When You are Wounded By the Church – Part 2

How should we respond when we are wounded by the church? Watch this video and grab these resources to help you respond to this wounding properly. #WomenLivingWell #church #grace #Christiangrowth

{This is a follow up –to the post titled: How To Deal With Wounding in the Church}

Wounding happens – in the church, in our families, in our friendships and in our workplaces.

One resource I have read that has spoken to my woundings, is the book titled: Wounded By God’s People by Anne Graham Lotz (the daughter of Billy Graham).

In the video below, Anne shares her story of attending a church for over 15 years where she raised her children. Her husband was not only removed from leadership by the vote of an elder board but the congregation applauded when they announced her husband’s removal.

She says as she walked to the car that day:

“My face was burning with humiliation and the wound was so deep and so raw.  But I knew one thing for sure, I wanted to know God as He is and I had enough sense to know he was not like those people, He was not like that church.”

God is not like the people who wound us.  This is a fundamental truth we must ingest if we are going to let God heal our wounds.

I really hope you will listen to the video below because wounding is something we will face over and over in life. We cannot live a life of bitterness.

If you want to be free – then listen:

{if you are reading this in an email – click over to the blog to watch this great video}

This video is based on this book:


 Wounded By God’s People

is available on Amazon here.

Walk with the King,


Need more encouragement?

Then this Rest and Release Bible Study is for you!
Find all of the free resources HERE.

The Bible Study is available on Amazon
in paperback here and Kindle here.

This post contains an affiliate link.


  1. That’s a great video! I’m so glad that you shared it b/c so many have been hurt by something or someone at church and walked away. I’m so thankful to have this resource to share. Many blessings to you as you heal and bless in your pain as well.

  2. I’m glad you included the video – it was really helpful to watch. I guess my challenge is how to move forward in a relationship with a Christian family member who you don’t trust as a friend anymore because of offenses against you. You choose to forgive and do something sacrificial to show you love and forgiveness, but how to rebuild the relationship? How do you trust again? Love keeps no record of wrongs so do you move on trying to be reconciled since it’s different than not having to see the person anymore because they’re family. You have to be around them and I guess like Anne said need to keep forgiving them. Just trying to figure this out 🙂

    1. Kim,
      I totally understand your situation I have also been deeply hurt by Christian people in my family who constantly judge, condemn and gossip to others because I don’t live and act the way they think I should. Believe me, to have my own Christian Mother tell me that I need saved and she will not speak to me again until I am saved was deeply wounding-all because of a disagreement. Relationships have been destroyed. Yes, we are commanded to forgive, and commanded to walk in love with everyone, but walking in love doesn’t mean that you necessarily feel a positive emotion towards them It means we are still required to treat them kindly When trust has been violated, especially with people who are supposed to love you, it is hard to overcome. Yes, love keeps no record of wrong- that means we are not to hold it against them-but you cannot humanly force your mind to forget All healthy relationships need mutuality-give and take It takes both parties to be willing to own up to their part of the conflict. You cannot reconcile if you are the only one who wants to, and is willing to do the work necessary to rebuild your relationship. I found much help at Leslie Vernick’s website-she is a Christian counselor. Don’t feel like it’s all your responsibility to fix the relationship, because it’s not. I hope this helps

      1. Thanks Chris for your reply and the wise counsel. It’s really challenging going through conflict with family members who are close friends. What it has come down to is not knowing when I’ve done or said something or haven’t done or said something that offends because it’s not typically brought up right away. So when grievances are brought up months later, I’m always dumbfounded as my mind doesn’t always remember so well :). It’s also hard for me to determine whether something truly is sin against another person or just not meeting their standards or expectations that upsets them. I agree that reconciliation can only happen if both parties are willing. At this point, I’m waiting on God who keeps reminding me that Christ needs to be at the center of this friendship/relationship for it to work and continue on since we are both believers. I’ll check out the website you mentioned – thank you SO much! 🙂

    2. Forgiveness doesn’t always lead to reconciliation. But forgiveness frees us from the bondage of the pain and hurt. We forgive and leave the results up to God.

  3. I am so blessed by this video. Thankyou for sharing. There are times you can be so hurt by the church that you feel as though you may never be able to forgive them. Thank God for Jesus.

