In Part 1 – I laid out all my personal struggles with my husband traveling…the loneliness, the hardships of having to manage the children and emergencies alone, the fears and exhaustion and even the underlying bitterness from seeing other couples together while we were apart.
I was honestly surprised by the response! I had no idea there were so many of us out there experiencing the SAME thing.
I mentioned that I “felt” like a single mom…but I’m NOT. Single moms do not have a provider or a man coming home soon to father their children. I cannot pretend to know the depth of their trials. The small taste I have had of running the show alone gives me a deep respect for single moms across the globe who daily press on for the sake of their children. You all amaze me! {and I wish I could give you a long hug and look you in the eye and say -”God is with you, keep leaning on him for strength. He has helped me and I know he will help you too.”}
Now let’s turn the tables and take a look at our husbands.
Why are they traveling? To work…to provide a paycheck, home, clothes and food for their family. This is a good and noble thing. I Timothy 5:8 says, If anyone does not provide for his family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So our husbands working is a good thing and don’t let the critics steal that honor from your husband.
Is traveling easier than the work we do at home while they are gone? {I tend to focus on the one steak dinner he had and forget the other 4 nights he had Burger King}…
It’s not easy catching flights, sitting in airports for hours trapped, or driving long distances sometimes late into the night in snow storms, finding their hotel and living out of a suitcase for a week, hearing about their child’s little league games and carrying the guilt of having to miss them. Then there’s the actual business they are carrying out while they are gone –a man’s work has many challenges including dealing with co-workers whose personalities are hard, customers who can be difficult to please, or bosses who are less than reasonable. Sometimes the work they went to do goes sour – the deal falls through or the project they were working on is a failure…
And they come home to us – tired and exhausted.
But what they find is their wife –tired and exhausted too.
And if we aren’t careful, this is a recipe for a disaster in marriage. I’ve been there – I’ve been ready to break out for the weekend and party! And he just wants to watch football all.day.long.
Hold it right there mister! You mean you leave all week and I support your endeavors and now you are not catering to me and my desires!!! Let World War 3 begin!!!!
Marriage takes team work and for it to work we have to get ON our husband’s team.
We have to look outside our selfish desires and look to the needs of our husband. I think it is important that we do voice our needs…but if we are voicing them to the point of WW3…then pull back. Let it go for a while.
Here’s is how we have maintained our marriage while my husband is away:
1. We talk daily. Every single night that my husband is out of town we talk on the phone. We usually call him before the kids are in bed and he talks to each of them and they share their favorite part of their day and chat a little. Then after the kids are in bed – we talk. Our norm is to talk for about 1 hour. Some nights he can’t – so we talk 5 minutes – other nights we get carried away and talk 2 hours. But we NEVER go a day without talking.
2. I choose to not get bitter. Bitterness can creep into every crevice that you allow! Banish it! I do not waste energy dreaming of him being here and or how our lives would be better if he didn’t travel. This is my life and I will choose joy.
3. I Choose contentment. The grass will always seem greener if you choose to envy other people’s grass. But rather than looking around at everyone else, I have to work on watering and fertilizing my own grass to keep it green and choosing contentment is the first step.
4. I’m thankful for a working man. So many women long to have a good man in their life who loves them and their children and who is willing to work and bring a pay check home. Be thankful your man is out slaying dragons for his family.
5. I take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. I learned long ago that no one was going to say to me “sit down and take a break” or “go take a bubble bath and read a good book.” I had to choose to make sure that I took care of myself so I had more to give to my kids while my husband was away. For a short season in life, I even got a babysitter to come one day a week for just 3 hours while my kids napped in the afternoon. I used these three hours to run a few errands without kids attached to my hip and then I always ended with 30 minutes at Starbucks or the library reading a good book. I was pro-active and I blessed myself. lol! (remember bubble baths are FREE and a great stress reliever!!!)
5. Turn to God for all your needs. This is a BIG one! I know what’s like to feel lonely. Job and Elijah felt so alone they wanted to die. Jeremiah wished he had never even been born. Satan can use this time to enter sinful thoughts into our minds such as self pity, self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. We may attempt to put a band aid on the pain by turning to the television, alcohol, shopping, binge eating, or excessive computer time. But, the only comfort I ever found was in releasing my needs to God in prayer and then trusting God. It has been in my trusting and delighting – that God has filled the God shaped hole inside of me, to the brim.
6. We’re his greatest fans! Before my husband leaves I always know his schedule. Daily the children and I pray over the specific meetings, challenges, customers and appointments he has. This keeps me feeling like I’m on the same team. I like to help him pack and we always stand and wave on the porch – and he honks as he pulls out the driveway.
When the children were little and had no understanding of time, we would count down “sleeps” until daddy was home. If there were 3 days left till he’d be home, I’d say three more sleeps till daddy’s home. If they were still nappers, I’d say 6 more sleeps until daddy’s home. We also text photos and facetime him.
And I try to look on the bright side…for me, when he travels that means I can spend all evening on my computer socializing and blogging – wooohoo!!! God has used my husband’s travels for good 
**Chime In: How do you maintain your marriage while your husband is away?
Walk with the King,
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This series is a real blessing to me, especially at this time in my life. Thank you!
I was moaning about being a ‘single mum’ one day last year, when the Lord corrected me. I am here, he said, you are not alone. That certainly changed my perception of things! For one thing it gave me peace of mind and courage to face many challenges. My kids and I live in one country while my husband lives and works in another. For both hubby and I, being aware that God is near and is very much involved in all of our lives, no matter the geographical distance, is very comforting. And yes, communicating each day is very helpful.
