I’m So Confused

 Last January I shared in a blog post about this production company that had contacted me to be in a reality show.  After they interviewed me 3 times, and then my dearest friends and sisters – their casting director flew to my hometown and met with us over an Italian dinner.  After she left, each girl recorded Skype interviews for a pilot and then the contract came. We (my husband and I)  got cold feet – or God gave us very unsettled spirits and we decided to walk away.  At the time it was a HUGE relief to have that whole 2 month saga resolved!  It was  a very confusing time for me as I tried to figure out God’s will.

Well shortly after I turned this non-Christian company down – a 2nd production company came along and they were Christians – hooray!  They were out of LA and they had some different ideas…we talked and dreamed a bit but we left it up in the air for the details to come together at a later date if God opened doors.

Then last month a 3rd production company contacted me – which I only slightly alluded to in this blog post here (at the very bottom I mention it) and I quickly said – “no thank you” in an email.

But then – while I was Disney World would you believe that a FOURTH production company emailed me and a bunch of my blogging friends!!!  While I was gone the other girls – which include (Angela, Janelle, Clare, Ruth and Darlene) did their phone interviews and they had moved on to their Skype interviews. 

So I came home from vacation to this very real opportunity blooming!!!  I waited 4 days to email the company back because I still was unsettled from the January experience.  But all my friends were moving forward and I felt the need to pay attention to this open door.  As a matter of fact, one friend said to me – “Courtney, when God keeps opening the same door over and over – maybe you should walk through it.”

So I called the production company and had my first interview and they pitched their concept.  This company had a different concept than the first – a mix of reality and talk.  After talking with my husband, the other bloggers and praying, I emailed the company and said I would not be going forward with the process. 

The next day the phone rang and it was the production company PLUS 2 executives of their company – all pitching to me their ideas, their company, they were listening to all my concerns and I laid out for them every issue I had…and they very genuinely said they would resolve every issue – including one specific issue being that I did not want to do any taping until 2013… I needed more time…and they were willing to wait on me.  Wow – they were rolling out the red carpet – how could I say no?  I had no reasons left!  They resolved EVERY single one!

I hung up the phone CONFUSED!  I mean head spinning – heart beating fast – God where are you and why are you making this SO hard to figure my way through this maze!  Is this you or is this not you God?  Is this a test or an open door – what in the world is all of this?  And why 4 times???

Well – I did make a decision but it’s not based on a whole lot…just my confusion…or the thought that if this was God’s will I would not feel so confused.  I begged God to speak – but faced a lot of silence this week.  My husband was okay with me going forward with the process but I sent an email last night telling them I’ve decided to not go forward.  Angela has been praying all week and seeking God’s will for her.  She sensed this was not in his plans for her and she was scheduled for her skype on Tuesday – it fell through, Wednesday- it fell through and then she was rescheduled for Friday morning and she woke up with pink eye – I personally think it was a sign to say “no” 🙂 So she is out also.  The other girls are going forward until God shows them clearly yes or no also.

 I have to admit I am frustrated…frustrated that I said no – thinking I was being faithful to God and his calling on my life to write and then they called back and offered me more…why did God allow that to happen and make me even more confused?  And then Angela got this beautiful clear sign – pink eye (sorry Ang I know that’s no fun to have but really it’s awesome to see how clear that was for her) and here I sit wondering – did I make the right decision?  

Okay – I know this is the wierdest blog post I may have ever written lol!  There’s no verses or any real teaching game plan here…just a girl telling her on-line friends about a crazy scenario that has confused her tremendously this week.  I hope I don’t regret this post – if I do – you will see it disappear lol!…but maybe – just maybe someone is out there tonight praying and asking God for guidance and they aren’t getting a clear cut answer.  I know what you are feeling – you can’t always pause life and wait for something clear cut…sometimes you have to make decisions based on what God has done in your life in the past and move forward in faith. 

I have to admit that I don’t feel great about my decision and that I honestly can’t say I’m 100% sure I made the right one – isn’t that wild that I’m that confused!  Well…I don’t even have anything profound to say to try to wrap up this post – I’m at a loss for words… I’m exhausted from this inner tug-of-war, I’ve been greatly humbled this week and if a 5th opportunity comes I might just take a leap lol! – yep those are the words of a conflicted girl aren’t they…

Walk with the King,


**Please note the updates to Angela’s story…I neglected to say that her first two attempts at skyping also fell through.  So after much prayer -(and sensing this was not God’s will for her), seeking her husband’s counsel and then the skype appointments falling through – she decided to not go forward.  After telling the production company “no” she has complete peace. 🙂



  1. A wise missionary told me recently, confusion is not from GOD. If you’re confused, don’t move!

    1. Sometimes I believe God is saying .. Take the step of faith , trust me , sometimes it’s our own fears holding us back and we are afraid , life is comfortable , good , why take a chance and sometimes God is testing us. I also believe God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think and he wants to give us the desires of our heart. If you never step out you never know , I believe he opens the door and gives us Godly favor only he can give , so if he has opened the door 4 times , I would walk through it and give it a try, he can always close it but you will never know until you take the step of faith . You are a daughter of the King , He’s got your back =) I’m just saying sometimes the whisper in our ear is the enemy…HE wants to hold us back so we cant touch the lives of others, I think God has given you the gift and it’s your to open for his glory =)

    2. Good morning. I just starting reading your blog and it’s such a blessing. I’m sure someone has already posted on the 1Cor 14 verse that tells us that God is not the author of confusion. Sometimes its hard to know if your hesitancy is coming from the enemy who wants to defeat you or from the Holy Spirit who loves you and wants to lead you in the path that follows Gods will. In the short time I have read your blog, it’s evident that you love the Lord and want to serve Him. Continue to seek His face and He will make His way clear to you. Lifting you up in the spirit of Jesus sweet love and joy……………..

    3. Thank you for this blog post! My husband recently went through this situation at work. He was offered a promotion two different times. Both times he felt very conflicted and confused. He felt like God was very silent during his decision making process. I remember him asking me, “Why would God keep opening this door if he did not want me to go through it?” He went through with the first offer, but later “professionally” backed out when it was revealed to him that he would be doing a ton of traveling. He was not willing to take that time away from being with his family! The second time, the offer was made, he was “wined and dined”, which just made the offer even more confusing. One man wanted him hired so bad that he even made an entire powerpoint presentation on why my husband was qualified for the position and why he wanted him in it so badly. He even presented this to the plant managers, then he proceeded to take my husband out to lunch after the interview! Thankfully, my hubby is a godly man, and God gave him a very restless heart about this job position. When my husband called to tell them that he would not be accepting the position, he was told that they were very disappointed in his decision and the man who created the powerpoint presentation on my husband, has not spoken to him since. That spoke volumes to my husband! These people were not out to promote him, something darker was going on that he may never know about! We can’t thank God enough! Although it is very frustrating when the signs from God are subtle, they are still there and he is still walking along with you if not carrying you through the situation!

    4. We have a rule in our home. If in doubt, DON’T!
      God is not one of chaos or confusion.
      If there is doubt, or a reason you are unsure, that comes from the Holy Spirit & you will never regret waiting or listening to that still, small voice saying DON’T!
      Continue on.

    5. If there is no peace about it, then God is not in it. Satan usese all kinds of “candy” to trick us, including seemingly “too good to be true” happenings. If it is a blessing from God then you will know it without any confusion because God is not going to confuse you. I believe you are being attacked…all of these offers that you do not have a peace about is distracting you from the God given ministries that you do have a peace about, those things that you know God has given you to do. God knows your heart and wants only the best for you. If it is meant for you then God will let you know without all the heart wrenching doubts and chaos. Chaos is a great sign that something is not right. Thank you so much for your blogs, you are such a blessing!

    6. I totally agree with Alina, if you are confused maybe just now isn’t the right time. Though I for one would be hooked! Maybe next year you will feel differently. x

  2. Hi Mrs.Courtney 🙂

    You are not alone. We have all experienced God’s silence but one thing is for certain, He is still speaking in it. When in doubt, the best answer is don’t. Be still and see that He is God. There is a reason why He has not allowed you to have peace about this. There is a reason.

  3. When making decisions God gives us freedom to choose. If your taping edifys God then it’s His will for you. Anything contrary is a justifiable no. Is it your hearts desire to do this taping if so move forward take a leap of faith and usr it to win more souls to Christ. Any means to give glory to God us always in His purpose and will for us..hope this helps be blessed

  4. You are in my prayers. It can be hard to make the right decision when you don’t know what’s right. So in cases like this you have to trust your gut. I’m sure you did what’s right. If God wants you to
    Proceed he will fill you will peace, not confusion. Keep up the amazing work you are doing here!

  5. oh sheesh! i’d be confused too! i’d be inclined to say no erpeatedly as well…knowing how these things usually tear a family apart. but how hard when it presents itself so much! praying for clarity of your mind and spirit!

  6. An open door does not mean it is one “YOU” should walk through. This may be a big break for the other sisters but maybe not for you. We have to be faithful to what God has us to do (individually)and when He moves there is provision, peace, and protection.

  7. Thanks for sharing your struggles, I have to make some serious decisions too in my marriage and it has been a long, hard road for many years for me. I too am taking a leap and trying something that I did not want to do in the past, long term separation for now and possible divorce later. I am seeing a counselor through this process and pray that my husband gets clean and sober for good and chooses what he knows is right, but for now I have to think about my sanity and safety for our three year old son. I am up late too because my mind just won’t stop and my insides feel like they are being ripped out, but God is giving me the strength moment by moment. Thank you for all you do in this ministry! I wish I could be in your group, I don’t have many close Christian friends, everyone is too busy. You are def doing the Lord’s work whether you are on a reality show or not and that is all that matters!!!!!
    Love in Christ,

    1. Ruth, I will be praying for you & your family as you walk your journey. May you feel Gods protection & peace as you go forth!!

  8. I’m up late tonight too because I’m getting ready to catch a plane but I just wanted you to know I’m praying for you. I firmly believe if you are saved, spirit-filled, submissive to authority and being sanctified you can follow the desires of your heart because your desires will be God’s desires and His will be yours. God will either give you what’s on your heart or change your desires to match His.

    I took that from John MacArthur so it’s not original but it’s been such an encouragement to me! I highly recommend this book he wrote. It’s under $5, it’s short and it’s life changing.


    Can’t wait to see how God continues to use you! Much love!

