Weight Loss – My Story Part 1

Weight loss – it’s just not a fun thought and yet it sells mega amounts of magazines every month! So obviously it’s on most women’s minds!

If you struggle with weight loss I understand.

Some who know me may never have thought that I’ve struggled with this (for most of my life actually). I have two beautiful Godly skinny sisters who both wear size zero. I am around a size 5/7 in Juniors (a 2 in Misses). And since about 5th grade I’ve been the “curvy” sister. My curves are clearly from my eating habits that differ from my sisters. Moderation has been something I have struggled with from childhood.

Now did your eyes roll when I said what size I wear? Yep – I know – a size 5 is great right? So why in the world do I waste so much energy “feeling fat?” Bagh!

I frustrate even myself with my thinking! But this is something our culture has taught us to believe – we aren’t good enough – we need to diet diet diet!

I exercise regularly – about 4-5 days a week – I do aerobics, running, weights and pilates. I used to exercise to lose weight and look better in my clothes – but as I said in a post a while back, my reasons for exercising have changed – I now exercise for my health. I simply feel better when I am exercising regularly. I have more energy and less aches and pains.

But I’m still frustrated with the number on my scale. It has not budged in years. I go up and down 3-4 pounds from winter to summer and then back again and my feelings about my weight remain the same – discontent.

So about a month ago I began my typical summer “diet” where I eat more veggies and fruits and go easy on the snacking and desserts. During that time I heard Beth Moore talk about weight loss and she said: “there are two extremes with weight loss: on one end there is neglect and on the other end is obsession – and in the middle there is balance.”

That’s where we want to be – balanced!

If I neglect exercise and eating my fruits and veggies I will not be healthy and able to serve God to my fullest abilities but if I obsess over every bite – my focus is off of Jesus and onto myself and I am not able to serve God to my fullest abilities.

So – I’m on a path to freedom. This culture has sucked me in and I want OUT!

I don’t want the scale to get me sidetracked from my real goals in life – I want to “press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12b)

But despite my sheer determination I have not arrived and that old nasty voice still whispers in my ear (especially when I try on a swim suit) BUT I have discovered – I simply cannot be free as a zero because I have to obsess over every bite to get there. I also cannot be free if I neglect exercise and eating healthy.

I am free as a size 5/7 and I MUST choose to be content there to be free.

What size are you free at?

Walk with the King!



  1. Hey Courtney….. you have hit the spot for me on this subject. While I was pregnant w/Olivia I felt extremely big & tired. (Yes, pregnant woman get big & tired but I was beyond that because I was obese) I decided that after Olivia was born that I am going to lose weight just because I want to the a "healthy" mom. It wasn't because of vain reason but just to be the mom that wants to play w/her kids at the park instead of sitting. So, I started & the pounds came off (yes, I was weighing myself but that wasn't my most important focus). My focus of eating healthy & exercising was to be "healthy." Well, then as time went on & I hit 60 lbs weight loss my attitude started changing to the worst. It now became an obsession of the number on the scale. I would weigh myself up to 4-5 times a day & even in the middle of the night. CRAZY!!! The scale hindered my weight loss. Anyways, I have learned a lot through my weight loss & I did have Mark take the scale away from me just last week. It no longer sits in my bathroom & I have no idea where it is. I wanted my focus to be back on track where I had it before…. exercise & eat healthy because this body is the Lord's temple & I want to do what I can to take care of it so I can do the will of God while I am living here on earth. That was my main focus in the beginning and I want that back. This past week since Mark has taken the scale, I feel so free. Yes, I focus on eating healthy & exercising 5-6 days a week. I have no idea what I lost last week but all I can say is that I feel great. I go by how I feel, how my clothes fit & how my body shape is changing. It is such a difference for me to focus on God first and do what he wants me to do instead of how I feel that I should look & weigh. God has shown me a lot about myself with this journey. I do appreciate all he has shown me & I believe it has made me grow spiritually. I still want to keep losing but my goal is to eat healthy and exercise. For me, the scale undoes me. 🙂 Thanks for talking about a subject I need to hear.

