. I agree in theory. But this solution is very idealistic and will, unfortunately, never happen. People will not stop being selfish, violent, tyrannical, etc. And, though there may be enough food in the world to feed everyone, a starving child with no parents and no home does not care that the world is not “technically” overpopulated. A problem that I see is some families valuing the command “be fruitful and multiply” (which was not directed to 21st Century Americans, but rather to people in the Bible whose duty it was to populate a totally empty earth) over the New Testament command to care for orphans.

  495. My husband and son have brittle bone disease. There is a 50% chance that all of our children will have it. Nearly everyone in our lives say that we should stop having children. My entire life all I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and mother, and I am just not ready to stop having babies. Just because my baby has special needs doesn’t mean that we should stop with one child. We definitely want more, but will probably wait because my son is only 11 months old. He is a joy. He is a happy little guy who brings so much joy to my heart.

    1. there is always adoption , there are thousands of children out there with out a family that would love to have one , maybe being their mom could be your calling . You don’t necessarily have to have children to be a mother.This way you wouldn’t be putting more people in danger of having a life altering disease . Just a thought

  496. This was interesting to read… I am 27 and I have no desire to have children – never have – I find my experiences have been the complete opposite of yours.

    My entire early twenties were dominated by comments like “oh just wait til you hit 25 – you’ll change your mind!”

    Now, in my late twenties, I constantly hear things like “you’ll regret it when you’re old and have no one to look after you!” and “your biological clock is ticking – if you don’t have one soon you may regret it later!” etc, etc..

    NO ONE, except my awesome friends that I’ve only made in recent years, seems to fully accept the idea that – GASP – some women just don’t want kids! And no, we’re not selfish, our lives are meaningful and we don’t hate children (well, some do – not me!). It’s just not the right choice for some of us.

    I think the point is that, when it comes to having children or not having children or how many children you’ll have or when you’ll have them, it’s NOBODY’S D*MN BUSINESS BUT YOUR OWN!!!!

    People need to learn to respect other peoples’ decisions about their private lives. I don’t want to have kids and my reasons are my own. I should not have to justify my choices to anyone, just as I don’t ask others who choose to have children to justify their choice to me.

    It’s unfortunate and unfair that social pressures around you kept you from making the decision that you would have liked to have made earlier. It is equally unfortunate and unfair that I have to live my whole life being questioned as to why I won’t accept the calling of motherhood. Neither of us should have to justify our choices and neither of us should ever feel pressure to make choices that are not what we feel are right for ourselves and our lives due to societal expectations.

    1. Don’t be so tied in to the opinions of others that, you feel called upon to make excuses or explanations for your own, . . .

    2. You are so right. It baffles me that women who genuinely don’t want children are labeled “selfish.” Wouldn’t the selfish woman be the one who caves in to cultural expectation to have children to avoid being viewed as “unwomanly,” knowing full well that she is not cut out for motherhood? To me, that would be the selfish decision. And, yes, people need to learn to respect the personal, private decisions of others.

  497. I had a lady tell me (might I add – a church goer!) “I’m sorry!” when she found out we were having a little boy! Wake up church and believe God’s own words!!

    I was married days before my 22nd birthday and gave birth to my son days before my 23rd. I would trade the blessings of marrying young and bearing children young for all the chai in India. 🙂

  498. I love your article!!! I am a 22 and have a 1 year old daughter. I am so blessed to have her and am grateful everyday that my husband and I chose to not put off having children. I firmly believe the Lord wants us to bring these special sweet spirits to the earth. It is our purpose and divine calling as women to bear and raise His children.
    I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. in 1995 our Prophet released a proclamation called “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” it is a wonderful and inspired declaration from God reminding us of the role of Fathers, Mothers, children and families in the world. When you mentioned the part about Eve and multiplying, it reminded me of a paragraph from it. It reads: “The First Commandment that God gave to Adam and eve
    pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and
    wife. We declare that God’s commandment for his children
    to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We
    further declare that God has commanded that the sacred
    powers of procreation are to be employed only between
    man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”

    I know that God wants women to be mothers. Some women will be mothers to many in this life while others might just be mothers to one or two, some might only be mothers from a distance. It is the divine calling of women to love, care for, and nurture God’s Children. I invite you to read more of this proclamation and God’s plan for families at https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/36035_000_24_family.pdf

    Thank you for being bold and standing up for the family!

    Most sincerely,
    RaeAnn

  499. We can’t have children. It breaks my heart every time I hear a woman bemoan having babies “too often” or “too early” because it is a joy I will never feel. I am not naive. Being pregnant can be a burden–but I will never get to have that burden.

    Thanks for your post. Appreciate what you have.

  500. I am 15 weeks…. I am so sorry that you have had the experience you have had. I have had the exact opposite. I am not sure why people have been so encouraging to me and not to you. It breaks my heart to think of anyone not being excited about LIFE!!! I have been sick my entire pregnancy, I throw up daily and still I thank God everyday that I have a little baby inside of me. I hate that you have had such negative response from church goers especially. Not all church goers are alike, I’ve had the opposite… Blessings to you and your baby.

  501. I am SO Proud of you women of God! My mom and I heard all of that. I even heard people tell me so you just wasted your education, they didn’t know God was going to bless me with my own business. We as Christian forget that God is Faithful and sweet with grace and mercy! He rewards our obedience!

  502. I think that every one is entitled to make their own choice and for their own reasons. I personally have seen several of my friends get married at 18 , 19 and 20 and have kids less then a year later . They obviously have chosen this and that is their own business . However I would have to say I think this judgement goes both ways .I personally think it is crazy to want kids that young ! Being a mother is a HUGE responsibility and un till you are emotionally, physically , mentally and financially ready you should not have one , it is not fair to that child, and unfortunately I have seen a lot of very young mothers that they are not ready. I am not sure what the huge rush is. It is possible to have meaning in your life without having children , I feel like people are afraid that if they don’t have children right away they are worthless…. Marriage is hard , especially when you are young , and broke, and just met less then a year ago. I think it is very important to a marriage to build a strong and good relationship before introducing the stress of children to it . I have literally seen having to many children to quickly destroy marriages… I wonder if those people think it was really worth it not to wait 3 or 4 years till they had their feet under them a little more . I am LDS and i do not see the logic in rushing into having children I think that it is important to get an education (like so many of the general authorities of our church have taught us to do ) I love my husband and i know that having children right away would be alot of stress on him and our relationship and I am planning on honoring his request that we wait a few years . However I am constantly asked why i don’t want kids right away , or why we aren’t having kids yet , like there is something wrong with me … I am only 21 !!! I have had people say oh well i had kids early cause i just love children ,i guess not every one feels that way …. seriously i love kids i was a nanny while I went to college and have loved taking care of all my cousins and nieces/ nephews my whole life!I do love children that is why i want to wait so i can bring them into a stable , loving home where their parents are both ready for them. I feel like girls are almost pressured into having kids at a very young age in my church by other members not by the gospel. I think it is very sad and I don’t think it is the best way . However in the end every one has their own life and should not feel like they need to explain their choices to others .

    I think it is important to find your self and have a good grounded relationship with your spouse
    (which takes a lot longer then a few months) before you have kids for your sake and theirs that is all .

  503. This was interesting, but I feel that it doesn’t take into consideration those who have had to wait on the Lord for both a spouse and a husband. I had no choice but to wait until my late twenties to marry, because that’s when God brought me my husband. And now we have to wait a few years until we are out of debt and he makes enough for me to stay home. Otherwise, that would be irresponsible (unless God gifts us with children sooner than we are planning!). It’s always been my desire to have children, but God’s timing is not the same for everyone. Nowhere in the Bible does it say “Children are a gift from the Lord, and you must have them when you’re young.” If your heart agrees that they are a gift, that is glorifying to the Lord no matter when or if he gifts you with them. I don’t think it’s fair to say that those who travel and whatnot for years before having children are living in “opposite word.” Maybe they’re just making the best of what God is giving them at that time. Personally, I think it would be a sin to sit around, discontent and unproductive while you wait to have children. Please consider the delicate hearts of we women who have had no choice but to wait until we’re older. Reading something like this only makes it harder, when we can’t change God’s timing in our lives.

    1. You have a very good point. Another thing your comment reminded me of that this post also does not take into consideration is those who are called to be single for life. This post and most of the comments indirectly, though unavoidably, denigrate people (mostly women) who are called to singleness. Paul even said that singleness is a higher calling than married life – and, consequently, parenthood. How is this fact getting totally ignored here and in the church in general? In Christian culture people – especially women – are pushed to marry, marry, marry as if that’s a major command in the Bible or something…or even a command at all. When, in reality, Paul advises (not really commands) that, if you can stay single, you should do it!

  504. Thank you so much for this sweet post! I have a 7 1/2 month old son and all throughout my pregnancy (at age 22/23 and married) I had so many negative remarks. After having him, I felt so empowered as a woman being able to work miracles with my body by conceiving, growing, and birthing a child! I have found nothing but joy in motherhood. Sure, you need to have realistic expectations and sacrifices must be made, they aren’t a hobby. But they are a small person full of personality, opinions, and a soul. I stood in the grocery store looking at baby food to purchase and bouncing my son on my hip. He was occasionally squawking, because we had come straight from his vaccinations and he was cutting 2 teeth. But his behavior was not loud or distracting. A lady walked by me and remarked to her husband, “I’d shoot myself if I were her”. That was very offensive. No wonder there is no respect for motherhood when that is the attitude people have. And let us all remember, we were once a baby too.

  505. Beautiful post! I just turned 30 a month ago, and my 7th baby is now 6 weeks old. DH and I got married a month after I turned 20, and we did “wait” to have our first… mostly due to the Lord’s timing (miscarriage). That did give me a chance to get my bachelor’s degree in child development, which I use daily. Our first beautiful daughter joined us just after our 2nd anniversary. It was perfect for us. 🙂 We have never postponed children for financial or educational reasons, and we have been blessed to have things work out.

    I actually don’t hear a bunch of negative comments these days, they’re probably muttered out of ear-shot, or drowned out by the noise of my brood… but I do hear lots of positive comments, and I generally ignore the negative ones I do hear. I have too much to be thankful for, and those who don’t understand that, have no idea what they’re missing out on. 😉

  506. This was a very interesting blog post to read and I loved reading as many comments as I could. I understand wanting to take time to develop yourself and nurture your relationship before having children. I also see that everyone is an individual. I have friends and family who probably didn’t need the time that I did to prepare as a couple for children. I was married 3 1/2 years before having my first child, which isn’t a LONG time, but longer than most that have commented it sounds like. I know how crazy we can feel and how hurtful people’s comments can be and I only have two (very active) little girls.
    I am glad that people who struggle with infertility have commented, too. I think we have to be so understanding of each other as daughters of God and sisters in his kingdom. I don’t understand how painful and deeply wounding it can be to struggle to conceive. But because I can’t understand it, I try very hard not to judge it. I have thought a lot about this as I have watched friends and family struggle with it. I have seen some have 3 kids in 3 years and almost go loony and others yearn for a baby. One thing we know is that God will try us in this life. What is a challenge to one person may not be a challenge to another.
    I am also grateful to see on this blog the reflection of so many other Christian women who value and cherish motherhood (regardless of whether or not you have children of your own). It is inspiring and uplifting.

  507. I’m just 15. Not married, nor pregnant…or even in a relationship. That’s a whole other story…. I just wanted to say, I couldn’t agree more. I am so glad you wrote this. It is truly a lifter uper! May God continue to bless you.

  508. Ladies, may a male of the species weigh in? I turned 60 this past March, having no children or been married. However, I come from a large blended family. It was not my intent to remain single and childless. My parents had nine of us (I am exactly in the middle). Both my Dad and my Step-dad were married and had two children with first wives, so there were a group of us. Growing up in the late 50’s and 60’s I don’t remember any comments to my Mother. However, the point is that I watched my siblings marry and have children, grand-children and great grand-children all the while feeling that I was missing out. At the present time I have a niece pregnate with her fifth child. She and her husband also have four foster children. I have a great niece pregnate with her second. Children truly are a blessing as I have been privlegded to share in the raising of most of my nieces and nephews. Never once have I ever heard any in my family voice regret for having children. We had the attitude growing up that if you messed with one you had all of us to deal with, that included disparaging remarks. Just the comment of an old, single and childless Uncle. By the way, you should see the looks when about 10 people, ranging from 40 to 3 yrs. old call me Uncle Buck when we are in public. Mothers are the greatest!!!!