    1. That is really good advice – Kevin DeYoung’s Just Do Something and Peter Jensen’s Guidance and the Voice of God stand on similar views. It’s been so freeing for me to realise this – I don’t fret and worry about every decision anymore. Even the big choices I know that, if I pray about it, submit to my husband about it and am being godly in my motives etc, I can go ahead on whatever that is. Please Courtney, read those books, they’ll be so helpful! 🙂

  9. I really appreciate you writing this because I going through a similar situation, well as far as a VERY hard decision–that I feel is being forced upon or it never comes again-4 times in a row too! I think we need to look at the overall situation when these things come up. What are my priorities and why are they being presented–is this about me or this about him. I think Christian fame is a great tool for the kingdom–in fact my friend Ben got his billboard randomly shown on THE TODAY SHOW yesterday for his relator business and Ben has been getting signs from the Lord to start a church. Being a realtor and a church planter–that may seem ridiculous, if he was the only one speaking or running his business. Maybe it is time to reflect and reformat some of the things your doing for the Lord to make room for vision that the Lord may have for your future to see how you are to serve more by doing less, I will pray that you and your family see the vision to expand your ministry as a unit for him; may you know who to add on “servants” and friends for the Lord’s kindly kingdom. May you and your family be blessed.

  10. Hi, I will be praying for you to have HIS peace in this situation.

    A few years ago, I made a decision after many days of praying about something. God kept saying “Trust ME!” Trust ME!”. I had a BAD feeling not to do what I had been praying about. Then “I” twisted what God was saying to me & convinced myself that “Trust ME!” meant go ahead & do it….. NO “Trust ME!” MEANS TRUST HIM… Confusion usually means….”Trust HIM”

  11. I have had this feeling lately too. I am a stay at home mom and i facepainter. I have had a few issues with bookings and having to backout. I feel really bad when this happens and has even happend this weekend. BUT, i feel as though this may be a lesson in letting go, i cant control everything. this is a tough lesson. so my thoughts for you are that sometimes learning a tough lesson doesnt feel great in the process.

  12. 1 Corinthians 14:34 tells us that “…God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…” We have found in our own walk that when there is that much confusion surrounding an issue that it is best to just wait. When it’s God’s timing His peace will settle over the issue and you will know that you know that you know that it is from Him. I’m lifting you up in prayer, Courtney! <3

    1. I agree, even in the midst of stepping out in faith, I believe God gives us peace that we are in His will. I, too, am lifting you up that God would give you an answer because I know your heart is to be directly in His will! Blessings to you, Courtney!

  13. Here is my two cents in this post….hope it helps, & maybe it won’t…regardless I hope you find the peace you are seeking. ….I believe God gives us opportunities to act for ourselves & one of those is using our intellect & decision making abilities. He won’t make the decision for us, we need to make the decision & then pray to know through our liberty of choice, if it is right. I believe if the decision we made is right for us we will feel the fruits of the spirit–i.e..peace. If we don’t feel that, then perhaps we have not made the best decision & we should re-consider our decision. The type of decision you are making now is HUGE. It is one of those life altering decisions-& yet despite your concerns being resolved..you still backed away…sometimes monumental things can do that to the best of us…back us away a bit….because we can feel it in our soul that it is going to be a big change…

  14. p.s…recently found your blog…love your inspiration & testimony..thanks for sharing & God bless to you & your family. xo.

  15. Walk in faith. If you are not sure ask the impossible. Tell them u will do it with no long term contract tell them u need to be able to walk away if at anytime u feel it is wrong for u and u r family. If they agree go for it. Maybe God is trying to say u should do this. 4 times wow I know that I would watch. Sometimes what God ask of us surprises us. I don’t know if u should do it or not but step out in faith believing and knowing that God will direct your steps. If u do it trusting God and ur doing it to glorify him God will show u I believe when u take the step of faith into the unknown. U told them no yet u still feel confused. I think that might mean u should do it. Hope I didn’t confuse u worse. Praying for u

  16. Courtney, you are such an inspiration to all of us. I believe sometimes there is not a right or wrong decision. God will love and bless you in this decision either way you decide to go.

  17. If it doesn’t feel right then that is a sign. I understand that having a “reality show” you could reach a lot of people about God’s word and taking a “Walk with the king.” You already reach lots of reading through Facebook, your blog, and etc. It’s also by word of mouth, I’ve told a friend or two about your blog and the P31. I don’t watch “reality shows” and from the one’s I’ve seen and read on TV, internet and magazines- most of them don’t end well. I am not saying you and your family will have problems. It just cheapens your whole idea and what you do. Maybe if it was a radio station or talk show. It doesn’t invade your life- private and your family and friends. I will pray for you. In the end it’s your decision and your life (with your family.) I hope I don’t sound mean, because I am trying not to be mean. I can see the potential and also see the troubles.

  18. Praying for you! You should listen to this song, I played it on repeat for months during some difficult times and still go for long drives praying this song as a prayer when I am struggling for clarity.
    Are you listening
    To anything that I say?
    ‘Cause I been praying
    How many prayers can I pray?
    I’m still waiting
    Maybe You’ll show up today

    I know You’re here, but I can’t feel You
    And if You’re speaking, I can’t hear You
    How much londer will this last

    So okay, answer me with silence
    It’s okay if You don’t say a word
    You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet
    So okay
    Answer me
    With silence

    Why do I question
    Your intentions for me
    When Your affection
    Is a proven legacy

    Oh Father, Father
    Turn my fears into peace
    I know Your love will never leave
    I know You want what’s best for me

    You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet

    Oh, it’s okay
    If You answer me with silence
    And it’s okay if You don’t say a word
    You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet
    So okay
    Answer me
    With silence

  19. Courtney,
    I appreciate you sharing your heart. I believe that we may never know, but in the end your reason for saying no seems to be lack of peace and that is reason enough. Even if all of the “signs” seem right that does not make things right. God is preparing you but more importantly God is leading you.

    Praying a blessed assurance for when the right time comes.

  20. I think that if you have felt tempted in any way to say yes, and then have decided no…which is causing all the confusion then perhaps it may not be the right choice. Someone once told me that the Lord does not tempt us, so I believe you made the right choice. I love your blog, and your humble approach..you’re a real lady, in a real world and I don’t have to open a magazine or flick on the tv to find sound advice from a godly woman like you and I love that. Blessings! Sara

  21. 1 Corinthians 14:33
    For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

    About 20 years ago, an elder in the church I attended told me this scripture when I was confused about a situation. I had never heard it before, and have always remembered it during times that I have to make a decision and feel so unsure. I hope it will comfort you and give you peace as you continue to wait until He gives you His peace.

  22. God is totally able to make Himself and His will clear in a situation. I think that if you didn’t have peace, then you made the right decision. Something was holding you back, you were confused as to what was the right decision. That confusion right there is something deep within your spirit that, right now, is telling you to say “no.”

    There have been times where I have agonized over a decision and felt so confused and uncertain of which way to go, I imagine we all have. There are several things that I do during times like that, but you’re not asking for help in making a decision, so I don’t feel like I need to list them here.

    I think what you’re asking for, in a way, is for help in living with the decision that you’ve made. Well, not really, you’re just sort of letting us in on your thought process and I’m thankful for your transparency! Rest assured, God is not going to let you miss His will when you have prayed about it like you have, and I know that you know that.

    Look at Jonah! He made a decision not to go in the direction God was clearly telling him and God had no trouble intervening. Pretty sure that you don’t need to worry about a big fish though. ;0)

    This sounds like an exciting opportunity for you, but it’s a big life change and maybe God is preparing you for it but maybe NOW is not the time. When that door opens at the right time, you will have peace walking through it.

  23. Personal experience: A few weeks ago my husband and I were fasting and praying about selling our house to pay off our debt. We wanted what God wanted..period. Started that on Monday and by Saturday night were complaining that God had not spoken to us clearly on the matter. The next morning we went to church and the special speaker(he had never met us) spoke on everything we were praying about and also got our direct call to go forward with a plan for full time ministry. Just keep praying, seeking a multitude of godly counselors and He won’t let you down. Just be on the lookout for the clear answer…it’s coming.

  24. Our family has been through something similar to this with a job search for the past 3 or 4 years. It has been a long drawn out situation which hasn’t completely been resolved yet. Husband applies, is requested to take a test for a certain company, is interviewed, is given a psychological interview…everything is in place for his being hired, then nothing! More applications to more companies and reapplying to this same company. Some companies respond with a request for him to test, others don’t. Nothing happens for a long time and despair, confusion, and discouragement come. Then out of the blue a company, with which he had been through several cycles of tests/interviews, sends a letter for him to test again…funny thing is he hasn’t reapplied to this company since the last test (after which they sent the “we are not interested at this time” letter). In addition, he finally gets the opportunity to test for and interview with a company that he had wanted to work for more than any of the others, but which the door had been completely closed to him for all of this time. A facility tour and panel interview are coming up next week, and we don’t know what will happen after that.

    We are still hoping and praying for some improvement in his job situation, but when I look back at the last few years I can see that this whole issue has caused us both to grow and mature spiritually in ways that we never would have had we not been through these things. Also, I see that we were not prepared to properly handle the benefits that could come our way if he were to be hired by this company. I have also seen how God has protected us from being totally without an income since many of these instances where he could have been hired would have most definitely resulted in his being laid off shortly after.

    This could all be a distraction from the enemy or it could be a God thing, but remember God is not the author of confusion. Keep your eyes focused on Him, ask Him to remove the confusion and give you a clear vision for His will, and ask Him to close the doors that He does not want you to walk through. He knows that we are like sheep and we have to be led step by step through the doors we are supposed to walk through. He will be faithful to guide you to His perfect will.


  25. I hope you don’t delete this one. It is so comforting to know that others go through the same struggles I do. 🙂 I could so relate to everything you shared. Okay – I haven’t had producers knocking on my door…but there have been times when I have had two paths before me and I had a “Monk” moment where I simply could not decide which one to take!!! (Don’t you just love those scenes from Monk? “Where would you like to sit?” and he stands there going…”This one? No! That one…. No! The first one….no…..the other one…..” haha!!!!!!)

    I found the first comment so completely profound! “A wise missionary told me recently, confusion is not from GOD. If you’re confused, don’t move!”

    What wise advise. I think I”ll write that down and stick it somewhere where I’ll see it often!

  26. 4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.– Phil 4:4-7

    Sometimes, in the midst of the confusion, when you turn your attention up, and just praise Him, the peace comes and the anxiety has to leave. Sometimes that in itself is a battle. Thank Him, find anything you can to thank Him, and receive His peace. He knows you are seeking to honor Him in your decision, and seeking His will…He’ll work it for good, He will.

    And we know that [God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.– Romans 8:28

    And on another note, I live just outside of L.A.– lots of “industry” people all around and I even know, go to church with, friends with, etc. many of the good Christian folks/stars who are a part of it seeking to honor Him. I also know many Christians who have been lead astray because of the influence of the industry. If God wants you a part of it, let Him be clear with His peace, and let Him equip you for it. Maybe company #2 will come back. But reality TV has to create drama, and rarely is reality. I hope for the other girls’ sakes and for the glory of God that the show is different, but I’m yet to know of a reality show that is true to life and leaves or leads its participants walking closer to Jesus. It would be exciting if that happened, but would take prayer and those battling in prayer on your behalf. You are doing a phenomenal job with your blog and ministry, and people will always want to share in your success. Some will credit the glory to themselves and not to God, so just be careful– firsthand I know of the “Christians” who do this too.

