Are You A Good Wife? {Proverbs 18}

Proverbs tells us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. So the question I'm asking today is are you a good wife?  #Biblestudy #Proverbs #WomensBibleStudy #GoodMorningGirls

Today we move into chapter 18 of the book of Proverbs and we have a guest!  Her name is Mandy and she is a part of the Good Morning Girls Leadership Team!

View More: http://kimdeloachphoto.pass.us/allume-headshots2014Mandy is passionate about two things: The Word of God and the Souls of Men (and Ladies!). She is a married to her best friend, and gets the privilege to love on their three blessings (who lost their biological momma leaving her husband widowed).

She spent 9 years in an early childhood classroom, and 4 years in an “in house” seminary program at her home church. She loves to bring God glory through her roles as Christ-follower, Wife and Mother (in that order!)

Mandy is part of the Good Morning Girl Leadership team where she encourages leaders to get into God’s Word each day and invest in the lives of women all over the world. She also blog about living a life of Worship through all aspects of her life at Worshipful Living.

****************

Mandy writes:

Growing up, I didn’t always dream of being a wife. Sure, I went through a stage when I played with dolls, and would dress them up for the wedding. But as I navigated my way through my teenager years, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married.

I went to college with big dreams, only to have God change my path.

When God changed my direction, my heart toward marriage changed too. Then, I wanted nothing BUT to get married. I dreamed of it, longed for it, and waited. It seemed like it would never come.

As the “marrying” years started to pass me by, I was a bridesmaid over and over – but never the bride.

Years started to trickle by, and soon, I was past my mid-twenties. There wasn’t a prospect in site.

Instead of focusing on finding the one, I began to focus on God. It was during this time I fell in love with God’s Word in a more powerful way and I began to serve.

It was then that God decided it was time to meet the man I had been waiting for.

He was worth every second of the wait – and I knew God had blessed me exceedingly, abundantly, above all I could ask or think.

You see, toward the end of my wait, I stopped focusing on finding the right one, and I started focusing on being the right one. Not for a man – but for God.

Tucked away toward the end of Proverbs 18, we find verse 22 which says,

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

Tucked into a passage of scripture that is filled with how we should use our words – we find that a wife is a good thing.

Tucked into a passage that talks about humility – we find that a wife is a good thing.

Tucked into a passage that talks about a friend that sticks closer than a brother- we find that a wife is a good thing.

For those who are married, are we a “good thing”?  I think the answer is found in the verses surrounding verse 22.

Proverbs 18:18-24 says:

18 The lot puts an end to quarrels
    and decides between powerful contenders.
19 A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
    and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
20 From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
    he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
    and those who love it will eat its fruits.
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
    and obtains favor from the Lord.
23 The poor use entreaties,

but the rich answer roughly.
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
 but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Our husbands need us to know how to use our words.

They need to know they can trust us – that we will speak life.

They need us to know when to share our opinions and when to keep them to ourselves.

They need us to speak wisdom.  (My tongue gets me in more trouble than anything else.)

In order to be a “good thing” for my husband, I need to be sure I am keeping my tongue in line.

The main key to keeping it in line for me, is watching what I allow to go in my ears. What we put in our ears will come out of our mouth. So, guard your ears, and you will guard your tongue.

We need to be humble. To be able to place ourselves under their leadership, and trust them as they follow the Lord.

If your husband is not a believer, trust that God will protect and guide your family and use your humility as an opportunity to share the love of Christ with your husband.

Most importantly, our husbands need us to be their friends.

Their best friends.

One that will stick closer than a brother.

The day we got married, we left our father and mother to cleave to our husband. They need to know we have their back. We can do this by always speaking well of our husband to others and by being their biggest fan, cheerleader and prayer warrior.

The last part of Proverbs 18:22 says, when a man finds a wife, “he obtains favor from the Lord”.

A good wife is gift to our husbands from God.  May we be the blessing God intended us to be.

Worshiping God With My Life,

Mandy

**Chime In**

Are you married?  None of us are a perfect wife. We all make mistakes.  In what ways do you guard your words so your husband is protected and honored?  

What did you learn in your quiet time in Proverbs 18?

39 Comments

  1. I feel that in certain circles I am not only my husbands best friend and cheerleader, but also his shield. When people don’t understand him and make a comment to me I can either agree with them and harm our relationship (mine and my husbands) and make him look bad to our friends, or defend him by explaining his motivation for the behavior they don’t understand.
    I will always in my heart choose him and our relationship but sometimes the words I use don’t put as good of a light on him as they should. This is something I am working to overcome. I want to always speak well of this man… If anyone in this world loves him half as much as God, I should be that one. If anyone is his number one fan it should be me.

