/ / Marriage, Divorce and Singleness

Marriage, Divorce and Singleness

The Bible addresses all of these: the blessing of marriage, the pain of divorce, and the calling to singleness - and here is what Paul says to each.

All of us fall into one of two categories – we are either married or single.  Some are happily married and some are happily single but others feel trapped in their marriage or singleness.  Sometimes though, the grass is not greener.

On today’s video, we are going to take a closer look at 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Paul has a message for both married and singles and he also touches on divorce.  So at the end of today’s video,  I will also share some of my story from going through an unwanted divorce.

{If you are reading this in an email or feed –click here to view the video}


A Word of Encouragement for Those Going Through a Divorce:

I never thought I’d be in this place.  I have been single now for almost 4 years.  In some ways – they have been the longest four years of my life and in other ways they have literally flown by.  One thing is for sure – the first two years, were the darkest years of my life and so I want to encourage those who are going through a divorce right now.

Divorce is life altering and life changing.  It can feel like the ground underneath you has turned into quick sand and there are days when you will feel like you are sinking and there is no one there to save you.  Don’t give up!  God is with you and He does see you and He is helping you even when you cannot see Him.  One day you will look back and you will see the fingerprints of God all over your story – so hang tight and keep going.

Try to enjoy the freedom that your singleness brings in this new season of life.   I spent so much time in the beginning just trying to make sense of it all and then struggling to remain as stable and strong as I could for the kids, that I could not see the new freedom that was just around the corner.  Though I did not ask for it – there it was waiting for me.  Some days I fully enjoy the freedom that singleness has surprisingly delivered to me. Other days, I don’t want the freedom.  It just plain hurts and I long for someone to talk to, do dinner with, laugh with or cuddle with.  But this is what I have learned – we cannot put our lives on hold waiting on a man to pursue us. We must go forward with life and live it to the fullest!  Explore this new freedom and try new things.  Use this time to go in deeper in your walk with the Lord, feed your friendships and have fun!

You are a survivor. God is with you and he loves you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  You are going to make it through and I promise that the pain and fear you feel in your heart today, will not always be so intense.  One day you will wake up and your heart will feel lighter.

Never stop praying or lose faith.  God hears every prayer you pray, even when it feels like your prayers are hitting the ceiling and bouncing back.  I encourage you to start a journal and write down your feelings. You have to get them out and grieve your many losses.  It’s good and healing to process them in this way.

Turn to God.  He will wipe every tear away and begin to restore the broken places in your heart.  You won’t see it happening at the time but as days turn into months and years, you will look back and see how far you have come.  God will heal your wounds and make you whole again.

God sees you.  Sometimes you may feel invisible – you aren’t.  God sees you and is with you.  God has given you unique gifts and talents to use for his glory.   He has also given you a unique freedom to to use your gifts and talents.   This is truly special – you are special!  God loves you!

You are not alone. When you feel lonely, remember that you are not alone.  Go in deeper with the Lord and enjoy intimacy with Christ.  Fight for joy and contentment and keep taking your worries and fears to the Lord. Keep holding onto hope. On days when the pain and struggle seems like it is too much to bear and then — the night turns long – hang on – because morning always comes and there is new joy in the morning.

Lord my God, I called to you for help,
    and you healed me.
You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
    you spared me from going down to the pit.

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
    praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
    but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
    but rejoicing comes in the morning.
(Psalm 30:1-5)

God loves you so.

Walk with the King,

 

 


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19 Comments

  1. Courtney thank you for sharing! I know that it is not always easy but thank you for being faithful! For encouraging us to remain faithful to the Lord even when everything around us is falling apart. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy BUT Jesus came to give us life and He gives it abundantly. Hugs to you my dear sister in the Lord!

  2. Thank you Courtney for sharing about your life with us as women! You clearly explained this passage of scripture and applied it directly to your own life! You are mighty strong all because of your walk with the King! Many women of divorce have lost their roles in the church and it shouldn’t be this way. I pray your testimony has hard as it is will begin to reach many Christian women living through unwanted divorces! I can see God’s perfect timing in your life that now you are teaching from 1 Corinthians and you are glowing beautifully from the inside out! You are more than a conqueror! Thank you for being open with a very personal painful but extremely current and needed issue with us as women. It is not something I have gone through but I have friends that have.

