How To Maintain Your Marriage When Your Husband Travels – Part 2

In Part 1 – I laid out all my personal struggles with my husband traveling…the loneliness, the hardships of having to manage the children and emergencies alone, the fears and exhaustion and even the underlying bitterness from seeing other couples together while we were apart.

I was honestly surprised by the response! I had no idea there were so many of us out there experiencing the SAME thing.

I mentioned that I “felt” like a single mom…but I’m NOT.  Single moms do not have a provider or a man coming home soon to father their children.  I cannot pretend to know the depth of their trials.  The small taste I have had of running the show alone gives me a deep respect for single moms across the globe who daily press on for the sake of their children.  You all amaze me! {and I wish I could give you a long hug and look you in the eye and say -“God is with you, keep leaning on him for strength.  He has helped me and I know he will help you too.”}

Now let’s turn the tables and take a look at our husbands.

Why are they traveling?  To work…to provide a paycheck, home, clothes and food for their family. This is a good and noble thing.  I Timothy 5:8 says, If anyone does not provide for his family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So our husbands working is a good thing and don’t let the critics steal that honor from your husband.

Is traveling easier than the work we do at home while they are gone?  {I tend to focus on the one steak dinner he had and forget the other 4 nights he had Burger King}…

It’s not easy catching flights, sitting in airports for hours trapped, or driving long distances sometimes late into the night in snow storms, finding their hotel and living out of a suitcase for a week, hearing about their child’s little league games and carrying the guilt of having to miss them.  Then there’s the actual business they are carrying out while they are gone –a man’s work has many challenges including dealing with co-workers whose personalities are hard, customers who can be difficult to please, or bosses who are less than reasonable.  Sometimes the work they went to do goes sour – the deal falls through or the project they were working on is a failure…

And they come home to us – tired and exhausted.

But what they find is their wife –tired and exhausted too.

And if we aren’t careful, this is a recipe for a disaster in marriage.  I’ve been there – I’ve been ready to break out for the weekend and party! And he just wants to watch football all.day.long.

Hold it right there mister!  You mean you leave all week and I support your endeavors and now you are not catering to me and my desires!!!  Let World War 3 begin!!!!

Marriage takes team work and for it to work we have to get ON our husband’s team. 

We have to look outside our selfish desires and look to the needs of our husband.  I think it is important that we do voice our needs…but if we are voicing them to the point of WW3…then pull back.  Let it go for a while.

Here’s is how we have maintained our marriage while my husband is away:

1.  We talk daily. Every single night that my husband is out of town we talk on the phone.  We usually call him before the kids are in bed and he talks to each of them and they share their favorite part of their day and chat a little.  Then after the kids are in bed – we talk.  Our norm is to talk for about 1 hour.  Some nights he can’t – so we talk 5 minutes – other nights we get carried away and talk 2 hours. But we NEVER go a day without talking.

2.  I choose to not get bitter.  Bitterness can creep into every crevice that you allow!  Banish it!  I do not waste energy dreaming of him being here and or how our lives would be better if he didn’t travel.  This is my life and I will choose joy.

3.  I Choose contentment.  The grass will always seem greener if you choose to envy other people’s grass.  But rather than looking around at everyone else, I have to work on watering and fertilizing my own grass to keep it green and choosing contentment is the first step.

4.  I’m thankful for a working man.  So many women long to have a good man in their life who loves them and their children and who is willing to work and bring a pay check home.  Be thankful your man is out slaying dragons for his family.

5.  I take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I learned long ago that no one was going to say to me “sit down and take a break” or “go take a bubble bath and read a good book.”  I had to choose to make sure that I took care of myself so I had more to give to my kids while my husband was away.  For a short season in life, I even got a babysitter to come one day a week for just 3 hours while my kids napped in the afternoon.  I used these three hours to run a few errands without kids attached to my hip and then I always ended with 30 minutes at Starbucks or the library reading a good book.  I was pro-active and I blessed myself. lol! (remember bubble baths are FREE and a great stress reliever!!!)

5.  Turn to God for all your needs This is a BIG one!  I know what’s like to feel lonely.  Job and Elijah felt so alone they wanted to die. Jeremiah wished he had never even been born. Satan can use this time to enter sinful thoughts into our minds such as self pity, self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. We may attempt to put a band aid on the pain by turning to the television, alcohol, shopping, binge eating, or excessive computer time.  But, the only comfort I ever found was in releasing my needs to God in prayer and then trusting God. It has been in my trusting and delighting – that God has filled the God shaped hole inside of me, to the brim.

 6.  We’re his greatest fans!  Before my husband leaves I always know his schedule.  Daily the children and I pray over the specific meetings, challenges, customers and appointments he has.  This keeps me feeling like I’m on the same team.  I like to help him pack and we always stand and wave on the porch – and he honks as he pulls out the driveway.

When the children were little and had no understanding of time, we would count down “sleeps” until daddy was home.  If there were 3 days left till he’d be home, I’d say three more sleeps till daddy’s home.  If they were still nappers, I’d say 6 more sleeps until daddy’s home.   We also text photos and facetime him.

And I try to look on the bright side…for me, when he travels that means I can spend all evening on my computer socializing and blogging – wooohoo!!!  God has used my husband’s travels for good ;)

 **Chime In: How do you maintain your marriage while your husband is away?

Walk with the King,

 

Are you desperate to find joy in your walk with God, marriage, parenting and home…

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Comments

    • Dee says

      Well I can certainly relate to all of this except that now my sons are 16 and 25 and they have become man of the house. They step in and take care of things. My relationship with my husband sadly is over as he made no time for our marriage or fatherhood, all he did was provide. I am very grateful to him and appreciate all he has done but he let something very important slip away. After all these years I have come to believe that men who cannot make time for a relationship with their wife and children should not selfishly have children. Its not fair to anyone. I am now feeling all the pain of these long lonely years of marriage as my boys are grown and the business of raiseing them alone is no longer a distraction. I sit here alone. I wake up and go to bed alone. His being home on weekends is just a tease as he recoups for another long week and there is no way to reconnect as he is leaveing again soon and I find I am not happy or fufilled in any way in this marriage. He is a good man but he has his priorities all wrong and at 43 years old I can honestly say I was foolish to compromise all of my needs as a woman to be with him. WHat a fool I have been. Now Im here trying to decide what to do with the second half of my life. Im not interested in dateing anyone else. So maybe I will just stay here untill the end. I have a lovely home, my bills are all paid for, I sleep in my own bedroom, I do what I like. It is he that is now feeling the terrible loneliness as we are detached from one another and he wants to quit his job because I no longer live my life around him. Waiting to see what happens. jPraying for a miracle…or at least a new job . Wish I hadnt enabled him all thiese years to neglect us so much, maybe he would have wanted the change in his job sooner if I hadnt been trying so hard to keep it all together with his poor priorities. God Bless.

      • Barbie says

        Thank you for writing this. I am in the exact same position. Your words have articulated everything I feel and couldn’t express. I love him but I am so miserable and angry. I also have my whole family deceased, a disabled son, and I hate where we live. Thank you for posting and helping me find my words.

    • Luisa Gonzalez says

      I have been married (remarried) for two years now, and have an 8 month old baby. I also have a 17 and 15 year old. Prior to remarrying I had been a single mom for close to 7 years. So, I was used to being alone, or so I thought. Shortly after getting married, I realized that I didn’t like my husband going off to work away for weeks. I’m still having trouble coping. I thought that since I was used to being single that I would be okay, but I really wasn’t. I wanted my husband home every night. I wanted for us to spend as much time together as possible. I’m afraid that my sadness, jealousy, and whining is going to end our marriage. I try to be strong, but the sadness takes over. I need to cope with this and understand that it isn’t easy for him either. Please share ways in which you have dealt and coped with a similar situation. Thanks .

      • Paula Perkins says

        I am in the same boat Luisa. Remarried for 4 years with 2 children, 11 and 9 from a previous marriage and a 14 month old with my husband. I thought having been a single mom for 5 years before I met my husband would make his traveling easy for me. Boy was I wrong. Being a married single mom is so hard. It almost seems lonelier because you do have that shared love with another person but they aren’t there to share it with. It is so hard. My husband doesn’t have a set schedule. He could be home one night and called to work the next day. Some travel is scheduled in advance but often it’s spur of the moment. The hardest part for me is knowing he’s missing out on our baby boy’s life. He gets so clingy to daddy when he’s home and cries if his dad puts on a coat and walks to the front door. It’s heartbreaking for all of us. This article was very encouraging though. I know I’m not alone!

      • Amy B. says

        I’m engaged to a man who works out of town A LOT, unexpectedly, for extended periods. I am struggling with whether I want to marry him knowing this is the way it’s going to be. I was married for 18 years before to a man who worked all the time & know the pain and loneliness of being a married yet single mom. I don’t want to do it again. The difference is that my ex-husband was abusive, controlling, and an alcoholic who didn’t care (still doesn’t) about anyone except himself. My fiancee is my soulmate, the kind of perfect match I didn’t think existed, & he loves me dearly & treats me well, and we never fight except about his job. I know he’s not happy about it either but it’s not going to change, he’s been with this company too long. I love him and miss him so much. It was easier in the 5 years after my divorce when I was just a single mom on my own, free to live my life the way I wanted, free to make plans for my future. I find I don’t even want to make wedding plans because almost every time I make plans for anything he gets called off to work last minute and then I’m left either going alone or not at all. He promises me that he can get the time off for the wedding & honeymoon, but I know this is just the beginning. I’m afraid of feeling alone and trapped once we’re married. I don’t want to lose someone special, but I don’t want to be stuck in a lonely marriage again either. Heartbroken & unsure…

        • Leda says

          Amy, I think you and I are in the same situation. My fiance also works out of town about 90% of the time. Many nights he doesn’t call home, and I am left to wonder whether or not this will work. We are supposed to be planning a wedding, but, like you, I am wondering if that wedding will ever get planned and done, or if I will opt out of it at this time. I was a single mom for several years, and in a lot of ways it was easier. Many things are taken care of for me financially, and I am going to school full time while he supports the family. It’s the lack of contact while he is gone, and knowing the type of people he works with and the not so nice places he sometimes has to go that sets my hair on fire. There’s nothing like knowing his coworker has no decency and is obtaining prostitutes in his presence while they are on a job. I pray things become more clear for both of us.

