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The Power of a Positive Woman in Her Home

When trying to make our homes a haven, there are nine positive changes we can make; realizing the power of a positive woman in her home. #WomenLivingWell #homemaking #positivity #makingyourhomeahaven

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball.  As we seek to make our homes a haven, reality strikes — headaches, hormones, financial pressures, and difficult relationships stand in the way of our dreams.

Recently, I was listening to a  speaker who said, “we should balance every negative interaction with 10 positive ones”.

Our negativity can become like a heavy cloud in our homes when we are expressing frustrations (not just about our husband or children) but with the world in general.  We can seem unhappy and make others feel like they are walking on egg shells when they are around us.  This negativity is contagious and can become like a wet blanket over the home.

Do you have a running list of negatives in your head?

Do you find yourself complaining a lot?

Do you regularly point out everything wrong with your home, husband, kids, church, school, community and the world?

Smile.

There is power in being a positive woman!  Your family will smile back at you!  It’s contagious!

Last week, I encouraged you to light a candle and pray for peace and patience in your home.  I want to again – encourage you to continue lighting your candles and this week – let’s add to our candle, classical, worship or upbeat music that your family enjoys.

Music.

It has a strange effect on people.  Certain songs can flood our minds with good memories.  Others can touch a painful and tender place deep inside of us and cause us to cry.  Other songs make us lift our hands in worship or to break down and boogie!

Music changes the atmosphere of our homes.

Edith Shaefer says “There is a charm in making music together which not only stimulates interest and creativity, but which breaks through whining and fussing and clears the atmosphere.”

Music is a positive change!  There is power in being positive!

In our home, soft piano music plays 24/7.  Yes, even in the middle of the night we have music going.  We can’t hear it in our bedrooms, but I like coming down the stairs in the morning to a serene atmosphere.

Now we can’t have our candles burning, our music going and prayers for peace going up to God and not pause to take a look at our own hearts.  Is there anything we are doing with our words that could be stirring up strife and interrupting peace in our homes?

Proverbs speaks to the power of our tongue and the power it has to create strife or to bring peace.

Here’s 9 Positive Changes We Can Make

1.) Pursue Discernment

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning.”
Proverbs 10:13

2.) Hold Your Tongue

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
Proverbs 10:19

3.) Hold your Tongue Some More! Lol!

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.”
Proverbs 11:12

4.) Overlook Insults

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 12:16

5.) Use Your Tongue to Bring Healing

Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18

6.) Guard Your Lips

He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”
Proverbs 13:3

7.) Be Slow to Anger

“A quick tempered man does foolish things.”
Proverbs 14:17

8.) Give Gentle Answers

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

9.) Use Restraint

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”
Proverbs 17:27

There’s a lot of food for thought there in Proverbs.  Just think – if we actually followed the wisdom of God in these verses, how our homes and relationships would be transformed!

Take heart…we all fail – we all mess up.  The cross says, we are all flawed and in need of God’s grace and strength to overcome. Repent and apologize to those you have wronged with your words.

This is why I love my candle and soft music.  In the midst of my struggles and life’s curve balls, my candle keeps on burning and my soft music…keeps on playing.

Morning, noon and night they serve me. My candle serves me with a flickering warm light, a pleasant scent, and a reminder to turn to God as my source of strength and help.

My music serves me with a soothing sound.

They don’t make messes, they don’t need managed, they just simply bless me and my family.  That’s why I sure hope you will give this week’s challenge a try!

Here’s this week’s challenge:

Keep your candles burning, your prayers going and add soft music in your home.  Choose worship, classical, jazz or another form of peaceful music that the family enjoys. Focus on using peaceful words and maintaining peaceful relationships.  Work on gentleness and self-control this week.

Bonus Challenge – Try exchanging every negative interaction with 5 positives ones (10 is a bit much! Lol!).  We started doing this in our home last week and it brought a lot of laughs but also a lot of awareness to the kids and my husband and I of how often we are negative!  It sure isn’t easy to live out but there is power in being a positive woman.

Together, let’s do this!

Walk with the King,

Courtney

**Chime In**

Are you taking the challenge this week?  What kind of music is playing in your house?  Have you been lighting your candle?  How has God worked in your home through this challenge?

Personal note: My two favorite CD’s that play all day and night are George Winston’s December Piano Music and David Nevue’s O Come Emmanuel Piano Music.  I own many David Nevue Albums and love them all!
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56 Comments

  1. Thank you Courtney for putting us up to this challenge! I’ve been lighting my candle since last week and already I’ve found myself praying more for my family. There is a candle store near my husband’s job so the other day I asked him to pick up a candle for me whenever he had a chance. Today he came home with 6 candles! He said, “I didn’t know which one you’d like so I got every one!” What a blessing he is to me! I love how God uses him! As for the music, I love listening to Misty Edwards or Hillsong in the background. Thanks again for the challenge! May you and your family be blessed as you pour into us! God bless you!