  509. I completely agree. Heck, Neil L. Anderson (of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) even included that same blog except in an address on having the faith to have a family. I experienced the “your life is doomed” stuff too from what felt like everywhere; even from a relative or two.
    I got a comment or two about “When will you be going back to work?” from a (non-religious) step-family member. I intend to stay home, but it seemed more like an expectation than a question of staying home or not.
    The most harmful stuff I’ve heard is from my peers on facebook. It was a status update that wasn’t directly naming anyone, but I assumed that it included myself because it accused mothers of assuming they know everything after they squeeze out a child from their nether regions. And some comments in reply ridiculed their peers for having children – or heaven forbid – get married at their age.

  510. Mom of 7, grandma of 12. Worst comment refered to the baby as a parasite. My comment to those who criticize is that I have to remind myself that God blesses the childless in other ways, but I’m thankful for the blessing of children.

  511. At one point in our family career, we lived in a bus, and at another point, . . . but, . . . to get to the point here, in a certain instance of perplexity and need, my daughter called me, and I explained how to use “arbitrary” in a legally pregnant way to her supervisor’s supervisor; of course, her supervisor’s supervisor understood and, she sent me a thousand $, . . . I could recount more to a similar end, . . .

    On another occasion, she called to thank me for the time which I spent with her and the others growing up, that, she was meeting people her age, who had not had time with their dads, and it was painfully obvious, though they themselves, had little or no idea of the source concerning what might be wrong in their lives.

    I would say, the Scripture is really true on children—and further and to the opposite, people who are slighting of children—even in the smallest ways—are telling G0D and the world how really empty they are that, they have little or nothing to give a child, . . . it’s just that simple.

    And further and in a related path, occasionally, I come across complaints about the fates of so-called “mixed-race” children. But, just as a trumpet doesn’t know whether it is “A”, “C”, “Bb” or what, and will play equally well in any key, likewise, any given child will perform similarly and equally well—some people’s mere ideas of ethnic extraction, not withstanding, . . . again, depending on what the parents have to offer to the life of a child and to the world.

    But if varying ethnicity is at all worthy of note: 1) the more divergent the gene pool of the parents, the more broadly capable the immune system of the children; adn 2) in the pattern of Christ and His Church, most usually, varying ethnicity is more likely to fulfill the Biblical pattern in the woman being able to marry “up”—and how very important that is, . . .

    As complaint, plea, and excuse, my solitary and dolorous part-time partner in a same business once offered this: “But you, . . . you have your family.”. And well, yes, when many hands take hold of say, any large piece of cast iron and pull, . . . it moves, . . .

    Much of the Bible is narrative, . . . many things are not explained. But that line from Malachi: “And for this reason He brought them together: that, He might seek godly children.”? That short verse shows so much of what the world of mankind is all about, and in that way, of G0D’s continuing and interesting Providence for His enterprise.

    And for example, I would say that, the oil reserves—the so-called “fossil” fuels—are not composed of the squeezed fat of billions of dinosaurs at all, but as from the verse above, G0D simply wished to make provision for many people on earth, . . . and for His then larger purpose in fitting them for life in the eternal realm—well, they have to start with energy, and in the fullness of time, G0D had some of it leak to the surface (up in the State of Pennsylvania) where someone could find it; so, . . .

    So, yes, I would say, go for it, . . . why, I’ve even thought about it myself, . . . maybe get a job, . . . meet a nice girl, . . . get a house, . . . settle down in the suburbs, . . . bring up a nice family, . . .

  512. I’m 25, pregnant with #2, and we hope there will be more to follow. One of the things that also strikes me about pregnancy is the negative view of it. The question I get asked nearly every day and absolutely dread is, “How are you FEELING?” With a lot of emphasis on the last word. I learned quickly with my first that it was people’s invitation to me to start complaining about how terrible pregnancy is. Even people I know that have six children have this perspective! Perhaps some people like to complain, but why can’t I just be happy through my pregnancy? I also noticed that people ask me the question so that they can start telling me about all of the horrible things they experienced when they were pregnant, and I’m really not interested in such a negative conversation. So now when people ask me how I’m feeling, I respond with, “I feel pregnant.” Because it’s true that pregnancy is no cake walk, but it’s also true that I’m not interested in complaining about it because it’s worth it!

    1. I totally agree with you. Every time I’ve been pregnant people seem to pity me and treat me like I was sick or something. Yeah, pregnancy isn’t easy but it’s such an awesome, amazing time! I have three friends who are pregnant right now and all they do is complain about being pregnant. I keep telling them to just enjoy this time and try to be positive about it but I think they just enjoy complaining and getting sympathy. I honestly think that their attitude is causing them more misery than the actual pregnancy.

  513. Interesting. I’m really sorry that people can’t share in the joy of young mothers. Although I personally do not feel called to have children, I respect greatly those who do and who raise them in the Christian faith.

    That being said, I do want to make ONE point. In the last 60 years, our world’s population has gone from 2 billion to an astounding 9 BILLION people. There is an ecological reality that the world is NOT a renewable resource, and although God gave us dominion over the Earth, he/she also desired that we take care of it. Creation is something that God proclaimed very good. With more and more children being born every day, the reality is that this world is overtaxed in resources and being pumped full of more pollution.

    You may think one thing has nothing to do with the other, but I argue that it’s not the case. While I recognize that people have the innate right to have however many children they desire, there’s a level where bringing that many children into a world already groaning under the weight of its people is an ecologically questionable decision. Why not have one or two of your own and then take care of any of the millions of children already here without homes and families to care for them and raise them in the light of God’s love?

    I seriously mean no disrespect and I really don’t judge anyone who has NOT chosen this path. It’s just something to think about the future. Because the world we leave behind is the world that your children inherit. And right now? It’s a mess.

  514. Absolutely wonderful post! I am mother of 12 but only got to raise 8 – we had our first two children and then four miscarriages and then of the last six the last four were born in five years. Thank God!! I always told people after losing four I would take any baby I could hold. I was fortunate to have mostly positive comments with my large family – more often people would say, “you are so blessed!” It was only when I was very pregnant that people would tell me how miserable I looked. Ya, right? I felt fine until you started to talking to me?? I love having a large family and would have had more if my husband hadn’t decided to jump ship and divorce me. I thank God for my children everyday – I still have six at home and still homeschooling six and running a round the clock 24/7 daycare for another 12 or so kids. So at any moment, I always have at least and extra 5 or 6 in my house each day. One of my famous lines is, “The first three kids break you in and then it doesn’t matter how many more you have – it just gets easier!” It’s so much easier for me now to raise every one else’s kids having raised so many of my own. — so keep up the good work with your family and your blog!

  515. I am 33 and expecting my 5 child. Luckily I live in the south, so I think the comments I get are less than some areas in the country. I decided with my third, that everyone who comments about my “large” family is complimenting me. When I respond to there comments with “Yes they are all mine they are such a blessing.” or “your right my hands are full and I’m so grateful” It always difusses the negativity and helps me spread the word that motherhood is wonderful. If they say I’m crazy I just think, no I’m amazing. YOU couldn’t handle this becasue your not as amazing as I am. You’re right 🙂

  516. I agree that being a parent is so far the most beautiful experience of my life – and also the biggest responsiblity! I was 27 when my daughter decided to become a part of my life. She was unexpected – but I am grateful every day for her. However, I am also grateful that she came at a time I was old enough to have patience and time to give her. If she had come when I was younger, I cannot say we would have been as happy. I think too many young people have children they are not prepared for. And starting younger also leads to larger families which have their pros – but also have cons…. I am grateful to have an hour every night that I can devote to my girl… to read and listen to her. If you have more than 2 kids, can you really say you have time to give to each child? So they feel they are important in your life? Because, after all, building a family is not about us – it’s about the kind of life we give our children.

    1. “people have children they are not prepared for.”?

      H-m-m, . . . they have 9mo to prepare—upwards of a year, . . . what could be the hold up? Certainly, they can never become in home life or in the larger world more than they perceive in their own minds, . . . they need only accept responsibility for their lives and for new life, . . . G0D is pure life, . . . of which we are the very image, . . . right?

      “And starting younger also leads to larger families”?

      Well, . . . like, . . . yeah, . . . hello, . . . okay, at least, the lights are on, . . . beginning at an earlier age leads to larger families. Now, think about it, . . . time which is poorly used in thought often generates ideas of tremendous impossibilities, . . . but, we would far better making use of our resources: Because girls come with early nurturing drives, if you are blessed to begin with girls, . . . are you with me? If you let girls do all they are capable of doing, they might literally astound you. The more girls you have, the sooner your “family business” project may just “go on automatic”, . . . look for blessings and you will avoid much niggling negativity, . . .

    2. Lisa, What is awesome about having more kids is that I don’t have to be their sole entertainment . My kids have so many kids to play with . Sure I cannot devote all my time to one child but they are so rich in relationships that lack of one on one time is not an issue. Instead they have one on one time with several people ! There is a HUGE support system in a family of several kids. And I don’t have to try to find friends for them to be entertained . As far as older kids they don’t have to be MY whole life either . In that, I mean the pressure is not on one child to visit me all the time or check on me or care for me alone when I am older. With my in-laws, the care is spread out among siblings and many grandchildren . When grandparents are ill my kids go help them. The grandparents would have been in a nursing home if they did not have the help of our kids . If a couple only has one or two children and need help when they are old , those one or two kids have the sole responsibility of caring for the parent , thus making the child’s life much harder. The child has to give up their career to care for aging parents or put them in a nursing home, or hire care at great expense. As far as reading time in the evening we read large wholesome character-building books together . We laugh and sometimes cry and just have a great time talking about what we have read. We talk about those books throughout the years as we remember different parts of the story . There is a bond there with several people that makes us strong. Not all people are called to more than one child but there is no way that lack of one on one time should be the reason for not blessing your first child with these lifelong friendships. On another note , I remember wondering, ” How I could love another child as much as my first?” when I was expecting our second. BUT let me tell you – That love just MULTIPIES magically .Trust me , I have 13 children and dearly love each and every one of them ! It is a total JOY watching them all interact in their daily lives ! They help each other on their houses , they babysit for each other , they go out to eat together , celebrate together and MUCH more ! Children are a blessing in so many ways. I just wish folks could realize it before it is too late for them to have more children.

  517. I have 13 children ages 33 (next month) to 5 years old and I can not believe the number of who told me that they wished they would have had a large family or more children . A few of them are men who now regret their decision to prevent future children by way of surgery or birth control. 27 years ago when I had my 3rd child the standard in the church we attended was 1 -2 – TIE YOUR TUBES , so people thought we were crazy . I remember being introduced to my Aunts co-workers as her niece who is expecting her 10th child and 4 out 4 of the women said” Oh my I can not even stand the one I have ! ” The last said rudely as she walked away ” I give you my condolences .” Now things are a bit different in that people are seeing what they missed in not have more children. They tend to admire the fact that we were brave enough to go against the grain and raise a large family . The grandparents adore them and the younger ones ( ages 8 to 11) help care for their aging grandparents who I might add made many negative comments about my late pregnancies. As far as those ladies who said they could not stand their own kids. I say you get out of it what you put into it . If you’re more committed to a career , while leaving your kids to raise themselves then you will have discipline problems galore and you will reap what you sow. On the other hand if you invest in your children instead and make sure to raise them well you will get great rewards . We now have our 7 grandchildren with one due later this year and it is a joy to watch my grown children raise their children well . Even through all of the sleepless nights , and tons of exhausting discipline , many tears , I count it a joy to have children and grandchildren. The rewards far outweigh the work . And my children will never hear “Oh no another one , don’t you know what causes that ? Because I know children are a blessing from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward !

    1. Yes.

      And for those mothers who depict as self-descriptive in such as: “Oh my I cannot even stand the one I have!”—beside the lack in their own less than adequate upbringing—these manifest a failure in fathering because, it is the husband who shows the children that, the mother is, . . . a lotta fun, and worth it!

  518. Thank you for posting this. I was very young when me and my husband had our children (15, 16, and 19…too young) and we faced extreme negativity. Well, 10 years later we have been together 12 years, married 9 and are planning #4. I absolutely love motherhood and would not give it up for any “luxury” I may be missing. My “spa days” are soaking my feet with my 10 and 9 year old girls while we watch a Disney movie and paint our toes! I gladly trade going out to the movies for watching them on the couch with my kids eating pizza and popcorn. I don’t feel like my body is ruined I love each of my stretch marks.. they are my kids first drawings from inside my womb. I wanted 8 children but since I had to have c-sections that has prevented me from reaching my goal… I’m not even sure my doctor will agree to 4 I have an appointment in a few days to find out and I am scared to be told no. 🙁 Thank you again for this post.