  27. Maybe some of the things that are worrying you are exploitation and control. I know if I were where you are right now the stories of the Duggers, John and Kate and The Business of Being Born are probably looming large right about now. Can you guarantee that for the sake of marketing you wont be positioned as a nutter or extremist of any sort or allied with any political party or cause. Can you guarantee that your children will not be exposed to unnatural attention in their community based upon this. Can you pull the plug and have privacy to grow as your family will need to grow in the next few years? I think if you can successfully resolve what your family identity will become, perhaps you can make a strong choice. Continue to seek guidance. It will come clear,

  28. Wow, this is so crazy! I was just telling my husband last week about your offer for a TV show, but I didn’t even know that you had a 2nd, 3rd and 4th offer :-O He was reading an article about the TV show GCB (I think); I had never even heard of the show before he read me the article, but wow, just wow. The article was talking about how the network is cancelling the show because advertisers were pulling their commercials from the show. It made me wonder how these ladies were approached about doing a show and how much editing they must have done to shed a bad light on Christianity. It’s very sad. I totally agree with your feeling, though, if you don’t have peace about something I think that is God’s way of telling you not to go forward! At least for now or with these certain companies.

  29. Courtney,

    Peace is always a sign that t’s ok. If you’re not at peace then keep praying. It could be God’s way of saying “Not Now.” Be still. Know that He is God. He will lead you in peace and you’ll have joy.

    Regardless of your decision. I am confident that God will be glorified and you’ll continue to bless the masses! 🙂

  30. I know there is no way I can say with assurance what I would do if I were in your shoes, because I have not been there. 🙂 I cannot tell you for certain that I think you’ve made the right or wrong choice, but here’s my honest, gut reaction. From the outside looking in – what I think I would do after four times addressing a situation, and ALL of my concerns being cleared, and my husband being on board with me going ahead with it, I would have said yes. I agree with the verses the girls listed above about peace and confusion, but the fact that you are still confused and still do not have peace in this situation doesn’t look to me like the fruit of a solid decision.

    It’s not the same at all, but this is what came to mind as I was reading your post… a little story/joke our 7 year old daughter has been telling anyone who will listen …
    A man was stuck on the roof of his house during a flood. A helicopter flew down to rescue him, but the man shooed them away, “God’s going to take care of me!” A couple of hours later, as the water rose higher, another helicopter came along. Again, the man shooed them away, “God’s going to take care of me!” In a last ditch effort, as the man’s house was almost consumed by the water, one more helicopter flew in. But the man, grasping at his roof shouted, “Go away! God’s going to take care of me!”
    The man died in the flood, and when he got to heaven he ran to God and said, “What just happened?! You said You would take care of me!!” God replied, “I sent you three helicopters!!”


  31. While I have never had to deal with this type of situation I know how difficult it is to feel torn. TRULY wanting to honor the will of God, but not really knowing what that is. BUT, God knows your heart’s desire is to be in His will and He will honor that. Peace comes from God, confusion from Satan. When the time is right, God will give you His peace.

  32. Courtney,

    I have had similar situations in my life. One time I decided to move forward in faith only to be totally shocked by what was being asked of me…was this truly from God. I decided to say yes, but that’s when the other party dropped the ball and the thing I thought I was to do, was no longer available for me. I questioned God even introducing it to me and felt so confused by the whole process. I finally concluded in my situation that God was just testing me to see if I really was willing to follow Him no matter how unusual the request. I think He was testing my willingness to obey, step out in faith and I was and then he closed the door and it was no longer my decision but His. He was testing me was all I could conclude w/o driving myself mad. Don’t give up, there will be peace in the end before it’s all either a done thing or a continual closing of doors. Hold on and keep us posted. I will pray for clarity for you and your friends! God does have your best interests at heart and when it’s all over, you might still feel confused but the decision will give you peace…a perfect unwavering peace! sunshine!

  33. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one! 🙂 And you definitely SHOULD NOT delete this post–this time in your life is part of your history! You’ll want to look back at it in a couple years and say, “Wow, I felt THAT way? That was definitely a trying place–I’m glad God got me through in that way!”


  34. Courtney, It’s so hard when our heart longings want to be filled and the opportunities are around us almost shouting at us and God still has the “pause” button on our decision. His peace that passes all understanding will be your guide. His plans are to prosper you and to make good come out of this…His plans are greater than meeting every request you put in front of that company.

    Rest in knowing this is how He speaks to us…loud and clear with peace of mind and spirit on big decisions that effect our family. Thank You for blessing my life with you ministry, Jennifer

  35. If you can’t find peace then you should wait but also in Gods work we have to consider the opportunity not the oppositions.
    Under His wing,

  36. Court, I haven’t read the other comments but I assume based on how different you and I are (or are we) that mine will be different.

    I dont live everything I do through the Lord, like most of your followers. I DO look at, G does everything for a reason. I follow your site because you intrigue me. We grew up completely different and besides homeschooling, were like oil and water..lol

    I dont blame her pink eye on a sign, I blame it on her kids if she has them 😉 You have a voice that is heard. From your blog, guest post and videos, people want to hear what you are going to say.

    You only live once (my motto) and if the opportunity comes again, TAKE IT MOMMA

    G does everything for a reason, so there is a reason he keeps wanting you to speak. You only have 1 life =) Words from me- take all the chances thrown your way

  37. I have prayed for you to receive what you desire…a clear word from God. But I think you’ve done the right thing. You held out for specific reasons and even after those issues were resolved you still didn’t feel it in your heart. But keep trusting Him. Even if you make the wrong choice He will work it for His good!!

  38. I think when a wife is in confusfion, that you should always look to your husband as the spiritual leader of your home. When you give the decision to your husband and allow him to make the call then you can have a sense of peace knowing that you did what was best. If your husband is on the same page as you with saying no, then I think you did the right thing. Just wait and see what God will reveal to you as time goes on.

  39. ThaNk you for this post. I have been, and continue to be very confused about a very significant choice since the start of this year. Now, I just wait and see but it’s comforting to know that others struggle with the question of ‘whose voice am I hearing’. I hold on to God is clarity, not confusion.

  40. Your blog has been a blessing and encouragement to me and I just wanted you to know I’m praying for you to find peace with whatever decision you make 🙂

  41. It’s very clear to me that you have done very well with a little responsibility so God is giving you the opportunity for more. You need to decide for yourself if you want to take it. On the one hand you’ll have a very clear spotlight – the message God has given you to share. On the other hand, worldwide fame is a MUCH different life than the small and simple lives you had planned for yourselves and your children. I can really only think of one family – the Duggars – that have turned this into a ministry. I would question your own motives more than the opportunities. Would you want the fame because of pride? Are you secretly a three year old who needs the whole world to revolve around you? Or is this genuinely a ministry opportunity? And because this is going to (hopefully) be even more positive for your husband, what does he think?

    Pink eye is going around right now. It could just as easily be the enemy trying to prevent you from sharing the gospel with an even bigger audience as it could be a sign from God. If you don’t feel confident in your ability to make this decision, perhaps you’re not as ready for this as you thought you were. I’ve known many “famous” ministers, fame is almost always more difficult for their families than you imagine. If you need a friend to talk through the details with, feel free to email me.

  42. I will pray for you and your family. Only you,God, your DH can determine who is sending the opportunities, how doing it/or not fulfill His purpose in your life. Does not sound like fear of success is reason for your hesitation. When a production/editing company reduces your life to sound bites will the results draw glory to God or make Christian families look unappetizing? I’m sure you’ve had these same ?s & more already. Just BE STILL and know I AM is God. The answer will come. The peace about your decision might not come for some time.

  43. While reading this all that kept coming to my mind is that God is not the author of confusion. This seems to be coming to my mind a lot lately. Recently I’ve been involved in political conversations both online & offline and both sides believe that they are doing/not doing God’s will—and what keeps coming to my mind—God is not the author of confusion. It is so good when we’re able to encourage each other in faith….but there are times when it’s just us and God. Jesus tells us that His sheep know His voice so when it appears that He is silent it’s is frustrating and sometimes scary. I pray you receive His peace that passes all understanding as you press on toward the high calling of Christ Jesus. God Bless you and keep you, may the Lord make His face to shine up you. He who called you is faithful.

  44. Hi Courtney!
    I just recently started reading your blog. I love it!
    Reading through your post today something came to mind real quick.
    One of the others thinking about signing on said something about “If God keeps opening the same doors maybe you should walk through” or something close to that. It is in my experience as I am sure it is in yours and everyone else’s that the devil also continues to open the same doors with better opportunities each time. I’m not saying that is what this is but I am sure it has already crossed your mind no?
    As much as I would love to get a peek inside your homelife I applaud you for saying no!

  45. I’m sure that you are even more confused after reading all these posts. I have one simple statement. Don’t misinterpret FEAR with confusion.

    (Since less is more sometimes, I will leave it at that.)

  46. You can never go wrong listening to that unsettled feeling. I think sometimes God gives us that as His answer. Then leaves it up to us to listen.
    God is not a God of chaos and confusion. It’s better to stay where you are then to move forward in something that can turn ugly.
    We don’t have TV in our house but I know that there are reality shows that end up ruining families, marriages and even individuals. Maybe if it were just a talk show it would be ok. There would be a distinct line between work and home. Once you open that door of your privacy being invaded for all to see you never really can get your privacy back.

  47. Courtney,
    Thank you so much for your post. If I have learned anything in my lifetime, it is that there is nothing wrong with waiting on God. When peace is not there, wait. God is so amazing to put things in our lives exactly when He wants them to be, but He never leaves us without peace and only confusion when He does so. Look back on your life, the big decisions you have had to make. Recall what kinda of peace God gave you, even when you were leaping. That is the kind of peace you want to have in this decision as well. While scary as those past decision were, you made the leap, but something is holding you back right now. Trust God. He knows why you have not made that decision yet. Perhaps He wants this decision to glorify Him alone. If you are the one making all the decisions, He can’t possibly get that glory, now can He?
    You are an inspiration to me. Keep moving forward and stay busy at what God has already made known to you and don’t let this get you down. All in God’s time!

  48. This is indeed an interesting post…I was piqued with the title for sure…I am pretty sure everyone here has faced your dilemma being a reality star or not..Since I just started reading a couple posts here and not have really know you as the others…I wonder if God is testing you and your family now…I am presuming nothing major in your life is going on in your life now apart from this…recently i went into conversation with God regarding some events in my life…and He asked me if i was a Comfort Christian…Yes I did not know what that meant…He asked me to read the book of JOnah…JOnah was a well-known man of God back in that time…when he was asked to go to an evil city such as Ninevah he ran, and kept runnign from God till he was given a second chance after three days fasting,repentance and praying in the belly of a whale…God is our creator He also knows our deepest of desires of the flesh…He will def. use it to perfect us to His will…Now i do not claim to know what he has in store for you but I do know if this is something you want to know about,fast and pray for discernment if its something tugging your heart…
    If this is all hogwash to you, ignore my advice…but I felt its something I would tell another sister in Christ if she gave me this dilemma…God Bless

  49. I was studying my Sunday School lesson that I have to teach tomorrow and came across this verse and felt the need to share it with you.