          • Peaches says

            Dont do it! The fight will always be the same. And I really dont see how anyone can overcome the bitterness. I always hear the same ” we need to get on the same team” story. But I’ve been emotionally dead for years

    • Jeanie G. says

      My husband travels about 8 months cumulatively out of the year, a similar situation to yours with being gone monday-friday and coming home for the weekend. We are newlyweds and most of our marriage already has been him traveling for his job. Since we do not have children yet, I am always by myself when he is gone. I find it difficult to just be alone and without him. I have phone calls and text messaging, FaceTime and Facebook. However, I find myself lonely for him to be there when I wake up for work, there at night so we can pray together, there to share my day with when I’m done with school. It’s hard to be away from him, but we manage. We talk as much as we can while he is away, and we try to spend time together when he comes home. We run errands and try to go on dates, we go to church on Sundays because that is really his only day off, unless he is out of state. It’s nice to know I am not alone. :)

    • Lily says

      What a pleasant surprise. I went in search for a suitable message to write to my husband on his 3 week trip because I was getting stuck for some reason. I clicked on the link because of passages from the bible. I want to say that this was a lovely note and great responses, we can all equally learn from each others success and failure’s in our relationships, our marriage, our perspective and how we handle things. Thank you for confirming for me that the Lord is our strength, he is a God of strength and expects us to emulate his good deeds even in the midst of suffering. And we know this is not easy but he’s always by your side, he stands with the widow, the fatherless and the lonely. I was a single teenage mom for almost 20 years before getting married, so I know that having someone by your side is a blessing and a gift, care for it well. I’ve seen the other side of raising a child alone, going to school, building a career and building a company and so I say work with your husband, you are no where near being a single mom. The burdens of a single mom doing everything at home and having to be provider is not the same. I see that now being married, my husband is a good man and I see he wants to be and is a provider and as someone who has always had to take care of everything it is a pleasant surprise. I know you may seem alone but your not, your husband is there in spirit, also marriage is work for you and for him. There were some good ideas provided to help one another, hire a nanny once in a while, utilize technology, perhaps if possible attend a traveling trip with him if you can or the last leg of his trip, stay in constant communication, “shut your mouth when a petty or ridiculous argument will take over”, your both stressed so schedule a wknd massage for two or go to the beach or an outing together. I cycle to help with stress, I’ve been riding for almost 15 yrs, its a good stress reliever, and gives quiet time from the noise at work and at home, my husband even rides now so I feel like I shared this with him. Take up exercising ladies, keep your bodies in shape for you and for him, think of it as a good deterrent to divorce. My husband and I talk a lot, we will read the paper together or watch a movie, he may even join me in the kitchen while I cook or I watch sports….huhhhh, but you got to do it. Before we got married, I always traveled for leisure or business b4 marriage so we were use to being apart for a bit and there is nothing like the telephone, we invest in this, we use BOSS Revolution and load up our phone’s to be able to talk throughout the day since there is a lot of int’l travels, we text and call each other throughout the day. Someone mentioned temptation, yes it is there, realize it and find ways to address it. But what I have found in my research and discoveries’ women don’t always leave marriage due to cheating, by then you’ve invested a lot in the marriage, it is finances. So as an accountant I think it is necessary to mention that sometimes I tend to see that the stay at home mom or the wife that let’s the husband handle all of the finances and taking care of the bills is sometimes lost on these affairs, please get involved ladies, understand what’s happening behind the scene and don’t be comfortable with saying my husband handles the finances, he takes care of me. Many women are left with nothing in or after the marriage because of this attitude, especially sometimes when husband is deceased and wife must now try to pick up the peaces.

      • Melissa says

        I think it’s easy for you to say, but when you are raising young kids “alone” while your spouse is constantly gone, it’s not so easy to do the things that you mention. You are looking at this through the eyes of someone who is not currently raising small children. It’s a whole different ball game to be dealing with the witching hour alone every night while he travels or trying to manage all of the kids activities alone while he is off yet again. Of course, I’m trying to not be bitter or take it out on him, but it is VERY hard to be on your own without your husband and with kids who miss him dearly. Plus, mine aren’t old enough to stay calm if we talk to him. Talking to him nightly only riles them up and makes things more of a hassle for me. It’s even more fun when you are pregnant with littles. I’m exhausted by the time he gets home, and he has to take over, leaving little time for the two of us. I don’t say this to complain like crazy, but the above post had a hint of “suck it up,” which is easy to say if your children are older. I’m sure that makes all the difference. I don’t regret our decisions, but I do wish his job required less from him. If my son were to start looking at jobs, it would be something that i would tell him to consider.

        • Maria says

          sadly you sound like you have already got into the Bitter stage and it is usually down hill from here. Think about the thousands of woman whose men went and still are going to war and bringing their small children up with love and good thoughts about their father. IF you are bitter and speaking bad about their father and always tired imagine the impact that is having on your children. Are you living in a nice home with food on the table and your bills paid with your children going to school with lunches and attending activities after school. Guess how that is all being paid for …. you got it… from your husband.
          Keep thinking the way you are and complaining and you will be along permanantly bringing up the children and your husband may find peace in just coming home to silence instead of a moaning wife who does not appreciate her part in the marriage.

        • Peaches says

          I gave birth to three sons 15 YEARS AGO. HE’S STILL “trying to get home.” Its been eventful throughout the years. I have acted out in many ways to change him. Nothing worked, and although I still hear the same words today….I know it never will. If he hears me say that truth, then he says thats exactly why he can’t get home….I haven’t done enough I’m not on his team
          What. Ever

    • Sam Cole says

      This article has very gendered language – what about the working women who travel and have a husband at home? Marriage is a partnership, a 2 way street, and about equality. Belief in God does not need to equate to pre-defined roles -there is no such thing as a “man’s work” versus a woman’s work Communication and mutual respect are a necessity.

    • Robin says

      I know I have a great husband, honestly he is the best person I’ve ever met. This is a second marriage for both of us, and we both spent years alone or in the dating game. We adore being with each other he is truly my best friend. The problem is he is working in GA while our home is in NJ. Four days a week he is in GA and comes home Thursday and leaves again Sunday night. I am lonely and stressed and isolated while he is away and to be honest a little jealous at times. I know I am grateful for what he does and I know he adores me but it puts a crimp in life there is no together time. When he gets home I am exhausted and usually asleep by 9:30pm on Thursday and Friday I catch up on sleep by Saturday spend a little time with him before he leaves to go to work again. ( i should explain I work FT and we have four kids, the eldest is disabled and has an aide who helps out during my work time. The other three are in college, so working is a must). It is difficult and I rather feel like I am being cheated out of life with the man I adore, and the romantic life does suffer, and my nose gets out of joint when he gets to go out to dinner every night and no one needs anything from him or when a household dilemma rears its ugly head as it always does. Sometimes I feel like my head will pop off if one more thing goes wrong and then it does. Then I go to bed and thank God for him and ask for patience and a more rational response to the issue. Do I tell him how I feel, oh yes! Along with how and what I miss about him. We have a joint game plan of what we need to do and exactly how long we are willing to handle life like this and we have a drop it plan. If I say I need you to come home he comes home, have not used that card yet, well I was in the hospital one time recently and he worked from home for that week. I know how everyone feels, it is a bit poopy sometimes. But you have to set a limit of what you both want how your getting there and what your end goal is. Then you both have to stay true to those goals, unhappy is just a state of mind, think of it a new way, plan for an end point and never accept less than you both deserve from each other or from life. You can always move, change jobs, live with a bit less, or deal with it. A great partner is worth working for. (Its not always the guys who work away from home either).

    • Michelle says

      Wow this was the first article I found as I am in dealing with my husband traveling almost every week. Last year it went on for several months and now it is starting up again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel of travels ending but I’m having a really hard time. I end up giving him a hard time at times before he is set to leave. Once he is gone I am trying to put on a smile. But I feel like that there is not much to talk about and then I start to feel worse. You say you talked an hour to two. What do you talk about? I’m struggling and feeling like giving up on the marriage because it is just too hard. But I know that is wrong in God’s eyes but having a difficult time. I am stressed. I work full time from home and have a son and special needs daughter so life is busy with my daughter. I know I am probably being selfish but I feel like I deserve more. I try to get out of this funk I feel I am in but feel I am going deeper in it. This article was enlightening.

  1. says

    I was moaning about being a ‘single mum’ one day last year, when the Lord corrected me. I am here, he said, you are not alone. That certainly changed my perception of things! For one thing it gave me peace of mind and courage to face many challenges. My kids and I live in one country while my husband lives and works in another. For both hubby and I, being aware that God is near and is very much involved in all of our lives, no matter the geographical distance, is very comforting. And yes, communicating each day is very helpful. :)

  2. says

    My husband doesn’t travel much but he WORKS a lot. As in the only 2 times in our 11 year marriage that we’ve spent a week together was our honeymoon and the birth of our first child. Other than that, he can take a day off here and there, but basically no real vacation time. Add that to the fact that his major stress-reliever is cycling means that he spends quite a bit of the weekend out on his bike.

    It can be hard sometimes. But I’m a stay at home mom and he pays all the bills and he’s a great husband and father to our kids.

    • Judi says

      I can understand how Jamie feels as my husband loves cycling too. If they want to be competitive then it means spending lots of time on the bike. My son who is 18 also cycles, and the two of them have been great mates with cycling, but at the moment our son is in France riding for a junior team and loving it, so my husband must now go back to riding on his own. It has also means that I can now accompany him when we go to different events, although we did all go before, but it seems more special now. We too have not had a real holiday altogether for some time. I’m sure life does get better.

      • Ema mama says

        The biggest step with jealousy is to realize you are not going to leave the person or at least not anytime soon. When a person is done the fighting ends and they start planning to get out alone. Knowing that you are fighting over jealousy because of the long distance insecurity you can then handle it different.
        When you talk to each-other let him know you need reassurance. Another option: Make it a joke. For example, hey babe, how was your day? Did you see any hot babes today?
        That way you can make light of the hurt inside of you and you both won’t be fighting, however, you will get the reassurance you are looking for.
        I knew a Samoan couple who had four kids. They worked opposite shifts and one of them had two jobs. Barley ever saw each other. Yet! They were so inlove and so happy that they had there family and when they did have a day off to spend together they made a party of it. Cooked huge meals for there family and it was beautiful. They never acted like divorce was an option they acted like preserverance was the key to happiness.
        Having my husband work away from home has been a major challenge. On one end I enjoy the freedom of not having to deal with anyone’s baggage, on the other, I have to deal with the fact that the love of my life is off out there in ye big world living a life without me. Sheesh! It gets hard. But we all have to make sacrifices in this economy to survive and that is what we are doing. I wish you all luck as well as myself. :)

  3. Kelly(@RNCCRN9706) says

    My husband doesn’t travel for work, well he does have a 45 minute one way commute while I have a 30 minute commute to work. Since we work different shifts, he’s on 2nd and I’m on 3rd, it’s almost as if,he’s away all week & we reconnect on weekends. We split the household duties & bills. He takes our son to school every morning and on my weekdays off, I pick him up. We have my brother-in-law, who’s single & retired and he also helps out during the week with picking our son up and taking him to basketball games. This is our reality right now and we spend as much time together as we can on weekends. Come spring, we’ll be spending the weekends at camp since we have a travel-trailer at a permanent campsite about 30miles away from home on a man made lake that’s on the OH/PA border about an hour north of Pittsburgh. Can’t wait for April 15!!!

