The Women Living Well Book Club – Chapter 6 {The Role of the Wife}

Book Club Chapter 6a

Let’s Discuss Chapter 6

We are up to Part II of the book  on “Your Marriage.”

I want you to consider for a moment.

Forget everything you know about marriage from our experience, our culture, television and movies.  Imagine that you were dropped onto our planet from outer space and you open the Bible to discover how marriage was created to function.  What would your conclusions be?

I am afraid that culture has so heavily inundated us with their perception and opinions that it has distorted what a God honoring marriage looks like- even for Christians.

Oh friends…please know that God’s ways are higher than ours.  I would never tell a woman to submit to her husband on my own inclination.  I only say it because it’s right there in God’s word (Eph.5:24, Col. 3:18, Titus 2:5, I Pet. 3:1) and because I believe in Him and trust Him – I am taking Him at his word on how marriage should run.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
~Isaiah 55:8,9

His ways are so much higher than ours – we simply cannot use our human reasoning to reason our way out of this. We have to take it on faith but…you will be misunderstood for believing this.  It was only 2 weeks ago that Candace Cameron Bure was drug through a media frenzy for saying that she submits to her husband.  Here’s a recent interview:

(if you cannot see this – click here)

Even within the church and the Christian blogosphere there are those who say these passages are archaic or not authoritative. They twist scripture to fit their own liking.  They write long discourses to explain it away.  These passages are not intellectually difficult but they are spiritually difficult. They require a faith that says – “God I trust that your ways are higher than mine, your word is authoritative and I want to honor you more than honor my own whims and desires – so I will obey.”

Our spiritual strength is tested when verbal accusations come our way.  But if you are mocked, remember this. We follow a man who was crucified and disciples who were beaten, whipped, clubbed to death (James, the lesser), beheaded (Matthew & James, the great), stoned (Steven), burned alive (Thomas), crucified (Andrew) and crucified upside down (Peter).

Oh friends, do not let those words fall lightly on you…when we follow God’s word it will not always be welcomed by the world that stands on the sidelines watching.

Don't miss this blessing


Let’s Discuss:

Here’s a 3 minute video regarding creation and the The Role of the Wife.

(if you cannot see this video – click here)

1.)  We all have husbands with different needs.  What are some areas you already help your husband?

2.)  Read Genesis 2:18 and the context there. What are some areas where you could work to be a better source of support and encouragement?

For Extra Discussion go to the Forum and click on the thread that says “Chapters 6”.

Walk with the King,



  1. Wonderful video. 🙂
    Thank you for your book…. your HOPE for women…. your faithfulness to keep writing and encouraging the online readers. You mean so much to me as a role model.

    Thanks, and have a great week!

  2. Wow oh wow… I had NEVER heard that analogy with the cups! I LOVE that! I heard it once explained like letters in the alphabet… A comes before B but B is just as important. Just an order of things. But love the concept of two different design of cups having the same purpose. Thanks for that! Excellent book club Courtney!!!

  3. I really needed this reminder. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who still believes this, and it’s good to be reminded that 1. I’m not. and 2. that even though we might be told by everyone(not just in society but also in the church) the Bible is still True.

    Thanks for not being afraid to speak the truth, it was a huge blessing to read tonight. 🙂

  4. 1. I work outside of the home so my income helps to support our family which includes HIS 90 yr old mother with Alzheimer’s! Boy is THAT a challenge! Since 2001, my job has provided the medical/dental benefits for our family as well. My husband is laid off again. This is the 5th time in our almost 15 year marriage he’s been laid off. I’ve always worked. Never had an opportunity to be a stay-at-home parent. He’s doing that role now. With his mom in her condition, he’s finding it very challenging. Thankfully, our son is a good kid. He does well in school. Earned straight A’s on his report card he brought home last week. We are truly blessed to be his parents. My current position that I’ve held for almost 8 years isn’t easy. But I do what I need to do to support my family 😉

    2. I admit, I’m not the best housekeeper.. Seeing as how both of us work, we split household chores 50/50. With him being laid off, most of it falls to him right now. My husband detests clutter. Growing up, we had a small 3 bedroom ranch house. I shared a room with my little sister, who was 6 years younger than me. Yeah, that was fun…..not! All of my stuff was kept in a small area, cluttered if you will. Old habits die hard I guess. Room is still cluttered. I’m begging my hubby to build me a bookshelf for my books as that’s the source of the clutter in my house, especially our bedroom. I love to read 🙂 so I can’t straighten our bedroom until I get a place for my books.

