The Women Living Well Book Club – Chapters 11 & 12 {Motherhood & Technology}
Hooray! We are at the half-way point. We have completed the first half of the book Women Living Well – on Your Walk with God and Your Marriage. Now we are up to the section titled: “Your Parenting.”
Let’s Discuss Chapter 11 – A Mother’s Influence
In Chapter 14, I write about the influence of a mother.
Abraham Lincoln reportedly said, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my mother.”
The Statue of Liberty was said to be modeled after the sculptor’s mother.
When Super Bowl football players look into the camera – they don’t say “Hi, Dad” –they yell, “Hi Moooooooooooooom!!!”
Children are sponges. They soak up the influence of their mother. And though your name may never be in lights – we must not forget the many many unnamed mothers who rocked the cradles of great men and women who changed the world. They will forever be unnamed, but their influence is with us forever.
Do you wonder some days if what you are doing matters – changing diapers, kissing boo boos, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches over and over and over. We say night time prayers and tuck littles ones in bed and then they pop right.back.out.of.bed. Oh! That is frustrating – I know!!! And then there’s those moments when we lose our temper and feel like the worst moms ever. We wonder if we are a failure or if our kids are going to end up in counseling forever. Lol! The overflowing laundry baskets and sticky kitchen floors are enough to make a mom want to run away. But you don’t. You are strong! You keep going – loving, feeding, caring, helping and working hard for your family.
You matter.
You are priceless.
Don’t give up – don’t waste your influence. Call on the name of the Lord for help and keep going.
Let’s Discuss Chapter 12 – Parenting in the Digital Age
As I think about our influence as moms – I wonder how we influence our children through our use of technology. Little eyes are watching.
One key, I learned from my parents, was to not hold a double standard.
For example, if a movie was unacceptable for me as a child because of violence, language or sexual content –it was not okay for my parents to see either! They didn’t have an imaginary age when suddenly, we could watch more “adult” content. Though some movies had a rating of PG-13 – my parents felt they were unacceptable for me at age 16 –and them at age 43! If it was not good for me to see — it was not good for them to see either.
It is SO very important that we practice what we preach. My parents were powerful role models and eventually their convictions became my convictions.
“I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate. They will not cling to me.”
~Psalm 101:3
Three of my main points summed up in this chapter are:
1.) Be aware of what your children are doing! It is our job as parents to pay attention and know what they are doing on social media or on the web.
2.) Know Your Child. Is gossip their weakness? Watch their texting. Do they have a thirst for violence? Monitor their video games. Are they curious about the opposite sex – be on guard for porn. Are they lonely? Do not let them talk to strangers that could be predators. Each child will have their own unique struggles that will require guidance. That is our job – to impart knowledge and wisdom to our children – especially in their areas of weakness – don’t forget there is an enemy who wants you to not care or be naive.
3.) Teach them to think for themselves. We will not always be able to oversee our children’s internet use. As they grow older, they will begin to use the internet at their friends house or the library or on their phones when we are not around. Train your child to have a godly conscience and a healthy fear of God – so they are convicted when they go outside the bounds on-line
On Friday, we skipped the webcast video for a special Valentine Video – so today’s video is that webcast.
This video was the Opening session to the Women Living Well Conference this summer. I know that it’s long (42 minutes) but if you can sneak in just the first 10 minutes – it will be WELL worth your time! I guarantee you are going to get a laugh out of Karen Ehman’s opening skit and laughter is good medicine – so don’t miss this! Following her skit – I speak for 15 minutes about marriage and motherhood and then 6 of my blogging friends join me on the couch for a 20 minute discussion.
(If you cannot see this video – click here)
Discussion Questions:
1. When you think of the concept of our children being sponges who are soaking in what they see and hear and observe in us spiritually, how does this make you feel? Does this cause you concern in any area? If so which one?
2. Read Philippians 4:8. How can this verse be used as a grid to determine what guidelines your family will have about using devices in this digital age?
For extra discussion go to the forum and click on the thread that says Chapters 11 & 12.
Walk with the King,
God works in amazing ways. I love how some of the Bible verses and ideas are intersecting between your book and the Good Morning Girls study. It helps it all really stick. I was really convicted on Chapter 12. Trying to make some big changes and less time on the internet for me!
These next few chapters will be hard to answer because we do not have children. Not that we haven’t tried, another story for another time perhaps. It’s ok though because we have several nieces and nephews and a great neice so we have young ones around.
I will try and base some of my answers on the year we had our nephew here everyday so my sister didn’t have to use day care. Besides LOVING the time I had with him and all of our adventures I would agree that they are sponges and very smart sponges at times. I loved helping his developement along and I think that I can take credit for it in a small way.
As for the digital age this is where my sister and I totally differ in beliefs. He has way to many electronic divices. I think it is sad that she is constanly upset at things he can see, things he wrote or things that are being written to him. I want to tell her that if he didn’t have a phone, a facebook page and etc he would be doing his homework and etc. It is a touchy area because you want to trust your kids and yet you want to protect them at the same time. All I know is growing up we didn’t have all this stuff that seems to be a bad influence and we all turned pretty good.
1. I think my kids definitely see me spending too much time on media devices (the home computer and my phone) and not enough time in God’s Word. It does concern me. I think Courtney’s point about our kids being sponges is so true; right now, I’m sending the message that media is more important than the Lord, and that’s definitely not what I want my children to think! I think I need to make a radical change in this area.