    1. Leah,

      Wow – 6 new candles – what a good man! I love that he did this for you. So encouraging to hear and I love Hillsong too!

      Thank you for sharing this. Enjoy your new candles!
      Courtney

    2. Thank you so , so much Courtney!! After I prayed for my husband and son it was my turn and I was looking for on how to pray for myself? I came across this challenge and I’m so grateful and thank you so much?

    1. Mary,

      I have not listened to his – I’ll have to try it sometime soon. Thanks for sharing that and I agree – praise music really helps my mood too!

      Lots of Love,
      Courtney

    2. I too use and listen to the Shawn Macdonald station for restoring and waking me up to whats important! Happy listening.

      1. Bless you for suggesting Shawn McDonald to everyone. I just listened to him on Pandora and really enjoyed the song. Moreover I think his music that my 20-something will enjoy also.

  2. I LOVE the idea of keeping music on all night! I have always had music going for most of the day, but I love the thought of waking up to it! I really is amazing how music sets a tone in the home!

    EXCELLENT!

  3. I use wax tart burners instead of candles because they are safer, I’m afraid one of my cats could knock it over. I love the idea of having music playing. I try to be positive and encouraging, but it’s hard. Both my husband and I have health problems as well as financial problems. We are older, I am 59, Neil is 68. We are estranged from 3 of 4 of our children. Neil is not a positive person. He sees the dark side of everything. I try to point out the good, but it’s difficult. He is very negative towards me, I am seen as a responsibility, but little else. I’m not sure how to handle all of this.

    1. Liz Lynn,
      I am lifting up prayers for you to trust God and put your health, your husband, your estranged children and each day in His hand. The Bible says we are to count our blessings. This forces us to fix our eyes on the good and not the bad. You may have a lot of negative in your life, but as you pray for your husband and your situation then focus on the good and be thankful you will begin to change and certainly your husband will too. Jesus is our Redeemer, our Restorer, our Healer, our Savior. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. The only way we can “handle” the hard things in life is by truly trusting in Him to do what He says He will do. Remember that He loved you enough to die so you could truly live. Live for Him. God bless you. Prayers are going up.

  4. Candles: yes. Music: no. My husband and I are near deaf and if we want to hear music instead of feeling it it needs to be so loud that neighbours 3 doors down each side can hear it too. 🙂 Peace in the neighbourhood goes above nice music to listen too 😀

    1. My husband without his hearing aids hears nothing at all, so it is up to me or a Service we used to have. I however, do put my music on low at night. I still wake up if i need to!

  5. Hi Courtney
    Please can you explain how to exchange the negative interaction with positive ones. I don’t understand how to do this. Thanks

    1. Hi Sophia,

      Recently my husband was listening to music in the car that is not my favorite – and I criticized it (this has been an argument before) – right after I said the negative words I caught myself and said “I love you” (positive) then I rubbed his arm and smiled at him and said sorry. Positive positive positive. Negative is all fixed! And he actually changed the channel – yay! Lol!

      Hope that helps,
      Courtney

  6. I am going through a very negative time right now. My oldest started college in August, my youngest is a sophomore in high school and very active and social. I have always worked at home so I could care for them and I am starting to feel lost. I often get jealous of my husband because he gets to talk to adults all day (he thinks that’s ridiculous, because he’s not crazy about the people he works with). I am starting to snap at the littlest things and as my husband says, I am negative all the time and create drama where there isn’t any. I tend to focus on the negative instead of all the blessings I have. One of my friends said years ago, that I have “too much time in my own head/thoughts”. Pretty sure she’s right. I’m very glad I found this website, I enjoy these challenges.

    1. Perhaps you should get a part-time job outside your home, where you could interact with people. Remember, even the Proverbs 31 woman went out selling to merchants. She wasn’t home all day,and yet her children rose up to call her blessed.

    1. I LOVE piano music too!!! I love George Winston and David Nevue’s CD’s. I have not heard of John Albert Thomas but I want to look him up – thanks for sharing Shari!
      Courtney

      1. Oh my goodness!! I know David Nevue from years ago in youth group in Colorado Springs! I cannot wait to tell him I saw his name in a wonderful complement on your page! (He is so talented!!)

  7. Thank you cortney for Always help me making my days more enjoyable and for helping me save my marriage and be content. I light my cappucino truffle candel every day and play music by Casting crowns before i see my 3 children off to school , then i say my personale prayers , do my Chores and leave for work! In the evening when i come home i Always prat w and for my children husband marriage and mother in law!
    God bless you ?
    Love from Norway

  8. Courtney, I am going to do this! I think it will help me with my mood and with my family’s mood. I appreciate you! God Bless, Martine

    p.s. I need to be positive, because I was getting sad about a few things. Thank you for the reminder.