  5. You’re so anointed I love it!! 🙂 I actually read the chapter last night & during it I got a little upset at my husband! So, I made myself tea & went upstairs…doing all that with attitude & purposely not making my hubby a hot drink!! And oh Courtney was I feeling your words stir up the Holy Spirit in me!! My actions were the very opposite of what I had just read in your book!! I calmed down later & went back downstairs. He had made himself coffee :-/ I felt horrible!!! I know this section of the book will be helping me to be that helpmate that God has created me to be!! Through God, I can be the best helpmate ever!!! For my hubby 🙂

  6. 1. I am helpful to my husband by caring and working out the logistics of our 4 children and keeping our home in order as best as I can. My husband is a physician with very long hrs so I try to do what I can to make a peaceful haven in our home but this is not always easy since my job is long, challenging, overwhelming and tiring too. I find it difficult to not get frustrated on wishing I had more help or wish my husband would full fill all my needs. Your book helped me redefine this and look at it in a perspective from God’s views. I commend you and Cameron for taking the initiative to lead other woman according to God’s word, since it isn’t the norm in our society, but for those of us who do value God above all else you are helping us to see how we can use God’s word to help lead us to be the strongest and most loving spiritual helper to our husbands. Your advice and Cameron’s has encouraged me to want to be a better wife through God’s eyes not the worlds.

    2. According to Genesis 2:18 God created man and woman to be one flesh. We are to be our husband’s helper by respecting him and following his lead as he is to love us and cherish us for who God created us to be as one heart beating together standing on the foundation of Christ.

    I could be a better source of encouragement but putting aside my desires and listening to my husband’s, though all his desires may not be easy for me to follow or agree with I need to rely more on praying to God and asking for guidance and wisdom to be the encourager and supporter he designed me to be to my husband. I pray daily for strength to be an uncomplaining, unresisting, pliable, patient, obeying, nonresistant, and humble servant to our Lord, when I am these to God then I will find it more less challenging to be these ways to my husband.

  7. 1.) We live on a farm/ranch so I help him with whatever he asks: feeding, building/fixing fence, baling hay, whatever needs to be done. I work only on a PRN basis so I do all the housework, mowing, paying bills, and keeping farm records and taxes up to date. My husband not only makes all the farm/ranch decisions and does most of the work but he also has a very good full-time job away from home. I’m thankful he is a hard worker and provides enough that I can work less than full-time or not at all. Over the past 18 yrs of marriage it has become my pleasure to keep house and do my part in raising our kids. In our early yrs I didn’t always feel that way…. if I knew then what I know now. 🙂

    2.) I could be a better supporter of some of the trials he faces. Maybe keep my mouth shut more and give my concerns to God instead of my husband. These are trials that will pass, but I think I know best how to fix them now. My husband would take the nudging of God better than my sometimes “know-it-all” stance.

    I grew up watching Candace Cameron Bure on Full-House. I hope to get a chance to read her book. Have a great day!

    1. Janice I don’t live on a ranch but in everything else I completely relate to! If we only knew in our early years what we know now. I am seeing that this is why it is so important to mentor those women younger than us! 🙂 Thanks for sharing I was able to see the things through your story that I see in my own. Nice to know we are not alone in this 🙂

  8. Such a wonderful video to to watch. I have been married for 26 years and if I can encourage the young ladies out there that it is such a blessing to be a helper to my husband. It is not always easy and his decisions are not always a decision I would make, but we do our role because of God and God alone.

  9. I help my husband by encouraging him, looking after the home, taking care of the children, cooking, Laundry etc. We are to be our husband’s helpers.
    A willing sweet submission based upon true love is beautiful between a Godly husband and wife; God is a God of order. In the Christian’s Marriage it’s God first, then Husband & wife, then Children.
    The husband is the fighter, protector and provider; but this doesn’t make him a sergeant major in his home. A husband is to love and cherish his wife, as Christ loves the Church! I want to please God, and by obeying His Word and living by the Spirit, this will come natural for both. I naturally submit/respond to my husband because he loves me, and my husband loves me because I submit/respond to him. This is a picture of Christ and His church. Without love there can be no real submission. The Bible is God’s infallible Word and its relevance still remains today and always!
    Sadly, Many times, meekness is mistaken for weakness. Meekness is a virtue we must all pursue – the opposite of being proud. To come to Christ, first we must humble ourselves and recognize we need a Savior.

