The Effects of Feminism On Women in the Church

Rural Church, Midwest, Ohio, near Akron, USA

 

Today we conclude our series titled: {Radical} Women –Living Well.

As we study Titus 2:3-5, we find the passage quite simple to understand:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbandsthat the word of God may not be reviled. (esv)

It’s simple to understand Titus 2:3-5.

So extremely simple.

But so extremely difficult to live out, in a world where feminism has blurred the thinking of women in the church.  Women who have been taught by the world rather than God’s Word, what to value.  Then they bring these values into the church.

But we are not to value the world’s philosophies – but rather obey the Word of God.  Conflict is raised – even within the church – when we talk about women’s roles and this is why living according to Titus 2 is truly {Radical} living!

Last Friday, I mentioned in my blog post how I have emptied trash cans, hung towels, emptied laundry baskets and hung my husband’s pants probably a thousand times.  A woman commented:

“Aren’t you treating your husband like a child, cleaning up after him?”

When we take care of our husband by doing work in the home for him –are we treating him like a child?  Should he be left to take care of himself – do his own laundry, cook his own meals, empty his own trash cans, make his own bed, and hang his own pants?

This is a very real and valid question to ask – especially within the culture we live where both men and women work and both men and women split household chores.  In our home, I homeschool 20 hours a week during the school year while balancing around 30 hours a week of blogging.  My plate is full…but my husband’s needs remain at the top of my to-do list.

Some women are married to neat freaks who never leave a towel on the floor and always do their own laundry. Others are married to a man who shows love through acts of service and so though he may not enjoy doing these things, he lovingly does them to help out.  While others – like my husband, prefer to not do these sorts of chores after a long day of work.  The Bible does not clearly tell us how to divide housework in the home.  So there is not a “one-size fits all” approach.  But all husbands have needs in the home and their needs should be a priority to us.

Now in answer to the reader’s question, my husband certainly does not feel like he is treated like a child in our home. He is the respected head of the house. And when I do these things for him – he feels loved and cared for.  If anything – he feels like a king (Lol!) and he knows his wife is unique and I think that makes him love me all the more.

Many women go to work and do whatever their boss asks them to do.  It’s interesting that these women are willing to do so much for a paycheck – yet so little for the man they make love to.  Does the work of cooking, cleaning, rocking babies and teaching children only become valuable if we are paid to do it for someone else’s kids or home?

Feminism would lead you to believe this.  But the Bible flip flops this completely and tells women in Titus 2 to love our husband and children and do work in our homes – not for a paycheck or man’s praise but for a more important reason…

“that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:5)

Revile means to discredit, dishonor, or condemn.

So why does God ask women to do these counter-cultural things?

That the word of God would not be dishonored and discredited.

Have we considered that living just like the world discredits the word of God?  Have we  allowed feminist thoughts to   deceive us?  God does not tell us to do this just for our own sake – but for His sake – for His glory.

Feminism is as old as the garden of Eden. In Genesis 2, God commanded Adam to not eat fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Eve was deceived by the serpent and took a bite despite being told by Adam to not eat of the tree.  Then she gave some to her husband Adam to eat.  Eve usurped her husband and sinned first in Genesis 3  but in Romans 5 – it is Adam who is held responsible, as the head of the household, for their sin.

You see, {radical} living requires {radical} obedience to God’s word.  And obedience is hard – and so like Eve – we make excuses for why we should not obey God’s word.  It’s easy to come up with excuses because the feminists have been training us through media for years.  It’s easier to follow their ways than God’s but like Eve in the garden, in the end, it leads to pain and suffering and it leads to Christianity being discredited.

And Titus 2 is pretty simple to read…and understand. But it asks a lot of us as women. It requires us to think differently than the world, differently than the feminist agenda and differently at opportunities that come our way.

Are you willing to be a {Radical} Woman –Living Well?

It’s more simple than some would like you to believe.

Go love on your husband and children, be self-controlled, pure, do your work at home, and be kind and submissive to your husband.  Obey Titus 2:3-5.

Walk with the King,

Courtney

***This post is a part of the Summer {Radical} Women Living Well Series.  Here are the other posts in this series.

{Radical} Women –Living Well

4 Qualities of {Radical} Older Women

4 {Radical} Ways to Love Your Husband and Children

5 {Radical} Qualities Young Women Should Pursue

Comments

  1. says

    The reason God asks young women to love their husbands and children, be self-controlled, keepers at home, and obedient to their husbands is to “adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things”{Titus 2:10}. It is ALL for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. His name is glorified when we love and obey our husbands because there is no strife in the family, when we train our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord by being keepers at home so we will raise godly offspring, when we dress modestly as to not cause men to stumble, etc. It is all for His glory and to be lights shining in this dark world, pointing others to Jesus. All for HIM.

    • says

      Amen! I do find it hard to pick up pants and sort laundry off the floor. I will remember this post as I do so in the future! :) Thanks for living radically and sharing that challenging life with us!

  2. Ashley says

    This article is so timely for me Courtney!!!! You just don’t know how timely! I have been convicted to at least cut back to a part time job instead of full time. I am praying God will someday allow me to be at home full time. Right now my husband prefers I help with our income until certain debts are paid. He wouldn’t mind if I switched to part time. I want to be submissive and at least work until the debt is paid. But I certainly feel staying in a full time job does allow me to accomplish all I need to do in my home to please God. I have no energy after working my current job in a VERY stressful environment. I realize my current situation does not fall in line with God’s instructions in the Scripture you have given. This has been something stirring for a while now in my heart and I LOVE that you posted every word you did here today.
    Disclaimer-I know my reply may anger some women who disagree with me. I am not saying others should/need to feel the same way I do about full time work outside the home. I am simply sharing with Courtney what is on my heart and what my personal situation is. Thanks!

    Love you Courtney!
    -Ashley

  3. says

    As Christian women,we should want to emulate the Titus 2: 3-5 as well as the proverbs 31 vision Christ has set out for us. I don’t want to look like the world’s view of women. I want to be set apart, different, a peculiar woman. By replicating what God has set out for us, we should draw others to us to find out what makes us so. We become attractive to the world because of the peace we find in our difference. If the world hates me for this, so be it. I have to be what God calls me to be.

  4. says

    Thank you so much for this post . . . it seems like there is almost an angry attitude of demanding equality that gets taken to an extreme and somehow seems to remove love and caring of our families. I think that is the lie that women have bought into. Submission is “as Christ submitted to the church.” He was an example of true submission. I believe submission is simply the act of having a servants heart. When I act as a servant, I feel happy and at peace because I am living within God’s will and putting the needs of others first. This does not mean I have no value . . . it simply means I want to show those I love how much I value them. If more and more of us took on the challenge of Titus 2, how different our lives would be . . . it could change the world. Thank you for your great reminder. ♥

  5. Jennifer says

    Oh Courtney this post disappoints me. I read your blog because usually you are so respectful and thoughtful, and I have to give you credit for maintaining that tone here. But you really have no idea what feminism is, or at least you have no understanding of how much diversity is within it. I’m sure some types and styles of feminism are incompatible with your beliefs, but it is simply uninformed to claim/assume feminism is monolithic. A good example is how many people identify with a political party, but within each party people have a wide variety of beliefs and opinions. You have created a straw man argument that is based in a lack of understanding. I have a feeling your education (formal and informal) did not include feminist theory in any meaningful way and that is totally fine (although I think you’re missing out!) but do not pretend to understand a complex body of knowledge if you haven’t given it it’s due diligence. This is the stuff of “culture wars” and it’s so unlike you to buy into it. Making such sweeping generalizations isn’t clarifying or helping anything.

