Dear Husbands – An Open Letter to Our Men

Dear Husbands...

The title of my blog is Women Living Well. I write to women only —

— but from time to time I receive an email that says, “my husband is so glad I read your blog – he reads over my shoulder.”  :)

And so though my ministry is to women –I wanted to follow up last Monday’s post about our Husband’s Headship with an open letter to the husband who might be peaking over his wife’s shoulder.

Dear Husbands,

We wives have loved you since the day you slipped that ring on our finger. You were everything we dreamed of and more!

We want to live a life filled with open hearts, open dreams and 2 hearts beating as one.

Some days we sense distance – we draw near but you are under the stress of work and bills and daily pressures. We know you just need us to hold your hand and be still.

We want to talk till the the sunsets and then comes up again and we know – you don’t. We know that living with a woman is not always easy – we are such opposites and yet this is what makes the possibility for intimacy endless.

Sometimes we attempt to lead – either it’s because you are being silent in an area that matters to us or we want to change your mind. It may almost appear that we don’t want you to lead us.

But do you really want to know the truth?

Do you really want to know our hearts cry?

Here’s what we really want.

We want to know that you are walking with the King.

We want to see your Bible open and your head bowed in prayer.

We want to hear about what God is laying on your heart for the vision of our family.

We want to pray with you over your hopes and dreams and struggles.

We want to help you reach your goals.  We want to be a strong woman behind a great man.

We want you to be a great man.

But sometimes we get scared.  We are scared to follow your lead because we aren’t sure where you are headed.  We get scared to follow your lead because it’s so hard to surrender control.

But we need you.

YOU –are irreplaceable in this family and we want you to live out your God-given role in our home.

For His glory…

Friends, I think this video displays well the struggles on BOTH sides.  I hope you will watch it and pray for your spouse during it.

(if you cannot see the video – click here to view it)

Wives, do you see the burden your husband’s carry?

This video captures both sides so well. For a moment, imagine the burden your husband carries on his broad shoulders everyday.

The role of leader can be lonely.

And I see the hearts cry of the husband – “Father, lead me cause I can’t do this alone.”


Are you longing for your husband to lead?

There is something you can do —


…and when he steps up and leads…

step back and let him.

Walk with the King,





  1. Melissa says

    Wow. I haven’t watched the video yet, but that prayer is powerful. It brought tears to my eyes, for we have struggled with each Of those areas mentioned. Thank you for saying what so many of us feel.

    • Chris (a husband) says

      This blog was shared by friend on Facebook and I read it. I wept openly here at my desk.

      I will tell you the truth. We have no idea what we’re doing. Our father’s made it look so easy. I never saw my father look at another woman, never caught him staring a little too long or saw a weak moment where he doubted he was providing. He was iron forged in God’s foundry and I never saw how he was made.

      My father was a very quiet man, never shared praise or explained himself or his struggles. I had his example but no path toward his his courage. I came home from some terrible things and found an amazing woman that held me and chased the visions of war and the demons that haunted me over what I’d done away. She stayed when everything in society told her to “get away from him”.
      Of course I love her but once I’m standing on my own feet and my shoulders are straight again, I’m still a lost little boy.

      I try to walk with the King but that is even harder when the “Church” has become commercialized and big box like Wal*Mart and is often more about flash and circumstance and politics than helping me thrive.

      I see the fear in your eyes. I see the doubt you’ve put in my Children and I cant fight the entire world and drag you kicking and screaming behind me. It’s not fair.

      I need you more than you need me. There are millions of broken men. I know some of them and I fear for them and am afraid my weakness will have you push me aside to be one of them.

      I do feel alone, the destruction is so great out there that I struggle to find faith from any source worthy of my trust.

      O Lord, give me the strength to be the man my family needs me to be. I pray that a humble life filled with your glory is enough to compete with the commercial, plastic society I and my family are exposed to.

      I pray that you help me look back toward my family and forget all the temptations and extravagances that are sold as necessary.

      I pray I, your humble servant, am enough to satisfy this amazing woman and her children in this world of “not enough”.

      • amanda says

        I heard this song in the car and tried not cry where the kids could hear. I want this so badly in our lives, for him to lead by following God. I’ve cried out during fights, “Lord! Please, Lord.” I didn’t know what else to say. I knew he was there with us, but I didn’t know what was right to say or what was wrong. What did God want me to say? Did he want me to be quiet and stuff my feelings or to speak up with the brokenness of my heart? It’s been a couple weeks or these thoughts. I am behind in my email and just randomly started checking when I came upon this. UNBELIEVEABLE but not. I didn’t even know how to get my husband to hear this song. The letter is amazing. It made me silently cry again. Thank you for being an answer to my prayers.