  519. I agree that it is inappropriate to try and make someone feel bad about their life choices, but to disrupt this echo chamber for a moment, your blog is doing the same thing. Using negative terms such as “Opposite World” to categorize life choices different from those you are advocating is just as demeaning, exclusionary, and negative as anything said to young mothers. Everyone is different. Everyone has different needs and life goals. Perhaps the most positive option for everyone is to stop telling other people what is right and wrong and let everyone make that decision for themselves.

    On a slight side note, the fact that you would use the term “counter cultural” to define the life choices you are advocating is just mind blowingly ironic.

    1. Thanks… I know this blog entry was meant to uplift mothers and I read it with interest, but I felt like in a way it was also speaking negatively about those who don’t have kids right away. I am 27 and not yet pregnant, for several reasons. NONE of those reasons include a desire to “fit in aerobics, spa days, girls shopping trips and “me time.” Having children is a personal thing. Just as women may experience negative comments when they have children young or frequently, women also experience negativity from people asking when they are going to have kids, why haven’t they given their parents grandchildren yet, etc. etc. I don’t think women should be putting those questions on each other or judging others for their personal decisions about children.

      1. Thanks for a good article. I am replying to the posts of Sar and Sarah because it was nice to see a couple posts that are similar to how I feel! Please try to understand that some women are unsure about having children. I am one of those. My husband and I cannot afford for me to stay home, so if we have children I’ll return to work 6-8 weeks after childbirth. We do not have family to help with childcare, so we will have to trust our little ones to a daycare. We live in the far suburbs and take a commuter trains into the downtown of a big city — a 90min commute each way. It’s what we need to do to just to live within our means, not above them (we don’t have a big house). I also have health issues and even if I can get pregnant it concerns me about whether I can give a baby everything he or she needs. What happens if I get sick? Right now I can take the time to rest. So, yes, I am afraid I cannot do it all. Thank you for your comment about trusting Jesus with such fears. Perhaps I will meet with my Pastor to discuss this. However, my point is, everyone has a different journey and part of being Christian is not judging each other’s journeys. I agree that absolutely goes both ways. Society in general and Christians specifically should not make negative comments about pregnancy and children. Children are a blessing, and a joy. At the same time not everyone has a house on a quiet street with a job 10 minutes away or can be at home to raise their children. And I’m sure the mothers who read your blog are from all over the country–urban, rural, working, stay-at-home moms, etc. I am just making the point that every one is different, which is why it is SUCH a personal decision. Being a mother is a sacrifice and I try to understand that as best as I can without having any children. There are other factors to consider besides “ok, I am going to sacrifice everything I am and all of my time,” though. Such as, can I really be a good mom to a child given all of these things? I feel judged by society and other mothers just for not having children and I have received negative comments to that effect. I agree the negative comments you wrote about are inappropriate. I hope you understand that it is also hurtful when mothers make judgments about women without children.

  520. I loved this article! I’m 22 and I just had my 3rd child in March. With each child I get nastier and nastier comments most of them coming from friends and family member. So many of my friendships have been damaged because they are furious that I’m married, have three children, and stay at home. I can understand them not wanting that life for themselves but I just can’t wrap my mind around why they would be angry about me choosing that life. I get asked a lot if I feel like I missed out on life because of having children so early and the answer is always “no”. I look at all of my friends who are my age and they spend all of their time drinking and partying and making huge mistakes in their lives. So many of them are still trying to find their way and have no idea what they want to do with the rest of their lives and it stresses them out and makes them miserable. But as for me, I know exactly what I want to do in life and that is to take care of my children, husband and home. It may not be the PC thing to do anymore but it makes me extremely happy and my children and husband are also very happy. What more could I ask for?

  521. I am excited to be a mother one day. I am 25, I have been married for almost 3 years and my husband still has 2 years left in law school while working a 40+ hour job. We plan to wait until he finished law school in 2 years to have children so he can be around to enjoy and watch them grow up. I am very happy for mother, young and older, but this blog is very condescending to women who decide to wait. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to wait until my husband is out of school. I am not a bad wife for not insisting on a pregnancy after a few months of marriage. We have enjoyed our last couple years to really grow with each other in marriage and spend time with each other. If God chooses that I have a child prior to his graduation, we will obviously be overjoyed, but there is no harm in planning your future. I would love to have 3 children, but not having 6, does not mean I’m not being a biblical woman.

    1. I don’t think the author is putting down anyone who chooses to have children later in life. I can understand feeling this way because she is talking about her own experience of wishing she had children earlier. I think what she is saying is that you shouldn’t let people pressure you into deciding when to have children. It is something entirely up to you, your husband and God.

  522. Courtney, thank you so much for sharing your experience! I am now the grandmother of 14 wonderful human beings. I married when I was 20. Nine months and 3 days later had my first child. It’s all I ever wanted, to be a mother! When he was 11, I had my 6th child. Some of those days were difficult, especially with morning sickness when I still had a little one in diapers. I was blessed to be able to be a stay-home mom and to have a husband who always pitched in after work to help with whatever needed to be done. Their teen age years were a bit challenging but we all learned and grew. Now my youngest is in his mid 30’s, I am single and my kids and grands are such a great support and blessing in my life. I wouldn’t trade ANY of it for the choice to delay or to not have children! It is the greatest joy of aging! I feel so sad for those who either elected to or weren’t able to have children to comfort and love them in their later years!

  523. P.S.
    And yes! I always got the comment, “Don’t you know what’s causing it?” NO BODY ELSE’S BUSINESS!! 🙂

  524. Once I was unloading my three children alone at McDonald’s and an older gentleman started laughing and said we looked like a clown car! I was surprised that THREE kids piling out was seen as “a clown car” but like you said, 3-4 kids is a large family these days.

  525. Know what I always tell expecting parents: It’s easy to picture all the crappy stuff (sleepless nights, tantrums, actual crap) but you have no index for how much you’ll love it. Nothing in your life will have prepared you for that. That was my experience, anyway.

  526. I so salute you! I would give anything to be pregnant and having a family! I am single and turning 49 in a month, never had the opportunity to be married and my beliefs discourage sperm banks as do I, a child is supposed to be conceive in love by a loving husband and wife! I come from a very large family according to the world, I am one of eleven kids and we have a “ton” of grandkids and great grandkids. Yes it can get crazy when we are all together but we love each other even if we drive each other crazy. I also was given the” opportunity” to be a supstitute mom when my mom passed away 21 years ago, and now I am trying to help take care of an aging dad, I have never had the chance to move out of my house. Yes it’s hard, but I would give anything to carry a child inside of me and become a mom. So those of you who say wait and do everything else first, I have done a few things, but I would trade them to be “just” a mom!!!!!!!!!!

  527. Although I think you have very valid points in your blog, I am curious though about what you think about women who despite dating almost non stop most of their adult life but who are not married and do not have kids. Women who want a marriage and a family, but the Lord hasn’t seen fit to provide a husband and a family yet for these women. This blog makes it seem like God is punishing them for something even these are good Christian women. Please I’d like to know where these women fall into with regards to this blog. Are they to just sit around and do nothing with their life while waiting for God to provide them with a husband and a family? Or should they work towards a career and being able to support themselves on the off chance that God NEVER provides these women with the opportunity to get married and have a family in this life? I’m really curious as to what you think about these women. Would be grateful if you responded.

    1. I think that this BLOG has multiple interpretations. The way I understood it is that “children are a beautiful thing and a gift.” I do not think this blog was saying that you need to have 8 children, or that if a women decides to get a degree/work part time as a mother she is not doing the right thing. I also do not think it was downing on women who are single/unmarried. They can do so much. I know so many single women who are teachers, athletes, aunts, etc. and interact with children on a daily basis and change lives. I simply think it was just a reminder to all of us that it is not very appropriate to put down someone when they decided to have a baby on their own time, or a lot of them. I do agree with the fact that the gift of life is the greatest service you could ever give someone ever. Without it none of us would be here to experience this trying, but yet INCREDIBLE journey.

      1. The way that it’s said here though is in and of itself a put down of sorts though. There’s a fine line when talking about these kinds of issues and both sides should be considered carefully before posting something like this. The way that is blog is written is slightly disrespectful to those women who cannot have children or whom the Lord’s time hasn’t granted them the opportunity to have a spouse and children.

        Although I agree that children are a great gift. I think women such as yourself and the woman who wrote this blog should be a little more sensitive when saying that giving birth is the greatest gift of all because it WILL offend any woman (such as myself) who cannot have kids on their own.

        I’m just saying that there’s a reason why we are taught while growing up to think before we speak. I think children are a wonderful gift. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be a teacher. However, I will never conceive or carry a child in my body due to medical reasons. I may adpot if I ever get married. But as the young mother in this blog doesn’t like being told all the negative things about her joyous time being pregnant, I do not want people consistantly asking me why I don’t have any kids to painfully bring up the fact that I actually can’t.

        So like I said it’s a two way street and I feel that although she has valid points in this blog I think there would’ve been a MUCH MUCH MUCH better way of saying what she wanted to say without being so disrespectful to women who cannot bare children or haven’t been given the opportuinity yet.

    2. Hi there!!!

      My core readers are mostly married and/or moms. So when I was writing I was not thinking about single women. I did mention that our culture influenced me in my 20’s to go to college and get a job. And now I have regrets. This was just me sharing my journey. And as you can see from the HUGE amount of comments and facebook shares – this was not my imagination. Many other women experienced these same voices.

      And so I just wanted to fill my space with words that say “it’s okay” to go against the flow. God loves babies. He says they are a gift. So have those babies young or have 10 babies if you want, because God does not frown on them like this world does.

      I do have a paragraph in there about selfishness because we live in a “me first” society and having children requires laying ourselves down for another. And the two lifestyles clash with one another…and it’s something all moms face when they bring that baby home from the hospital.

      So to answer your question, I was not referring to single women. And I think that pursuing a career or God’s callling on your life is wonderful. God wants all of us – married and single to surrender our lives to his will. I believe that each of us have our own puzzles in life and there are no cookie cutter answers for everyone.

      God Bless!
      Courtney 🙂

      1. Thank you for taking the time to respond. It shows that you do care and listen to what your readers have to say. Thank you.

      2. Unfortunately, I am one of the childless people that were stung by your words. I am married and my husband and I have not been able to have children. We have spent MANY hours talking about what our options are, what we could do, what we should to. Together we decided that God has a different plan for us; although it may be unclear at times. To read things like, “[Parenting] is what God gave you time for” and “You are publicly testifying that you value what God values…” is hurtful. My life is no less satisfying, less full or lacking in value or testament because I don’t have children. God values many things and there are many ways to testify and enjoy God’s great gifts. My path through God’s plan has come with self-exploration, stuggle, painful realizations and hard decisions that I didn’t anticipate. I am not complaining. I have a rich and love-filled life; it’s just not the life I imagined when I was younger.

        “He says –be fruitful and multiply. He says – children are a reward.” OUCH! I think He also says to be kind and tenderhearted.

        By the way, I am not disagreeing with you general premise of the attitudes towards large families. I just found your message to be lacking in sensitivity to those of us whose Plan don’t include children.

  528. I have heard all the negative comments with all my pregnancy’s. I am set to deliver my 5th child (two in heaven) and my mother has been the biggest negative commenter. She has even gone so far as calling her own OBGYN to schedule me an appointment with him to get my tubes tied so another “problem like this will never happen to you again.” Yep that is what she calls her grandsons “problems” and has refered to this pregnancy as “your newest woopsie”. So hurtful. Children are a blessing from God. Yes I have horrible pregnancy issues, (loosing 40+ lbs due to morning sickness with each one, gestational diabetes, large children that stay breech forcing c-sections, anemia, vitamin D inefficiency and blood loss so sever with delivery that a transfusion is required.) I wouldn’t change it for the world. People that are negative just disappointment me.

  529. I am a husband of faithful and blessed woman, we have 8 beautiful children from 15 to 35 – six girls and two boys. We have 7 grandchildren and 1 on the way. We hope and pray for 20 or 30 more. They will bless our lives her and now and through eternity. I found this blog on my wife’s facebook. She asked me to read it. I am so glad I did. Thank each of you for your great faith in the face of such adversity In spite of it all, you find joy in the journey. Life is beautiful, yes it is hard, but it is so good and just gets better when you make wise and righteous choices. These choices will bless your lives and others for now and for eternity. All is possible because of grace, mercy, and goodness of God. The Lord Jesus Christ is our Savior and our Redeemer who will bless us with His enabling power to do every needful thing. Thank you all for your blessed lives. You have blessed mine this day. I know the Lord in His mercy will bless all women struggling with infertility. They will someday be able to have and bear children, in this life, during the millenium, or in heaven above. They will never be denied any blessing in God’s timing. We live by faith, everything good coming from a loving Father in Heaven in His way and in His time.