    • Jamileh says

      Jennifer,
      As always when something like this comes up I am so very very curious. I’ve heard that feminism can mean many different things however growing up here in America feminism (from what I’ve seen and heard) is synonymous with bra burning, women in the work force, women wanting to earn more in the work force, women performing/doing/being better than men (competition), etc. Can you please share what it is that you know about feminism. It’s one thing to say that Courtney (and maybe others) have no understanding of feminism and quite another to share/enlighten/educate others as to what you know and/or have learned about feminism.

      • Jennifer says

        Jamileh, you missed my point. Feminism is way too varied and complicated to explain in one comment on a blog. It is the subject of entire college courses and hundreds of books. It’s also not monolithic and there’s no one “right” definition or set of beliefs. If you are genuinely interested, take one of those affordable mass online classes and check out some books. You can’t expect someone to explain an entire body of thought in a blog comment.

        • Jamileh says

          Jennifer,
          If you read my comment below you will see that I didn’t miss your point. I understand that feminism means something different to everyone that’s why there is no ‘right’ definition. Perception is everything. Maybe I should’ve asked what feminism means to you. Although I am sure the history of feminism in our country is vast and interesting, I don’t see myself spending that kind of money to school myself in that particular area.

          • Jennifer says

            Since there is a wide diversity within modern feminism, not all reading/learning on the topic is historical.

    • says

      The feminist movement came in three distinct waves. The original feminist movement – what we now know as suffrage – had good intentions and allowed women equal rights of citizenship. The second wave of feminism came after WWII, when, in the absence of men, women began joining the workforce and leaving their families to earn a wage. Necessity gave way to preference, and working women became more of a norm. The third wave accompanied the Sexual Revolution, and it is THIS wave that is most influential today. It is one thing to say that we want women to be honored, respected, and valued; it is another to link arms with a secular movement. The feminist movement is entirely secular, is not supportive of the biblical model of the family (see abortion, biblical roles in marriage, birth control), and in many ways contradicts what God designed. God’s model is the most protective model for women, and Jesus was the best advocate for women’s rights – he continually interacted with, elevated, and valued the women around him in a society that completely devalued women.

      Courtney’s treatment of the modern feminism movement is very accurate. She’s not negating the need for female equality – but equality does not mean sameness. It means equal value, different roles.

        • says

          Jennifer,

          Check out Lori Alexander and Courtney’s comments below. They can provide more on this point. Feminism is indeed very diverse, which I illustrated in my comment, and there actually are ‘right’ definitions and sets of beliefs within the feminist movement, just as there are ‘wrong’ ones.

          • Jamileh says

            Phylicia,
            Thank you for your comment. I was aware of the first 2 ‘waves’ but wasn’t really aware of the last one. You’re right feminism isn’t a biblical concept especially when it has become SO distorted and abused in certain ways.

          • Jennifer says

            Arguing with you about whether or not there is one “right” definition of feminism is pointless so I won’t waste my time or yours, but please know that the majority of feminist theorists and teachers/professors I’ve read/known who have extensive knowledge of this subject would disagree with you. Lori nor Courtney have any meaningful knowledge of feminism besides their assumptions about it and criticism of it. You are welcome to pretend otherwise.

          • Jamileh says

            Jennifer,
            No argument here. I don’t think Courtney meant this post to be an all inclusive view/history of feminism. You’ve even said that feminism is a vast diverse subject that can’t be explained in a post so…..

  6. Haley Pullen says

    True feminism is simply the belief that women are equally important and valuable and should have the exact same rights – no more, no less – than men. How is this unbiblical? How is this not honoring men? Feminism does not deny me the right to serve and honor my God and my husband. Feminism is tackling real issues that perpetuate misogyny and oppression of women. I don’t understand why women of faith can’t get behind feminism. Imagine what Christ loving, feminist women (and men, for that matter) could do for women all over the world.

    • Jamileh says

      I think it’s hard for people (men or women) to get behind feminism because that very word can evoke very strong emotions…mostly negative. In our culture when feminism is spoken of it’s almost like down with men and up with women…women good, men bad…women superior, men are clueless apes….ug. You hear female celebrities talking about feminism a lot these days and it’s mostly something that’s so negative and such a put down to men. It’s really sad. If you tell someone you’re a feminist these are things that are brought to mind. Unless you have a chance to really sit and talk with that person about what feminism means to you, these are the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs they’ll be left with. It is what it is….an unfortunate circumstance of our society.

      • Megan says

        When people, especially Christians, hear the word feminism they often associate it with negative things [like elevating men of over women, being pro-choice, etc...]. When people hear the word Christian they can often associate is with negative things [like hating gay people, being hypocritical and close minded] BUT like Haley said those negative stereotypes are not true feminism, just as negative stereotypes about Christianity is not true Christianity. These negative stereotypes don’t stop me from identifying as a Christian because I want to fight those stereotypes every chance I get. Same goes for identifying as a feminist. I’m a feminist who is pro-life, believes in submission and service, and would love the privilege of staying home with my kids one day, but I also believe that women and man are equal, hold the same value, and I want to fight for them to also hold the same rights.

  7. Kirsten says

    I wouldn’t call myself a Christian feminist, but I do believe many women take this passage and use it to distort God’s view of women (equal before the Lord, different roles in society). My husband and I both work…he in a job he loves and me owning a (glory to God) successful business that I started before we met. We don’t have children yet, but we have a very close marriage. He supports me and the way God has created me to be (strong-willed, leader) and I support him wholeheartedly. We are a team, first and foremost and we both submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Our marriage is a powerful testimony to other people. My husband is very confident and he knows that I would wither if I was not able to freely use my gifts. We make decisions together, and I can count on one hand the times where he has “pulled rank” and made an ultimately wise decision that I wasn’t first on board with.

    See, I can be a Titus 2 woman and also someone who works outside of the home. I can be a strong Christ- following woman who loves and respects my husband, who is kind, a peacemaker, and not a slanderer. I can keep our home ordered and have a job at the same time. And, I can freely use the gifts God has given me to build His kingdom. I don’t know for sure, but I can’t imagine Courtney was trying to be polarizing in her post to mean that you can only be one or the other. It seems like she was just pointing us to the Word.

    I think the key, ladies, is that we are following God and listening to His voice and His word. There are many kinds of gifts, but the same Lord. My life isn’t going to look like your life, but we can all live and work together as the body of Christ.

    • says

      Yes – thank you Kirsten for sharing this! You are a beautiful example of living this out and you are right on point. This passage does NOT forbid women to earn an income. The Proverbs 31 woman and Lydia both in scripture were known for the products they created and sold outside the home. The key is to value what God values and in this passage – he values the work of the woman in the home. And in the feminist culture – I see the work of the woman in the home as undervalued.

      As I always say, all of our puzzles are different – there are no cookie-cuttered homes or a “one size fits all” approach to living. A Godly Christian home can look a thousand different ways. Our puzzles may look different but our principles from God’s word should be the same.

      Thank you for your comment.
      Courtney

      • says

        I loved this post Courtney. I know it can be hard for a lot of women to hear- but what I am hearing you say is that our role in the family is SO VALUABLE!