  2. heather says

    I wish my husband would read this post as this has been a struggle all along for us. Unfortunately there is zero communication between us he has moved out and stepped out of our marriage. Courtney you say everything so well in a way I wish I could come up with on my own. I pray every night that things will turn around.

      • Nic says

        My husband hasn’t moved out physically but he definitely has emotionally, so I share your pain. These messages always remind to pray in all circumstances and not give up.

    • Jennifer says


      I will pray for you and your family as our family has been going through the same experience. My husband also moved out. It has been difficult as I never wanted this to be a chapter in the lives of my children. Continue to pray for your family as I do for mine, because I know that God will work it out according to His will. I do hope that my husband will return, but if he doesn’t then I just pray that God continues to carry us through and holds us tightly. He knows what we need.

  3. April says

    I have been very blessed to have a husband that will lead. You hit the nail on the head when you said that we want our husbands to be great men! You have such a way with words! a real gift!

  4. Rachel says

    Preach on sister! I found you on pintrest and follow your blog.
    I have been working on stepping down, it is the hardest thing. I wanted to always submit, but then began to doubt and not trust. It does make a mess for both of us. Thank you for the reminder to pray about this specifically.

  5. Kiley Middleton says

    You have NO IDEA how much I needed to hear this tonight. My heart is so heavy because I am the spiritual leader of my home and I yearn for my husband to step up and lead our family and be the man of God that I KNOW he is called to be. I have been in constant prayer for about 3 days now, and my spirits are way down. I know God will perfect everything in His timing and I am trying my hardest to be a patient/loving/caring/understanding wife. But it gets so hard and frustrating at times, because sometimes I get so tired of feeling like I am the only one trying. Prayers are appreciated. :-)

    • Jen says

      I’ve been there, remember when it lines up with God’s word, we can have faith that it will come to pass. Keep that hope in God alone to work out what you need and so badly desire. He is faithful. Praying for you!

    • Katie says

      I’m in a similar situation, Kiley. My husband and I argue over our differing views concerning faith and church more than anything else. I feel so connected to my faith and he was raised with very little influence from the church- ANY church. I constantly pray that God is working behind the scenes in his heart in ways that I just can’t see yet. In the meantime I try to lead where I feel that I can and look for opportunities to let him do the leading. It’s a real struggle. One of those things that I think defines our strong but wavering marriage. Thank you for sharing your situation and know that you are not alone.

      • Kiley Middleton says

        Thank you, Katie, for sharing with me as well. It is VERY comforting to know that I am not alone. I pray, pray, pray for God to work in my husband’s heart every day. I like how you said you have to believe that He is “working behind the scenes” in your husband’s heart. I will pray for you too :-)

  6. Paige says

    I wish my husband walked with the Lord. Our marriage has been very rocky now for 10 years. I love him. I don’t love his addictions to alcohol and porn. I am in my early fifties and am wishing we had separate bedrooms now. I struggle each day with…..”should I leave”? or “should I stay”? We have grown apart……oceans apart. I stay because I don’t want God mad at me.

    Your letter and prayer has brought tears to my eyes. I have tried to gently talk with my husband about the Lord, but he tunes me out. I have my sister, her husband and their friends praying for David, but it has been so many years now…………….I am tired and have health issues that are cropping up. I pray for strength to just get through another day and night.

    • says

      Paige –

      I met a woman a year ago who shared her story with me. Her and her hubby were going through the motions of divorce. Neither were a believer at the time. A friend was gracious enough to tell her during this time that God didn’t like divorce. And the Lord used that to spark her heart into a life of obedience to Him. She gave her life to God and now found herself going through a divorce with an unsaved man. She did as the Bible told her. Obeyed and loved her husband as God calls us to do. Eventually divorce was no longer a threat. She shared her faith as much as was permitted. At one point her husband demanded that she didn’t even mention the Lord to him anymore. She obeyed. She loved her husband as the Lord commanded for 13 years, subjecting herself to an unsaved husband when one fateful day the Lord decided it was time and set about a series of events that led her husband to the Lord. I met this couple at a marriage enrichment class that my husband and I attended at our church. They were the teachers! They got along beautifully and you could visibly see there was much love and admiration between them. Don’t give up. The Lord can and will use your obedience to accomplish great things in your family.