  530. My twin sister and I are the youngest of 12 so I’ve heard all those comments A LOT!!! My parents loved and cared for all of us the best they could, and I know that none of us kids would change anything. Big families are a blessing. My husband and I got married when I was 27, and now I’m 28 and expecting our first baby in December. We’re still in the “danger zone”, and I’m scared out of my mind about what to do with a baby and how it will change everything… but my heart breaks every time I think about the possibility of miscarriage. I wish I’d have met my husband sooner and gotten married younger, but things don’t usually work out the way we plan, because Someone Else knows the grander scheme. I’m grateful for what I have now, and extra grateful for your sweet blog!

  531. Wow. This hit me hard – I am tempted to believe the lie all too often. Thank you for speaking truth to me today! May the Lord bless you for it.

  532. Thank you so much for this post! I needed it. I am soon to be a mother of two at the young age of 25! Coming from a rural community in Utah, I don’t get a whole lot of flack about having children young from the locals. But when I talk with my peers from the college program I graduated from, I feel inferior and discouraged about my situation. While many of them are traveling and making money without the burden of having diapers to change, I am dealing with a whiny toddler. At times I feel discouraged, like my degree and talents are being wasted within the confines of motherhood.
    It is SO encouraging to learn that there are truly other women out there who believe in families and that a calling as a mother is a sacred one in which we sacrifice ourselves so that a child can have the happiness and love they deserve. I am a firm believer that my role as a woman is divine and it would be a waste to NOT let my body become the home of another for nine months.

  533. I think much of the negativity surrounding perpetual procreation is the massive amount of irresponsibility among many of those who do so. And I think the end part of this blog post – the first part of which I found interesting – is part of the reason, as well, as many women like this take on a “god complex”, as it were, and don’t simply stand for themselves but believe they are on a pedestal above every other woman for doing so because their choice is the more “godly” and “womanly” in their eyes.

    There are many women like my mother, who had nine children and went into doing so from the get go in full knowledge of what she was sacrificing because it was what she truly wanted and she found happiness in. I have an enormous amount of respect and love for her for that, among many others aspects. But too many other women go into it with innocent naivete, believing simply that their “god will provide” without taking much account into the huge burden and responsibility that accompanies mature and effective parenthood. And still other women are raised and made to feel obligated to be a barefoot baby factory and give up the lives they truly want because they are made to feel inferior or “unrighteous” or, worse still, “unwomanly” if they don’t.

    Having children is like choosing a career: not all paths work for all people, and more than that, not all paths should work for all people. People need to do what is right for them, what they truly want, and what they are truly prepared for. The only “right” choice is the choice that is suited for that individual making it.

    If a person does that – no matter their choice – fully aware of the choice they are making and their own volition, they can each achieve the highest levels of happiness in life, because it will be on their own terms and suited to their unique identities.

    And, as a necessary aside, the man’s perspective and desires are just as valid and important for such decisions as the woman’s. He is not merely a baby maker any more than a woman is merely a baby baker. Effective parenthood requires a mutual team effort, not merely the clichéd image of the provider and the homemaker.

  534. Hey, Thank you for sharing this. Lately, I have been really burdened about things on the news and in our society that are so anti-family and anti-God. It was really, really nice to read about you and your friend standing up for God and His truths that make us free.

  535. Your post was excellent Courtney!!
    We had #1 and “Number Done” before a vasectomy to finalize our family. I got pregnant miraculously and share the complete story on my blog. Baby #3 has changed me. I see kids as a blessing now and not a project or something to check off the old “to do/to have” list. My miracle baby changed my life and my perspective on pregnancy, children and family. God does pretty amazing things sometimes! We shared our story so people in our situation would know they weren’t alone {because I didn’t find anyone like me 4 years ago!}.
    I am so grateful to God and for the blessings in my life!
    I just wish I named my post “pregnancy after “successful” vasectomy”! haha!
    http://aproductiveendeavor.blogspot.com/2012/01/pregnant-after-failed-vasectomy.html

  536. Normally I don’t comment when reading articles with comments. I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s stories and comments. They make me so happy to read and this article!!! I guess I am only at the beginning of this. I am currently pregnant with my first child (I am only 22 years old) and about 9 weeks long. I am finishing my degree with summer in Marriage and Family Studies. I am excited to be a mother, and my husband is excited to be a father. The negative comments I’ve received before I was pregnant was about my career choice and making sure that I got pregnant after my degree. I am glad that I waited about a year before trying to get pregnant to spend time with my husband, and mentally get ready to be a parent. However, I am ready to start my eternal career as a mother. I know people look down upon me for wanting to be a stay-at-home mother (and everyone is different), but I am excited to see my children grow and not miss those moments. It’s fun to see my husband getting excited in wanting to know the gender and dreaming of playing with his future child(ren). (He is hoping our first is a girl). I know God wanted me to put my family first than any career that the world can offer me. Children are a great, wonderful, amazing blessing. We can learn a lot from them as parents/adults.
    For those trying to have children, don’t give up! You will have your own children soon whether through natural conception, en-vitro or even though adoption. You will be a great parent. 🙂 Those who have children (even 4 +) that’s awesome!!! ^_^

  537. I agree that no one has a right to say terrible things to you, and I am always grateful for insights into why people choose to start having kids when they do (and what regrets they may have).

    I do not think it was your intent, but I hope this does not inspire others to judge people who *do* decide to wait to have kids. For some people, the travel, the career, etc, is what they are supposed to do. It allows them to develop into the people they are meant to be, develop into the parents they are meant to be, and provide service for and inspiration for people outside their families.

    I believe the Christian message is to stop judging. This applies to people who choose to have kids and to people who choose to wait (or not have kids at all). We are all on different paths, and that is okay.

  538. I married at 16 and had my kids at 17 & 19. If I had it to do over again, I would have married at 25+ and not had kids till I was 30.

  539. I think that it is fair to note that people can separate the experience of being pregnant from the experience of having children. I have a one year old, and while I absolutely love him and adore being his mother, being pregnant was the worst time of my life. I wouldn’t change it because it brought me him, but I certainly empathize with those who hate being pregnant and don’t see it as a reflection on their view of being mothers. Besides, no matter how wonderful being a mother is, it is hard, and I think it is perfectly acceptable to be realistic about that.

  540. Hello! Thank you for continuing to encourage women to have babies & to trust in Him when doing so!

    I have 5 kiddos and there is always something ugly that comes out of someones mouth. I get asked almost daily if we are done. I always tell them my husband would like one more & the look on their face is like I just told them I had two heads.

    We are always hesitent when telling family we are expecting another one. If the Lord gives us another baby then I will handle it differently and not be scared to annouce the little one. I know that He sees what we need & puts those things in place. I should not be made to feel less than because God is giving me more kiddos than what is the norm. Thank God that I live in this and am not of this world!

  541. I wish this article had been around 8 years ago when I had our first daughter. I got married at 22 to an amazing man. I knew I was marrying young, but I had very high standards and felt like my hubby was one of the best catches out there. (He still is!) We unintentionally got pregnant our first year of marriage and had our daughter 4 days after our 1 year anniversary (I was 23 when we had her). We wanted kids young, but planned on waiting 3 yrs. into our marriage. What’s that saying? We make plans and God laughs…? 🙂 Anyway, my Mom told me that I was throwing my life away, that this baby was a huge mistake and not a God Thing. I was lucky that my in-laws were ecstatic and supportive, as were my friends. My pregnancy was not easy with either of my 2 girls. I look young for my age so women thought I was a teen mom and treated me with much hatred. I received ugly comments and nasty looks during both pregnancies. I had very little support or love from other moms. Women should be less judgmental and more supportive of each other. Sometimes we forgot to walk a mile in another woman’s shoes before we pass judgment.

  542. Thank you for this post. This is a message many women need to hear. The social pressure to not have children is so strong.

  543. I LOVE this post. We do live in opposite world.
    I have two boys ages 3 and 9mos and I always get asked if we’re going to try again for a girl or do I wish I had a girl. And I don’t. God gave us the babies He did for a reason. I love my boys and wouldn’t trade them in for a girl any day. I’m sure it would be true if we had been giving girls. We are done having kids due to medical reasons for me but I am content with the family God has given us.

  544. I really appreciate this post, but I think many of us need to be careful not to look at a young woman and assume that because she is delaying children it is because she sides with the world instead of God. I am 23, and my husband and I were absolutely ready to start having children with each other. I went to my doctor for a physical and was diagnosed with an auto-immune induced hyperthyroid that makes it very dangerous for me (and an unborn child) to have a pregnancy.

    I personally believe that God revealed this to me when He did so that I would not have to suffer through unexplained miscarriages for years before getting the diagnosis. I now have time to take over the next year or two to get my levels under control with medication (also not safe for pregnancy), before being able to try to have children again. I look at this as a blessing, because I want to do what I am called to do as a mother, and God insured I did not suffer needlessly.

    Be careful when you look at the good women around you to not judge someone for not having a baby early… For many, the soul is willing but the flesh is weak.

    1. Thank you for this comment. I am in my late 40’s now, but I was 25 when I had my first child and 28 when I had my second. We fully intended on a third or even fourth, but kiddo #2 was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal condition at three years old and has had many, many challenges! She is 20 now and we love her to the moon and back, but we decided after many years in diagnostic centers and hospitals that two is where we were going to stop. I believe God has honored that choice FOR US. If God has called you to have ten children (bio/adopted or some of each)…I think that is wonderful and bless you! But we also don’t want to be superior to those who chose to have one or two either by calling them selfish or that it is a sin to use non-abortive birth control. We have to do what it is God is calling us to do as families and only that family knows the situation, health, finances etc…. We should be loving each other no matter what, not judging each other by how many children we have or don’t have!

  545. I couldn’t resist posting… I don’t usually, but I wanted to share. Maybe somebody will read this and take courage.

    I am pregnant with our 7th child. And we are ALL excited! My children are especially excited for another sibling. Each child is a treasure and a blessing. I’ve experienced lots of looks and bold comments, but I hold my head high and my children are my jewels. When people ask if I know what causes that, I reply “Yes! Can you tell I have a happy marriage? :)” (That, or if I’m feeling sassy, I say “Isn’t it great? We’re trying to catch up with the Duggars!” They don’t know what to say after that. LOL)

    This time to annouce #7, who is due at Christmas, I made cute little scrapbooky gifty looking cards that said “This gift is Redeemable for one grandchild (or niece or nephew as the case was) around Christmas”. Everyone was pretty surprised when they opened their mail that day. And the best part? I got to celebrate this little one my way. Any nay-sayers had a private moment to get over it without me there. 🙂

    Some people misjudge me, that it must be easy for me to have so many. It isn’t. I have had to grow grace by grace. I have been through major illness, miscarriage, and even a long bout of infertility in between #3 & 4. (I know, hard to believe now that I am having #7, but that’s a blog for another day.) But really, I am just like any of you. I take one day at a time and I trust in the Lord with all mine heart. He guides me and gives me grace and mercy. When I fall, He helps me back up and I try again.

    My pregnancies are not easy and never have been. I spend the first half of them on bed rest with terrible, terrible morning sickness. (I don’t know why they call it morning, when it lasts all 24 hours!) In fact, I am writing to you from my couch, sick, where I’ll spend most of my day. I spend the last half of each pregnancy still nauseous, but at least able to get up and do things again. It’s a sacrifice, certainly. But one that I am willing to make. I just couldn’t return home to my Savior and those little unborn babies and say, “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t do it. I kow I told you I would be your mom, but it was so much harder than I thought. I gave up.” Nope. I couldn’t. Besides, when I get to see their little smiles and get their little (and big) kisses, it washes away every tear I’ve shed.

    If you be a Hannah or a Sarah and are yet waiting for your own little blessing, hang in there! I have been blessed by many women like you who have nurtured and mothered me and my children. I know it does not feel the same to you, but I do want you to know you are a blessing too, and a mother, and I sincerely thank you for the love you share so freely.

    So…to all you Moms… whether the Lord blesses you with 1 or 20, May God bless each of you for being willing to be a Mother and for always taking that matter to Him. May He bless each of you for your righteous desire and give you grace and mercy, strength for the day. Hugs fellow mommies! Carry on! 🙂

  546. I loved your post. Once my mother, troubled with stress of life, said to my dad: “I wish we would have waited longer to have kids”. My dad replied to her: “Ok, then please tell me which one of your kids you wish we would have never had?” and each one of my siblings. My mother could not answer that question. She’s now 60, she raised 6 children, and every time I talk with her on the phone, I can feel her happiness. Life wasn’t easy for her, but it was rewarding. She doesn’t have a “career”, but she’s in our eyes, the most accomplished woman in the world, and she feels that way.

