When It Feels Like No One Understands

When It Feels Like No One Understands

 One thing I’ve learned from Facebook, is that all of us are going through a lot of similar things.  When one mom complains of her child not napping, 5 more moms are there to say, “Mine too!”  When someone mentions her frustration with all the laundry piling up, we all do a cyber nod in agreement.  And when another complains of headaches, someone is there to say “I’ve been there and here’s what helped me.”

We all have common struggles with husbands, children, our work and stress load and just living life on planet earth.


Our puzzles are all different.

One woman has a child with special needs while another is raising a gifted child.

One woman has a romantic, sensitive husband while another has a husband who has anger issues and he screams and yells at everyone in the house.

One woman struggles to make ends meet while another is going on her third vacation of the year.

One woman has a husband who doesn’t work while another is married to a workaholic.

One woman has a traveling husband who calls everyday while another woman has a husband who is off the grid for military reasons for weeks on end.

One woman is running a marathon while another suffers from a debilitating disease.

Our puzzles are different.

And here’s the key…don’t think for one moment that the woman with the Prada purse on her shoulder — who is on her third vacation this year has less problems than anyone else.  Her purse still holds junk–secret pain and dissatisfaction.

We’ve seen it on television –famous music, television and movie stars commit suicide. Why?  They have it ALL!  Because life is hard and we all have struggles that beat us down and  fame, fortune, power, and even health and wealth can’t fill that empty void that God has placed inside of us that only he can fill.

All of our lives are riddled with trials, hardships and circumstances that truly no one else can understand.  I’ve even contemplated that my husband, who shares the same house, kids, marriage and trials as me, does not really understand — because he’s not married to himself! lol!  He’s married to me…and that makes his puzzle different.

But Jesus…He sees and He knows.

Jesus understands.

He can sympathize with our struggles because He was born to die for us. It is hard for me to  imagine the struggles Jesus faced…because when I’m tempted, often times I just give in. For example, when my kids drive me nuts –I yell. Then I apologize.

Jesus felt temptation to the fullest degree because He did not give in. He suffered deeply –for us.  We serve a God who understands.

Hebrews 4:15 says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.”

Our God is not a distant God –He came near by dying on the cross for our sins and after he rose from the dead –before he ascended into heaven, his last words were that he would send the Holy Spirit –the ultimate comforter to be with his children.

You do not walk this road alone.  You are a child of the King!  He is with you every step of the way.

Somedays it may feel like no one understands…until you hop onto facebook or a blog with a writer you relate to.  Often times I breathe a sigh of relief to find that my marriage is normal or my kids are normal!  My Christian sisters have helped me through some of my greatest common struggles…but it’s through my deep study of God’s word and through prayer that I’ve found comfort in my individual struggles.

And so I urge you, draw near to God in his word and prayer.  Open to the gospels, breathe in his love and truth and exhale all your burdens.

Jesus said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

He already knows your burdens.  You need rest…you might as well set down that burden and talk to Him about it.  I can guarantee you –He FULLY understands.

 Walk with the King,

Are you desperate to find joy in your walk with God, marriage, parenting and home…

I wrote this book for you:

1 WLW cover


  1. The one thing I have learned through mentoring women for 10 years, from women who’se husbands were having affairs to newly engaged young women, to strengthen their roots in Jesus. Walk with Him. Know Him. Abide in Him so they can experience the peace and joy He came to give them in the midst of any circumstances they find themselves in. He is our Rock on which we stand. Great post, Courtney.

  2. Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. God used you just now in writing that, and it’s what I needed to be reminded of. Blessings and thank you.

  3. Wow. I love this!

    So many times I feel like I’m doing this thing alone and no one understands what I’m going through. It’s nice to meet others online that help me realize I’m not really alone. It’s even better to be reminded of the truth that Christ understands and deeply cares.

    Thank you for this reminder, Courtney!

  4. “My Christian sisters have helped me through some of my greatest common struggles…but it’s through my deep study of God’s word and through prayer that I’ve found comfort in my individual struggles” – this resonated the most with me. I can read books, quotes, or get encouragement from friends, and they all help…but EVERY trial or stronghold in my life has been freed through scripture. I’ve now learned when I’m going through something difficult to ask God to show me scripture which will free me from the burden I feel.

