We live in a culture where sex has been twisted, perverted, and redefined. The culture is saturated to the point that children need to be taught the birds and bees at a very young age to avoid Google teaching them what parents ought to teach them.
Porn is prevalent – it’s out of control. It dominates the internet and is said to get more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined.
Those who value purity are few.
Sadly, the next generation will miss out on understanding the beauty and symbolism of what God created and intended sex to be because of the unending lies of the enemy.
So this week, we will hold up the book of Song of Solomon as a bright light in a very dark world.
What is significant about Song of Solomon is that it is poetry. The language used guards the privacy of the marriage bed and keeps this book of the Bible from giving explicit details while still encouraging us to freely explore and enjoy our spouse. Let me remind you that this lovely book is also an allegory of God’s love for his people. As we look at these points below – remember this is how much God loves you and may we respond to that love in the same way the bride responds to her groom.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
10 Ways to Rekindle Intimacy in Your Marriage
In Solomon chapter 1 we are introduced to the bride and the groom.
1.) They use endearing terms for one another.
The word “beloved” is used 31 times in Song of Solomon.
Application: What terms of endearment do you use for your spouse? Did you call him honey, hottie, or handsome in the past and somewhere that has fizzled out? Use a term of endearment today when you speak or text your husband. Let him know how much you adore him.
2.) She enjoys kissing her beloved.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.” (v.2)
Application: Their kisses and love were intoxicating. Is this how you feel about your husband’s kisses and love? In some seasons of life, kissing can get brushed aside. Watch this video I made with Dr. David Clark regarding kissing your way to a better marriage. I’m giggly (nervous) and chewing gum (my apologies) but the 50 second message is right on point! You have to hear this!
Wives, lay one on him tonight!
3.) She loves his name!
“your name is oil poured out.” (v3)
Application: In those times oil was expensive and valuable. She values the name of her husband. It speaks of who he is – his character and strength. I love the name Keith Joseph! Tell your husband how much you love his name and how glad you are that he is yours.
4.) She is insecure about her appearance but this does not get in the way of their lovemaking.
“Do not gaze at me because I am dark because the sun has looked upon me.” (v 6)
Application: We all have insecurities. There is not a woman I know who does not have at least one thing she would change about her body but this must not get in the way of our lovemaking. I know it can be tempting to want the lights very very low but remember men are visual. God made them that way – it is not something to disdain in them but rather to accept and embrace. Be confident – your husband chose you over everyone else in the world and he loves seeing you!
5.) She seeks him out for an afternoon of fun.
“Tell me, you whom my soul loves; where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon.” (v7)
Application: She is seeking out her love. She wants to know where he’ll be at noon so she can steal a kiss midday! Look at the calendar – perhaps you can arrange a time to meet your husband midday and bless him with your kisses!
6.) She praises him as the finest man she knows.
“As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.” (v3)
Application: When she considers all the men “of the forest” she says he is the finest…or “an apple tree.” Our husband’s should know they are #1 in our lives – there is none that surpasses them or even comes close!
7.) She encourages others who are single to remain pure.
“O Daughters of Jerusalmen…Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (v.7)
Application: As this bride enjoys her groom she pauses to remind her single friends…remain pure. She longs for every bride to experience the joy and the freedom that God intended couples to have inside of marriage.
8.) She asks him to catch the little foxes.
“Catch the foxes for us; the little foxes that spoil the vineyards.” (v 15)
Application: In those times, foxes would dig holes that would loosen the roots of the vines and spoil the vineyard. In our marriages, there are little things that get in the way of our lovemaking and spoil this sacred time together. The bride asked her husband to help her catch them – or stop this problem. Perhaps you need to ask your husband to do some fox hunting for you – maybe the kids or anger or communication issues or porn or health issues or overworking are getting in the way of your enjoyment in the bedroom. Discuss these issues with your husband. Do not let this go on and on until you sleep 6 inches from your husband but feel like you are miles apart. Catch these foxes before your vineyard is spoiled.
9.) She longs to be with her lover. Being away from him is intolerable – she needs him!
“Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go.” (v 3,4)
Application: Do not be afraid to say you “need” your husband. Our men need to hear this. Being a strong woman is good – but being a strong independent woman…inside of marriage will damage intimacy. Hold him tightly and let him know how much you are glad he is in your life.
10.) She remembers and treasures her wedding day.
“Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.”
Application: In this passage, she reflects on her marriage ceremony. Pause and reflect. Do you remember your vows? They probably went something like this:
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.”
Our vows were our covenant promise to our husband. On our wedding day we assumed the days ahead held good things…but sometimes they don’t.
When worse happens, we must keep our vow.
When poorer happens, we must keep our vow.
When sickness happens, we must keep our vow.
Let’s close with these thoughts from John Piper on this passage of Song of Solomon:
“The Song of Solomon confronts us with the challenge not just of literary allegory, but of life allegory.
It calls us to look into and through the physical pleasures of sex both in Solomon’s song and in our bedroom. In other words, it is not just that this song is really physical and also points to something spiritual in relationship to God and the Church, but that life is physical and points to something spiritual. In other words, the literary sex and the real sex are both allegorical.
God didn’t just give us the Song of Solomon to show us something of his love. He gave us sex to show us something of his love.”
Let’s enjoy the freedom God has given us inside of marriage.
Which of the 10 ways are you already doing in your marriage?
Which of the 10 ways is a struggle for you?
I’d say I have some work to do with #4 and #5.
Let’s work on these together! Pick one and commit to doing it this week for your husband!
Walk with the King,