The Proverbs 31 Woman – Week 9 – Putting Order On Your Tongue

Welcome back! We are on the home stretch and up to verse 26 in our Proverbs 31 study!!!

Proverbs 31:26 says

“She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”NIV


Wanna know what my maiden name was?  It’s ironic…listen to the video to hear why.

(If you are seeing this in a feed or email- click here to see the video)

Putting order on our tongues can be an uphill battle.  James 3:2 says there is no one who speaks without fault – none of us are perfect.   I testify to this truth as just this week I said something unkind about someone I love and had to apologize 🙁 This scenario reminded me that I can memorize verses and know what I SHOULD  and should NOT say – but unless I THINK before I speak – I am going to falter with my words and hurt others. 

As women striving to be like the Proverbs 31 woman – we need to:

1. Practice self-control with our emotions.  When we speak rapidly – for example when we are lecturing our kids – usually we become unkind.

2. Watch sarcasm – it usually reveals a bitter heart.

3. Watch critical remarks – they are red flags revealing a proud, envious, selfish or angry heart.


Week 9 Challenge:

  • Be quick to notice others’ strengths and slow to point out others’ flaws.
  • Let your husband hear you teaching your children God’s wisdom.  I think this encourages them to see and hear their wise wife 🙂
  • Work on filtering your words. Strive to be gentle and gracious toward your husband, and children FIRST (who you are at home is who you really are!) and then to others outside the home. 
  • Purify your heart through the reading of God’s word and put aside all anger, bitterness, malice, slander, envy and self-pity.

It’s your turn – chime in – what part of this challenge is hardest for you?

Walk with the King,


*To find the videos from weeks 1-8 click here .
**To find the Proverbs 31 Bible reading plan – click here and begin Week 9 today.


  1. Great thoughts! I was especially challenged when you said that because you talk a lot, you have more opportunities to be unwise with your speech. Seems obvious maybe, but I have never really thought of it like that.
    Thanks for the great study!

  2. This came at the perfrct time for me I have beed praying that God help me with my mouth and what comes out of it, I grew up in a house full of curseing and it comes way to easy for me when I am speaking without thinking I never noticed before I started my walk with the Lord now there are days when I wanna washout my own mouth at the end of they day and it is not what I want people to see out of the new remade me.

    1. Tina – I love this – this is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in your heart. I love how you are being sensitive to him. I just know your family is going to be so blessed by the way God is changing you from the inside out!

      1. I am the same way at times, but it is as a result of a lot of anger that has entered my heart in my early adult years.

        I have found myself begging God to take the words out of my mouth. In the last couple of months, I have noticed that the words are in my mouth and my MIND, less.

        I , too, am a chatterbox and am teaching myself when it is appropriate to speak and when it is not appropriate. This is an uphill battle but it will be worth it.

        1. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and encourging words. Still growing in wisdom through Gods words in all the areas of my life. Will tell family and friends of your website. Thanks for letting God use you and walking in love. Becoming proverbs woman!!!

  3. Its funny because I am struggling with this, sometimes I instruct my children with kind words and in a calm matter and other times I don’t! And the same with my husband, because we are going thru a recent affair (him 🙁 ) I find myself saying negative things because things that are very important, we are behind on (bills), which we have worked really hard on making sure EVERYTHING is being taking cared of in a timely matter. SO I have found myself stating, if you had not been worrying about _____, things around here would be okay. AND I have had to remind myself that, I will be angry for the rest of my life if I hold this grudge, not pray and seek god. SO that is what I did this morning, prayed because I found myself thinking about whatever went on between them. I gave it to GOD and “evicted” her and what happened last month (what my pastor said 🙂 from my mind. AND I feel great, thank you Courtney. You are an inspiration to me and other women of GOD! I will not let harsh words leave my mouth and I will think before I speak!

    1. Kelley – I love seeing your name pop up here 🙂 I can see how you are striving to follow after God hard – your husband is a lucky man! I hope you are both having counseling with a pastor, trusted friend or a Christian counsellor because of his past affair. Your anger is not wrong. What he did was WRONG! So – I want to recommend the book “I Don’t Want a Divorce – a 90 Day guide to saving your marriage” by Dr. David Clarke. If he is willing to read it with you I believe you will both have a lot of healing.
      Lots of Love,

  4. All of these lessons go back to scripture mentioned in the introduction of this series: Hebrew 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Thanks so much!