    Thanks for your encouragement! 🙂

  5. wow i so need this fighting my own fight lately with the kids battling my depression and anxiety. thank you

  6. This is great! Lots of times people easily assume that those with money or lots of vacations have perfect lives, and like you said, it’s not true. We all have our struggles and need Jesus. Great reminder for us all. You are an awesome writer and woman of God. 🙂 Lauren, lholmes79.wordpress.com

  7. Love the timing of this post. I was just thinking today how separated I feel many times. This week I’ve spent many hours on my knees seeking Him. I’m so glad He showed me through you He is here. Thank you!!

  8. Great post! So true…. It’s so easy to get on Facebook or a blog and think that everyone else’s life is going better than mine, but I think that’s mainly because most people only post about what is going well in their lives and we often shy away from sharing our struggles or encouraging one another…so many missed opportunites to be real and authentic. Thanks for the encouragement! Very much appreciated!

  9. Your timing was amazing or should I say gods timing is amazing. Thank u for being his vessel been a rough wk well last few mths have been rough many times I do feel alone and think others have it so easy because the have well. Behaved kids a husband who is walking in the ways of god And on and on

  10. Courtney, You touched my heart today! I’ve been feeling like such a failure as a Mother because my only child, my son is struggling. Thank you so much for reminding my that God is standing next to me and my child EVERYDAY and through EVERY struggke. God Bless You!

  11. So true! And how often we rate our value according to how well we can handle our problems and issues, and we feel less if someone else has it figured out (especially us women!)

    Can I share some material that has helped me tremendously to understand that my value doesn’t come from my achievements or possessions:http://www.identitywars.org Check out the audio series (it’s free), I really liked it. And the first few chapters of the book are offered free online.After reading this, I can better understand why so many people who seem to have it all are still depressed and feel worthless. As Christians we have the greatest gift ever: value in knowing we are children of God. But do we believe it?

  12. ‘One woman has a child with special needs while another is raising a gifted child.’ Children with special needs are also gifted! There is no comparison!

    1. And often, our Gifted Children also have Special Needs, believe me. There is usually a imbalance that needs adjustment, no matter where you are with this!!!

  13. Thank you Courtney for allowing God to use you authentically.So many times we as people show our best it is hard to see we all have struggles. This is definitely a word from God amen. Over at myblog New Beginnings I share my transparency on this nursing journey God and I are on. http://horizions.blogspot.com/ God Bless.

  14. Thank you for sharing this. I desperately needed the reminder that I am not to look to the left or to the right, but to the cross, and the Only One Who understands my pain and can carry me through. Was feeling very defeated this morning, and I am so glad God used you to speak to me and encourage me. Isn’t He so good??

  15. Great post!! This is so true for me too: “My Christian sisters have helped me through some of my greatest common struggles…but it’s through my deep study of God’s word and through prayer that I’ve found comfort in my individual struggles.”

  16. Oh.my.goodness. I SO needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing and reminding me to keep my eyes on Jesus!

  17. Thank you for posting this it was very enlightening. I have sent this to my Daughter and Granddaughter and other friends of the family as well. Hope they will get something out of this as I did. God Bless you and your family.

  18. This morning on our radio station here in Austin, TX-Spirit 105.9, they read from your blog this morning! It was so exciting to hear your words of encouragement being used to encourage those in a whole city!

  19. This is what I needed to hear today. God always knows even when everyone else has no clue what I’m dealing with.

  20. Thank you for these words of wisdom… How many times do I get discouraged when I don’t have the money to work on fixing up my home and then I am reminded of others who have less than I do. I know the answers to all my difficulties in life are found in God’s word. He alone can help me. But, I still struggle from time to time And it helps to be reminded that there are reasons that I have to endure sickness or emotional trauma in my life for something better ahead. Thanks for your blog.

