Pure Hope {In Opposite World}

Pursuing Purity in Opposite World

Tim Tebow took the news media by storm when he shared that he was saving himself for marriage.  Opposite World simply hates his desire to be pure.  Anyone who believes in abstinence before marriage is painted as looney.

Opposite World tells our teens to be free –just be safe.  Use protection.  Use birth control. Anything and everything goes – boys with boys, girls with girls.  And definitely do not end up 23 and a virgin.  That’s worthy of being laughed at and even questioned –is something wrong with you?  Try out all your partners and be sure you are compatible.  Live together first.  Do not marry young –you can’t possibly know at 23 what you want in a spouse.  So have fun, live it up, try a few partners and don’t be a prude.

Oy!  Where do I start?

Let’s start with Jesus.

The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” ~ John 1:14

When Jesus came –he came full of grace and truth.

Grace – sweet grace.  I NEED God’s grace.

Truth – sweet truth.  I NEED God’s truth.

And so as I wade into the mirky waters of purity, I cling to both equally.  Jesus was full of grace AND truth.

Opposite World has been sending us messages for decades about how useless purity is.  And my testimony includes saving myself for marriage.  My husband has been my one and only and I am his one and only.

 Keith and I in Colorado

I did not play hard to get.

I was hard to get.

Where did these standards come from?  My parents. My youth pastor. Purity talks. Purity Books. And God’s word.

I Thessalonians 4:3-8 says:

3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own bodyin a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

As a teen, I read the Bible daily.  I believed it and I obeyed it.  My committment to Christ was and still is a priority over my passions and desires.

Thank goodness Keith and I started out slow because little did I know at the age of 17, we would date for four long years before marrying and passions would burn inside of us as we battled with temptatation.

God created s*x as a pure expression of love between a man and his wife and Opposite World… has twisted and perverted it. {I apologize for the astericks –these are here to avoid being blocked by Christian based web filters}

 John Piper writes:

“The world should not have its nose or its cameras in our bedroom.

S*x is not a spectator sport – in spite of the billion-dollar industry designed to make it one…it has an audience of three: husband, wife and God, who sees all.” (This Momentary Marriage pg. 128)

Opposite World has degraded the marriage bed.

Purity is mocked and immorality glorified. The singers and actors applauded with Oscars, Emmys and other awards, flaunt their s*xuality and Opposite World idolizes it!

But God says ” Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the s*xually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

Opposite World’s lie –is the lie of the Garden of Eden,

“did God really say that?”

Some question –does God really say a man should not lie with a man? (yes, he does in Romans 1 & I Corinthians 6:9-11)  Does God really say we should wait for marriage? (yes, he does in I Corinthians 6:18 & I Thess. 4:3-8)  Does God really expect me to stay with one person for the rest of my life? (yes, he does in Hebrews 13:4, Mark 10:8,9, I Corinthians 7:5, & Proverbs 5;19)

And sadly, sometimes, I see the enemy’s whispers persuading even those within the church to look just.like.Opposite.World.

This ought not to be so!

We must be in God’s word.  We must know God’s word. We must obey God’s word. We must teach our sons and daughters God’s word…or the enemy will whisper the Garden of Eden doubts and get a foothold in our lives.

This is not about our past–but about our future.  Some of us may have stumbled and fallen and there is GRACE!   There is no sin too great that Jesus’ blood cannot cover.  In John 8:11 Jesus tells the woman caught in s*xual sin “go and sin no more.” And he tells those who were about to stone her –”let he who is perfect cast the first stone”.

None of us are perfect.  The cross says we are all flawed and in need of a Savior.  None of us can cast stones and now that we are equipped with God’s truth –  all of us must go and sin no more.

The church needs a revival of Pure Hope.

**Chime In: I know this is a senstive topic – I don’t expect you to hang it all out there in the comments – but if you would like to share your story of Pure Hope - or your thoughts on this topic –we’d love to read it.