My husband doesn’t travel much but he WORKS a lot. As in the only 2 times in our 11 year marriage that we’ve spent a week together was our honeymoon and the birth of our first child. Other than that, he can take a day off here and there, but basically no real vacation time. Add that to the fact that his major stress-reliever is cycling means that he spends quite a bit of the weekend out on his bike.
It can be hard sometimes. But I’m a stay at home mom and he pays all the bills and he’s a great husband and father to our kids.
I can understand how Jamie feels as my husband loves cycling too. If they want to be competitive then it means spending lots of time on the bike. My son who is 18 also cycles, and the two of them have been great mates with cycling, but at the moment our son is in France riding for a junior team and loving it, so my husband must now go back to riding on his own. It has also means that I can now accompany him when we go to different events, although we did all go before, but it seems more special now. We too have not had a real holiday altogether for some time. I’m sure life does get better.
My husband doesn’t travel for work, well he does have a 45 minute one way commute while I have a 30 minute commute to work. Since we work different shifts, he’s on 2nd and I’m on 3rd, it’s almost as if,he’s away all week & we reconnect on weekends. We split the household duties & bills. He takes our son to school every morning and on my weekdays off, I pick him up. We have my brother-in-law, who’s single & retired and he also helps out during the week with picking our son up and taking him to basketball games. This is our reality right now and we spend as much time together as we can on weekends. Come spring, we’ll be spending the weekends at camp since we have a travel-trailer at a permanent campsite about 30miles away from home on a man made lake that’s on the OH/PA border about an hour north of Pittsburgh. Can’t wait for April 15!!!
How to maintain a marriage while your husband is away. This is a lesson of love, to give with nothing in return, without expectations. ICor 13, and a very thankful heart to God, for all things work together for good to them that love God….. there is no condemnation to them who walk after the Spirit. If we think of the word condemnation, we realize it comes at us, or comes from us, but ultimately it is not from God. A lot of time this condemnation comes from the enemy to our minds, and our soul. Rolling like a wave through our heart and mind. This is where the brakes must be put on, fast, strong and with great force. Out loud like our LORD in the desert, with a loud, firm voice to the enemy with the Word of God.. Then entering into his gates with thanksgiving, and praising God with the continual thanksgiving of our lips. This is the sound mind, the power and the love of God. We need to teach ourselves and our children at a young age to practice. Then relax for God is the husband of the widow and Father of the fatherless: if it is one day we are a widow, or permanently. Lean hard into his promises for widows and orphans.
With lots of traveling also comes the rist of Extra Marital Affairs on both parties, especially the men! Would be nice to know how to lower that risk. Yes your website has been a real blessing, But I’m bringing up a very big and painful reality, because it happens.
God Bless.
Having a pilot for a hubby, many people have pointed out to me before the high rate of unhappy marriages, affairs and divorce amongst those in the industry. I have always had the attitude that the stats are not us! We are in control of our marriage and how we behave, not other people! Anyway, the bottom line I think for us has really been communication. We talk every day on the phone – sometimes multiple times. Although we’re not physically present with each other, we’re very involved in each other’s doings, and that helps immensely! When your keeping track of each others’ doings and waiting for that next call, you don’t have time to even think about straying
I am a newly wed pilot’s wife! =)
Anon, one resource I would recommend is “The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage”. You are completely right that this is a very real & serious threat to marriages. I think it would be naive to assume that just because you are “into each others doings & waiting for the next phone call, you won’t even have time to think about straying”. There are many “intimacy” books at the CHRISTIAN bookstore that may also have great recommendations for ways to keep both husband and wife “fulfilled” during long stretches apart. I hope you are able to find some resources for ideas & strategies to protect your marriage! Love in Jesus, Ashley
WeeksMy husband works on an oil rig and is away from home 2 weeks at a time, affairs are not uncommon in his line of work. But honestly I think it can happen in any line of work. I agree with what was said before, just because it happens doesn’t man it will to us, and you have to do what you can to build that relationship, and keep a close living relationship with your spouse, even while he is away. And also like above the power of prayer, I fully trust my husband and his commitment to us, but I do like to pay for my husband daily, for his safety at work, but I do include a prayer that he will resist the temptations that come his way, and the protection of our marriage. Make sure you build your husband up even when he is gone.
Having a currently deployed husband myself, I would advise Anon to use Skype with your husband and don’t be shy! Encourage your husband to be open and honest about his needs and struggles while he’s apart from you. Pray pray pray for him. Stand vigilant against temptation yourself as well.
Thank you for this series! My husband does not do much travel for work, and so my initial thought was “this series is not for me”. But you never disappoint and once again, I have found yet another gem to carry along with me. My husband works VERY hard for his family. His job includes dinners with clients and things far more glamorous than my “stay at home mommy life”. It’s easy to forget how exhausting his day has been when I know his tummy is full with a delicious, professionally cooked meal and mine is full with chicken nuggets. I think your rules to keeping a marriage vital when hubby travels is equally applicable to those of us who are lucky enough to have him at home too!
