There was one HUGE lesson God revealed to me during the Relevant Conference…
I’m a huge disappoinment and it’s time I embrace disappointing others – to the glory of God!
Let me explain.
The closing speaker for the Relevant Conference was my #1 favorite blog writer – Ann Voskamp of A Holy Experience. Her writing takes me to the throne of God each time I read it. I simply can’t get enough of her writing.
Previous to her closing session, I had shared the platform with Ann in a session titled “Upside Down Blogging“. I spoke about Genesis 11 and the tower of Babel. The men building the tower of Babel wanted to “make a name for themselves” and in God’s eyes this was wicked and brought judgement. As bloggers, this temptation to “make a name for ourselves” exists and we have to be so careful of this trap.
I also talked about Paul and Silas – when the jail doors fell open they stayed in the jail and the jailers family was saved! Opportunities have arisen this year for me – doors have flown open – but thus far I have stayed put believing that it is God’s will for me to stay right where I am at. But I’m not always so sure this is completely noble.
To be honest, I’m scared to death to put myself out there much more than I have on my blog…I fear that expectations may be too high – it raises the bar in every area of my life. From my marriage, to my parenting, to my homemaking – I feel pressure to not disappoint. And this fear of disappointing has caused me to stagnate.
Those closest to me in my real life – know I’m just Courtney…wierd, passionate, talkative Courtney…I have hurts, pains, problems, and fears just like everyone else…I say immature things. I say sinful things. I am SO flawed – the cross says I am flawed! Hallelujah for the cross!
Trust me, I’m a big disappointment in real life.
And so as I sat with pen in hand, ready to receive the message Ann had to share at the closing session of the Relevant Conference – this fearful, weary, wrestling mommy blogger found hope and tears stung as she spoke these words…
“You have been appointed to disappoint so you will point to the one who doesn’t disappoint.”
Did you catch that? It’s my calling!
This is my calling – to be a disappointment to the glory of God!
I am free! Free to be a big disappointment! Because it’s NOT about me – let me point you to who it’s ALL about – Jesus!
Here’s more from my notes that I wrote down that night:
There are no rock stars in blogging. God is our rock and we are all stars shining for him.
Jesus does not need our help to be famous.
Fame is the ugly world of over exaggeration.
Jesus rejected, retreated, and resisted fame. When he healed, he told them go and tell no one! He reteated from being crowned King. Jesus knew he would be used more with a crown of thorns than with a crown enthroned.
Be willing not to be esteemed but to be sacrificed.
Our method of ministry must be as counter cultural as our message is.
There’s a dark underbelly to blogging. Satan would want nothing more than to destroy us.
All the Christian bloggers united are thunder -we are signaling God is about to rain – rain on the wilderness of parched and dry souls. Since Jesus is the rain, we must be thankful people are reading at any blog.
And so I conclude, I am but thunder…I pray that when you come here, God rains on your soul. And when I post something unsettling, don’t answer your email (oh the guilt I carry for not answering your emails I just feel terrible I’ve disappointed so many in this way) or you meet me accidently in the supermarket (multiple times I’ve met strangers who are readers in stores) and my kids are standing on their heads lol!…I will remember I am but dust…you can’t expect too much out of dust (as Sally Clarkson says).
And I am learning to make peace with my new identity.
“I’ve been appointed to be a disappointment so I can point others to the one who will never disappoint.”
It’s my honor to be a disappointment to the glory of God!
Walk with the King,