Walk with the King,

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Michelle says:

    As many have said before..I wish I would have waited until I was married. I was not a faithful servant of Christ before, so I followed “Opposite World”. But I know by the grace of God that I am forgiven by both the Lord and my husband. <3

  2. So beautifully written Courtney. I think some women struggle with their past with instances where they haven’t been pure even if it was with their husband. They carry it around as if they are still not worthy. One of the things I always remind them is that God listed that sin right in the middle of all the other sins in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10…We have all fallen short and are all redeemable. Thanks for sharing you writings.

  3. I wasn’t a faithful servant of Christ before I had my son. He was 6 years old before I truly gave my heart to the Lord. Do I wish that my husband was my son’s biological father? Yes. I’m grateful that I was given my son, even in the midst of being caught up in a sinful life. Having Austin in my life, made me rethink of WHO Jesus was, rather than all of the wishy-washy stuff the world & even in the case of the church I’d attended as a teenager had presented to me. I started reading my Bible and asking questions and soon rededicated my life to my Savior who before was presented to me as a symbol or an ideal, not a relationship with the one true God who became flesh so that I (& the rest of the world) wouldn’t be lost to Him), & therefor I hadn’t had a clue who He really was before. When my husband & I got married, my son was 9. My husband, Jesse, & I didn’t even kiss until the minister at our wedding said, “You may now kiss your bride!” I who had thought of myself unworthy while caught up in a sinful life, had been redeemed by my Savior and He brought to me my husband who put God first also ~ I wish that I’d known sooner what I know now (or even as much as I knew back then when we were married), but I’m grateful that by God’s grace, I now have a life that has truly been redeemed by Christ!

  4. Beautiful post, Courtney. I especially appreciate the richness of Scripture, too, because we can and should go to God’s Word for everything. This is a touchy topic, even in the church. Sadly, the world is spoon-feeding our youth and even people in the church ideas of instant, consequence free pleasure, when in reality it’s a lie. At 21 I found myself unmarried and pregnant. In my mind getting married was the right thing to do, so we did. But the marriage ended less than a year later because of abuse and a lot of dishonesty. I eventually found my way, and have been blessed to marry my forever husband (borrowing that term from Amy’s post) 12 years ago. The road hasn’t been easy or perfect, but God’s way is consequence free because His plan is perfect and filled with blessings I could never have imagined.
    Though I didn’t take the steps God laid out for me, as Romans 8:28 promises, things have worked out for good. Today I use my story to minister to teen girls and their moms and empower and equip them to choose God’s best for their lives. Thank you for sharing your heart on this very important topic.

  5. My husband & I also waited 4 yrs 3 months to get married (we had college degrees to attain!) and God kept us. The gift we can give our children is the example of having lived the trial and maintained purity. (The example is ongoing as well, though.) Thank you for a powerful and challenging article. It flies in the face of Opposite World and I just want to tell you…this series you are doing is anointed. May God keep you close to His heart to hear His voice because it is the only one telling the truth.

  6. This is so good! My husband and I were 18 and 19 when we got married. We were both virgins and waited until our wedding night. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes, yes, yes! We have been so blessed in our marriage, and while it’s not perfect I truly believe God has blessed us for the choices we made. God’s plan is perfect and He never promised it would be easy but He does promise it’s worth it. I pray for young people now that they would hold onto their purity and not let the world bring them down. It is a beautiful gift from God and knowing you have used His gift as He intended is such am accomplishment, especially in this day and age.

  7. Jennifer says:

    Very well written Courtney! 9 years ago my husband and I married. I was 27 and he, 29. Both of us were each others firsts and onlys. We have an amazing s*x life!! We hit bumps along the road, but from them we grow stronger together. We have something unique and precious that, unfortunately, most people nowadays will never experience. There is confidence and security in our sexual relationship! God knows what is best. When we give that up, we miss out! Thank you for your “Opposite World” series. I’ve enjoyed each post immensely!