    I believe a woman can have a career and be a mother at the same time. I will support my wife if she wants to have a career. I will support her in all her goals. I will love her with all my heart. We will decide together when and how many children we will have. That will be a decision between us and God. It will be OUR decision. We won’t let pop culture as well as our church’s culture to determine our lives.

  547. We had five wonderful years as newlyweds, the day after our 5th annaversary our beautiful son was born. (we were not “trying” to have children, But we were not doing anything to prevent it either) we placed it in God’s hands, and by His love and the love of a young unwed mother, we became parents. (not planned on adopting either, but God works in mysterious and wonderful ways!) I would not trade the years before children, but the years with children have been sooooooo much more rich/rewarding/exciting full of laughter, joy, sprinkled with a little heartbreak, worry, stress, but more happiness than I would have ever imagined. After our third adoption I carried a child to term and was blessed with our fourth “brother from another mother” I get the questions when people find out we have both adopted & biological (and one on the way) “why couldn’t you get pregnant before?” Who knows? because our family was supposed to be put together another way, and without it we wouldn’t have the wonderful “extended” family that we have, and so many more people to love our children and cheer at the sporting events they are involved in. 🙂 I am considered an OLDER pregnant lady which some think is crazy, And if Crazy means to have tons of fun, laughter, tears, exciting moments, sad moments, learning experiences, pride & joy, melting heart moments, emergencies, always on the go, oftentimes cold showers (because I’m the last to get in) Shocking discoveries, noisy times, quiet times, lots of amusing conversations, Love, Love, Love, a very full heart, Then YES I am TOTALLY CRAZY AND LOVE IT! We can’t imagine life without children, I have to admit, I don’t always appreciate my children as much as I should, But if I could go back and change anything, maybe I’d change things I have said or how I have behaved a few times. 😉 but when it comes to having children, I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING.

  548. I am 26 an expecting my 3rd child. When I went in for our first appointment the nurse asked if this was my first and I responded with ‘No my 3rd’. “Wow you are a young Mom!” she exclaimed. I love my 3 and 1 year old and nothing could make me happier. It is crazy and hectic and stressful at time but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have a college education and am glad I do for the future. But for now I am grateful to be at home with my young children.

  549. Thank you for your words. I am currently pregnant with #3 and unfortunately this will be our last biological baby. The doctors do not think it is safe to have another one because of c-sections and scarring. 🙁 However, I’m also 36 and that has been “thrown in my face” by a lot of people (medical personnel, my family, etc). I can remember my grandmother who had her first baby at 17 tell me one time that I needed to hurry up if I wanted to have children because I would soon be too old. In my 20’s when I “should” have been thinking about children I was in a terrible marriage that ultimately ended in divorce by the time I was 28. Because my grandparents had been young parents and then my parents were young when they had my brother and me, I thought my life was over because I wouldn’t have my children until I was in my 30’s (if at all). I’ve now been blessed with 2 beautiful babies and one that kicks me all day and night (to be born next Friday) and I could not be happier!
    However, what this blog also taught me is to not take this gift for granted. To step back and love on those babies daily and to keep my anger in check with my heavenly Father. Thank you for your your words.

  550. I think people just get offended too easily these days. Most people are not trying to offend, they are just making a comment, and maybe they didn’t think through their words perfectly before speaking. We all do this at times, so let’s try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

  551. Oooh, I just want to add my Mother’s favorite quip to the “Seriously, you’re having more?” comments. She usually says, “Well, when they’re as cute as they aren’t, why wouldn’t I want a dozen of them?” =) She just so happens to be expecting her tenth while I’m pregnant with my first – she got pregnant right before I married four months ago. I think it’s wonderful, and so old-fashioned. Do any of you have thoughts about mother/daughter pregnancies? 🙂

    1. That is SO cool! My mom and I were pregnant for about 4 months together. 🙂 She had her baby on October, and we’re due any day now with our first precious bundle! Can not WAIT! 😀

  552. Thank you for having the courage and faith to post this. We need more women in the world like you!

  553. I was on the verge of tears after reading your article. After having 2 children with ease, our third one came unexpectedly and I found myself hiding and avoiding the joy of pregnancy because so many other women I knew were struggling to get pregnant. Here I am two years later debating with hubby if #4 is in the picture and was totally touched by your words. A wakeup call that the Lord truly does bless us and that motherhood is a calling we were created to fulfill. Thank you again.

  554. So you don’t want to be judged, but you’re assuming I’m selfish because I made the choice to have one child…..when I was older, after my career was established, when I was financially secure, and after I’d traveled? Please practice what you preach.

  555. Thank you so much for this encouraging post! My husband and I married when he was 19 and I was 18, fresh out of high school for me, and he was just about to hit his 1 year mark in the military. In just under 2 years our oldest was born. Some might say that was ‘normal’ timing, but what came next was probably less than normal – a year later, almost to the date, our 2nd was born (not our timing, GOD’S timing), then almost 2 years to the date God sent us #3 (once again, HIS timing!), then a year and a half later, number 4 – a horrible time most to have a baby, most would say, since my husband had just transferred from active duty to National Guard, and had no steady civilian job at the time and we had almost NO money! Then, a year and a half later, when had our 5th (yehap – you guessed it. God planned that one for us as well, because there were MANY things that would make it seem to be bad timing this time – that is, if you forget that God knew what He was doing!). The last two babies we have had were born when we had the least money, not sure how to cover insurance to be able to even have them. And here’s where God came in and said, “Don’t worry – I am taking care of you and THEM – after all, I planned them and know what to do!” In the first years of their lives, my youngest two together cost less on diapers and baby food than just one of the older three alone – how did that happen? God did it. My youngest didn’t have to have diapers bought for him by my husband and I for the first YEAR of his life – no, we didn’t win a contest or have freebies from somewhere – God just provided for him. We have homeschooled since my oldest was 4 – she will be 9 this Fall. We have never bought any type of curriculum, God just sent what we needed when we needed it. Currently, we Montessori Homeschool which is very expensive if you have to buy everything – instead, God has made a way. I have heard many many times people ask if we ‘knew what caused this’ and ‘are you going to have as many as the Duggars?’ (since I guess I didn’t realize that 19 and 5 were so close to each other!). I thank God for each of my blessings, and would take more any day of the week if God sent them. My baby is now 2, and we have never gone this long since we’ve been married without having a newborn in the house. We may be finished – and if that is what God’s will is, that’s fine with me. But He knows what he is doing, and for someone to say or think otherwise is robbing themselves of a blessing! We started young, we grew up fast together, and we have the biggest joy ever when it comes to these children – yes there are bad days, yes it takes a great deal of patience, yes there are things that won’t be easy – but the end result is still far greater than anything man could do on his own, greater than any career (I promise, any career woman can be replaced in no less than a month with someone who can do just as good, if not better, than she can, but no good mother can ever be replaced!), better than a vacation, traveling, or any financial success that we MIGHT have had, had we waited! Visit my homeschool blog at http://www.nogreaterhonors.blogspot.com – meet my blessings and see what God has done!

  556. I was out sightseeing with my family yesterday. We paused while my sister took a photo of my family. A couple passing by said (quite loudly) “They have FOUR boys?” “oh no, no one would have FOUR children!” Ya want a bet buddy! I’m living my dream I’ve had all my life, and its a challenge, a roller-coatser, a blast, but most of all a blessing. and I don’t think i’m done having kids yet!

  557. i LOVE this. i love it when i get to hear from other women who share my views.
    i WISH i was in a position to hear negative comments from women of the world.
    i lost my husband when we were trying for our second child, so one is all i have
    … so far.
    i hope someday to have many more children (if my aging self is able).
    my son knows how special he is to me. he knows that he is a blessing in my life because i tell him every day over and over and over how much i love him. i spend time with him, i joke with him, i play with him, i read with him, i teach him about Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and that they love him.
    again, thank you!!! i loved this posting.

  558. let me clarify…
    the reason i WISH i was in a position to hear negative comments from women of the world is because that would mean i was living my dream of having lots of children. i hope that made sense. 🙂

  559. We were blessed with 13 children and have found that our greatest maturation as adults was through parenting. All of our children are grown now and I can say that not all of our years were easy ones (death of a son) and so forth. However, now that we are in our senior years, I can truthfully say that I love my companion more each day because of what we have endured together.

    1. what advice would you give yourself as a mommy of your children when they were younger? if you could go back?

  560. Let me preface this comment with this disclaimer: I am not a “self-centered child hater” or whatever the blogger would try to label people of my persuasion. The blogger quite obviously does not understand the reasons behind why a lot of people don’t agree with the decision to have a lot of children and/or the decision to have them at a young age. So, let me defend the people she attacks without any knowledge of their position.

    I personally don’t so much have a problem with people having babies young; that’s their prerogative, provided they are able to support the child/ren without government assistance (aka, my tax dollars). But let me articulate the real, genuine reason – of which I think the author of this blog is unaware – some people don’t approve of youngsters in the 18-22ish age range having babies. Most American women in that age range have not fully explored what they want to do with their lives and many have absolutely no idea what they want out of life yet. I don’t agree with people making snide remarks to young women who are already pregnant, but the thinking behind it is NOT that “children ruin lives” and “you need to live it up before having kids.” The thinking is that this young woman does not yet truly know what she wants from life, even if she thinks she does. I know I had no idea what I wanted until I was around 22 or 23, though I thought I did at times (incidentally, the human brain does not even fully mature until 22 or 23ish). Once that 18-,19-, or 20-year-old woman makes the quite permanent decision to have a baby, she can’t ever take that decision back if, one day a couple years down the road, she realizes that going into medicine or law or being a social worker would bring her a lot of happiness and fulfillment. At that point it’s late in the game and very difficult to begin a career path with a small child. At that point, her 20-year-old self has, for practical purposes, chosen her life’s path. It’s sort of the same reasoning behind why it’s not a good idea to get a tattoo when you’re 18: doing something that is so extraordinarily permanent at an age when many, if not most, people change their minds from day to day is ill-advised. Later on, at the age of 25, 26, etc., if she still feels strongly about becoming a mother and is still certain that doing so will be her greatest fulfillment and her greatest possible contribution to society, it’s a much better bet that she will not look back on her life and wish she had done something more with it (and, yes, that does happen even though it’s taboo to talk about).

    Now, I feel much more strongly about the number of children a couple has than I do about the time in their lives they choose to have them. Any historian and most theologians will tell you the Bible must be interpreted as a historical document in the context of when it was written and to whom it was written. This is why it irks me to no end when Christians use the “be fruitful and multiply” command, which is basically only found in Genesis, as justification for having droves of children. The only humans toward which the command was directed were Adam and Eve, Noah and his sons, and Jacob. It is abundantly obvious why God would command Adam and Eve and Noah’s family to “be fruitful and multiply”; they were the only people on the planet at the time, so of course they had to populate/repopulate the earth! I’m not sure of the historical context behind the command when it was given to Jacob, but my guess would be that God perhaps wanted to increase the number of his Jewish people, but, again, at that point in history the earth was not very populous. The point is that the command “be fruitful and multiply” was NOT directed at me and you in the 21st Century world that is beginning to run short on resources and, in many parts, become very overpopulated. We live in a world that has a surplus of unwanted children who grow up in orphanages and foster homes around the world (what’s that New Testament command…something about true religion = caring for orphans?). We no longer live on the empty earth that Adam and Noah needed to populate. We do, however, still live on the earth of which God commanded mankind to “be good stewards.” Could it be that being a good steward to the earth means not producing more offspring when so many of the world’s resources are being taxed and depleted? And when there are so many orphans in the world? Children are a reward and a blessing, but can you really say “I need 4 (or 5 or 6 or 7) children in order to REALLY be blessed”? Are you less blessed somehow if you only have 1 or 2? And what about those orphan children? Are they less of a reward or blessing than biological children?

    I think it is really unfortunate and uncharitable when people try to argue against a certain position and end up stabbing at thin air because they do not know what the other side has to say. I love good, open public discourse, but this type of mistake is a real hinderance to honest debate. Based on the arguments I have presented, I believe there is nothing wrong with having few or no children and young women (and men) should explore their options through academics, the work force, and volunteerism before deciding the course their life will take, whether that be with or without children.

  561. I gave birth to my first child at the age of 19, and my 15th child at the age of 45. My husband and I have been married for 30 years. Our children are our greatest treasures and blessings–don’t believe what the world says, trust God!

