The One Quality You Must Have to Be a Discerning Woman

Discernment is essential in the life of a believer; it both protects and guides us. Here is the one quality you must have to be a discerning woman. #Biblestudy #1Samuel #WomensBibleStudy #GoodMorningGirls


Charles Spurgeon once said:

Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong but knowing the difference between right and almost right.

Discernment is essential in the life of a believer.  Everyday we make countless decisions both big and small like what we will eat, wear, say, where we will go, how we will spend our money, how we will spend our time, what we will watch or listen to and what we believe.

Discernment both protects us and guides us.

Join me today as we discuss: The One Quality You Must Have to Be a Discerning Woman.

{If you are reading this in an email or feed – click here to view the video}

This week, the Good Morning Girls read about a beautiful and discerning woman in 1 Samuel 25. Her name was Abigail.  Abigail was stuck in the middle of a mess and through her discernment, she was greatly blessed.

**Chime In**

In what areas of your life, do you need more discernment today?

For me – it’s parenting.  I feel like daily there are issues that pop up that I need discernment to handle.  I fear that I will overlook something that one day will be a monster if we don’t deal with it – or on the opposite side – I will make a mountain out of a mole hill and just frustrate my kids.  This mom thing is hard! Lol!

This is my prayer for us all today:

It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11

Walk with the King,





  1. I need discernment in my marriage, I have a foolish husband like Abigail and it is such a battle in our home Spiritually, and otherwise. I want to stand strong to be a good example to my children and to do good to my husband, regardless of how he treats me and his behavior. I know I’m not strong enough to handle this alone. With God’s help I can press on and keep my vows to my husband. I do grow weary in my own strength, but God’s strength does not run dry! He is faithful…In fact my oldest daughter is named Abigail for a lot of reasons. God will redeem this somehow. Thank you for your message tonight. It really inspired me to press on. Praying for you, much love <3

    1. Praying for you Phoebe. You know the saying “kill them with kindness”, I think applies in your situation. It has helped me in mine. Granted, he is not where I think he should be as a spiritual leader of our home. He has, however, changed his behaviour and the way he treats me. He appreciates me a bit more now. I just keep praying and asking God to help me be the wife/woman he wants me to be and by doing so, I continue to love, respect and take care of my husband the way God instructs me to. Keep praying for strength to continue. God bless you.

  2. Hi Courtney, Thank you so much for the reminder that it’s not just knowing what God’s Word says but being discerning and applying His Word to my life. My husband works and lives 300 miles away, my precious cat of 15 years died 2 weeks ago. My grief and sadness has been overwhelming at times. I write for my own website and as you say, I know WHAT God’s Word says but I need to be more discerning in this time of grief and apply all He has taught me, and already done in my life, and snap out of this pity-party and find His plans and purpose in this season. Blessings, Dee W.

  3. Awesome teaching. You are a blessing to the body of Christ. I thank God for you that you are walking worthy of the vocation wherewith you have been called (Ephesians 4:1b).


  4. Thank you Courtney. Awesome teaching. May God continue to bless you and guide you and use you to be a blessing to all of us.

  5. I need discernment about my future. After almost 30 years of teaching, I am ready to retire in 2018. I am asking God for direction regarding finances, next steps, etc. It not about what I want but what God wants for me and following his lead.

  6. Hi Courtney, I realised that I am saying to God “I am not satisfied with the life you have given me” I need discernment in how to be satisfied with what God has given me. Thank you, you have helped switch on a spotlight in this area of my walk with the King. Bless you love Elizabeth xx

  7. Thanks Courtney! God’s timing is perfect again! I am feeling my marriage is like Abigail & Nabal right now. I am trying my best to use discernment, choosing to live out God’s word without compromise. It is so hard and heartbreaking sometimes. I love your statement, “the power is in choosing to what is good”. I am trying to work on myself and am listening to the nudges from God in my own heart. I am praying my husband will find his way back to following the Word of God and not the world & bad decisions.
    This week’s questions all hit home and I was able to process through thoughts in my head by laying them at out in prayer.

  8. Thank you for shedding a positive note of using discernment. I have experienced latent judgement from Christians so many times over my child in the name of discernment that I know is not of God. I pray that His Word will clear this up for what God speaks against–judging others hearts. She and we were hurt yes but ultimately rest in the knowledge that God in His wisdom and Sovereignty alone is Judge and Jury.