  8. Jennifer says:

    PS. And we waited until our wedding night! We had only known each other for 8 months. After you’ve waited as long as we had, we weren’t going to wait any longer! ;)

  9. Stefanie Montijo says:

    Hi Courtney, this is a beautiful post. I thank God you are courageous and write truth online. I would like to say that I was raised by strict parents and was sheltered even though they were not Christians. They were old fashioned Mexicans. I met my husband when I was 17, he was raised Christian but not really practicing his beliefs. We sinned before marriage but for me he was my first. And has been my only one. I was not for him. My husband has always said that when a person has had other partners in the past before a marriage it is really hard to forget. That is really true. We have experienced that. I had no issues when we got married but he did because of the past partners. That is why it is so important to wait until marriage, so that people avoid any issues with over coming memories of past partners which would create problems in the marital bedroom!! If any one is or has gone through the consequences of past partners The Lord can cleanse you mind and memories if we only ask with all our heart. Thank God for grace. I also agree on that churches need to not shy away from teaching purity. How blessed is a couple who on their wedding night are both pure and waited for one another.

  10. Rebecca says:

    What you said about marrying young struck home with me. There were those who thought it was a bad idea when I got married at 18. But it was the best thing I ever did, besides being baptized to wash my sins away.
    Not only was i a virgin when I married him, he is the only person I ever even kissed. I didn’t have to try multiple partners and experiences to know what I wanted, and didn’t want. After nearly 8 years of marriage,we are more in love and attracted to each other than ever, and have a wonderful, God given relationship. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. God’s plan is always best.

  11. This post has such truth! Me and my husband waited until marriage and will be forever grateful that we did! Yes, it was HARD! But it was so worth it. We both feel joy every time we share ourselves intimately with each other (whih is often!) because we waited… We waited so we could share love not lust. So we could share the experience with God because His presence could be there. We have increased love and respect for each other because of the choices we made, and honestly, that makes intimacy the best experience imaginable!

    “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

    Thanks for helping encourage virtue and purity in an ever-increasingly dark world. I’ve heard the world’s works referred to as a “tsunami of filth.” Thank goodness for righteous men and women who continue to stay clean and pure in spite of it! May God bless you for your efforts!

  12. Alteenay says:

    God bless you for sharing this. I had entered a covenant with God to wait till marriage but that was not to be. On my wedding night I had a hole in my heart because I knew that wasn’t how I wanted it to be. Although he was my first but not the only and even thoigh I came back to marry him, I was unhappy with what had gone down before. I have had a burden in my heart since then to reach unmarried girls in the school I teach to help them keep themselves pure till marriage. It is worth it. I wish I did but I can help others do that so I’m asking God to use me reach young people to the glory of His name.

  13. This post has great timing since it completely relates to a dinner conversation we had with friends last weekend. My husband and I didn’t surrender to Christ until after we were married and our son was born. We are both divorced and he has 2 sons from his first marriage.
    We pray we will be able to raise all the boys on the path of purity, and were expressing the challenges of doing that in today’s world (and because we didn’t save ourselves either). We are blessed with examples of many couples in our community who did keep themselves pure, and we know what an incredible base it is for a relationship with each other and the Lord. The dinner table mostly sounded like what you mentioned above, have to try people out etc (I gave that advice once myself many years ago before I knew Christ!). Thank you so much for this, I’m making note of the Bible verses to help coach our kids too.
    Can you advise on some good Devotional / Bibles etc for 6, 11, and 15 year old boys?

  14. Jessica Osbourne says:

    My husband and I have been married for nearly eight years and we were both virgins on our wedding night. I believe we have experienced God’s blessings directly related to our choice to remain pure until we were man and wife. However, many of our friends and family mocked our choice; they thought it was stupid of us to live apart and pay separate rent when we could easily move in together and save the money for our future. Without one special adult in my life who encouraged my walk with the Lord and held me accountable, I might have fallen. So, my contribution to this discussion about purity is that you never know what impact you might be having on the young people in your life. Even if you think it falls on deaf ears, seeds are being planted that God can make grow! Take the time to speak with the young people in your life about this very important topic. I’m so glad someone did that for me!