      • Charmaine says

        Tiffany & Paige

        Thank you so much for sharing your testimonies both of them have touched my heart & strengthened me as well. I to am in the midst of fighting for my marriage & although a lot has happened I questioned God if he could RESTORE my marriage. I continue to tell myself that GOD HONORS MARRIAGE & and he is able to do more than I COULD EVER THINK OR ASK !!!!! Paige stay encouraged & I will keep you and husband in my prayers !!!! God Bless each of you !!!!!

  7. Amy says

    Thank you for this post. I have been struggling with my marriage and this open letter to husbands hits very close to home. My husband is not a spiritual leader in our home. He loves our family but does not lead our family in any way. He tells me to make all the decisions because he has to make decisions all day at work and wants to come home and not do anything. I am totally committed to my marriage but I just don’t feel much love towards him anymore. What I know and what I feel is often at odds. This post does convict me that I have gotten complacent in praying for my marriage. I have felt at a loss on how to approach him about my thoughts….he is not one to share his heart but maybe this letter could be a start to something new for us.

  8. Kristie says

    Thank you. I’ve wanted to say things like this, but was afraid I’d one across mean or condemning. This is beautiful and perfect for those of us who can’t find the right words.

  9. Tonia says

    Awesome post. Thank you for the much needed reminder to pray for my husband and his leadership of our family!

  10. Laurie F says

    This song is so beautiful and yet it always breaks my heart because my daughter and I are those characters in the video and we are hungry for love… I only can pray that my husband will start following Jesus…

  11. says

    Oh Courtney I LOVE this post. So sad I can’t see the video though ad it is not open to view here for some legal reasons. Sigh.

  12. Shaveh says

    Thank you so much for this link and word. My husband and I are navigating our marriage and the conversations always lead to a moment like this. Praise God for his faithfulness and for the Holy Spirit, because there are so many doors and temptations out there and without him as our cornerstone, we would all be so lost and not enjoying His promises to us. Sanctus Real just got another download on iTunes – Keep doing what you’re doing Courtney – it’s building the body and strengthening many lives out there.

  13. J says

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Courtney, for posting this. You spoke to just what my heart feels on the subject of my husband leading. It’s good to know we wives are not alone. And what a beautiful song, I’ve never heard it before but I’m headed to iTunes to purchase it right now! God bless you as you continue to speak His truth.

  14. Susan says

    Oh Lord… you open the waterfall with this post and song Courtney.
    Thank you for this post, opening my eyes and make me more eager to pray for my husband.
    God bless you !

  15. says

    Lead me…open your bible…and lead me. Lead me, for that is what God desires. Praying…lead me.

    Thank you for the beautiful, inspiring post. I hope that it reaches out and speaks to many!


  16. MandyP says

    So as I sit here with tears streaming down my face I thank you! I just forwarded this post to my husband. You put into words exactly how I feel. And I love this song ! It’s been one of my favorites for a while!

  17. Jo says

    This post and video touches me deeply. We have been married for over 40 years. For many of those years, my husband was a minister. Yet, I never see him open his Bible at home. Even sitting next to each other in church on Sunday, he leaves it up to me to find the scripture verses in the Bible. When our lives have been in crisis, I have never once had him say, “Let’s pray about this together.” Oh how my heart has yearned to hear those words. We have talked about this many times, had Christian marital counseling, but nothing works. Counselors give up on him because he says all the right things to them (and to me) but he refuses to act on his words. I have prayed about this for so many years that I think I had given up, too. Your video has encouraged me to begin praying again.

  18. Karen says

    Thank you for sharing this video. Of all the blogs out there I appreciate your the most. You are so real and have such a sweet heart for God and your family. This video brought tears to my eyes because it is my desire to have my husband lead our family spiritually. I have been married for 32 years and have raised 5 children ages 31 – 19 and am now raising 3 little ones ages 8,7 & 6 yrs. ( niece and nephews who we have custody of) Sometimes I feel so alone because a lot of the responsibilites falls to me. We do love each other very much but he is more passive. I pray the God will use this video to speak to many hearts and bring healing to marriages and families.

  19. Kellie says

    That is one of my all-time favorite songs! The words alone say so much even without the video. Thank you for sharing.

