/ / / When You Are Tempted To Have An Affair {Proverbs 5}

When You Are Tempted To Have An Affair {Proverbs 5}

In a moment of weakness, it is easy to be tempted to emotionally attach to another person, or to have an affair. Here are 10 things we must remember. #Biblestudy #proverbs #WomensBibleStudy #GoodMorningGirls

In Proverbs 5 we are given a warning…it’s for our sons…but may we never think we are above falling.

Proverbs 5:3-8 says:

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
    and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
    sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
    her steps follow the path to Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
    her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me,
    and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
    and do not go near the door of her house,

A counselor recently shared with me how many wives struggle with feeling like they are married to the wrong person. Perhaps your husband is less spiritual, outgoing, kind, or romantic than you’d like.  So you might imagine, God wants something different for you.

But we must remember our vows – “For Better or Worse.”  And sometimes worse happens.

But we also must remember God’s Word says “what God has joined together – let not man separate.” (Mark 10:9)

Once you are married – God wants you married to the person you are married to – that is His will.

It’s in those weak moments, when we are having negative thoughts and feelings towards our husband, that we are most vulnerable to temptation.

Giving into temptation can lead to an affair.

Here are 10 Things to Consider When You Are Tempted to Have an Affair

1.) Beware of old flames – if you poke at an ember, it’s going to ignite a fire.

2.)  Draw boundaries on social media.  These boundaries will look different for everyone.

I see some couples share Facebook accounts.  I think that’s a great idea! I choose to not have male friends on Facebook at all.

I remember when I first started facebook many many years ago.  I accepted everyone who requested a friendship for fear that they would know I declined them. I also accepted some friends because I was very curious to see what had happened in their lives in the last 15 years. So I had friendships with both men and women on Facebook…and there were some very awkward moments.

There were moments when men I never talk to at church would start commenting on my status – it felt weird but it’s Facebook and this is what people do, so I accepted it and moved on. It wasn’t until I began to hear of marriages being broken and destroyed by these “innocent” Facebook friendships that I began to question if I should be friends with guys on Facebook.

I chose to delete all my guy friends except family members for my own protection. Am I saying everyone should do this? No – this is going to look different for everyone. But what I am saying is – watch your social media – guard your marriage.

3.) Take note – do you dress to get male attention?  Is there a guy – perhaps a neighbor, at the gym, in your workplace, school or church who you think is attractive. Do you find yourself hoping to catch his eye?

Stop.

Look at Proverbs 5 – keep your way FAR from Him!

4.) Never be alone with a guy you feel attracted to.

5.) Confess your temptation out loud to God.

6.) Tell someone about your temptation – someone who will be FOR your marriage.

7.) Do not be closer to another guy emotionally than you are to your own husband.  Emotional affairs usually start before physical affairs.

8.) Are you in an emotional affair right now?  Leave.  Change phone numbers, workout facilities, jobs, churches – whatever it takes to break off the emotional affair before it escalates.

“But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”
(James 1:14,15 ESV)

9.) Don’t assume your secret feelings will never be discovered.

Numbers 32:23 speaks of our sin being found out.  Often times, what we think is done in secret – no one will ever know.  But sin has a way of revealing itself.

10.) Remember, your sin is not just between you and this person.  Your sin has a ripple affect.  It will affect those around you – it hurts your husband, kids, friendships, and church and even the next generation.

As you read this list – has someone come to mind?  Someone you have fantasized about or you know you have impure thoughts about?

Go home.  Return to your first love.

“Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.”
Proverbs 5:15

Do not wander from God’s wisdom.

Walk with the King,

Courtney

**Chime In**

What advice would you give a woman who is struggling with these feelings?

Does your marriage need prayer today?  Share in the comments and let our community pray for you.

 

103 Comments

  1. I would explain to her that her purpose in life is not to “be happy” as many women think when deciding to leave their husbands for someone else, but we are to glorify the Lord in all that we do. Choosing to willfully sin against God and her husband will NEVER make her happy. The Bible states that true and abiding joy and happiness come from knowing God and living according to His ways; “Happy is the man that finds wisdom, and the man that gets understanding” {Proverbs 3:13} and wisdom from God commands that we don’t let anything or anyone tear asunder what God has joined together until death do us part. She needs to be a covenant keeper and keep her vows.

    1. I have struggled with adultery in my marriage on both sides,mine and his for the majority of our 20years of marriage. I want to be happy and do God’s will not mine. I think it wasn’t coincidence that I came across this site today.

    2. I’m actually a guy that has been tempted on multiple occasions by other women even after I tell them I’m married. I’ve never done anything the hinder my marriage. Was it easy? No! Also, I was honest with my wife and told her each time I was tempted. She doesn’t like it but she is grateful I never dai anything with another woman. July 1, 2020 will be our 20rh weeding anniversary.

  2. I feel like this article was written for me. Like God put it in front of me at this specific time for a reason. My marriage could definitely use some prayers right now. Thank you so much for this!!

    1. Casey – Please read my post today. I have been thru this. It’s a road you do NOT want to be on. praying for you and your marriage.

    2. I feel the exact same way, like it was wrote for my marriage as well. We just have to stay strong and the good will come out . I’m praying for you as well.

    3. Casey, be willing to forgive yourself and your husband. I find its often times harder to forgive myself than others. I pray you choose to stand strong. Hugs to you.

    4. I hope you’re situation has improved. I feel like my marriage has suddenly
      Received an attack in 3’s and I don’t gave a strong marriage, but I can fight this!! Great article
      Timing for me was meant to be

  3. What if you’ve already had the affair? You both got divorced b/c of it, THEN I turned my life over (he was already Christian) & now cannot seem to understand what we are to do? Are we to go back to our spouses? I can’t seem to find clarity on this. Any help would be great.

    1. Yes, Kim, go back to your husband. I have mentored women whose marriage was restored after having affairs and their marriages are now strong and happy. They use their suffering as a testimony for others of God’s redeeming love and transforming power in their lives. I encourage you to go to your husband and repent. Ask him for forgiveness and tell him you would love to work on your marriage again. Then you will have to have patience while he watches to see if you truly are a new person in Christ. Have a godly older woman in your life to support, encourage, direct and pray for you as you restore your marriage to a God-centered one. You can do it for with God ALL things are possible!

      1. Even after we have been together for 3+ years & my ex & I have been apart that long? It’s hard to let go of what we share.

      2. My name is Kim too….. I’ve been having an “emotional” affair for a few years now… that led to a physical affair…. the worst part part is…. it’s with another woman… so with that added dynamic I seemed to rationalize… which is a terrible thing to do…. that this person could offer things that my husband could not. I’m seeking counseling now to try and repair the damage I caused and heal from my wounds. I want my marriage to my husband to thrive and survive. God provided him special for me…. I know this because we were blessed with 3 beautiful children. We served as missionaries together for nearly 9 years and we have been through a lot together as a couple for over 21 years. Please pray that I will face my past with a discerning and learning heart. Prayers please for a marriage that can be revitalized and healthy again. I know God has forgiven me…. that hard part is letting go of the guilt and moving forward…. I yearn for restoration…. may mercy and grace be the key to wholeness

    2. It would be wise to take time first and get some biblical counsel. You have divorced. With divorce, there brings anger, hurt, and often other things. You don’t want to jump into remarrying each other right away. My parents divorced. They were both unbelievers. My mom became a believer and my dad began coming around a few months later. He prayed at the altar, but I’m not sure there was really a heart change. They were remarried in under a year. Things changed for a short time, but it was back to the same except they didn’t drink or smoke anymore. They divorced again 5 years ago. With an affair, trust is broken. Yes, forgiveness can happen, but you want to make sure you’ve dealt with the roots and pulled them up. Else the fruit will just grow back again.