  4. Joanne says

    How to maintain a marriage while your husband is away. This is a lesson of love, to give with nothing in return, without expectations. ICor 13, and a very thankful heart to God, for all things work together for good to them that love God….. there is no condemnation to them who walk after the Spirit. If we think of the word condemnation, we realize it comes at us, or comes from us, but ultimately it is not from God. A lot of time this condemnation comes from the enemy to our minds, and our soul. Rolling like a wave through our heart and mind. This is where the brakes must be put on, fast, strong and with great force. Out loud like our LORD in the desert, with a loud, firm voice to the enemy with the Word of God.. Then entering into his gates with thanksgiving, and praising God with the continual thanksgiving of our lips. This is the sound mind, the power and the love of God. We need to teach ourselves and our children at a young age to practice. Then relax for God is the husband of the widow and Father of the fatherless: if it is one day we are a widow, or permanently. Lean hard into his promises for widows and orphans.

  5. Anon says

    With lots of traveling also comes the rist of Extra Marital Affairs on both parties, especially the men! Would be nice to know how to lower that risk. Yes your website has been a real blessing, But I’m bringing up a very big and painful reality, because it happens.

    God Bless.

    • Mary says

      Having a pilot for a hubby, many people have pointed out to me before the high rate of unhappy marriages, affairs and divorce amongst those in the industry. I have always had the attitude that the stats are not us! We are in control of our marriage and how we behave, not other people! Anyway, the bottom line I think for us has really been communication. We talk every day on the phone – sometimes multiple times. Although we’re not physically present with each other, we’re very involved in each other’s doings, and that helps immensely! When your keeping track of each others’ doings and waiting for that next call, you don’t have time to even think about straying :-)

    • Ashley says

      Anon, one resource I would recommend is “The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage”. You are completely right that this is a very real & serious threat to marriages. I think it would be naive to assume that just because you are “into each others doings & waiting for the next phone call, you won’t even have time to think about straying”. There are many “intimacy” books at the CHRISTIAN bookstore that may also have great recommendations for ways to keep both husband and wife “fulfilled” during long stretches apart. I hope you are able to find some resources for ideas & strategies to protect your marriage! Love in Jesus, Ashley

    • Sarah says

      WeeksMy husband works on an oil rig and is away from home 2 weeks at a time, affairs are not uncommon in his line of work. But honestly I think it can happen in any line of work. I agree with what was said before, just because it happens doesn’t man it will to us, and you have to do what you can to build that relationship, and keep a close living relationship with your spouse, even while he is away. And also like above the power of prayer, I fully trust my husband and his commitment to us, but I do like to pay for my husband daily, for his safety at work, but I do include a prayer that he will resist the temptations that come his way, and the protection of our marriage. Make sure you build your husband up even when he is gone.

    • Lauren says

      Having a currently deployed husband myself, I would advise Anon to use Skype with your husband and don’t be shy! Encourage your husband to be open and honest about his needs and struggles while he’s apart from you. Pray pray pray for him. Stand vigilant against temptation yourself as well.

  6. Megan says

    Thank you for this series! My husband does not do much travel for work, and so my initial thought was “this series is not for me”. But you never disappoint and once again, I have found yet another gem to carry along with me. My husband works VERY hard for his family. His job includes dinners with clients and things far more glamorous than my “stay at home mommy life”. It’s easy to forget how exhausting his day has been when I know his tummy is full with a delicious, professionally cooked meal and mine is full with chicken nuggets. I think your rules to keeping a marriage vital when hubby travels is equally applicable to those of us who are lucky enough to have him at home too!

  7. Midon says

    Thank you for this! My husband is gone for 3-4 weeks then usually home for 5 days then gone to National Guard Drill for 2. I know that feeling of being a “single” mom. It stinks! But, I am so greatful he has a job, and he is providing for us. We talk everyday. Sometimes it is only a few minutes, but on days like that we make sure and text each other often ( even if it is just a smiley face or I Love You!). This helps us both stay connected. He also reads to the children when he can. We have four young children and he will try to remember to bring books along and read to them when he says good night. This really helps them. Praying for each other often is a big source of strength and comfort. Homeschooling is also really great because the kids will do extra work while daddy is gone so that we can spend all of our time with him as much as possible while he’s here. We will be facing our first deployment at the end of this year, so I am extremely greatful to see him as much as we do, and I try to show him that as often as possible.

    Btw, I don’t know about everyone else, but we always have a tendency to get into a fight over the phone on his drive home. I’ve finally realized this and as soon as I see it about to happen I do the best thing I can, shut my mouth! lol… :) seriously though, It’s not worth it!

    • Ashley says

      Midon, these are great tips! I especially like the tip about shutting the mouth when you sense an argument coming! I need to implement that! :)

  8. Jessica Reno says

    I traveled for my job for many years. The first 5 years of our marriage, my husband was living elsewhere due to the Navy so I did a lot of traveling. I learned a lot about what to and not to do on travel and how to deal with thing. Fast forward 12 years and now my husband is “home” and in a job where he travels for a week or more at a time. We talked it over before he took the job and I told him that i would be here for him and we would be fine. I’d been there, done that. When he schedules business trips, I help him pack, make sure he has “snacks” for the plane and money in his pocket. We talk every morning and every evening, we video chat with google with our son so he can see Daddy every day. I love when he comes home! Because we work for the same company, I’m able to help him navigate through the travel stuff he has to do becuase I’ve already been there. It helps. Since we both work outside the home, it does sometimes strain on me when he travels but honestly, I don’t mind. He’s doing a job he loves and it makes him happy to feel the way he does when he does his work. That happiness in him makes me proud to be his wife. Occasionally I have to travel and he ‘remembers’ how difficult I have it when I’m home either wiht him or without him. It always brings him back to earth when he acutally has to take care of everything mom takes care of for him. I would not trade him for anything.

    When he was stationed in Puerto Rico the first two years of our marriage we only saw each other every 2-3 months for a couple of days. it was hard but we talked EVERY day. We would even rent the same movie and watch it together on the phone. That amount of communication really strengthened our marriage…

  9. Stacy says

    Thank you so much for posting this…Being a wife of a traveling husband for almost 14 years I often find myself in that rut of POOR PITIFUL ME senerio…I allowed satan to use my loniness and stress of being the stay at home parent to cause many of WW3…Since finding your blog and watching your video messages the LORD has allowed through your empathy of knowing where we are coming from, my eyes to be opened on how much of this I controlled and how much of this I caused…Thank You for allowing the LORD to use you in a way and speak to those of us women in our own language, that we may all strive to be more of the Proverbs 31 wives these hard working men deserve…May the LORD continue to use and bless you in a great and mighty way that only he can!

  10. Sandra stephenson says

    Good morning. First of all thanks to my friend Danielle for posting this on Facebook.
    What an awesome portrayal and tool to help wives when their husbands are away. I will say I am a 30 year veteran of a husband who has traveled since we said “I Do”!!! In the beginning, it was the hardest thing ever. I was only 20 years old and never lived alone. I didn’t understand what all he did when he was away. I was scared to be alone. I didn’t have children yet so it was okay. But as soon as my children were born, then I believe the problems started cause I felt like I was all alone raising my children, and trying to work and keep up with everything. I felt like I was drowning and when he came home, we argued all the time. Our marriage suffered but we persevered. It was very rocky for a few years. I look back now and laugh cause I remember fighting over him getting to eat at nice restaurants and staying in amazing places! I was crazy! And don’t think for a second that my mind didn’t wander whether he was with other women. That’s just Satan!! Because once I stayed home and raised my children and didn’t work and prayed to my God to help me be the best mom and wife of a husband who traveled, my life changed. I now am so thankful that he works hard to support our family in every way. I am a better wife than ever, and any fears of him traveling are gone. When he comes home… He comes home to ME!!!! And just so you know… I enjoy my nights now when he’s gone, cause it’s quiet and I can do whatever… Talk on the phone, watch any channel, and sleep with the TV off!!! Lol. Love him more than ever!!!!!!! God bless all of you !!!!! This made my day to see I’m doing it well!

  11. Doris says

    Thank you so much for this blog, Courtney :)!! It is an inspiration to me! I try not to feel bad when my husband travels so much for work. He’s been working for this company alomost a year and a half. I figured it out one day last year and he was around “home” working for only 1 1/2 months during the year and some of those months he wasn’t home even on the weekends. So, blessed man that he is, moved me closer to my family and friends :) It is hard like you said not to feel lonely and I absolutely agree with you about turning that over to God, it does work!

    One of the hardest things for me, is the fact that we don’t have a second vehicle. So, I am home during the week without a way to go anywhere. This is where I can understand your feelings of hating to burden anyone. On the weekends my poor tired out husband and I run all day Saturday getting the shopping done for the week while he’s away.

    I have learned to be independant on a lot of things that my husband would normally do around the house…fix a leaky pipe in the laundry room, kill the mouse that was running around the house ;), I have even started learing to kill a spider (only with the Lord’s help)!!

    When I staarted feeling really bad about all the time my husband works away from home, I started REALLY praying about it. My answer from God was, that this is my job that He has given to me. To make my house a home and to be a keeper of it while my husband is away. I have learnt to be very content with God’s help and that has made a big difference in me and my husband, because he now comes home to a much more contented wife.

    Sorry this was so long :)

  12. Sharlene says

    Thanks for this series! It was really great to read this! And for me, it helps to remember, that, yes, he is eating a steak dinner at Kelsey’s, but he also eating alone. I may be eating Kraft dinner with the kids for the 3rd time that week, but at least I have the kids to keep me company, keep me entertained, and to keep me busy. For my husband, one of the hardest parts is eating alone…..

  13. Amanda Cross says

    Courtney,
    This was such an encouragement to my heart. My husband doesn’t travel for work, but he works long hours. I stay home with our three year old boy and the last few years I have felt all of these feelings. It has been very hard at times. When he gets home, I’m so ready to let him take over the responsibilities of child rearing. There have been times that I begged him to call in sick to work because I didn’t think I could last one more day home alone with a child. Thank you so much for exhorting me. I think I need to print this out and read it often.

  14. Karey says

    I still trying to figure out the best way to handle my husband being away. With another little one on the way my energy is gone, and it’s hard for me to figure out the best way to do things.

  15. Amanda says

    This really helped me, I am about to get married. My fiancé can be gone for weeks at a time with his hunting business, we don’t have kids yet but I know we will soon and this will be something I save and refer back to often.
    It is very hard since while he is gone I work and then come home to take care of all of the animals on our ranch, not to mention my family and friends see his trips hunting as a vacation for him ( which it is not he has clients, and it is very demanding work).

  16. Danielle says

    I love how God is using you to reach so many of us moms that now can say “I am not alone…I’m not the only one who feels this way!” Thanks for taking your time to post these! And isn’t it just like this to read something like this then the devil come up and challenge you right away as you were thinking you’re gonna try to have a positive outlook on this! That kinda sums up my morning…but I still thank you for sharing it

  17. Kim Abbott says

    My husband doesn’t “travel” for his job. He works in a totally different city and commutes home on the weekends. I’m blessed that I don’t have younger children but do have two grown children – a senior in high school and a 20 year old. They have their own lives so sometimes it just me at home. At first, I didn’t know how I was going to make it but I decided to get involved in my church. Like you, we talk to each every night and when he comes home, I try to prepare that one “home-cooked” meal he doesn’t get to enjoy every night. We try to go out on a date when he’s home but sometimes family events come in to play so we do what we can. I don’t know what God has in store after our son graduates this year but I can’t look too far into the future. I try to live my life day by day…being grateful for my husband and they way he is providing for us. Thank you for this! It has really been a blessing to me.