  15. I myself am like a couple of women who have posted with sinful pasts and a son born out of marriage. I also am currently living with someone for nine years now and am hoping that God will lay upon his heart to ask him to finally marry me so we can be right in God’s eyes. So I ask for prayers from anyone who will as I take a little trip next week with my only son to spend some quiet, quality time together to work the Passport2Purity program in hopes that my son will take a different path! Please pray for me to find the words and wisdom to explain how he should do as God says and not as I did!! :) Love all your posts and keep them coming! <3

  16. I wrote about this very topic today also! I think it is so important because so many “Christian” couples are living together now before marriage. It is very say. We live in such a highly oversexed society that the temptation is greater now than ever before. We must arm our children with the truth. So far, my 2 married children were virgins and my unmarried are still virgins. Praise the Lord!!!

    • Hi Lori,

      I completely agree! I have three sons to raise; ages 11, 8, 3. Any specific advice you can give on how to raise your kids? Sounds like you did something right! :)

      I’m wondering when would be the ‘right’ time to have ‘the talk’ with my son.

      Thanks!

  17. I so needed to read this today, mostly because I have several friends who call themselves Christians but believe in homosexuality, and my strict opposition to the entire gay rights things makes them constantly point to me as a hater as they are always telling me God loves everyone. I know that and I do not dispute that but God still calls same sex relationships sinful and they twist his word and my continues support of his word has made them not want to be in my company because they are more liberal in their Biblical view. I know that is contradictory but it is a movement that has taken over so when I read articles like this it encourages me in my christian worldview. Thank you.

  18. I was a believer but definitely not walking in God’s path before and when I met my husband. We lived together and had a {unplanned} son before we were married. I became a true Christian when I was pregnant with our second child. I am so blessed that during my years of promiscuity that God protected me from myself and my poor decisions. I do not regret the choices I made because nobody ever told me that what I was doing was wrong (I was living in Opposite World). I look back now and know that it was wrong, I have confessed at length to God. I thank Jesus that he died for my poor choices. But I do want something different for my children. And I continue to ask God for help and to give me wisdom on how to teach them to be like God wants them to be. Great post!

  19. I hope your story is a glimpse of what my own children might experience! If not, then I pray the end of their story at least resembles mine. :) It’s a privilege to blog on this topic with your ladies today. I am loving everyone’s insight and perspective. Marian

  20. Love this! I shared with our youth :)

  21. I have been married 15 years (next month) to my one and only and me for him . I love my husband more today than I did the day I married him. I was so “green” when we got married but oh how I’ve enjoyed learning with my husband. :)
    This Opposite World is destroying our youth and I pray that Gid will help me to teach my 5 children the absolute joy of purity before marriage!!
    Thank you for a wonderful blog post!!!!

  22. Courtney-Could you please list the purity books you sourced in your article? My daughter is 11 and I would love to read through some of these before giving her them. Thanks!

    • My most memorable read in high school was Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. In college I read a lot of books by Elizabeth George. Both authors had a huge part in the shaping of my walk with God.
      :)
      Courtney

  23. This was good I re-shared this in my site!

    Thank you!

  24. I’m 26 and saving myself for marriage. The most annoying thing for me right now is that I use birth control to help regulate my periods which means I have to go to the lady doctor each year. I found one who understands but he is retiring. I tried one another doctor first and she thought I had been sexually abused because of how uncomfortable I felt. It’s like no one can fathom like I can actually be a virgin at my age. It’s hard to be questioned about it without being made to feel bad or awkward.