    As Anne said, its a daily choice to forgive. I was really hurt by our church, Im a pastors wife. The greivence was with me and not with my husband, so i felt all alone, a minority, a ‘reject’ in a sense. I still struggle with these feelings once in a while and would love nothing more then to leave the church, but I know that God is still working things out.

    I have forgiven, and I continue to serve the congregation, the childrens ministry etc. but I know I still need some work in this area. I think I will buy the book. Thanks for this.

  4. Sadly this topic cuts like a knife and it hurts just as deeply today as it did way back in 2010 when I chose to remove myself from a local church. A church I had attended for 13 years. This coming from hostile words that were conveyed directly to a friend of mine (who was and remains the secretary there) by saying because I was not a member it was not right for me to continue my writing devotions for their monthly newsletters. She called me at home that same day and through her candid, yet honest remarks spoke to me in the resounding message Anne speaks here in this video. I have visited this church a few times over the last few years with cantatas, funerals of friends, and most recently a Christmas gathering this past December. All in all I have forgiven that person and moved on. The hurt is still there but I know it is Gods timing and job to handle in His way. I have moved on and anytime I cross paths with this person I smile and say hello. Hurting is always going to be a constant reminder of things that have happened to us. We must choose to put all of our trust in God rather than people. He loved us first.

  5. Forgive. Yes it’s so very hard to do but is a directive from the Lord. It’s why I forgave my husband of his transgression..because the Lord says we are to forgive 77 times. As He forgave us, still sinners. It’s why I forgave my high school bestie for hurting me 5 years ago….

    Thanks for sharing Courtney!

  6. Thank. You for sharing this 2 part series! I have many different areas in my life that I need to “walk this out”. I will “choose” to forgive & let God show me how to move on.

  7. Oh I need this book! This is SO spot on…Being wounded by church and healing is NOT just “put your big girl panties on” and move on–in fact telling folks that is wounding. It’s so much deeper than that. So grateful for this message today!

  8. Courtney,
    Thank you for sharing this video. I did not realize what a powerful speaker she is and what she said really hit home to me. Forgiveness is a powerful thing especially when you have been hurt by people of the church but I like how she relates the hurt to forgiving. In the end it really is up to us and it will help us move on. Your blog is very educational for me and I thank you for sharing all the you do. I feel I learn a little each time. God Bless You!

  9. Anne’s book is excellent I read it twice last year. My family had been publicly humiliated in one Church which we immediately left. God directed us to a second Church where we served diligently for two years. We were critisized for our service no matter how we tried to please others. It was eventually clear we would have to step out of ministry. For two years I sought Gods leadership because his leaders in the Church had hurt my family not once but twice. It almost makes you want to give up. Once your true desire is God turning and leaving the Church altogether is painful. When I heard Anne on Focus on the family. I realized what happened to us happened for various reasons by broken people but God is always faithful. I read her book, sought God and the word, today we have returned to serving. We still attend the second Church God directed us to.Both our family and our Church are growing in their understanding of Gods love for his children. Never give up on God because he will never give up on you. I believe God will use our walk to help others in the future. We were hurt by the Church and broken people but it was not God who did the wounding. People wound each other we must be more like Jesus and open our arms and be willing to forgive.

  10. Thank you for sharing this video, Courtney! I needed to hear Anne’s words…they were just beautiful and spoke to my heart about a wound it has experienced recently!

    Blessings to you, friend!!

    Walking in His Grace,

  11. Thank you for sharing this Courtney. This teaching from Anne is spot on. I have been there and felt that freedom from extending forgiveness.

    When my (now ex) husband assaulted my daughter, it literally devastated our family. But in the midst of the turmoil God told me I had to forgive him. In order for my children to also be able to forgive and heal, I had to forgive the man who hurt my daughter. My friends and extended family could not understand, and even now years later, many still don’t. But through this one act of obedience God was able to heal and restore not only myself, but my children.

    There is truly no other feeling like having the weight of unforgiveness and resentment and vengeance lifted off a soul when it is all laid down at the King’s feet.

    I pray your blog and Anne’s video reached someone today that is desperately in need of forgiving someone.