  20. Maura King says

    I just love reading your blogs! They are so uplifting and exactly what I need. I have been married for just under 4 years with a new baby. Since my baby came, my husband and I decided it would be best for me to be a stay at home mom, which I am loving. Getting your emails each week have been an amazing encouragement for me! Thank you for blogging!

  21. jim says

    courtney thank you for this. My wife just sent me this link and told me she was praying for me. That i would have strength to lead and she will try more to let me do so. I have been reading the comments. I ask that all wives pray for there husbands and i hope they understand that when a husband truely believes that he is trusted and supported by his wife it strengthens him beyond measure, but you can’t just say it, you have to truely believe in him. Your opinion matters so much to your husband but he has to feel that his opinion matters to you. We as husbands are afraid to death of failing the ones we love. Afraid of not being seen as strong and in control. tell him that even though he will falter, cause we all do, you still love just as much, maybe even more if that is possible. At the end of the day, money and material things mean nothing compared to the relationship you have with God and your family. just a mans thought…..

    • says

      I really appreciate you putting yourself out there. My husband has become so emotionally closed off that I often forget he does have feelings even when he hides them.
      Dannie B

    • Katie says

      Thank you for opening up and sharing that. I can hear my husbands voice through your words and I KNOW from past experience that he feels very much the same way. Thank you for the reminder :)

  22. Christine says

    Courtney, this is absolutely perfect timing for me to read this. I hadn’t heard the “Lead Me” song in a few months (it was my favorite when it first hit the air!) but I heard it yesterday, and it struck me how I need to pray for my husband so much more. Thank you for this reminder!

  23. Emily says

    I cannot thank you enough for this post. This week I have watched the marriages of two of my friends fall apart, one a Christian woman, one not. It has broken my heart but it has also reminded me of the importance of upholding my husband in prayer. I will be praying more for him beginning today! He has struggled with leadership in the past as he had lacked confidence, but I came to realise that I was contributing to his lack of confidence by undermining him and tearing him down. Since I began building him up instead of tearing him down, I have seen him transforming into a strong and confident man of God and leader of our family. God’s way really is the best way!

  24. Mary Cann says

    I once heard a wise man say…”There is only one thing your husband needs to be a leader…a follower.” We need to step back regardless…without a word and with a great trust and confidence in God …who alone grants repentance{2 Timothy 2:25-26}…praying for all of us to have no expectations except from God…true freedom and joy.

  25. Steve says

    Hello. Like the guy that Courtney mentioned in the email at the top of this post, I am a husband who reads the posts here from time to time (my wife hates it when I read over her shoulder though). Seeing the responses, it is clear that this is a topic that strikes quite a chord. I am curious if Courtney and anyone else here had any thoughts on the idea of a “Proverbs 31 Man”. The reason that I mention this is that I recently noticed a few videos on YouTube discussing how a guy can be a “Proverbs 31 Man”. I then went to Google and searched “Proverbs 31 Man” and found a couple of essays that I thought were interesting.

    Having brought this up, let me say that I think that this concept would be a little more clear and accurate if it was called “First Timothy Man”. That doesn’t sound quite as catchy as “Proverbs 31 Man” I guess… Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue or think that a “Proverbs 31 Man” (or “First Timothy Man” for that matter) concept would be helpful to the existing topic? God bless.

    • Man says

      Proverbs 31:23 AMP
      Proverbs 31:20-27 AMP
      [20] She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy whether in body, mind, or spirit. [21] She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet. [22] She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made. [23] Her husband is known in the city’s gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. [24] She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles or sashes that free one up for service. [25] Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it! [26] She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness giving counsel and instruction. [27] She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.
      [23] Her husband is known in the city’s gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.”

      In context:
      Proverbs 31:20-27 AMP
      “[20] She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy whether in body, mind, or spirit. [21] She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet. [22] She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made. [23] Her husband is known in the city’s gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. [24] She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles or sashes that free one up for service. [25] Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it! [26] She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness giving counsel and instruction. [27] She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.”

      I heard a couple really young women from a big church in LA mention it, stating, “Their future husband HAD BETTER BE “a man who is known in the city’s gates when he sits among the elders of the land” BEFORE THEY BECOME “Proverbs 31 women”. They were the leaders of a small group/home group.

      I think it could be twisted and defined to mean whatever a given woman chooses, but they usually mean someone who has a lot of worldly success AND JUST HAPPEN TO BE some type of “spiritual leader” in the church, which of course means men must somehow become the master achiever of two opposing and opposite worlds, BEFORE woman will notice him, care about who he is as a person, and theoretically try to become something halfway like the Proverbs 31 woman.

