I’ve been Ruined!

 

 Last November, I sat back and assessed my life and determined – this blog –this “Women Living Well” thing, has changed my life…At first –it seemed to be changing it for the better.  It was so fulfilling to be able to connect with women and exchange encouragement.  But then it all morphed.

Numbers, stats, hate mail, drama, expectations, insults, stress, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and all sorts of other ugly things came along side this great joy in ministry.  And when I took a break in November I was thinking – What have I done to my life?

Then, over Christmas, I read in a book about D.L. Moody, the amazing Evangelist and founder of the college I attended, and how he said – once he met Jesus, he was “ruined”.  Everything changed for him.  He could no longer pursue the wordly things he once pursued. 

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah says he is “ruined”. What ruined him?

Isaiah’s Commission

1In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3And they were calling to one another:“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;the whole earth is full of his glory.”4At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.5“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”6Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”8Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

When Isaiah saw God the Almighty King– he cried out that he was ruined.  He was forever changed.  And when the Lord was looking for a man to send – Isaiah could not resist answering the call: “Here I am. Send me!”

Blogging has not ruined my life, but seeing God and knowing him intimately –has ruined me for this world’s purposes.  This realization explains for me some of my frustrations in life. It’s really my own selfish desires battling with God’s call on my life to write.

I cannot sit and sip coffee and read good books only for my own pleasure.  I cannot stare at the television every evening while precious minutes fly by.  Time is short.  I have seen God in his Word and I must pursue his will.  I cannot allow myself to be drawn into excessive sleeping and eating and exercise and pursue all my own whimiscal desires – because I know.  I know the love and power and grace of God and I must share it!

And that God, the one that Isaiah saw, who sits seated on a throne high and exalted with angels surrounding him…whose voice causes the doorposts to tremble…whose holiness no one can match.  That God speaks to me in his Word every morning and he woos me to answer the call, ”Whom shall I send?” 

I’m reminded of the noble missionary Amy Carmichael – who gave up her comfortable life to go to the mission field.  I have written in my 2007 prayer journal this quote she penned:

The night I sailed for China, March 3, 1893 my life, on the human side, was broken, and it was never mended again.  but he has been enough.”

If you know Jesus personally – you’ve been ruined too my friend!

We can’t pursue our own selfish desires!  We must humbly surrender to the life he has called us to – no matter how uncomfortable it makes us at times.

Now the decision is up to us…how will we answer his call? 

Sorry God, I’m kind of tired and feel like sipping coffee and reading a good book.”

or

“Here I am, Send me!”

Are you in a tug of war these days between your flesh and obedience? Me too!

There’s only one way to win this battle – open God’s word and Behold,– the Glory of our God. 

Worthy is the Lamb.

Walk with the King,

 

 

Comments

  1. Oh my goodness i have totally been struggling with these back and forth feelings too!

  2. The more I give away, the more God restores to me. I, too, have been “ruined”. I weigh my stresses against the long run and they all come into the focus as the speck they are compared to God’s greatness and His call on our lives. Am I witnessing? Am I helping? Am I keeping my eyes on Jesus? My constant prayer is for God to search my heart and show me where I have failed and where I have a tendency to fail. And such were some of you…. I am one of those “you.” So thankful for God’s saving grace!

  3. Taking a stand for the Lord and His Word are not always easy but they are always good. We certainly know how the story ends and it is wonderful! Knowing who we are in Christ and how He makes all things new is so comforting in this tumultous world. May God continue to bless you as you walk with the King.

  4. You hit how I feel right on the head. After a long season of raising a rebellious teen plus a toddler and two children in between, I feel done! Give me a good book, a cup of coffee, and please let me be!!!!! I want to be able to say “Hear I am, Send me.” and pray that God will give me the strength more often. Thank you for the encouragement! :)

  5. I remember reading this verse the first time and I was so moved by the image of Isaiah standing up and saying, “Here I am, send me!” I could see it so clearly. A good friend and I were talking about conflict and how it just never gets easier when we get feedback from the world or they attack us while we are serving. When I consider the cost and consider all the people who still need to know there is a God who loves them and wants to give them eternity, we have to press on. I’m glad ruined the old me and brought me to life.

  6. Wonderful post! I’m definitely ruined, but there simply is no other way. This world is not our home!

  7. You have hit the nail on the head!!! I’ve been thinking this as well. But came to your conclusion too. Blogging isn’t for me, it’s for God. The numbers don’t matter, the hearts of the readers do.

