Waiting On God

“Waiting on God isn’t about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It’s part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn’t to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn’t simply about what I’ll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I’ll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He’s promised. Through the wait He’s changing me. By means of the wait He’s altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He’s causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands” (emphasis mine).
~Paul Tripp

{Quote from Girltalkhome.com}

Walk with the King,

Thriving In A Spiritually Mismatched Marriage


Deanna, answered: An unequally yoked marriage is a difficult path to walk. But I want to encourage you by saying that one can have a happy, fulfilling marriage with an unbelieving husband. You do not just have to survive your spiritually mismatched marriage, but you can actually thrive in the midst of it.

On November 14th, I (Deanna) celebrated 28 years of marriage with my beloved unbeliever. God has had to do a mighty work in my heart and I have come to know my Lord and Savior intimately as God has taught me how to be a godly wife to a man who had no interest in spiritual things. My life verse has been, “I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13)

As I reflect back over the years I would like to share with you some of the Pitfalls to having a marriage that thrives:

First, I had a “Holier Than Thou Attitude”. I esteemed myself above him because I was a Christian and he was not!! Oh my!!! God’s word says: Phil 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.”

Second, I had a judgmental attitude. I was often mentally critical of his actions and words. I felt since my husband did not seek God, how could he speak into my life! I used sarcasm as a weapon. I played the martyr and treated my marriage as a cross I must bear for being unequally yoked. I did not treat my husband with respect. Ephesians does not give us an option on respecting our husbands. It does not say “if he deserves it” or “if you feel like it”,” if he is a Christian or not”- just to respect our husbands- period! (Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”)


My focus was on my circumstances.

I focused on the negative attributes of my husband.


I
focused on my pain and heartache
I felt when I was sitting in the church pew alone…again. Looking around with envy at all the couples wishing my husband was next to me.

I focused on the burden of being the spiritual leader in my home. I focused on not having the spiritual under girding from him because sometimes moral support was not enough.

I focused on my children not having a godly dad. I focused on the weight of teaching and nurturing the spiritual upbringing of our children.

I focused on the pain and despair I felt when my teenage son decided not to go to church and his excuse was “Dad doesn’t, so neither am I”

I focused on the fear that would well up inside of me when I faced the reality that my husband may never accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. This fear fueled my tactics of manipulation and scheming in an attempt to get my husband to see his need of a Savior! Before I knew it, I felt responsible for his salvation!!!

I focused on my loneliness and spiritual isolation.

I focused on the deep, deep heartache of not being able to share anything spiritual with my husband. Yes, I could tell him how God answered prayer or how God’s word touched my heart, but he does not understand. (1 Corinthians 2:14)

I focused on the longing I had for the day we could worship and rejoice together over God’s blessings to us.

All these desires and strong emotions are valid and real, but my focus was wrong. My focus had to change from my circumstances to Jesus. I was tired of being miserable. I wanted that abundant life that I read about in the Bible. I began to cry out to God and asked Him to change my heart. I asked God to help me die to self and began to consciously choose to yield and be submissive to God. This allowed me take on a submissive attitude with my husband also.


I prayed for God to renew my love and passion for my husband. I prayed for God to show me how to respect my husband when I did not feel like it or feel he deserved it. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I was able to love and serve my husband with joy, placing his needs above my own. When I am feeling frustrated, lonely or angry I cry out to my Rock and Redeemer. In Christ I can be gentle and kind, desiring to be a blessing to my man. When I fail, I ask for forgiveness and try again. 1 John 1:9, Ps 116:1-2

So, how do you deal with a husband who doesn’t believe but you do? 1Peter 3: 1-4 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words, by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Abiding in Christ enables a believing wife to live with and thrive in a happy marriage with her unbelieving husband. It is about a daily, sometimes minute by minute laying down of selfish ways, forgiveness, not neglecting God’s word or quiet time with your Savior and being obedient to God’s word- and pray, pray, pray. (John 15)

Here are some practical ways to apply God’s word:

1. I am paraphrasing 1 Peter 3:1, Keep your lips zipped. Allow your actions to speak of God’s love. Wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit to use your words.

2. Read or study your bible, visit with Christian friends or teach your children godly principles when he is not around.

3. “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Cor 11:3 It is very important for your husband to know he comes BEFORE church activities and friends.

4. Take your frustration, anger, loneliness or hurt feelings to God first. Pour your heart out to Him and allow Christ to quiet your heart and heal your wounds. Then, if necessary, address the issue with your husband. (Ps 62:8)

For more encouragement, I recommend the book “Beloved Unbeliever” by Jo Berry

Do not give up hope. After 27 years of prayer my husband accepted Christ as his Savior!!!!!

~Deanna
Today’s post is a part of the “Put Your House In Order” Series. Please visit the ladies below for more on Parenting, Decorating, Cooking and Finances!Walk with the King!

Thank you to Tammy from Tammy Labuda Photography for her photos today. Tammy is a friend from my college days at the Moody Bible Institute. She is a Wedding and Lifestyle Portait Photographer based out of Dallas, Texas and she is willing to travel to you if you need a photographer. To see more of her portraits go to Tammy Labuda Photography or “Like” her Facebook page.

So I asked a friend and woman I admire – “How do you thrive in a spiritually mismatched marriage?