Thank you for this! My husband is gone for 3-4 weeks then usually home for 5 days then gone to National Guard Drill for 2. I know that feeling of being a “single” mom. It stinks! But, I am so greatful he has a job, and he is providing for us. We talk everyday. Sometimes it is only a few minutes, but on days like that we make sure and text each other often ( even if it is just a smiley face or I Love You!). This helps us both stay connected. He also reads to the children when he can. We have four young children and he will try to remember to bring books along and read to them when he says good night. This really helps them. Praying for each other often is a big source of strength and comfort. Homeschooling is also really great because the kids will do extra work while daddy is gone so that we can spend all of our time with him as much as possible while he’s here. We will be facing our first deployment at the end of this year, so I am extremely greatful to see him as much as we do, and I try to show him that as often as possible.
Btw, I don’t know about everyone else, but we always have a tendency to get into a fight over the phone on his drive home. I’ve finally realized this and as soon as I see it about to happen I do the best thing I can, shut my mouth! lol…
seriously though, It’s not worth it!
Midon, these are great tips! I especially like the tip about shutting the mouth when you sense an argument coming! I need to implement that!
I traveled for my job for many years. The first 5 years of our marriage, my husband was living elsewhere due to the Navy so I did a lot of traveling. I learned a lot about what to and not to do on travel and how to deal with thing. Fast forward 12 years and now my husband is “home” and in a job where he travels for a week or more at a time. We talked it over before he took the job and I told him that i would be here for him and we would be fine. I’d been there, done that. When he schedules business trips, I help him pack, make sure he has “snacks” for the plane and money in his pocket. We talk every morning and every evening, we video chat with google with our son so he can see Daddy every day. I love when he comes home! Because we work for the same company, I’m able to help him navigate through the travel stuff he has to do becuase I’ve already been there. It helps. Since we both work outside the home, it does sometimes strain on me when he travels but honestly, I don’t mind. He’s doing a job he loves and it makes him happy to feel the way he does when he does his work. That happiness in him makes me proud to be his wife. Occasionally I have to travel and he ‘remembers’ how difficult I have it when I’m home either wiht him or without him. It always brings him back to earth when he acutally has to take care of everything mom takes care of for him. I would not trade him for anything.
When he was stationed in Puerto Rico the first two years of our marriage we only saw each other every 2-3 months for a couple of days. it was hard but we talked EVERY day. We would even rent the same movie and watch it together on the phone. That amount of communication really strengthened our marriage…
Thank you so much for posting this…Being a wife of a traveling husband for almost 14 years I often find myself in that rut of POOR PITIFUL ME senerio…I allowed satan to use my loniness and stress of being the stay at home parent to cause many of WW3…Since finding your blog and watching your video messages the LORD has allowed through your empathy of knowing where we are coming from, my eyes to be opened on how much of this I controlled and how much of this I caused…Thank You for allowing the LORD to use you in a way and speak to those of us women in our own language, that we may all strive to be more of the Proverbs 31 wives these hard working men deserve…May the LORD continue to use and bless you in a great and mighty way that only he can!
Good morning. First of all thanks to my friend Danielle for posting this on Facebook.
What an awesome portrayal and tool to help wives when their husbands are away. I will say I am a 30 year veteran of a husband who has traveled since we said “I Do”!!! In the beginning, it was the hardest thing ever. I was only 20 years old and never lived alone. I didn’t understand what all he did when he was away. I was scared to be alone. I didn’t have children yet so it was okay. But as soon as my children were born, then I believe the problems started cause I felt like I was all alone raising my children, and trying to work and keep up with everything. I felt like I was drowning and when he came home, we argued all the time. Our marriage suffered but we persevered. It was very rocky for a few years. I look back now and laugh cause I remember fighting over him getting to eat at nice restaurants and staying in amazing places! I was crazy! And don’t think for a second that my mind didn’t wander whether he was with other women. That’s just Satan!! Because once I stayed home and raised my children and didn’t work and prayed to my God to help me be the best mom and wife of a husband who traveled, my life changed. I now am so thankful that he works hard to support our family in every way. I am a better wife than ever, and any fears of him traveling are gone. When he comes home… He comes home to ME!!!! And just so you know… I enjoy my nights now when he’s gone, cause it’s quiet and I can do whatever… Talk on the phone, watch any channel, and sleep with the TV off!!! Lol. Love him more than ever!!!!!!! God bless all of you !!!!! This made my day to see I’m doing it well!
Thank you so much for this blog, Courtney
!! It is an inspiration to me! I try not to feel bad when my husband travels so much for work. He’s been working for this company alomost a year and a half. I figured it out one day last year and he was around “home” working for only 1 1/2 months during the year and some of those months he wasn’t home even on the weekends. So, blessed man that he is, moved me closer to my family and friends 
It is hard like you said not to feel lonely and I absolutely agree with you about turning that over to God, it does work!
One of the hardest things for me, is the fact that we don’t have a second vehicle. So, I am home during the week without a way to go anywhere. This is where I can understand your feelings of hating to burden anyone. On the weekends my poor tired out husband and I run all day Saturday getting the shopping done for the week while he’s away.
I have learned to be independant on a lot of things that my husband would normally do around the house…fix a leaky pipe in the laundry room, kill the mouse that was running around the house
, I have even started learing to kill a spider (only with the Lord’s help)!!
When I staarted feeling really bad about all the time my husband works away from home, I started REALLY praying about it. My answer from God was, that this is my job that He has given to me. To make my house a home and to be a keeper of it while my husband is away. I have learnt to be very content with God’s help and that has made a big difference in me and my husband, because he now comes home to a much more contented wife.
Sorry this was so long
Thanks for this series! It was really great to read this! And for me, it helps to remember, that, yes, he is eating a steak dinner at Kelsey’s, but he also eating alone. I may be eating Kraft dinner with the kids for the 3rd time that week, but at least I have the kids to keep me company, keep me entertained, and to keep me busy. For my husband, one of the hardest parts is eating alone…..