        The women’s movement of the 1960’s was a way for women who were going through severe oppression- oppression that would not be pleasing to God. Oppression that still goes on and breaks my heart and is a totally different topic of conversation…. A sisterhood developed to help women who were battered and raped. The 1970’s caused a lot of gender bias and the 1980’s gave birth to an actual “Feministic Therapy” . The second wave of feminism- liberal, cultural, radical and socialist. The third wave- embraced diversity with inclusion of multicultural, lesbians, and the postmodern and constructivists viewpoints.

        We can see here how the initial basis of feminism changed.

        Courtney, what I love about you is that you say that “there is no cookie-cutter” way to life. I commend you for what you are doing because perhaps one more mother will cook a meal for her children and family, one more wife will give her husband a hug when he gets home from work and one more grandmother will pass down a giant book of pictures to her grandchildren rejoicing in family memories. Women are precious and so additive whether they work or stay at home. Thank you for being so bold and loving!!!

        I love you!!!!! Nelle

  8. says

    Thank you so much for your continued boldness to walk in truth. These thoughts and verses aren’t poplar in this day and age, making it all the more important to continue to hold steadfast to God’s word and guidance. I appreciate your posts so very much, sister, and this one is no different.

  9. kashmir says

    You can be a feminist and a Godly woman and wife. Feminism is about equal rights for women. It is a movement based on respect, not religion. Furthermore, for you to assume the agenda of feminists is to undermine the Bible tells me you know little about Christianity, which teaches love and compassion; not judgement and even less about feminism, which encourages womens rights, including marriage and children if thats what the woman WANTS and CHOOSES. It’s okay to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and its okay to be a single, childless, career woman. It’s not okay to play trail mix and twist the Word of God for your own self- indulgent, silly, uninformed articles or to speak on and shame something you didnt take the time to research or understand. We are all children of God, why not focus on that?

    A Proud Christian Feminist

    • says

      Hi Kashmir,

      Thank you for clarifying what I was saying in the post – feminism “is a movement based on respect, not religion.” It is not a religious movement as you said – it is a worldly one – started in the garden of Eden – and that is why we need to be cautious.

      While I am all for women having equal rights and respect – I think we have to be careful in the church that we do not take it as far as the world goes – and that is to disrespect our husbands or deny the roles that God, our creator, has given us in scripture. (please reread the Titus 2:3-5 passage I am addressing in this blog post – it’s at the top of the post).

      Your response displays exactly what I am addressing in the article. I know this is counter- cultural or as you would say “silly – and uninformed” I believe the Bible to be God’s word and so I accept Titus 2:3-5 on faith rather than out of fear of being misunderstood and called names.

      In regards to you saying that I am twisting the word of God – if you would like to point that out I could clarify that as well.

      Lots of Love,
      Courtney – A humble Christ follower

      • kashmir says

        Feminism does not promote disrespect towards our husbands or denial of our roles God has provided. That’s the point i was making in saying you were uninformed. True feminism doesnt put down or frown upon traditional roles in the house hold for women it simply supports that we can hold value outside of that and that it’s okay.

        • Elizabeth M. says

          Feminism is not about choice. Not if the choice is to stay at home and be traditional.

          Simone De Beauvoir, Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem…reading their seminal texts makes it abundantly clear that they (and many other prominent feminists who shaped the movement as we know it today) were anti-housewife and anti-traditional family.

          • Christine C says

            How fortunate we are that feminism didn’t stop with Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem!

            As a feminist, I think it’s lovely when women make the choices that are best for themselves and their families. Many women choose to stay at home, and that’s okay. I know some stay-at-home dads, and that’s great, too!

    • Taylor P says

      My response to your very angry stereo typical feminist response is this… You’re comment here does not paint feminism in a good light. You’re anger & vehemence towards Courtney’s beautiful & uplifting blog post do not to show christian love, which is the very thing you’re demanding of her. I do not associate with feminism any longer. After getting maried, I got more involved with church & actually reading my bible. Living a Christ centered bible based life does not include undermining the bible or twisting it. Your comment does exactly that. On the other hand at no point did I feel Courtney was trying to portray anything other than love & enlightenment in her post. As another proud to be a christian woman, I must protect the biblical way of life & other christian women when they make an accurate stand based on sound doctrine. God has done a great work in my life. Showing me better friends & giving me true discernment when it comes to my life. When I open the bible words jump out at me it breathes life back into my days. Courtney is a fantastic woman of God. When we go out & try to undermine one of God’s people, doing His work we are in effect undermining God. No one can step into authority without God’s express consent. I see a strong woman of God doing her best for God’s kingdom & to His glory. Please don’t try to sway others she is doing evil when you have not been placed into the same type of authority by God.

      • kashmir says

        I don’t believe i was angry and my comment was to try to clarify the stereotype i feel she portrayed of feminists. I did not undermine or twist anything. I believe in a biblical life and in no way tried to accuse or sway anyone to think she was “doing evil” i was simply asking that she reconsider the labels she uses for others and the accusations made agau st them without being informed of what the meaning of the movement truly is. I have been placed into authority by God because i am his, saved by his blood, and anointed with his gifts and blessings. Ganging up on me to be hateful ladies, where’s that scripture? It’s okay. I’ll turn the other cheek.

        • Mary says

          “self indulgent, silly and uninformed”. Your own choice of words was pretty personal, derogatory and inflammatory.
          So far I haven’t seen a single fact in defense of feminism, just accusations of ignorance. If Courtney has really got it so wrong, then please educate us all! Or is it just that she’s speaking a confronting and inconvenient truth? The real problem you have is that the prominent 3rd wave feminists were totally Godless women. As such their philosophies could hardly be promoting Godliness.

  10. says

    Doing things for my husband, like laundry or fixing meals or picking things up, is not treating him like a child. I do those things for my children too, obviously. But that doesn’t mean those things are only for children. I kiss my children too, but kissing my husband doesn’t mean I’m treating him like a child.

    What it comes down to is that there is a certain amount of work that has to be done to make a household run. Laundry has to be done, food has to be cooked, dishes need washed, money must be earned, children must be clothed, etc. We both have to contribute by doing what we can. Because our children need care and I don’t want to outsource to someone else, I stay home and my husband brings home a paycheck. Because I am home, I have the time and opportunity to do most household chores like dishes and laundry for the family. It’s not at all treating my husband like a child to do the little things that keep things clean and orderly in the house. He contributes and I contribute. We’re both adults working to make the household run smoothly and get all the work done. We don’t do all the same things because having each of us specialize makes it more efficient.

  11. says

    I have it in my list to write a blog post on this. MacArthur states as you that Feminism is not new. It is regressive and put us in a pickle ever since!

  12. Emma says

    Thank you Courtney for boldly proclaiming these biblical truths.
    When we obey God’s Word and his design for biblical marriage and biblical femininity we will be truly blessed.
    The Worlds ways are not ours, neither do we want them to be. Proverbs 23:17 Ephesians 5:22
    We are called to be separate. (Set apart for God)
    Let’s together live this testimony out in our lives to The Glory of God.