    1. My name is Lana I used to smoke and drink beer but l had to go to the hospital for a month then a rehab center for a month I have to be on oxygen but not all the time right now I have been exercising three times a day and I eat three times a day my weight won’t budge I have been exercising daily for at least three months now I am at a loss as to what to do.

  2. I found those words by Beth Moore to be so freeing for me- thanks for the reminder!

    Gina, good job getting rid of the scale=) You have worked so hard and you are an inspiration!!!

  3. I was so hoping you would blog about this one day b/c I loved what Beth Moore said. I havent found my size of freedom quite yet b/c I havent figured out how to have complete balance yet…but its anywhere b/w a 4 and 6 depending on the brand. I used to be the 0/2 and after having a baby an extra 60lbs later I was up to a 10. I was not happy with the way I gave in to every craving when I was pregnant and neglected exercising. I began exercising 3 times a week and trying to be more deliberate of my eating and it started to come off. I am now at a size 4/6 and although I wish I could be the 2 again but I know its not going to happen b/c I would not be free there…I just enjoy eating too much!! Could I be a solid 4?Probably if I exercised more and ate less sweets so I will continue to eat healthier and workout for my health in hopes of becoming that steady four that I know I can be if I just used some self control..I know I have the ability! I have weighed the same for a year and I’m fine with that but I’m still unhappy with my eating habits which take its toll on my body so I’m not at the point of freedom yet.
    I agree with you that EVERY women struggles with this no matter what size they are…I wish society would just focus on a healthy body more than size and weight!

  4. This Sunday I ordered my million set of exercise tapes in the hopes
    of loosing weight. I have my fingers crossed. Loved your post
    and would like to ad you as a friend. come over and visit.


  5. Wow guys – thanks so much for your honesty. I was a little nervous and felt like I was going out on a limb with this post – and just hoping someone could relate. It’s always comforting to know you are not alone – so thanks for the comfort and vice versa – please know you are not alone!!! I’m with ya girls!!! Press on!!!

  6. Wonderful post- thanks for being so honest. It is hard to find freedom in our weight especially with the world telling us we aren’t thin enough. I’m still trying to lose the baby weight and then some. But no matter what size I am, I need to learn to love and appreciate myself. 🙂

  7. Wow, great topic and responses ladies!!! I don't have a freedom "size" it depends so much on the brand. I can say though like everything it's about the long haul— overall health and discipline. I've learned though that all of every part of who we are (spiritual, physical, emotional, financial) goes hand in hand. It's hard to hear “well, it just comes easy for some!". That's just not true… yes a once it's your "norm" it may come easier, but typically those things which are best for us don't come easy for the flesh. I don't believe it's about being a certain #, I know thin people that are not healthy. Rather it's about being fit & balanced. I don't own a scale… can't remember ever owning one since in my family's home growing up and then it was never talked about. Visually I knew my mom's weight fluctuated greatly but I never heard mention of it. As with everything though I realize that God has numbered my days I don't get to set that, but he's called me to be a good steward.

    Side note…One thing I want to guard with my daughters is not talking about weight/shape/size regarding ourselves or others but rather health and good habits.

  8. You are so right. There are two extremes to the struggle with weight, both of which are unhealthy. My "freedom" size is a 4 (or 7 in juniors). For the longest time, I was way too small. I was a 0. Well technically, I could fit in girls 14/16 size, or in juniors – a 3. My doctor even told me to gain weight for my health, and at that time I weighed 97 pounds. She even asked if I had an eating disorder. Not me, I like food way too much. I've never struggled with weight gain. But because of a high metabolism, have always struggled to keep it on. I am 5 ft., 4 in. tall and weigh 110 pound now. The docs still consider me a little under weight, but I am happy where I am. Plus, I like the way my clothes look on me. Having a little bit of curves is not a bad thing; it's feminine. Now, I need to start putting more focus on a regular fitness routine. Hum.
    It's scary the way society pushes weight loss. Society pushes us gals to believe that "thin is in". It's so important that girls & women except themselves for the way GOD made them. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made". We are all different heights and body structures, etc. The key is to take care of our bodies, and maintain a healthy weight. Also as women, we must remember that little girls look up to us. This little girl may be your daughter, niece, sister, etc. She may begin to critque her figure, because of the way you react to insecurities about your own.