Courtney,
This was such an encouragement to my heart. My husband doesn’t travel for work, but he works long hours. I stay home with our three year old boy and the last few years I have felt all of these feelings. It has been very hard at times. When he gets home, I’m so ready to let him take over the responsibilities of child rearing. There have been times that I begged him to call in sick to work because I didn’t think I could last one more day home alone with a child. Thank you so much for exhorting me. I think I need to print this out and read it often.
I still trying to figure out the best way to handle my husband being away. With another little one on the way my energy is gone, and it’s hard for me to figure out the best way to do things.
This really helped me, I am about to get married. My fiancé can be gone for weeks at a time with his hunting business, we don’t have kids yet but I know we will soon and this will be something I save and refer back to often.
It is very hard since while he is gone I work and then come home to take care of all of the animals on our ranch, not to mention my family and friends see his trips hunting as a vacation for him ( which it is not he has clients, and it is very demanding work).
I love how God is using you to reach so many of us moms that now can say “I am not alone…I’m not the only one who feels this way!” Thanks for taking your time to post these! And isn’t it just like this to read something like this then the devil come up and challenge you right away as you were thinking you’re gonna try to have a positive outlook on this! That kinda sums up my morning…but I still thank you for sharing it
My husband doesn’t “travel” for his job. He works in a totally different city and commutes home on the weekends. I’m blessed that I don’t have younger children but do have two grown children – a senior in high school and a 20 year old. They have their own lives so sometimes it just me at home. At first, I didn’t know how I was going to make it but I decided to get involved in my church. Like you, we talk to each every night and when he comes home, I try to prepare that one “home-cooked” meal he doesn’t get to enjoy every night. We try to go out on a date when he’s home but sometimes family events come in to play so we do what we can. I don’t know what God has in store after our son graduates this year but I can’t look too far into the future. I try to live my life day by day…being grateful for my husband and they way he is providing for us. Thank you for this! It has really been a blessing to me.
Thanks for posting this. It came at the right time. My husband leaves next week for a month and I have a hard time with being bitter. He gets to go to our home state (we are Army) for training so I very jealous stuck in the snow. I need to make sure to remember he is doing it for us. We use “sleeps” too!!
I have struggled with this for years. My husband has traveled our whole married life of 21 years and after three kids And the constant responsibilities of this, I have become very discouraged. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
My hubby travels pretty frequently for work, and one of the places he has to go to is in the Arctic Circle- literally close to the north pole! Over 24 hours to get there, and it feels so far away. I try and keep him going with upbeat texts, and chats if we are able to talk. I try and get the kids on the phone with him too, it makes him feel good to hear their voices. My kids are a bit older, so they can also text him with their phones as well. And the day he gets home is a big deal. I make sure the house is clean, wash is done, and there is a nice meal waiting for him and give him time to just… unwind. We watch his flight on flight tracker and know pretty much the minute he’s going to pull up. We wait at the door and it’s like a big happy reunion. Even the dog jumps up and gives him a hug lol. He’s usually exhausted so I try not to commit to too much that day either so he can sleep if needed. The last time he got back, he went into our bedroom, put his stuff down, and said, it looks so nice in here. Nicer than any hotel I’ve ever been in. Warmed my heart. The biggest struggle I have had is when he misses The Big Stuff. Like moving our oldest to her college dorm for the first time. Or one of the girls’ concerts. He even almost missed our oldest’s graduation. (his boss felt bad and took the trip for hubby). That’s when I battle bitter. Or when stuff breaks down or it snows or someone is sick. I guess sometimes life is just hard- no way to get around it, just gotta plow through it.
Thank you thank you thank you!
I was a single mom for five years (and a teen mom at that!) and I will say, that was a very tough season. My husband is a wonderful provider, I need to remember to thank him more often. I so easily fall into the trap of “the grass is greener” mentality, and it’s terribly destructive.
I’m going to work on this!
My husband doesn’t travel, but he is a farmer, so that means there are times of the year that he is gone from sun up to well after sundown. It is always a difficult time for me, caring for our 4 kids alone. As we are approaching another busy planting/harvest/irrigation season, your words have really hit home! I’m making a commitment to be a better help-mate and appreciate the hard work that provides for our family. No more complaining to him, feeling overwhelmed, bitter, and lonely! Thanks for this today, I am encouraged!!
Thank you for this wonderful post! And thank you for including us single girls in your discussion. To all you wives who feel single, I encourage you to count your blessings. You have the comfort of knowing your husband WILL come home, and that you’ll be able to enjoy being a family again.
It’s different when you’re single. I have the comfort of knowing that God is my husband and that He will provide. But as in all things that involve faith, I don’t actually know when or how. The comfort and solution always comes, and I’ve learned to wait expectantly, but there is still an element of suspense about it.
God has already promised me that I will marry again. I don’t know when, but I know it will come. In the meantime, I consider this my “Abraham and Sarah” season. There’s no evidence of it at all when I look around me, but God reminds me of that promise almost every day. Like Abraham and Sarah there really isn’t much I can do about it except wait patiently, and live every day as well as I can.
I live in Texas, so I’ve never had my garage door freeze shut, but I’ve experienced almost everything else you wrote about! It’s no fun, but on the other hand, it IS empowering! After experiencing things like that it’s hard to get upset about the little things. And there are SO MANY little things in life!