  3. Courtney, thank you for your vulnerability and thank you for encouraging us with the Word … As you walk with the King , May you twirl a little bit today in His love for you ….

  4. So well written and articulated…thank you for not shying away from the truth of God’s word. You excellently took the Bible’s words and put your circumstances through its lens (not vice versa which we are so prone to do) Hope that makes sense;)

  5. I am so sorry that you had to endure the devastating pain of divorce. But may the Lord continue to lift you up and use you as an encouragement to others. My mom always says God doesn’t trust such adversity to just anyone. He has deemed you trustworthy.

  6. Courtney, thank you for sharing. I’ve been doing your bible study for around 6 years and care very much for you and your family. Now I’m watching my best friend go through a very unexpected divorce. Our vulnerability makes us stronger. Xo

  7. Thanks for sharing, I could identify with what you have been through, except mine was planned and done by yours truly. I had to walk away and later divorce him for my well being, this was done with God’s help and guidance after much prayer. Now I am happily divorced, I have done so many things that I never knew I had the potential to do. I have a new perspective on life, I live every day giving thanks to God and fully enjoying my singleness. I have no regret except for not doing it sooner. Blessings!

  8. Courtney, Wow, this is difficult for me to digest. Never could imagine this one either. I recall viewing your pictures of your family during the holidays and I felt so warm & fussy inside and happy for you and your family that things were great for you all and I would say a prayer to keep you guys strong because we know the struggles are so very real too. Especially when you walk with God but he uses us to do his will & I promise you will make it through he promised to never leave us or forsake us. Keep the faith girl, God loves????????you????. Also, speaking of Gods will, you are not alone because I never imagined that I would not be a Mom and here I am experiencing and coping with what I never imagined for myself either, 2 degrees BA&MBA, happily married with a cute 8 yr old Maltese (fur baby) that recently passed away (possibly cancer??) this early spring. I know, some say I’m blessed and I believe it, it’s God’s will & he decides our lives. After some time passes, we will decide on a new puppy ???? to adopt. Life can be the total opposite of what we imagine. Gods blessings????.

  9. Your words today were also encouragement to myself, a recent widow after 56 years of marriage. The feelings you describe with divorce are similar to a death, and we all know that divorce is similar to death if only to one of the marriage participants. Thank you for the encouraging words because with my husband’s death, even in our agedness, and knowing he was ill for the past years, it is still as the feelings you describe, and a newness of being single, which I don’t like, but it has been given me to deal with.
    Also, I walked through my daughter’s heartbreaking divorce, but your words that you will see God’s hands in it later are so true. 12 years later, she has been blessed with a wonderful husband. But also, as you say, she had to be strong with a basically new born to raise. She doesn’t feel she was strong, but she was. You are a blessing. I have followed you off and on since around 2013.

  10. Courtney, I started following your blog in roughly 2013. At that time, I was not in a very healthy marriage, and I was not a very good wife. I started watching your videos about how a Godly wife should be, and how she should look after her marriage. I watched your short videos over and over and over again. I started praying that Jesus would change me into what my husband needed me to be. God met me where I was, and transformed me into what He wanted me to be. Now six years later, I looked back and I hardly recognize the wife I used to be be.

    I am so sorry that you have gone through such a difficult season. However, your devotion to marriage healed mine. I can’t thank you enough for your gentle words in all of your videos. You are open, honest, and so nonjudgmental.

    I only hope you get a chance to read this comment, because I am so incredibly grateful for you. ❤️????????

  11. Great word to those of us who walked that road. Getting divorced was the hardest thing I ever went through. I felt badly for seeking help from an abusing spouse that lead to him choosing sin over us. People in churches especially can be so judgmental to those who are divorced. I allowed him to abuse me for 12 years but so many assumed I just gave up. Being physically and mentally abused in order to give my kids a dad is not quitting. Thank you for addressing a much needed topic.

  12. You may not read my comment or care what I have to say. But for what it’s worth, you are and have always been the Picture of Contentment to me. Love you a bunch!