    Blessings, Jana

  12. I was hurt deeply by some church women and I left my church 28 years ago. I have forgiven the women but I can not make myself enter that church. I still love Jesus nothing can take that from me. your post was very moving and I really needed it.

    God bless you!!!

  13. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and for posting the video. You are so right in that everyone has been deeply wounded, in one way or another , and usually multiple times. The enemy of our soul makes sure of that. Two words of encouragement: 1. You mentioned in one of the posts about struggling whether it was worth the risk to live with heart wide open. I would say to you that the world (and the Church) desperately needs the ministry of those who are willing to take that risk. 2. I agree with your husband’s approach about the thick skin in this way; John 2:23-24 “But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men . . . For He knew what was in man.” Jesus loved with heart wide open, yet He was never once blindsided by the evil, even though deeply hurt, abused and abandoned. As women, we naturally love with hearts wide open, even at times throwing caution to the wind. A wonderful Bible study by Beth Moore called Why Godly People do Ungodly Things (if I recall the name correctly) really opened my eyes. I’m still a lover, but a much wiser one. Thanks be to God, Who always causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus! My prayer for you and your husband is that what Satan meant for evil, God will turn it for your good. And that God will pour out His love and favor upon you, above and beyond, during this time of healing. Many blessing to you, my sister!

  14. Courtney — two great blog posts! You write from truth, love and grace. I too am reading Anne’s book. God’s Word and what you and Anne share are a healing balm to many wounded by God’s people. I have been naive and too trusting….but I pray, by His grace, I am not a clanging cymbal!

  15. One of the most important parts of the message Anne gave was this:her friend was able to lead her mother to Christ a year before she died because of the forgiveness she had extended to her. If we remember that by reaching out in love and forgiveness, even one person could be saved from eternity in hell, wouldn’t it be easier to fathom forgiving those who hurt us? I have wounded people, and I have received gracious forgiveness. I’m so grateful that Anne included this in what she was conveying.

  16. My sister and I had a verbal argument. We are both believers. She said she forgives me, BU
    T – she never wants to be around me again. A few weeks had passed and I had the opportunity to be face to face with her and I approached her, told her I loved her and that we will always be sisters – she rejected me, bluntly, in front of other family members. Through it all, I had asked God to know my heart and I asked prayer for my sister. We still aren’t talking, but I know in my heart how much I love her and will miss her if she stays in this mindset. But…I have found myself in a season of learning, growing and wanting to help others who find themselves feeling alone in certain situations. I could listen to Anne’s video on a daily basis – and just may. It spoke deeply.

  17. This is very timely for me. I ordered Anne’s book. Should be here in a couple of days. My heart needs healing. Looking forward to seeing how-God has worked in her life through His word.

    Thank you for being transparent about such a painful topic.


  18. I note this and the previous post on the same topic were written nearly a year ago, but I’m so glad to have come across them (via Pinterest) today. It’s exactly the kind of thing I’ve needed to hear, as my church is going through some major changes that have been hurtful to me, my mom who’s 93 years old and has been going there for 80 years, and many others. Though I hate to think of others having troubles it’s somehow a relief to know I’m not alone in this. Thanks for posting about it.

  19. When we forgive it takes away Anger Hatred Resentment and Bitterness
    When we repent it takes away Shame Guilt Regret Sorrows

    Many in the Church have stuffed many things inside. What they do not realize is that our hypothalamus is a scanner and all the stuffed things are scanned producing excess chemicals that can eventually cause disease.

    We need to be trained to recognize the enemy of our souls that tries to get us to live and stay in Jealousy…Envy…Rejection…Unloving…Anger…Unforgiveness..Strife..Covetousness

    3 John 1:2 Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. (Soul = Mind Will Emotions)

    These are key areas that are rarely addressed today! We must address them! 1 John 1:7 When we walk in the light as He is in the light we are cleansed! Over-comers are the virgins with oil.

    2 Cor 7:1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God

    Forgiveness is an act of our will…it pleases God when his kids go from milk to meat and obey His Word. He sees our sacrifice and obedience…and records it….count it all joy! We fight not with flesh and blood…but with principalities and powers.

    Dr. Gail
    Hope Outreach Community Centre

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