  13. Tonia says

    The love of the feminist movement, when placed above loving God and loving others with kindness, gentleness and respect can be an idol, and this is sinful. To accuse a sister in Christ of not knowing what the Word of God says because she is speaking regarding a secular topic and showing us how to love and serve biblically is a serious accusation. Please, let’s be women who love one another deeply and cherish one another so to show a watching world that we are not of this world, but of Christ’s glorious kingdom. When a topic like this hits a nerve, the best thing to do is to pray and ask God to show you in His word what He has to say and then pray for a heart that is willing and ready to be changed and conformed into the image of Christ. To whom much is given (He has given us love), much is required (let’s give back His love). Trust in he Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge ahim and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

    • Taylor P says

      Oh I completely agree!
      2 Timothy 2:21
      “If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for evety good work.”

    • Ashley says

      Tonia,

      Wonderful response! Clearly you are filled with God’s love, I love the way you worded this :)

      Ashley

  14. Taylor says

    Thank you for this post Courtney. I’m reminded this morning as a wife who works full-time that my priorities should be in serving The Lord and my husband by being a good steward of the blessings He’s given me (my home and marriage). It’s easy to come home after a long day and want to just relax instead of taking care of my husband and family. God really does call us to live radically for His glory.

  15. says

    In one blog post you just out into words how I have been wanting to live for years, but never really knowing how. I am just settling into the role of stay-at-home-mom after leaving my job about a year ago. It has made such a huge difference for my family, but at first I really struggled with my value as a person because I didn’t receive a paycheck. I have come to realize that the rewards I receive every day are worth so much more than money. My family feels loved. My husband and I have been able to repair, restore and renew, a nearly dead marriage. We have truly see God take a test and turn it into our testimony!! Thank you for all you do Courtney! I know how tough it must be a times to place your heart for everyone to see and judge. I love the topics that you discuss and how easy you make the Biblical perceptive known! Thank You! Thank You!!

    • Ashley says

      Your testimony is such a wonderful testament of what the Lord can do when we obey with a submissive heart! I love it! Thanks for sharing :)

  16. Kristin says

    Courtney, I said a special prayer for you this morning because of the strength that you have had to do this series. I cannot imagine the opposition that you have probably received from some people but I pray that you will continue to share God’s Word and His ways so that women will open their Bibles and seek God’s ways and not simply go along with the way that the world is trying to tell us to live. God’s ways are not our ways. They are better and bring a sense of peace where our ways tend to bring chaos and anxiety. Thank you for digging deeper into these verses that help to guide women on their paths to care for their husbands and children well. I have seen first hand what a difference it makes to live God’s ways and serve my family first instead of seeking to serve myself first.

  17. Kelli says

    The more activities we become involved in, the more distractions we incur whether male or female. Many Christian women work outside the home out of necessity and I think very few believers actually have a problem with that. Everyone’s situation is different. However, most true “feminists” do not hold the woman who remains at home to care for her children and household in very high regard. That is a sad fact. The very term seems to glorify one sex over another which is probably why most men find the term offensive. Personally, I have worked outside the home for many years and also stayed at home when my children were young. When I stayed at home to care for my family, the women I knew who were most likely to consider themselves feminists were the most condemning. Try telling a true feminist “God first, family second, work third” and see what kind of complete dismissal or disdain you receive. God bless all who are trying to keep it in balance in accord with God’s word. Thanks for the reminder through scripture.

    • Christine C says

      It used to be true that many feminists looked down on stay at home moms and wives. But since the second wave, many feminists have had an about-face and realized that society puts less value on “caring” professions (moms, nurses, teachers, etc) because these are seen as feminine and inferior attributes. In reality, these professions are every bit as important as traditionally masculine ones. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a feminist today who thought that a woman was less of a person because she stayed home with her kids. In my social circles, I know some stay-at-home moms, a couple stay-at-home dads and many working parents. I think that they all have the right to make the choices that work best for them and their families.

  18. Marcia L. Jackson says

    Amen and AMEN Courtney! My husband and I have been together since I was 14. We joined the Marine Corps together when I was 17. He stayed in for 4 years and I stayed in for 7. My plan was to retire from the USMC, but God had other plans. In my 7th year I received unaccompanied orders to Okinawa; which meant that I would have to leave Reginald and our 1 year old son for a year. My husband would have been fine, but our son would not have known me when I returned home. It was necessary for me to reenlist to accept the orders and I chose not to reenlist. If I have not gotten out I would have been able to retire with full benefits at the age of 37. I picked being a wife and mom over the Marine Corps and I do not regret the decision at all. My first priority is to be a godly wife and mom. Our children are grown now and I am thankful for God’s providence. We will celebrate our 40th anniversary in January 2015. God is good!

    From reading your posts I am praying about starting a Titus 2 ministry at our church. Thank you so much for speaking God’s truth and wisdom.

    • lauryn says

      SEMPER FI!!! Thank you for your service.
      And such a beautiful testimony.

      -From the sister of a US Marine

  19. says

    Well said, Courtney! This is such an important thing for women in the church to know! Feminism creeps in and sadly misleads so many. I love taking care of my husband and in no way feel like less of a person, it is an important role I have been called to fill. Thanks for tackling a difficult and often uncomfortable topic.

  20. Liz says

    I really struggle with this topic. I am a stay at home mom. I have no issues with cooking, cleaning, etc for my entire family, including my husband. It’s my job in this season in life. However, I am educated and had a successful career before agreeing to stay at home. I have a hard time letting my husband take the lead on decisions, just because he is a man. I don’t understand why God sees his opinion as more worthy than mine, just because we have different anatomy. I do try to let me husband lead our family, but it is an internal struggle. Just recently, I tried to talk to my husband about how I felt he didn’t consider our family when making even small decisions. For example, I had a lot to do so he was watching out daughter one evening. She wasn’t feeling well (which is why I hadn’t gotten much done that day) and he wanted to take her for a walk in very hot weather because he wanted to walk. I asked him not to take her and he got upset. I know this sounds trivial but it is a small example of why I struggle.

    • Grace says

      Liz, some men take a long time to mature, to be wise and to follow God’s leading. It can be a real temptation to dominate at times when we clearly see they are in error. Been there. :) But I just want to encourage you that there are two things I did that turned the tide:

      1. I resolved to trust God to lead my husband and that I would do my utter best to do my part of what God asks of me.
      2. I began to consistently, SPECIFICALLY and often pray for my husband.

      My husband is a great guy. He’s just been slightly deaf to God at times. So I would pray that God would give him ears to hear. I’d pray that God would convict him wherever needed. I’d pray for whatever. But our prayers are hindered if we’re rebelling or cantankerous. So making sure I was in line with God’s commands for ME was huge. God is the head of the man. Getting out of God’s way concerning my husband was the best thing I ever did for my marriage.

    • says

      I honestly do not believe that God sees a wife’s opinion to be less than her husband. It’s just that one has to make a final decision, and God has called the husband to have that role. As wives we are called to be our husband’s “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18), and I believe a godly husband would be wise to consider the input of his wife. Just like the President of the United States has many advisors, but he is still ultimately the final decision maker.
      I think it’s easy for wives to be critical and point out flaws in our husbands’ decisions (I know I’ve been guilty of this as well). However, I’ve found with my husband the most effective way I can assist him is to compliment areas I see him doing well in (whether it’s about work, with the kids, etc.). He honestly wants to excel, and when he sees I appreciate things he does it encourages him to want to do more things that are good. (his “love language” is also verbal praise, so it’s extra important for me to say things I appreciate about him).

