/ / The Women Living Well Book Club – Chapters 9 & 10 {Marriage Challenge}

The Women Living Well Book Club – Chapters 9 & 10 {Marriage Challenge}

Chapters 9 & 10 Completing Him Marriage Challenges


Let’s Discuss Chapters 9 & 10

We are up to the “Completing Him” Marriage Challenges.  I’ve had many comments over the years where wives were annoyed that I only direct my posts to them.  They want me to set the husbands straight and tell them to change.   They also feel that my advice to women – like doing these challenges – make us weak.

Here’s my 2 minute video response to these thoughts:

What makes one husband feel loved and respected may not make another husband feel this way.  Each of our husband’s are unique and so all of their likes, dislikes, preferences and responses to these challenges will vary widely.  But I can testify,  100% of the feedback from women who have done the challenges, has been positive!  Hooray!

You were not created to compete with your husband

Are you familiar with Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages?  The concept is that all people have 1 or 2 ways that they prefer to receive love from their spouse.  Do you know what your love language is and do you know what your husband’s is?  Find out today by going to Gary’s website and taking his free test.  It’s really fun to know this and you will find as you do these challenges that you touch on each love language.

So Valentine’s Day is RIGHT around the corner and this is our chance to pour some love onto our guys!  Here’s a few ideas to get you started:


1. Text him with a sweet message that includes something you appreciate about him (or maybe a picture collage like my one above) I learned this from Pinterest 🙂 !

2. Email him today telling him how grateful you are for him.

3. If he’s on Facebook – go to his wall or post a status update praising him

4.  Offer to say the prayer before dinner and then in your prayer thank God for him and give specifics.

5. As you give him a kiss hello, goodbye or goodnight – insert a little word of thanks and praise.




Discussion Questions:

1.)  Do you plan to do one of the Marriage Challenges? Share which one you plan to do.

2.)  Have you done any of the challenges? Which one and how did your husband respond?

For Extra Discussion go to the Forum and click on the thread that says “Chapters 9 & 10″

Walk with the King,


Bloggers:  Are you blogging your way through this book club with us?  Then link-up your blog post below.
Please note that this link up has changed for the next 5 weeks.{if your linked-up post is not about the book club it will be removed}


  1. I love everything about you Courtney! I’ve been following you for about a year. You’ve been a positive influence. I’ve tried many things with my husband and I am so discouraged. He just doesn’t want to work on our relationship. He’s happy in his funk. I am frustrated and depressed about it. We will be married twenty five years this summer. He’s been like this and doesn’t want to advance himself in our marriage. What more can I do? Remember I have tried many things from prayers, challenges, counseling, etc.

    1. RC – I’m so sorry. Please know that you are not alone. God is with you and loves you. Sometimes there really is nothing we can do but pray, wait on God and allow God to fulfill our spiritual and emotional needs where there is a void from our husband.

      If you are being abused or there is infidelity – you need to get help immediately. If you are frustrated that your husband is not meeting your expectations, I encourage you to not put your focus on your husband but rather – “Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2,3.

      We will grow weary in marriage if we put all of our focus on our husband and changing him. We must fix our eyes on Jesus and pull from his strength daily. We can’t change other people – we can only change ourselves.

      Have you tried all 10 of these challenges from the book? I feel confident that one of them is going to open the door to a meaningful conversation or to even change in your husband. Don’t give up!

      I am saying a prayer for you now.
      Lots of Love,

      1. Yes Courtney, I do try to stay focused on Jesus and not trying to “fix” the problem/husband. I understand others can’t be changed but only ourselves. Like I said, this has been going on too long and I’m tired and frustrated!
        I appreciate your prayers.

  2. I did all the things on your list but # 3 my husband has it to where you can’t post to his facebook page. I did the 1st one and I love that one. I pray for him daily. I love your blog and advice. I agree with what you have to say. God bless you. We are suppose to submit to the husband.

  3. I want to try these challenges, but my husband isn’t “good-willed” towards me now. Its hard because whatever I do, he will not receive. We are going through a terribly tough time right now. I’m going to try #5. I know his love language is words of affirmation.

    I keep reading different blogs and posts about marriages and all seem geared towards men that are decent and have good intentions. I don’t feel that my husband is that right now. He’s depressed and distancing himself from me because of some choices he made in the past and dealing with the guilt. He says he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be okay to move forward with “us” again. So discouraged.

    1. Jean – I am so very sorry. Putting yourself out there in this way takes courage. While these 5 ideas above will be helpful – I really encourage you to work your way through the ten challenges in the book. They are more extensive and give an opportunity for more meaningful interactions. I believe that we can turn a surly husband into a good willed one by our actions.

      I Peter 3:1-4 says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

      It is by our submission, purity and reverence that our husband are won without words (often we try to use our words to change them and this pushes them away.)

      I am praying for your marriage right now Jean. Stay strong and do not give up. I am praying one of these challenges touches the depth of his core and begins you on a journey towards restoration.

      Lots of Love,

    2. Oh, Jean. My heart goes out to you.

      Marriage can difficult even when both partners are working hard to serve one another and making Christ a priority in their lives. It’s infinitely harder when you feel like you are doing it ‘on your own.’