To all the married women out there I would say “be thankful”. I really do understand your trials, but I would like to point out that for most of you there is either an end or a break to your husbands travels. Enjoy them.
Courtney, thank you so much for your posts. This one really fed my spirit and I believe it is preparing me for the man and husband God has already planned for me. I look forward to that day.
Thanks for this post Courtney! It helps to know so many other Christian wives are in the same situation, whether it is travel or working long hours. My husband travels a lot internationally so talking on the phone is limited by time differences and cost. My biggest frustration is when he comes home. I want to stay up and talk or go out and he is exhausted with jet lag. Also, it is frustrating when our church family encroaches on our “catching up” time because he is an elder and has many responsibilities in our church as well.
My husband has been travelling typically 60-90% of the year for the last 4 years. He started when we had only one child and I was a stay at home mom, and we now have 3 who are all still young, none of them school age. We joke that he’s only home often enough to get me pregnant again and then he’s back on the road. There is no “schedule” for my husbands job – he just goes until the job is done. Sometimes 2 weeks, others 6 weeks at a time often without any opportunity to come home. I’m now working full time but my company allows me to work from home, which is a blessing overall, but I do miss the bustle of the office and other human interaction that goes beyond whining and screaming. In fact, as I write this, I’m listening to a conference call on mute while my youngest (19 months) is screaming at the top of his lungs at his sister (3)!
I have spent my fair share of time complaining and wishing our situation was different, but, in the end, this works for us (most of the time, anyway.) We recently tried to make a major change in our lives which included my husband changing careers so as to not have to travel, relocating to another state, me returning to work full time, and changing the very essence of our lives. We had such grand plans for this new life and how wonderous it would be…only to find that the grass truly isn’t greener on the other side — this move, this plan, was an epic fail and we were miserable. We packed back up and headed back home. My husband got his travelling job back and we’re back to the grind, however, this time it seems different. Perhaps a fresh perspective was all we needed. We’re loved and cared for, my husband enjoys his job and I mine, and surprisingly enough, our marriage is strongly intact. The lowest point in our marriage was when we tried to change things – we’ve never had fights like we did during the relocation phase! I found myself wondering last night as I “celebrated” how much I accomplished yesterday with an entire box of Tagalongs and a huge glass of milk at what point this became normal and comfortable, and the answer I came up with was once I accepted it as my life. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it!
My question is about considering jobs knowing that they include travel. We feel like we disregard job opportunities because they require so much travel and that the Lord has asked us to prioritize family. How do we go about making those type of decisions when so much travel time is on the line?
H – There’s not a cookie cutter solution. I think each husband and couple has to decide with God at their lead what is best for them. This takes prayer and seeking wise advice. I know of men who have sacrificed promotions and more pay to keep from traveling and what a blessing that is to their families. I also know of great men of God such as Billy Graham – who traveled and left their families for days or weeks to spread the gospel. We also know of military men who are Godly and love their families but they accept the call to defend our country. This means months away from their families.
Each family’s puzzle is different. For those who seek God in prayer – I believe he will show them his will for their life. And then by faith, we must walk in it.
One more thing, open doors does not always mean “God’s will”. I have had many open doors for 2013 for me to travel and speak at exciting conferences. We have prayed and decided that is not best for our family in this season of life. That does not mean that my friends who are choosing this year to travel and speak should not. This is what God has shown us and I am very confident that God has shown my friends that they should go. We each must individually seek God’s will for our lives and then walk in it.
I have been married 28 years. We have 3 children.
My husband is a long haul driver. In the early years it was very tough.
That was before Internet and, cell phones. Often, he didn’t have time to stop
for a pay phone. Too, sometimes he would stop and, the phone was out of order
or someone would beat him to the phone and, talk so long he would have to leave.
I did my best to make life grand for him. On the day he was coming home the
He would drop all his stuff right
house would be spotless, the kids clean and, dressed nice. I would get dressed nice
too. I always cooked a great meal with dessert. When he would drive up I would
look at all the kids and, get very excited and, jump up and, down and say Daddy is HOME!
Then they would catch the wave of excitement. By the time he walked into the door he
had the whole family cheering and, shouting and, hugging him! Every single time he came home!
He would always look like the happiest man in the world.
then and, hug us all. Then he would take a few steps into the living room and, hit the floor so
the kids could jump and, roll and, tug all over him.
My children remember this with fondness, as does my husband. Now, it is just me and,
the dog. I must say, the dog has more enthusiasm than myself. LOL! But, I am always
thankful the Lord brings him home safely. Now we have cell phones, YES!
I love this! My husband travels across the country, and he usually catches the first flight home after his work day is done…which puts him home around 1am. I’m truly grateful that he gets home to us asap, but i sometimes wish he got home when we were all awake so we could welcome him home in style!!
Can’t tell you how much I resonate with your series and all your postings! So much so I shared it on my blog, like a long lost sister who can read my heart. I also grew up with a traveling dad, too. Said I never marry one, haha!! http://ajourney4life.blogspot.com/2013/02/encourage-one-another.html
Amazing!! My husband works off shore, so he is gone a two week ‘hitch’ , then home two weeks. We have been doing this since this past May née have 4 children still living at home~14, 12 1/2, 9 1/2 and 7 1/2. the two older are boys, younger are girls. The boys play baseball for our jr high, girls dance and are on competition team. I didn’t work when he started his job. I started subbing for our school district in August. Then when Hurricane Isaac came and there was flooding in our small town, we lost our home we lived in. It was owned by his parents, my hubby grew up there. We found a rental for our family, but this meant a sudden large payment we were not used to, so I went to work full time for the first time in 15 years to help out. We have had a few struggles because, when he i home for two weeks, I want to let go if everything but work and let him do it. He just went back on Thursday and I needed this!! I need to do better when he is home about cooking~his biggest complaint is I never cook when he is home, he is right. I tend to think he needs to just do it, but I realize I still need to participate during his time home!!! Thank you so much for this amazing Word of encouragement!!!