    • Hi Emily, just wanted to encourage you and say that saving yourself for marriage is a Godly, worthwhile act to do and God honors those who follow His ways. As a newly married woman, my husband and I waited 3 years long-distance before we got married and we are truly blessed to have waited for each other. Don’t take to heart what the doctors say or the awkwardness, it’s what God says that matters and you’re doing the right thing in waiting for the *second* love of your life. Take care and God bless.

    • Emily, I am a childbirth educator, I counsel all ages of women, on care. I encourage you to finda midwife, to go to. They have a completely different view on womens healthcare, and are far more gentle and loving then most doctors. If you would like help, please email me, I will help you find a very gentle person to help you. Hang in there, this can be done. I am here if you need me. lgstlaurent@yahoo.com

  25. Courtney,
    I am SO glad you shared this! We have 3 boys, and over the weekend I went to Walmart with my 11 yr. old. We walked by the poster section where I saw 4 teenage boys gawking over what I guessed to be a poster-size version of one of the photos from the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. THANKFULLY my son did not see it, but my heart was grieved for them & boys in general! The world gives us no help at all when it comes to modesty & teaching our boys to value women and trying to keep them pure mentally, let alone physically. It’s so very important that we teach our children the importance of purity & speaking as a mom of boys, it kinda gave me a kick in the seat to regularly pray for them to be kept from the clutches of porn and their purity. My 12 yr. old just told me this morning that, as much as he loves 5 Guys burgers & fries, he thinks it’s pathetic that you can’t even go in there w/o seeing a picture on the wall of a girl in a men’s sportcoat & undies. We even have a four year old girl down the street who comes over to jump on our trampoline sometimes & she thinks it’s hilarious to flash whoever’s on there w/ her (and sometimes she doesn’t have undies on!), and her mom thinks it’s funny. Sigh…. the battle continues… Thank you for your timely words, Courtney!

  26. Thank you so much for this post. My husband isn’t my one and only but I am his and we waited until marriage. I was only 22 when we married and we only knew each other for about a year. I hardly knew him when we married but we knew it would work. We have been happily married for 10 years now. I am so glad that we had the courtship we did and when I tell other people that we shared our first kiss the day before our wedding they can’t believe it. It was the right decision for us. I wonder often how I can impress on my children how wonderful a pure courtship is. How it sets you up for success in marriage and pleases God. God will bless decisions in purity. I just hope that I can break through the world’s teaching on these things with my kids.

  27. Courtney,

    I 100% agree with what you said in this post!

    The world would be SUCH a better place if all men and women waited until after marriage to be intimate.

    There is a saying we have in our church: “There is Power in Purity”. This is SO true.

    Thanks again for your blogs. I love reading them!

  28. Yohani M. Ham says:

    My name is Yohani, I am a 38 years single mother of three. Before I came to Christ on June 26, 2006 I knew that infelidity was not a think I would like to be part of, however it followed me. For many years I believed it was my fault byt then on Christlifted me and I realized that no matter what I did I could not find happiness because it was not most likely God’s will. About a year or two ago ago I decided to wait on God. However; before then my two older girls 18 and 17 wear a purity ring my thirteen year old doesn’t yet but she understand the concept of it and and how we are all knitted into Christ from beginning to end. Today I too wear one, because after two failed marriages I realize, I want God’s timing and will to complete me and consume me in every way. I may not be brand new per say, but I am starting new in Christ so when he send me my true love… we it will be a brand new start.

  29. So tenderly but truthfully put, Courtney. I am glad you’re tackling this topic. As you know, with my heart for the next generation, I think this message needs to be communicated again and again!

  30. Thank you so much for this post. We actually left a church in large part because they did not believe God still holds purity as a value. It is so good to hear (see) truth being spoken (written)! Thank you!