  5. Wonderful! Perfect timing for me to see this post. I frequently find my self engaging in arguements with my son (12yrs)! I need to quickly put out these little fires that get started and choose silence and wisdom over the desire to be right and “win” the conversation/arguement.

  6. Of course this message is timely for me, felt like God was speaking right to me. Summer. I love it. But, I also feel so overwhelmed. I have 4 kiddos 10,12,13,15 years of age. I feel like each one of them needs so much poured into them, and that is overwhelming. I also feel like I need some me time, and when I don’t get that I get cranky and short with them all. So everyday my mantra is ” give me wisdom Jesus…give me wisdom Jesus”. I love your videos, thanks for all you do!

  7. Thank you Courtney for all of your wise and insightful posts about marriage, womanhood and motherhood. Just a quick personal note of what I am learning in my own situation. We have been married 22 years and they had been so happy and full of joy! Nearly 5 years ago my husband lost his “ideal” job. We hobbled along with part-time employment and still found joy in our lives. However, the long years began taking a tole on our relationship. For nearly 2 years I have been trying so hard to get back what we had. I have followed your blog for a little longer than that. I have done your fall “home blessings” and other series posts you have done. They kept me going and trying. I found myself praying hard for more guidance, and then trying to come up with my own ideas to make everything better. Finally last week I let myself receive the inspiration to put us back on a loving, healthy path. I missed feeling cherished, shortly after I realized that, I realized that I wasn’t “cherishing” him. What a difference that is making. As I conciously find ways to show him that he is cherished, he is much happier, I am much happier and the kids are much happier. We have our family back together. We still have a journey of healing, but we are on the right path. Thank you for your consistent example of what is REALLY important. You are AMAZING!!!
    A heart full of deepest gratitude for you !

    1. *blush – you are too kind. Thank you for sharing your journey here – it’s a HUGE encouragement to me and I’m sure to others too! Keep pressing on Shelly!!!
      Lots of Love,

  8. Hello,
     I’m not sure who to address this, If Courtney gets this or not,I suppose “to whom it may concern” shall do.
    I just stumbled upon you guys awhile back and want to thank you for doing this blog/organization..I have been blessed over and over again from the emails and facebook posts. I am actually contacting you though because I have recently taken on a role as praise and worship leader for my local PWOC chapter. PWOC is Protestant Women of the Chapel, a military spouse bible study group that has grown now to bases worldwide! As my role as praise and worship leader one of my responsibilities is to lead a short devotion to the ladies once a week on our meetings. I have been prayerfully considering where God wants me to take this as He has called me to this position. This Proverbs 31 study you guys are doing seems to work well with different women, of different ages, seasons, etc. As well as our international theme of “generation to generation” to the local chapter theme “together we build”. Growing as women in Christ, as better wives and mothers, helping each other, to leave a legacy, for generations to come. 
     So my question was if it was possible to use your videos/emails etc. as a guidepost to my devotion. Like I mentioned previously, I am new to this and still feeling things out. I just want to make sure I am okay and not plagiarizing or breaking any copy right laws. 
     If someone could get back to me and let me know if it is possible to play the videos for each and then maybe give the printout of the email then I’d appreciate it. I don’t know if its even a verbal, contractual thing, or something to buy to use, or even possible. I would of course give you guys all the credit and just do my own thing off of yours, as well as site my source for things. 

    Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I appreciate it. Look forward to hearing back, hopefully my ideas are possible but if not, I totally understand and God will open another viable door. 

    For His glory,
    Brooklynn Loftin

    1. Oh I love this – it’s a GREAT idea. You have permission to use whatever you want! Feel free to print it – play the videos etc. That’s what we’re here for. I pray God blesses your time together and am encouraged by your initiative to help and lead other women – way to go! Just beautiful!!!

  9. Wow ok this weeks challenge will really be a challenge. But it is one that I know that I really must work on. I accept this weeks challenge. I am going to copy and paste (all over my house) the challenge so that I can see it every where I go to remind me.
    Thank you for this study.

  10. This is one of my biggest struggles as a godly woman, and I thank you for bringing it to light. A group in our church studied THE POWER OF A WOMAN’S WORDS, by Sharon Jaynes, and found much insight and encouragement from that . There is a lot to overcome here; not just in what we feel in our hearts and speak with our mouths, but also how our words are received or perceived by others around us. Prayer covers all. Blessings to you!