For those who can’t talk everyday — be encouraged that you can still maintain some communication and the advances in communication are awesome! Keep a list of things you want to talk about when you can (being military it might be days it might be months) and say I LOVE YOU first so that when the phone dies (cause it WILL) you don’t regret not having said it!
Oh and extend grace to YOURSELF as well to know there will be days when you hate your life, life is overwhelming, you feel alone, just want chocolate and wine and feel very angry at hubby that he’s away and not dealing with everything you are! It’s OK — so long as you recognize it, allow yourself to feel those feelings – you are human after all and emotions are from the Lord!- see why you feel that way and if anything needs to change, and then take it to the Lord…..
My husband works in the oilfield and works 14 days and is home for 14. It can be very difficult with our 3 young kids, homeschooling the oldest, and with another one on the way. But I honestly feel so blessed to bee able to live this lifestyle. I think about what it was like before he had this job, he would lave before the kids were up and would often come home after they were already in bed. He only had one day off and he was either to tired to move, or had to fix something around the house. Having 2 weeks together is amazing, and makes the time apart more then worth it. Although his home time can come with his own set of struggles, especially when we’re cooped up in the winter. But the quality tike we get together really is wonderful. Also being able to really miss each other can make things exciting. I think staying positive about it, and making sure to appreciate the sacrifices my husband makes, working outside in freezing cold weather, or unbearably hot in the summer, missing his whole family while I only have to miss him, and so on make it easier for me to make it through the rough patches. I also do try and allow myself some me time when he is gone.
I confess, many ‘drama’s’ have occurred when my husband was away from the home… Febrile convulsions, two with two different children! A snapped fingernail, a fall, a flooding toilet, and many other incidents. It was difficult when the children were little, it’s good to be reminded of the difficulties – I need to look out more for women left holding the babies.
Today’s prayer: Lord, please let things unravel a little more slowly so I can keep up. Give me creativity to respond and a sense of humor. Amen.
If we are bitter and complaining about our husband working over or being out of town in front of the kids then the kids start to have a bad attitude towards their dad and even be bitter towards him. I tell my kids that daddy loves us so much he is sacrificing and laying down his life for us to pay our bills and buy us food. I tell them he doesn’t want to be away from us so much, but he has to. I tell them he’s a good father and we can be thankful he has a job when many men don’t. I agree with you, choose gratitude rather than a bad attitude!
You are right to say be thankful for a working man, I can’t believe how many men don’t want to work and support their family these days.
I have a hubby who travels too and sometimes it is very hard! It seems as though the kids always got sick when daddy was away and I was up all night with one of them. A few years ago when he was away, I miscarried and that was the hardest thing! I got very bitter and angry that he wasn’t there but God sure was! I have had to grow and mature and learn to be thankful that my husband has a good job that provides for his family. Yes, he has gotten to see so many wonderful sites and eat at special restaurants but I know he would rather be doing those things with me, not his co-workers! Thank you for this post, it is very timely as my hubby with be leaving for Israel next week. I am trying to be supportive and encouraging to him and remind the kids that daddy works very hard and has his company to think about too. We also try to talk every singe night that we can and it helps so much to hear his voice. Thanks again for reminding me to be thankful instead of angry and bitter!
Thank you so much for this series. It helped me and my husband does not really travel for work much.
First, I loved that you said you “feel” sometimes like a single mom, but you’re not. One of my biggest pet peeves is when women say “I’m a single mom this week”. That does such a disservice to true single moms, so thank you for clarifying and speaking truth in that area.
Second, my hubby is a Youth Pastor and works a few evenings a week. I struggle with bitterness some nights when our baby is having a rough night and I’m all alone. I also struggle because we have a low income and for the first few months allowed seeds of bitterness to take root. We can all use the tips you listed!
Interesting series! As an outsider to the whole Biblical-living thing, I’m especially interested in the particular scripture verses that prompt the male breadwinner, female homemaker way of life. I don’t often hear many of the ones for husbands, like I Timothy 5:8. Thanks for sharing
Sorry if it’s weird that I read your blog, but I really enjoy learning about where you’re coming from!
http://pinterest.com/pin/158329743119960987/
The other night at bible study I shared some of my struggles, making sure to leave out the feelings that I felt guilty about. Your sister Jen asked if I had read your blog you recently posted saying I really needed to read it. As I read part 1 I just cried. I have been feeling so guilty about the things I felt and my frustrations. As I read I saw that you had ALL of the same thoughts and heart feelings. Knowing he is working hard but feeling SO alone. I have no parents or siblings to call when my sewer backs, up or when there is a gas leak. I hate asking for help and I hate feeling helpless. I hate that I am so burnt out I am not being the mom I want to be. The kid and house emergency are the things that seem to push me on the days I am at the end.
I then read part 2 and I need to choose Joy everyday, I need not to compare which is a big struggle for me, and we must communicate better to each other at night. In all these challenges and trials I know God is teaching me and making me stronger. I have started a blog post to document these days because I think it is something I need to remember what God has taught me threw these times. To not forget.