Our Family Went To New York City Last Weekend

Last weekend, I took the kids to see their daddy on a business trip 7 hours away in PA (really it was more like 10 with all the stops for the kids). Can I just say for the record – traveling alone with kids is hard. Even with the DVD player going and bags stuffed with toys, it’s hard. We weren’t able to leave our sin natures at home – so it wasn’t long before there was bickering in the back seat (I was wishing I had a candle to light in the car lol!).


So we arrived in far east Pennsylvania and we met my husband. From there we took a train to Penn Station, a taxi to Battery Park and a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. How grand she is!
Did I mention we waited in line for nearly 2 hours to catch the ferry? As an impatient American, that was not my favorite experience of the day! Did I mention there was a security check that made us feel like criminals? Did I mention how we were all squished on the ferry to the island?

From the Statue of Liberty we boarded the ferry to head to Ellis Island.
God had a life lesson in store for me!


My great grandfather came over on a boat from Hungary in the early 1900′s – so I stood where he stood. As I read the history of the horrific 1+month boat ride from Europe – to the land of opportunity – I was humbled. The pictures of the travelers squished onto the boat with the clothes on their back and nothing but hope packed in their hearts touched me.

Suddenly the 10 hour drive, train ride, taxi ride, long line, security check and ferry ride seemed minor compared to what my Great Grandpa went through to see Lady Liberty!
Great Grandpa came with a dream – to make life better for generations to come and there I stood – living out his dream. Could he have imagined how amazing his great granddaughter’s life would be – all because of his sacrifice? Thank you Lord for such a brave and visionary Grandpa!
His name is on the wall of Ellis Island – he is Jozsef M Degi. He left his wife behind to come and work and earn money to send for her. It took him TEN years to get the money to send for his wife – could you imagine? Her name is under his – Katalin Szasz Degi.
Their sacrifice is my reward.

As I looked at my overflowing trunk to come back to Ohio, I was humbled. I had more in my car for a 4 day weekend trip than my Great Grandpa had on the boat.

I want a piece of my Great Grandpa’s courage. I want his fortitude. I want his vision. I want his strength. I want his endurance. I want his diligence. I want his hope.

Psalm 145:4,5
“One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works.”

Tell your children how God has blessed your family and the people he has used to create your present. Tell the stories – let the next generation hear of God’s marvelous works, his grace, his love. See to it that your children are inspired to have courage and hope like those who have come before them.

Walk with the King!

How To Handle Disappointment In Marriage

Last Monday I wrote a post titled: Is the Grass Really Greener In Other Marriages? I included a larger version of this youtube video parody of Taylor Swift’s song Love Story. This video compares the dreams women have coming into marriage and the reality that it’s much harder than we ever imagined, especially when we add children into the equation. Some of you responded saying it made you sad or teary.

I think this video conjured up the emotion of disappointment. Maybe the difficulties of marriage and parenting has caught you by surprise and you struggle with that. You are not alone in your struggles, let me share with you about a time when I was deeply disappointed.

I remember our first beach vacation with the kids. My son was 3 and my daughter was 18 months. I assumed it would be a great getaway – but to my horror it was more work than being home. We stayed in a condo where I was cooking breakfast and lunch and our dinners out were stressful managing the kids.

On the beach, I was not able to sit down for a moment to relax, I was chasing my 18 month old as she cheerfully ran up the beach, stuck her head in the sand or ran into the ocean. I had brought a book to read but never cracked it open. Then a rainy day came and everyone looked at me to entertain them! I was like Mary Poppins all day trying to pull tricks out of my bag to keep the kids busy. I was exhausted at the end of vacation.

I remember standing at the washing machine in the condo folding clothes and feeling completely filled with disappointment. I told my husband, I wanted just one hour alone on the beach. So while the kids napped, I went to the ocean and just sat there and cried. I cried and talked to Jesus and told him how I felt – and then I sat there in peace enjoying the peaceful breeze and sound of the roaring waves. Releasing those tears in prayer and pausing to take in the moment helped my inner wars to quiet down and be at peace.

4 years later I wish I could talk to that sad girl on the beach and give her hope. I wish I could have hugged her and said – what you are feeling is normal. You are learning selflessness – you are experiencing growing pains. It’s going to be okay and some day you are going to laugh at the memories of this vacation. You are doing the right things. Don’t give up and don’t be discouraged. God sees you, he hears you and he loves you.

Here is How I have learned to handle disappointments:

1. Go straight to Jesus. It’s okay to cry to him. He cares – he loves you so. One of my favorite passages to go to when I’m in tears is I Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Girls – I have soaked pillows meditating on this verse! Cast your cares on him…do you see why? Because he truly deeply CARES FOR YOU! You are not alone! He hears you and loves you so!

2. Change your expectations. Now that you see that reality does not match up to fairy tales accept this truth. Turn from critical and negative thoughts and open your eyes wide to see the blessings that are in your life. Count your blessings one by one – literally get out a piece of paper and do this! I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

3. Allow your family trials and daily struggles to mature you. James 1:3,4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance MUST finish its work so that you may be mature and complete.”


4. Have hope – this isn’t the end of your story.
Step back and look at the big picture. What is God teaching you right now through your trials that will help you in the next season of life. Colossians 2:2 “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

And take heart that you are not alone – you have sisters in Christ who are in the trenches with you. Be strong – “do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9


Walk with the King!