  21. anonymous says

    At this point in my life I honestly feel conflicted with what’s going on my husband has been having an affair and has been talking to a woman who he has previously had affair with. I find it hard to pick up after him, clean for him, cook for him and I do all of this.still out of love because I love it and have been doing this without any complaints but I find it hard to do now that he is not following God. Why should I continue to do these things when his actions show that he doesn’t love me. why can’t she do these things for him? I am severely confused and I’m willing to take any advice to anyone who offer that please help me

    • says

      Dear Anonymous – you need to go directly to a pastor or counselor and immediately take action. Your husband is breaking the marriage covenant and needs accountability. In the case of an affair, Jesus says in Matthew 19:9 that divorce is permissible. God is always for reconciliation so if he repents and you all can reconcile – that would be best. But God is not asking you to sit back and be taken advantage of. If you do not have anyone in your life to confide in and get help – please call Focus on the Family’s free counseling hotline at 1-800-(A-Family) or 1-800-232-6459.

      Lots of Love,
      Courtney

      • anonymous says

        Thank you so much Courtney, I received.all of my wisdom and advice.on how to run my household from you. I feel like a failure even though I know that he is at fault, mostly at.fault, I just still feel like I have failed as a wife.

        • Anonymous says

          I was researching feminism’s effect on the Church when I came across this. Not even sure it will be read at this point, but felt so strongly, I felt I needed to comment. From someone who is in the same shoes as you, please know I say this with all Christian love and compassion. There is NEVER a reason to divorce. The Matthew passage is used much in giving a “Biblical” grounds for divorce. Matthew was writing the book of Matthew towards the Jews and referring to the betrothal period. Your husband didn’t break your covenant–he violated it. Romans 7 (among other references) is a very clear passage how long your covenant is valid. There’s only one way it can be broken according to that passage. Most people usually have that in their marriage vows recited at their wedding.
          I am afraid feminism has affected the way the general Church counsels in this too.
          In my situation, I had very bad and conflicting advice from pastors and spiritual leaders. Praise God though, it caused me to seek Him and His truth with all I had.
          I will not be able to point my finger at ANY leader’s advice when I stand before His presence one day. I can only account for myself. I reccommend,”Till Death Do Us Part,” by Joseph Webb. Though, above all, seek Him and His Word!!! I knew I was just as responsible for honoring my vows as much as my husband. Not easy for most to swallow, but God will NEVER leave you or forsake you when you are surrendered and seeking Him.
          Do get help, but make sure their advice lines up completely with Scripture.
          God bless.

    • Marilyn C. says

      Dear Anonymous,

      I found myself in a similar situation in January 2012. I was shocked and devastated. I struggled thinking maybe if I was prettier or a better wife that he surely he wouldn’t have done what he did. I found James Dobson’s “Love must be tough” to be the most helpful book on the subject. Do yourself a favor and read it. It really changed my whole perspective and saved my marriage. I know during this time I had different verses floating through my head… verses taken out of context meaning things they were never suppose to mean.I had a way of taking it to an unhealthy extreme. For instance, the “wives must submit to their husband” verse somehow made me think that I was somehow suppose to not stand up and put my foot down. The bible also says to submit to one another.

      On another sidenote my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore after the truth of cheating came out. I think this is common because the spouse needs to rationalize their behavior. It makes them feel better about what they did.

      The husband may be the head of the household, but you are equally important. You may have different roles but God still loves you just as much.

      • anonymous says

        Thank you for your wisdom Marilyn C. I will read that book but I do not believe it Will help. My husband has played too far into the.devils tricks and plans and he doesn’t even realize it. He is too far gone. Just like the bible states, God can change anything and anyone but the heart must be willing, plus his actions show me he doesn’t love me. Please don’t take offense when I say this but I sm black and he stated that he wanted a “white wife” because he believes that white women will do anything.including believe their husbands lies. Even if the other woman is.texting.or.calling him in her face, he believes a White wife will.just accept it. I’m so tired of feeling.unloved… I know we both have issues in ourselves but I believe this runs deeper and our marriage ending is not my fault. For 10 years I believed everything was my fault.

        • Jamileh says

          Anonymous,
          My heart truly goes out to you and I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve watched my mother (who is middles eastern) live in a loveless marriage full of hate for 41 years now. My dad continues to have one affair after the other and rubbing it in her face. When us kids were still at home he use to bring his girlfriends to the house. One of them lived with us for a time. My mom always looked the other way and to this day never divorced because she says God hates divorce and HE loves forgiveness. While this may be true God would never expect her to stay as she has. I can see how the years of stress and grief have aged her. I can see how the years of being unloved have made her incredibly sad and distant. To this day my dad will tell her he wished he had married a white woman because they know how to call it quits and move on when they’re not wanted. It’s been such a horrible thing for my siblings and I to witness over the years. Please don’t let this happen to you. Pray for guidance and strength. Find a trusted Godly friend, counselor, pastor, and or family member for love and support. Stay strong and invest much needed time in your healing. God will watch over you as HE is at this very moment. You’re right, it’s a heart issue that can only be changed by God. Right now you have to take steps to protect yourself and begin the healing process. You are forever in my prayers dear sister!
          Love, Hugs and Blessings to you!
          Jamileh

          • anonymous says

            Thank you for your advice. I just don’t understand how he cannot understand how I’m feeling and see what he is doing is hurting me and our family

          • Jamileh says

            When your in sin your blinded to everything around you. It’s like you’re SO consumed with the sin you’re in that you can’t hear or see truth. It’s a condition of the heart….sin has taken root there. I pray that God will watch over you, guide you and comfort you during this time. Find your joy and peace in Him. Much love dear sister!! Blessings!

  22. says

    When I read the title of your post “What Feminism has done to the church” my first thought was “cause division….”

    I am praying that God will open eyes to His truth and soften hearts to His will. Whatever that is for each one’s particular circumstance.

    The first time I served my husband watermelon (before seedless watermelons were popular) he looked at me with disbelief and asked why there were seeds. Newly married, I was shocked to hear that his mother had picked the seeds out for him. How spoiled, I thought! A few years later, and more mature, I began to see what it was…picking out his seeds was a way that she showed her love for him. He appreciated it and she did it willingly.

    Just as you show love to your husband by hanging his pants. :)

    Stand firm in your calling and the words God has given you to share!

  23. Barbara Prince says

    Where were you 40 years ago Courtney?! I could have use such wisdom at that time. I married a very demanded man. Most of the time I was a “stay at home” wife and mother, but in the 60’s and 70’s when I would admit that most women were look at me and say “Oh, you don’t work?” or something to that effect. So, I’d try working and running the home which was not possible for me to do right. My children were out of school before I ever reach a place of being comfortable with the “me” God had made. Oh, by the way, we had our 48th anniversary this year. We made it through all that rocky stuff that life threw our way. My God saw us through it all!

    Ladies, if you are wise, please listen to this very godly, very Biblical advice from Courtney. Blessings to all of you dear sisters.

  24. Glaphre says

    Thank you for speaking the truth from the Bible. I thank the Lord for you and your stand. Women would be happier if they followed the instructions given by God. He made us and knows all about us. I pray God continues to inspire you as you continue to write your blog. Thank you. May God bless you and your family.

