Revive Your Marriage ~ Week 2


Last week, we began our challenge with prayer.  Sometimes after we have tried every other method to fix something, we turn to God in prayer.  God wants us to come to Him first – He is able! 

So keep on praying this week and let’s get started on Challenge number 2! 

Often times, the best way to change our attitude is to have a perspective change.  A few years back, a young mom in our church lost her husband unexpectedly.  It sent shock waves through me and the line to comfort the grieving wife was wrapped around the church.  That day was a wake up call for me.  My husband and I may feel young and invincible – but we aren’t invincible.  Accidents happen.  Sickness happens.  Death happens.  I’m not saying we should live in fear of these things – but I am saying that many widows are sitting alone tonight at their dinner table longing for just one more minute with their beloved husband – while I take my husband for granted.

Life is fleeting. 

James 4:14 says “You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

Psalm 144:4 says “Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow.”

For a short while, we have this life to lead with our husbands here on earth.  Are we living it well?

Think back to the first day you met your husband, the first time he held your hand or kissed you.  Remember those butterflies and how your mind soared.  You could.not.get.enough.of.him! 

My husband and I dated long distance for four years while I went to college in Chicago and he attended the Ohio State University.  We had short sweet summers and then tear-filled long goodbyes every fall.

I made a scrapbook to remember those years – here’s a few pages of it:

 We had major long distance phone bills – this was before cell phones lol!

We wrote each other a  letter while we were in college.  This page is from his letters to me – he always sealed his letters with a heart and often a count down until the next time we’d see each other.  I have nearly 1,000 letters in a box in our hall closet because we both saved them ALL!  This was before email lol!

After three very long years apart – before my senior year of college – Keith proposed.  These are pictures from the day we got engaged.

Then we returned to college for one more year apart before we married.

Wow – were we in love or WHAT?  We fought to stay connected – to have communication with each other even though we were hundreds of miles apart…and I want to encourage you today – to fight for your marriage. 

Fight to stay connected with your husband.  Ask him how his day was.  Listen to him when he is telling you about something that matters to him – even if it’s dry information to you!  Write him a note to express your love.  Send him a friendly text or email.  Give him a smile and hug when he comes in the door.  Ask him if he’d like a cold or a hot drink after dinner and chat with him.  Get a babysitter and go out to dinner. These are ways we can reconnect at the end of the day.

Do you remember the day you stood at the altar and vowed to be your husband’s wife – for better or worse.

 “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but the marriage that sustains your love.”
~ Dietrich Bonhoffer

You may have hit some “worse” days and the loving feelings may have faded – but your vows – your marriage – sustains the love.  Life is short.  There are no guarantees that our loved ones will always be with us.  Today is the day to revive your marriage.  Today is the day to communicate to your husband your love.  Pray for your husband.  Commit to being the wife you vowed to be.

Walk with the King,


**Chime In: Are you taking this week’s challenge? Share your love story with us in the comment section!
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  1. Heather Pfortmiller says

    This touched me deeply! My husband and I have been struggling to revive our marriage for over a year now and he will be leaving for job training for 3 weeks! Thank you so much for helping me to see our marriage from a different and new perspective! I truly feel like God has blessed me and my family just from reading your blog! Thank you so much for using the gift God has blessed you with to help bless, lead, and encourage others! <3

  2. Sharon says

    How sweet! My husband and I had a very very short courtship before getting married. We lived an hour from one another and that felt like agony! I can’t imagine being in different states while dating! Thanks for reminding me not to take my husband for granted. It’s something I do far too often.

  3. Mandy W says

    My husband and I also had a very short courtship. I had many years of (undesired) singleness, praying fervently for a husband. Finally, at the age of 31, my pastor set me up with a wonderful godly man. We had both been in the “real world” for several years and pretty much knew what we were looking for in a spouse…we knew within a couple weeks that we had found it in each other! Our courtship was short and sweet, and we were married 4-1/2 months later. Thank you for the reminder to cherish each other every day!

  4. jackie s says

    My husband and I have been married for 28 years. We are both Christians, but I don’t think we had a clue of what “being married” really meant for a long time. Happy times, fighting times, sad times,…but it took a major health scare and the near destruction of our marriage this past year to bring us both to the point that God desired. Love him, respect him, and thank God for him.

  5. Bonnie Vollmering says

    My husband and I celebrated 35 years on April Fools Day this year. What a journey for two young (I was 17 and he was 19) teenagers. For the most part, we have realized the love we felt in 1977 may not be the same as our love today. Our love has grown deep in the valleys and we celebrate the mountain tops. Two months ago, my husband asked me not to plan anything for next weekend. He has planned a weekend get-away for just the two of us. Even though we are empty nesters, life is busy with family (4 adult children, 2 son-in-laws and 6 wonderful grandchildren) and work. I like your message on attitude adjustments and perspectives. It is so easy to take for granted our husbands. I appreciate you sharing and encouraging us to revitalize our marriages. From the newlywed to the empty nesters, marriages are in motion. It is our choice wheter we choose togetherness or isolation. Changing the attitude and perspective changes the altitudes of our marriages! May God be glorified in each of our marriages!!!