  18. Elizabeth says

    Thanks for posting this. It came at the right time. My husband leaves next week for a month and I have a hard time with being bitter. He gets to go to our home state (we are Army) for training so I very jealous stuck in the snow. I need to make sure to remember he is doing it for us. We use “sleeps” too!!

  19. Kim says

    I have struggled with this for years. My husband has traveled our whole married life of 21 years and after three kids And the constant responsibilities of this, I have become very discouraged. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

  20. Heather says

    My hubby travels pretty frequently for work, and one of the places he has to go to is in the Arctic Circle- literally close to the north pole! Over 24 hours to get there, and it feels so far away. I try and keep him going with upbeat texts, and chats if we are able to talk. I try and get the kids on the phone with him too, it makes him feel good to hear their voices. My kids are a bit older, so they can also text him with their phones as well. And the day he gets home is a big deal. I make sure the house is clean, wash is done, and there is a nice meal waiting for him and give him time to just… unwind. We watch his flight on flight tracker and know pretty much the minute he’s going to pull up. We wait at the door and it’s like a big happy reunion. Even the dog jumps up and gives him a hug lol. He’s usually exhausted so I try not to commit to too much that day either so he can sleep if needed. The last time he got back, he went into our bedroom, put his stuff down, and said, it looks so nice in here. Nicer than any hotel I’ve ever been in. Warmed my heart. The biggest struggle I have had is when he misses The Big Stuff. Like moving our oldest to her college dorm for the first time. Or one of the girls’ concerts. He even almost missed our oldest’s graduation. (his boss felt bad and took the trip for hubby). That’s when I battle bitter. Or when stuff breaks down or it snows or someone is sick. I guess sometimes life is just hard- no way to get around it, just gotta plow through it.

  21. says

    Thank you thank you thank you!

    I was a single mom for five years (and a teen mom at that!) and I will say, that was a very tough season. My husband is a wonderful provider, I need to remember to thank him more often. I so easily fall into the trap of “the grass is greener” mentality, and it’s terribly destructive.

    I’m going to work on this!

  22. Tori says

    My husband doesn’t travel, but he is a farmer, so that means there are times of the year that he is gone from sun up to well after sundown. It is always a difficult time for me, caring for our 4 kids alone. As we are approaching another busy planting/harvest/irrigation season, your words have really hit home! I’m making a commitment to be a better help-mate and appreciate the hard work that provides for our family. No more complaining to him, feeling overwhelmed, bitter, and lonely! Thanks for this today, I am encouraged!!

  23. Emmie O says

    Thank you for this wonderful post! And thank you for including us single girls in your discussion. To all you wives who feel single, I encourage you to count your blessings. You have the comfort of knowing your husband WILL come home, and that you’ll be able to enjoy being a family again.

    It’s different when you’re single. I have the comfort of knowing that God is my husband and that He will provide. But as in all things that involve faith, I don’t actually know when or how. The comfort and solution always comes, and I’ve learned to wait expectantly, but there is still an element of suspense about it.

    God has already promised me that I will marry again. I don’t know when, but I know it will come. In the meantime, I consider this my “Abraham and Sarah” season. There’s no evidence of it at all when I look around me, but God reminds me of that promise almost every day. Like Abraham and Sarah there really isn’t much I can do about it except wait patiently, and live every day as well as I can.

    I live in Texas, so I’ve never had my garage door freeze shut, but I’ve experienced almost everything else you wrote about! It’s no fun, but on the other hand, it IS empowering! After experiencing things like that it’s hard to get upset about the little things. And there are SO MANY little things in life!

    To all the married women out there I would say “be thankful”. I really do understand your trials, but I would like to point out that for most of you there is either an end or a break to your husbands travels. Enjoy them.

    Courtney, thank you so much for your posts. This one really fed my spirit and I believe it is preparing me for the man and husband God has already planned for me. I look forward to that day.

  24. Jill says

    Thanks for this post Courtney! It helps to know so many other Christian wives are in the same situation, whether it is travel or working long hours. My husband travels a lot internationally so talking on the phone is limited by time differences and cost. My biggest frustration is when he comes home. I want to stay up and talk or go out and he is exhausted with jet lag. Also, it is frustrating when our church family encroaches on our “catching up” time because he is an elder and has many responsibilities in our church as well.

  25. Megan says

    My husband has been travelling typically 60-90% of the year for the last 4 years. He started when we had only one child and I was a stay at home mom, and we now have 3 who are all still young, none of them school age. We joke that he’s only home often enough to get me pregnant again and then he’s back on the road. There is no “schedule” for my husbands job – he just goes until the job is done. Sometimes 2 weeks, others 6 weeks at a time often without any opportunity to come home. I’m now working full time but my company allows me to work from home, which is a blessing overall, but I do miss the bustle of the office and other human interaction that goes beyond whining and screaming. In fact, as I write this, I’m listening to a conference call on mute while my youngest (19 months) is screaming at the top of his lungs at his sister (3)!
    I have spent my fair share of time complaining and wishing our situation was different, but, in the end, this works for us (most of the time, anyway.) We recently tried to make a major change in our lives which included my husband changing careers so as to not have to travel, relocating to another state, me returning to work full time, and changing the very essence of our lives. We had such grand plans for this new life and how wonderous it would be…only to find that the grass truly isn’t greener on the other side — this move, this plan, was an epic fail and we were miserable. We packed back up and headed back home. My husband got his travelling job back and we’re back to the grind, however, this time it seems different. Perhaps a fresh perspective was all we needed. We’re loved and cared for, my husband enjoys his job and I mine, and surprisingly enough, our marriage is strongly intact. The lowest point in our marriage was when we tried to change things – we’ve never had fights like we did during the relocation phase! I found myself wondering last night as I “celebrated” how much I accomplished yesterday with an entire box of Tagalongs and a huge glass of milk at what point this became normal and comfortable, and the answer I came up with was once I accepted it as my life. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it!

  26. H says

    My question is about considering jobs knowing that they include travel. We feel like we disregard job opportunities because they require so much travel and that the Lord has asked us to prioritize family. How do we go about making those type of decisions when so much travel time is on the line?

    • says

      H – There’s not a cookie cutter solution. I think each husband and couple has to decide with God at their lead what is best for them. This takes prayer and seeking wise advice. I know of men who have sacrificed promotions and more pay to keep from traveling and what a blessing that is to their families. I also know of great men of God such as Billy Graham – who traveled and left their families for days or weeks to spread the gospel. We also know of military men who are Godly and love their families but they accept the call to defend our country. This means months away from their families.

      Each family’s puzzle is different. For those who seek God in prayer – I believe he will show them his will for their life. And then by faith, we must walk in it.

      • says

        One more thing, open doors does not always mean “God’s will”. I have had many open doors for 2013 for me to travel and speak at exciting conferences. We have prayed and decided that is not best for our family in this season of life. That does not mean that my friends who are choosing this year to travel and speak should not. This is what God has shown us and I am very confident that God has shown my friends that they should go. We each must individually seek God’s will for our lives and then walk in it.

  27. Betty says

    I have been married 28 years. We have 3 children.

    My husband is a long haul driver. In the early years it was very tough.
    That was before Internet and, cell phones. Often, he didn’t have time to stop
    for a pay phone. Too, sometimes he would stop and, the phone was out of order
    or someone would beat him to the phone and, talk so long he would have to leave.

    I did my best to make life grand for him. On the day he was coming home the
    house would be spotless, the kids clean and, dressed nice. I would get dressed nice
    too. I always cooked a great meal with dessert. When he would drive up I would
    look at all the kids and, get very excited and, jump up and, down and say Daddy is HOME!
    Then they would catch the wave of excitement. By the time he walked into the door he
    had the whole family cheering and, shouting and, hugging him! Every single time he came home!
    He would always look like the happiest man in the world. :) He would drop all his stuff right
    then and, hug us all. Then he would take a few steps into the living room and, hit the floor so
    the kids could jump and, roll and, tug all over him. :)

    My children remember this with fondness, as does my husband. Now, it is just me and,
    the dog. I must say, the dog has more enthusiasm than myself. LOL! But, I am always
    thankful the Lord brings him home safely. Now we have cell phones, YES!

    • Meagan says

      I love this! My husband travels across the country, and he usually catches the first flight home after his work day is done…which puts him home around 1am. I’m truly grateful that he gets home to us asap, but i sometimes wish he got home when we were all awake so we could welcome him home in style!! :)

  28. Becca says

    Amazing!! My husband works off shore, so he is gone a two week ‘hitch’ , then home two weeks. We have been doing this since this past May née have 4 children still living at home~14, 12 1/2, 9 1/2 and 7 1/2. the two older are boys, younger are girls. The boys play baseball for our jr high, girls dance and are on competition team. I didn’t work when he started his job. I started subbing for our school district in August. Then when Hurricane Isaac came and there was flooding in our small town, we lost our home we lived in. It was owned by his parents, my hubby grew up there. We found a rental for our family, but this meant a sudden large payment we were not used to, so I went to work full time for the first time in 15 years to help out. We have had a few struggles because, when he i home for two weeks, I want to let go if everything but work and let him do it. He just went back on Thursday and I needed this!! I need to do better when he is home about cooking~his biggest complaint is I never cook when he is home, he is right. I tend to think he needs to just do it, but I realize I still need to participate during his time home!!! Thank you so much for this amazing Word of encouragement!!!

  29. says

    For those who can’t talk everyday — be encouraged that you can still maintain some communication and the advances in communication are awesome! Keep a list of things you want to talk about when you can (being military it might be days it might be months) and say I LOVE YOU first so that when the phone dies (cause it WILL) you don’t regret not having said it! :D

    • says

      Oh and extend grace to YOURSELF as well to know there will be days when you hate your life, life is overwhelming, you feel alone, just want chocolate and wine and feel very angry at hubby that he’s away and not dealing with everything you are! It’s OK — so long as you recognize it, allow yourself to feel those feelings – you are human after all and emotions are from the Lord!- see why you feel that way and if anything needs to change, and then take it to the Lord…..

  30. Sarah says

    My husband works in the oilfield and works 14 days and is home for 14. It can be very difficult with our 3 young kids, homeschooling the oldest, and with another one on the way. But I honestly feel so blessed to bee able to live this lifestyle. I think about what it was like before he had this job, he would lave before the kids were up and would often come home after they were already in bed. He only had one day off and he was either to tired to move, or had to fix something around the house. Having 2 weeks together is amazing, and makes the time apart more then worth it. Although his home time can come with his own set of struggles, especially when we’re cooped up in the winter. But the quality tike we get together really is wonderful. Also being able to really miss each other can make things exciting. I think staying positive about it, and making sure to appreciate the sacrifices my husband makes, working outside in freezing cold weather, or unbearably hot in the summer, missing his whole family while I only have to miss him, and so on make it easier for me to make it through the rough patches. I also do try and allow myself some me time when he is gone.