    1. Samantha, I totally understand that. It is hard to always come to their defense, and it does take work, but I know that the Lord blesses it- and it encourages your husband! I love the way that you said you are his shield – that is a perfect analogy. I also tend to think sometimes I am a filter as well. There are times when I defend him- and then tell him about things that have been said (if it is necessary) – I can filter those things to him in a way he can relate to easier without it coming across as hurtful.

    2. Thank you so much for posting this. It really was like some one speaking my current situation. My husband is often misunderstood but his effort and motive come from a good place. Often feelings of frustrated arise because I don’t take time to see his aspect of it and tear him down along with others. I then have to repent and apologize because at times his ideas pan for our betterment. I am currently trying encourage my husband because he is a dreamer and I’d hate for him to not reach his potential because of me. This really encouraged me Thank You!

  2. I love this! I am married as well and I have always set my mind to only speak respectfully about my husband. Sometimes I think it’s a little tempting as women to complain about our husbands. I’m honest with very close friends and they know that neither my husband nor I are perfect but I’m careful that even when I’m discussing something with them that I speak about him in a way that is respectful. And even though the counsel of close friends is wonderful some things are meant to be kept just between my husband and I (and God!). I feel that protecting his privacy is also an important aspect of respecting him.

    Thanks for sharing your insights Mandy!

    1. Yes, it can be hardest with our closest friends. You’re right – it is a battle we as women face. I know the Lord blesses us when we choose to stand by our husbands! Blessings to you!

  3. i spent many years not guarding my tongue, by carelessly speaking negative things about my husband to our kids. thinking it was harmless…thinking it made me feel good…knowing he was wrong at doing things which it made it right for me to criticize…

    guess what? that’s not what God intends. it took a major health crisis in our marriage and my crying out to God (and listening) for me to see that perhaps it wasn’t HIM that was the issue, but perhaps that I could change things by just controlling the words that came out of my mouth.

    it’s not always easy…and i still feel like saying things i shouldn’t…but the PEACE that God provides by watching my tongue is amazing. I am in a marriage and with that marriage comes responsibility, specifically noted in the Bible. God is continuing to bless.

    1. Jackie, praise God that you were open to HIS direction and correction in your life! <3 So glad that God got your attention -and he will now use your testimony as a way to help encourage other wives!

    2. This the way I have growing. A painful situation several years back to place that broke a relationship with my sister in law. The good fruit that came from it was a slap in the face that shifted my attitude towards my husband and as a result me growing in being his best suppoter, cheerleader, & encourager. As a result our daughter is beginning to build him up too which creates much more harmony & joy in our home.

      1. Marilyn,

        For sure, our children are watching. I do know that they will respond to Daddy the way I do (and vice versa!) this has caused my husband and I to be very careful about how we address each other – especially in front of the children!

        Worshiping With My Life,
        Mandy

  4. Dear Mandy, thank you very much for this post!
    I’m not married yet and your word serve me: “You see, toward the end of my wait, I stopped focusing on finding the right one, and I started focusing on being the right one. Not for a man – but for Go” !
    More love and joy for your family !!!

    1. Anya, I was hoping that I could relate to the unmarried woman as well. Those years were hard for me -I kept feeling like there was something wrong with me, or that I was living in sin. However, I now know God used my wait – and that it was for His purpose! Praying for you as you become the one God wants you to be – for His glory and purpose! <3

  5. I’m just starting to realize how much my tongue gets me in trouble. I’m am overly emotional, especially since my hysterectomy and menopause, and I am struggling. My husband is wonderful and we both strive to keep God the center of our marriage. I can be a better wife. My prayer is that I do become the helpmate God created me to be.

    This study of Proverbs is helping so much and after I read it on my own I read it to my husband and we discuss what stands out to us. We are both quicker to realize when our younger is running off. It’s really helped us both.

    1. Emma,

      My tongue gets me into more trouble then I care to admit! It is a continual battle – and something me and the Lord are constantly working on. I love that you and your husband are reading Proverbs together! I believe spending time in the Word of God together grows your relationship toward God, while pulling you closer together! Prayers for you as you make this transition of life!

      <3 Mandy

  6. I read something once that really convicted me, a question to ask myself if I start to talk about my husband – “Have I talked to God about this issue as much as I have talked to others about it?” That guides me to truly seek counsel from trusted friends rather than just venting about my frustration.

  7. Thank you for the great article! I love how you tie in the relevance of the verses surrounding! I have a hard time doing that a lot with Proverbs!
    I have been married only a little over two years now but your words ring true! More than anything I know my husband needs me to be his words of encouragement!