    3. Kim, I highly recommend “Rejoice marriage ministries.org”. it’s a ministry that help us and support us to stand for marriage restoration not our way but God’s way.

      God bless, I will be praying for you.

    4. Kim, I highly recommend Rejoice Marriage Ministries as well. They have been a tremendous help to me as I stand for my marriage restoration. They have been one of the conduits God has used to help me understand His plan for marriage and turn away from the world’s view of it. WLW has been a great help as well. Proverbs 5:18 says “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” With God’s help and timing, you can find joy again with the husband of your youth. I’ll be praying for you, your husband and your marriage..

  4. Amen to this list! I have fallen into that trap and was on my way to divorce. But was restored to my husband. I wish I had this list before it happened. I think another good tip is to watch your hormones/emotions. Both were out of whack for me and that made me more vulnerable. Also, a general rule to ask yourself is, ‘ would I say or do this infront of my spouse?’ If you aren’t comfortable saying something or doing something infront of your spouse, perhaps it’s best to stay away from it. Great post!

  5. I have never had an affair but found myself attracted to the friend of my husband when we were first married. I could not understand myself. In the end I gathered my courage and told my husband, I expected a fight, I felt I had wronged the man I loved so deeply, he was hurt by my confession I will be honest, but after the hurt he helped me develop a plan. He wouldn’t ever leave my side in the presence of that friend. He payed more attention to me and my emotions when the friend was around and when he was not. He stepped in any time a man (any man) tried to hug me. It wasn’t jealousy that drove him, I had confessed my love for my husband and shame for the thoughts I had for another man and asked him to do these things.
    It was in the end, a growing experience for our marriage. We were drawn closer by my honesty. And I knew I could trust my husband fully with my heart by his response.
    I actually recommend this to anyone having impure thoughts, speak to your husband. It is hard, but it will save you from turning those thoughts into action.

    1. What a beautiful testimony to your husband’s love for you that in his hurt he did not push you away, but rather drew you closer! I love that you were honest with him. That is something my husband and I pledged to each other when we married (privately – not in our public vows because my pastor doesn’t let folks write their own). It is sometimes hard to be honest, but I have never had it hurt me. In fact, I have an eating disorder, and secrecy is a part of that. My ability to be honest with him without feeling judged has helped me deal with some of the secrecy of the ED. It’s been a wonderful experience.

    2. It is my belief that EVERY wife has this kind of attractions from time to time thru out their life, we are only human. I commend you for your complete honesty and your actions to curb these thoughts. Honesty to your husband is always the best policy. He is wise to be understanding and help you control your urges. You are both very lucky !!

  6. My husband and I are healing over my unfaithfulness which was revealed last May 2014. If you are in a tempting situation with another man I cannot reverberate enough to get out! It is mass destruction. I am walking this road of repentance and brokenness and there has been good that has come from it because God always brings good, however, not worth the cost. Complete devastation. My heart shattered, my soul in anguish, periods of moaning…esp in the beginning, that now I understand the psalmist when he speaks of the moaning… It was with an old flame from 20 years ago. He kept “checking in” with me on FB even though he was not on my “friends” list. I do not have a FB account now. My choice. So much deception an affair is. So much confusion and nonsense. Looking back you cannot make sense of it because God is not the author of confusion. Please, please, please! If you are in a situation and you think you can change a man and you are just being used by God or you feel your heart soften toward another man please, please do like Joseph and RUN! This is one sin that is ever before me. I still don’t know if we will make it through. Such torment. I love you sisters!

    1. I too was unfaithful in my marriage 3 yrs ago.. My husband forgave me and we even renewed our wedding vows..but my sin had horrible repercussions. My husband still has to check my phone bc its always in the back of his mind. I live with the guilt (although God has forgiven me). I hate myself for what I did.if only I could turn back time.

    2. I have been ‘hiding’ from God the last few weeks as I opened a door I should have left closed and have ended up on a path of destruction. The destruction just hasn’t happened yet, but I know how things end in these situations and it’s never good. I feel a war within myself of knowing what is right and what I need to do and of not wanting to let it go ‘yet’. I know how crazy that sounds. The comment about God not being the author of confusion struck a chord with me. I stumbled across the email titled “When You Are Tempted By An Affair” and almost didn’t click as I didn’t really ‘want to hear it’. I know God is calling me back. Please pray that I will have the strength to listen. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

      1. Stay strong. DO NOT GIVE UP!! If you can think of anyone you can talk to….a sister in Christ…. go to her. Confess what is going on. It will free you so much to share this burden with someone. But more importantly, hit your knees, let loose and confess it all to God. He is faithful to forgive you if you ask, and He will give you exactly what you need to overcome. Then take whatever steps you need to in order to close the door that has been opened. Lock it. Bolt it shut. Board that baby up. Whatever it takes!!! (Speaking from experience here…. what may FEEL good now will end up in destruction.)

      2. I urge you – from my own foolish choices prior to marriage, LISTEN. And tell your husband about the temptation right now. Do not wait. The moment you have even a drop of courage, go to him. Block this other person from your life. It doesn’t matter even the very least bit if they don’t understand why. God brought you here so that you have a way out of this temptation, so you can “stand up under it.” Pray fervently, and even if you cry the entire time you’re saying goodbye, you will be saving yourself much, much worse heartache. I will be praying for you.

        1. In fact, don’t even say goodbye. Just close the door. Saying goodbye only gives the temptation another chance to take root. Don’t give it that chance.

          1. I know you are right. In fact, I closed door over a year ago… and then in a weak moment, cracked it — and now it’s wide open. Wow, that happened in the blink of an eye. Such strength I had and good intentions and a desire to be a godly wife only to let the temporary flattery of being desired fan the flame bigger than it was before. I need to close the door, close the door, close the door. I am repeating this to myself now… Thank you for your prompting.

      3. Please tell your husband. I know it’s going to be hard but you have no choice unless you want to live a life of destruction as I have.
        I was caught after having a 7 month affair.
        I told a friend in the beginning when the man came onto me, but then I started to lie about it to protect him.
        I am now trying to rebuild my life. It has been very difficult because the affair didn’t only affect our families, but a whole church. We both lost out jobs and our reputations that day. It has been hell and I would give ANYTHING to go back and confide in my husband before it escalated. Please listen. If you don’t, you will regret it the rest of your life. Your sins will always find you out. Always.

      4. Anonymous H,
        Something that has helped me in the past to make the right decision when I really don’t want to:
        Make a list of the things that might happen if you are to follow through on this open door… Lists that I have made in the past look something like this:
        Have a lovely relationship with *person* (nice for a time)
        Get found out or end up confessing (ouch)
        Break husbands heart (ouch)
        Lose husbands trust (ouch)
        Have to tell children what I have done (ouch)
        Have to tell family and friends what I have done (ouch)
        Divorce perhaps? (ouch) Or long road to healing (ouch)
        Leave a legacy of unfaithfulness (ouch)
        And more ouches!
        When I have made lists like these, it has helped me to see that the carrot being dangled in front of my face is actually poison in disguise.
        I would also agree with the other comments and say that telling your husband is a good way to put water on the fire. Secrets lose their power when they are brought into the open. They can lose their glamour too!

        1. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your words. I am re-reading this thread right now as I’m struggling with that carrot.