  9. My free size is a 0. I'm super small and petite. I was a 00 when I got married, and travled up to a size 13, three kids later, lol. Now I'm at a 2-ish, but I don't exercise much. I do eat healthy. I was obsessed with it for awhile, but not so much anymore. I eat whole foods as best I can. I am trying to figure out a good exercise routine. Does anyone have any suggestions for a Christian exercise video? I have PraiseMoves, and I really love it. But I am looking for something a little more cardio involved.

  10. Courtney,
    I loved your post, your authenticity struck a chord with me and obviously with so many other women. Thanks for all you do, your blog is wonderful. And I just have to say, I think you always look super cute and fit too!!! We are always hardest on ourselves.

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      Pretty sure he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

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  11. I can so relate Courtney! Except no one in my family is a size zero! My sister and I always struggled to gain weight, and were a bit underweight. But, then we had kids!!! And now we (especially me) can’t get back down to our old weight/size. I imagine anyone who looks at me has no idea that I’m unhappy with my size/weight and I try not to complain about it to anyone, but in all honestly I am not happy with where I’m at! And not because I’m comparing myself to others, but I’m comparing myself to what I was once capable of. But, that is a really good reminder about what Beth said (just did that study earlier this year) and there is no point in killing myself to get back to my old weight. In reality, there may be no way I can get that slim no matter how hard I tried. So, I need to focus on eating healthy and exercising on a regular basis. And being content with whatever size that leads me to. Thanks for the reminder!

  12. A great healthy way to loose weight fast and get toned is interval training and crossfit. It only requires l2-15 min a day. Oh yeah, and cut out sugar!! I got back down to a size 2 and gained a six pack.

  13. So… size 5/7 is amazing…!? I’m a 12. And honestly, I rarely think about my weight – except to think that I want to be healthy. I think, really, it’s just about balance (as you said). We are truly called to be outwardly focused, so I think too much concern and focus on weight and diet, etc… just doesn’t line up with scriptures. If we are working hard, serving, and practicing balance, we should be able to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. Lots and lots of hikes and nature walks with the kids helps too!!! 🙂 much love.

  14. Now I’m depressed… I’m at a size 12-14 misses. Somewhere between 20 and 30 pounds HAVE to come off per doctor’s order — and the more I try to loose weight, the hungrier I get it seems… *sigh*

  15. I appreciate this post so much. I found it today, linked from the other post. A long time sufferer of disordered eating habits and thoughts about food, which led to bulimia and over exercise, I found peace after becoming a mom. Gradually, though not all at once, God began to reveal to me the truth about the women I most admired. While many of them are indeed beautiful, their dress size was not the thing I admired most about them. Slowly, he began to change my heart. I still don’t like it when my weight goes past a certain point, and I don’t like it when my jeans are tight, but who does? I exercise, and sometimes I don’t, and it’s ok. For what it’s worth, I think that you are just lovely, truly, just like sunshine. I don’t want to say my size because of my issues but, I will say that the more my eyes are on God, the less they are on my waistline. 😉

  16. I was once the person that obsessed over my weight; exercised 6 days a week, dieted obsessively, etc. Things changed after I got married and got pregnant 3 months later. My water broke at 24 weeks and I was on bed rest in the hospital for 3 weeks. I was told to gain as much weight as possible to help the baby grow. I gained 10 lbs. I needed an emergency c section and baby was in the nicu for 3 months. Thankfully she is fine now and growing normally. All this put my weight into perspective. I am 20 lbs heavier than I was when I got. Pregnant and wear a size 10/12 and I have never been happier. God showed me that my weight and size do not matter compared to losing my life or the life of my baby.

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