    1. Hi Emma,

      I agree with what you said I am a firm believer in the bible but it all goes hand in hand. It is difficult to submit without love but prayerfully for me, I have learned to submit to my husband even when he didn’t show love. My main goal is to look to Jesus and not him (husband), because when I look at him this is where I start to grumble and become frustrated. I am commanded to do the will of God even when those I love make it diffucult.

      1. So true Dani, Bless you!
        In my own extended family one is a devout believer the other one an unbeliever.
        This has been an extremely difficult relationship for both of them throughout the years.
        Still, the believer has never given up loving and praying for the unbelieving one!
        Standing on this scripture 1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. See Ian McCormack’s re-intactment testimony A Glimpse of Eternity. In his case a praying Mother who never gave up on her then atheist son. He was given a second chance. Oh how God is merciful!!

        Fire proof Movie (Kirk Cameron) is also a must see, for any out there going through any struggles in marriage. I so love this movie, and have seen it no end!

  10. 1.) We all have husbands with different needs. What are some areas you already help your husband?
    I am a stay at home mom. We both agreed that it is the best thing for us. I make e sure the house is clean before he walks in the door. I have noticed a big difference in his attitude between when he comes home to a clean house and when he comes home to a dirty one. I try to make that my priority everyday because I know how much he loves a clean house. He also likes his clothes to be put up when they are clean. This is completely opposite for me. I could live out of a basket full of clean clothes. He likes to wake up in the morning, open his drawer and find his work pants folded in there. He also likes his foot massages. We used to do them nightly. I would lay opposite of him and we would massage each others feet while watching tv. But I have been so involved in browsing the web for anything I can find, that I have put him to the side. I have to put my computer up tonight!!

    2.) Read Genesis 2:18 and the context there. What are some areas where you could work to be a better source of support and encouragement?
    Well, like I said previously, I need to pick up on the foot massages again. Also, when he asks me to do something, do it and don’t put it off. If I do it right after he asks, I won’t put it off. I realized while reading chapter 6 in the book that I have a very harsh, disrespecting tongue. I have always struggled with this area. I have to pray that God will give me a tongue full of support and encouragement.

  11. I help my husband by supporting him, taking care of our children and home.

    I need to encourage him by complaining less and being peaceful. I also need to do things for him the first time he asks me instead of letting them build up.

  12. We work from home so I really try to keep the two seperated and that we take a day off from everything even the internet. It is much easier for me than him but he tries. Since I work from home it only seems right that the house is my responsiblitiy. I also try to be suppotive in the decisions although I sometimes feel he doesn’t like the ones I make.

    I could complain less and I defintly feel that if I was peaceful he would love that. I also need to be more understanding that he may not do things or clean things the way that I would.

    I feel I am going to love this section on marriage.

  13. I am the breadwinner in our household, but my husband’s job is quite physical, so I try to have dinner ready for him. I also support him as he needs and still let him lead financial decisions (well, I’m learning how to do that!). I ground him and help him to keep track of family functions and other things.

    As far as encouragement, I can be much less sarcastic about things, especially in front of others. I should also respond more immediately to his physical needs. 😉

  14. 1) I help him by taking care of our 2 small children, cleaning, doing the laundry (mine & the kids), grocery shopping, cooking, etc. We also talk about our long term goals, dreams and if we ever win Powerball! These “what-if” and “when we get older” discussions help when we feel we are getting stuck or bogged down in the day to day and help to remind us of all the fun that we are having and get to have together in the future 🙂

    2) I can definitely be less sarcastic/snarky when I am not getting my way. I can do his laundry, since I know how much he hates it.

    This section of the book is exciting to me because I have “strong leadership skills” (I’m bossy!). It has really helped me to refocus on what GOD says and desires for our marriage and not what I desire. I am having to stretch myself spiritually and pray for the Lord to change my heart and my spirit. I am learning a lot about myself and I’m not that proud of some of it. Thank you for this book club Courtney!

  15. 1. My husband’s love language is acts of service, so I try to take care of things that are important to him. (Thankfully as a full-time homemaker and stay at home mom, I am able to put quite a bit of effort into this.) For example, he likes things to be neat and tidy and is also very frugal, so I try to make these things my priorities as well.

    2. I could definitely do a better job of really praying for my husband. I know it would mean the world to him to know that I was lifting him up in this way consistently.