  11. thanks for the wisdom from within the word of God that you speak of in your blogs. It has been a source of light for me. We as a family have been going through some very difficult times for the last four years. My faith has come under great attack. I have found myself placing great distance between God and myself. I found myself not trusting in the Word, but my spoken words did not betray my broken heart. What I am trying to convey is that we as Christian women must not only speak wisdom but believe in the wisdom of the Word of God. We must not be two faces, appearing to others as women of wisdom, when in actuality we are broken vessels. Our words should reflect our hearts and allow women of faith to be are stake and walk with us through the valley of pain to the hilltop of deliverance. Your blog has been that stake for me through my difficult days and nights. my faith has beeen restored and I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman! AMEN

  12. Great video! I am not a chatterbox (actually a quieter introvert) but I struggle so much with the “words” in my head. Even though I don’t say it, I so often think critical and unkind things, not honoring to God. Thanks for the challenge to be in God’s word and thinking on His truths to guard my heart & mind.

  13. Thanks for this video! I am new to your site and enjoy reading what you share. This is important for me to remember. I need to work on responding kindly when I am stressed, angry or overwhelmed. Sometimes as you said when instructing my kids I can get very frustrated if they are not listening and sometimes when I feel that my husband is lecturing on something again and again I lose my temper and get very upset. I will be meditating on this and if you have any other posts on this controlling our tongues it would be great. Thank you!

  14. Courtney,

    Your message aligns perfectly with the sermon we heard at church last Sunday. Our priest spoke about wanting to be filled with God’s love, but needing to empty ourselves of anger, bitterness, frustration so that we have made room for Him. Thank you for reminding me that what I allow to fill my mind will eventually come out of my mouth. We have been persecuted and attacked by an evil woman for the entire 2 years of our marriage (the jealous, vindictive mother of my husband’s daughter); she even keeps us in court for custody and visitation rights (for a year now) with false claims about me in order to keep my husband’s daughter from visiting with us. She creates chaos and false emergencies once after another, so that we must be in constant contact with our lawyer in order to answer her poisoned messages and to strategize. It’s hard not to ruminate on her relentless attacks, and my husbands wants us to live our own lives and to keep her from creating stress in our lives. Do you have any advice of how to help him respond to her when he asks for my help, then let it all go? I find myself angry and frustrated because this has gone on for so long, and the stress can make me snappish. My cousin gave me the scripture: For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I’m trying to remember to use it daily (as I used to do) and to make time to read and pray each morning. Those 2 things alone should help. But I’d welcome any other counsel. Thanks for all you do.

      1. Thank you for the encouragement! The video strengthened my resolve to make time to pray and to read the bible every single morning. I’m going back to asking Him to clean out my mind, heart, and soul, to take all the anger, frustration, and bitterness from me. This morning I envisioned breathing it all out of me and into His waiting hands (as I breathed out) while I imagined breathing in His cleansing light and love. I found some psalms that help (especially 35 and 37); 37 begins, “Do not fret because of the wicked..for they will soon fade like the grass” and continues on, “Trust in the Lord, and do good..delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Also, you have me remembering that it is impossible to love God and hate someone else at the same time. I learned that in a Christian Ed class. God bless you, Courtney for being a beacon.

    1. Thank you christina for sharing what your priest said about emptying ourselves of anger,bitterness and frustration..that helps..I need to remember that when I think mean thoughts about someone. Thank u.

      1. You are most welcome. I shared hoping to find wisdom in the counsel of others, but I’m so glad to have also helped someone else! Holding onto negativity and cultivating it within ourselves hurts us at least as much as it does the object of our wrath. But, it can be so difficult to move on if your have been given a large dose from that person. I felt reluctant to share something so personal on the internet, but am now glad I did. How wonderful to know we have this place to find loving counsel and fellowship in our struggles to walk a Christian path and live in love.

  15. Thanks, Courtney. I’m sure you’ve heard the illustration of a tea bag before–its true colors come out when it’s in hot water, and we’re the same way! Sometimes our words reveal what’s really in our hearts, when we’re pushed to our limits, and that ugliness can be difficult to see. At the same time, there’s a balance between being gracious and “courting” situations that provide ample temptations for ugliness. I’m trying to find a line there, particularly with family members (my parents and one of my sisters) that are consistently (and sometimes seemingly intentionally) hurtful. They live at a distance, and I can’t find a biblical necessity in nurturing those relationships. When they contact me, I try to be polite, but I don’t really promote closeness on my end, because it doesn’t seem to truly be possible. The more I share, the more hurtful they seem to become. Maybe I’ll look at that video you linked above . . .