  31. says

    I confess, many ‘drama’s’ have occurred when my husband was away from the home… Febrile convulsions, two with two different children! A snapped fingernail, a fall, a flooding toilet, and many other incidents. It was difficult when the children were little, it’s good to be reminded of the difficulties – I need to look out more for women left holding the babies.

  32. Mel says

    Today’s prayer: Lord, please let things unravel a little more slowly so I can keep up. Give me creativity to respond and a sense of humor. Amen.

  33. Amy says

    If we are bitter and complaining about our husband working over or being out of town in front of the kids then the kids start to have a bad attitude towards their dad and even be bitter towards him. I tell my kids that daddy loves us so much he is sacrificing and laying down his life for us to pay our bills and buy us food. I tell them he doesn’t want to be away from us so much, but he has to. I tell them he’s a good father and we can be thankful he has a job when many men don’t. I agree with you, choose gratitude rather than a bad attitude!

    You are right to say be thankful for a working man, I can’t believe how many men don’t want to work and support their family these days.

  34. Stephanie P says

    I have a hubby who travels too and sometimes it is very hard! It seems as though the kids always got sick when daddy was away and I was up all night with one of them. A few years ago when he was away, I miscarried and that was the hardest thing! I got very bitter and angry that he wasn’t there but God sure was! I have had to grow and mature and learn to be thankful that my husband has a good job that provides for his family. Yes, he has gotten to see so many wonderful sites and eat at special restaurants but I know he would rather be doing those things with me, not his co-workers! Thank you for this post, it is very timely as my hubby with be leaving for Israel next week. I am trying to be supportive and encouraging to him and remind the kids that daddy works very hard and has his company to think about too. We also try to talk every singe night that we can and it helps so much to hear his voice. Thanks again for reminding me to be thankful instead of angry and bitter!

  35. Brianna says

    Thank you so much for this series. It helped me and my husband does not really travel for work much.

    First, I loved that you said you “feel” sometimes like a single mom, but you’re not. One of my biggest pet peeves is when women say “I’m a single mom this week”. That does such a disservice to true single moms, so thank you for clarifying and speaking truth in that area.

    Second, my hubby is a Youth Pastor and works a few evenings a week. I struggle with bitterness some nights when our baby is having a rough night and I’m all alone. I also struggle because we have a low income and for the first few months allowed seeds of bitterness to take root. We can all use the tips you listed!

  36. says

    Interesting series! As an outsider to the whole Biblical-living thing, I’m especially interested in the particular scripture verses that prompt the male breadwinner, female homemaker way of life. I don’t often hear many of the ones for husbands, like I Timothy 5:8. Thanks for sharing :) Sorry if it’s weird that I read your blog, but I really enjoy learning about where you’re coming from!

  37. says

    The other night at bible study I shared some of my struggles, making sure to leave out the feelings that I felt guilty about. Your sister Jen asked if I had read your blog you recently posted saying I really needed to read it. As I read part 1 I just cried. I have been feeling so guilty about the things I felt and my frustrations. As I read I saw that you had ALL of the same thoughts and heart feelings. Knowing he is working hard but feeling SO alone. I have no parents or siblings to call when my sewer backs, up or when there is a gas leak. I hate asking for help and I hate feeling helpless. I hate that I am so burnt out I am not being the mom I want to be. The kid and house emergency are the things that seem to push me on the days I am at the end.
    I then read part 2 and I need to choose Joy everyday, I need not to compare which is a big struggle for me, and we must communicate better to each other at night. In all these challenges and trials I know God is teaching me and making me stronger. I have started a blog post to document these days because I think it is something I need to remember what God has taught me threw these times. To not forget.
    Thank you, for sharing this area of your life that is so personal but you have been so willing to share is such a blessing.

  38. says

    My husband isn’t coming home, he has Alzheimer’s disease and there are days he isn’t sure who I am. I immediately realized that I still do the same things you do to keep our marriage alive as possible. It is hard on the days he doesn’t know me but a joy when he does. I pray each day for God to take care of him and bless the caregivers in the nursing home but sometimes forget about me. You have reminded me that I have to pray that the Lord fills my soul too.

  39. Marianna says

    My husband has traveled for years and before he traveled, he worked very long hours on his own business. I was alone a lot during my 2 pregnancies. (I even had to tell him by phone that I was expecting our 2nd child.) The Lord gave me the strength I needed though, and He still does. For the past 3 years, my husband has traveled internationally most months for 1-3 weeks. He builds homes in Haiti, and as you can imagine, they have unpredictable power and cell towers. Also, his internet connection is too slow for us to Skype. Some days I have to be content with just a text message. Yesterday I spoke to him for 1 minute. It is hard! I miss my best friend, but I am grateful for him and what he is doing. I know the Lord has called him to Haiti, and that our family can’t live there right now. We wait on the Lord to show us where He would have us go. I pray that one day the Lord gives me the desire of my heart, which is to be together as a family in whatever country He would lead us to. For now, I take it one day at a time, do my best to point our boys to the Lord, and extend myself grace when I can’t do it all like some Moms seem to do. God is good!

  40. Heather says

    Thank you for your post, I’ve enjoyed this and all of the readers’ comments, as I am yet another wife of a traveling husband. My biggest problems to overcome have been the “emergencies” (we had a snake in the house once!), fear of being alone at night, and becoming bitter over all of the house and child-rearing duties. My Savior has helped me through all of it, though at times, I admit I’ve done the “poor me” act. If I had anything to add, I would say (as both you and your readers have already mentioned) is to build him up and pray for him. Clean the house, burn a candle, make the beds, cook a nice meal, and tidy up. My husband knows I’m a total slob, but I make that effort for his return, it makes an immediate impact on his mood!! Be available for lovin’ no matter how bitter you are over that steak dinner and don’t complain about his lack of help around the house to your friends. I’ve discovered personally that if you paint a negative picture of your spouse to your friends and children, they will lose respect for him and bad-mouth him as well. I’ve also discovered that complaining & nagging to him while he’s gone about all the issues I’m having only makes him feel bad about himself and his job. Part of loving him is encouraging him, not making him feel guilty about his provision for us. Submit every negative thought to Christ as He is the great Comforter. It’s not easy, but I also find great comfort in Prov 31!

  41. Amanda says

    I am a newly wed pilot’s wife! My husband’s career in the past year has really “taken off” lol and he seems to be gone more now than ever! We used to goal for 8 days a month, but now it seems he is gone for about 10-15 days and this is the “slow” time of year.
    I work a full time job and we do not have children yet. As I was walking our dogs the other day, I was thinking about how difficult my life will become when we decide to have children. Do you have any advice on how to prepare for children when both of you work and one travels?
    Your part 1 blog brought tears to my eyes =) P.S. He gets fancy meals paid for every night, sometimes I get very jealous whoops!

    • Lauren says

      Amanda, while I’m not the author of this blog, I can share with you my own advice on preparing for children. I am also a pilot’s wife and we have 3 little ones. My advice to anyone newly married is to learn how to cook, clean, and manage your home before kids! I worked right up until I was pregnant with our second child and felt like I had no idea what I was doing and seemingly no time to learn it in! I so wish I had taken the time to learn to be a good wife before being plunged also into the hugely time and energy consuming job of being a mom as well. I also very much benefitted personally from reading Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. God bless you!

  42. Anna says

    This has definitely hit home with me. My husband is an engineer with the railroad. He is gone a lot! I have never been one to want to stay home and “tend” to the kids. I always imagined myself as the one working for the paycheck. So things have changed, and I still find it hard to deal with at times. My hardest obstacles I deal with is when my twins have school functions and I am running back and forth trying to attend both alone, or how I attend church alone with my kids, while everyone else has their husbands there to be with them , you know the “perfect” church family. My other deal is when there are family events and I attend them alone. It is definitely hard with 3 kids. Here is my self pity party…

    I love my husband, but I do find myself as you mentioned exhausted and when he gets home he is tired too. We fight quite a bit, mainly due to exhaustion. Any time that he has a vacation when we are both caught up on our sleep , I begin seeing why we fell in love in the first place. It is hard, but I do pray that God makes my marriage what He wants it to be, and for Him to take the blinders from my eyes, to show me that it will be ok. That not everyone has the “perfect” life that you would assume they do. My husband’s schedule usually is home for 12 hrs. gone for two days. Another thing I think that makes it hard, is the children and I develop a schedule when he is gone, and when he gets home (it never fails) , he messes it up and then gets aggravated that the kids and I aren’t on his schedule.

    **I am just glad to read that I am not the only one experiencing this. It gives me hope and definitely a different view of his situation too.**

    • Peaches says

      You have expressed my life I Anna. I have been dealing with melanoma for several years while raising the kids. The work at home and desperate loneliness sometimes makes me feel so much self pit. Sitting alone at every dr appt, pet scan, I’ve treatment, however, is nothing like the tears that come so quickly seeing the fathers as head of their families on the pew at church. That and all the things he misses as the boys grow up with no male role model. Then when he comes home and treats me with disdain it gives them the wrong lessons about how to treat their own families later. U have been clinically depressed now for 5 years and am truly struggling that I should fix this situation. I will get this book to see how she found joy because I feel so hopeless.

  43. says

    I love all your “tips!” I only wish I had found them sooner. My husband travels a lot for work and I feel like if I had done all the things you do, I would not be in the position I am now. My husband met someone else on a business trip and we have now been seperated for 2 months. This has been so hard on me and our three young children (who have no idea what is going on). If he would just realize he’s not “in love” with this other person and give our family a second chance, I would love to put all your tips to use.

  44. Lisa says

    I am new to your blog, I found you on Pinterest, but I gotta say I love this post. My husband has traveled for work for most of our 17 year marriage, sometimes gone for months at a time with very limited time at home. I have gone the range from being angry and bitter and glad he was gone to finding a peace and contentment. The biggest change for me was letting go of the idea of the perfect family, and accepting this was normal for me. This took lots of prayer and tears, and some more prayer. I wish I had seen this list years ago, I agree wholeheartedly! Reaalizing that I wasn’t alone on this journey also has made a huge difference! I will be reading some more…. Many blessings!

  45. Teresa says

    Just for the record, having your husband away on a business trip is nowhere near the same as having your husband deployed. Deployment often means dangerous situations and weeks before you get to talk to each other.

    • Tonya says

      That’s a very unfair statement. My husband and I both were in the military so I understand very well what military life is like. You should not disrespect or dismiss what other women go through because their husbands are not serving in the military. Every family makes choices (your was to serve the military), you cannot punish someone because you “think” your husband’s job is more dangerous or more important. The point here is for woman to share their experiences about being away from their husbands. When you judge you make this a piss…contest and you take away the beauty and openness of this post. Keep the proper perspective that way we don’t have to compare apples to oranges.

  46. says

    Great post!
    I think it is important to remember though that not all our husbands go to a place where they can talk daily. My husband works for the Department of Defense so while he is away we do not get to talk daily. You emphasized talking daily but there are other ways to maintain a strong connection without talking daily. I work on projects that will bless my husband while he is away for example. I also work on myself and other areas of my life that I can focus on more if he is not here. I love having him here and would rather he be here but that doesn’t mean I can’t find the good in my situation. Of course prayer and prayer over safety is also important.