  13. Courtney
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    It isn’t always easy to be so transparent. But that is why the Lord has sent us here to share our challenges to help lift another
    We can heal so much quicker when we use what we have learned to lift another’s burdens. Then our challenges don’t seem so overwhelming.
    Satan would have us crawl into a cave in utter darkness and not turn to the one who has given us light, our Heavenly Father.
    Jesus has already suffered our burdens and knows how to comfort us if we but just keep an open line of communication in the form of prayer to our Father in Heaven in Jesus name.
    Having gone through a surprise abandonment & divorce 16 years ago having lost everything but my testimony of God & Jesus Christ. I truly know the burden & challenge after 28 years of marriage of transitioning into single life. Is it the way I saw my life going? No.
    And I know it isn’t what Heavenly Father wanted for me either. But when you have a husband that is so damaged by PTSD that he felt he needed to abandon all family & the country he had served for 21 years you don’t have much say in their decision.
    But I chose to immediately turn him over to the Lord as he made him and he was the only one who could help him.
    Was it easy no. But I never wanted to be one of those bitter divorcees who drags the entire family down the road to misery.
    I kept a line of communication open to inspiration & counsel from my loving Heavenly Father by reading my scriptures, listening to inspired talks, keeping a journal, attending the temple & I allowed my church community & friends & family to lift me up when I didn’t have the strength to do it myself.
    Someone said to me one day you need to forgive him. I replied I don’t because I never accused him. It is not for me to judge. I hadn’t walked in his shoes.
    But this would not have been possible without turning it all over to the Lord and putting him at my helm.
    I was walking through a self-help section of the bookstore one day and realised the best self-help book of all time is our scriptures & prayer.
    Heavenly Father will never abandons us!!! We make the choice to have a relationship with our Father in Heaven. He is always there… What I have realized is that I am never alone. Yes, I get lonely but Heavenly Father is with me 24/7.
    “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” with the Lord at my helm.
    It gets better the more you focus on what is it Heavenly Father would have you to do & be.
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    So to all my fellow survivors remember your not alone on this journey called life.
    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  14. I believe God gives us more than we can manage so we rely on HIM in those times.. I am going through such times.. it feels at time as if I am constantly being hit left and right with something.. first with my marriage, then my youngest children making choices that affected them as juveniles and now my oldest son, being estranged from me at this time.. Though my calamities are nothing compared to JOB of the bible .. it does feel in some way like it is.. emotionally and relational. But like him I refuse to “Curse and Blame GOD”.. If anything it has forced me to draw closer to him.. Though my pain is very real and raw.. His LOVE Defends Me!

  15. Courtney, I too needed to hear these words today. My husband left me almost 10 years ago for several someone elses. He claimed to be a christian and for the most part I feel he is. Just not serving Him anymore. We basically lived apart all that time and only a year ago i decided after much prayer and advice from christian friends I decided to file for divorce as I realized he wasnt coming back. My divorce just became final this year on Sept 5th. It was an ugly time with him fighting against sharing anything financial. I humbly say during ) I was a faithful wife to him. I wanted to be the best example to my only daughter I could be. God has literally carried me thru and put finances and people where they needed to be to help along the way especially since i went thru 4th stage uterine cancer 3 years after he left and my daughter getting married and who has now having given birth to my 2 granddaughters in the last four years. Life has been rough and at first I wanted to die but I sought His will in it all and he truly blessed me and watched over me. Ive never dated again and not sure I ever want to but hope God will guide me in what to do if that question or opportunity arises. I cant even imagine falling in love again and honestly am fearful of it now. At 60 years old almost i dont think I will but at least I know I will continue to seek His will not mine. Thank you and Im sorry for all youve had to go thru. I know the pain and struggle but I know from your words of encouragement, it will get better if we take the opportunity to serve God in our singleness. Singing on the praise team at church as really helped me. I never thought id feel happy again but today I truly feel like I do have a new found freedom Im truly enjoying. Thanks for all your words of encouragement from Gods Word and Im so enjoying the Bible studies. Thank you for serving God this way for us women trying our best to live well.
    sincerely,
    Vickie Reel

  16. Hi Courtney,

    Great readings and thoughts shared in the video. I’m (a man) going through an unwanted divorce, and agree that home should be the “first mission field”. Any suggestions to help my children during this time.

    Regards,
    Stephen

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