          1. I am struggling with an on and off affair with my first love. My husband has been abusive in every way, then confuses me with ‘gaslighting’ and unpredictability. He has hurt me so deeply. I feel eaten up by guilt and fear for my wellbeing if I told him. I also haven’t tocked the door to this person, though I thought I did on and off. I’m just so lost. I never ever thought I’d be here. I was always against talking to another man. I’ve been narried 25 difficult years. Please offer advice. Thank you

      5. I’m in the same situation and I don’t know how I got here. This is so not me. I guess I had a bit too much faith in myself, and now I’m struggling to hold on. Just know you’re not alone.

        1. I feel the same way. I am realizing that I have triggers of when I’m the most vulnerable to contacting/being open to being contacted by this person. It can be stress, boredom, loneliness, certain music…

          It dawned on me today, what kind of man knowingly sleeps with another man’s wife?? Try saying it out loud. Yikes.

          Are you still holding onto the illicit relationship or desire for one? I haven’t let it go yet — reading all these posts again, trying to slap myself in the face with the truth and the courage to do the right thing.

          1. Come clean. Tell him NOW. I say that from personal experience. Someone told me to do that exact thing and had I listened in that moment so many people could have been protected. When you go to your husband prompted by the Spirit before someone else does you’ll save the church from much pain. You don’t want to walk down the halls of your church or any church wondering what everyone is thinking for the rest of your life. You don’t want to destroy families. You don’t want to lose friendships. You don’t want to put other people in the path of sin because they are tempted to gossip or be decisive. You have the opportunity right now to gain a little bit of respect and trust out of the situation. There is so much that can be done with that little bit. Go now.

    3. Anonymous,

      Your words are powerful! I am going to use them to write a post since testimonies of others are tools God can use to warn and convict others of the dangers of doing things opposed to His ways. Thank you for sharing!

      1. Would you mind sharing the link to your post when you complete it? I would like to read it. I need convicted. The war within is a very real thing. The evil one will use whatever he can to destroy, yet even knowing that it’s difficult to let go.

  7. Amen and amen!!! To everything you posted and to the ladies comments before me. Our marriage too was broken. By his selfishness and MINE. God can restore anything. But only with honest and open communication will you heal and become stronger than ever. Build hedges around your marriage ladies. You’ll be glad you did. It takes three. Jesus and him and me.

  8. Good morning ladies. This is my first comment for this study as I have just joined you.
    Verse 21 hit me strongly this morning. I know that it’s true, but seeing it written brings it to the forefront if my mind: my Lord examines all my paths. These are my actions, words & thoughts. There is nothing in me that He isn’t intimately aware of. All my relationships are in full view, and God knows what I’m denying to myself. I need to take some time with Him to evaluate my motives to ensure that I’m not in a dangerous position.

  9. I was so thankful for this article this morning! God, indeed, provides us with the words we need to hear, I just don’t know how to deal with my situation. My husband is my best friend, my confidant , everything I could ask for, except his not. We make each other laugh until we cry but so much goes unsaid and then five minutes later he makes me cry. My husband has a drug problem, he puts marijuana before a lot of things in our marriage. He was out of work for over two years and I supported him and the very first thing he did when he got his first paycheck was buy some. It hurt because he didn’t even think of me, I’m not a material person but you would expect a little something sweet from your hubby to celebrate that first paycheck in over two years! We both work 40 hours a week and it seems everything falls on me to do and when I say anything about it, it always ends up in an argument where I seem to always be the one that apologizes. I know I’m not perfect by any means but I try really hard to be the best wife possible. I cook his dinner every night, tend the house, pack his lunch every more, 6 days a week his coffee cup is poured and ready when he comes down the stairs but I don’t feel like he appreciates anything I do. He takes this tone with me any time I try to discuss problems with our marriage. I was married once before for over 11 years and have two beautiful daughters. He spent most of his adolescent life in and out of prison. He committed his life to Christ when he was in his early 30’s and I just wish God would wake him up. I am so broken over this, with my first marriage I stayed with a habitual liar for a lot longer than I should have. My current husband has left me last year and the year before for a week. I had know idea where he was, he stole money from me and spent it on pot. With all that being said, last year while he was gone for a week, I became pretty good friends with this guy. He is kind, hard-working, funny and mature. We have never had anything more than friendship. It was great to see a man who could be everything a woman needs. He has never been married or had children but it is because he his waiting for the right one. I’m not tempted to have an affair but I value his friendship and could definitely see more for us if I wasn’t married. I just cannot stand the thought of another divorce. I have been a Christian since my early teens, I have not lived up to my end of the bargain and failed my commitment to Christ many times. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to be truly happy and I don’t know that I can be in my current situation…any advice out there? Thank you and God bless you all!

    1. I’m just about through a class in my church called Foundations of Freedom. I have to say that your situation should not be where you look for Joy. Our joy is found in the Lord through reading his Word and spending time (all the time!) in prayer. One of the points made was “If changing our environment could actually set us free, then we’d be free by now!” Freedom is my ability to be fee i spite of my suffering or amidst my circumstances. You become that person regardless of the circumstances you are in Paul sat in a prison cell in absolute freedom.
      They spoke about the lens of our heart and how sometimes it gets clouded and sometimes we see ourselves through our circumstances rather than how God sees us. Don’t be in bondage to the belief that changing your environment will set you free! The situation may not change but you don’t have to participate in the crazy!
      This is a paraphrase of 3 days worth of teaching but hopefully you can pull out of that to help you through this time. I’ll be praying for you!

    2. Marriage is for better or worse, and that includes drug use. I am so sorry you are experiencing that. If you can find an Al-Anon group to attend, it might help you learn how to not enable your husband and what things to do for him. It might also provide you a group of friends who are strong overcomers. You need to consult a counselor to help you determine what you need to do about the situation. Good luck!

      1. I agree whole-heartedly and that’s how I was raised. I feel like such a failure, he has stolen money from me twice and just left. Leaving my mom to help me pick up the pieces, I cannot trust him with money. He takes his check, cashes it and then really refuses to be open with me about finances. I do not even know how to begin rebuilding trust. Last year when he left, I took him back (even though he stole over $1,000) because I felt like it was my duty to love him unconditionally. We have been married for almost four years and I have prayed for three for God to intervene and change him, change his thought processes. I spent countless hours on my knees praying for God to bring about a change in him, for him to become the husband that I deserve. After being in a previous marriage where all I got was lies and deception, I cannot imagine going through the rest of this life like that with this man as well.

        1. Rachel, I don’t know a lot about situations like yours, but I do feel that loving your husband unconditionally doesn’t mean allowing him to treat you like that. Letting him come back no matter what he has done seems a lot like “enabling” to me.
          I would get some good, godly advice from someone who knows your situation. Personally, I would consider separating until he changes things and treats you like he should. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not someone who just says that everyone with an imperfect marriage should separate! I do feel though, that you aren’t helping him but rather you are hindering him by allowing him to steal from you and leave you and just come back when he wants.
          I would suggest a book called “Love must be tough” by James Dobson.

    3. Rachel, I pray that you & your family can find peace & restoration in Christ. You need to know that there is help for families of addicts. When a drug problem is involved, you must put boundaries in place to keep you & your children safe. That can be complicated & feel “unloving” or “unChristlike,” but God calls us to a life of freedom in Christ & that also means freedom from an unstable & unhealthy home life for you & your kids as well as freedom from addiction for your husband (if he wants to pursue that). I’m not talking about the lie that “God wants me to be happy so I can & must leave;” I am talking about not enabling his addiction & letting him continue to abuse you & your children in this way.