  16. I work outside the home and while at work, I daydream about being at home. I have come to really enjoy my role as a wife and mother. The one thing I know for sure is, it is all about taking on the attitude of Christ (The Fruit of the Spirit) As soon as I arrive home I start preparing dinner right away, sometimes before I even change my clothes. I plan meals so I’m not scrambling and I keep our house very tidy. I have started to listen to his work drama more, unlike before I would just walk away when he was talking. I see what a difference this makes as he sees that I am interested in what he is dealing with at work. We talk throughout the day and support one another.

    I can do a better job of helping him to relax more e.g. backrubs, he really likes those.

  17. To the best of my human ability I try to make sure the house is clean and in order and that we’re mostly done with school. I am not alone in taking care of things inside and outside the home. My boys have chores they do on a daily basis so keeping the house clean and orderly isn’t big deal, especially since we homeschool. My 21 year old son is working until he goes away to school this summer so he helps with a lot of things outside the house. Having my boys help in keeping things up inside and outside the home is key. I know we’re speaking of the role of the wife however I’m not and can’t take credit for everything. I am not and cannot be superwoman. We are to train up our children. Just because they are boys doesn’t mean they can’t learn to cook, do laundry, run errands, clean bathrooms, haul trash, etc. Anyway, that’s for another time. I like for things to be clean and in order when he comes home because he needs to be able to relax and unwind. I don’t want him to feel as if things were left undone so he has to take care of it. There are times he will take a 20 or 30 minute power nap after work. So we all greet him and let him go for his nap. He currently works a full time job and is working on his masters so he’s busy and tired. I have always loved serving and taking care of my family so anything I can do to make life easier for them I will do it. Not to the point of burn out…there’s a balance. It brings me great joy to help and serve….no burden here!
    I am to be a helper suited to/for my husband. I am to help, not hinder or make his life unbearable and difficult. I am to help, support, complete, encourage, love and pray for him. We are to be one…one unified in Messiah.
    I really enjoyed watching the videos. Thank you for posting them!

  18. 1.) My situation is a little different since my husband is currently away from the home (and will be away for another 13 months). At this time in our lives, I help my husband my being available when he calls and focusing my attention on OUR conversation. I also drive 3 hours every Saturday and every other Sunday to go see him. Finally, I ensure that he is taken care of my purchasing clothes for him and providing for him financially. He is not currently able to earn a paycheck so my job is currently the only source of income we have.
    2.) Everyone always has room to grow – my biggest struggle currently is overspending on things that I want from month-to-month (whether it’s going out to eat more often than I should or buying clothes that I don’t really NEED). I know that it upsets my husband at times because he doesn’t want me to be stressed about finances when he is not able to help out in that area. My current goal is to be more diligent about where, when, and how often I spend money.

  19. Sorry I am a couple days behind…

    My husband and I both work outside the home full-time, we have a (almost) 2 year old, and he is also a full-time student in a very challenging education program. So, we take on our own version of the traditional roles. Our schedules are very opposite and change every semester.

    1.) I already help my husband by making his lunch and dinner for the next day every evening after our daughter is in bed. It is all done so all he has to do is pack it in his lunch box and he is ready to go. I make sure that everything is also packed and ready for our daughter if it is a day she has to go to the babysitter. I help by working outside of our home as well, unfortunately we are in a position that we both need to work and I help provide 45% of our household income. I like working outside the home (I miss my husband and daughter, but I really enjoy my work).

    2.) I could be a better source of support and encouragement by telling him what a great man, husband, provider, father, hard worker, student, etc he is everyday. I don’t tell him enough. I don’t thank him enough. I do nag when I feel overwhelmed, I need to stop. Period. I nag about his parenting style, he tends to be more of a disciplinarian and I think with a 2 year old it isn’t always necessary to “discipline” for doing something she didn’t even know was wrong. I am still working n this one….this is the one I need to work on the most. I could also work harder on keeping our house clean all the time every day. He like a clean and organized space, and while our house is always picked up and things are put away, I may go longer between cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming, he would appreciate that I did these things more often.

    Wow my list to work on is longer than my list of things I already do…the scale has tipped the wrong direction. 🙁

  20. 1.) We all have husbands with different needs. What are some areas you already help your husband?
    2.) Read Genesis 2:18 and the context there. What are some areas where you could work to be a better source of support and encouragement?
    If somebody were to be dropped from another planet to here in the US (and assuming the creature could understand US English), then how would s/he KNOW that the traditional Christian Bible was supposedly the right way? There is the media, public opinion, other religions…

    1.) Staying with the kids stuck at my in-laws’ house. Yes, we live here. My in-laws’ are great, but it’s the psycho sister of my husband that’s the problem. However, that’s a different discussion. He knows it can be bad, but he just recently got a job himself. However, he doesn’t understand how horrible it is to not be able to go anywhere or do anything. (Not only does he have the only decent vehicle we have, but unlike him, I do not have any money to do things at all… Not even treat my daughter to a Taco Bell concoction or to the grocery store… Do anything with her after school… Though I can borrow a car of my in-laws’ for trips in town at least.) I just feel literally imprisoned. (Though when I was in jail, I was away from the kids at least.)