  9. Seek8ng wisd9m from G9d for how to revive our marriage of 45 years and this session gives me hope! God’s word is such a blessing and stands alone. But, it is greatly enhanced by these daily sessions where we take His words,study them and apply them to our hearts and minds.
    Lord, thank you for these many helpful women who bring our studies to us. Thank you also for giving us discernment. Help each of us to renew relationships in your wisdom and grace. Amen

  10. Courtney, this is a great reminder that as women and wives we have a responsibility in which we will be held accountable for regardless of our husband’s actions. When we choose to honor God by honoring our husband – God moves as our defender. Thank you for sticking with this ministry even when times are tough for you. This ministry sharpens me more than you will ever know!

  11. I had a discerning moment while reading Gods word a few years back, and I knew God wanted me to study Abigail and Nabels story. I knew I was married to a Navel, and I worked hard at trying to keep peace, submit, don’t tell, and I had good days, despite the bad, and I had bad days, despite the good. I did and still do cry in the bathroom, and I hate that I feel so weak so many times. If I share, I’m regarded as untrustworthy and secrets are supposed to stay in the home, if I don’t share, I get all twisted in my thinking and begin to doubt everything. I want to be an Abigail that one day my kids will see through it all, and realize I did the best I could for them and for our family, but right now it feels so dysfunctional. I do trust God and I do Hope that the God who sees, will provide a way, and I do look to Him as my David, through the years, but it’s so hard to feel you are missing that healthy and loving relationship you want to enjoy with your husband. Praying for more discernment and trust in God that He is so Faithful!

  12. I appreciate this story coming up. I have conflicts about this story every time I hear it discussed.. Most people teach this passage singing Abigail’s praises. It makes me really uncomfortable. Maybe because of my own errors as a young wife. I may be out of the norm here, but I have a slightly different take on Abigail. She was in fact in a tough situation. We see that she was beautiful and decisive, and had great skills. We see that she knew how to humble herself. How does this fit with how she was with her husband and with what other scriptures say? In 1 Peter 3 we are taught to win our husbands by our chaste attitudes and actions so they can see Christ in us and be drawn to Him by our behavior. Think Queen Esther and the contrast between her attitude with her unsaved husband and Queen Vashti’s attitude(with the same husband that Esther had, by the way). Now think of how Abigail’s story fits this picture? The result in Abigail’s story was that her husband ended up dead, not restored to God, not the marriage restored. Esther’s story tells us so much about how to handle “fools”. (Especially not to call them one). How does Abigail’s responses fit with this? I have heard teaching on both sides of this issue. Like us she seems to be a mixture. In the way she appeased David, she had good appealing skills. She was humble to David, and she was “trying” to save her husband’s life. In regards to this passage, however, what troubles me is that I don’t see where she applied these skills to her own husband in this. Regarding him, she comes off to me a bit self-righteous. Maybe I am not seeing something here. Is this the exception to the Esther story, maybe if the husband is really bad? It makes me uneasy. I am struck by the Word telling us “she hurried” in verse 18. Not “she asked the Lord what to do” and then hurried to do what the Lord said. Did I miss that? In a marriage where there is the husband is not following the Lord, we have to be careful not just what we do, but how we do it. Contrast this woman’s attitude about her husband with Queen Esther’s. Also remember what happened with Queen Vashti. Queen Esther was in an equally dangerous circumstance, and she asked for prayer and fasting and carefully made her move, Spirit led, not “driven” by her clever desciveness. Esther also risked her life to speak with her king when it was dangerous to do so. She won favor with her husband and saved many Jewish lives. Vashti had a judgmental attitude toward her husband and lost her role as Queen. In other Scriptures, we are warned not to judge, or call someone (i.e. our husband to others?) “a fool”, (I think it is in Proverbs) and as was shared we must be careful to apply the Truth to ourselves first. That is a biggie for me, and not always easy. When husbands aren’t walking as they should I think this also illustrates what is at stake even with our beauty, decisiveness and intelligent skills. I would have felt better about this story’s outcome if it was clear she sought the Lord first. I have been married 40 years, and in the early years tried to hurry things along and I am still living in pain from those actions when I went to others about issues my husband had (in my view) and didn’t go to the Lord first or “got the log out of my own eye” first and tried to hurry up the process. It says “she hurried”. It doesn’t said she asked the Lord for direction. She did use her beauty and intelligence, but as a wife she seems disloyal, though her intentions were good, and her husband, when he heard of her actions literally, dropped dead. David saw her discretion and discernment to him, but what did her husband see in her? I don’t know the answer to that. Did she relate to him with the same discretion and discernment? I don’t know beyond what we read in this passage. It rather looks like she “hurried” and used her gifts to “bless David” and “called her husband a fool”, but did she wait on the Lord? Of course God worked it out and she became part of David’s harem (one of his many wives). It would have been neat if the story was that her actions really did help toward her husband’s salvation. Was she number one wife to him? I can’t get past that it appears her actions hastened his death. It is also a message of Grace, because she did get to marry David.
    Another passage that comes to mind as I think about this story, and my own story and struggles in the parable Jesus taught about when the Master went away for awhile. It seems to me that He wanted to know if the servant was faithful in caring for the Vineyard or would get tired of waiting and do his own thing. I wonder how that parable applies when we are waiting for husband’s or children or other family members? I’ve been thinking about this one recently in issues where I wanted my husband to engage, but where I should have rather found another way to help him, because the Lord essentially said no through my husband, because he chose not to engage in the issues I wanted him to. I think of this parable because I regret the times I have felt sorry for myself, instead of taking the higher road in some circumstances, because I later had to repent of that. Maybe its just because the Lord applied it to me this way. When we are young it is very easy to take the ball and run with it, sometimes ahead of the Lord. I struggled with this very issue for so many years. In the old testament when God gave the 10 commandments, the Israelites said “let not God speak” and they thought they could keep God’s commands on their own, and their short cut resulted in the curses. Moses walked with the Lord and experienced God’s Presence. (I think the Holy Spirit was on him). They were content to let Moses do the thing of getting in the Lord’s presence and while he was away they fell into sin. I remember in a video I saw called the Bible.I was struck by the visual picture .when Moses was with the Israelites between the Sea (which hadn’t opened up yet) and the hard place of Pharoah at their heels) and the Israelites were saying to Moses “why did you bring us here to die!” Moses in that scene (who had been in the Lord’s Presence) said something to the effect of “guys, God is WITH US”. I was struck that “God is with us” is Immanuel, Jesus, and the Name about Him we think of most at Christmas…. I would have liked to see where Abigail experienced the Lord’s presence to take these decisive actions. Does the spirit of this story seem different than Esther’s to anyone else but me?