    Revelation 3:7-8
    And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write; These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth;
    I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

    I was thinking of the Duggars after reading your post about being confused. I know that they have been put on display and mocked by many people. God has used them and you in a big way in my life. I know you probably hear that on a regular basis, but only heaven will reveal what your influence has done here on earth.

    I pray God’s will be done in your life.

  50. I don’t even know if you will read down this far…. I wanted to encourage you that you have two authorities …Jesus and your husband. You should trust them. If your husband has told you to go ahead I guess I’m wondering why you don’t rest in that direction. God is big enough to shut it down at a later point and he is able to tell you husband “no” if He doesn’t want you involved. It seems to me you are trying to make a decision that is not yours but your husband’s to make. (He should listen to your fears and concerns but let the final decision be his.) I know this may sound archaic to many but it is biblical. We should not say “no” or “yes” based upon our feelings. As women we are so driven by emotions ….one reason I think that God has given us husbands who don’t get trapped by the emotions as much as we do. Also, perhaps your husband and you should contact the Duggar’s and get some counsel from them. I’m sure they would be willing to help you sort it out from a “reality” perspective.

  51. Courtney, When you know His peace, you know it will be time to jump. But God is not the author of confusion, but of peace (1 cor 14:33). 2 Timothy 2:7 says “Think over what i say, for the Lord will give you understanding in EVERYTHING.” and John 16:13 says “When the Spirit of Truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, . . . he will declare to you the things that are to come. ” There are times when God calls us to take a leap of faith, yes. But even in those moments when our minds are unsettled, our spirits are at peace. Which is it that is holding you back? Is it your mind trying to wrap your head around this, but deep down your spirit is at peace? Or is your mind confused because your spirit is NOT at peace and you want it to be. . . ? Either way, it is best to not move until you feel His Spirit urging you. When God opens doors, He doesn’t just sit idly by, and i’m certain you know this well. He will impress on you the time to either trust Him and Jump or Turn around and run. Only YOU know what His Spirit living IN, WITH and THROUGH you is telling you to do – and maybe it simply is to BE STILL for now, and know that He is God. When the time is right, you will have peace, not confusion.
    Let this be your prayer and I will pray it over you as well:

    Psalm 119:34

    Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

    Love and prayers <3 Charity

  52. I think I know how you feel. I can never tell if my confusion on something actually stems from being fearful of a situation, or if it is truly God showing me this is not a viable plan, stop now! I had been praying about an opportunity for a long time, and one day, a church leader approached me on it, out of the blue. No confusion there! I took that as message from God “I’m ready for you to do this now.” But there are some situations in my life such as the current one, a 10 day trip to a Navajo reservation, away from my husband and two year old….that I was certain for a long time that I was NOT meant to go on. Recently I felt differently. Some confusion started and then I realized by telling myself “no, I don’t feel that I should go on this trip,” I had actually succumbed to my fear of flying, of extreme heat (Arizona heat!) and of being away from my home life bubble. Taking away those fears from my mind and praying about the trip alone, turned my answer into a yes. I signed on last minute and I feel really good about it. I mean, I’d like to be honest, sometimes I don’t HEAR a clear cut answer from God. Sometimes I do. With the trip I did not. The trip is soon, a few weeks away and I feel confident in my decision and I feel like God will show me on the trip I was meant to go. So sometimes I think I confuse my own fear with God’s promptings – which feels embarrassing to admit….but it’s happened before, like with this. And I really regretted skipping out on an opportunity. Instead of being open to God saying Yes or No, I was really just open to God saying No. Just a thought. Obviously a documentary like this – people getting to see your real life – it will be critisized (something that would automatically give me “cold feet.”) No matter who it is, people like to critisize how other people live their lives and a strong Christian family will be picked apart worse these days in my opinion. But I can’t help but think that even though it’s a scary thing- sharing such personal stuff, being so open and letting yourself be vulnerable, isn’t that what God is wanting us to do anyway, daily? Be open with people, share Christ with people, love people! So long as your decision isn’t based on fear, then I would say your decision is fine. I don’t really believe in coincidences so Angela’s “happening” does seem like a clear cut answer! I saw above someone said, if you make all the decisions, then God isn’t making the decision. So true. I guess my thoughts are you should just relinquish any fears you have about the project, and be open to God saying Yes or No. 🙂 I hope you a delivered a “clear cut” answer soon, so the confusion will be gone! Hard stuff! Have a lovely weekend!

  53. I completely understand the feelings your going through. Not that I’ve ever been offered a production contract ; ) Praying for you. Forgive me for not reading the previous comments but perhaps God would be okay with either decision and is truly leaving things up to you.

    I would never be able to handle reality TV. I got three comments on my blog this past week which attacked me (ironic I know) BIG TIME. I was called fat, lazy, and undesirable and several vulgarities were insinuated. Families like the Duggar’s endure this day in and day out.

    I know I couldn’t handle it. If three comments bring me to tears, what will 100 of the same type on a yahoo story do? I’m sure you’ve received a lot of advice, but for what it’s worth it doesn’t seem like either choice is wrong.

    You bless my heart!

  54. Last night I was praying about my blog and wanting the Lord to show me the right direction, so I find it so neat how God works when I read this post this morning. Thanks for the encouragement!

    “just maybe someone is out there tonight praying and asking God for guidance and they aren’t getting a clear cut answer. I know what you are feeling – you can’t always pause life and wait for something clear cut…sometimes you have to make decisions based on what God has done in your life in the past and move forward in faith. ”

    And thank you for sharing your heart Courtney!

  55. Gosh, there have been so many replies already I am sure you will not read this, but I felt compelled to reply. I love your blog, and you! But I can’t help but feel you are letting the enemy confuse you here. Yes it is true that God is not the author of confusion, but please do not forget we have a very real enemy at work against us! As someone else said, Angela’s pink eye could have very well been the enemy at work! We have small groups with church, and countless times I have been unable to find childcare to attend these groups, groups I KNOW God would want me to attend. Could I view it as, well I cannot find childcare so God must not want me to go, and fellowship, be encouraged and made stronger in His word? Yes! But I saw it as the enemy trying to wear me down!

    I once read a book called, The 10 second rule by Clare De Graff, where the premise is: Do the next thing you are reasonably certain Jesus wants you to do – in 10 seconds. Longer then that and you will reason yourself out of it. He uses as examples, when we see homeless people and we want to stop and offer help, money, food….etc but as we think about it longer we reason ourselves out of it, thinking maybe they will just use the money I give them for food/alcohol. Well God has put it on my heart on occasion to give a mother walking down a busy road with a small child on a sweltering hot day, a ride to where ever she was going. Did I feel COMFORTABLE with this? With my own small children in the car, no! absolutely not. Could I have reasoned well God is not the author of confusion so He must not want me to do this? Yes but I knew already he DID want me to do it!

    I think God calls us to do things we are uncomfortable with, to grow us. Do you think he always wants us to sit inside our comfort zone? I feel uncomfortable talking to new people, but I don’t think that God does not want me do that! I know he does.

    I strongly agree with the person who said, God has opened this door FOUR times for you, he most likely wants you to walk through it!

  56. Jesus said, “My peace I give to you” and you obviously don’t have peace regarding this situation so you can be sure that you have done the right thing in rejecting it. Don’t worry about it at all … you have spent time seeking the Lord in this matter and He isn’t amazed by the offer or surprised by the situation… when he wants you to do something different, He will not only arrange it but He will give you peace and the ability to know it’s Him directing your path. Confusion is never from God but it can really be hard to figure out if it’s our flesh or the enemy (sometimes that’s the same thing) but either way God is bigger than all of it and totally capable of moving you in the right direction. You are a blessing to many and maybe this is exactly why this has come along – so you could share it!

  57. Courtney you have a great thing going here with your blog and if you don’t have the same peace about doing a reality TV show that you had about starting this blog don’t do it. You know that peace that God can only give you. When you know, that you know, that you know that is God.

    Also, God can call us into doing something out of our comfort zones and this can cause such growth.

    When you say no to this offer of a realty TV show what are the reasons? How does it make you and your husband feel. Do you have any verses that come to mind to support this?

    If you say yes to this offer of a reality TV show what would be the reasons? How do you and your husband feel on it?
    Do any verses come to mind to support this?

  58. This was a great post — as it humanized what we all are going through in one way or another.
    Sometimes God can give us what appears to be perfect and then still cast doubts. And since he isn’t the author of confusion — we have our sign but I know it’s hard to accept it.

    I loved your quote “Sometimes you have to make decisions based on what God has done in your life in the past and move forward in faith.”

    We will all continue to pray for one another reading and contributing to this blog.

  59. Hi Courtney, here is my input on this:
    If I (my personal opinion and speaking only for myself) were you I wouldn’t do it because I have firm beliefs on these matters, I don’t like exposure because you lose something very valuable, privacy. It is a door that once you open you can’t close back and pretend everything is nice. You will invite a lot in your home. Depends if you are willing to be exposed to the bad and the good.

    On the other hand you have the gift of communication and you have touched so many people all over the world through your blog, your words, your videos. In all sincerity you are a rare person and I know you can do even better and in a larger scale. You have the gift and there is no doubt you will thrive, the question is what is the right means to do so?

    The answer needs a lot of soul searching.
    I hope I didn’t make things even more confusing…


  60. Courtney, I found your blog about six months ago during a time when I was experiencing a lot of indecision and wavering in my faith. What started as a simple Google search for chore packs led me to you and your wonderful ministry. I appreciate your wisdom in your areas of strength and conviction and I am touched and empathetic with your struggle to discern God’s will or face your own weaknesses. Sometimes we don’t know what to do and we need someone wiser to show or explain the way; sometimes we just need to know that we’re not alone. I believe that God has worked through you to turn my own confused heart toward him. Now, I am reading my Bible every morning and trying to show more care and consideration towards my husband. While I don’t know if I can help you with your decision (I think nearly all reality shows rob something precious from their subjects or force them to compromise their values. Having said that, I am a huge fan of “19 Kids and Counting” and think that they do a great job of leading others to Christ), I just want you to know that you can trust your ability to make conscientious decisions . Just by taking the time to discuss and pray and listen for a clear answer, I think you’re doing the right thing. Thank you for all of your hard work, your good example, and your willingness to share your life and gifts with us. May God bless you.