Thank you, for sharing this area of your life that is so personal but you have been so willing to share is such a blessing.
My husband isn’t coming home, he has Alzheimer’s disease and there are days he isn’t sure who I am. I immediately realized that I still do the same things you do to keep our marriage alive as possible. It is hard on the days he doesn’t know me but a joy when he does. I pray each day for God to take care of him and bless the caregivers in the nursing home but sometimes forget about me. You have reminded me that I have to pray that the Lord fills my soul too.
My husband has traveled for years and before he traveled, he worked very long hours on his own business. I was alone a lot during my 2 pregnancies. (I even had to tell him by phone that I was expecting our 2nd child.) The Lord gave me the strength I needed though, and He still does. For the past 3 years, my husband has traveled internationally most months for 1-3 weeks. He builds homes in Haiti, and as you can imagine, they have unpredictable power and cell towers. Also, his internet connection is too slow for us to Skype. Some days I have to be content with just a text message. Yesterday I spoke to him for 1 minute. It is hard! I miss my best friend, but I am grateful for him and what he is doing. I know the Lord has called him to Haiti, and that our family can’t live there right now. We wait on the Lord to show us where He would have us go. I pray that one day the Lord gives me the desire of my heart, which is to be together as a family in whatever country He would lead us to. For now, I take it one day at a time, do my best to point our boys to the Lord, and extend myself grace when I can’t do it all like some Moms seem to do. God is good!
Thank you for your post, I’ve enjoyed this and all of the readers’ comments, as I am yet another wife of a traveling husband. My biggest problems to overcome have been the “emergencies” (we had a snake in the house once!), fear of being alone at night, and becoming bitter over all of the house and child-rearing duties. My Savior has helped me through all of it, though at times, I admit I’ve done the “poor me” act. If I had anything to add, I would say (as both you and your readers have already mentioned) is to build him up and pray for him. Clean the house, burn a candle, make the beds, cook a nice meal, and tidy up. My husband knows I’m a total slob, but I make that effort for his return, it makes an immediate impact on his mood!! Be available for lovin’ no matter how bitter you are over that steak dinner and don’t complain about his lack of help around the house to your friends. I’ve discovered personally that if you paint a negative picture of your spouse to your friends and children, they will lose respect for him and bad-mouth him as well. I’ve also discovered that complaining & nagging to him while he’s gone about all the issues I’m having only makes him feel bad about himself and his job. Part of loving him is encouraging him, not making him feel guilty about his provision for us. Submit every negative thought to Christ as He is the great Comforter. It’s not easy, but I also find great comfort in Prov 31!
I am a newly wed pilot’s wife! My husband’s career in the past year has really “taken off” lol and he seems to be gone more now than ever! We used to goal for 8 days a month, but now it seems he is gone for about 10-15 days and this is the “slow” time of year.
I work a full time job and we do not have children yet. As I was walking our dogs the other day, I was thinking about how difficult my life will become when we decide to have children. Do you have any advice on how to prepare for children when both of you work and one travels?
Your part 1 blog brought tears to my eyes =) P.S. He gets fancy meals paid for every night, sometimes I get very jealous whoops!
Amanda, while I’m not the author of this blog, I can share with you my own advice on preparing for children. I am also a pilot’s wife and we have 3 little ones. My advice to anyone newly married is to learn how to cook, clean, and manage your home before kids! I worked right up until I was pregnant with our second child and felt like I had no idea what I was doing and seemingly no time to learn it in! I so wish I had taken the time to learn to be a good wife before being plunged also into the hugely time and energy consuming job of being a mom as well. I also very much benefitted personally from reading Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. God bless you!
This has definitely hit home with me. My husband is an engineer with the railroad. He is gone a lot! I have never been one to want to stay home and “tend” to the kids. I always imagined myself as the one working for the paycheck. So things have changed, and I still find it hard to deal with at times. My hardest obstacles I deal with is when my twins have school functions and I am running back and forth trying to attend both alone, or how I attend church alone with my kids, while everyone else has their husbands there to be with them , you know the “perfect” church family. My other deal is when there are family events and I attend them alone. It is definitely hard with 3 kids. Here is my self pity party…
I love my husband, but I do find myself as you mentioned exhausted and when he gets home he is tired too. We fight quite a bit, mainly due to exhaustion. Any time that he has a vacation when we are both caught up on our sleep , I begin seeing why we fell in love in the first place. It is hard, but I do pray that God makes my marriage what He wants it to be, and for Him to take the blinders from my eyes, to show me that it will be ok. That not everyone has the “perfect” life that you would assume they do. My husband’s schedule usually is home for 12 hrs. gone for two days. Another thing I think that makes it hard, is the children and I develop a schedule when he is gone, and when he gets home (it never fails) , he messes it up and then gets aggravated that the kids and I aren’t on his schedule.
**I am just glad to read that I am not the only one experiencing this. It gives me hope and definitely a different view of his situation too.**
I love all your “tips!” I only wish I had found them sooner. My husband travels a lot for work and I feel like if I had done all the things you do, I would not be in the position I am now. My husband met someone else on a business trip and we have now been seperated for 2 months. This has been so hard on me and our three young children (who have no idea what is going on). If he would just realize he’s not “in love” with this other person and give our family a second chance, I would love to put all your tips to use.