    What I have found strengthening in my marriage is to daily pray for my husband and to daily pray for my heart to see my husband as God does!
    This prayer has made so many transformation in my struggle to fight disappointment and negativity. When my heart sees him as God does I am able to pray more specifically for him, encourage him with the right words, and have a pure heart that wont spew out impurities amongst others!
    Thank you Mandy!

    Jessica

    1. Jessica,

      I am only coming up on my third wedding anniversary as well! <3 Praying for your husband is right on though! I find that the more I pray for Him, the more the Lord changes me – and helps me to remember that my fulfillment is not in my husband, but in the Lord. I have learned (the hard way!) that I can not expect my husband to fill a place that was only met for God.

      Proverbs can be hard to tie together – but I think that if we look closely, we can find that wisdom is the theme and the answer!

      Prayers for you as you continue to study, learn and worship!

      Mandy

  8. What great advice you give from this chapter. I’ve been married to my HS sweetheart and best friend for 52 years this year, and lately I do fall short of not appreciating him. He’s such a sweet soul and kind man, but I am married to a non-believer and always admire those who are married to a faithful man. I continue to pray for him and lately, he has actually been listening to some scripture and a teaching class on TV. I do believe God is working on him, and I know it’s God’s time ~ not mine. I will share that I also had a son that needed much prayer, and it took years and Praise Jesus three years ago he became born again and is such a new man. A real miracle in the flesh. I enjoyed your guest post very much and your words were a blessing. Thank you. Bless your heart and your family. 🙂

    1. Peabea,

      Praying for you and your husband today – and praising God with you for your son’s salvation!

      Father God, I lift Peabea’s husband up to you. Lord, please continue to draw Him to You, that He may know the Joy that is YOUR salvation and come to know you as his personal savior. Continue to use Paebea, as you have, as a testimony of your grace and love. In Jesus name, Amen

      Congratulations on 52 years of marriage!

  9. I thought this was an excellent blog. I had my husband read it and asked him the question Am I A Good Wife. So he read the blog and responded this way.

    “you are a great wife and I would base that on any(Proverbs) chapter! You have stolen my heart. You’re my best friend. You stick closer to me than anyone else can. We stand together as one. You don’t like to argue and if there is an argument you want to put an end it.”

    It was a great response because 4 years ago I was a different person. I was not in a good place but after an incident occurred, I gave it all to God and he has blessed me and I have changed and my husband has noticed that change.

    1. Liz,

      What a testimony – and an amazing and sweet husband you have! You can tell that you are his crown. Praise be to God for his amazing work in and through your life! May HE get all the glory!

      Worshiping God With My Life,
      Mandy

  10. Mandy thank you for posting! I loved it! I never thought of that verse this way and love the insight of a fellow Christian wife and mommy! God places us in our husbands lives for a reason to be a support system and blessing to him, but we need to make sure we are ready to be that blessing first by loving God first!!! Wise words lady! Love it!!!

    1. Britt,

      Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement! Yes, that is our job as their helpmeet! Encourage and support are big parts of that! If we don’t love God first- we can’t love the people in our lives the right way. <3

      Worshiping With My Life,
      Mandy

  11. Mandy,

    Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement! These words are hitting me hard during a time that has been hard. As I read this post I have been convicted that I need to continue to allow God to fill in the void of my heart where and when my husband can’t meet those needs and expectations! It has been challenging as I continue to learn how to be a good wife to my husband. It hasn’t been an easy journey in our marriage as we are coming up on our 3rd year of marriage. From miscommunication to loosing our first child during our first year of marriage to being blessed with another child, and learning how to work together and be parents. God has opened my eyes to my own blindness that I need to surrender myself to Him and allow Him to continue to change me! It’s not always my husband at fault but I am too with my words and need to tame my tongue!

    1. Joann,

      I can relate to much of what you said. We are also in our third year of marriage. My husband was a widow – so I jumped into being a wife AND a mom. Learning to parent with your spouse (and not at them or against them) is a challenge- but it can be a beautiful dance as well. I struggle with infertility -and we lost an adoption this year. That time was hard on us both as well. We were struggling with emotions, loss, and hurt. It is hard to not come at each other but instead come together during those times. Expectations in marriage are hard. We come to marriage thinking it will be like the romance movies or stories we have heard – only to be reminded that it takes work. Even romance takes work! <3 But, you hit the nail on the head- we have to have our expectation in God (Psalm 62:5- I wrote on this topic on Monday on my personal blog) and not in things or people. God alone can fill those voids – our husbands are sinners too. Praying for you as you continue to surrender and be a GOOD wife to your husband! <3

      Worshiping With My Life,
      Mandy

  12. I’m so glad you posted this. I had a small, stupid fight with my husband yesterday. We haven’t said one word after the conversation. I’ve said only what I need to in response and nothing more. I’m not sure how I feel about it but I am bitter.