  562. I have not yet met the man I am going to marry, or if I have I don’t know it yet, so I am not a mom yet, but I have already started receiving negative comments about the number of children I want to have. When people ask I tell them I want a large family, ideally, if my body can handle it, at least 8-10. People then ask if I realize how many children that is. Yes, I am the oldest of 9 children, I do realize exactly how many that is, probably better than the people asking me, who come from a family of 3-4 and have 2 children. I realize exactly how crazy life is with that many children, how messy things are, how little time there is, how much cooking and laundry and dishes there is. I also was old enough when my 3 youngest siblings were born that I remember sitting in the rocking chair, holding them while they slept and just staring at them in amazement, because they were so beautiful and wonderful and innocent and amazing. I remember loving them so much and wondering how much stronger that feeling was going to be when I was holding my own children. I want that more than anything. I tried to express my desire for children to an older lady from my church once, and she told me that SHE didn’t get married until she was 25, and SHE didn’t have her first child until she was 35, and I shouldn’t be in such a hurry, and that before I make the decision to get married or have children I had better pray for a good, LONG time to make sure I was getting the answer the Lord wanted me to get, not the answer I wanted to get. I wanted to tell her that marrying and having children was what the Lord wanted us to do, but I decided she wasn’t going to listen, she was getting really contentious, so I ended the conversation. That conversation made an impression on me, though, because I had only met that woman an hour before, but already she felt comfortable enough to imply that what I wanted to do in a very personal area of my life was not what the Lord wanted me to do.

  563. “opposite world”?? no…let’s call “thankfully rational world”….or “finally the rhetoric is changing world”
    I’m sorry, may I remind you that we have a very popular show called 16 and pregnant on TV? The pressures of this world are to get married and have kids immediately, that has been the rhetoric for centuries and it IS detrimental to women! This “opposite world” stuff is fabricated just to justify your feelings…but you can’t change the facts just to fit your fiction.

    That said, you don’t need to justify your desire to have kids.

  564. This is so beautiful. This just warms my heart. I love how at the end it says, if you think your to young remember Mary was young. I am a 25 year old mother of four, all under the age of six ( 9 months, 2 years, 4 years & six years.) . I always get the, well gosh how many are you going to have, or that’s enough just stop already. If I could have more I would. All my children were delivered by Cesarean section, so when I had my last the Dr. told me it would be very detrimental if I have anymore. SAD and HURTING. I give as much as possible to my children, including all my time. Hints: why I’m going crazy. I homeschool, and cook everything from scratch due to food allergies in all my children. My husband works at night, so during the day it’s mainly my children and me. Yes my hands are completely full. Loving every moment though. I have very little support, and I mean very little. It’s literally just my husband and me. ( and God of course) At times I feel so warn down and stressed out. I allow negative thoughts like your to young to understand how to be a good mother, or only if I were older would I be able to overlook certain things my children do. I always feel inadequate. God is really working on me. It’s so hard to get myself out of how I think. My husband always says, that we are products of our family. Meaning we can see what they did and copy ( if Godly), or we can see what they did and choose to change ( change the negativity). I want that change. This has just reassured me that no matter what age I am or how hard my trials are God is the ultimate decider over my life. I am so desperately leaning on him right now, more than I ever have in life before. My heart yearns for him. Thank you Courtney for listening to God and delivering these life changing messages. Never have I felt so encourage than when I read one of your post and realize that I’m not alone.

    1. i love this! thank you for your honesty! seek 2nd/3rd opinions about having more… if that is what you and you husband desire… so encouraged by your post…

  565. My two children are 21 months apart and it was my own family (parents and grandparents) that were the most negative when we announced my pregnancy. Fortunately, my inlaws were excited for us. I LOVE having my kids close, there has never been any jealousy or resentment, and I feel that it has made me a better mother. I was 16 weeks pregnant with my oldest when I graduated with my Associate’s degree and 24 weeks pregnant with my second when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree. I took my certification and licensure test being 36 weeks pregnant with my second child. Almost everyone told me that there was no way I could be pregnant and finish school at the same time and I know that it was through the Lord’s help that I was able to do so. I know that the Lord has a plan for our lives and that things work out exactly how they need to. My husband worked for Hostess for 5 years and when they shut down, I had just been offered a great job with a great company using my degree. Allen lost his job on Friday and I began my job on Monday. Going to school while pregnant and raising a child was not ideal but it was exactly what needed to happen to provide for our family a couple of years down the road. Thank you for this post. It was the boost I needed to reaffirm my confidence that I am doing what God wants me to be doing.

  566. Thank you, a friend actually posted this link on my facebook page today and said I sounded just like you. Thank you so much. Pregnancy has been hard, the last time my water broke at 26 weeks. we are currently pregnant with number 7 and guess what I REFUSE to complain. I REFUSE to take this blessing for granted. Thank you so much for this post. I cannot wait to look around your blog this evening

  567. Thank you very much for speaking up. I am engaged, 20 years old, in college, and excited to marry this wonderful man on August 2nd. I shared this on my Facebook page, and one of my friends approached me very concerned and asked me if I was already thinking about having a baby. I said we would wait a little while, in which she replied saying “Good! Birth control is really cheap”. It really isn’t anyone’s business when we have children. It’s between my husband, me and the Lord. I also find it offensive she would bring that up because she has the audacity to assume the role to teach me about birth control as if I am ignorant (being a virgin/waiting for marriage). Sometimes, it is very important to speak up, so thank you again. I need little boosters like these.

  568. I love this post! I am a single Mom to a wonderful 11year old. Had I waited, I wouldn’t have been able to have even one! Still though, I have people all the time giving me the doomsday reports! I have an amazing, respectful, smart, and kind girl with no backtalk who follows Christ. I constantly hear about how the shoe is going to drop and she is going to turn into a monster teenage girl though! I’m not buying it!

  569. We have 5 children…ages 23, 22, 29, 16 and 7! After suffering 2 miscarriages we were thrilled to have our 5th child—and I was 43 years old! You can imagine the “comments” that I heard! I never wanted to be defensive or disrespectful, but when one person smiled and asked, “Don’t you have a TV in your bedroom?” I quickly asked, “You prefer watching TV than—?” and let my voice trail off as I smiled right back at them! Be encouraged Moms…enjoy your pregnancies and enjoy your children…they ARE a blessing from the Lord!

  570. My husband and I married when I was 18, 6 months out of high school. We had our first child the day before my 26th birthday. Yes, we watied. BUT, we waited because we believed that was what God was telling us to do. Now, I am 40. We have 4 children… 15, 13, 5 and 23 months old. You can do the math. Of course, we’ve heard ALL kinds of comments. It’s really sad how humans can not be happy for one another and are quick to be judgemental… but, I recognize, we all have our inner enemies that war against us, especially if we do not have peace and freedom in our own “land.” (minds) Our children are amazing blessings and miracles. We are thankful for each one. While we always wanted 4, the timing of our 4 was a suprise blessing. We do not plan to have any more children and that are family has reached it’s fullness. (Now, we’ll see if what we believe is in agreement with God..hehe) I believe EACH family must hear what God’s direction, plan and provision is for them. Each of us have divine destinies – carefully and thoughfully detailed in Him. It is presuming too much on my part if I look at another family -with or without children – and think ANYTHING negative. I do pray we – each – have the freedom from the worlds concepts of “the right way to do it”and hear what He is saying – with NO limitations. We are our own worst enemy when we put restrictions on ourselves (And God’s possibilities) due to our age, timing, what others will think or say, etc. It is a struggle sometimes. I got so annoyed with the doctors constant comments about my ädvanced maternal age”with our last 2 children. Really? I was 34 and 38. That is NOT too old! My grandmother had TWINS at 44 and she had 3 other children, while functioning in a wheel chair the first 9 years of the twins lives. If she can do it – I have NOTHING to complain about! I can do it and am thankful for the opportunity to do it! LIFE is our great adventure… He knows what He’s doing and why. I pray for all of us – that we be able to give each other grace, trust Him and His plans, have the grace to be where we are… find joy where we are, peace for those struggling with infertility… God’s fruitfulness to come forth, His provision, joy and absolute BEST in their lives… Praying healing for those who have lost children, that God bring them comfort that carries them through… Praying we each have freedom – of mind – to hear His direction and plans… have restoration and healing where pain resides… praying peace over our futures and the details our lives. Praying we can stand (at rest) in boldness and confidence, in Him, knowing His plan for each of our lives is a divine appointment – created long before we were conceived – that we not let anything or anyone diminish those plans (in our lives – or diminish the plans in another’s life)… If we can know that His plans are the best plans – for me… the same is for others – grace is an amazing thing, but we can choose to not let it in our lives. I do not have to be jealous or compare myself to anyone. There is no measuring rod that says we are less than or more than because we are not the same. I have friends who are single, married, 1 child, 2 children, 5 children, etc. There is no competition – and shouldn’t be. We should be free to hear Him, His direction and His plan…free to let others do the same. Hoping and prayng that we each – be free to hear Him… Freedom, joy and peace are priceless! I am thankful for our life. I am thankful for the lives of my friends. God is a good God. He knows what He is doing and can be trusted. His blessings are wonderful, beyond words. His faithfulness is never-ending. His love is greater than anything we can imagine. And, His freedom.. well, it is freeing! Thankful!!!! 🙂

  571. How timely is this post. I married my high school sweetheart two Weeks after I graduated high school in 2006. We had our first in 2007, miscarried in early 2009, had another baby in late 2009, and then another in late 2011. I just found out we are expecting our fourth, due in January, and we are THRILLED! But I’m scared to death to tell some of my family, especially my mom. She has gotten more and more upset with each pregnancy, and I’m dreading telling her we are expecting again. This post is so encouraging, hopefully I can keep it in mind when my mom flies off the handle when I tell her!

  572. I Loved reading this! I married my high school sweet heart in 2005. I was 19 and he was 21, we waited 6 months and got pregnant with our first and only boy we now have 4 kids 6 and under. 1 boy and 3 girls and people think were CRAZY! we are done having kids but boy do I feel blessed. I just turned 27 and we will be married for 8 years this year and feel like we have so much time ahead!! Thanks you 🙂

  573. During premarital counseling our pastor told us to wait a couple of years before having kids. We had already decided that we didn’t want to put it off, and thankfully we didn’t listen! Right after we got married I had a checkup with a new OBGYN and asked for a pregnancy test. The doc asked why we were trying to get pregnant so soon after getting married. I told her that we really wanted to have kids. She told me that all her friends that got pregnant right after getting married regret it now. I couldn’t believe my ears! Needless to say I never went to her again. Our first son was born 11 months after our wedding day and our second son is 5 months. The joy of having children is inexplicable. It’s the toughest job in the world but also the most rewarding. 🙂

  574. Y’know, my at the time fiancee and I became pregnant with our first child- which was amazing really because he was medically sterile. Two of the older leaders in our church called the pregnancy a mistake.

    I have never gotten over how much that had wounded me. I now am a divorced 23 year-old mother of two, and I honestly can’t wait to have more children. At least two. My heart desires more kids. Logically I know I need to wait a while, but emotionally my soul longs for more.

    The good news? My boyfriend and I are finally buying a place and becoming more financially stable. 😉

  575. As passionate Christ followers we need to be gracious with one another… I am reminded of how gracious He has been with me and has blessed me with people in my life that are also gracious with me… there is so much hurt and pain surrounding this part of our womanhood (having children, think back to Gen. and the fall of man, there is lots of different kinds of pain associated with child birth)… it would be great if as Christian women we could love and spur each other along… being quiverful-minded, does not always mean He will bless you with a quiver, He cares about the heart of the matter, that we are following after Him, according to the Bible in submission to our husband, and desire His will above all else! I will consider it a joy if someone says “you have your hands full” because the truth is, if you have 1 or 14… you do have your hands full… and that’s ok… children are a blessing, just like the Lord could bless people with finances/money… would anyone ever be offended if someone said your hands are full… and you had 2 fists full of $$$… when we as believing moms are out and about with our family, we need to know that others are watching us… what a great blessing that families & children get noticed, this is our chance to be a light and have our kiddos practice being a blessing to others (are they polite, kind, or running through the store yelling about the crackers they cant have)… I am grateful to know that there is such a strong community of women striving after Jesus and am so encouraged by you all!

  576. reading through some more posts… I feel so much of it is how we approach things and our enthusiasm, if someone asks “are you done”… joyfully with a smile saying; “no, we just love children and feel they are a blessing, and will take as many as the Lord gives us”… Im sure they will walk away with a smile too, and if not Im sure they will not soon forget their encounter with you and your wonderful children!