      That may mean some separation, but it does not have to mean divorce & it certainly doesn’t involve another man. You can be faithful to your vows while working through this. If your husband chooses to leave & not seek help for his addiction, that is his choice to dissolve the marriage, but you can be faithful & seek health for your marriage. In the meantime, until he decides to get healthy or to divorce you, you can still choose to remain committed to him & to God by focusing on seeking help & restoration.

      There is a group for families of addicts that can help you navigate some healthy boundaries; their website is http://www.nar-anon.org. It may also be helpful to seek Godly counsel, either from staff at your church and/or from a Christian counselor.

      I pray that you will seek health for you as well as trying some things in a different way that will help your husband be confronted with the choice to seek help or not. He may still choose to stay in his addiction, but you do not have to choose to stay in the cycle you are in, doing the same things in reaction to his choices. You can choose to put boundaries in place while still honoring God.

      God bless you! I pray you will have strength & feel loved by Our Heavenly Father through this trial in your life.

  10. Our husbands are not meant to meet our every need. The Lord is. He is the true husbandman! Our faithfulness to our husband is to mimic our faithfulness to the Lord. This is the message of the gospel in action so the world will see and take notice. Not to mention the closeness between you and the Lord that can develop when you totally depend on him as your “true husband.” Cry out to Him and tell Him how you feel. He understands and cares more than any earthly husband could. And…He is coming back (on a white horse, no less) for His bride. Look forward to that when you feel at a liw place in your marriage.
    Blessings!

  11. Thank you for this article. My husband began an affair in 2007 and it lasted for 2 years. He had a son out of the affair. If you are considering cheating on your husband, please hear me: You do not know the depth of the pain and devastation that an affair causes. It is an all consuming, soul baring pain. It can destroy the innocent spouse, a marriage and a family. It can ruin your testimony, too. It is not worth it for a little bit of pleasure. Thankfully, God was able to heal me and to restore my marriage, but it was a long and painful process.

    Jesus said that if we look on someone with lust, we have committed adultery. An affair starts in the heart, as does all sin. Do not entertain the thought of cheating on your husband. No matter how your husband treats you or what state your marriage is in, there is never a good reason to commit adultery. God always honors our obedience. Decide to honor and obey God instead of living out your sinful feelings and thoughts. Submit your thoughts and feelings to God. Do not give the devil a foothold, no matter how small you think it is. One small compromise will lead to another compromise, and before you know it, you are in a place you never thought you would be. If you are unhappy, consider this: God cares much more about your holiness than he does your happiness. Your worth and value come from God, and you have to find your purpose and joy in Him. Do not be deceived into thinking that anything on this earth can make you happy. Sin never makes us happy. It may for a season be pleasurable, but it always leads to heartache and pain when it has been fulfilled.

    Do not keep secrets from your husband. Each of you should have total access to the other’s email accounts and social media accounts, as well as any tablets, cell phones and computers. Your husband should be able to look at your computer, tablet or cell phone at any time. Never let yourself be alone with the opposite sex and do not be friends with the opposite sex. Do everything you can to protect your marriage and to honor your vows. If you are entertaining the idea of having an affair, talk to a mature Godly woman and ask for prayer and to be held accountable. Your marriage is worth any sacrifice you have to make to remain true to your vows.

  12. I would appreciate prayers for my marriage.

    I’m not proud to say it, but I’m hoping this will help someone else, and I wish I could have read this blog post 4 years ago.

    I didn’t have the “perfect” husband who was romantic and swooning like books and movies make things out to be. I took my marriage for granted. I took my husband for granted.

    He has always been a good father and provider. I thought he was lacking in the husband department, but I know now it was my own insecurities that led me to believe the lies the enemy was telling me: “He doesn’t love you. You’re not good enough. Your kids are more important to him than you are. His friends and brother are more important.” I allowed those lies to harden my heart and make me apathetic of my husband. I went through the motions. I acted like everything was great and he was the only man for me. I allowed myself to be completely venerable and I let another man in.

    The other man said everything I had been longing to hear from my husband. The other man even professed to be a godly man. He would pray with me and for me. Refer to God’s word. Secretly attend the same church. I was in deep. I believed because of the “godly” piece of our “relationship” that what I was doing was okay. IT WASN’T!

    That other relationship felt so right because it was new. I kept up appearances of being a good wife and mom/stepmom. Even went so far as to try to inject this man into my life and get him to be friends with my husband. I was so lost. I eventually realized that this man was not the right thing and there was no future. I broke off all contact with him in order to put myself 100% into my marriage. That worked for a while, but the damage had been done.

    My husband had always had an idea about my affair. On our 5th anniversary, instead of celebrating in some fun way, the truth came out. My husband asked me and I came clean. It was horrible, yet freeing at the same time. All the tension and angry, from never dealing with our marriage issues prior to the affair and adding the affair on top, was finally set free. It was a weight off my shoulders. Our life in the bedroom was better than it had ever been. My husband looked at me like he used to. We were happy. And then the happy bubble burst when I found a card from another woman to my husband.

    My husband had allowed the void in our marriage and his suspicions of my affair to give him an “I don’t care attitude”. He started talking to an old high school friend whose marriage was broken. They comforted each other and ended up becoming involved. He had hid it from me for quite some time and was finally relieved when I found out. He came to my work with flowers and took me to lunch the day after I found out about his affair. He was everything I had ever longed for from him. But it didn’t last.

    Fast forward to today. We are still living in the same house. We have two awesome kiddos at home who are 4 and 2 and two older kiddos that we have every other weekend who are 18 and 14. We tolerate each other at best day to day. He works a lot between his full and part time jobs and isn’t home often. We still attempt to do family things for the sake of the kids, but it always feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop. The future is uncertain.

    I filed for divorce almost a year ago. We had several status hearings. I was going to move out to my own place several times. Every time I tried to leave or he tried to leave, we ended up back together. Eventually the judge dismissed our case. But there is still emptiness in our marriage.

    My relationship with God has become more since having my affair then it has ever been in my entire life of being raised in church. It wasn’t until I hit absolute rock bottom that I realized I needed God in my life and leading my life. Having God at the helm of my life is a choice and takes work every day. There are so many more days that I fail, but I know where and who my hope comes from. I know that God has a plan for my husband and I, otherwise we would have been able to end our marriage long before now.

    My husband goes to church and he listens to Christian music, however there is a struggle with walking the godly path. He wants us to work out and get better and get along in front of our kids, but doesn’t think going to a counselor will do any good. So believe me ladies when I tell you that the enemy is very clever. He only comes to steal, kill and destroy and it’s not in a red suit with horns and a pitch fork. He comes as thoughts that continue to remind you of the past and past mistakes. The devil doesn’t let you forget. He comes as a kind friend who seems to be just the person you can talk to, that ends up becoming an affair. Or as a family remember who “just wants you to be happy”. Ladies – the enemy wants nothing good for you or your marriage!

    If only I would have been walking with the Lord 4 years ago like I am now, I could have saved a lot of hurt and grief. But the path I went down and the pain I have gone through is not in vane because God take any bad situation and bring out the good.

    My prayer today is that someone will read this and stop an affair before it happens, or before it crosses a line. You might feel afraid and lonely and like no one cares, but God does. Even though He can’t physically hold you and rock you, He can bring you peace and comfort, you just have to ask, seek Him out.