  31. Andrea Ray says:

    I love this post!! I think purity is something that has been pressing on my heart a lot in the last few years of my 9 year old daughters life. My daughter was recently on the Steve Harvey show as a Harvey’s Hero & while we were shopping for a dress, I was so sad at the choices of appropriate clothing for young girl. It made me think, how do we teach our daughters & sons to be pure in mind & body when we are not teaching them to dress modestly? When we allow our daughters to be so boy crazy at the age of 9, they will more than likely give their hearts and bodies away at a young age as well. I realized the importance of this too late. I had a baby at the age of 19. I searched for love in the wrong places when I should have been focusing on God’s love in my life. But you are so right… it’s never too late! As a mother of 4, I have realized how important modesty & purity are in my life so that I may pass on the same morals & values to my children. It’s a struggle in today’s opposite world. My daughters innocence makes her “uncool” in the eyes of her peers. Her modest dress, especially our no bikini rule, her TV show & internet restrictions and our no-boyfriend/dating/crushes rule are usually a source of jokes even among family members. My sons seem “immature” to others because they would rather watch Veggie Tales than other “mature” cartoons on TV. How do other families out there deal with this???

    • I’m not a parent but my parents raised me and all of my siblings the way you are talking about. We dress modestly, there were certain things we weren’t allowed to watch, and there was no dating allowed until we were old enough that we felt God wanted us to start looking toward marriage. We got and still get teased about these choices and how we live and sometimes it’s uncomfortable but my parents felt like this was how God was telling them to raise their children, so that’s how they’ve done it. The teasing doesn’t bother me because I feel like as long as I’m living how God wants me to, no other opinion matters.

  32. Andrea Ray says:

    Also… if anyone is interested, check out Dannah Gresh. She has books called “And the Bride Wore White” “Keeping the Little In Your Girl” “Keeping the Good In Your Boy” “Pursuing the Pearl” “Secret Keeper” and more. If you look her up on YouTube, she speaks a lot on purity & modesty, especially for our young girls.

    • Dannah has a great book/study for young girls/women called “Get Lost”. It’s all about getting lost in God instead of guys. My friend and I just started it and it’s really great. I would definitely recommend it.

      • I’ve read “And the Bride Wore White,” and it is a great book. Thanks, Faith, for recommending “Get Lost!” I just downloaded it. Purity is so important, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

  33. You’ve such a wonderful way of expressing your heart and your convictions! I’m always blessed by your straightforward approach and your use of Scripture. Love it!!

  34. Thank you so much, Courtney, for this post! I love that you’ve tackled such a sensitive topic! I’m 20, single, and saving myself for marriage. I know a lot of people consider this to be ‘uncool’ or ‘old-fashioned’ but I don’t care. It states clearly in the Bible that this is what I am to do, so I’m following that. I think that purity should go both ways, for guys and girls. I know so many people who think that guys are so cool if they sleep around and take advantage of girls but if it was a girl doing the same thing, she would be labeled with all kinds of names. This opposite world that we’re living in is so crazy and it breaks my heart that what the Bible so clearly states, this world has twisted and turned into something totally different or else just ignored it all together! Thanks for putting this post out there to try to change that! :)

  35. Jennifer says:

    Thank you Courtney for being so bold in your faith to blog such amazing truths. I am so glad I discovered your blog. I have been following for about a year now.

    I think that we can all agree that when a relationship ends, it usually isn’t a good feeling. So it’s shameful that the world would actually encourage people to put themselves in situations that will lead them down a path to hurt and brokenness. I would have given anything to change my past; to not carry the weight of the decisions I made. I wish I wouldn’t have given a little piece of my heart to more than one. I am not one of those people who believe that I am stronger because of my past. I am only strong because of Jesus, because without him I am rubbish. Yes I have been saved, and by His grace, redeemed. I am thankful that I have the Lord’s forgiveness and have been made new. I am grateful that I have my marriage is blessed by God and that we have two beautiful daughters. I now pray fervently that the vicious lies that the enemy of our faith chooses to corrode the world with do not influence my girls the way they influenced my husband and myself.