    1. You pose some interesting thoughts but in terms of Abigail bringing her husband to salvation I don’t think that was possible, hence the reason she hurried. There were lives at stake. An entire household was about to be killed. If you heard death was headed upon your house you might want to hurry.
      It says at the end of verse 17, “and he is such a worthless man that no one can speak to him.” If you believe Abigail was discerning then you would be safe to assume that she had already prayed over her husband numerous times, and quite possibly many years and he had not headed to the word of the Lord nor his wife’s Godly example.
      Additionally, when Abigail told him what she had done, Nabal didn’t praise her or God for that matter and say, praise be to God for saving my life, or praise be to God for this woman you brought me who interceded on my behalf. Instead he has a heart attack because he is presumably angry and ungrateful. Ten days later God struck him dead.
      I don’t think God had found fault on her for hurrying to save her families life. I’m not quite sure why her hurriedness is problematic for you given the circumstances. You are also taking the assumption that this is Nabal’s first time cheating someone and likely not. I would assume this is not Abigail’s first time setting right his wrong and perhaps she had already prayed to God in prior circumstances and each time she set wrong right. God did not admonish Abigail so I can’t imagine she went against the will of God. I believe it is because she was submissive to her husband that she went to David. He was an evil man, most women would have been glad to see him dead but instead she pleads for his life to be saved. She could have told David just kill Nabal because he is wicked but she didn’t. She was in fact loyal to her husband and while it doesn’t say she prayed to God, she did plead with a man who was chosen by God and he heard her.
      Verse 32:
      32 Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me….
      Verse 34:
      34 Nevertheless, as the Lord God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from harming you, unless you had come quickly to meet me, surely there would not have been left to Nabal until the morning light as much as one male.”
      David believes she was sent by God and that her coming quickly was also an act of God, not some decisive action conjured on her own.
      I hope this helps!