  61. LOVE THIS POST! It allows us all to see that even those who are strong in faith have struggles and question what God has in store for them. Thank you for this transparent post..I think God has used you once again in a beautiful way! It gives me that “I’m not the only one” feeling and I hope you don’t regret it and take it down 🙂

  62. Your openness to share your heart makes you real to your readers. Thank you for sharing your true heart. We all go through this-confusion at times. I say-if you don’t have peace about it-than wait! Blessings to you!

  63. Courtney,

    My gut says no matter how many companies contact you or how they “sweeten” the deal, this opportunity is not for you. (Of course you can take that with a grain of salt, since I’m a stranger telling you what my instincts are saying!!) And, I’m guessing if you had said, yes., you still wouldn’t feel 100% sure it was the right decision. So the fact that you don’t feel 100% sure about saying no, doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

  64. Hugs, that you are able to resolve this in your mind. I agree, no peace, means don’t do it. Trust the Lord, sometimes the confusion IS His way of saying no, or not now. I think you made the right decision (for now). I agree with the people who have said that no reality TV is REAL reality, they have to add some drama because real life doesn’t always make for good TV. I also agree that many people and companies tend to paint (or edit) Christians in a bad or extremist light. I pray this is not the case for the ladies involved, but it does happen VERY often. I have seen the Duggers speak and they are genuine people, and God Bless them for the “thick skin” they must have. When they lost their last little one, there were so many HATEFUL comments towards them! It’s not a life I could live. Blessings on your journey with this!

  65. Hi friend 🙂 I haven’t read all of the other comments, and I won’t assume the voice of God for you, but I find myself wondering if there is some fear in your decision-making process? I’m not telling you anything new when I say that fear isn’t from God. Someone, a wise counselor in my life, once told me that if I’m feeling fear over a decision, it COULD be because God DOES want me to do it, and the enemy doesn’t.

    Again, I’m no mouthpiece of God friend, just humbly thought you might want to consider that as you pray? I’m encouraged to hear you say that sometimes God doesn’t give us a clear answer, because I’ve found this to be true in my life as well. There are times in a Believer’s life where we have to make a decision based on what we know to be true from the Word and the character of God and let go of our desire for a sign.

    I believe God sees your heart to please Him and protect your family, and is well-pleased with your mama heart regardless of the decision you make.

    Sweet blessings friend 🙂

  66. Hi, I don’t normally comment, but God pressed this upon my heart for you.

    You are My sheep and I am Your Shepherd. You hear My voice. I am leading you. Let My peace umpire your heart. I am not confusing you. Seek My peace.

    Whenever I am in a circumstance that I am not sure what God’s will is I always remember Colossians 3:15(amp)

    And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].

  67. If God gave you the peace to say no, then you likely made the right choice! Confusion isn’t of God, but we can be unsettled in different choices we make that are new areas, but doors open and close all the time. Sometimes it is scary to walk through a new door. I think God is going to use you in this area so the world can see God’s light!

  68. Don’t laugh….Have you considered contacting Jim Bob and Michelle and asking for their insight? Just a thought. Oh Courtney, when you first shared this with us, I was pro “I would LOVE to see Courtney in a reality show because I KNOW she would be a bold witness for Jesus and a GREAT encouragement to all who watch.” However, since I’ve had more time to take this in, I am also more keenly concerned for you; for how this would play out “in reality” and whether it would truly, in fact, serve the main purpose of bringing glory to God. I totally understand how confusing this decision must be for you. Soooo much to consider in saying yes or saying no. I am going to pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding to fill your heart and mind about this decision. Would I still love to see you on tv? YES! But I want what is ultimately best for you and for God’s purposes even more. Why does it have to be so hard, eh? 😉 Btw, guess what I’m sending out today? Our registration forms and fees for all 4 of our children to join Classical Conversations. I’m so nervous about my oldest having to enter Challenge (A) without the benefit of Foundations OR Essentials, but we’re going to move forward with the confidence that God will guide us in what we need to accomplish in order for her to be successful in Challenge.

  69. Courtney,
    It is never wrong to err on the side of caution or to exercise patience…especially when it comes to the entertainment industry. Search your heart…consider your original purpose for why you started writing to encourage women…pray for pure motives, clear direction and peace. As you know, the center of God’s will is the only place to be! I will pray for you, as well.

    “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners will turn back to you”
    Psalm 51:10-13

    Beth Blamick
    “The Heart of the Matter”

  70. Courtney, UGH! We just went through this very same “confusing” situation, only with the possibility of selling our house and buying another close by.

    We ended up keeping our current home, but now that I (we) are on the other side of it, I can say:

    Lack of God’s peace and direction, is not good!
    It’s tough when we don’t have clear answers, but God is NOT the author of confusion! Confusion probably means “no”. (Not His timing yet or not His will…)

    I felt peace and slept better once I shut the door on the idea of selling our home.

  71. I’m glad you said no. If not done in faith, it is sin (Romans 14:23). Yes, you can be a witness on TV — but TV is Satan’s domain for the most part. I would worry producers would ruin your relationship with your friends or family. How will your children feel later about being in the limelight and how will it affect them? And why are these companies so interested in filming all you Christian women? It is an important question to ask. It kind of seems like it might be a trap of some sort. It seems like God wants us to live quiet lives (1 Tim 2:2). And just because a door opens mulitple times does NOT mean you need to go through it. In the Bible, it never says, “the fifth open door means it is God’s will.” The number of opporunties does not mean something is God’s will. The Bible tells us what God’s will is, and our convictions about Scripture will help us be able to say “Yes” or “No” to whatever opportunites come our way.

  72. I certainly don’t pretend to know what God’s will is for you, Courtney. But I guess I see the mess that reality TV has made of a lot of families and I have to say I don’t think you’ll regret your choice. A wise friend once told me that whatever ministry/job I did should be of benefit and/or at least not be detrimental to my own children and family (which, of course, is our first ministry). It helped to clarify things for me.

    Still, God may have a reality opportunity for you that truly does enhance your ministry and your family life and that you have peace about. He is a very creative and resourceful God. So I’m not ruling that out. But I agree with others — I think God would give you peace about such a potentially life-changing project.

  73. Hi Courtney,
    I think its fair to say looking at the responses that if nothing else you have a testimony to share. Your blog and personability in this matter alone has helped a group of believers to share, receive, and pray and that gives glory to God and there’s no confusion in that. That we can be sure of and know is His plan.

  74. Courtney,
    Your honesty is what reaches me again and again. If you do a show you will show people what you want them to see, and what you don’t want them to see. Your honesty and truth will come forward, but you will have to accept things other people see as well. You will become stronger if you choose to focus your mind on the things of the spirit. There aren’t many people who can handle the pressure of exposure. You know how to submit daily. Don’t allow your mind to remain unsettled. Rest your thoughts in the truth of the scriptures; despite any circumstance. We aren’t here for ourselves or our comfort.
    Your friend,

  75. Courtney, I mentioned your situation to my hubby (he knows about you cuz I’ve talked alot about you over the years!) He said this whole reality show thing sounds like “asking for trouble.” As for me, it just doesn’t sit right in my spirit. Just felt the Lord was compelling me to comment. I’m sure He will show you His purposes for your life and ministry (first being your husband & kids as you so often encourage us about on your blog!)

  76. Hi Courtney…
    I was going through this same torment about whether to homeschool or keep my children in a private school.. Then I read in my devotional book that God will only bring Peace. In order for us to know His will, he doesn’t send “signs” – He is so much more than that. Whichever decision brings you inner Peace & Joy ~ that is where God is and wants you to be. Praying for you 🙂
    (I also agree that a lot of times, the media can have negative effects on our families in so many ways)

  77. Decisions decisions…. I have found myself in the spot you are in, wanting God’s will more than anything and not sure what to do. God definitely leads through your husband, if he has peace about it, go for it! I had a situation regarding my health that I was terrified and wasn’t sure what to do. I did what my husband felt I should do and it was definitely God’s plan. My fear had so blinded me that I couldn’t see clearly. God’s used my husband many times to give direction when I didn’t know what to do. I’ve also counseled with my Pastor or his wife at times-asked what they think. The Bible says, “In a multitude of counselors there is safety.” Hope that helps!

  78. I know that God will ask us to step out of our comfort zone and have faith in him and his path for us. However, if after THIS much prayer, you’re still feeling trepidation, I’d say that it isn’t the right decision. This might be His way of gearing you up FOR the path he wants you to take, getting you used to the idea, and when his REAL opportunity knocks, you wouldn’t be so confused.

  79. I had a similar experience a year ago I thought I’d tell you about. I decided to audition for X Factor. I worked with a friend of mine for 2 1/2 months doing some singing lessons and I was ALL prepared. For some reason my husband kept thinking this wasn’t a settled matter, and I wasn’t really going to audition, and it always got me wondering if I really was going to go or SHOULD go. But I didn’t listen to the doubts (which never went away.) I just thought about being a huge star in LA someday.
    So, here I am driving from San Antonio to Dallas for the audition. The evening I approach the city, there is an ENORMOUS storm, with tornadoes all around me, like God is actually trying to keep me out of the city. Then the audition happens and the judge is bored half way through my first song. Ouch! So I’m driving back home, and 30 minutes from home a SEMI TRUCK hits my little car, shattering the windows and shoves me off the road. And the driver NEVER stopped to see if I was OK (fortunately I was.)
    So at this point, I’m FINALLY getting the message that fame and fortune and X Factor is not for me. God wants me in a certain place in my life, He has brought me to this place, and I was seriously messing with His plan. It is still very hard for me at times to realize that God’s plan for me is a quiet, humble, meek life. No glitz or glam or fame. He has given me amazing talents, musical ones too, but I have to use them the way He wants me to.

  80. Thank you so much for your transparency! It is encouraging to know that others go thru times of uncertainty even when they are trying with every ounce of their being to cry out to God for a clear answer. I will be praying for you for peace and clarity. I would appreciate the same prayer 🙂 God is faithful!!!

  81. Courtney,
    We are not to walk by feelings or signs. We are to walk by faith. I have felt that same sense of confusion and frustration at times. All of that confusion is from the enemy. It sounds like God has led you to make a decision to say no…not to look to the right or to the left, but to keep your eyes straight ahead fixed on Him. I see that frustration as your flesh telling you that you’re missing out on something. Sometimes God tells us to say no despite a company meeting all expectations. He knows what is good for you and what is not good for you. He knows if something will make you prideful or ruin your family. Keep standing. I am reminded of a few passages: Jeremiah 38, Jeremiah 14, Jeremiah 23, Jeremiah 27, 1 Kings 22.

  82. My husband and I had the same confusion about whether to stay in missions or come home and although it was a few years ago I still look back on that time and don’t quite understand how God was leading or if we made the right decision.
    It’s easy for everyone here to speculate on their interpretation of what God is saying to you in this. Bottom line is you are His Beloved and I pray that you could rest in *that* this weekend, confusion aside.