    I continue to learning and grow all the time and I struggle every day putting God first and not letting my emotions get the best of me. My marriage is not perfect, but no matter what, I have a God who is bigger and will make me stronger and better than ever before, and in turn I pray heals my marriage and the hurt I have caused my husband so that we can be an testimony to others.

    If this blog post convicts you today as a woman on the verge of an affair, stop. Don’t make the same bad choice that I did. Choose God instead. Get help. Get hooked up with a good church, bible study, and other women of godly support.

    Perhaps that you are on the other end and you are trying to move on with life after your husband had an affair. Go to God. Put Him first and let Him be the man in your life. Pray for your husband and your marriage. Realize that it’s not your fault, because your husband made a choice and that was his choice. Granted you may have problems in your marriage that allowed for the opportunity to be taken, but he did not have to give in to the temptation.

    The enemy will attack you during your healing more than he ever has. He will try to get you to believe that you are not good enough and that you’ll never be what your husband wants. All lies. Any thought that comes to mind that does not line up with God’s word, is not of God. A wise girl friend of mine reminds me all the time that God will honor my faithfulness to Him. So keep your head up and eyes towards the only One who can heal your heart and fill your empty spaces.

    1. Thank you for sharing…your story is convicting. I pray that God will continue to restore you and your marriage.

  13. Please pray for my marriage. The husband I marry has no trust in me. As his second wife I don’t know why he can’t trust me. I know he was hurt by his 1st wife cheating. But pray that God helps him build trust and believe that is marriage is true and nothing will happen to his marriage. I am such a faitful wife to him for the last 14 yrs.

  14. Rachel, no one can tell you what to do in your own marriage but God. I pray you can find a friend who will pray with you and encourage your heart. I’m so sorry your husband is making those choices and that it is hurting you. Give yourself grace as you decide what to do. He is near to the brokenhearted.

  15. I am not attempted and we are very close , but I’m still going to share this with my husband. He best friend’s marriage isnt too great and I know she’s been unfaithful

  16. I had a opportunity to be swayed by another while dating my current husband but was stubborn and refused. Over time I realized that relationship, had even given it a chance, would likely have saved me from so much heartache in this relationship. It was a Godsend. I’m still married and enduring and God has certainly grown us both but it has been a rocky union with clashing personalities, family, you name it. I wish I had taken a step back and trusted more instead of rushing into it. D ** is not something we are considering as we are both Christians but oh if I could give my younger self some advice….

  17. yes, my husband has had an affair and I agree social media is tempting… But I remembered… He said if you love me you will keep my commandments. I remain faithful to my marriage and to God…but it gets hard when you aren’t noticed by your own husband. Stay strong and keep The Lord’s commandments.. don’t get weary in well doing… Love your blog, I needed this confirmation.

  18. As another person said, watch your hormones! My husband and I are in the best place in our marriage that we’ve ever been. But lately my hormones are nuts and for a couple weeks I felt like I wanted to jump anything that moved! Sorry if that’s too graphic. But there was one particular dad at school drop off that I was very attracted to, so I made sure to stay well away! Not saying he would have been all over me or anything, but no reason to even tempt it. Willingly thinking on it is a bad first step.

  19. I am so enjoying the study, it is really helping me get stuck into my studies 1st thing…so much so, that this morning (saturday) I got right to it, went to check the box on Proverbs 6 and saw Monday by it, realized then the study is running Mon. to Fri. Weekends no study! Now I am ahead, lol.

  20. This was so well said! In a nut shell you have really put so much into your post. I also appreciate all the other ladies advice here to basically run! Though you did cover it, I would like to emphasize that any temptation to an affair is really a wrong way of dealing with something that is wrong and the temptation is really a facade, a big fat LIE no matter how good it looks on this side of it! If you can remember that fact, it will greatly help. Also, it should prompt you to do prayerfully whatever you can to heal any areas that need mending in your relationship. The answer is not another one, today or from the past!!
    And bottom line, the Lord Himself is our truest love, our one and only, and if you don’t know Him on that level, you need to. Having that type relationship with Him will greatly help you not to fall for the devil’s trap. The devil comes only to steal, kill and destroy – YOU and yours, that is! Say, “no thank you!” and run! And don’t keep feeding the fairytale version of that temptation in your mind – it is just NOT true! Remember, it is a big fat LIE! Go for the gold, it is right under your own roof!

  21. I needed this. For the past 4 years my husband has turned into another person. He is not who I fell in love with and who I decided to marry. He constantly puts me down and disrespects me, expects me to do everything involving the home and children, only allows me to talk to him on certain preapproved topics, never cares about my needs in the bedroom and wants me to just lay there for him. He tells me that all the things I do and who I am drives him mad. His behavior has turned me cold and bitter. I have thought so many times that he couldn’t love me and that I would be much happier with someone who valued me, but for better or for worse. This is the worse I know I can just make it through.

    1. Ashley, I have been there. Your situation sounds very much like my own was. After an emotional affair and my husband and I almost divorcing we have reconciled, we are now going to counseling and although things are not perfect, they are much better and I have only God to thank! Even if things never become as we feel they “need” to be may we keep our minds and hearts, and feet set on God’s way.

  22. I was so naive early in my marriage. A few months after our wedding, my husband was so upset that I gave one of his single male friends a ride to the store one time. I thought he was being ridiculous & jealous. We had a big fight over it. I accused him of not trusting me & overreacting. A few months later, that same man needed another ride. This time I called my husband & asked if he was ok with it. He reluctantly said fine, he did trust me after all. Guess what happened next. That man reached over & put his hand on my thigh and tried to kiss me. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it. He knew I was happily married & in love with a “friend” of his. After I told him off, I had to go to my husband & eat my humble pie… but he surprised me again & told me he was sorry. He was sorry that my trusting, innocent way was being broken & eroded by the world.And said he wished he could protect me all the time, so I could keep my trusting & innocent nature. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, it wasn’t fun for my husband either! I hope, if there is a young bride reading this, you will learn from this. You never know what someone else’s intentions are & you shouldn’t ever risk your marriage over something so small. It just isn’t worth it!

  23. Very good! My marriage can be rocky at times. I recently picked up a small job and my boss is a man of admirable qualities. I immediately recognized that without strong boundaries I could become a fool.

    So, his wife and I are friends on Facebook.

    I introduced him to my own husband.

    I can bring my kids to work and do.

    I try to set my hours for when he is not there, or if he is there his wife is there, too.

    When talking with him I stand back.

    It is outdoor work and hot, but if I know he will be there I dress modestly.

    No physical touch beyond business handshakes. I don’t even need a hand on the shoulder or pat on the back. He doesn’t offer them, thank God, so that is even better. The ONLY affirmation I need from my boss is that I am working to the standards he is paying me for.

    When we feel unloved, unaffirmed, undesired by our husbands we begin to wonder if we are loveable, good (looking, working), and desirable. It is natural to start seeking it out, if not to prove to ourselves, but also to our husbands that we have value and shape up and figure out how blessed you are! But, all those affirmations need to come from the Lord and we need to know them from ourselves in truth.

  24. I agree also, I think this was written just for me. My marriage sure could use some prayers. I want God to be the center of my marriage. I am on my second marriage & I struggle with past mistakes everyday. I have a child & he has two. We tried to have a child but it didn’t work out for us and now I am past those years. I feel like there is favoritism shown for his children and it breaks my heart daily. Our biggest arguments have to do with this issue. I have prayed wholeheartedly about this situation and it seems to get better for a short time & then it’s back again. I would love some insight on a blended family!