  8. You sound pretty hard on yourself. I’m not sure how resting with a book & coffee is selfish. If you body needs that nourishment, that is only so you can serve others better. I guess I’d have to read what you are feeling slack about.

    • Even our Lord many times sought time alone for rest. We are human beings and God created us to need times of rest so we can serve Him more efficiently. Sometimes I think stretching ourselves with to many ministries can keep us from the ministry God gave us as a Helpmeet to our husband and a Proverbs 31 wife and mother to our family. Though I must say if my own selfish leisure time is a detriment to these callings then I absolutely need to seek God’s forgiveness and will for my daily life. Sometimes you need to pour yourself a cup of coffee, pour your children some hot cocoa, snuggle up on the couch with your husband and have some family time. Even if that time is quietly reading and rejuvenating your soul in the comfort of the family God gave you. Then the next day you can pick up your cross and serve Him all over again.

      Maybe, I misunderstood the meaning of your post? Your work and website has been a great blessing to me. My oldest daughter, who is 17 years old, and I really enjoyed reading through your Proverbs 31 E-Book together.

      Respectfully and Sincerely,

      Amy H.

    • Oh I am not against rest… :) I LOVE to curl up with a good book and do so regularly. This post was more about my selfish desires to walk away from ministry and all the headaches it brings and just go and live for myself.

      • Oh I see! Sorry I misunderstood. :)
        I have found myself having to cut back on some ministries if they interfered with my ministering to my family. I remember a few years ago being so stretched thin by different ministries at my church that I was neglecting many things that helped our household run smoothly. I also was so exhausted I neglected my daily time reading my Bible and prayer time. I struggled so much with that. Once I scaled back and got our home back in order, I could tell my hubby was so relieved and happy. Thank you for your website. It is such a help and inspiration to me. Like throwing light out in the darkness:)

      • I’m so glad you posted this Amy and your replied Courtney… I too thought you were against personal reading, relaxing and having a coffee – smile – I now understand the context in which you wrote your post. :)

  9. This was wonderful to read tonight!
    ~Laura

  10. whoa, whoa, whoa! What a wonderful insight the Holy Spirit has brought to you! Thank you so very much for being vulnerable with yourself and with your sisters in Christ, for I know you have touched my heart and the hearts of women who read your blog. Huggs!! #Ruined ;)

  11. You are so spot on! (And I totally agree with what Sara wrote.) I have been in a tug-of-war and I’ve considered not writing because my “audience” is so tiny…God keeps nudging me to keep at it. I have been choosing comfort over many other things; that’s one of the reasons I chose the word “diligent” as my word of the year. Then the flu hit…a week later I can’t decide if I’m in a physical or spiritual battle. Thanks for your encouraging post. Glad to be a “ruined” sister with you.

  12. Awesome word Courtney, you bless and encourage so many of us wives and mother’s with your love and faithfulness for the Lord. Thank you!

  13. For the last 10 year my husband and I have struggled. We just couldn’t get on our feet after a lay off. We have been through a lot. But a couple of months ago he says “I think we are supposed to to missions”. I’ve wanted to since high school. We have lightly talked about it over the years. But,we are laying ourselves down at His feet. And going to the Transkei in South Africa.God has to provide and lead and help us through all the details and emotions. We will be leaving behind our grown children. And dragging 5 youngers along. We won’t be coming back except to visit. It’s very hard. And yet terribly exciting. Please pray for our adventure. We’ve already had a spiritual attack. And I’m sure we will have more.

  14. Wow!!! I absolutely looooove this post, Courtney! Such an amazing perspective! God never said it was easy…

  15. My sentiments exactly.

    • I read this four hours ago and have been thinking of it ever since. This quote by MLK Jr. caught my attention this afternoon and made me think of you, Courtney, “Our lives begin to end the day we are silent about things that matter.” One of the things that happens when we realize our life has been ruined by Christ, is that we forge ahead in speaking truth. We can’t be silent any more! No matter the cost. God Bless you!

  16. Beautiful, poignant and quite the challenge. Thank you, Courtney, for not letting this be your own private learning but for inviting us to wrestle alongside – and hopefully continue to say ” Thy will be done.” And “Here I am, send me.”

  17. Oh wow…..God sent this message to me RIGHT when I was at a crossroad myself. I am also in a battle between my desire and what God is calling me to do. God certainly used your faithfulness tonight to send me the EXACT message I needed to hear. Thank you for allowing God to use your life and to….SEND YOU!
    AGAPE,
    Cindy

  18. Wow! This is exactly what I have been feeling lately. Although the ministry of my blog can sometimes keep me from doing other things, I know it is a calling that God has for my life and I am ruined to all the other trivial time-wasters. Thank you for your candidness. BTW…glad you’re back!