  83. I got confused just reading your article…LOL. I can understand why you made certain choices and that you feel a twinge of doubt. God is not the author of confusion but at the same time I agree with some of the other readers that at times the choice God wants us to make feels a bit scary. I believe this is His way to remind us that we need to trust Him and so that we don’t go forth in our own understanding and planning but rather rely on Him to make all things work together for good. We also need to remember that oftentimes it’s not about us but about His plan for His kingdom. He at times has led me into unknown territory and uncomfortable situations for a very specific purpose that I could not have possibly forseen. People have been saved, brought back to Him and others encouraged by Him using me as an instrument of his love and grace in dire situations. May God bless you and keep you and your family and may His will prevail in your circumstances.

  84. I have been following you for about a year now and believe that you are truly a child of the King. As such, I believe you have done the right thing. When My husband of forty years and I have had to make a life changing decsion, we always wait for that peace in the middle of the storm to lead us. The constant confusion and turmoil over this decision speaks volumes in and of itself. God has given you a wonderful ministry through this blog and allows you to be with your family. Bigger is not always better. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us He has a plan to prosper and not harm you to give you a hope and a future.

    1. Courtney:

      Remember, God is not the author of confusion, (I Cor. 14:33). To stop your head spinning, your heart racing, just stop and say, “Thank you Lord that You are in control, you know my heart better that I, but I do want to honor and glorify you in everything I do.” I Thess. 5:18. To be in His will at all times, you must thank Him in ALL things. Under His direction, list all the positives, and list all the negatives, and how it will affect your life with your husband and children. Will this experience get you to where you want to be spiritually? I can honestly say that I have “been there, done that.” It will take that pressure off and help you to see clearly His will.

      Lorene Bradshaw
      Romans 8:28

  85. Jinger is correct – God is not the author of confusion. Ten years ago I was in a whirl of confusion, chose to step out in great faith, and it has been the hardest decade of my life! The ripple effects are unending. Every sermon I have heard since says not to move until you know what to do. Of course God can use every situation, but the ministers of those sermons have consistently said that if you feel pulled then don’t move. They reiterated that our Shepherd will gently lead us and we will not feel pushed or confused. Live in the Word until that time.

  86. Perhaps it is God and then again perhaps it is not. Perhaps the confusion comes from you and you not wanting to follow the lead? From a fear in your heart that you won’t measure us? It’s really hard to say. I’m not exactly sure what this reality show was supposed to be about, it seems as if it’s morphed through the process, but what I will say is that perhaps this was/is the opportunity God was giving you to reach a lot more people/families? Not to say that it wouldn’t be difficult and that you wouldn’t face criticism from people, that happens to anyone who finds themselves in the public life. Satan is always ready to speak through those who have nothing constructive or thoughtful to say. If your heart is unsettled on it then perhaps you made the right decision and you are not ready for this yet. If that is the case my guess is that it will present itself again. I know it would be a hard decision for me to make, opening up myself and my family to the world. That would be really hard, especially when the criticism comes from those who watch but don’t totally agree with you. This kind of reminds me of how Moses didn’t want to speak on behalf of the people of Israel, he was afraid and felt unqualified, but God still used him for this purpose. I’m not saying it’s the same exact thing, but your story reminds me of that one as I’m sure he felt some of the same things you are feeling today. If it was meant to be it will I guess. Good luck and God speed in getting through this confusion. 🙂

  87. Courtney – Probably a good choice. Reflecting on what is currently on TV labeled “reality”, I find the programs offensive. Seems very one-sided and never in a positive light. I would hate to see your beautiful family and lifestyle protrayed any other way than what you put out in your blog. Think the people that need to hear your wise advice the most will find you. No remote control necessary.

  88. Courtney,
    First and foremost, “it’s not about you”. Your very words this week to others in response to beginning their own blog. Secondly, reality tv digs for dirt and few families who have agreed to having their lives in a fish bowl survive the dissection. Third, peace is usually the first fruit of knowing something is God’s will…not always, but usually. Fourth, confirmation through the mouths of multiple counselors is another litmus you can utilize to test the waters.
    Personally I think your caution is warranted. Your husband and you have to think long-term about the effect this kind of observation will produce. I commend you for wanting a clearer answer from God. What does your husband say? If you two are not 100% unified, forget it.
    Can the production company refer you to other husbands and wives who they have worked with in the past who can provide you with what to expect? Are they offering you references that prove they can keep their word on the assurances they’ve offered? Think of the worst-case scenarios and walk through how you would survive a loss of reputation, accusations of being less-than you really are, being manipulated or having your words twisted, etc. Drama is usually the product of this kind of show.
    Nehemiah turned to God first and foremost. God put it in his heart to do something. Nothing could waver him from his focus. If this is something that God has put in your heart to do, Courtney, go for it. But go for it unified with your husband and children. It will affect all of you.
    There is a saying: others can, I cannot. I know you will be praying. Fasting may be in order, too.

    Father, of all voices, let Courtney and her husband hear Yours. Quiet her spirit. This is a heady offer for her. Gift those who love her family the precision of discernment. You have all the time in the world. Let Courtney know that peace that passes understanding to guard her heart while You help her prepare to hear You on this opportunity and to process through her questions. Let the mantle of Your yes or no sit on her as easily as the yoke of Your love. Guide her, Holy Spirit!!!! In Jesus’ precious name, be her sufficiency. Amen

  89. I’ve just started to receive your emails. Just started to get into checking out different websites and blogs due mostly to Pinterest. One thing I’ve noticed is many blogs have so many advertisements on their blogs that it’s difficult to tell just what they are trying to promote! Why isn’t that the case with your website? What motivated you to start this website? Why haven’t you quit and moved along to bigger and better things by now? You’ve received a lot of advice today, but I believe if you prayerfully go back to the root of your reason(s) for doing what you do and why you do it, I think you’ll find your answer. Praying He’ll make it very clear to you and the others.
    God bless you, Courtney!

  90. I Corinthians 14:33 is a verse that comforts me during those confusing moments- God is not the author of confusion but of peace. Praying that peace over you!

  91. From what I have read about your values and the beautiful photos of your family, and as a Grandma, my first thought is to tell you to run from this offer. I have watched a few of these reality shows and more than not I walk away feeling sad for the participants.

    I have not prayed before giving you my response. It is just a feeling in my heart of hearts. You are doing such an exemplary job as a wife and mom. Don’t do anything to jeopardize this. I will continue to pray for wisdom and discernment for you. Blessings to you my little friend.

  92. My 2 cents are that if the weight was lifted and peace of mind returned when you decided against it several times then THERE is your answer. The uncertainty and confusion can really upset your life for a long time as you know. God will grant confirmation of your decision I am sure of it.

  93. Oh sweet sis try to drown out the opinions of others and remember it’s not about you or the others it’s about Christ and if your confused that’s your first RED FLAG God is not the Author of Confusion Satan is God however is the author of clarity and peace, guidance and direction. Also sis temptation the enemy sends over and over to try to break us so the fact you were asked 4 times does NOT mean it is of God and you must do it again appears to be another red flag. I agree with Kate F ALL of these shows no matter the company’s behind them are ALL focused on the drama I have yet to see a reality show with a slight exception to the show 19 and Counting but the name itself was why people watch all the other reality shows though are based off of the pure drama in which they partake in week after week it’s sad. I would love to see a REAL reality show with the REAL life of Christian Families but the audiences seem to not want that type of show nor do the production companies seem to want to support that type of family values and morals! I pray your able to drown out all the opinions of others and that you and your beautiful family can go before our king of King’s and seek His clear peaceful answer and be in perfect peace over the decision you decide for your family because at the end of the day you shall stand before the Lord and answer for your behavior not that of those whom have been asked to do this alongside of you. I wish you the best and pray God speaks loud and clear to you and husband God Bless you sis!

  94. If you haven’t read it yet, try to get hold of John MacArthur’s booklet, Found: God’s Will. It’s excellent!

  95. Dear Courtney,
    Early in my Christian walk something occurred that has guided me thru many choses. Maybe it will give you God’s Joy & Peace which as we know doesn’t always “make sense.” I worked @ Deaconess Hospital in Evansville,IN. At Christmas time the ladies on my nursing unit decided to “draw names” to give a present. I was fairly new to this hospital & didn’t really know anyone. I went down to the gift shop at the hospital & started looking. It ALL Looked really nice to me. BUT, I did NOT Know this lady. So, what I decided to do changed the way I buy all my gifts since. I prayed, “Dear God, You know her. Please guide me as to what to purchase for her. Help me to Know it is the right gift & something You know I can afford.” Well I walked around & Then I saw a pearl necklace. Suddenly & I mean @ once I KNEW!! There was no doubt at all. & the price was good for me as well. That was about 2-3 weeks before our unit party. The night of the party I watched my co-worker open my gift to her with much anticipation! She came over to me & said, “Therese, how did you know? This is just what I needed! Last night I broke my pearl necklace. I just love this!!”—— So, You too will Know, that You Know… The right avenue. Right now you’ve found the one’s that aren’t right for you & yours. Maybe The Lord wants you to right a book about this adventure!………. Take Care! Therese

  96. We live in a suburb of Los Angeles and back in the day when the home improvement shows were all the rage, we were approached by one production company to be one of the guinea pigs so to speak for their pilot show of improving mobile homes, or manufactured homes as they are sometimes called. We filled out an application and went down to LA for a videotaped interview with all our 5 kids. We homeschool as well and we wholeheartedly follow the Lord and after they tried to pursue us further, we turned it down because we didn’t want them to twist any part of our lives into what could be a bad testimony for the Lord or for homeschooling. We could have really used the improvements they might have made to our home, but we chose to forego any gain for the sake of Christ. (Phil 3:7)

  97. When facing decisions and looking for personal revelation from God, here is some wise advice from Him: “you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your boson shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought.” That’s the confusion you’re having. I have had personal experience with this and know it is true! My husband and I were faced with deciding between 2 job opportunities. One option was obviously better “logically” and we kept asking God to give us the peace of mind to know it was the right decision. We were left confused. Come to find out, if we would have chosen that option, we would have ended up jobless quite quickly. God knows! Trust Him!

  98. As many of the others have said, God is not the author of confusion. Another verse that came to my mind was “Whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” If you can’t in good faith step out and do this thing, then don’t do it. I believe you are a making a biblical decision to say no right now when you don’t have clear direction. If it’s not clear that you should move, then stay put! You may not understand the why right now, but just rest on God’s Word, and not on your feelings or on the circumstances or even on what other people are doing (even if it’s right for them.)

  99. Hi Courtney! Love your blog! It’s so funny that you posted your ‘confusion’ today because I was just reading an e-mail yesterday from Pastor Rick Warren. The email said, ‘What do you do when you know something is God’s will, but you’re scared to death to do it? You do it anyway! And once you start doing it, the faith will come. God doesn’t do the miracle first. No. He wants you to step out in faith.
    Face your fears. If you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll never get anything done: “Those who wait for perfect weather will never plant seeds” (Ecclesiastes 11:4 NIV).’
    Best of luck to you in your decision making!