  25. The last few years the enemy has been taunting me regarding a man at church. I am married to my best friend, completely in love with him. Yet the enemy throws fiery darts at me about a married man at church. We used to all be in a ministry together and I could tell this man was attracted to me. Since then I have really backed away, we don’t do things as couples anymore, I don’t communicate very often and if I do my husband is copied and/or in the loop on everything.
    Sometimes the thoughts get so persistent and I cry out to God about it. I say, okay Lord, I’m giving you this thought. Forgive me. The thoughts will come out of no where, even while being in a great place with my husband.
    I’ve thought about leaving the church and finding a different one but have been sucking it up because my family/kids are connected there.
    Ladies, do any of you have insight on this? I love my husband, I don’t think I initially invited these thoughts but am feeling exhausted by them. Thank you.

    1. I would and have made a concerted effort to memorize scripture that have to do with thoughts and my mind. “Think on these things…”, praying for a sound mind, the mind of Christ, a renewed mind. Also, to” take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ”. Something I feel the Holy Spirit told me recently, was that anytime I had negative feelings toward my husband, or thoughts of another guy, I pray good things for and about and over my husband. Our carnal flesh and/or the enemy cannot stand against these! God bless!

  26. Though I am not struggling with any such thing in my marriage, the article and comments is very helpful. It’s an eye opener as to what could happen if you don’t guard your heart and marriage.
    God help us all.

  27. My husband has been involved with a woman for the last 3 years and has left our home after 21 years of marriage. We have 3 children (21,19 & 13). This has devastated our family. I also have just lost my job due to workplace closing. My spouses life seems to being going perfect and he has little to no contact with our children and I. I feel God has told me to stand strong for my marriage and let him handle it but it gets harder as time goes on and in see nothing helping. It’s hard not to feel like a failure.

    1. My heart breaks for you… I wasn’t married as long (“only” 13 years) but my husband also decided to have an affair. Even when their lives seem to be going well, they’re not. Even if they don’t feel any guilt, chances are they’re not proud of themselves. They are living a fantasy where they get to be good guys and indulge in their own pleasures. When I feel like he’s got it so good, I remember I’m on God’s side, I’m His little girl and He sees me, like He saw Haggar. He is a just God and revenger is His. We do not wish revenge, but there WILL be justice for us one day. You touched my heart, I will pray for you. Your name is beautiful and says it all. Hang in there!

  28. I had been having an affair for 5 years with a coworker that resulted in a beautiful baby boy. I love my son to death but seeing the pain that it has put my family and the other mans family through, as he was married as well, I would change things. My husband wants to work on our marriage and wants me to let him take my son in as his own but I just feel like I can’t do it. My husband loves my son and has always wanted a boy, we have two girls. We have a great pastor who has come to our home and has been praying for us. The other man is a part of my sons life and wants to be since it is his son. His mom watches the baby while I work. He is now getting divorced despite his wife wanting to work on their marriage. I’m still in limbo not knowing what I should or want to do. I know I can be happy staying with my husband but I love the other man still and my husband is well aware of that as I have told him several times why I feel I can’t work on our marriage. I have been asking God to guide me and show me what I am to do. I feel it isn’t fair to my husband for us to stay together since he loves me so much and I love him but not like I love the other man. This is a great study for me. Maybe it will help me see things I’ve been blinded too. I thank God for letting me stumble across your page.

    1. I am so sorry about all the pain this has caused you and your family. And as you see by this post and the comments, it is a temptation that lies in wait for all of us. The Bible says “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall” I Cor 10:12. So, know that I have compassion on you in your situation.

      But don’t get caught in a further trap of the enemy. Why are you asking God to show you if you should stay in your marriage? God has already clearly stated that you should. It is clear that you are not to make a decision to leave a marriage because you love someone else. That is not a Biblical reason for divorce. There are legitimate differences in interpretation around Biblical reasons for divorce. For instance, some may feel your husband has Biblical reasons. However, there is no way to interpret the truth of scripture to allow for divorce because you don’t love someone as much as someone else.

      So, why are you asking God to show you if you should violate His word? You never have to ask God to show you some type of sign about what He has already clearly said. You never have to ask God if you should not follow His words.

      This is a common trap. “I know the Bible says x, but I just feel God is telling me y.” No, that is a lie of the enemy. God has blessed you with a husband who has mercy and forgiveness and who truly knows what real love is to accept you and to commit to his marriage. Accept God’s forgiveness in your life and His gracious gift to provide a way of restoration and reconciliation. God wants to do a greater and deeper work in your heart, in your life and in your walk with Him and He can use this to transform the life of you, your marriage, your children and your family. Don’t continue to listen to the lies of the enemy. I know this other man will have to be a part of your life now, but with all diligence seek to crucify your desires for him and focus on the gift of your husband. And look at the difference in character between your husband who is honoring his covenant under trying circumstances and the other man who violated his covenant and now won’t even repent and stay with his wife.

      My prayers are so much with you. God has a hope and future for you, don’t reject it to run after the lust of the flesh or the deceit of the heart.

      Also, what we want to do is not relevant, you cannot come to God unless you crucify yourself and your desires and follow Him. Be Holy because I am Holy. If you Love Me Keep my Commandments.

      So, my sweet sister, you have a choice to follow Christ, or to reject Him and to follow yourself. And regarding it being fair or not “lean not unto your own understanding, be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and depart from evil” Proverbs 3:5-9

    2. Dominga, this sounds like a hard situation to be in, but please do not divorce your husband! I am sure you can work things out with you son’s father and your husband. The bible is very clear that God hates divorce. The feelings you are having for your son’s father are not good and need to be dealt with before they consume you and hurt your marriage! Please search the scriptures and find peace for your marriage within them.

  29. I am a bit behind in reading but I really think this is where God wants me. Let me explain:

    Last week a close friend brought over one of his friends and I started talking to him. He spent the night on a cot in our den. Well, there was some flirting between him and myself. I had not realized my husband had seen this. I have no feelings for the guy and I wouldn’t cheat on my husband. But, we have been talking off and on since then and I know he is a temptation for me.

    Up until I read the chapter and saw your questions I could not understand why he was such a temptation for me. I realized that he was giving me something I wasn’t getting from my husband and that is attention and connection with another male. I realize I need to let my husband know I am missing this and get it from him and not someone else.

    Wow, to be able to say this out loud and know I hopefully won’t get judge for this is like a huge burden lifted off of me. I had a panic attack yesterday because I have no one to talk to about stuff and not get judge for it.

    Tammy

  30. This post speaks directly to my situation. I was the one with the lustful eye, emotional attachment to someone who is not my husband, the one with the soul-tie. I have now taken steps to counseling and overcoming my sin struggle. #RightOnTimeMessage

    1. Quanasa,
      Can I ask what has helped you the most in overcoming this struggle? Does your husband know of your struggles? Do you think it is a life-long thing? I’m wishing their was a network of ‘cheaters anonymous’ to hold each other accountable…

  31. I believe God has put this topic in my life in this season. I keep repeating the same emotional sin towards my relationship of 7yrs now marriage of 2years. I keep seeking for love in other men besides my husband. My husband and I have been separated many times and have had different partners throughout these years. We have no trust, respect, for one another. We do go to church as a family. I prayed for help and answers and forgiveness from God and my husband. This cycle keeps repeating I don’t feel I love my husband anymore for so much harm we have done to each other. I feel is still cheating on me. Now I have fallen into sin again with another man. I don’t want to sin anymore. I have thought about woman counseling. I don’t think this is normal.