      Of course, the only reference I could find connected to that verse sent me to this one:
      Proverbs 12:4
      “A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.”

      I personally believe it is a verse young Christian women found and used to rationalize why they don’t want to become Proverbs 31 women, since they seem to make it conditional on the man to “lead”, or rather they think a man should “obey” God (by becoming some unspecific high-ranking/high-status job “for God” that also happens to make a lot of money for her/the family) BEFORE they become willing to obey God themselves for all the things that are written to women in specifics.

      The bible never says that men need to obey or do their part first before women are expected to obey the bible themselves. That’s not “waiting on men to lead”, that’s just being disrespectful to men and self-righteous and disobedient to God.

      • K.Martin says

        @ Man
        There’s a lot that the body of Christ can and should learn from the description of the Pr 31 woman.

        With that being said, the husband described in Pr 31: 23 was a man like Job. Job was known in the gates and sat among the elders of the land (Jo 29:7). Job assisted the poor and orphans. He helped those without hope. Everything he did was honest. He served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. He was a father to the poor. He broke the jaws of godless oppressors. People listened to his advice. Those were some of the responsibilities for elders in the OT. Unfortunately, Job’s wife was not a virtuous woman, yet that had no bearing on Job’s actions because he was a man of wisdom and faith.

        Both men and women should do their “part” regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t do.

    • K.Martin says

      @ Steve

      Older translations of the Bible use the words HE or MAN in these verses which is more reflective of the original Hebrew. Unfortunately, many of the modern translations may use the word PERSON in these verses, thus losing some valuable context.

      Man of Noble Character found scattered throughout Proverbs

      A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of
      understanding will acquire wise counsel. Pr 1:5
      Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Pr 9:8
      Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a
      righteous man and he will increase his learning. Pr 9:9
      …a man of understanding holds his peace. Pr 11:12
      The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be
      watered. Pr 11:25
      A good man will obtain favor from the LORD. Pr 12:2
      A wise man is he who listens to counsel. Pr 12:15
      A prudent man overlooks an insult. Pr 12:16
      A righteous man hates falsehood… Pr 13:5
      Every prudent man acts with knowledge. Pr 13:16
      He who walks with wise men will be wise. Pr 13:20
      A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children. Pr 13:22
      The sensible man considers his steps. Pr 14:15
      A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil. Pr 14:16
      He who is slow to anger has great understanding. Pr 14:29
      A man of understanding walks straight. Pr 15:21
      …he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Pr 17:27.
      What is desirable in a man is his kindness. Pr 19:22
      House and riches are the inheritance of fathers Pr 19:14
      A righteous man who walks in his integrity– How blessed are his sons
      after him. Pr 20:7
      A wise man scales the city of the mighty And brings down the
      stronghold in which they trust. Pr 21:22
      A prudent man sees danger, and hides himself… Pr 22:3, 27:12
      A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. Pr 24:5
      For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked
      stumble in time of calamity. Pr 24:16
      A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who makes haste to
      be rich will not go unpunished. Pr 28:20
      A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back. Pr 29:11
      … is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Pr 31:23

      Of course, those verses are for women too. Likewise, many of the attributes used to describe the Pr 31 woman apply to men too.

  26. Kathy says

    Thank you so much, Courtney, for your words of wisdom. I have been following your blog now for almost a year and have been so encouraged, challenged and blessed. I just want to say to the ladies who are struggling, don’t give up….don’t ever give up. My husband and I have been married 25 years. He started out a preacher, became addicted to work and porn, and lived in his own little world. For 15 years we lived two separate lives. I didn’t see any hope for our marriage. I thought I was destined to just exist within our marriage, with no real love or intimacy expressed between us. But oh, God was always there and so faithful. In His time, my husbands secret life was exposed and God miraculously changed our marriage. He is a completely different person and is a wonderful, devoted father to our 5 children, a leader in our home and he also is once again my pastor. God is good, and I now can see that His perfect timing was necessary in restoring our marriage completely and to the fullest. So keep praying, stay faithful, and please don’t ever give up. God is using this in your life to change you, to change him, and in His time He will answer your prayers.