  6. says

    Hi Courtney!

    I just wanted to pop in and say how much I’m loving this series. My husband and I have been married for four and a half years, and we have had 3 little ones since then. Even though we are busy constantly, we always put our marriage first. He does sweet things like take care of the kids and bring me breakfast in bed on the weekends (I’m a very lucky girl!!) and I try to make him his favorite foods and watch a lot of guy movies with him in the evenings.

    We also love looking through our dating scrapbook. My husband was such a “tough guy” when we met, and now gets excited when he sees a pretty princess doll because he knows our daughter would love it for Christmas. We had to go through 2 years of problems (family, financial, etc) before we were married, and I am grateful everyday that we made it through all the difficulties and have a wonderful life together!

    • Sarah says

      This is what we are currently going through -problems from family on both sides (or rather, family ideas nd expectations) and our own bumpy road. We love each other to pieces though. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we are not yet fully married (things to work out financially and place-wise living situations before then) but we are trying every day. We just had the most terrible afternoon and then the best finish -my partner was so loving when I needed him to be. It is so lovely to read about your happiness now and it spurs me n to get through the bad times to reap the best. I know I need to look to The Lord more to help m own insecurities, but there is a lot of other stuff to sift through….. Gah! :) best regards, Sarah.

  7. says

    That’s a long time to wait, Courtney! My man and I knew within a week that the Lord had chosen us for one another. We got engaged 3 months later and then married 3 months after that! 14 years later, I’d still say yes to him all over again. Thanks for sharing your story and for hosting this marriage revival. The more women hear about centering our marriages on the Lord, the better we can glorify Christ and lift His name on high. My marriage is my first ministry because it’s a living, breathing testimony to Jesus Christ.

    • Julie says

      That is incredibly similar timing to us! When I set eyes upon my husband I told my friend I was going to marry him! We weren’t Christians. We got engaged 3 weeks after meeting, married just 3 months after meeting and that was 17 years ago. We now have three children and my husband is a pastor, the Lord brought us together and has been the rock in our marriage. We have been through many trials but because of our commitment to the Lord we have made it through. My husband is the love of my life, my best friend and companion but I would be lying if I said we have a perfect marriage. The Lord’s grace is sufficient for all marriages, I can testify that through times of deep affliction, our marriage is stronger than ever.

  8. Karen says

    Thank you, Courtney. The encourgement and practical advise from your post has help me take a different look at the conflicts in my marriage. God bless!

  9. says

    Thanks for sharing this story, Courtney! I love the scrapbooks with the letters and phone bills. That was my relationship with my husband as well. We met when I was 19 and a sophomore in college. We were together in college for a year and a half followed by five years of long distance dating before we got married. I think I paid more in phone bills than I did for my car!

    When I was at She Speaks this year, the Lord spoke to me about my marriage. He told me that I am blessed to have my husband and that I need to honor and respect him and not take him for granted. So I kinda had a head start on your ‘revive your marriage’ program as I jumped right in the day I got home. And yesterday in church, as I watched him pray quietly, the Lord touched my heart again and showed me what a good, godly man I married, and gave me encouragement to keep up with my marriage revival plans. Everything you are suggesting – the friendly emails and texts, smiles and hugs, date nights and conversation are SO IMPORTANT. I feel so much more connected to him and so grateful to share my life with him.

    Thanks for all your encouragement!


  10. Brandi says

    Love this post and your Love Story is sweet! Interesting to read your post today as this morning’s prayer was primarily based around being more patient and appreciative of the wonderfully supportive husband I have. I realize that some days I take him for granted so to have prayed about this before coming downstairs and then to have read your post has me feeling that God is speaking to me in volumes today!!! A quick snippet of our Love Story – We met while living in a two family house, he lived on the 1st floor and I lived on the 2nd floor. I was single and he was dating someone at the time we first met. Never did I think we’d ever be an “item” but lucky for me, the girl he was dating moved on her way to do other things and he and I became friends. He was always so thoughtful, ambitious and I fell in love with him almost instantly although; for the record, he said “I love you” first {what a sweet man}. He’s the love of my life whom I truly wouldn’t know life without. I’m blessed to have my husband by my side every single step of the way through our lives together. Thank you for today’s post Courtney – it has awoken my heart and eyes to appreciate him for the qualities I originally fell in love with. It’s so easy to get caught in the trials and tribulations of every day life, still loving one another but sometimes losing sight of our extremely important relationships.

  11. says

    I love your scrapbook pages which you have made regarding staying connected with your loved one before you were married. So original and so much love and thought behind such.

    Good tips today also re: staying connected to our husbands.