  47. Maryann says

    Thank you!!!! My husband started working out of town about a month ago now and it was a necessity although not something we like. We went from having just odd jobs for 3 years to him being gone 5 days a week and working in his home office all day Saturday. He is home, but not here. I have been feeling so neglected and that he doesn’t love me, I know it isn’t true, but that is how I have been feeling. He is soooo concerned about the kids and how they are coping with everything and he just hasn’t even seen how hard it has been on me.
    Today, after church, we had it out. I tried to be civil and explain what was bothering me, but of course that is not how it came out. It was ALOT of built up aggravation that I should have dealt with a while ago. After we had our argument (which didn’t help at all and only made things worse) I just was asking God what I could do to get my point across without being disrespectful (like I was earlier in the day). I just happened to stumble upon your blog while looking for some verses that might help me understand my position! God is good!!! All the Time!!!!!!!
    Maryann

  48. Daphne says

    Thank you for your advices, my Husband is a Taxi driver and he work in another city.
    Sometimes does not feel so good, but with God we will.

    I follow you from Dominican Republic.

  49. Cori D says

    Communication and contentment definitely make life better with a hubby who is gone lots! My husband joined the Navy shortly after we got married so he has been away for short and long periods over the years.
    A couple other things that keep us close are: I keep him involved in decision-making, even when he’s not home; I share humorous stories and pictures of what the kids are doing; we spend lots of tune together when he’s home.

  50. Cori D says

    Communication and contentment definitely make life better with a hubby who is gone lots! My husband joined the Navy shortly after we got married so he has been away for short and long periods over the years.
    A couple other things that keep us close are: I keep him involved in decision-making, even when he’s not home; I share humorous stories and pictures of what the kids are doing; we spend lots of time together when he’s home.

  51. Jane says

    My husband has been traveling a lot lately, gone 3 weeks at a time on catastrophic relief efforts, so going into areas where people are in distress, areas that may not be safe. I worry about him a lot. He just got home a week ago, and may have to leave again May 1. I don’t have kids at home, but still it’s tough. The long nights, where noises seem to appear every night between midnight and 2; going to church alone and seeing other couples together and missing him more; dealing with aging parents, especially his mom who is not doing well and has many needs and needs quite a bit of help; on and on. We try to Facetime every night, but the last time he was gone, he didn’t have wifi until the last couple days. Facetime helps, because at least we can see one another. We do talk every night, even if it’s only for a few minutes because of work schedules, and such.

    It’s hard to keep the feelings of being totally overwhelmed in check when he’s gone, and then keep those feelings from surfacing when he gets home. I have not done very well at that this last time since he is only home for probably two weeks, and is still working 10-12 hour days. I am extremely grateful for his job, and thankful God provides for us. I just hate being home without my hubby! I am working on the lonely feelings but it’s sure tough.

  52. Cynthia says

    Thank you so much for this article. I am a stay at home mom to three young children (4 year-old twins and an 11 month-old baby), and my husband’s job requires that he travel often. As I read “Part 1″ I just kept nodding as I was reading, surprised to learn that I wasn’t the only one who felt like a circus clown, trying to juggle three little ones by myself while at church, so on and so forth. May God bless you for blessing and encouraging others like myself. Thank you once again. I cannot thank you enough.

  53. KL says

    I’m not a religious person but I do have a husband who travels quite a lot, and I am a stay-at-home mom with a 4 yr. old and 6 month twins. While I can’t entirely understand the Bible references, I do understand and really appreciate the sentiment and the wonderful way you’ve put it to words. And what I really appreciate is how you’ve pointed out it is a choice how we look at the situation and handle it. I could just about cry thinking how often I feel like “poor me”, angry and bitter. Trying NOT to talk on the phone, thinking “I’ll show him”, because I’m so angry being left here with three kids while he’s having dinner in Europe. But you’re writings have been a real wake up call. Thank you so much for that. I’m not “showing” anybody — I’m hurting my own marriage by choosing to have a negative attitude. Like you and so many others have said, I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful, caring and providing husband. It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start caring for my marriage. Thank you.

  54. says

    I know this is an old post – but I found it on Pinterest today and I cannot say thank you enough for these two posts on your husband traveling! It’s so nice to know that I am not alone.

    My daughter is 4, and for her entire life he has been home an average of 60 days per year. (Yes – SIXTY days per year.) But because of his sacrifices (and I am always having to remind myself that he is making a bigger sacrifice than I am!) we are able to give our daughter the life that she deserves. I can stay home, we can homeschool, we can afford to have her play sports, and most importantly? We have a nice house, that I have the privilege of taking care of.

  55. Liz says

    I just found this post on a Google search – Thank you!!! My husband has been out of work and has a great opportunity from an old boss of his, but that will mean 7 months of only seeing each other one or two weekends per month. After reading this post and the comments I feel equipped and prepared for the challenge and the opportunity. I have been praying about this and know that if this job is God’s will for us, then He will help us make it! This post was such a blessing!! Thank you!!!

  56. Jodie says

    I stumbled upon your website last night and I am so glad that I did. I have been having a really hard time for the past year and a half. My husband took a new job with his company back then. He works for an insurance company and is on what they call the “Catastrophe Team”. That means that his team travels to places within the United States where a natural disaster has struck. He is typically gone for 3 weeks at a time, then home for 5 days. I have been through many emotions with this new life. Most of the time I hate it and never held back from telling him so. I have had more “poor me” moments that I care to admit to. This has taken a huge toll on our marriage. He loves what he does and has no intention of quitting anytime soon. I am pretty lonely most of the time and take out my anger with his job on him probably too much. I get upset than when he gets home for his 5 days he is so burned out from the prior 3 weeks, that we don’t get much quality time.
    After reading all these comments last night, I have realized that I am not alone. I found comfort in that. I have learned that I need to support my husband as much as I can. This is going to be very tough for me because I have nothing but hate for his job, but I am willing to try.
    I am asking for your prayers ladies! This is going to be so hard for me, but I am afraid if I do not adjust my attitude I could lose my husband. Thank you all for listening :)

  57. Alyson says

    Wow. Divine timing! Your post spoke so directly to me (and I’m SO glad many others) that my heart skipped a beat! My husband and I have almost been married a year, and he travels a lot for his job. A lot of wilderness trips that can involve days or weeks with no communication. I used to be so proud of what he does, and now still being newly married, I’ve struggled with jealousy, loneliness, and bitterness… things I never would have expected in our first year of wedded bliss! THANK you for sharing all this. So many of these things I know in the back of my head and heart are right and true, but I still get sucked into the vortex of the common ‘woe is me’. And we don’t even have children! I’m going to show this to him when he comes home and ask him to help me stay true to them AND him. Praise the LORD!

  58. Brittany says

    My husband has been gone for five days (yes, I know that’s nothing), but in December he leaves for six months for his job. We live 8+ hours from family and just recently moved to a new state. I have no friends or family where we live now. I talked to him tonight and told him truthfully I didn’t know how I was going to handle it considering I miss him so much all ready. He said he had to make the move for the company and it wouldn’t be too long – not to worry. Still, emotionally it is so difficult for me to be here alone. I’m so glad I found this post tonight to help me realize I’m not alone. Come December I’m going to be looking for you support ladies!! Thanks!

  59. says

    This series has been such a blessing to me during this time in my life. New town, stay at home mom (now), He works what seems ALL OF THE TIME so yes I have been very extremely lonely at times, not to mention exhausted. But I have learned during this past year, how to cling harder to God, and have taken this chapter in my life and considered it such a Blessing that I can spend ALL DAY Each Day with my precious child and my Wonderful, ever so Gracious Father.
    Thank you for sharing your heart, such a blessing!

  60. rachel says

    ok so my question is… what if your husband wants to go out with friends or brothers when he IS home? are you supposed to just be fine with it? this is the exact fight we had tonight. he’s been gone for a month and he wants to go to dinner with just his brothers. and he can’t understand why it upset me. I don’t want to share what little time we get. am I being selfish? oh and dinner is never just dinner. he’ll be gone for 5 hours and then when I get upset he’ll dismiss it and say I’m overreacting. :(

  61. Maici says

    My question is: What if your husband is definitely having fun after work when he is away. We’re married for 12 years now and I’ve raised my kids alone since day 1. He usually comes home on Fridays, but because of the work load he comes home fortnightly. I’m a working mom with my own trials and tribulations at work and speaking to someone on the phone that you’re not really sure if he’s sober or not is a real challenge on its own especially when he assures you that he’s not drunk. I must admit that this is not always the case but when it does happen I tend to lose hope in my marriage because I don’t spend my time from work having a ball like him, my free time from work is spent with my kids. I pray every night that he is safe wherever he is and that he returns home safely, but even that prayer is exhausting because I sometimes feel that he doesn’t deserve my prayers because it hurts when he is out partying.

  62. Kimmo says

    This is scary for me to admit but he truth is I do have a husband who has been unfaithful during a business trip. When I got married I thought that love would conquer all. We have been apart for stretches of time since we met. I knew I would always be faithful and I couldn’t imagine this sweet, dear man I was about to marry would ever let me down in the worst way imaginable. Things were always great when we were together but then I found out that he was unfaithful. A little more digging and I found out he was never faithful when he was away. Not even before we were married. Of course with every trip away there were tears, I love you’s, miss you’s, daily Skype/calls/texts. He was the perfect man. Sweet, romantic & attentive. He just could be left a lone very long. I was fooled. Now I’m stuck with him, dependent with 2 toddlers & no outside support. Knowing what I know now, I would never knowingly choose a relationship with a man that has to be away on “business”.

  63. Janae says

    What a blessing to come across this post.
    My husband lost his job right after we got married and had to start traveling for work so we could make ends meet. Our first holiday season after we were married he was away for a full 3 months. It almost broke us. We have a blended family and the challenges that come with it. One thing I used to struggle with was the schedules and systems that would fall into place when my husband was gone and how when he arrived home for the occasional weekend everything was uprooted. Rules and schedules went out the door since it was fun daddy time. Everything you talked about in part one of your post rang true for me. Also trying to be a mom to my child from a previous marriage and his children from his previous marriage has been the most difficult part of it all. I used to be the positive one happy that he at least had a job and was working hard to provide, but years of not communicating my needs or taking care of myself has almost ruined our family. I used to be the work from home mom who had my husbands kids whether he was home or not. I used to be the one who juggled sports, school and other activities alone. When I started to ask for help everything came crashing down. When the exes blamed me, I fell into the woe is me pity party. After all I had done to keep everything running smoothly with no appreciation at all. I was mad at God! I was mad at everyone for putting so much on my plate and blaming me when things went wrong when they wouldn’t lift a finger to help me when I asked. After 5 years of marriage we are currently separated but looking for hope. Your blog has given me a little light in my world that has come crashing down. I just keep praying for a miracle and in the meantime I am working to restore relationships like God would want me to…with love. It is SO hard but I have hope God will see us all through this. Thanks!