  577. I love this post. My husband and I have been considering having children for a while now and it is these exact negative comments that have scared me into waiting. It was always you are too young, or you are still in school, or don’t you want to travel? I am in Grad. School now and that just seemed like one more thing to hold me back and then after that working. I finally prayed to God and said if this is what is right I need help knowing because I really want it but I am getting confused with all the people telling me no. I feel like your article is so right. I don’t need to worry about money or how this is going to work. It IS what God wants so if I have faith how could it fail? Thank you! More people should understand this.

  578. Thank you for the encouragement to love my children well and the challenge to continue to lay my life down for them, in hopes that they and others will come to know Christ as a result. From a busy and blessed mama of 5 . . .

  579. Amen! What a great post. This busy but blessed mama of 9 is bursting with the joy that fills my heart. And I would love it if God would bless us with more 🙂 But His way and His timing are perfect and we rest in that. Don’t buy into the lies our culture wants to deceive us with that will rob you of God’s best for you.

  580. My husband and I married at ages 19 and 20, competed our undergraduate studies two years later, and three months after graduating I gave birth to triplet daughters during my husband’s first week of pharmacy school in a new state away from family. They are now 21 months old, and such a joy! These past couple of years have been hard in many ways, but the joy of three healthy, happy daughters outweighs all difficulties. We are stared out anytime we’re out in public, constantly questioned as to how they were conceived (completely natural), told we shouldn’t have more kids until we have more money, that its a shame they’re all girls, etc. and our hearts are just bursting with how greatly we have been blessed. We eagerly look forward to adding more children to our family in due time, but we wouldn’t change a thing. Children are a blessing. Period.

  581. My husband and I are middle school sweethearts and got married right out of highschool during my freshman year of college, his sophomore year and always knew we wanted kids while we were young and could remember how it felt to be a kid, while we were still able to run around with them, have time for them, and just have them before life got crazy with full time jobs. After being married for about a year we decided to start trying to get pregnant and after telling people, most who knew us were very happy for us, others however would always ask if it was planned or an accident. I was told when we got married that we should wait to have kids and just have fun. They would ask me if I had thought about what it was going to do to my body, tell me that raising a kid is expensive and hard (as if my husband and I hadnt thought about the pros and cons of having a baby as well as thought about the expenses) and tell me that I wouldnt be able to go to school and work while being pregnant and having a baby and such and such was going to happen. I was so over hearing bad stuff about having kids and especially having them young. I didnt say a word to anyone except that after completing my next to last semester in college I put on my facebook that I was on the chancellors list with straight A’s and just smiled since apparently I was going to drop out of school and not work (which I went back two weeks later). Anyways I love my little man and my husband and I have more fun with him than before 🙂

  582. Courtney, this was so encouraging. I am 23 years old and looking to marry my boyfriend in the next year. We both come from large families and hope to have at least four children, but most people are SO discouraging to us as we plan for that. We’ve arranged our whole lives to support our future family and people look at us like we are crazy! Thank you for this – it was such a breath of fresh air.
    Future-Mom Phylicia 🙂

    PS I recently posted about this on my own blog: Intentional Barrenness: Why Would You Want a Baby? http://aquillandinkwell.com/?p=2342.

  583. And try having 3 babies in 3 1/2 years. Oh the horrible negative comments we got. One day in church, while I was pregnant with my third baby, a man came up to me and said hey. I want to buy something for you and Scott. I’m going to get a TV for your bedroom. I thought hmmm. That’s odd. Then he proceeds to mortify me by very loudly saying you all need something else to do in your bedroom. I think my chin hit the ground. I just stood there. I mean what do you say to that?!?! He walked away laughing like crazy. Ok so we would have never planned to have three babies in three and a half years, but God knew what He was doing (imagine that). I absolutely love how close my kids are. If we would have waited there may not have been a third baby. I had some major problems and ended up having endometrial ablation (I couldn’t have carried another baby) and Scott had testicular cancer…twice. See God has a plan. And as hard as it was that first little bit when Jordan was born I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  584. I am now the mother of 7 by God’s grace, ages 21down to 5. Even as a Christian I bought the ideas of opposite world and went to college, pursued the career and married at 27. I am very grateful God allowed us to have children into our forties. We had 6 miscarriages and 1 stillborn in addition to the seven we have under our roof. I whole heartily agree that it is a calling and not one for the faint of heart. I could never have imagined the joy nor the trials that motherhood has brought. But I would want no other life. And with a 5 year old it is far from over. I remember all the comments and no matter how many times they were said each person seem to think that they had a right to say them and must have been the first. When one woman at Costco said “better you than me” about our fourth I answered ” Apparently.” sorry it was the hormones I guess. But now that they are growing up and life moves at the speed of, well, the speed of life I am so glad we did it! So glad we have trusted God to choose our family. It is an honor I would not have chosen left to my own and it is one I would not trade for all the worldly recognition and rewards of a career. Those things don’t climb up into bed to snuggle. Those things don’t tell you at 50 that your are beautiful and I love you. Let’s just add another one to the list ” Keep Calm and Mother On” The world is in desperate need of mothers and fathers who pray and teach and guide on the road of life. I am so glad to see this site and others like it where we can share and find encouragement. It was a bit more lonely even 10 years ago and definitely 15 years ago. Count your blessings! Thanks for letting an “old” gal share too.

  585. This was an amazing thing for me to read. I never thought of it that way, that being a mother is laying my life down for another, but how true! I have 4 children, and I am 25. My husband and I married young, and I became pregnant soon after. I love having a large family, but you wouldnt believe the looks i get from others. I hear comments every time i’m out. And oh, the looks!! I continue to hold my head high and now with even greater strength, knowing that im laying my life down for another. Thank you for your inspiring words!

  586. Thank you for this post! I first read it when you originally posted it, but now a few months later, when I’m in a time if need your post REALLY helped me with a dilemma I’ve been facing. Thank you for writing!

    Em from Jersey

  587. I had my first child at age 15. I was an unwed single mother. While the pregnancy was not planned, I was more than a little scared and I wasn’t taught any better to wait until marriage…I was joyful.
    The snide comments and looks came immediately.
    I worked a job after school and I took care of my beautiful daughter (now almost 20!)
    At age 21 I met a good man and we got married. I got pregnant immediately and miscarried. Months later, pregnant again..ending with another miscarriage.
    Even though we were trying for children, my own parents were unhappy that I was getting pregnant.
    I could not understand why… I was doing it RIGHT this time! I was married.. no longer a 15 yr old unwed mother.
    A year later we got pregnant and I gave birth to my second beautiful daughter. My family seemed very happy for us. But when I got pregnant again a year later with our son, I was met with contempt yet again by my parents. “Three is too many, you won’t get to spend as much time devoted to the two you already have!” they said.
    I had three kids by the age of 24 and I simply loved being a mother.
    Yes, it was HARD, but those blessings are so worth it!
    Then at the young age of 29 I found out that I had a severe medical condition and had to have a complete hysterectomy.
    I still mourn the loss of being able to have more children (I am 35 now) but I am happy with the blessings God gave to us.

  588. Thank you for this post. It’s funny how after number three for us, I was convinced that he is our last. Not that I don’t believe children are a blessing from the Lord. I do. But, as a working mother, I worry that my children don’t get enough of me and what if I had more? Then they would get less of me. As a neonatal nurse practitioner, the fear factor kicked in. What if the baby has something wrong with it and I cant care for it because I am working? How will the other children deal with not having me around? What if I died and left my husband with all these children?
    Through my fear, I began to feel conviction. Conviction over not trusting God. Conviction over “showing the world” that we knew our limits. I have been praying about this for a while now and FINALLY discussed it with my husband. Major weight lifted. This post is just another message from God that He might not be done with us yet in child bearing. If He is, I am totally okay with it, but it is not for me to decide.
    I look forward to reading more on your blog.
    brandy

  589. I ran across your blog today and it was a blessing to read. I recently discovered that I am pregnant with our 6th child and I am bracing myself for all the funny and negative comments that I will be receiving and many will be from people at church. Even at our church families are often small and even with five we stand out. Thank you very much for writing this.

  590. I have 7 children and I get comments anytime we go my where with all of them. My favorite is,( are they all from the same father??) I tell them yes we have been married for 13 years and they re all 12 and under. Then they say but you are so young. Again I say I m 32 ! I did start young nod love each one of my blessings but there are days when I feel like maybe I did it wrong having them so young because of how the world portrays the perfect mom. Having a Career , making good money, I am a stay at home mom who did not graduate college whose husband works hard to take care of us so I can stay home. most people dont understand why dont i work to hve more income. my reply is I feel i am doing the most important job right now ,I homeschool my kids and I love what I do !

  591. I wish someone had given me a balanced view when I was pregnant with my first. So many people were overwhelmingly negative that I wrote them off completely, and then others were so positive that I didn’t realize that having a newborn would be tough. I saw facebook posts of friends appearing to have so much fun those first few weeks. They were constantly out and about with their newborns looking well rested. I felt like a complete failure when I just wanted to stay home and sleep. I wish someone would have given me a balanced perspective by telling me that there will be hard moments, but they pass. There will be sacrifice, but it is worth it. I hope to have many more children. I don’t want to be negative with first time moms, but I don’t want them to be shocked as I was if those first few weeks are tough.

  592. I was 22 when we had our first. We’d been married just shy of 3 years. I looked 16 and my husband, just one year my senor, looked 35. Oh the looks we got! I felt completely alone while I was pregnant because most of my peer group weren’t even married, and most of the other pregnant women talked to me like I was a teen mom. I was exhausted, ended up having gestational diabetes, and my daughter went to the NICU when born. I felt like a terrible person because pregnancy did not feel natural to me. I feared that I’d be a horrible mother because the whole process freaked me out. I don’t tell pregnant women that it is all gloom and doom, but I do let them know that I was bad at being pregnant but turned out to be a good mom.
    My second pregnancy was night and day different. By that time my peer group were all having their first and I got to be the seasoned vet. When things took a scary turn, I had back up. It really showed me how much other people can affect your attitude towards things.

  593. In God’s gracious plan for my life, I married too late to have children, but I am able to have stepchildren. (My husband was a widower.) I’ve looked forward all my life to having children, and other people tended to assume I was heartbroken that I wasn’t married (I wasn’t; I was satisfied with whatever God’s timing in bringing me a husband, or not), but many did not understand how I could yearn for children even though I was single. It was as though I must be desiring fornication or something. (I come from a family of seven; my married siblings all had five each, whether by birth or birth and adoption. Every one of us wanted somewhere between four and twelve, with several wanting the top end of that spectrum.)

    It makes me terribly, terribly sad to see many young married women choose to wait five years or longer to have children, and then when they reach that predetermined time period, be so set in the pattern of a carefree childless life that they decide to wait some more, or never have them at all. How did the church get anti-child? I don’t get it at all.

    I was once walking with neighbors (an older Christian couple), and a group of young women pushing strollers met us on the trail. One woman with a young toddler was visibly pregnant, and after we passed them my neighbor lady said, “I guess she wants to get her family over with quickly!” I said, “Or maybe she wants more than two children” and she said, “Oh, yeah, maybe.” The possibility of wanting more than two hadn’t even occuured to her!

  594. What a great encouraging article this is ! Thank you! I am 25 years old expecting my third child and I have even had doctors make remarks like “oh we will have to get you birth control after this, huh?” It’s a shame even the people we entrust to deliver these precious gifts into the world don’t even look at children as a blessing. After reading this, I will not let people make me feel embarrassed or bad for wanting to be a mother that god has called me to be, a fully sacrificial mother.

  595. Keep praying Jenna. I always wanted children young (unlike many others). Had many sad years with infertility, we went through three inseminations with no success and Dr.’s scratched their heads. My husband lost his job and we could no longer afford to try. Then after having to move back home with family I went to a new Dr and she rudely told my husband and I “if you haven’t had children by now then you won’t”. Shocked and hurt I left that office and prayed to God that if that’s his will then so be it. So we started planing our lives together as husband and wife and started planning a honeymoon we never took. 3 months later, I was pregnant! Our son is 15 months and I’m expecting April 2014! By the way I will be 30 when this one comes. We started trying when I was 21.

  596. Oh Courtney, this brought tears to my eyes. The sad part is that negativity is SO common that it took me until now to realize how much it bothered me. I received so much negativity also. I am the woman who married at 21 became pregnant a year later (miscarried.. and even had family members say “well it was just too early”… thank you for comforting words??), then gave birth to my son at 23. Which is seen as “too young”! Even after he was born I STILL get comments like “Are you going to have.. another?” I mean honestly, the people saying these comments have undying love for their children, yet make comments that could cause others to feel odd or even guilty for having a desire for a family. It’s so sad. This topic barely even scratches the surface to how ‘off’ the world’s point of view is from God’s Word! Thankfully there is always comfort and guidance in Him!