  25. Marilyn C. says

    Too be honest I am disappointed by this post because it does not give any context to this verse. I think it can be dangerous to take one verse without examining the author, audience and what was going on at the time. I believe this letter was addressing specific problems to the church. I think it is essential to understand the culture at the time this was written and why this was said. Women can work outside the home as we see in Proverbs 31(selling merchant clothing, real estate investing and so forth). All Christians should live above reproach, including men and women. We need to submit to either (E P H 5:21). Feminism takes on multiple meanings to different people. The church has abused specific verses in this area and I believe it has caused more hurt in Christian women going after God for their divine calling. Should God come first? Yes. Then family. It’s this the case for only women… No.

  26. Jamileh says

    The way I look at it is this. There shouldn’t be any kind of ranking system when it comes to God and family. You have your life and all that it entails, family, work, school, various activities, bible study, etc……God should encompass ALL that we do….ALL that our lives entail…God encompasses ALL!!:))

  27. says

    Thank you for sharing this post! When asked, my brother will tell people he would like a wife to be a homemaker, a woman who will take care of him and eventually their children. He gets a lot of flack for that, but he then tells them that his mom was a homemaker managing her household, and that each of his three sisters are stay at home moms….then they take it a little easier on him. My mom was and is such a great example of a Titus 2 Woman, and I hope my children will see that in me one day as well.

  28. Emma says

    Ephesians 5:22-26
    In the following verses here we have ‘godly’ equality set out for both husband and wife in their God given roles. True women of God will respect their husbands leadership, and true men of God will love their wives as Christ loves the church. Godly submission on both husband and wife’s part brings ‘freedom.’

    It is so sad that people have fallen for the deception of feminism especially amongst christians.
    I am saying this in kindness, and out of love, I don’t think feminism has brought in the true sense of the word equality and freedom, but rebellion against God. I know folks aren’t going to agree with me, and that is fine. Only God can reveal these things to us if we ask Him.

    At the opposite end of the scale we have Male sexism/ chauvinism which I suppose is where the idea of feminism and fighting for women’s rights came into being. In the 1960’s – the Victorian era was pretty rife with chauvinism and women being oppressed – I am all for both sexes being respected, and treated equal, but I wouldn’t want to call myself a feminist. And if the Word of God is adhered to we are all treated equal and respectful in Christ. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34)
    I don’t really think as christians we should attach ourselves with any such labels that have negative connotations.

    Both sexists and feminists are equally as bad, and usually taken to the extreme. both are in opposition to God’s Word.

    As you draw out from Titus 2:5 courtney that the Word of a God be not reviled or blasphemed – A.V rendering. And Proverbs 14:1

    At the end the day I send my report into God, and will be held accountable only to Him

    God bless!

    I want to say this both respectfully and kindly, before God and men and women and standing by my christian beliefs because at the end of the day he is the one I will report to.

  29. Corinne G. says

    Oh Courtney, how very disappointing this post has been. Thank you so much for perpetuating the “mommy wars.” How often stay-at-home Christian women try to wield Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 at women who work outside the home just to justify their limitations.

    Please identify a single place in the bible that suggests that women should not work outside of the home. The Proverbs 31 woman is in management, sales, real estate and manufacturing – all outside the home and she is virtuous and capable. Yet she is not a feminist. All of her work, as well as that of those who work outside of the home (and also within the home) is done for the benefit of the family.

    I would have to ask the question to many of the women who have posted here, are you certain that there isn’t MORE that you could or should be doing to contribute to your family/ household and optimize your God given gifts for your family? I know it’s hard to hear, but is it possible that you are limiting yourselves under the guise of ‘biblical truths’ when in reality perhaps your wish to stay home and do nothing more may be more self-serving? Aren’t there so many ways to show God’s glory?

    • says

      Hi Corrine – this post is a part of a series (actually it’s the conclusion) so I’m assuming you missed the previous post where I talked about how scripture never forbids women to make an income. So I think you are off point on your comment…

      http://womenlivingwell.org/2014/06/5-radical-qualities-young-women-should-pursue-2/

      As I said – since the garden of Eden women have been struggling with the philosophies of feminism (they just weren’t called that yet). We all need to guard against deception, know God’s word and obey it in our homes.

      Grace and peace.
      Courtney

      • Corinne G. says

        Cortney,

        I feel that my comment was on point. When you say “But the Bible flip flops this completely and tells women in Titus 2 to love our husband and children and do work in our homes – not for a paycheck or man’s praise but for a more important reason…that the word of God not be reviled” you certainly insinuate that they are both mutually exclusive and that work outside the home somehow prevents or minimizes our ability to love (and serve) our husbands and children and work in our homes. My point is that in many cases, working outside the home allows us to do just the opposite, and bring Him glory and honor.

        Do you believe that working outside of the home is feministic? Or that doing so dishonors God? Or lessens or devalues a woman’s ability to love and care for our homes and family?

        Fortunately, after reading so many disparaging comments written by Christian women that support their own lifestyles (of staying home) and in turn made others feel that they were living outside of biblical values that I combed through the bible to better understand exactly what the word of God said on the subject. I realized then how many of these same women preached Proverbs 31 and the like but glossed over the true biblical point that this woman did, in fact, work extensively outside the home and did whatever was necessary to benefit her family in God’s honor. As I said before, she is definitely not a feminist. She is the goal I’ve set for myself. There are women posting here weeping and wishing and praying to not work outside the home and many have been made to feel inferior because of comments such as yours. I know because for the longest time I was one of them. I’m so blessed that God showed me his truth. This is not feminism. Nor is this counter-cultural. This is loving and serving the way the Bible has called us to.

        Please be conscious of how your comments affect others.

        Peace and blessings.
        Corinne

        • Jamileh says

          Corinne,
          I don’t think Courtney has ever said that working outside the home is wrong. I know she has said that every home is different and there is no cookie cutter approach to our roles as women in and outside the home. Every situation is different and every woman will read and understand Titus 2, Proverbs 31 and many other scriptures differently and then apply it to their lives. No can say how each and every woman should run her home or whether or not she should work outside the home. God has made us all very different and unique with different and unique talents and gifts. No one should ever judge another for the choices that we’ve made. I don’t think anyone here is trying to purposely make others feel less important or inferior for not working/serving inside the home. I truly appreciate Courtney’s enthusiasm for God and serving her family. It’s something that is very much needed in today’s world. I get a lot more negative comments about being a stay at home homeschooling mom than I do positive comments. I’ve even been made fun of for homeschooling even though I have no college education. I’ve had people make snide comments about being bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen (I only have 4 children) and other such unsolicited comments. When I meet people and they ask what I do I cringe inside because half the time people don’t understand and make these (and other) comments out of complete ignorance and inexperience. I can truly and whole heartedly say…I love God, I love my husband, I love my children and I am beyond blessed and happy to do what I do every single day of my life. Thank you Courtney for providing a place for ALL women to come and be encouraged to live well with God and our families. There aren’t enough of these places. God bless!