  100. I’ll pray for you as you come to mind.

    Sometimes decisions can be so hard, especially when they effect your entire family.

    Thank the Lord for the umbrella of our husband’s and their leadership-that is always one of my guides. Ask my man’s opinion, listen to what he thinks, pray, read, and wait.

    If this is God’s plan, He will re-open the door! Hugs to you as you seek to follow!

  101. I know (somewhat) you have been going through. I have had some really tough decisions placed in front of me lately and I had no idea which way to go. There were a few different options and two of them would have led where I wanted to go, one immediately and one eventually. I prayed about it for a few days but was still confused which way to go if any or if it just wasn’t the right thing to do at all at the moment. But then one day, as I sat at my computer chatting with a friend the answer just came to jump in. It was clear as it could be. That is God. If the confusion is all you are hearing then God may be saying not yet. It isn’t no, just not now. I agree with all the other advice you have gotten that God is not the author of confusion. When you get his answer it will be clear. Until then we are to wait. God Bless.

  102. Hi Courtney,
    I only recently got connected with your blog, but I have had a similar experience with feelinig confused over an important decision a few years back and continually questioning which way God wanted me to go. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that it was possible that God was okay with either decision that I chose to make. Do you think that is possible here? I definitely don’t claim to be a Biblical expert, but in the end, I did what in heart I desired the most, and although I was scared and felt uncomfortable with my decision at first, I can now say I am very happy with where and who I am today because of that decision, and I feel closer to God for it. Good luck with finding clarity. In some situations, I do think you have to step over your feelings to get where you need to be.

  103. Before I became a “serious” Christian, HUbby and I were very confused about moving to another state. Oh, now looking back, there were signs I mean BIG signs. THe day of the move my car all of a sudden broke down and needed $300 worth of work to get it going! We ignored the signs and tried to move. It turned into the most expensive wrong desicion in my life, BUT we tried it anyhow and it costed us alot. I have learned that if I am not at PEACE with something and I am CONFUSED to the point it is constantly on my mind..its not from God. He will bring clarity to you. If this was and is his will for you, he will bring it around again. he knows your heart. He knows which time you will choose. 🙂

  104. Confusion is so not from God, it says we are NOT to draw attention to ourselves,and reality tv draws attention. We were at a conference that had the Duggar family and after their appearance it was obvious that they talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. It was very sad to see that, it would be ashame to have you fall into that same situation. Very proud that you are not doing this.

  105. Courtney, I am amazed at how many of your readers are telling you that confusion is not from God and are urging you that you have made the right decision. I firmly believe that only goodness can come from you being more readily available to the public as an example of Christian goodness, and goodness in general. You are a wonderful speaker, a bright, happy heart, and you are one who should be shown to many. Also I firmly believe that when a problem or situation is shown again and again you have to look more closely at it. My father has a saying “if in doubt, don’t” but he has led his life as a very stilted man. I love him dearly but you have to have the spirit of optimism and courage sometimes. If we all stopped dead in our tracks every time we felt confused, we’d not go very far in life or take any risks, ever. I would encourage you to be brave and to shine as a good example. And I think Angela is a lovely spirit too -if pink eye is going to stop you, you aren’t looking to go far. How man stories have you heard of false starts or embarassing beginnings and then eventual success? I really think you should think more and tell them that you have not fully decided to abandon the option of a show yet. They want to satisfy your concerns and help you every step, and you have seen the same offer again and again……. I think that’s the sign, Courtney. Not the pink eye, lol!

    1. Hi Sarah,

      I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts to Courtney. Since you mentioned me, I just wanted to take the moment and clarify a few things. I had been in prayer for almost a week concerning this issue, I was wrestling with it and seeking my Lord’s guidance. To be honest with you, I was very unsettled…..but I strive to live my life in obedience to my Lord and so I wanted to fully pray over this matter and to proceed with the process until I felt my Lord saying “No.” My purpose in life is not to “go far”……my purpose in life is to point others to Jesus. I don’t want fame, or “success” in the world’s eyes……I just want to lead an obedient life to my Lord and to follow where He leads. There were many reasons why I said “no” to this opportunity but I do not believe that contracting Pink-Eye was a coincidence…..last week I had tried two other times to do the Skype interview and for various other reasons was not able to. 🙂 Once I made the final decision not to go forward I felt and still feel at total peace with my decision. 🙂 I felt a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I am all about being brave and living boldly for my Lord…..I’m all about stepping out in faith but for this opportunity I felt I my Lord saying, “No” to me and so I released it. 🙂

      1. Angela -that is the thing. If you are at peace, then it must be the right decision for you. And after more than one hurdle in the way of your interview. I’m sorry if you thought I meant not going far as in making a huge deal of your life in front of others -more I meant go far in a decision making process if something like pink eye would hold you back. I can see from your explanation that it was more than just that (it did seem trivial at first, lol), but if Courtney is not at peace, then it may not be the right thing for her to stop at. I do think that peace comes when you have made the right decision from your heart. You may have, but maybe she has not -oh I’m sad if we don’t see you join her if she goes ahead, but you must do what’s right for you and your family. Xx

  106. Courtney, thanks for this post. I’m not going to attempt to give you any advice, but I do want to thank you for your sharing your struggle. We are going through a big decision right now. And although it’s one not quite as glamorous as yours – changing churches – it’s very important to our family, and I totally get what you’re feeling. I keep waiting for the peace that I know should be there and it seems to come and go! The facts say one thing and my heart says another; one day I’m sure and the next…not so much!! May God bless you and your family more than you ever could have imagined.

  107. Oh goodness thank you for your post today. First of all I believe that God will answer your prayer about this whole thing. Just have faith. It really touched my heart bc I’ve been beside myself about my career choice as an accountant when I really want to be a SAHM and have my own photography business Also my husband and I are youth pastors and have a toddler. So none the less life is crazy. I prayed about Fasting and now I am doing the Daniel fast to seek after more of Him. The enemy’s attacks and confusion have been very strong But I know my God is bigger…..stay encouraged and remember confusion is not from HIM 🙂

  108. Hi Courtney!
    I’m in agreement with you & many others that God’s ‘obvious’ doors don’t include confusion. I’ve personally experienced His hand visually showing me His path and though it didn’t make logical sense, it did feel peaceful! I stress the word PEACEFUL!! I believe God put the date 2013 in your heart and mind for a purpose. It isn’t 2013 yet!! Keep praying & faithfully seeking His face to guide you with wisdom & discernment. As long as you keep Him as your focal point He will graciously shower you more than you can dare to dream up on your on! I can’t wait to hear how He reveals His plan for you and your family in the coming year!! 😉 God Bless!!

  109. Hi Courtney,
    You had so many comments on this post that I didn’t have time to read them all!

    But I do want to encourage you in something, so if it’s a repeat, then hear it twice.
    It is true that confusion is not of God, but our emotions can be so hyped and our thoughts can run wildly that we can be confused and have difficulty thinking clearly; it’s simply a lot vibrating in our brain and emotions -not necessarily confusion as in a contradiction from God but more an overwhelm of activity. Only you can know and follow God’s direction for your life, I’m just affirming that it’s okay to say, “Wait, all is moving a bit too fast, I need to slow down and seek counsel.”
    I know nothing of your offer or what you would be agreeing to, nor any of the details. I am talking to “How you come about conclusions.” I am speaking to responding biblically to decisions.
    You mentioned that all that you had a problem with was resolved, are you sure that you don’t have some other hesitations that you just didn’t mention to this company and that is why you held back?

    Love your blog, and can tell I love you! We must be so careful when we speak of signs from God. The other day we were all packed to go on vacation and as I loaded the cooler the freezer felt cool, not frozen. Oh boy. We had to call and stop a repairman and wait for him to come. Hours later, much later than I would have wanted for sure since we were driving pretty far, there he lay behind my freezer shaking his head. But we didn’t take this as a sign to not go on vacation, we just did what we needed to do. We waited for him to fix it. If we had needed to catch a plane, and no one else could take c`are of the freezer, and we couldn’t reschedule the ticket, then we would have just needed to stay at home. But it wouldn’t be a sign. If there was no other way, then yes, it would have proven to be God’s will to stay not go, but sometimes there are just obstacles to overcome, plain and simple. And the fact that something was 3 times or 4 times or 7 times, doesn’t necessarily have a specific significance. Obedience is what has significance.
    You might consider looking at the context of the passage where God is not the author of confusion. It was talking about peaceful, controlled, and common sense order. It was not talking about anytime someone seems perplexed on what to do.

    Sometimes we need to just slow it down so that we can think about the domino affect from the decisions in front of us before we can proceed.
    I hope this helps as you shuffle through it all in your mind and in your prayers.

  110. Hi Courtney! I just came upon your blog recently and am so blessed by you! I just thought I’d share that I too just recently went through a time of confusion after making what I thought was a great decision for my family, but then out of nowhere I began to meet opposition. At first I thought the opposition was from the enemy because I was sure that God would want me to go ahead with what I was planning but then I began to see that God was the one closing the doors. He didn’t reveal Himself right away though. I was so confused and kept in prayer and then one day out of nowhere I met a woman who gave me counsel and encouragement and love, and I just knew that God was using her to speak to me. It was incredibly humbling because I knew He was working. I agree with so many of the others that God is not the author of confusion and while the opportunity to reach many women would be undoubtedly there, I can’t help but think of a post I just read yesterday by Emily over at chattingatthesky.com. It was about how our souls were not made for fame. She shared the finale of American Idol where Phillip Phillips displays incredible humility with the announcement of his winning. He can’t even speak, much rather sing and then simply walks into the arms of his family. Your blog is such an inspiration. God is using you every single day. You are reaching women all over the world. Maybe this is where He wants you. I will be praying that you will receive your clear answer soon. I know you will, it’s just a matter of time…in His time =) Love and Blessings!

  111. Hi Courtney, I wanted to add that you mentioned not wanting to shoot until 2013, maybe God is going to do something in your life between now and then to prepare you even greater for what’s ahead. Maybe you will have a reality show someday, but maybe now isn’t the time He wants you to move forward with it. Maybe a great testimony is the works! I pray for peace and clarity for you!

  112. Courtney, I’ve enjoyed your blog for several months now and I was actually relieved to hear that you turned down the offer. I believe that television would have taken you AWAY from your original intent – to live a simple life of being a wife and a mother. I truly feel that you made right decision and concur with the others who cite the scripture – the Lord is not the author of confusion.

    If this were of the Lord, you would certainly have felt His peace, your husband would have been enthusiastically encouraging you and it would fit unbelievably and seamlessly into your life.