  21. I very much appreciate authors like you who are genuine and real. God’s timing is amazing, I needed this article today. I agree wholeheartedly that we frequently feel like we are all alone, but we really are not. God is always with us and we always have friends just a click away. Thank you, thank you for being His vessel and writing this, it has touched many hearts.

  22. I read my emails from you every day and I LOVE them! I can’t tell you how much your blog spoke to me today! Thanks so much! I pray that God will continue to give you this wonderful voice that speaks to us all!

  23. Though I understand the heart of the matter you are saying, having money makes life much, much easier and takes away so many problems. Let me explain…

    My husband and I were married after college and were poor, full of student debt. Hubby then went to get his MBA and I started having babies. We had 5 babies in 8 years and lived in a 2 bedroom home (living room was used as a bedroom)! Ever been broke down on a road with 3 youngsters in tow…walking 2 miles {remind you – with three kids in tow!!} to the nearest store to call for help. Nowaday, I just press OnStar. For the first 5 years of our marriage, we couldn’t afford medical care or dental care for our children or ourselves. Nowadays, I just walk into my doctor and hand them a medical insurance card. We didn’t see our parents for the first 9 years of our marriage because we couldn’t afford flights (we both came from poor families and they couldn’t either). Nowadays, we log onto the internet, book a flight, and visit each of our parents twice per year and we fly them out all at Christmas.

    We were poor, dirt poor, for the first 10 years of our marriage. Out of everything that we didn’t have, the lack of healthcare and bonds with our familiy suffered the most. All because we didn’t have money.

    It’s a shame when bloggers try to convince people that money doesn’t equal happiness. I have lived on both sides of the fence and I will testify that having money makes everything so much easier. Until one has lived in on both sides of the fence like we have, I believe they should refrain from trying to convince poor folks that money doesn’t equal happiness.

    Trials when you have money are ten times easier when trials when you don’t have money. When you have money, you can tithe at church. When you have money, you can afford doctors when your child has a serious health problem. When you have money, you can afford counselors when a member of your family needs mental health care. When you have money, you can fly your parents to visit your grandkids each year. When you have money, you can afford a car to be able to get to work (buses don’t run in small towns).

    Bottom line, when you go through trials and you have money, it is completely different than going through trials without money.

    1. I agree, we too have been on both sides of the fence. I am thankful that the Lord brought us out of those times when we really struggled but I am also thankful that we went through it. It gave us eyes to see the needy and now we have the resources to help on occasions.

  24. Love this post! When I was potty training my oldest I was having a tough time in general with money, motherhood, etc. I remember being on facebook, looking at pictures of my single friend vacation, some exotic place. I remember thinking ‘wow, what a great life. I wish I could do that’ and then my little guy comes in and pees on the floor.

  25. Thank you Courtney! I have had a particularly difficult week and so this was very timely. I have been trying my best at my job to do the best I can plus be all I can be at home with my children all while trying to juggle school too, and do it alone as a single mother.. Sometimes life gets so hard like yesterday and I found myself crying my eyes out while on my lunch break asking God to fix it all. I am so thankful that you are in tune and listening for the voice of God because this was for me.

  26. It’s amazing how the Lord places people around us at the most crucial times, who have had similar experiences. The family of God works for His glory according to His purposes and perfect timing. Glory to Him.

  27. I am truly blessed in this season of my life to have a wonderful husband that loves me and is a Godly man. I am blessed that God has put my grandson in my home and I have the opportunity to raise him up to love Jesus. Thank you for reminding me that God always has my back. Blessings, Elaine

  28. Many times throughout the day I hear people telling others or even me that they know how someone feels. We may think we know how another feels, but to walk in their exact shoes and know for sure is impossible. I use to be guilty of thinking that those who seem happy and have it ‘together’ all the time had it made. The friend who had a husband was so luckly as he spoiled her and loved her so much. Truth be told, their marriage ended. On the outside it looked ok, but it really wasn’t. I think that we have gotten so good at putting on the mask that we can feel and act how we need to for any situation. To find that others struggle too, with similar issues is somehow freeing. I don’t always get to read all of your posts, but the ones that I do I really can connect with. I have peaks and valleys of busyness, but try to catch up when I can. Keep writing. You may never know the difference you are making around the world and in the hearts of women that you are touching as they sit in their homes reading your posts. Blessings to you and your family. Anita