  16. If I think mean words about someone,but never say it,is that still wrong? At least I’m mot saying those ugly words to that person,I keep it in and ask god to forgive me for the thoughts..

    1. Lol! What an honest question. I would say we are all guilty of this. Sometimes you can’t help the first thought but you can help the second – confessing and acknowleding they are wrong is half the battle. Philippians 4:8 says to think on things that are noble and pure – so it’s important that we do filter our thoughts – not just our words. BUT learning to not say the sinful thoughts we have is half the battle and will save us a WORLD of trouble. It takes a lot of self control to allow yourself to think negative thoughts but not say them and I would say that most likely in time…if you entertain these thoughts – they will eventually trickle out. We all have to work on making our thoughts lives obedient to God’s word – we can’t do it on our own – we need God’s help and mercy.

      1. It’s such a struggle to control our own thoughts! In yoga, they call a disobedient, hectic mind a “monkey mind” (which aptly describes mine.) In her book, A Woman After God’s Heart, Elizabeth George talks about her struggle to tame her tongue and to speak respectfully and lovingly to her husband. Like Courtney, she also says the first step is to refrain from saying the unkind, disrespectful, or resistant thing. Of course, she also advocates loving God to change our hearts and our thoughts over time. I don’t remember the next few steps she recommends because I’m still working on these! But as I said in my comment above, I learned in a church class that it’s impossible to love God and hate another person at the same time, so I’m taking Courtney’s advice to fill myself up to the brim with God’s love. I’m carving out the time to do it because it will not only benefit me, it will benefit those around me.

  17. Thanks so much Courtney! I am going to have to work on purifying my heart and mind. Sometimes I allow things to over stress me and I hold onto the anger rather than letting go. Keep me in your prayers! ~Blessings!

  18. Is anyone else squirming in their seats? This is so vey important to allow the Holy Spirit to be the guard on our mouth. Wonderful Blog; thank you for sharing thought that bless me so much.

  19. Hi Courtney,
    you are so right, it is very hard to watch what you’re saying if you talk much. I have the same problem ; ) I try to watch what I say, but sometimes I’m very spontaneous and something slips out anyway. I have to watch it very closely, which isn’t always easy, but I’m sure you know that too ; )
    Greetings from The Netherlands
    Monique Elisabeth, who is trying to become a good Christian wife.

  20. Courtney,
    Thank you so much for your blog and the blessing you are to stay at home moms like me that need a mentor for Biblical parenting. I love how when God is trying to teach me a lesson, He is not subtle but hammers me on the head with it. This topic of speaking reinforces what I am learning in my discipleship group with the book we are currently working through, “The Power of a Woman’s Words” by Sharon Jaynes. Also, through conversations with my husband and the behavior of my kids, I am learning that my choice of words makes more of an impact on the ones I love than I ever thought possible. The biggest challenge for me is self-control of my emotions. I tend to lose my patience with my 2 and 4 year olds and speak more harshly than I wish to. Anyway, thank you for this important lesson and I am working to be more aware of my words and more controlling of my emotions.
    Thanks from a Jersey girl,

  21. Hi there 🙂
    I am a 22 year old college student. I love the Lord and and striving to walk faithfully with Him. My biggest area of struggle lately has been “numbing out” with time-wasting things like catching up on a funny t.v. show, or browsing Pinterest. Of course these things aren’t inherently evil, but my heart isn’t in the right place- I turn to them when I have a lot of conflicting thoughts, or if I’m worried about being lonely and want to avoid facing it. Your study was convicting to watch/read and I especially appreciate your words about how if we fill our minds with the words and thoughts of people who do not fear the Lord, that is what will come out of our mouths. I needed to hear that…. When I “numb out,” piddling around on tv or the internet to pass the time, I am opening/surrendering my mind to many hearts that do not fear the Lord. I want God to be the one who fills my thoughts and overflows out of my mouth. I want to start having dreams that are inspired and visited by the one true God. A large part of the journey to get there will be turning from the temptation to check-out mentally, and setting my sights on the Lord- reading Scripture, journaling, taking a walk with Him, etc. I just want to encourage you in your ministry; I lifted up a brief prayer earlier, confessing to the Lord that I was scared of being lonely, and that I didn’t want to waste my time and be distant from him. He eventually, randomly, led me to your blog. Your wise words are reaching people, sister, so be encouraged. Keep the faith 🙂

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