    I cannot imagine your being able to manage a show biz life and still maintain the integrity of your home as it currently is. I hope I haven’t rambled on too long. Just wanted to encourage you and say I think you made the right decision! 🙂

    God bless and keep you,

  113. I am confident that you and your husband will make the right decision for you and your family. Just don’t let the “What ifs” you talked about before with the first company follow you to the end. Four opportunities, none of which you searched out or desired (craved the attention of man), came to you “out of the blue” so to speak. If your heart is truly seeking the Lord and He has placed this opportunity in front of you, don’t let your fear of man stop you from reaching far the message of God to a huge audience. If this is not from God and you move forward, with the prayer that He guide and protect, then He will do just that. If this in NOT for His glory, He will stop it from happening no matter how hard you press forward, if your heart is seeking His.

    Do not be afraid of what man can do to you.

  114. Dear Courtney,

    You know…… God knows how to make himself clear! If he wants something
    from us or wants to be clear he can put a burning bush of flame upon our
    hearts. God can be clear it just is not always what we hoped for.
    Sometimes, he clearly uses emotions we are not fond of to teach us something we need
    for the future. Sometimes, we just need to wrestle in surrender until God
    gives us an answer. Wrestle with God maybe. He loves our attention!
    I too am waiting on God to give me answers. I am a worshiper. I would
    love to record, I believe it will be one day. I have resources near me, but in it I don’t totally have
    peace. HOWEVER, I have a HUGE desire in my heart to bless the world in
    worship and voice! SO* I wait* and let the conflict in my heart teach me
    and in it all God is birthing something beautiful. I must have FAITH!
    My Mama gave me a CD set of Joyce Meyer’s “Something’s Got To Change”…..
    She talked about her experience in it. That she was a mom of 3, that
    stayed home, and the Lord told her one day that she will speak the word to the
    world. SHe thought that was crazy and so did those around her! After that time she
    went from teaching 500 people weekly to 50 people and she felt confused why
    God had moved her in that direction. BUT THEN…God used it!!! And look
    what has become of it all now…she doesn’t even have a degree! Love it!!!
    I know you have deep things in your heart to share with the world. You can
    see that all over your writings on your blog and how much you care. I too have the same things
    for music and worship.
    We have to remember, that God can be clear just like he was with Moses on that
    mountain AND that HE likes to do things in odd ways that take FAITH.


  115. Oh Courtney, I know the ache of a confused and unsettled heart. And the restlessness that comes with just wanting to know God’s perfect will so He is pleased.

    Perhaps it might be beneficial to spend some time with the Lord searching your heart’s motives for saying “yes”, and your heart’s motives for saying “no”.

    In 1 Thessalonians 4:3, we are told “For this is the will of God, your sanctification…”
    Sanctification in this verse, according to the Greek translation means “the course of life befitting those so separated – used of the separation of the believer from evil things and ways.” This sanctification is God’s will for the believer.

    God’s will is for each of us is our sanctification. Which will be more sanctifying in you, saying “yes” or saying “no”?

    According to the London Baptist Confession, the chief end of man is “to glorify God and to enjoy him forever”. Which will bring God the most glory, saying “yes” or saying “no”? In which capacity will you be able to enjoy Him most?

    You have a beautiful heart, Courtney. I’m praying that your heart is peaceful very soon, and that God’s wisdom and direction become very clear. Many, many blessings to you and your family.

  116. Courtney, I applaud you for praying over all exciting opportunities. While I would love to see your family on TV as a wonderful example of a godly family unit, (such as the Duggars,) I also think about families such as John and Kate that have been hurt and broken apart by the fame and press. You are wise to be careful about this! That being said, if it is God’s will, He’ll give you peace. He is a God of peace and not confusion. All of that being said, I think if everything works out, the show would be such an awesome testimony. I can’t wait to see what happens with this! 🙂

  117. Be very careful for sure. Fame, money, popularity.. does not equate to being in God’s will, in and of itself. I think of Jesus and his disciples… today’s American Christianity just doesn’t seem to match what I know about how it was when God himself and his chosen men walked this earth. I mean, just think of this… Christianity SELLS. Companies are making money off of blogger’s ( & others faith in Christ). Furthermore, the devil is the “prince of the power of the air” and I think that goes for the “air-waves” too.

    I Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

    Ephesians 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:

    II Peter 2:2-3 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.
    And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.

    I’m praying for you, Courtney.

  118. One thing I have learned in my walk is that God doesn’t lead us to live in fear. But to be the light in the dark. TV is so full of junk, it is getting better. But you could really be a light for thoughs that are in the dark. For thoughs that have not stumbled upon your blog. To show women it is ok to be women and to take pride in thier faith, marriage, home and kids. That can be enough!
    With God by your side, whom then shall you fear?
    Have a good lawyer that understands you and your beliefs look over any contracts and trust in God. Plant thous seeds and reep the harvest you plant.
    God bless you.

  119. Personally, as someone looking for examples of how to be a godly proverbs 31 woman I would be disappointed to see it commercialised or made a tv program out of. Would the world see Jesus or someone trying another way to get famous? I love this blog and it has impacted by life in a big way by what you teach and your example. You ARE impacting people for Jesus Coutrney… How I teach my kids is going to change because of your Godly example . I am a new Chistian raised in a secular family, I need good examples like you! Who knows how many they in turn my kids will impact, how many will I impact? The possibilities are endless.

  120. Good for you, Courtney.
    If you are feeling confused, then it is not from God.
    Anytime I have ignored that confused, unsettled feeling and went ahead with something, I have found that I have regretted it afterwards.
    Best regards,
    a reader from Canada

  121. Courtney, I am reading this late, and you may not read this comment. But I wanted to comment because I have been in many situations and had to make many decisions “not knowing” for sure. I have been mind boggled confused many times… Honestly, I believe this is part of the process of spiritual growth.

    What God wants from us is faith. We don’t have to be perfectly clear on everything. We can be confused and full of self-doubt and still make a decision in faith, because faith is rooted in God, not us. We can say, “I am doing X because I know God to be Y and X is in best keeping with His character.”

    Someone once commented to Mother Teresa that they would love to know God’s plan for their life like she did. She looked at them and said something to the effect that she never knew, from day to day, she just stepped out each day in faith and did what was before her.

    You have acted in faith as best you know, and that is pleasing to God. And the testing of your faith is precious, friend!

  122. I agree with what many of the others wrote about God not being a God of confusion. I know though that in those times of confusion we have the opportunity to draw into God and learn to be still in His presence. The hardest part is to be still because, I know I don’t like stillness. Stillness gives me an uneasiness but stillness is quite refreshing. I hope that you seek Him and sit in His presence. I hope that you find peace in His stillness so that you can, not necessarily ‘know what to do” but that you can truly experience His presence.

  123. This morning I thought of Nehemiah in the Bible. Chapter 6 verse 3 says, “And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?” I thought of how many things can pull us away from being home, being wives and mothers. How many things, both good and bad, that can confuse us. But if we remember how very important every single minute is, the work we do in our homes, we can stand strong.

    Mrs. White
    The Legacy of Home

  124. I believe that at times in our growth, God is more attentive to HOW we make decisions than exactly what outcome we choose. At times, I believe God gives us more than one good choice to which there is no right answer (similar to whether we allow our children to choose to have a hot dog or a hamburger for dinner) and in those situations, God develops our wisdom in how we go about the choice-making process. It sounds to me like you have been God-seeking, unselfish and sincere in your desire to make a wise choice for your life & family. I am sure that God is honored and pleased with how you have gone about this process. So now that you have made the decision, don’t second guess it. When in doubt, it’s good to go with your gut, because the Holy Spirit may be speaking to your intuition.

    I also am sure, that He will not allow you to miss out on an opportunity that is key to His plan for you, and if a show of any sort is in your future, God will again bring about the right opportunity at the right time and in the right spirit. Though you may be anxious because it is new ground, you will have a different sense about it, I’m sure. It may be that these other opportunities that you have passed up will give you a guideline to know when the right fit comes along because you will have something that wasn’t right to contrast it with.

  125. This past Sunday at church, my pastor said something pretty interesting as we’re studying Jonah verse by verse: (totally not quotable but I can get it pretty close!) Just because there is an “open door” doesn’t mean it’s from God. Jonah for example had 2 open doors. One toward God (Nineveh) and one away from God (Tarshish). Granted, Jonah’s “doors” seem obvious; we still need to use the discernment our Father gives us to determine which way that door could lead us. The “no” you keep giving the producers most definitely sounds like the Holy Spirit.
    …don’t know if you actually have the time to read all of your responses but I sure hope God speaks to you through them. …just realized, wow! what a support team you have here! 😀

  126. I know I’m commenting late, and there’s about 150 before mine, which I only read a few of, but I thought I’d share a short story of my own. About 6 months ago, my husband and I had to make a big decision, and I was extremely confused…I sounded just like this post of yours. The difference in my story is that my husband was confident. Everyday I wavered…I would be in agreement with my hubby one day, and then I’d bring out hundreds of reasons I disagreed the next day…It was awful!! Finally, my husband asked me to trust him and he made the decision. It took a couple of months, but I finally recognized that it was the BEST decision…a HARD decision, and I’m still saddened over our loss…still unsure of what God is doing with us and where He’s leading, but I’m confident that we did His will. So, basically, I’m praying for you, and I’m thankful that God rules and overrules… you can’t miss out on His will if you’re seeking Him!

  127. Thank you Courtney for being so real, and so vulnerable (trusting the Lord to be your protector). God is certainly not the author of confusion. But sometimes we end up in confusion that He has not authored. That is the time to rest in Him, and let His peace rule in our hearts. Sometimes that is standing still, and other times it is taking steps of faith. He is a loving Father. This may be an exercise to build faith, hope, or love. That is my prayer for you. I sense that He wants you to realize something that He has already worked in you. Maybe it is the love for the people you would reach with His love. Maybe it is the hope that believes that He is with you, even in confusion. Maybe it is faith, that knows that He will do exceeding abundantly, beyond what you can ask or understand. You share yourself, and your Lord so freely. Thank you.

  128. Hi Courtney!
    I just wanted to encourage you to guard your home. I love your blog and your heart echoes how I strive to live, run my home, joyfully serve and submit to my husband and train my children to be obedient and love the Lord. There are many decisions when asking my husbands opinion where he doesn’t have one and leaves it up to me. That is when I make the decision based on what would be best for my family. Guard this prescious time while your children are young and home.

  129. Courtney- You are an amazing witness. I have no doubt that your decision is the right one.
    It really blesses me to see everyone giving you their heart felt advice. I even have to wonder if they are giving some advice to you, because its something they want for themselves. 🙂 ( I would love to watch a reality show about YOU!) I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. I offer my heartfelt love, and support, and lift you up in prayer. Thank you so much for including us all in on your journey. Thank you also for being a role model for us all. <3<3<3<3<3<3

  130. P.S. Also, by reading everyone’s posts today, I have been blessed and strengthened. So by them posting to you, I have been blessed! THANKS EVERYONE! <3<3<3<3<3

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