  27. says

    Such a beautiful video. My husband is an over the shoulder reader too :) Blessings to all the husbands. Tara (The Proverbs 31 Sanctuary)

  28. says

    I love this post. Your blog has really touched my heart so deeply. My husband and I love each other so much but have been struggling lately with our roles. I stay home with our 3 young boys while he works a full time job plus part time as a pilot in the Army National Guard. He is always gone and stressed about work and trying to support us. I can not help but become depressed when I do not get to spend time with him. I become overwhelming with three still very needy little ones, a messy home, piles of laundry, cooking, etc. I struggle with ways to help my husband cope to the stresses of being away from us so much and providing for us. So this post hits me so deeply. I am so thankful that I found your blog.

  29. Lisa says

    This post is such a blessing to me. My husband and I have been together since high school and I love him deeply but he is not a spiritual leader in our home. He is a great man, a good man with morals and is a christian, but doesn’t actively have a personal relationship with God. I would love for him to pray with me, read the bible, talk about God with our children. I am by no means perfect on my journey with Jesus and he has come a long way. I know that God is still working on him (as He is working on me) and for right now I will continue to pray for him and our marriage. but that letter says it all perfectly…

  30. Donna says

    This was a very powerful & truthful prayer. Its as though it was written for me. I have been with my husband for over 6 sixs however just married in November of 2012. We both had issues as we have been married twice before, but we knew, we just knew we were really meant to be together. I am thankful our Lord brought this man to me, he is a good man and every aspect of the meaning. He has faith in our Lord however I pray for him to grab it hold it and own it for our family. I as his wife pray and am looking for the church family that is a good fit for us. This page and prayers is an inspiration for wifes daily, thank you

  31. Laura says

    This: “Are you longing for your husband to lead? There is something you can do –PRAY…and when he steps up and leads…step back and let him.”really resonated with me, although for me I need to add that when he steps up and leads, I need to step up and back him. There are times when I think a different course of action/decision needs to be made but if he decides otherwise, then I need to listen and follow whole heartedly- and not complain, hold a grudge, say I told you so, etc.

  32. Man says

    I want to encourage the women here with troubled marriages that they should learn more about what speaks RESPECT and DISRESPECT to a man’s heart and soul.

    Often, when women sense their man is distant, or not sharing emotionally with them, those women try flooding their men with more love, as if he were a woman, and that he thinks and acts and responds to love the way that you do. But he’s not a woman; he’s a man, and while he does need love, what he will respond to is both the lack of disrespect, and a flooding of respect.

    You can’t draw him to you by treating him like a woman or a little boy. Treat him like a man.
    (And teach your daughters, daughters-in-law, and all other woman the same)

  33. S says

    What is a wife and mama of many supposed to do when your husband and your children’s daddy says he doesn’t want to lead/disciple his family?

  34. Trista C. says

    I can’t tell you how much I pray that someday I can share this with my husband. You see it was just 4 years and 2 months ago my husband announced to me that he had renounced his faith and was an atheist. A day I remember very clearly because the next day we had our eldest daughter.

    The pain of that day and the many days to come I will never forget. It still brings me to tears when I hear the song you posted above or see a husband step out in faith to be baptized at church. I pray daily for his heart, and my 4 year old daughter said to me two weeks ago, “mommy will we see daddy in heaven?” This came just a week after she herself accepted Jesus in her heart with me by her side. I then had to explain and ask her how we get to heaven. As she told me by having Jesus in our heart, I then asked her if Daddy had Jesus in his heart. When she answered “No” she had a very big sad face and water welled in her young eyes. I have dreaded this day since she was born and I had to hold back my own tears. I still cried but didn’t loose my composure entirely. I explained that we have the important task of showing daddy who God really is, and we have to pray for him everyday. A tear streamed down her cheek sand she said “ok mommy.”

    The pain of this reality is so difficult but I still find small glimpses of God’s work in his heart. A little over a week ago I woke up to a clean house and my new desk set up with my bible a journal set out. My bible was open to Proverbs 3 with a sticky note placed below vs 15. With an arrow and a heart.

    This brought me to tears and I was in shock. I pray some day this pain will be a thing of the past and my husband will once again join me in my walk of faith. But until then I will continue to pray, and follow his lead as best as I can. Being the truth and light for he and our children as much as I can.

    I pray one day his heart will be in a place I can share your post with him. Thank you for your encouraging words.

  35. anonymous says

    Encouragement to wives with unfaithful husbands…

    My husband and I married young. With stars in our eyes we loved life together. We moved far from family and had 3 kids. Right after the birth of our 3rd child, around year 5 of marriage, my husband told me his eyes weren’t only for me. He had emotional affairs to women, including my best friend. He was also into porn.