    2.) I don’t tell my husband how bad it is. I just suck it up and try and pray. (For example, he probably won’t know that my kids, in their disobedience drove me to tears TWICE today before noon…. The first time was before 8:30. I was laying on my air mattress crying and talking to God or whomever saying that I just can’t make it through another day. Even worse, is that my SIL didn’t go to either one of her jobs, because she doesn’t need to be an adult. Yay. So we’re stuck in the small bedroom we share.

  21. I am a stay home mom to 2 teens!! Yikes. I home school one of them full-time because of a medial situation. It is challenging to home school and get all the things done at home. My husband works a crazy shift with long hours. When he is off he helps out anyway he can (bless him). When he works we don’t see him that much so I feel quite alone in the parenting thing. I have a full-time step daughter that i have had since she was 5 (she is 15 now). We have the hardest time because she misses her dad and has abandonment issues from her mom leaving her. It is a struggle some days. My husband is such a gift from God to me and I miss him when he is gone. 🙁

    I am bossy by nature and an extrovert so I sometimes say too much! lol I need to work on that and I am. I am also daily working on being ok with the choices he makes. Though they may not be the exact ones I would make or how I would make them, it all works out! I am seeing that by being a helper and not a Mother to my husband he is more loving and appreciative towards me. 🙂

  22. Was so blessed by reading this chapter today. I fell a little behind, but read it this morning. I grew up in a disrespectful home and there are times when I really have no idea I am doing it. I always feel like my disrespect is really a way to help my husband out, to be a better person, but am realizing that it is really just tearing him down and nagging, which he got alot of growing up. My husband comes from a very dysfunctional home. His mom ruled the roost and now I am doing some of the same things. Thank you so much for this part of the book. I asked my husband to write down ways that I was disrespecting him so I could pray about them and not argue. At some point I may be able to talk to him about them, but not until I pray about them.

  23. I am really enjoying your posts and the group webcasts. Thanks for doing this! It has really helped me in this season. The Time warp webcast was really good. You all came across very authentic. It is in the trials that we can really relate. It is hard being a stay at home mom and wife. I have been questioning my decision to stay home lately. I don’t necessarily find it all fun and glamorous. It is nice to see that we all struggle and relate. Someone recently called me a Stepford wife. I did not take it as a compliment. I guess she thinks I am happy and giddy all the time. I wish that were the case.:) Thanks again for being a place were I can seek support. In Him!

  24. So I never understood what the big deal was whenever I’d roll my eyes at my Husband…I never thought of it as disrespect till reading it in your book. I have stopped that habit & have really tried to self examine if there is any other area that I am unaware of. Respect is something I have always done for my Husband because I know that is how men feel loved.
    Last year I finally go the privilege of being a full time stay at home Mom!!! After my son was born I cut back to part time hours & had my Mom & Husband watch him & then a few years later his sister. I longed to be home full time but we had debt & was not at a place yet to pull it off. Thank God last year we made it work & God has blessed us & provided all our needs. I have been able to help my Husband in his business & in the first few months he was able to make up my lost income. He was available to work more because he didn’t have to rush home to get the kids. We no longer fight about each other running late to get the kids. I able to give my Family everything instead of the leftovers. It still is a sacrifice in so many ways. We drive used cars that are paid off, we visit family for vacations & save, budget & pay cash for what we want. It’s been great but there are somedays that I think about what else we could have if I was still working but I remind myself this is only a season. I only have this year with them to be 3 & 8. once this year is gone I’ll never get it back. I can always work later but my family will Always come first!!! I Love & Respect my Husband so much for taking such great care of us & allowing me this Amazing opportunity to be a Professional Wife & Mom. 🙂

  25. Hearing the testimony of Candace (Cameron) Bure makes me want to go read her book. (and yours) Thank you for standing beside her, and standing up for biblical truth. A changed life does not come from us conforming to the world, but by being set a part and not manipulating scripture to fit our ideals. Thank you for your continuous biblically sound blog posts. May God Bless your obedience.

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