I am new to your blog, I found you on Pinterest, but I gotta say I love this post. My husband has traveled for work for most of our 17 year marriage, sometimes gone for months at a time with very limited time at home. I have gone the range from being angry and bitter and glad he was gone to finding a peace and contentment. The biggest change for me was letting go of the idea of the perfect family, and accepting this was normal for me. This took lots of prayer and tears, and some more prayer. I wish I had seen this list years ago, I agree wholeheartedly! Reaalizing that I wasn’t alone on this journey also has made a huge difference! I will be reading some more…. Many blessings!
Just for the record, having your husband away on a business trip is nowhere near the same as having your husband deployed. Deployment often means dangerous situations and weeks before you get to talk to each other.
Great post!
I think it is important to remember though that not all our husbands go to a place where they can talk daily. My husband works for the Department of Defense so while he is away we do not get to talk daily. You emphasized talking daily but there are other ways to maintain a strong connection without talking daily. I work on projects that will bless my husband while he is away for example. I also work on myself and other areas of my life that I can focus on more if he is not here. I love having him here and would rather he be here but that doesn’t mean I can’t find the good in my situation. Of course prayer and prayer over safety is also important.
Wow, this post is good, my younger sister is analyzing these kinds
of things, thus I am going to tell her.
Thank you!!!! My husband started working out of town about a month ago now and it was a necessity although not something we like. We went from having just odd jobs for 3 years to him being gone 5 days a week and working in his home office all day Saturday. He is home, but not here. I have been feeling so neglected and that he doesn’t love me, I know it isn’t true, but that is how I have been feeling. He is soooo concerned about the kids and how they are coping with everything and he just hasn’t even seen how hard it has been on me.
Today, after church, we had it out. I tried to be civil and explain what was bothering me, but of course that is not how it came out. It was ALOT of built up aggravation that I should have dealt with a while ago. After we had our argument (which didn’t help at all and only made things worse) I just was asking God what I could do to get my point across without being disrespectful (like I was earlier in the day). I just happened to stumble upon your blog while looking for some verses that might help me understand my position! God is good!!! All the Time!!!!!!!
Maryann
Thank you for your advices, my Husband is a Taxi driver and he work in another city.
Sometimes does not feel so good, but with God we will.
I follow you from Dominican Republic.
It’s wonderful that you are getting ideas from this article as well as from our discussion made here.
Communication and contentment definitely make life better with a hubby who is gone lots! My husband joined the Navy shortly after we got married so he has been away for short and long periods over the years.
A couple other things that keep us close are: I keep him involved in decision-making, even when he’s not home; I share humorous stories and pictures of what the kids are doing; we spend lots of tune together when he’s home.
Communication and contentment definitely make life better with a hubby who is gone lots! My husband joined the Navy shortly after we got married so he has been away for short and long periods over the years.
A couple other things that keep us close are: I keep him involved in decision-making, even when he’s not home; I share humorous stories and pictures of what the kids are doing; we spend lots of time together when he’s home.
My husband has been traveling a lot lately, gone 3 weeks at a time on catastrophic relief efforts, so going into areas where people are in distress, areas that may not be safe. I worry about him a lot. He just got home a week ago, and may have to leave again May 1. I don’t have kids at home, but still it’s tough. The long nights, where noises seem to appear every night between midnight and 2; going to church alone and seeing other couples together and missing him more; dealing with aging parents, especially his mom who is not doing well and has many needs and needs quite a bit of help; on and on. We try to Facetime every night, but the last time he was gone, he didn’t have wifi until the last couple days. Facetime helps, because at least we can see one another. We do talk every night, even if it’s only for a few minutes because of work schedules, and such.
It’s hard to keep the feelings of being totally overwhelmed in check when he’s gone, and then keep those feelings from surfacing when he gets home. I have not done very well at that this last time since he is only home for probably two weeks, and is still working 10-12 hour days. I am extremely grateful for his job, and thankful God provides for us. I just hate being home without my hubby! I am working on the lonely feelings but it’s sure tough.
Thank you so much for this article. I am a stay at home mom to three young children (4 year-old twins and an 11 month-old baby), and my husband’s job requires that he travel often. As I read “Part 1″ I just kept nodding as I was reading, surprised to learn that I wasn’t the only one who felt like a circus clown, trying to juggle three little ones by myself while at church, so on and so forth. May God bless you for blessing and encouraging others like myself. Thank you once again. I cannot thank you enough.
I’m not a religious person but I do have a husband who travels quite a lot, and I am a stay-at-home mom with a 4 yr. old and 6 month twins. While I can’t entirely understand the Bible references, I do understand and really appreciate the sentiment and the wonderful way you’ve put it to words. And what I really appreciate is how you’ve pointed out it is a choice how we look at the situation and handle it. I could just about cry thinking how often I feel like “poor me”, angry and bitter. Trying NOT to talk on the phone, thinking “I’ll show him”, because I’m so angry being left here with three kids while he’s having dinner in Europe. But you’re writings have been a real wake up call. Thank you so much for that. I’m not “showing” anybody — I’m hurting my own marriage by choosing to have a negative attitude. Like you and so many others have said, I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful, caring and providing husband. It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start caring for my marriage. Thank you.
I know this is an old post – but I found it on Pinterest today and I cannot say thank you enough for these two posts on your husband traveling! It’s so nice to know that I am not alone.
My daughter is 4, and for her entire life he has been home an average of 60 days per year. (Yes – SIXTY days per year.) But because of his sacrifices (and I am always having to remind myself that he is making a bigger sacrifice than I am!) we are able to give our daughter the life that she deserves. I can stay home, we can homeschool, we can afford to have her play sports, and most importantly? We have a nice house, that I have the privilege of taking care of.