  32. Great ideas for protection. I would caution that many times when a women is deeply hurting and ANYONE shows the kind of attention she is in need of, she could have an emotional affair…even with another women. I have been in such a situation with both men and women. While it has never developed, thankfully, into an physical affair it has made impacts on my marriage. I have realized over the years that my marriage changes if I change, if I allow God to change me. I can not change my husband. Most often I find that there is bitterness harbored in my heart. Thankfully we have great biblical counselors at my church and with their guidance my heart has turned back to the Lord and my marriage is healing. Thank you again for such great and practical steps to take!

  33. I completely agree with the section on Facebook. A good friend of mine had her marriage ruined by Facebook allowing her husband to interact with an old high school girl friend. He didn’t keep it a secret. My friend could see they were talking but when she asked him about it, he said there were just catching up. No big deal. WRONG. He left my friend to be with the old girl friend. It is a very slippery slope to start reminiscing on old times with the opposite sex (even an old friend). I know I am much more careful now about who I talk to on social media!

  34. This is for me really, cos my husband is into it and it worries me so much, cos it has killed my relationship wit him and so many things are at stake. What do i do cos sometimes am also tempted to look for love outside

  35. Asking for prayers. I am struggling with this now. It is one of my husband’s friends and he is also a coworker of ours. I haven’t had a physical affair and I am praying I can with stand it. Right now it is just emotinal. Please God help me.

  36. What if the husband cheated and left your for another woman after 23 yrs together and they have a child and he is so disrespectful and mean towards you a the timr. He brings his girlfriend and their baby to your house.

  37. I stumbled in this site just right in time. I need someone to listen to me. I have started an illicit affair for over 2 years now. I had physical contact with him. My husband doesn’t know anything about it. the guy was my former bf and we got in touch through a common friend. I literally fell in love with him as we have many things in common. But my husband is a good provider, a good father and husband as well, only that he comes short when it comes to intimacy. I didn’t know what happened next as I fell trapped in his charm–that old charm,, everything. the magic swayed me into another world. I don’t know. the guy is also married, and we promised not to destroy our families. He decided to go back to the place where his family resides, as I remain with the same place with my family too. We communicate. I hate the feeling of loving my husband and loving him too, but in a different level. I just cant exactly tell the difference. I just waited for this moment to tell someone of my case. and this is the time that the Lord had given me..I read the comments, and I decided this very hour to delete his number and refrain myself from opening my fb account.

  38. I got emotionally involved with a man from church. We are both married. I did not even realize it was happening until I was there in the middle of it. We had so much in common and he was attentive and I enjoyed his company. Eventually he wanted a physical relationship. I knew I was in trouble because this was a major temptation and a pull like none I have ever experienced in my life. I knew it was wrong but my emotions were threatening to take over. I have been married many years and my husband and I have been taking each other for granted. It was nice having someone pay attention to me and make me feel special. The other man said he did not want to be involved emotionally just physically and used the expression Friends with Benefits (I did not know what that meant at the time). I went to God in prayer over this and knew he wanted me to tell my husband about it. When I did, my husband was so gracious and forgiving. He knew who this man was right away before I even told him. Said he could tell by his body language and all the hugs that he was interested in me and wished he has said something sooner when he became suspicious of the other man’s motives months ago. I am so remorseful and am still surprised that I let myself get involved in something that nearly led to sin and destruction. Ladies, please tell your husband before you go on that journey that will destroy your life. How could it ever be worth it?! Give your husband a chance to help you with it before it gets too far. You don’t have to be alone with it! Tell a friend you trust if that is an option. Remember, God forgives everything, so if you have already gone down that road, get out now and start the healing process with a counselor. You are not a bad person, you just made a bad choice.

  39. I am married 15 years with 4 small kids. I have been sitting here at my computer while my husband is out of town and arranging a meeting with an ex for tomorrow. It truly started out as innocent, even though he is still just as gorgeous as he was when we dated over 20 years ago. We still have a ton in common and after bumping into him a few times casually, I friended him on FB. We have been talking for about a week, and my emotions have become so entagled and confused. I have noticed that it’s late at night when I don’t think clearly and write him secretly. I am struggling because I feel like I honestly want to see him and catch up casually, but what I know about myself is that I have had very illicit dreams about him over the past year since I have moved back and I am definitely attracted to him. I know that my seeing him would break my husband’s heart. I keep telling myself that I could just see him once, catch up and be done, but I also know that if I enjoy our time together, I will only want more. Not to mention he is a veteran who served in Iraq and has some major struggles going on. He recently was able to get his life together, get married, has 2 small children, and it would break me to cause him MORE pain…and what if I was ok with the one thing, but because of his emotional instability with PTSD among other things, he decided seeing me once isn’t enough? I just don’t want to innocently enter into a situation that destroys my life as well as his. He has already been through enough, and I don’t want to destroy my family’s life either. I am just thankful for this page. After reading remarks from so many women, I have cancelled our meeting for tomorrow. I have decided to not contact him further. We WILL run into each other (our kids go to the same preschool), but I will make myself keep the door closed and not have internet contact with him. Again, thank you for this page. I needed to “say” these things out loud and I plan on discussing this with my husband when he returns home from his trip.

  40. What of my marriage? My husband has been married twice before. We met when I was 19 he 31 and he was then separated from his second wife. We began a physical relationship and then later I began seeking God. He said he was but we had a lot of struggle with purity, he resented that I didn’t want to even kiss until we married. Despite, we stayed together and married in Catholic church in 2010. He has two other children from his previous marriages. 19 and 22. Both of his children are/were deeply troubled. His son died in 2014, 2 days after our son we have together was born. As we stand now – he has contacted other women and prostitutes and I have just ended a relationship that turned emotional affair. But I know God can restore all things and i don’t want my two year old son hurt by divorce. I’m sickened by all this but want to save it for my son. Thoughts please?

  41. I feel like this article is the reason so much destruction is kept on secret. Everything you say is true and right, however, the situations are so highly complicated and there are often recurring themes of loneliness and self worth struggles. It’s not enough to say “because Jesus said so.” It should be, but when women are desperate, hurting, or confused, taking the time to speak to their spirit outside of “just do it” goes far.

  42. It’s been 25 years since my husband’s infidelity and the Lord has been faithful. He directed me to this professional private investigator cyber hack whom I contact his gmail(cyberhack005) he helped me hack his phone just has his name implies, I was enable to spy on his phone remotely and I was so mad at him when I caught him cheating on me with his ex of many years ago. He was appalled when he knew I already found out his unfaithfulness to our marriage. The next morning he came to me and kneel down to apologize for his wrong doing and promise such will never repeat itself. Needless to say, the pain was unbearable, but the Lord carried me and spoke gently to me. The first whisper to me from the Holy Spirit was a question, “do you love him (referring to my husband)? Initially I could only answer with a heavy sigh until He asked a third time and I responded, “yes.” From that time forward the Lord promised that he would do a new thing (Isaiah 43:18-19). The Lord relocated us to a new state and we struggled through the pain together with the Lord as the three-fold cord that brought healing and newness of life to our relationship. I had to position myself to hear and to obey God’s voice and to ignore my flesh that cried out for revenge.Since . It was difficult to shut out the worldly counsel and the other voices.