    Here I am, age 22, with a 4 yr old, 2 yr old, and newborn. 1100 miles from any family. I just bawled…for days. I was so angry and hurt. I felt like 5 years of marriage had been a lie. I felt abandoned.

    But GOD…He had other plans. Plans to take a very broken and fragile heart, filled with postpartum blues, and work on me. I was even angry at God. I thought, I have done everything right how could this happen to me? I quite reading my Bible. I turned into a very angry mom and actually started cussing for the very first time in my life.

    I read “Hinds Feet on High Places” given to me by a friend. I felt drawn into the story and it helped ease the pain a little bit. A year later, filled with lots of struggle and pain, I read Beth Moore’s book, “So Long Insecurity”. It changed my perspective of myself. I realized my husband’s choices, although they effect me, are not directly against me. They are against himself and God. It takes a lot of humility to realize you can still love. God spoke Hosea’s story to me. I came to grips that even if my husband stopped loving me and went after someone else, God would be there to carry me, I would never be truly abandoned.

    I also realized that you have to give up expectations and love people where they are, not wanting them to be different.

    So, I became interested in my husband’s hobbies. I showed love when I didn’t feel it. I woke, with God’s prompting, and hopped in the shower with my husband, occasionally, to set his day right. I didn’t feel like it…I needed the sleep, with 3 small kids. But GOD…He does amazing things when we listen to Him and when we selflessly love.

    I wish I could say my story has a very happy ending (maybe it still will). I’ve been married over 11 years now. I’m glad I stuck with it. My husband made a covenant with the Lord and his eyes, just like Job did. I gave up control over making sure he wasn’t looking at anything bad. I have prayed from time to time that if my husband is doing something he shouldnt that God would slap him upside the head. I also pray, way more often, that my husband would be in love with Jesus and have strength to fight temptation. I rarely ask how he is doing in that area, because it’s painful, but mostly because I trust God to take care of it. My husband is a good man.

    Currently, I’m still waiting, but not demanding, that family dinners will be established. My husband hates sitting as a family to eat. I’d love to see him read the Bible or do devotions with our kids, now 10, 8, and 6. But…it doesn’t happen.

    I do appreciate the hard work my husband does at work. I appreciate the way he loves our family and has a joy in him that is often unseen in people today. He talks to our kids about life lessons and God, even if it’s every once in awhile. It’s authentic and I love that. He accepts my moodiness and quirks and extremely rarely gets upset with me.

    God is an amazing healer. About 2 years after I found out all the hurtful things my hustand said he had done, I started reading my Bible and giving God full surrender. I started to trust Him more and rebuild the relationships with my kids that I had broken…and here we are, 4 years of repair, homeschooling, and living one day at a time. God is amazing. I can’t say that enough.

  36. Jeannette says

    I needed to see this today. I have been struggling with my marriage and some issues that he has had that I have had to struggle with. I really needed to see this and realize that my husband is the leader of the home and I need to step back and let him lead. I need to remember to pray for him daily!!! Thank you so much for posting this today! You will never know how much I needed this. Thank you again!

  37. Ernie says

    Thank you for this post. I have been married for 34 years and have made so many mistakes. But you post helped me find peace with some unanswered questions that I have. God Bless.

  38. Kayla Stipes says

    I am so beyond thankful that I have found you on here and now on IG. My husband and I have been married for three years and we’ve been extremely blessed with a beautiful little girl. Logan and I have been married for only three years, but have gone through a lot in those three short years. He has relied on emotional support from two different women, both married women. It all started with snapchat and then phone calls and texting. This past time just happened over the weekend and the woman’s husband called me at 2 in the morning while I was at work. I was brought up in a Christian home and to this day continue my walk with Christ. My husband was not raised in a Christ-Centered home and does not go to church with my daughter and I. He’s lost, very lost. The devil has ahold of him so badly right now. I am staying with my husband and even though my heart is broken. I know God can fix me, my husband and my marriage. My husband has recently gone to my dad and asked for help. He told my father that he was ready to be a Christian man and be the man that I need him to be. My husband is on the road a lot (pipeliner) I now have to make the decision to quit my job and be with my husband on the road. I know God has a plan and I just need to trust Him. Courtney, you have helped me more than you will ever know this week. Thank you so much.

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