  64. Shantell says

    Its 12am and Im googling trying to find a way to handle my situation. my situation is similar yet different from yours.my husband is a traveling. I never know how long he’s going to be away. It could be 30 days or 6 months. I just never know how long the job assignment is going to last. Its been four years of this and we have been married 12 years. Recently, it got an assignment that could be three years long. I nearly lost it. I work full time, go to school online,and care for our three children ages 10, 13, 22. My oldest is in grad school, so she has limited time to help me out. There will times when he can come home for a week to a month, but thats not enough. Iworry about my 13 year old son who is growing up without him. My husband wants to make sure we are well provided for and I appreciate him for that, but I need him home. We live where I have no family, no friends. His family is near, but will only help at random times. I handle everything. I worry what this will do to our relationship. I am so lonely, overwhelmed, and hurting. My husband cant see pass the money. He interviewed for a local job, but it was obvious to me didnt want it. It paid well enough to take care of our bills, but my husband says he wants more than to just pay bills. I love him and I know he loves me and our children, but…….I feel like he living his life and Im just existing. I hate my job and im trapped in it. Im falling apart and I dont know what to do. Sometimes I have to away overnight or a week for training or just work late and I struggle with who will get my son from practice or who will be there when my youngest get home from school. I have no one, physically available to help me. I have tried to find another job, but it would mean a huge pay cut. I dont mind it, but my husband worries about being forced to work out of state rather than choosing to because we are financially struggling. I cant sleep, I have gained so much weight, and I have no time for myself. What do I do with this life. Im not sure what to pray for.

    • Lora says

      Hey Shantell,

      My situation similar to yours. My husband is away for his job a lot and can be away for up to 6 months or even longer. He wanted to take a job that was located in the middle east….and he would be come for 5 years, and only be able to visit very 6 months. I lost my mind. We are newly married and don’t have kids, but I worry about our relationship with him being gone all the time. Which means I’m alone A LOT!!! We live across the country from my family, my friends, and everything I know. I’ve asked him to find a job closer, but all he sees is the money. I’m currently in nursing school (which my parents are helping pay for) and he says that even when I’m done with school he wants to continue with this job….which worries me when we have children….I HATE being alone. I love my husband very much but he can be frustrating. Before he left on his most resent job (6 weeks), I asked him to try harder at communicating with me better. He doesn’t communicate with me every well. And he gets mad at me when I want to talk longer then 5 minutes a day….I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be supportive but its hard when he gone all the time. How can I get him to communicate with me better? What do I pray for? Don’t want to be needy but it’s hard not to be…..

  65. Susan says

    I wonder if some of our husbands work together? Lol I’m 7 months pregnant (first baby) and my husband JUST started working 3 weeks away from home, one week home. It’s just now setting how hard it’s going to be. I completely agree with your approach and I thank you for the encouragement. Although marriage is a series of compromise and accommodations, I believe that it’s the wife’s responsibility to pull most of the weigh regarding love, encouragement, sexual chemistry, nurturing and making the house a home. It’s a very hard job, which is why it’s ours. :D I’ve only recently come to realize that even though my husband is the greatest emotional support in my life and is a perfect man for me, that I simply can’t expect him to fulfill all my needs while he’s away. He’s stressed too. So the best I can do is take control here, at home, just like he does there, at work and try to be a little stronger. <3

  66. Mary says

    Been married 32 years. All my friends are retiring. Their husbands provided so now house is paid, there are hopes of vacations and time spent together. My husband did none of those things. Lost house to foreclosure last year and his job. Took up trucking as last resort. Now in debt again for the school. I feel angry. And jealous. 4-5 weeks out and 2-3 days home (without pay!) I feel like I’m married to a stranger. I don’t see light at the end of my tunnel.

  67. L says

    I have been married 18 years & we have 2 children. I stay at home , he’s travels for work a lot. For the last 7 months he’s been out of the country, 3wks working & 1wk home. This has been hard on the children and I. It has gotten worse though, I found out 10 wks ago he was cheating on me with a coworker. I confronted him andhe denied it at first. He said he wants to work things out with me and loves me. I decided to try to work it out. It has been extremely hard. He sees her at work for 3 wks and I see him one. Not to mention this was going on during our 18th Anniversary trip. I thought things were going well in our marriage because he never said otherwise. It has just been so shocking and I feel so broken. All of our family is in another state and we haven’t lived here very long so I feel alone. I would appreciate any prayers.

  68. LouAnn says

    I am new to the traveling husband life! And this blog was such a blessing to me. My husband of 5 months is a trucker and I am pregnant with our first child due in june it’s been rough going to every dr appointment alone not knowing if he will be home for the birth of our first baby bc he just started at this company and isn’t allowed any vacation days yet. BUT he got home last night and I realized I’m more in love with him today then I was the day we got married when he was going to a 9-5 coming home every night angry about his job bc he hated it…he LOVES his job now he misses me but hes happy with what he is doing that he is bringing how a nice paycheck and that he can provide for me and our little family. Thank you so much for this wonderful article it really brought things into perspective of how HE feels bc I know its harder for him then it is for me. <3

  69. Jill says

    My fiancee’s job got cut where we live and he has to leave the state for work. We have a 19 month old son and I work full-time outside the home. I have no idea when his job will be added back here . We have 3 months to our wedding and I am completely overwhelmed. This is the second time this has happened with his job. I cry everyday until he has to leave. I know it is what we have to do for the family but it hurts my heart him being away. It is really hard for me to travel right now having a toddler and with work. I have no idea when I will see him again . He does not have a traditional schedule he is strictly on call so he has no days off ever. He has no set schedule so even if I travel to see him there is no guarantee I will. I am grateful that he has a job and that he is a good man that will do whatever it takes to provide for his family. But sometimes I feel a little selfish and want him with me. I miss our alone time together just watching TV or playing a board game. I am thankful for your blog because it is the way I feel sometimes but won’t admit it to myself or anyone else. I try to fake it and put on a smile but I am sad. It is really hard to talk to a lot of my friends now because we are all so busy with work , kids, taking care of a home. I am in my mid-thirties and it just seems like we are all so consumed with everything around us. I feel alone.

  70. Sarah J says

    My husband spends a month in the states and then a month at home here in New Zealand. I cry every time he leaves and I cry when he gets back. We have 3 children 2x 10 year olds boy and girl and a 7 year old girl. The kids are great and get me through. I have my days where I miss him with all my heart and I struggle. We text from the moment we wake until bedtime of whoever is sleeping first. We facetime at least once a day. He works so hard for us and I know that. When he is home my world feels complete and when he is away a huge part of me is missing. The childrens afterschool activities keep me busy during term time so it doesnt give me much of an opportunity to sit and dwell on things. My biggest concern is how needy I feel when he first gets home. I cling to him. I really wish I wasnt so needy

  71. Zoshia says

    Well I really feel for you people! Maybe if you weren’t all so inadequate and dependant on others this would not be an issue for you!
    I am a single parent and proud to say I do not need a man to rescue me as thankfully I have the strength and reserve to stand on my own two feet. Practically and financially! Men aren’t born superior , however I get the impression you all need one around to help open the garage door. Is that all they are good for? I actually feel this is an insult to strong modern independent women!
    Sorry if some of you find this offensive, but it had to be said.
    Be grateful you are married to a man who provides for you as an equal and deal with the rest.

    • Leslie says

      Good for you. But I would never claim to know your struggles so where do you get off claiming to know mine. Apparently you’re inadequate when it comes to knowing how to coexist with a man. WE DO live in a world with men. I was a single mom for 5 years, with two children ages 2 and 7. It was EASY to me because I didn’t have anyone to answer to or set boundaries with. If you feel insulted, then you should because your view is insulting to others. How dare you boast. Apparently you’re inadequate with other women too. How do you do with people in general? Because with your attitude, you don’t deserve the love that exists between a man and a woman. Keep your mouth shut if you can’t support and encourage your fellow sisters or other women because YOU sister, are a disgrace to single women everywhere. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

  72. Leslie says

    Thank you for this. Today my struggle has been rough. My husband is in New Orleans for work eating at Emeril Lagassie’s NOLA. Posting pics on facebook talking about how beautiful his trip is and we’re eating bologna sandwiches. He forgot to leave me money when we left the airport. (I forgot to get it) I struggle so hard because my husband’s “thing” is lying to me and I don’t find out until after the fact. He usually tells me but it’s always after the fact. But I know that he can’t rescue me. And I know that I’m sad and angry because I want to be with him, but I can’t. Sometimes I don’t know if I can handle this on my own. Like today I forgot the simplest things because I had to make a trip to the DMV and hang out there for a few hours then I went to the doctor. Now the pharmacy is closed and I forgot to get my medicine:/ I forgot to deposit the money my dad loaned me so I felt inadequate when I called him to tell him I’d do it first thing in the morning. WHY do I feel so bitter and resentful towards my husband? I know the devil is an opportunist. So, I pray…a lot. But my husband doesn’t and sometimes he does irresponsible things. The worry that’s come upon me is the worry that my husband will keep allowing himself to be pulled further and further away from us. He can’t see it, but I can. God, please help me.

  73. says

    Thank you so much!! I was searching for other families in this same situation and I finally googled the right thing and found this post! I have started a blog for families who have to be apart from a parent/spouse for reasons such as work and distance. It has helped my family immensely. It is an adorable idea that my husband thought up as he was saying goodbye to our children for the first time for working away from home for the week. It is called Pinkie Day. Please check out our blog, pinkieday.blogspot.com We are looking to connect with other families who have to be apart. My children will be your children’s “pen pals”! Your children can watch the videos of my children and know they are not alone in missing a parent. Also, the parent can read my posts and know that you are not alone in your parenting situation! It has helped our family so much and we hope other families can benefit from the Pinkie Day concept, as well.

  74. shanna says

    It is so comforting to know im not the only woman feeling this way. My husband works in Afghanistan about 300 days a year for the past 3 years. In that time I found out I was pregnant alone, that it was twins alone, the sex of the babies alone, the birth of them alone and have been raising them by myself. I am at wits end. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and struggle to get through every day. He is getting ready to leave gor another 105 days and all I want to do is cry. I dont know how to support him anymore. I feel like life is just slipping by because raising twin 2 year olds is so insanely exhausting its impossible to enjoy. I want to beva family and do family things. I want to be able to enjoy my children and take care of myself and just enjoy life again but I dont know how. Please someine tell me there is light at the end if this long dark tunnel of lonlieness??? I would pray for guidance but I can honestly say I dont know how we werent raised that way.

    • Norine says

      There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Just more of the same. My husband was a contractor in Afghanistan in 2008. What was supposed to be one year turned into 4 and a half years. When he returned to the States, he got a job on an air force base 9 and a half hours away from home. He is home only on weekends that correspond with a federal holiday. This is the way it is and it will not change no matter how much you scream, cry or pray about it. Get used to it.