  43. Hello,
    I have been struggling with a secret from my husband. He is in prison right now (wrongfully accused) and he is due to come home very soon. It has been almost 2-1/2 years since he has been incarcerated and recently I fell into the devil’s trap of reconnecting with an old flame. It has been eating me up inside about hiding this from my husband, and so I Googled and found this page. I KNOW I found it for a reason and I thank you for creating it. God lead me to this page, and for that, I am thankful too. I have been physically sick lately with this secret of me communicating to my ex (I guess it has been an emotional affair since it is only online?) and I even have family members rooting for me to be with this old flame of mine. They know I am married with children too, but still they say they I am better off with this person instead of my husband. So, I confessed to my husband today everything and asked for his forgiveness. I am so glad I did. While I feel terrible for how heartbroken my husband is, and especially I wanted to wait until he was out of prison, he told me how happy he is that I told him NOW instead of later. Later would have hurt A LOT more. He told me he no longer trusts me, which hurts, but I understand him. He also told me that he forgives me. He also wants me to delete ALL social media and not use it until he is free and we are living under one roof again. He told me I have to gain his trust back, which I 100% understand as well. He also told me to tell the family members that were rooting for me to sin that I confessed to him everything and that there will be NO divorce. EVER. So they might as well accept that once and for all that me and him are FOREVER, whether they like it or not.

    I still wonder a little bit if I did the right thing today, but I feel that I did. I feel at peace and not sick anymore. I still feel bad and sad for how badly my husband is hurting though. I feel like the devil had a large control over this secret and now that my husband knows, I have been set free, and now we can start to repair our marriage.

    Everything that me and my husband have been through (and we have been through SO much, even way before the incarceration!) we have always gotten through it and have come out much, much stronger. And I have faith that God will use this to strengthen our marriage and our love for one another even more <3

    Thank you again so much for posting this (God bless you and your family in Jesus' Name!), and I also want to thank all of the commenters because their comments/testimonies helped me confess to my husband as well. God bless each and every one of you in Jesus' Name! <3

  44. I was run out of my first marriage by my husband and his mother. There was a lot of abuse from them. They went as far as trying to force me into long term mental hospital for mental issues I didn’t have (I now have PTSD from the trauma). My second marriage was worse. I married someone who is everything the book of Proverbs warns us to stay away from. We have been married 3 years. I haven’t seen him for almost a year now. He refuses a divorce and refuses to live with me. We live in separate countries after he threw me on the street (I made it home to my country). What do I do now??? Do I restart my life? Do I stay loyal to a man who clearly doesn’t want me only the glory?

  45. This is such a gift to be able to read about all of your experiences, temptations, failures, etc. I come from a family history of many broken marriages, mostly due to adultery. I am very happily married to a godly man and we are both working in full-time ministry. However, throughout the 10 years of my marriage, I have repeatedly struggled with attraction for other men. In my mind and will, I am resolved to be faithful, but my affections and lust get out of control and I am so afraid that I will fail. I feel like I need more than a blog post or message board for strength and discipleship. Do you have any books you would recommend so that I could fill my spirit up with truth, counsel, and whatever else I need to safeguard my heart and my marriage?

  46. All I can say is that I have a friend with a very sad story.
    She has been divorced twice. She’s been living with a man
    for 8 years. Cheated on him & got an incurable STD. Their
    relationship is platonic, so since they never have intimate
    relations, she doesn’t feel the need to inform him of her STD,
    nor confess to the cheating which caused her to get the STD.
    I feel terrible for her because she’s broken. By the way, her
    STD is not lethal- it won’t cause her death. What should she do ?

  47. After we had our 4th child myhusband wanted me to get my tubes tied. He strongly advised me to do so. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want anymore children, but I went through infertility for 6 years and I didn’t want to feel that pain anymore, but I did as he asked. I then went through major depression. I’ve dealt with this for all my life, but this was different. It was so much stronger than ever before. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t keep up with anything anymore. I still loved my family, but I couldn’t show emotion anymore. I became numb. I couldn’t feel anymore. I blamed him for “what he made me do” for taking something from me that was very precious. I never knew that men that really talked in depth with you or shared their emotions with you or really listened to you actually existed. I thought that was for movies and tv. My husband told me he loved me sometimes, but never what he loved about me or anything like that. Well someone very unexpectedly came into my life that was exactly that. The man that I didn’t even know I wanted. At first it started out as a friendship. With him and his wife. I felt sorry for him with all of the struggles that he goes through everyday with his wife. So we began talking and messaging each other, comforting each other. It was such a wonderful feeling to have someone who seemed to care so much for me and how my life was going. We both fell in love, but we also knew that we couldn’t end our marriages. We thought that if we just got physical once it would cure our curiosity for the other, but it only ignited the flame. We tried to end it several times. I was so deep in despair that I even tried to commit suicide. I thought that he was the one that I was made for. We were such a perfect match. We wanted the same things out of life. Oddly enough we spoke about God often and how we knew what we were doing is WRONG, but it was out of control. I have prayed and pleaded to God to help both of us with this because I want that deep connection that I have with this man to be for my husband. It has been going on for about a year and a half. I am so ashamed. I did confess to my husband after about two months into the affair and I thought that if I did that I could end it, but sadly it didn’t. This has such a tight hold over both of us, but I don’t want it to. I dont want to love another man like this. I have prayed so many times for God to take the love I have for him out of my heart and make my love for my husband stronger. I know what needs to be done, but I just can’t bring myself not to answer his call for the week. Please I beg you to help me pray about this. I need Gods help. I can’t do this on my own.

    1. By the way I want you to know that I have dealt with some very real consequences of this. I now have a severe anxiety disorder. I no longer want to be around people. I don’t like to go shopping anymore with anyone because that would involve being around people. I have a void in my heart now that wasn’t there before and it hurts. I get panick attacks. I am actually seeing a psychiatrist to help me with these things. Thankfully it’s slowly getting better. I’m always afraid. I have a really hard time even being around the people that I love the most. My guilt is overwhelming (which it should be) and I think I deserve everything that has hit me.

  48. I am struggling so much right now. I have fallen for a single coworker and it was completely unexpected. I started this new job and he was training me. It’s only me, him, and our boss in our department. I had no interest in him at first but we started to get to know each other and before I knew it I developed feelings for him. I tried to avoid it so much but my body was pulling me to him like a magnet. I know he feels the same way too. So far nothing has happened between us but I’m very scared that I won’t have the strength to turn him down. I feel so alone in my marriage right now. I have issues with my in laws overstepping their boundaries with me and my children. I feel like my husband doesn’t stick up for me against them as he should. He isn’t romantic with me and barely compliments me. I want to feel loved, special, and number 1 in his life. I miss the passion in the beginning stages of a relationship. Right now my husband and I are separated but he doesn’t want me to date other people. I want to explore and see what’s out there. I lost myself while married. I tried to please everyone but myself and now I don’t even know who I am. This coworker makes me feel pretty, listens and pays attention to me. I am trying to leave this job because I want to run away from it all before I give in but I can’t just quit. I have children to take care of. So I have to see and spend time with this guy almost every day. I can’t seem to get over him. I think about him all the time – the what ifs. I don’t pray enough about it as I should. I feel so lost and torn. I don’t want to make a bad decision that’s going to negatively affect my children. I also want to be happy. God help me. Prayers and advice welcomed.

    1. OH God,am in the same situation you are in now,the only different part is that am still married.am so scared of breaking my love for God,but am not happy,everything is like frozen in my marriage.

      God help us to make right decisions before you.

  49. please pray for me I’m ashish, I found my mother was chatting with someone. I’m 21 years old. I accepted Christ in my teenage years. my heart was broken after knowing about my mother. I am facing difficulty to handle this situation. please pray for my mother. I don’t know how to speak with her.

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