    1. Kesiha,

      I am praying for you sister. I know arguments can be hard. We often say things we regret later- things we never meant to say. It is hard to restore afterwards – but it is so rewarding. Praying for you as you navigate this tough time in marriage- remember, Satan wants nothing more than to steal, kill and destroy your marriage- don’t give him that foothold!

      Prayers and Love,
      Mandy

  13. As a wife my husband is my number one human relationship. God blessed me with a partner and I will defend, protect, carefor and love him to the best of my abilities. One thing I do is show this daily. My husband is sure of my love and commitment because I both tell him and show him through uplifting words, our prayers and my actions both public and private. It is very important to our relationship that we be each others confidant and accountability partner in all things this life will bring. Together with God as our center and focus we are a force for our Lord in this world/life. I am so grateful and thankful for my husband. For me he is the best.

    1. Your comment reminded me of words that I said in my marriage vows- that come right from scripture:

      Every good and perfect gift is from above….

      Your marriage is a great gift, and it sounds like you are stewarding it well!

      Worshiping With My Life,
      Mandy

  14. Hey, I’m a newbie. I was told to jump right in. However, I was curious to what exactly it is we do after reading the passage. Do we apply the soak method and have a conversation? Can’t wait to start this journey with you lovely ladies 🙂

    1. Hi there Angela!

      Jumping in is very simple. Today we are in Proverbs 18. You can read the passage and use the SOAK method in a notebook or journal (Courtney has a link to our Proverbs Journal on the site). Afterwards, you can share what God taught you on the Good Morning Girl Facebook group. If you are interested in small group accountability, there are groups for that. Feel free to message me (click my name- it will take you to my website and hit contact mandy)

      Either way – ENJOY SOAKING in God’s Word!

      Worshiping With My Life,
      Mandy (GMG Leadership Team)

  15. Well, Courtney, I know I posted a few months ago that I was getting divorced. Funny how God works but my husband and I have reconciled..right before our 16th Wedding Anniversary on May 15th 🙂 To God be the glory!

    I don’t tolerate anyone else’s opinion of our decision. I also don’t allow anyone else to speak negatively about him, especially in front of our son.I have come right out and said, look, you are free to keep your opinions of my husband to yourself because surely, none of you are perfect 😉 We are all imperfect people and we all sin. EVERY one of us. To God, all sins are equal in His eyes. Blasphemy, adultery, stealing…all the same and ALL sin.

  16. Hi Mandy

    What do you do if you have not been that good wife?

    If you have belittled your husband? If you don’t share things with him?

    If you don’t spend time together? ? If he is not the spiritual leader because you have not reapected him?

  17. Such a great post! My husband and I are not perfect nor have the perfect relationship but if we are in the middle of a disagreement, I try (sometimes I fail) to not discuss it with others. I grew up watching one of my extended family members always picking on and criticizing her husband in front of the entire family. It has really affected the way his children, now adults, talk to and treat him.
    Another thing I have learned is that as much we as women might love pouring our hearts out to our mamas, it isn’t good to “dump” on them any marital struggles we are going through. For my husband and I, when we’re going through a struggle or a disagreement that we can’t get through, we sit & talk it through with our Pastor & his wife. They disciple us as a couple and meet with us on a regular basis which has really strengthened our marriage.
    I’ve seen a friend complain to and share her troubles with her parents, and then her parents have a bad view of her husband. She might have gotten over the situation and forgiven her husband, but her parents are left having to guard their own hearts against ill feelings toward her husband.

  18. I used to never struggle with being my husbands best friend and cheerleader, but when he is not reciprocating it has become a challenge. I need to remember to be a prayer warrior for him, as well and not just dwell on the negative.

  19. This hit home for me, as I am always looking for posts on how to be a better Christian and wife. My biggest obstacles are our parents and resentment. Just like Jackie (3rd comment), sometimes resentment makes me feel like I have the right to talk down to him or about him. I know I don’t, but it’s something I am having to overcome, especially when it comes to our parents. They want the best for both of us, but they are also willing to pick him and his decisions apart, since they are only seeing what’s on the outside. I have to defend him and us when we have made the only decision that was right for our family. It’s easy to complain to your mother or sister-in-law and say “well, you know how he is” or “did Dad ever…” . It’s also hard to defend something you disagree with. Ah, anyways. Thanks for posting 🙂 I love that God found you a mate after you turned your heart to Him.

  20. I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 6 years. It is a great marriage. We have had some bumps and hiccups, but I look and see that it is truly God who has changed our hearts. I guard my words by always encouraging my husband. I do not want anything negative to come out of my mouth towards my husband. Today, I learned that I do not spend enough time in prayer for my husband. I am going to change that and make it a priority.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.