  36. Katie D. says:

    I can honestly say I have no excuse as to why I didn’t save myself for marriage. I was raised in Christian home, so I knew that premarital sex was not Godly. I ended up living worldly, yet still claimed to be a Christian. I met my husband, and we were intimate, but we had a deep discussion about how we both knew it was wrong, so shortly after we were engaged, we stopped being intimate. Being that we had “known” each other, it was very hard to keep hands off! But I am glad to say that we made it through to the wedding night! Well, sort of, my period started that day…

    Thanks for your post!

  37. Thank you for your kind encouragement about keeping sexually pure in Opposite World, Courtney. It’s tough to keep on living our the Word in spite of what society seems to expect, but your posts both on here and Facebook are so encouraging! I’m very glad that my husband and I decided to wait until marriage to be with each other, and even after 3 years of long-distance, we persevered. Although neither of us are without blemish in our pasts, it’s truly a blessing to live Jesus’ way in this area of our lives. I encourage anyone who is finding it tough to keep pure by God’s definition to keep going, as it’s SO worth it, and it glorifies Him! Take care.

  38. Natalie says:

    I was raised in a Christian home and was told always “no s*x before marriage” but never any reasons WHY. As a mum to a boy and a girl I intend to raise them with this but to reinforce it using scripture and my own testimony which included pre-marital sex, rape and other hard issues. We need to tell our children that God says this because he loves us and wants to protect us, not to ruin our fun. That when our bodies entwine with another a part of our soul is left with them and we are broken and tattered. It’s taken me years to fully heal and I am truly blessed by having a husband who has been kind and patient with me … we have been married over 10 years now and the good times are just beginning!

  39. Lisa Raymond says:

    This was beautifully written, Courtney. When you wrote “I did not play hard to get. I was hard to get.” that really spoke to me. At the age of 14, a friend of mine had learned about remaining pure until marriage at a Girl Scout meeting, and brought little pledge cards for our group of friends so that we could all keep this promise together. Only a couple of years out of High School, I was so sad to hear that I was the only one who was still keeping the promise. During college, I didn’t have very many Christian friends and I do remember my roommates actually encouraging me to “just get it over with”. But I just saw physical intimacy as something so sacred and something created by God for a Husband and a Wife. I never let that go. I used to tell friends that in order to get the ice-cream, a man has to buy the ice-cream truck. Ha! And waiting for my Husband was a wonderful experience. Thanks be to God!
    On the flip side of that, my Husband was not a virgin when we met. He explains it this way (which breaks my heart for him)…”A girl offered, I didn’t even like her, but I thought ‘why not?’”. I struggle with this. I don’t try to compare his sin to mine (We are ALL sinners), I don’t try to punish him for his sin (Jesus’ blood has saved us all), but there is still something “there” that causes me to hold back. Perhaps I have been holding on to a deep resentment and I need to forgive him. We have been married for 4 years, we have two beautiful children, and I am overjoyed with this life God has given us. But, I often find myself praying for our intimate life because I am holding back. And we talk about it openly, but I just don’t think God has quite “come through” my Hubs words yet.
    Do you have any jewels of advice for a girl in this situation? I often find reading materials for women who have had previous partners and struggle with their own emotions, but I haven’t found much for this side of things. Ultimately, I have faith that God will bring us through this.
    I will take any pearls of wisdom you can offer! Thank you!

  40. Heather says:

    This was such a timely post for me! Not only am I raising preteen girls, but I have recently chosen purity for myself. As a divorced woman (not my choice,) I have yet to encounter a “christian” man who understands why I don’t think s*x outside of marriage is appropriate for me. They all seem to think that if you are in a “committed relationship” then it should be anything goes. I guess that just tells me that I haven’t found the man God meant for me!

  41. I have been a reader for a while, and while I do love this post, I believe many have forgotten that not all women made the choice to lose their virginity. To hold high that small item while many are victims makes those of us who have suffered feel unclean and somehow useless. In this discussion we must also remmeber these women and remember they didn’t have a choice.