      You aren’t doing it on your own, though. The Lord is with you. I am praying for you to have strength, that you find encouragement from the Word to maintain your steadfastness in faith, that your words and actions would be a blessing to Him as well as to your husband.

  4. I haven’t read the chapters yet (will later today 🙂 ) But reading comments from today’s reading g and chapter 8 is very heartbreaking. To read many women hurting in their marriages when that’s not what God intended marriage to be like. I’ve been married for 12 years and for the first 7 it was, well, the opposite of heaven! No love, no respect, neglect from the both of us, his life was all about going to work & coming home to tv!! Me, partying with my girls! Seeking attention elsewhere since I wasn’t getting it at home! To make a very long story short, after 7 years of a horrible marriage we accepted God into our marriage!! The best decision ever!!! We still have struggles, arguments, tears are there once in a great while BUT the difference now is we both grow stronger from these hard moments & we both love each other more afterwards and we know neither is going to throw in the towel!! We’re now unbreakable because we got God in ourselves & our marriage! Any hurting ladies reading this…find a church that speaks the truth, doesn’t sugar coat, has bible studies, hopefully has workshops for marriages and is definitely Holy Spirit filled!!!! My husband turned to God first by the way and after two months of being separated I finally then answered the tug on my heart 🙂 My husband couldn’t force me!! I had to turn to God on His time, not my husband’s. My husband felt the way my hurting sisters in Christ here are hurting. But He gave it God, he prayed, stayed dedicated to the church he was led to and waited. Two months doesn’t sound long but it is when your wife and 3 year old son leave home & say we’re done! How easy it could’ve been for my husband to say that this God stuff doesn’t work, I turn to God & I lose my family! But he stood and waited, letting God take control 🙂 My sister’s in Christ, I apologize for this long comment but truly hope it gives you some kind of encouragement & hope!!! Praying for all of you and stay strong sisters…it’s so worth it, I promise!!!

  5. My husband and I have just had our 18th wedding anniversary and it’s truly only God that has allowed us to make it this far. I’m certainly no expert, but if you haven’t read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian it’s worth every penny, and your time and effort. Of course, the first chapter was a shocker & I was initially disappointed but continued on with the book. It changed my entire view of marriage. And during the course of the book I saw a real change in my husband… and of course me. 🙂 I’ve given it as gifts and I keep a copy and periodically go through it again.
    Courtney ~ I love the 10 day challenge and plan to begin as soon as my husband returns home from out-of-town. His birthday is coming up and I’m thinking about having the kids creatively join me on #4 and #6.
    Praying for Jean and Susan’s marriages and that they find their joy & contentment in the Lord.

    1. Thanks Janice. I really appreciate your prayers.
      I have read and am daily praying the husband’s prayers from The Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.

  6. I plan to do them all. Today is day 2. I snuggled with him on the bed while watching the debate. We used to cuddle on the couch and watch movies back in the dating days. I didn’t tell him what I was doing but just watching his response. Later that night, he made a comment about how we used to both fit on a tiny couch together and now we wouldn’t be able too. He noticed. It made him think back to our dating days. I don’t know how I am going to do today’s challenge. Our marriage is recorded on tapes and all we have is a dvd player. I’ll figure it out! Thanks for the challenges!!

  7. I plan on doing them all. Today starts the first one – going to go eat at the place where we went on our first date!

  8. I’m excited about the challenges in the book, especially 3,4 & 5. (I haven’t read CH10 yet!). We pray for my husband throughout the day, but I like the idea of using my ring as a symbol to say a small prayer for him to myself. My husband made a comment just the other night about how he has noticed a change in me. Courtney, your book (as well as some more time in the Word!) has been a real eye opener and encouraged me to pray for a change in my spirit.
    I’m praying for these ladies who are dealing with such hurt in their marriages 🙁 it may feel like it, but you are NOT alone. Christ is with you and hurting along with you. He does love you!

  9. I definitely plan on doing a couple of these challenges as well as the ones in the book. My husband really needs the pick-me-up and self worth boost this type of interaction provides.

  10. For the most part #1, #2 and #5 is something we already do for one another. It seems like there’s always at least one text during the day that expresses love and appreciation for each other. Before my husband leaves for work in the morning I pray for him and then send him off with a kiss. We pray together at night before turning out the light. The only time that doesn’t happen is if I am sick. The email thing is something we might do once a month so maybe that’s something I can step up a bit. Neither one of us have facebook so that’s out. Last night we went out for a date night. It was the first time in a long time. It was nice and awkward if that makes any sense. The nice thing was he asked me out! It’s usually the other way around.
    I am praying for the struggling marriages here! My heart goes out to you! God can heal these marriages; I know from experience. If my husband and I hadn’t chosen to lean on God 20 yrs. ago, we wouldn’t be married today. God can heal even the worst of things! Stay strong in our Heavenly Father, HE sees and hears all.

  11. I have been pretty sick since Monday so I have not read Chapters 9 and 10 yet but since I can finally wear my glasses with no pain I intend on reading them this evening.

    As for the challenges in your email we already to the texting special messages and once I see the ones in the book I will more than likely do several within the next few days. I will post an update as to the challenges I choose and the results.

    I do pray for those of you having difficulties right now. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all.

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