  29. Courtney, you have given me such uplifting inspiration. I have been the “boss” of myself for so long. I have raised a child on my own, no support from dad. I built my own home. I pursued a nursing degree and have made a very good living. But all i ever wanted to be is a stay at home wife and mother like my beautiful mother. I have recently found a wonderful man who is giving me the chance to live my dream. I did something i thought i would never ever do. I quit my job. I stay home now and take of my man and my beautiful home. However it is a struggle every day to let him be the leader. I have been in control for so long i mess up a lot. but he is very patient and very kind to me and reminds me often that i am the women and he is the man. that its time for me to BE the women when i never had that chance before. So you can imagine the struggles i deal with on a daily basis. I however found a wonderful loving women, you courtney to teach me what its like to be a good wife. I am learning so much from you. Please know that I come to this website often during my day to remind me what a proverbs 31 women is and that I should strive to become one. With the help of God, you, and my husband I am loving the journey. Thank you so much for all you do for people like me.

  30. Great post! Thanks for sharing your heart! It is so easy to look at others and think they don’t have struggles. In my case, I am the one people tend to look and think that about. I have a very determined attitude. I have had a pretty bad year last year, and very few people could be there for me and continue to struggle to there because they don’t understand where I am at, and think I am fine. It is a lonely place when everyone thinks you don’t have troubles. One of the things I am learning is we are all here for a different reason. We have all been blessed with different gifts for different reasons. God wants to use all of us together as body. It takes the variety of our giftedness and the willingness/surrender of each person to do that. Just because I have one type of gift does not make me better or worse then any other person with a different gift. It makes me the beautifully unique person God created me to be!
    Thanks again for such an honest post.

  31. SO true. I told my husband recently (after ANOTHER crisis had come into our lives) that I was pretty sure there must be someone – ANYONE – out there who didn’t have the amount of struggles we do. I mean, REALLY! And then I realize what you said is true – “don’t think for one moment that the woman with the Prada purse on her shoulder – who is on her third vacation this year has less problems than anyone else. Her purse still holds junk–secret pain and dissatisfaction.” Wow. That is profound!

  32. Well this was not what I expected when I started reading the article. “. . . can’t fill that empty void that God has placed inside of us that only he can fill.” Well, I have felt an “empty void” all of my life. I have tried every religion I could find to fill it (including yours) along with lots of other things. Nothing works. Fairy tales & mythological beings do nothing. I am sure that what I am writing is not popular here.

    Sometimes when we feel like no one understands us, it is because we do not understand ourselves, & no external force can change that.

  33. I know you wrote this post over a year ago, but God placed this in my path tonight when I really needed it. Relying on myself and struggling through issues is too hard and this was a great reminder that He came and died for us so that we did not have to struggle alone! I am so thankful for finding this tonight and I am so thankful for the Lord’s grace.

  34. Thank you Courtney! I truly needed to hear this this morning. I’ve been so discouraged and am comparing our family struggles to everyone else who seems to have it all together. My husband has been out of work for 7 months and can’t find anything. Thank you for reminding me to confide in the true source, Jesus. God bless!

  35. I can so relate to this! Great post!! I was doing the comparison thing not long ago, and feeling sorry for myself because people we know (that can afford to) were traveling yet again, and from there it turned into a pity party and it was a mess. I am a stay at home mom by choice, and my husband pointed out that nobody we know is doing this on one income, and has been doing so for 8 years, and since that’s where our heart is, we value our choice (even though it can cause financial stress – but God always provides for our needs). After he pointed that out, I began to realize that as financially strapped as we are, God has given our family good health – and that is something money can’t buy. At least not in the medical issues these folks have. So while I agree life is “smoother” when you don’t have to stress about having enough money to pay the bills every month, money to buy plane tickets multiple times a year doesn’t necessarily equal pure bliss. We have never been able to purchase plane tickets to visit the parents every year, but we do manage to come up with the money to drive the 16 hours one way. I think Courtney got it right. I need to quit looking around and look up.

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