  12. says

    Your story is so sweet and reminds me of our love story. I met my husband on August 3, 2006 and we got married August 10, 2007. Over that year and 6 days, we only saw each other 31 days in person because when we met, he lived 7 hours away. Then 2 months after we met, he went to Marine Corps boot camp in San Diego, CA. We were very young when we met. He just turned 18 and I was 17 almost 18. We knew we were meant to be within the 1st month of our long distance relationship. When I was visiting him before he left for boot camp, we wanted to go to the courthouse and get married without anyone knowing, but we knew our families would be so mad at us! And we wanted to make sure we could get through those 3 months while he was in boot camp with just snail mail and 2 very short phone calls.
    Anyways, since my husband is gone more than he is home, we are finding ways to rekindle our marriage. I am enjoying this September series and making it my own to fit my military wife lifestyle. Thank you, Courtney for being a model Christian wife for me to look up to :) Keep the inspiration coming!!

  13. Cheryl says

    Dear Courtney, I love your scrapbooks and pictures. I am from Maryland and my grandmother lived in St. michaels. Thanks for your advice on listening to what your husband is saying….many times I want to focus on what I want. My man is the love of my life and we are planning to be married in a couple of years, I aw divorced several years ago and he is a widow.

  14. Lyndsay says

    I can’t imagine waiting that long to marry my husband! We were (and still are) so crazy about each other that we married 8 months after we met. My husband still gives me butterflies and I look forward to him coming home from work everyday! I pray that God will continue to give us a strong desire for each other and this wonderful friendship that is such a blessing to us! Thanks for the reminder of how much fun it was falling in love with my husband!

  15. says

    This really hit me this morning. My husband was arrested on the 27th of August, and since the 3rd of September after the shock of all that had happened wore off me, I have been writing him a letter every single day. I can only see him 2x a week for 30 minutes at a time, and last week was only able to see him once for 15 minutes. In spite of all that has happened, I believe in my heart that God’s hand is in this to draw us closer together by forcing us to focus on HIM and who we each are in HIM. My eyes are no longer on my husband because I know that he is in God’s hands, and so my eyes must focus on God’s will in my life.

  16. Lisa says

    Thank you for sharing your a peek at your love story with us, it was very sweet! I cannot imagine waiting that long to marry my husband. What a patience building experience! My husband is the most dramatic and overwhelming display of God’s love for me ever. :) We met after I’d made a mess of my life and finally surrendered my future into God’s hands. I prayed God would send me someone wonderful who truly loved me. I met my husband-to-be just days after that prayer. God gave me the most wonderful man in the world and we’ve been happily married for 17 years this October and have been blessed with three children. :) Praising God for his Goodness!

  17. Katie says

    Thank you so much for the reminder to remember! 😉

    As others have said, I desperately needed the nudge to appreciate the awesomely amazing husband I have.

    Our love story is so full of God. Looking back, I am awestruck by how he authored every little detail and brought us together to become a family. We met in our local home school group when I was 13 and my hubby was 12. We were in a play together…and he has teased me that I didn’t even remember he was there until he reminded me in later years. My brothers were friends with his brothers, but we didn’t really become good friends until our mid-teens when our families started attending the same church group. I was thrilled because I had admired him from early on and knew he was the man I wanted to marry by the time I was 17. I was just praying and waiting on God to show HIM! :-) What really brought us closer, though, was the sudden illness and eventual death of my mother. He made a point to call and see how I was doing often and to write letters of encouragement, which started the correspondence that carried us into our courtship and eventually our engagement. Your list of phone bills reminded me of the 3 and 4-hour-long phone conversations we would have in the evenings! We had sooo much to talk about! We were married in 2007 when he was 19 and I was 20, sharing our very first kiss at our wedding. So sweet!! Five years and two precious little boys later, I am still so in love with him, in so many more ways than I could have imagined!

  18. says

    Love to hear other people’s love stories! Can’t believe you wrote letters every.single day…that’s a lot of letters! lol. So sweet, and you’re so right that we shouldn’t take each other for granted! This is something that I remind myself of constantly.

  19. says

    At the time, my 2+ year long-distance relationship with my husband before we were married was agonizing. We longed for our times together and our hearts broke at every goodbye…I do not miss those days.

    But, looking back, I’m so thankful that we had that long-distance experience. Talking on the phone nearly every night taught us how to communicate and listen well. Being able to share my heart with him was one of the main reasons I married my husband. The long-distance communication really formed a healthy pattern for our relationship.

  20. says

    My husband and I celebrated our 20 year anniversary last month. We renewed our vows and I feel like a newly wed all over again. Not that it wasn’t special the first time, but with just me, my husband and the minister, I was truly able to hear and feel what I was saying and commititin to all over again. I got emotional saying our vows all over again.
    He was in the military so we had months apart and we tried to always talk at the end of the day, even if it was just for a few minutes to say hello, and I love you.
    This is an awesome challenge. I pray daily, but had never asked my husband if he had anyone or anything specific that he wanted me to pray for him, and he did!
    This week will be a tough challenge….I’m like it being all about me…! I’m going to try really hard to make his days about him.

  21. Courtney says

    I love the scrapbook!! We have one very similar. :). This is an excellent reminder! My husband is in the Navy and I recently saw a quote that said “Luve like he deploys tomorrow”. It’s so true that leading up to a long separation I am the most living, caring, doting wife–but what about the rest of the days I have with him? I’m going to pray that I would be the kind of wife he needs everyday! Thank you again for the reminder.

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