  597. I am not sure anybody is going to read this or care that much, really. I am not sure. I love Jesus, but do not know Him that well. I would love to read the Bible and learn scripture, but where do you start? I do not even own a Bible.

    Over the last several years I’ve had a crisis of faith. You see, I have always wanted to be a Mama, but I did not meet my husband until we were in our early forties. We tried to have children for several years, but it never happened. When I was forty one and newly married, I was told that I have endometriosis stage four and was basically infertile. I cried myself to sleep for several years after the diagnosis and kept asking God: “Why? Am I being punished? What did I do wrong?” I just did not understand. We still tried to have children, visited many doctors, I lost weight, took some prescriptions, had two surgeries, but still it never happened. I cried my heart out. My arms and heart ached so much to be a Mama. I wanted so much to be a stay at home wife and Mama like many of you, but it just never happened for us. When I found out other ladies (including a close friend in her early forties and only married for a few months!) were able to conceive in their forties, I became very upset and cried out to God. Again, I did not understand. I still don’t understand the why’s. What makes it even more difficult, I have dedicated my life to helping Mamas and children. I have been a preschool teacher for twenty six years. I adore children. Nothing makes me happier than a little child telling me they love me and them wrapping their little arms around me. I just wish I could have one child, but I am now 47 and pre-menopausal. How do I fill that void in my heart? We would love to adopt, but it is so expensive. I would like to pray that somehow God will bless us with a child. I hear these miraculous stories all the time how other couples who couldn’t have children were blessed with children through adoption, but I am so afraid it will never happen. I’ve been praying for children for so many children and my prayers have been unanswered. Should I keep praying? Is God hearing my prayers? I am afraid to ask God for the gift of a child. Afraid it will never happen for me. Could you please pray for us? Thank you so much! May God Bless you and your families!

    Love,
    Maria In Mass

    1. maria, I am so sorry for your struggle…I was just reading this post by Courtney & was weeping…my story almost exactly…waiting to have kids, because I wanted to follow the culture instead of God. I have regrets, but I am thankful for my two boys…I was going to post a little of my story, when I read yours. comment #999…I don’t know if you’ll read this, but if you do…know that God LOVES you. He HEARS you. He SEES you. He has placed you in a position to influence & love SO.MANY.KIDDOS. you may never know this side of heaven how you have impacted a child through your position as a pre-school teacher! please…buy a Bible…read it…study it…pray…tell Him you will love and follow Him no matter what {make Jesus your deepest desire}…and ask Him to show you and your husband His will regarding adoption, fostering, mentoring, and that He would make it very clear. Trust Him. God’s word says, ‘in this world, we will have trouble…but take heart, I have overcome the world!”…because we live in a world broken by sin….we will face trials and suffering, but He promises to walk WITH us…rest in Him. He is enough…even in the hurt, He is the best medicine…praying a miracle for you!

    2. Maria, I know you wrote this almost one year ago, and I hope you have found some comfort since then. I – along with Rachel – want to share my sympathy for your struggle. There is a blogging website I know, called RealLifeAnswers.org, that has helped me a lot. It has multiple blogs of people sharing how they cope with the challenges of life, and how faith in Jesus Christ can help. You can even chat with other bloggers. It’s pretty neat. One article that may be relevant to your story will be at http://www.reallifeanswers.org/challenges-in-life/how-do-i-cope-with-infertility/
      Hope this helps in some way!

  598. I gave birth to our first child in April of this year, age 29 and having been married (almost) 4 years. He has been the biggest blessing (and the biggest adjustment) of my life. I have been shocked at the negative reaction of people when I tell them I want two more. My MIL and FIL have surprisingly been the most against it, even after they struggled to get pregnant with my husband, and assuming he would be an only child (they were surprised by his younger brother 3 1/2 years later). I was raised with the opinion of “the more, the merrier”even though I only have one younger sister. My parents tried to have more children when I was a teenager (through IVF), although it didn’t work out. Children ARE a blessing from the Lord, whether someone only wants one or fifteen.

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  600. Courtney, I really enjoyed reading this and would love permission to translate this blog article into Portuguese so I could share it with the Brazilian ladies that are in my life. We are facing the same issues here in Brazil, and I know they would enjoy reading the truths that you shared here! I know it is difficult for you to keep up with all that is written here on your blog. I hope you can find time to just let me know if that would be okay! Thanks again for writing what we need to hear/read! God bless!

  601. I just (like 9 days ago) had a hysterectomy for medical reasons at the ripe old age of 33. I waited. and waited, then got pregnant by accident at 27. This led to me seeking the Lord and getting saved and married. We decided much to everyone’s dismay to let God do our family planning. I received much criticism for this because I had a very hard time being a new mom, with little support and being a baby Christian, I struggled. We got pregnant soon after my 1st turned one…there were gasps….and then we lost our baby at nearly 20 weeks. Soon after we were allowed to try again, God blessed me with my next daughter and then less than two years later a son. My son just turned 2 when we were starting to long for another baby, but things started happening, I went to the doc and found out I would be unable to conceive without assistance. Further investigation revealed a hole in my uterus, probably from my last c section. Pregnancy would likely be fatal. So with that and the other related medical issues I was experiencing we ended up needing to have a hysterectomy. I know God is in control, but not many people understand that I was not finished having babies in my heart, we desired to have many. I know God will guide, but I do feel that I am mourning alone (with my husband) for babies I will never have, and the world looks at me like I am crazy. I am so thankful God urged us to have children close together and rapidly because here I am a mere 6 years later unable to have anymore. It has taught me that listening to the urgings of my God is far more important than the temporary pain of criticism of my friends, family, and the world. I sit here knowing how faithful God is, but with my heart still hurting. I still struggle with being a mom, there is still a lot of selfishness and other sin that God is working on in me. My children are 2, 4, and 6 years old and I am often tired and feel inadequate. But God gave them to me for a reason, and even if I struggle, He still meant for me to be their momma, and that is a comforting thought.

  602. As a mom of 11 kids, I get a lot of comments and questions. Our modern society seems to consider a family like ours a “freak show”. They love to point, stare, whisper, comment and ask questions. But I don’t consider this all bad. It’s an opportunity for us to reflect the love of Jesus and to share the gospel. I blogged recently about my experiences with comments and questions here: http://christinafredricks.com/?p=114

  603. I value motherhood and I love my children deeply. I spent my adult life believing that mothering was the most important thing I could do. But I hampered myself by having children too young. I won’t go into the details but suffice it to say, I’ve watched my children pay the price for decades, now. I suppose I will be watching them pay till the day I die. I don’t know how to begin to describe how much that hurts.

  604. I wish I could read everyone’s posts; they’re all so moving and heartfelt. I personally am one of eleven. When I was young, I was reluctant at times to share the size of my family with others, for fear of ridicule or embarrassment. But now, I realize how proud I am to say I come from a large family, and my Mom is my hero. I know now that family is a very important part of God’s plan and I hope to begin mine soon. In my faith, we learn that family relations can extend beyond the grave, and any lost child – born or unborn – will be reunited with their parents. It’s a beautiful thing, to know that whatever happens, I will see my family again. And I also know our families can continue to grown in Heaven, whether we had children here on earth or not.

  605. AMEN! I’m also pregnant with my first and the first thing I typically get asked is, how you going to do that with your class (I’m a teacher). What I really want to say is, “I’ve spent 2 years as a teacher and 4 as a nanny caring for others’ kids, taking their problems home with me, giving them to God, holding them, comforting them, and helping them grow, now I want time with mine.” But, alas, I don’t. What I say is, I have maternity leave. My students will survive without me for the last month and a half. Will I still be thinking of them? Yes, will I still check in on them? Yes. But this is my time to be with my child.

  606. I guess you could say I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum with this. I grew up being taught by my parent’s 4 Square church (any my mother for that matter) that the only worth a woman has is to be a wife and a mom. I was even told that “You can’t be a cowgirl and a good Christian.” …. basically the only way to be a good Christian woman was to go to college, get married and have babies. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, because there’s not. But I refuse to accept that my worth is based off of if I stick to the tradition “stay at home Christian mom” model or not.

  607. What a wonderful article! Hats off to you for writing this! I was a young mom who had five children in 31/2 years. That’s right 3 and 1/2 years. Then the children’s father left me and I heard it all! 38 years later and I am still going strong, remarried to a truly devoted Christian Husband and Father now Grandfather! We have 7 children together as I had 5 and he had 2! We now have 20 grandchildren and are family is still growing! Has it all been perfect? NO! But have we had fun? YES! And we are still making memories and looking for the new ones to come! YES! WE have truly learned and still learning how to put them all before we put ourselves and are loving our journey! Our Father is a big Dad and capable of providing and restoring all that we need! My Husband and I are living proof! WE are in are late 50’s to 60 but having the time of our lives enjoying all the blessings he has provided! Just for FYI, I had my first at 21 yrs. and had a set of twins (identical boys) when my first was 19 mo. old. When my first was 3 1/2 and my twins 2 yrs. 1mo. old I had my second set of twins(a boy and a girl) and when my 2nd set of twins were 5mo old, Dec. 26th 1980 their Father left us and never returned. Sounds sad, but it is not and we are healthy and living in God’s generous world with him as our Lord!

  608. We have six children and love them dearly and have never thought of them as anything other than blessings. However, we now wonder how far to carry this. Does God’s Word about children as blessings mean that the more you can have the better? We don’t necessarily say that about other things he calls blessings (food, etc.) I am struggling with keeping up with all the demands of motherhood and can feel/see some of the children’s deep needs being somewhat neglected as I struggle to keep up on limited sleep (with our newborn) and with the special needs of a couple of our children. We wonder if we should try to avoid getting pregnant again but aren’t sure how to do this or if it is right to do. Much prayer has been done on the matter but I do not feel we’ve been given a clear answer. Part of me wonders, though, if I am not truly open to hearing His answer if He would say He wants us to have more.

  609. Really?! I wish people had been more open and real about the struggles of having children. My water broke at 24 weeks, I was on bedrest in the hospital for 3 weeks, had an emergency c section at 27 weeks, baby was in the nicu for 3 months. During that time I was struggling with post partum depression, pumping around the clock for our preemie, and dealing with the stress of being in the nicu all day. Babies are NOT easy and wonderful! Childbirth is dangerous, women die having babies every day. Babies are expensive. PPD is real and so many women never get help for it because they feel ashamed, “this should be the happiest time of my life, why do I feel like this?” I am on several mommy groups on fb and the majority of moms are struggling because of a baby that cries constantly, or trying to make ends meet, or dealing with the mommy wars. I usually like your posts Courtney but this is wrong. It was not until after all these things happened to me that people started telling me similar stories. I wish I had known, then I would not have felt so alone and scared.

  610. Recently at our church, a young Christian Mom of 4 (2 week old baby, 2, 4, and 6 yr olds) found herself in a horrible situation where her husband very suddenly became terminally ill and functionally “gone” from them. Even amongst her closest friends, you can nearly hear the “I told you so” attitude–so many kids, so young, and look what happened…I grieve for her enough over the situation, but as Job had to deal with, it’s compounded when her friends around her (Christian women no less!) are judging her every move because she is most definitely ‘opposite’ of our world.

  611. When my husband and i finally decided it was time we start having kids, we realized that it would not be easy. While we were ready in all other aspects, apparently time was not on our side. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant and have a baby. All the usual steps didn’t work and then my husband stumbled upon marvelspelltemple @ gmail. com and the fertility Spell through an internet search. Fortunately we live in the area and decided to meet with Dr. Muna. From our first meeting, it was clear that this was a professional and busy practice that provides results! Dr. Muna is very direct and informative and tells you exactly what is going on and what is recommended. Dr. Muna process as easy as possible. it still is a stressful time, but knowing that his fertility Spell is one of the best in the world and he knows exactly what he was doing, made it bearable. i became pregnant after 21 days of casting fertility spell!!! My husband and i were thrilled and really couldn’t believe it! Thanks to Dr. Muna we had our best Christmas gift ever and welcomed little Maribel on December 20th, 2017! Currently we are thinking about expanding our family with the help of Dr. Muna and giving Maribel a sibling!

  612. Even amongst her closest friends, you can nearly hear the “I told you so” attitude–so many kids, so young, and look what happened…I grieve for her enough over the situation, but as Job had to deal with, it’s compounded when her friends around her (Christian women no less!) are judging her every move because she is most definitely ‘opposite’ of our world.

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