  9. The candle has helped our house so much! Well, actually it’s all the prayers for peace when I see the candle, but that visual reminder has resulted in so many prayers for peace that now most of my day I am walking past it and thanking God for the peace.
    We usually have a radio in the kitchen playing Air1 because my 4 year old daughter loves singing along to Chris Tomlinson and Jeremy Camp and having dance parties while we clean. During quieter times of the day, like school time and nap time for the baby, we have Chris Rice’s Living Room Sessions (old hymns on a piano) playing on a constant loop from the iPod.

  10. Good morning! I have been participating in the challenge and this is my first time. I absoluely love it, thank you, Courtney! I light my pumpkin spice candle every morning before work and spend time in prayer for peace and patience over our home. My 13 yr old daughter then wakes up and we pray together “the three things” 1. Thank God for 3 things (this puts God first) 2. Pray for 3 people in our lives (this puts others before ourselves) and 3. Pray for 3 needs we have (ask and you shall receive). I thought lighting a candle is such a small thing to do, but it turned out to be a BIG thing by making me more intentional about praying more. I tend to get so caught up in life and the busyiness of life that I rush around, forgetting what’s most important. I have a negative situation in my life right now that I am struggling with and have been praying diligently over and trying to stay positive. I am praying for my fiance’s heart and our future, trusting God that our future will unfold according to His perfect plan and purpose. I am letting God write my story!! I am looking forward to this week’s new challenge!
    Peace

  11. When we were raising our kids who are all 35 and older, with children of their own) we started putting on worship music before they got for church Sunday mornings. It’s hard to fight over the bathroom, what you are wearing, or a bad hair day, when there’s an atmosphere of worship. No fighting with the fake, public smiles being plastered on as we walked into the church! We have kept that routine while empty nesters, and for the past 2 years as we starter raising a now 3 1 / 2 year old grandson. What a difference there is in toddler tantrums with “There Is a Redeemer” (his favorite) playing in the background. They are non existent. I’m going to try this for every morning….starting TODAY, lol!

  12. I have my candle burning. I’ve been praying for peace daily in our home. Seems I am playing a lot of music but need to find some good classical “calming” music or old hymns to play. It’s been such a stressful couple months I have enjoyed taking this challenge and trying to bring calm to our home. Thank you for leading us in this.

  13. This meshed in with my Bible study this morning. Matthew 7:2 can be read in two different ways – usually it is read as a warning against negative interactions. As I read it and prayed over it, I realised that it is also a mandate to pursue positive interactions (think reward not judgement).
    “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (NIV)
    Thanks for this challenge. I’m taking it up for another year.

    1. What a refreshing way to interpret Matt7:2! By looking at others (judging) and viewing them in a positive light, I can expect they’ll do the same. If I want our Lord and Savior to loving view me as His beautiful creation, that exact same ‘lens’ should be used by me to view others. That will definitely put a positive spin on things. Bless you!

  14. I searched for a morning Bible Study on Google this morning, and it led me to you… Or, shall I say the Lord led me to you. I had the most amazing quiet time with you today. I did light a candle, and turned on some lovely Christian music, and the sun came through the curtains as the day began…. Thank you! Thank you for the positive spin you put on my morning, and my day! I will put these words into practice as I guard my lips and hold my tongue to keep negative thoughts and comments back, and I will be putting praise on my lips, and healing words instead of hurtful comments.
    What a day this will be. See you tomorrow!!!

  15. Yes I will be doing both challenges. The candle has been the tricky part, my husband is allergic to the scents, so I can only burn them when he isnt home. However I placed the candle in a central location, so that when I pass it, whether lit or not I send up a prayer. The music I will start today. and thank you so much for the War Room idea. My bathroom was always my peaceful zone, I normally read books in their. Now I have made it my war room and refuse to take novels in there, instead I have prayer books and other inspirational topics on hand, for long stays :). I also find I just say a quick prayer when I enter it even for a short time. Thank you for your God inspired inspiration.

    1. You could try a battery operated candle. My Dad has allergies and although they aren’t real they have some that have a realistic glow.

  16. Courtney, I love these truths…especially #2. And, yes! I’m a candle and music girl too. Every morning. Earlier this week, I was not conscientious about something and hurt someone. I said I was sorry, I really meant it and I felt bad, but they were still hurt and it lingered. Yesterday, I got that small prompting to bring over some flowers. I almost ignored it, but I did it. That was the game-changer. The mood lifted and restoration happened. Man, am I ever learning to listen to the Spirit in these things! Thanks for your consistent wisdom here.

  17. Hi, Courtney! This has been a wonderful challenge. My husband was very engaging and asking questions about the purpose of the candle. He knows I love candles, so he went out and bought me two more. Haha I have had several people that have been over ask me about the candle and love the symbolism, love and warmth the candle represents. I love Celtic music, so the Celtic Women Station on Pandora has been playing in my house.