    • Jamileh says

      Corinne,
      It seems as though you’re insinuating that women who work and serve in the home are hiding behind the Bible and using the Bible to stay home and be lazy bums. Nothing could be further from the truth. Whether you work inside or outside the home I don’t believe any woman goes into that blindly hiding behind the Bible. There are many ways to show God’s glory however to say that stay at home moms have limitations is an unfair and inaccurate statement. To be a stay at home mom takes great courage, stamina, strength, out of the box thinking, etc. Being a stay at home mom has anything but limitations…..the sky is the limit when it comes to home making, raising children, etc. There are many stay at home moms who work from the home doing many things. I use to be a single mom so unfortunately I couldn’t be home with my children. It killed me! Since I was a little girl all I wanted to be was a wife and mother. I don’t think those aspirations limited me. Anyway, when I met the man of my dreams before we married he said he wanted me home with the children (whom he adopted shortly after marrying). I couldn’t have been happier to use my gifts and talents at home for God’s glory. Throughout the years when we’ve had financial struggles I’ve had a few part time jobs outside the home. My husband and I worked it so he or I would always be home with the children and there would be no sitter. As things stand right now I am home full time, I homeschool our children and am very happy in my ‘limited’ God given roll. Working outside the home isn’t a choice everyone makes. It truly is possible to be happy working and serving within the home. I truly feel God created me for such a purpose. If I wanted to work outside the home right now I couldn’t. I’ve been sick for almost 3 yrs now and the doctors can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong. Working outside the home would be more than I could physically handle so I guess I am limited and doomed to stay in the wonderful job God has given me!
      Stay at home moms aren’t just hermits in their homes, we are a part of the communities in which we live. For example, my youngest son is a part of FFA, an RC Club, he attends a self defense class twice a week, and he takes violin lessons. My other son volunteers at the library, is a part of the homeschool yearbook staff, has joined a civil war living history group and attends a self defense class twice a week. We use our talents and gifts to show God’s glory within the community just as much as in the home. We allow our light to shine no matter where we are or what we’re doing. I see NO limitations there! Quick question…how is staying home self serving?

  30. says

    Maybe someone has already mentioned this but it strikes me that picking up after my husband is not something I want to do but something I can do to serve him. If it were my children (who are at home with me) I would not pick up after them but instruct them to pick up after themselves. So my husband is not treated as a child unless I tell him to pick up his own laundry and make his own bed as I tell my children to do. I can’t say I’m perfect at this but it is my goal to “train up” my children so cleaning for them what they are capable of cleaning themselves (with our without my help) is a disservice to them, but cleaning up after my husband is a service to the happiness and good flow of our family life.

  31. says

    Hello Courtney. I have been popping in here for some time now. I have even left comments from time to time. These posts in which you point out scripture and explain how you live it out in your home is an encouragement to me. I was raised by a single mother who worked a lot and played hard when she squeezed in the time to do so. I came to know Christ as my savior with the help of the volonteers involved in an AWANA program and have been walking and growing in the ways of the Lord ever since. I think I was in my first year of fourth grade. Growing up in this way, single parent home, latch key kids, going to baby sitters, and going to public school for most of my education, growing up very much what was called a “tom-boy” loving trees and adventure more than books it may seem odd to my mom and sister where I am today. I am happily married to the man God introduced me to when I was fifteen, we have been married for fifteen years now and have two amazing chileren. I wear a head covering – long path to this one but to keep this extremely short *smile* it’s for the angles -, normally t-shirts due to the high color that I really like, and long skirts with light weight pants underneath thereby giving me descreet cover with great pockets (I make the skirst from a very easy pattern) and don’t faint now, we homeschool. *big smile* Rather than just listening to what others have to say I am learning to watch what they say. So much is said in our actions that I tend to watch how people beahive or how their children behaive to see what is really important to the adults. It’s a different way to live, but I am finding that I am not getting let down by people nearly as much as I once did. We live what we believe and if we are not then the changes in our lives really immulate what our goal is.
    Being busy in the home has many seasons as we grow and our families grow. I love to keep home – except for dusting that needs to be done quite often in our area – even cleaning the toilets is nice as I can see an easy project from start to finish and get my satisfaction in a job well done. *smile* I am teaching our children to clean their rooms, sort and fold laundry, clean up behind themselves, and cook and clean in the kitchen but I find so much joy in doing these things for my family that I really have to plan it into my rutine. *smile* My husband is a blessing to me in that if he sees something that needs to be done, he will pitch in. When our growing blessings were babies my husband did the chore he doesn’t really like at all – dishes – and it blessed my socks off! *big smile* When we find ways that are easy for us to do to be a help to our husbands we should do them without fuss rather with joy in our hearts that we get to help them in som tangable way. *smile* That’s how it works for me at any rate. *smile* Thank you for making the time to put these posts together. I really appriciate it. Sincerely, Mommy of two growing blessings & so much more!

  32. Keri says

    I don’t believe that feminism and loving and serving our husbands and families need to be mutually exclusive. The definition of feminism according to Miriam-Webster dictionary is “the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.” I am a proud feminist (I believe men and women should have equal rights and opportunities), and I am also a proud stay at home mom who takes care of all of the housework, cooking, laundry etc for my husband and family. I will also admit that I am NOT a Christian, so my motive for serving my family is not because it is what God and the bible tell me to do. I do it because I truly love it, I love taking care of my family and providing a comfortable and welcoming home for them, knowing that they have clean clothes to wear, healthy meals on the table, love and support at all times and a welcoming home within which they can relax. I don’t know that anyone would argue against men and women having equal rights and opportunities – they are just that, rights and “opportunities” (whether or not we engage in them)- we as women have the opportunity to work outside the home if we so desire, to (theoretically) earn equal pay as men, to vote in elections in the USA – and for this we have to thank the feminist movement. Some of the values of certain feminists in the feminist movement may not mesh with your (or my) beliefs about the dignity and value in women serving their families at home, but that is not a reason to dismiss feminism as a whole, or to set up ‘feminists’ and ‘christian women’ or ‘stay at home mothers and wives’ against each other. It is unnecessary to create these divisions among women. I read your blog (and will continue to do so) not because I am a Christian woman who is not a feminist (I am, as mentioned above, a feminist who is not a Christian) but because I too am a stay at home mother/wife and I admire the love you bring to caring for your family and honoring women’s activities and duties in the home. I admit I am disappointed to see this blog post because I feel it brings division and separation among women when that is not necessary. I believe that it is better to come together than to blame one another for the problems in the world or in our society.

  33. R.s. says

    Courtney,
    I really appreciate your boldness and integrity in posting on this topic. I truly struggle daily with this more than ive even realized until more recently. I am a school teacher of students with very severe special needs. This is what I believe he Lord has placed as a deep passion in my heart ever since I was a young girl. Due to this passion I love my job and since I’m fairly new to it I put in very long hours at work. I married only a year ago and find the balance between work, home, and church very taxing on me in almost every way possible. I feel torn in a million directions. By the time I get home I am too tired and emotionally and mentally drained to do anything. I want to love my husband by making dinner and doing household duties as I feel the responsibility. Often he has already eaten dinner by the time I get home. I work very hard to do my job well and to do it as unto the Lord. I don’t feel I can go part time or even stop working as I am the one getting paid benefits for the both of us. Anyways, long story short, I would like to reiterate your point of the influence of the world seeping in to christian women’s decissions. Females are pressured (or at least I felt I was) to go to college and get a career. (Heaven forbid you look for a man while you’re too young). I have grown up in the church and my mom stayed at home my entire life. Even still o felt pressured to form a career and pour myself into that. I chose teaching because I have a passion for my students and I also figured it would support the similar hours of children if I have them in the future. I think that it is the church’s responsibility to address this message and help women process the discussions that need to be made and I don’t feel like that is being done. So I applaud you and appreciate your boldness to speak on this topic.
    I will be praying for decisions I may need to make as well as your continued ministry.
    Thank you and many blessings,
    R.S

    • Stefanie says

      Hi R.S. I relate to your situation. I am also a teacher and I find it incredibly difficult to manage my school responsibilities with my personal life. I work so hard at school and I always have work to bring home at night and on the weekends. My husband also works full time, so we share household responsibilities 50/50. I would love to be able to stay at home to be a housewife but with student loan debt and medical bills, it is not possible for us. I often feel inadequate and jealous when I read Courtney’s posts. I would love to put my husband first and serve him like she does, but I have 35 students and teaching takes up 70+ hours of my week. I think I need to find encouragement from a Christian blog about women who work outside the home, as that is definitely the majority in America. I need prayer to find a better balance between serving my students and being the best teacher I can be, while also serving and loving my husband.