  75. Ivory Reed says

    When my husband is away, every third Monday, I host a ladies night at my house. On the weekends, the kids and I
    have a big slumber party. Sometimes, if my husband is home on the weekends, he will join us. (One day) :-)

  76. Jamie says

    My husband has an apartment & lives 9&1/2 hours from me & our 2 daughters who are still at home. They’re 15&12. He does construction. We only see each other 3 days every 6 to 8 weeks. It’s not enough. We’ve been married almost 19 years. I spent my birthday & anniversary without him last year & will again this year. I don’t feel like we are connected or close at all. I try to turn my emotions off & just get through it. He is working 6 & sometimes 7 days a week. He is also taking 2 online college courses. I feel like when we talk on the phone we need to make it quick so he has time for his studies. We don’t Skype or do face time because we don’t have the ability. I’ve been with this man since I was 16 years old. I’m feeling like I don’t know who “we” are anymore. This current situation has been almost 10 months & the job is due to last 5 more months. I’m committed to staying married but I’m so lonely & feel so disconnected that I don’t even want to talk to him on the phone anymore because it hurts too much. When he does come home for a 3 day visit I have to figure out how to turn my feelings on & just about the time I’m getting there he’s leaving again. It rips me apart for days. I’m not even sure I want for him to visit at all until the job is over. I have to “nag/remind” him how important it is for him to call our daughters regularly. He says he gets busy with school work & time slips away. I just feel like our lives are so far apart. I don’t feel married anymore.

    • Clark says

      Reading this hurts my heart, and I feel it is because certain aspects reach out to me. My husband and I don’t have children, but I can feel your pain regarding not wanting to ‘nag’ him to contact you. I talked to my husband on the phone today for the first time in a week and he was short and distant with me.. Which just felt like salt on an open wound. I got angry and hung up, which I know isn’t helping the issue but I feel so resentful that he never wants to talk to me. When he has a free moment he goes out to the bar with his coworkers rather than talking to me. I also feel like we are distant and I don’t feel married anymore either.. And that makes me feel guilty. It is my impression that he thinks I’m at home enjoying myself while he is stuck working and miserable. I feel like he is punishing me. I don’t know what to do. I love him but a small part of me is beginning to hate him for his neglect even though it’s not his choice. I don’t feel better when he IS home either.. It’s like we don’t know how to be around each other anymore. It scares me and I don’t believe in divorce. I feel so lost.

    • hannah says

      I see everyone has special circumstances but I would relate here. My husband has traveled for years once every 3 months for a week. Doesn’t sound like much but the trouble is that the week leading up to traveling is stressful as he is preoccupied and I feel alone. Then he travels a week which is rough on both of us. When he returns he is remote, and somewhat depressed for about another two weeks. That means 4 – 5 weeks every three months we essentially have no marriage. This has been REALLY hard for us. We’ve tried counseling, prayer, Skype, everything but it is always this way. A trip is coming up and I’m bummed. I really feel I just have to live with this and figure out what I can do for me but that makes us even more distant from each other. I try to do things for him when he comes back but after a week of trying to help him feel better I lose my patience. At that point it’s been 4 weeks since I could have ANY needs.

  77. Bri says

    My husband and I have been married 3 years and he’s just started traveling for his work. My problem is he goes out and gets drunk with the people he’s there with-
    Men/women. He lies to me about it and I found out through a photo. Tonight he called me at 12:30am 1:30am his time, drunk, and then doesnt understand why I’m upset. This is the man who leads our youth at church and helps me lead a life group weekly in our home. I don’t know what to do, I tried to explain how it hurts me after his last trip because it places doubt into our marriage it he thinks as long as he isn’t having an affair that he’s doing nothing wrong. I’m so upset and tired of trying to explain that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been praying and sharing scripture but so far it hasn’t changed his actions. It’s awfully living with this doubt and worry.

    • Peaches says

      The stress! I just want companionship, someone to touch, sit next to, to have a real relationship. Thats not possible in fits and starts.

  78. Lisa Miller says

    I’m Lisa and I’m 25. Before my fiancée left for work, we had been engaged for 10 days. His schedule is to be away for 3 weeks, home for two, and then away for three again. I know this isn’t a long time compared to what other go through, especially women like military wives. This is the first time we’ve ever been apart that long in the entire duration of our relationship of 5+ years, and I have to say I didn’t think it would be this hard. I’ve read the advice here and I’m trying to keep everything that I read in mind. But sometimes it’s just good to let it out. Anyone have any advice for a rookie?

  79. hannah says

    I see everyone has a somewhat unique situation but some things we all have in common. My husband has traveled for years once every 3 months for a week. Doesn’t sound like much but the trouble is that the week leading up to traveling is stressful as he is preoccupied and I feel alone. Then he travels a week which is rough on both of us. When he returns he is remote, and somewhat depressed for about another two weeks. That means 4 – 5 weeks every three months we essentially have no marriage. This has been REALLY hard for us. We’ve tried counseling, prayer, Skype, everything but it is always this way. A trip is coming up and I’m bummed. I really feel I just have to live with this and figure out what I can do for me but that makes us even more distant from each other. I try to do things for him when he comes back but after a week of trying to help him feel better I lose my patience. At that point it’s been 4 weeks since I could have ANY needs. Any ideas?

  80. Chiquituno says

    Women that have partners that travel are single when they are gone, but pretending they are married. I was married to a man that travelled on occasion, but was mainly gone emotionally, then got involved with someone else that was willing to be his mom. I then was a single mom. I am now living with my fiancé who travels 3-5 days a week and is exhausted when he gets home, and all the other things we experience, while on top of it trying to co-parent with a sociopath/alcoholic ex. I knew about his job, ex and demands before we moved in. I get lonely, resentful, miss him dearly, frustrated, etc. but he’s also single when he’s gone. We were both single for a while before we met, and we each took care of our responsibilities alone, with no expectations that anyone else would. The problem comes when two people come together with new expectations of being “married” or “partners”. Being married means being together physically and emotionally and when one person is gone, they are in the single role again and each has to take care of their responsibilities alone. The frustration for women is that they not only give up the perks of being single, they also try to take on their partner’s responsibilities too. When there is physical separation, the relationship is more like a dating relationship than a marriage. It is very difficult to make it otherwise. There are inbuilt limitations that no amount of the woman being understanding or bending, or sacrificing or praying will change. This is evident in the discontent in the above posts. Both partners need to realize and accept this and not have unrealistic expectations, and women free to be single when their partner makes them. Sure he’s out making money to support you and the kids, but he’d have to hire a babysitter and housecleaner anyway if he was single or divorced to maintain his job and travel schedule. That was his choice in choosing his career and leaving you alone. We choose to be with them and can choose to live our lives as we would when we were single, when his travel makes us that.

  81. Anela says

    I have been reading a few of these comments because I am trying to help a friend out with her situation. A common theme I see is that it seems like you have no choice in whats going on. playing the victim in a way. You chose that life, whether you like it in the present or not, whether it is how you thought it would be or not. so you need to ask yourself, what is really important to you, what do you love and need? Truely tho, not a fast answered question, most of you haven’t looked inside yourself, that is where your answers are. You need to do what makes you happy and if you have no idea, find out! financial security is not a reason to stay with someone, and I love that the Courtney points out that it takes two. its a team, if you or your husband is not willing to work as a team, they should not play. I know im simplifying it all, but this is what is boils down to. What are u willing to do and what is he willing to do, who is actually gonna follow thru, and maintain the partnership that was created.

  82. Cami says

    First thank you all for sharing your stories, experiences, advice, etc. My husband also travels for work. His travelling began four years ago and has progressively been increasing over the years. I, like many of you, become mommy and daddy to our children when he is gone. He has missed many special events and seems to be progressively getting larger each year. It saddens me bc these are moments that we can’t get back. We only have one shot at this life and it pains me that he has missed these. I know it pains him too, but when I ask him what he wants more…he never really answers the question. I fear the day my children will endure that disappointment when he tells them daddy has to miss a big event of theirs bc of travel. But what can I do? My husband does video chat with us each night he is gone, which helps to ease the separation. However, this past year I have noticed that if he calls later than normal he has had a few too many sociables. In fact tonight he called closer to mid-night with red eyes and slurred speech. Sadly in his line of work alcohol is not uncommon after hours. Though I can appreciate that he can have this time to relax and have a “few”, it also makes me feel disrespected because I am home being “both parents” 24-7 while he is eating in fancy restaurants, sleeping in a bed to himself not having to get up in the middle of the night(we have a new born) and is apparently also sucking back booze into the late hours when he has to get up at 6am the next morning. Sorry, a bit of a rant there. I just want to cry. My family and his family both always talk about “poor him” for having to travel so much. At first, I agreed with them. But lately, it just seems to add fuel to the fire. I am on his team, really! I couldn’t be more proud of what he gas accomplished and what he is yet to do, he amazes me. I just really need him on my team too and realize that I am needing some support. Anyway, please tell me I’m selfish and need to get over myself, I think that might be easier to deal with! Good night all!

    • Peaches says

      You are not being selfish! I really dont get why us wives have to be told the “poor him” thing constantly. There are choices in life, and my husband CHOOSES to be in a different location than his family. There’s nothing noble about it. He is not in the military, and it isn’t going to stop. So sad.

  83. Anita says

    My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. We have struggled all that time trying to make ends meet in an area of the country where jobs are scarce. He has recently been traveling with a new job, away for a week or more at a time, home for a day and back out. I miss him, but knowing where the money will come from to put meals on the table for another week, and not having to sweat having the electricity turned off because we don’t have the money to pay the bill is such a relief. I consider this wonderful job my husband has as a blessing, and we make the most of every minute he’s at home, appreciating our time together more than we ever have. Our youngest is 16, and he fully understands the importance of his dad’s job. We have not gotten any farther apart, as a couple OR as a family, and it has brought both of us closer to God in prayer and depending on Him. Many blessings.

  84. Mia says

    I had no idea there was a whole community of women out here like myself. I have been going this alone for years. My husband is a great father and husband when he is home, however he is gone M-F and exhausted on the weekends to do any fun travel things. No I do not want to lay around and watch TV all weekend. I know this is how we afford the things we have, but after moving across the country 4 times in 6 years, uprooting our children into 4 different schools in 4 different states over the last 6 years, I also had to sacrifice finishing my education and receiving my bachelor’s degree , and resigning from every job I fell in love with along the way to move with him and his job I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. My children are now older 18 and 13, one in college the other in middle, but being a full time single working mother M-F is exhausting. Yes he provides financial support and I am so grateful, but a marriage has to be physical,mental and emotional support too. I do know how much he sacrifices being on the road but the loneliness is to the point where I rather enjoy it. Which could spell trouble in our marriage. I have become so independent over these years that there are times, I can’t wait for him to go on the road. I prefer my own activities, and friends, and spending time with my kids. He seems either too tired or lost in his own home when he returns. Like a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit and I feel sad for him in that way. I only wish more companies would see what a traveling husband and father give up in their pursuit for happiness and the almighty dollar. I have been with my husband now for 22 years and married 15… he covers a very large territory so much of our conversations are about his job, I miss the connection we once shared in every sense of the word. I wonder if we will ever get it back, because in truth I much rather be that single mom M-F then cater to his on the road lifestyle everyday. I enjoy my independence and after all my sacrifice (not to say he hasn’t) but I feel I have earned my time to enjoy the things I like. We have both changed because of his travels and it seems to be more of a disconnect than a bonding. I guess each couple and family is different, I just know that he works hard, sacrifices often, and so do we, but is it worth our marriage? I guess only time will tell.

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