2. I’m very much a checklist person, and I think that this verse could be used in that way to help determine whether or not media should be used in a certain way, not legalistically, but as a guide. Is what I’m looking at true? Is it honorable? Just? Pure? Etc.
Since my children were young I was always aware that they are sponges that soak up everything around them. Talk about the pressure! LOL! Makes me feel inadequate. Knowing that made me strive to be a better parent however not a perfect parent. I still did and do make mistakes. I still said/say things in front of our children that I shouldn’t have. I’ve lost my temper more times than I can count…not proud of that. I apologize and ask them to forgive me. It’s interesting because when they were younger I felt I had to be this perfect mom who never messed up so they would follow my lead and be better than me. As they’ve gotten older (22 yrs., 21 yrs., 18 yrs., and 13 yrs.) I find myself being more human and being ok with showing my human side. I say that because I see that my children can at times be too judgmental so it’s important for them to see us parents as human. We are sinners/people who make mistakes and are in need of grace and forgiveness. I want my children to strive to be the very best they can in all things but to also know it’s ok if they stumble and fall…that grace and forgiveness will always be there to pick them up, hug them and set them back on the right path…the path to God. I learned this lesson when our oldest was in 7th grade. We had an argument. She became very emotional and started crying. She told me I didn’t understand because I was perfect and never made mistakes so I just couldn’t relate to her. That really struck me! I couldn’t believe she thought that about me. My husband pulled me into the bedroom and told me our daughter was right, that that is how I act all the time. He prayed with me and then I went to talk with my daughter. A lot of things changed within my heart that night. I haven’t been the same since. It’s so very very important for our children to see us as human. It’s also important for them to see our response in everyday situations.
As far as media goes…we don’t have much media in the house. We have cable however we only watch tv or movies together as a family. The tv is NOT on during the day as I homeschool. We use the computer mainly for email, school and any religious videos or music. Since we watched this series about a month ago, we’ve really been convicted to take a hard look at media in our home.
http://youtu.be/G85xQho8Xts
http://youtu.be/tVGEvYM4CH8
http://youtu.be/z92LlX-GUuI
http://youtu.be/aOpGrdZSuPw
http://youtu.be/n9AnYh1wWLE
http://youtu.be/FpS4AHaMdC8
http://youtu.be/UFvD50QLSO0
http://youtu.be/3cBtOhT8_Sw
“Finally, my brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever pure, whatever lovely, whatever of good report, if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think on these things.”
To the best of our ability we should really try to make this the standard in our homes in regards to all things whether it’s media, books, games, etc. Great verse to really meditate on and use as a measuring stick in our homes in all we do!
Courtney, thank you for ALL this today!!!! The video, the blog…everything!!! After a tough, exhausting, doubt filled weekend I REALLY needed this! Be blessed sister! Thank you!
A quick P.S. In regards to my daughter and the being perfect thing. That night I realized I had been doing to my children what my mother had done to me and my siblings. I love and care about my mother however even to this day she projects an image of perfection and goes out of her way to constantly tell us kids that she never lies and is as close to Jesus as any one person can get so we’d do well to follow her example. Ladies, I’ve learned that this is not the attitude we are to have. If our children and husbands see us this way things will not be well in our homes. Growing up I always felt like I could never measure up to my mom or God so at some point I stopped trying and went down a really really bad path for quite some time. I just stop caring as I didn’t see the point any more. If God expected me to be super perfect (like I thought my mom was) then there was just NO way I could ever have relationship with HIM. So, to the best of our ability and with help from God we can project the proper image of HIM to our children so as to not be a stumbling block to them.
I am so glad I decided to buy this book. A few things that seem to really stand out this far:
1. The battle for my soul. I can feel it. All this noise and distraction my mind is pulled in a thousadnd directions. All this media distraction is absolutely a battle. Once I realized that all this noise from this new digital age is in essence a battle, it has become easier to fight. I love Instagram and keeping up with distant relatives and friends on Facebook, but the urge to waste time is easier to fight. My media time is used much more wisely. It is such a relief to know other parents look at the TV and realize sin happens there. I do not want my children to ever look at me and think they can’t wait to grow up and watch bad shows because that’s what mommy and daddy do. Once I put the brakes on the distractions, and refocused my mind and heart on God and his word, I have been much more focused. Less distracted. And much happier. I didn’t really realize what this battle was. Now that I am aware, I can meet it more prepared.
2. The power of prayer. Pray for strength. Pray for guidance. Pray for peace. In this new world, and all of its problems, I am still awed by His love for me. He hears me. Every morning I wake and think, “Today I will do better.” But what I really need to be praying for is guidance to be a better example for my babies.
3. Our little sponges soak up so much in the few years they are so small and influential, I have to remember its these years that matter. Its these years that they develop a sense of whats OK. Its these little years that will shape what their conscience will be sensitive to. And I need to remember to always set an example for my sweet angels. And if they see and hear their mother and father making God a priority, they too will make that a priority.
4. My sin could be their sin. I want them to be better than me. So this has driven me to try for better. I want them to be stronger. I ask myself what do I want my children to take and remember of me. All I can do is pray for guidance and strength. And since I have tried to make this area a priority the last few weeks, I have seen a difference in myself and my babies. Our God is so good.
We don’t yet have children, but I do think about how they are sponges. I need to identify the things I do now that I don’t want my kids to pick up on so that I can stop those habits now, especially with technology. That goes along with Philippians 4:8 as well–to focus on those things that are pure, just, noble, lovely–because that is what I want my children to use as their filter as well.