    Blessings,
    Lauren

  18. How I wish I would have read this when my daughter was young. Better late than never I guess…I’m going to do better. Thank you for such a wonderful post….you are a blessing. My daughters 27 and working now…she’s such a blessing. God is so good.

  19. I just want to thank you for letting yourself be used by God to help and encourage. I have enjoyed the Acts bible study and the articles you’ve written about our homes. I wrote down 2 of the verses from Proverbs to memorize. You’re ministry is a blessing to me.

  20. I am taking this challenge for the first time. I have been casually stalking the website for a while, and I felt a real calling recently to improve my quiet time with God and my prayer life. Since I’ve been devoting more time to reading my Bible and praying, it’s like prayers have been getting answered left and right. I started burning my candle last week, and I look forward to adding music to our home this week. I am often stressed from work, and I know I get short tempered with my husband at times when he doesn’t deserve it. My hope is that this challenge will help change the atmosphere of our home, and of me!

    Blessings and thanks!
    Roxy

  21. Wow! God sure gives us what we need when we need it. I am in the midst of a difficult stressful situation right now and trying not to worry and fret unnecessarily. Was getting ready to light my candle and had just put on some worship music when I say down and read this. Talk about knowing when God is speaking to you! Thank you for this!

  22. Along with giving gentle answers, I find myself needing to watch my tone with requests or tasks given. One of my children reacts very negatively when my tone is harsher or hurried, so if I watch that he is much easier to get through to.

    Music playing is key for us when our days are not going well. It is much harder to have a bad attitude when praise music fills the house!

  23. I bought a cranberry coloured beeswax candle which I love to light every day! It’s a biggy so it’s best to have it lit for 3-4 hours! It’s a great visual reminder to pray and give thanks! Thank you for such a beautiful idea!
    I utubed Shawn McDonald and will def play more of him…
    Our son was always a loud and busy person and since he moved out…our home is very quiet…too quiet!
    I feel so blessed to have found your site! God is always keeping such good care of us!!

  24. I have been lighting my salted caramel candle and praying for peace in my house, as well as for my children’s houses. I am also walking around the perimeter of my house to pray for the outside, and for the neighbors. Now with the music, I have to practice the piano (sometimes peaceful, sometimes not), but at other times I will have Christian music playing in the background when I am at home, and always in the car when I travel to and fro.

  25. I always tell my son “check yourself before you wreck yourself” when he says or does things when he gets upset. The candle in our living room has not only been a reminder to pray for our home atmosphere but also to check myself when I get upset. I have a mix of classical and Enya going constantly all night and either that or our local Christian station during the day.

  26. Thank you Courtney! I have had a candle in my kitchen for years, but am now burning it more often & for a purpose – praying for peace & harmony every time I pass it or see the flickering flame from the family room. But I need a new one today!! We’ve also done music a couple of times recently, which is great. My husband is a big TV guy, so this is a harder challenge. I know that my candle & prayers have made a difference for me and my attitude!!

    I read ahead for the other weeks & am going to switch up week 3 & week 4. I wanted to share my idea for week 4 in case it helps someone else with a idea.

    We are both big fans of the Food Network show Chopped. So one night my husband will shop for 4 “mystery basket ingredients” and then I will make dinner with whatever he picks! And I can use whatever else I have in my pantry. It was a way to get him more involved with me & he loved the idea. I did remind him that he has to eat what I make!!

    Thank you so much for this challenge!

  27. I haven’t been lighting a candle but burning my scentsy warmers! I love David Dunn station on Pandora! I love listening to my little kids singing along….:)

  28. This is extremely difficult especially sitting in offense but I believe my faith, family and future are worth it. Thank you

  29. Hi ladies! I am loving this challenge, for my heart’s desire is that my home provide a safe sanctuary for my family. I am 55, so I don’t have any little ones at home (my son is 32) except for grand daughters and they are grand! But even more crucial right now is the condition of my mom. She is in a nursing home with sever dementia, and we are awaiting test results on a mass in her pelvic area that, quote, “Looks very bad.” So since I’m the oldest of her four children, my home may be a much needed haven for them as well. They all tend to migrate toward me, “Kak,” in times of trouble. Today I have the Yankee Peach Cobbler candle burning, and a an easy listening, all instrumental channel that comes through our cable service. God bless you for and in your ministry, Courtney. Your words and thoughts have tremendously helped me stay on track since I became disabled myself. A don’t-care attitude worked its way into my heart, and my home was a shambles. But, with the help of Jesus, and you, I have climbed out of that hole and am getting things back in order!

  30. Courtney, May I share this blog on our Women Ministries Facebook page? I can post the link if that’s what you would prefer. I believe that many women would be encouraged by your words. Thanks so much! Linda

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