  34. JoLynnH says

    Courtney, I am so grateful for your bravery in taking on what is NOT an easy topic to discuss in this world. I agree wholeheartedly with your post and the entire Radical Women series. Prayers for continued “eye opening” for all people that we may truly begin to understand and appreciate God’s design for our lives in this world and not make it seem anything less than gloriously holy.

    Lately, I’ve been more aware of how much our culture truly believes that a life well-lived would be filled with happiness, and ease and less hardship or heartbreak. Why do we think this? Why do we want that? We tell ourselves that “hardships make us stronger” and that “we’re better for it” so why do we try to avoid ever experiencing them or at desire never to experience them? Don’t get me wrong, I am not hoping for a life filled with hardship and heartbreak for myself or anyone else but I’m also not EXPECTING that my or anyone else’s life will be without either that my life is not a good life when those experiences are present. A mindset shift is desperately needed in our culture. Off of ourselves and uber-happiness and ease and toward giving of self and peace of mind instead.

  35. Candy Burdine says

    For some reason my WLW e-mails had been going to my spam folder and I just got them and was EXCITED to see this!! I have LONG felt that the moral decline of this country began with the “women’s lib-feminist-burn the bra” movement. I mean, look at our country’s morals and value systems before the feminist movement began. Mom was home with the children, teaching them values and respect, giving them the guidance, love and affection they needed – along with the discipline. SURE the wife and the husband “shared” the “chores”. The husband worked all day to provide for his family and, in turn, the wife worked all day to “provide” for her husband. They each provided a stability. I’ve always said, it takes a head and a heart to make a good home. While the husband is the head, the wife is the heart. Just like our physical bodies – the head and the heart depend on each other…it takes both of them to function the rest of the body. If we get a head injury and our brain is damaged to the point of no longer working – then our heart cannot beat. Same with the heart. If our heart is damaged, providing the necessary blood flow to our brain, our brain cannot function. When we try to have two “heads” in the household – where is the heart??? I fully believe and will stand in this belief until my last breath, that when the feminists increased the income of the home – guess what happened? Increase in income – means increase in cost of living. Simple supply and demand – in reverse. Increased income in the home was supplied – and therefore increased cost was demanded. Greed and a desire to “keep up with the Joneses” made it virtually impossible for most women to stay at home and simply be the heart. My mother was a single mom with my father having left when I was very young. She HAD to work. I stayed with my grandmother – who was LITERALLY a “Proverbs 31 Woman”. She was up before the sun – bacon frying, biscuits baking, she dusted, vacuumed, not only did she do the laundry – she laid out my grandfather’s clothes (lol, even combed his hair – lol…they were SO CUTE!!). I remember seeing her doing all these things – AND, in the spring, summer and fall, you throw in tending the garden, canning and freezing. And I DISTINCTLY remember, shortly before my grandfather would get home from work, she would go in the bathroom, clean herself up, fix her hair, put on a little powder and lipstick and have supper in the process of being ready when he walked in the door (greeting him, of course, with a smile and a kiss). All of this while making sure I was taken care of, guided, loved and corrected when needed. SHE was what I wanted to grow up to be. For a long time in my previous marriage it was, literally, impossible. When I married the Godly man that I have now, I continued to work. Then, my former stepdaughter moved in with her baby (yes, we took in my ex-husband’s daughter and her baby), and she ended up leaving – and leaving the baby with us. My husband insists on my staying home and raising her. My dream “career” has come true :) . I realize now how my grandmother made it look so easy – lol. IT’S NOT – lol!! Especially now that Lizzy is TWO and into EVERYTHING (yesterday it was a can of paint…yes – not fun clean up!). When I see posts about equality come through my facebook feed – I CRINGE!!! I have always believed in the traditional, Biblical roles – and always will! It may even rile some of the people reading this now…lol. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve riled someone! LOL! However, it’s what’s been placed on MY heart. And I’m GRATEFUL and TRULY BLESSED to be living MY American dream with a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for his family (even at one point being willing to work two jobs – funny thing, though, the minute he expressed that willingness – a better paying job became available…hmmmmm, coincidence???? ;) ).

  36. Amanda Cross says

    I think what makes it hard for a lot of women to accept these kinds of examples are because their own husbands are not strong followers of Jesus or loving well. Also, a lot of husbands work, but do not involve themselves with the wife or children when they leave work. When I do not feel very loved by my husband is when it’s hardest to do sacrificial acts of love for him. When I feel very loved by him, I am willing to do the most menial things for him. I think that’s why we need to find our satisfaction in Jesus so we can love well no matter how we are feeling or treated.

  37. Michaela says

    Courtney,

    Thank you for staying the course. I am sure the harsh comments are troubling to your spirit, so maybe God can use this to encourage and give another ounce of peace.

    God’a ways are strange to the world, as Christians we are called to be a peculiar people. Well done for following your God guided heart and challenging those of us willing to listen.

    This series, as with others past, has allowed me the opportunity to focus on me, what I do in and out of my home (homeschooling mom of 3 kids 5 and under. While for me, outside the home at this point is not for a paying job, but for church and homeschool coop activities; no matter where a woman is she still must answer to God first. As wives and mothers our first ministry is to our husband and children.

    Let’s continue to be peculiar women who strive to obey God and worship Him in the way the bible tells us to.
    ***before anyone jumps on me – no I am NOT saying you cannot have a paying job outside the home. Read all of Courtney’s series please. She is presenting this in love. Love for God and love for us!

    Thank you Courtney.

  38. Stefanie says

    While I respect your opinion, I do not think feminism is to blame for the issues you claim are present in America today. If a woman has to work a full time job outside the home, why should she also have to work full time cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and taking care of kids. In 2014, there is no reason why these responsibilities should be shared equally. I think you pay women a disservice and it is dangerous to present your “housewife only” view to our daughters and sons. I considered myself to be a feminist and I also love Jesus. If you love serving your family at home, that doesn’t mean a women can’t serve her family by being the breadwinner or that a man can’t serve the family by being a homemaker. Sometimes you can’t do anything about the way the economy or other factors affect your family.

  39. says

    This part of your article “Many women go to work and do whatever their boss asks them to do. It’s interesting that these women are willing to do so much for a paycheck – yet so little for the man they make love to. Does the work of cooking, cleaning, rocking babies and teaching children only become valuable if we are paid to do it for someone else’s kids or home?” Spoke so deeply to my heart! I am so weary of explaining to people why I will submit to my fiancée, why I want to be home with our family. This nails biblical submission right on the head and I know this post will help bless me in defending God’s plan to others and why I am living how I am!

  40. Larry Grigsby says

    “Man is now thinking out a bible for himself; framing a religion in harmony with the development of liberal thought; constructing a worship on the principles of taste and culture; shaping a god to suit the expanding aspirations of the age.”–Horatius Bonar written in 1883

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