    2. I can tell that you really want to honor the Lord and your husband, with your life! What a blessing you must be to your husband!
      I think your view differs from the majority because you reading with the perspective of your life lens on. Personally, I don’t see the spirit of the stories as being different. I do see how they had to act differently (especially in the area of timing) in order to save their people (whether the nation or family). One person had the luxury of a more time than the other.

      I don’t see her as self-righteous at all. Perhaps its there somewhere, but I don’t see the evidence. I don’t think she meant to insult her husband by using his given name – that was probably the name his parents gave him.

      I also don’t think her actions caused her husbands premature death either – remember, David intended to kill all of them himself. If anything, she extended his life by 10 days. His heart failure is a result of his actions as far as I can tell (they mentioned that Abigail had to actually wait for him to sober up in order to even inform her husband about what had almost happened. Is this an indication that he might have been an alcoholic? Alcoholic’s often make foolish, irrational decisions like Nabal did…my father was an alcoholic and I sure can relate to the Nabal’s character here). His heart failure seemed to be the result of him realizing how close he’d come to death due to his own actions!

      Your insights is still completely valid. Honoring our husbands, regardless of their behavior is pure wisdom and discernment. Being careful of how we speak about our husbands is needed discernment as well. Seeking the Lord, constantly, is another facet of a discerning woman. Hopefully, as discerning women we realize that seeking Him daily is necessary for when we need to make important decisions fast!

      May God bless your marriage!

  13. I would add…the words of the hymn There is a Balm in Gilead.
    “Sometimes I feel discouraged
    and think my work’s in vain. But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.”

  14. Such a great teaching on discernment, and I love that you used this Bible example of Abigail to take us through the steps and landing on Apply it!

    I pray and need discernment in many areas of my life as I am sure we all do, and also for my writing.

  15. Thank you so much for conducting this study through 1 Samuel.
    love this story of this beautiful woman of Noble character Abigail, ( I think of the Proverbs 31 woman) & man after God’s own heart David

    Verse 18 Abigail makes haste with the lovely food she quickly prepared, before David gets to Nabal, & he’s that mad he wants to kill him. I don’t think God would’ve wanted it to happen that way & neither would Abigail.

    David was so angry when Nabal insulted David’s messengers
    V25 Abigail met with David with all of her best intentions when speaking with David, she knew of her husband’s folly – & Nabal means folly & she apologizes for it.

    Verse 29 “The soul of my Lord shall be bound up in the bundle of life with the Lord my God.” She recognizes David as a man of God & that the Lord greatly values him.

    I too need discernment in my parenting skills how I speak with my children & handle sensitive situations. Also with my spouse how to continuously be a Godly wife, & not give into my emotions or listening to other people’s personal opinions on how to be a better parent etc etc especially those who mean well, but it’s unwanted advice. Listening to them, though making sure to talk through with The Lord first! Each family is different & unique. Making God the centre of my own life & family life.

  16. Courtney,

    You are better than ever! God is using you in mighty ways. Thank-you for answering His call!
    Blessings to you, Meghan 🙂

  17. I need discernment in a career path. I was a medical transcriptionist for about 20 years. With changes in technology I needed to do something different. I still have a 10-year-old son in school. I have a job working at another school in a special education class. It was a such a good fit. I don’t make much money because I’m only allowed 29 hours a week. But it was very nice to be off almost the same schedule as my son. However, my husband had a stroke in October. He was self-employed. Now he is not able to work. I need to figure out what to do. I don’t have any formal education. I went to a college to learn medical transcription, but that is not recognized as a degree. I love working in special education. But, I need to make more money. We also have a daughter in college who lives with us and an older son is planning to move out some time this year, but is not able to at the moment. I really need discernment.

  18. I need discernment in parenting, my marriage and my finances. Sometimes I feel as if I know what I’m doing and other times I feel completely lost. I feel as if there are no answers at times evemn though I pray and speak to God, but I trust God completely and I know that my breakthrough will come.

  19. Awesome teaching, Courtney. Your words are strong and with conviction. I love the book of Samuel as it has so much to offer and I can learn about life and my spiritual journey. I really like the replies here that cause me to study it more and learn more. Praying today, especially for all who are needing discernment regarding their husbands. (including me)

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