How to Banish Bitterness in Marriage

This post is a part of the Summer Marriage Splash Series!  I have teamed up with 5 bloggers for 5 days with 5 books!

Each day a different blogger is offering encouragement for marriage and then we pass the virtual baton to the next author who will be posting the day after.

Summer Marriage Splash - Reading 2014[2]

Today is my day and then here is the schedule for the rest of the women.

I hope you’ll get the chance to visit each and every one of them and benefit from their wisdom and insight. You’ll be very glad you did!

Since today is my turn, I’m sharing an excerpt from my book, Women Living Well. I hope you enjoy it, and most of all, I hope your marriage is refreshed as we banish bitterness.

Our thought patterns affect our marriages and if we don't control them they can lead to bitterness in marriage. Here is how to resolve it. #WomenLivingWell #marriage #marriagegoals

Sometimes our marriage problems are all in our heads. I’m not saying we’re crazy, but I am saying our thought patterns affect our marriages. We can give respectful lip service and appear on the outside to be very respectful toward our husbands, but on the inside be eaten up with bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

How to Banish Bitterness

Confess your bitterness. Get alone in prayer, and confess your bitterness as sin to God.

Filter your thoughts. Put a biblical filter on your thoughts.

My personal filter is Philippians 4:8, ” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

I use this verse to frisk all my thoughts about my husband at the door of my mind.

When I have a thought about my husband, I ask myself, “Is this a noble thought? Is this pure? Is this lovely? Admirable? Praiseworthy?” If it is not, I must do what 2 Corinthians 10:5 says: “Take every thought captive to obey Christ.” I must make my thoughts obedient to Christ.

Replace bitterness with thankfulness. We must not let those thoughts swirl in our heads because eventually everyone in the family can see it in our demeanor, our lack of joy, and even in our words. It can’t be hidden. Let’s replace those thoughts with thankful thoughts full of grace.

If you are looking to overcome bitterness in your marriage realize that this is not something that will happen overnight. It’s a lifelong journey of guarding your mind and your marriage. The enemy would love to get a foothold in your marriage using bitterness, so beware! Put Philippians 4:8 as a filter over your mind.

Be free from bitterness.

Walk with the King,


Summer Marriage Splash Book Recommendations:

Wife After God by Jennifer SmithWife After God by Jennifer Smith

“Whether you are going through a rough patch in your marriage (like we all do!) or your marriage is doing wonderfully, there is something in here to encourage, challenge you and help you improve your marriage and your walk with The Lord.” ~ Amazon review

Unveiled Wife: Encouraging Wives Daily

Team US by Ashleigh SlaterTeam US: Marriage Together by Ashleigh Slater

“Team Us is a lighthearted, encouraging read with a poignant message: marriage is one of the greatest adventures God gives us in this life. Make the most of it!” ~ Amazon review

AshleighSlater: Encouraging Couples to do Marriage Together

200429208-001100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson

“This is a “must have” little book for every married woman or yet to be married woman! It comprises 100 practical little thoughts, well laid out and each one profound and challenging in its own way.” ~ Amazon review

Club31Women: Sharing a Passion for Husband, Home and Family


The Virtuous LifeThe Virtuous Life of a Christ Centered Wife by Darlene Schacht

“Powerful, is right. This is such an encouraging and challenging book for any wife to pick up – whether she’s newly married or been married for many years.” ~ Amazon review

Time-WarpWife: Keeping Christ at the Center of Marriage

Women Living Well by Courtney Joseph

Women Living Well by Courtney Joseph

“I came away from the book with practical tips to loving my family better, making my home a haven and strengthening my relationship with Christ.” ~ Amazon review

WomenLivingWell: Finding Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids and Your Home


  1. I have really enjoyed the summer marriage splash messages this week, but yours truly hit home. Thank you for reminding me to take negative, bitter thoughts captive. It’s so easy to forget all the glorious things my husband does in our marriage and focus on the one thing that is bothering me. I appreciate your suggestion to use Phillipians 4:8 as my thought checker. My marriage and my husband are gifts from God and I need to remember to treat them as such! Thank you for being my morning blessing!

  2. Thank you! My husband and I are going through right now and your words are encouragement for me. God has intervened and has promised me victory! My job is to fix myself so that when He does reunite us, we can stand as one! One of the things I am guilty of is negative thoughts, I am working hard to resist and cast them out. I will have to remember Phillipians 4:8

  3. Thank you, Father, for prompting me to read this when my prayer this morning was how can I be a better wife! I love how He works!

  4. My husband and I were just discussing bitterness last night and how God has taking a test in our marriage and made it our testimony!! We both suffered for a long time with feelings of resentment and bitterness. It has been a looooong journey, but God has been able to work on both of our hearts and bring us back together and I have to say that after being with my husband for over 20 years, I have never felt more in love with him and we both finally feel like we each have a partner in each other! I’m loving this Summer Marriage Splash series. Thank you!!!

  5. I would ask for prayer for my marriage. My wife has allowed bitterness to get a deep root for the last two years. It has gotten to the point where it has spread (defiled) my daughters. My wife rarly if ever prays or reads her Bible any more. And it can be seen how she runs her daily affairs and how she problem solves… and of course how she relates to our marraige. Its to the point that she said the other day she despises me for loving God more than I love her.

    Thanks so much for the prayers.

  6. I’ve been looking for something that addresses respect for your husband. I love my husband and knowing no one is perfect including myself, I tend to get frustrated with my husband. I am a type A and I always strive to give my best at every turn but I don’t see that in my spouse and that has caused me to lose respect for him and I hate that because I love him so much. I’ve made a statement not too long ago that broke my heart that gave me insight to how I must be responding to him that I didn’t realize. He said, “I knew it wouldn’t be good enough.” I felt horrible and have begun praying for God to change my heart. I’ve read Hebrews 4 but today you have caught my attention and I will consciously begin to filter my thoughts. I truly want my husband to step up a be the spiritual leader and I must learn to respect that position. If you have any further insight to share, I would love to hear it. Thank you for your wonderful words. -Dana Keys, Tennessee

  7. I find it is harder to filter my thoughts when I am unbalanced and HATE (Hungry, Angry, Tired, Emotional) is rearing it’s ugly head. My husband called me out on it the other day, by holding my face gently in his hands, looking deep in my eyes, and telling me to go take a nap. I was barking orders at everyone and not getting anything actually accomplished. I opened my mouth to argue with him and he just planted a kiss on me, turned me around and sent me to bed. In that instant I remembered God’s four words to me (Help, Follow, Respect, Love) and obeyed. It was tough for an instant, and that instant is where I find God in my heart reminding me of the solemn duty I took on with my vows. We are not perfect, but we can be truly repentant of our sins and work to live intentionally in God’s word. I am glad you mentioned your “Opposite World” series because it is a wonderful starting point to reversing the damage we have let society do to us as women.
    Thank You.

  8. It is amazing how God works. I’ve been dealing with resentment and anger towards my husband lately for something I’ve forgiven him for, but we are still dealing with the consequences and how it affects our finances. I know that the enemy is busy and would use this to put a wedge between us if I let this fester so, I thank God that you shared this today. With God’s help I found my way here. Philippians 4:8 and Corinthians 10:5 will help guide me and help me focus on the good and positive things about our marriage and not the negative.

    When I go home to my quiet place I will talk with God and confess my bitterness then I will start to heal.

    Thank you.

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