    I work with women who were trafficked and abused (some were as young as 7 when they were first assaulted and as a result many of them either remained as trafficked victims or became promiscuous as a result of their assault) and many of them do not seek the help of the women who come into the shelter from the churches because many have been made to feel that they are unclean, and that they are to be pitied, all because they lack that ‘purity’. We are losing women to ‘opposite world’ who through no choice of their own were taught in the worst way possible about s*x. We are doing a massive disservice to not tell them that they may not be untried but they are still pure through God’s grace.

    yes if you choose to remain faithful to God’s wishes then do pat yourself on the back for that, but remember when reaching out that not all women had that choice. If we want to keep the church going, reaching out to these young women, and girls, this is how we will save them. By letting them know that purity of heart and mind matter more to the Creator than the purity of the body they had no control over.

    I was assaulted as a child by a family member, and felt ostracized by the churches teaching, I was made to feel like I had done something wrong because I wasn’t pure for my husband, or that I wouldn’t be able to wear and deserve to wear white on my wedding day. When I met my husband he changed all that thinking and introduced me to God’s word, which was far more forgiving than man’s teachings.

  42. Love this! Just want to say you go girl for remaining pure. Even though I am forgiven and there were things done to me that made me act out sexually, not being a virgin when I married my husband is one of my biggest regrets. I wish I would’ve grown up with godly parents and with God’s truth but that was
    not the case ( I am happy to report that my parents are now both saved!) but although I regret it, and still deal with it, I’ve learned to be glad too that I can give advice from this side of it to my children as well. Thank you and everyone at GMG for all you do! Love y’all!

  43. Thank you for this important post. My heart aches for young women who are fed lies about the virtues of immodesty, as well as free and careless sex. A great video was just featured on God Tube about reasons to be modest. It is almost 10 minutes long, but SO interesting (about how the male brain responds to immodest dress and such): http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=00JF2MNU — maybe worth featuring on your blog.

  44. Yeah, I wish I would have waited too. But it is what it is. I think that makes me appreciate what I have more. OW has really done a number on telling us what’s considered valuable and why non-conformity is bad.

    My fave is when a non-believer stated that the verse regarding a man lying with a man had to do with property and NOT with the sanctity of marriage. What. EVS!

    Thank you for your posts!

  45. I am searching for answers for my son. Everyday I browse the internet, trying to find the black and white answer. He is 19, and just recently moved in with his girl friend, who will be 20 in January. My husband and I have raised him by the Spirit. He loves Jesus. He believes in the Bible. He says that even though he and his girlfriend are living together, that they will remain virgins until they marry. They don’t know when that will be. My son desires his independence. The apartment is cheap…belongs to her parents. He says the Bible says not to have sex before marriage, but does not say anything about just living together before marriage. What should I do? What can I say? Help!

  46. This is a wonderful post Courtney, and timely as ever! My husband and I were just discussing this topic last night, as my spirit grieved over the numerous television shows and other media outlets that continue to depict sexual promiscuity as a norm in our youth. I used to think a certain network with the name ‘family’ in it was safe, until I saw that homosexuality and parents encouraging their teens to have sex (“just as long as it’s safe”) has become the prevailing theme.

    My husband and I both fell short before we met each other, but our commitment to God kept us once we were together. We even decided to make our marriage official before our actual wedding day, because we didn’t want to take any chances of falling into temptation.

    Our main priority should be to honor the Lord in all that we do, and although that may look different for every couple, it should always, always line up with the His Word. Standing for righteousness is absolutely imperative in spite of what society tries to dictate, and we need to teach our children the same.

    Thank you for being a vessel for Him!

  47. I found this website through Pinterest, and boy am I happy I found it!
    I’m 17 years old and currently in the midst of continuing in my vow to stay pure for marriage. I just wanted to say thankyou for this post it was so encouraging and so were the comments. :)

I love hearing what is on your heart.

*