  19. Amazing, I can completely relate, the further into God I press the further away from the world I get, it is something that I am getting used to, enjoying but can be scary at times, I said to my hubby last night something along the lines of…..because I cannot remember scripture really well just yet….something about being hated because you love Christ, you may know what I am talking about. With much love. Tara (The Proverbs 31 Sanctuary)

  20. Thank you for sharing this! Thank you for fighting the battle! It not only blesses you but myself and every other reader. I cannot express in words how much this touched my heart upon reading your words and hearing His Word. Two verses come to mind here: 2 Timothy 4:7 and Acts 20:24. God Bless!

  21. Oh friend! I wish we could chat in real life because you have been an amazing friend. Even though we have never met, you’ve encouraged me, cheered me on and helped me grow in my walk. God is using you in a great way. Keep up the good work Courtney!! You are surely cherished!

    • Well said, Tabitha. I have never met Courtney either (though would dearly like to) but she has been one of the most inspirational people that I have ever met. Her ministry means so much to me and countless others. Thank you Courtney from the bottom of my heart!

  22. Don’t even know the address of my blog. Definitely losing it! LOL

  23. Elizabeth Morrison says:

    Great perspective Courtney! Have you read Kisses from Katie? Such a good book – she says that Jesus wrecked her life :)

  24. Jenny Rutan says:

    WOW!

  25. Thank you Courtney. I have been pondering my obedience to the Lord as He has taken my family in a new direction….I needed to see Him high and lifted up through your words this morning. It has reminded me of why I want to serve Him, obey Him, hear His voice and live for Him… ruined and wrecked…that describes dying to self and following after Him…I am becoming more familiar with that.

  26. Yay!!! So glad that you see clearly Gods power through you and this blog. You speak for Him so boldly and we desperately need to hear it and learn from yor example. You model, encourage, and inspire us as women. I was sad when you were questioning the blog. Our battle is not against flesh or people who will try to tear you down. Our battle is with Satan and his evil plans to create discord, division and distance in human relationships. Keep up the great kingdom work. Welcome back!’ so happy to have your frequent doses of truth that point me to jesus. God bless you, your family and this ministry. I heard it said “ministry that costs nothing is worth nothing”. Christ certainly modeled a ministry that cost him everything. Thank you for the sacrifices you make to fulfill your ministry. It helps so many!!!

  27. WOW. I definitely needed to read this today! Thank you for sharing.

  28. O MY GOODNESS!!! I have been struggling with this for a couple of years.. NEVER EVER have ever thought of this.. (tears) So good Thank you for allowing God to speak through you.

  29. Thank you so must for your honesty. I hope that you will be encourage to continue your Godly work. I certainly look forward to your post about Gods word and how it works in you life. You are a blessing. Please keep up the good work!!!
    Amy

  30. Renee Runyon says:

    Thank you, Courtney, for sharing so transparently! This is what I need to hear and to remind myself of often. My life ISN’T like others’ lives BECAUSE I’VE BEEN REDEEMED, bought with a price. I am not my own, I am God’s, but how often do I live like that? I must constantly remind myself that I have a purpose — God’s purpose — and I must be attentive to His calling on my life. Oh, and did I mention that the rewards are OUT OF THIS WORLD?!?!?!

    • Kathi Rogers says:

      I needed to read today’s blog. Thank you for being so real.
      You are blessing to me as you serve our Lord.
      I am reminded that the He told us it would not be easy to follow HIM.
      But it is worth it!
      Love in Christ.

  31. What an awesome observance

  32. I am so thankful to have found your blog and I wish I could take away all the ugly things that have been said to you. I am not surprised at all that you were able to come to this strong conclusion and move forward boldly. Well done, good and faithful servant…

  33. I love this post! We need to be challenged! :) your blog is like a source of water after a long hard of outdoor labor in the heat!

  34. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have been struggling with this lately, only I couldn’t put it into words. I struggle with truly wanting to follow His will for my life, but feel like others, and my own insecurities, are holding me back. Thank you for this message on this day!

  35. Yes, Courtney. Yes! I am ruined but He is enough. You describe the tension I feel often and I thank you for the fresh perspective to press on for His glory!

  36. I could have written this blog. Thank you for doing it for me. It’s almost like you’re eavesdropping on my life and seeing what I need.

  37. Wow! I can’t express how much I needed to hear that message. Thank you! Please keep blogging.

  38. Lisa Seegert says:

    Perfect! Praise God for His perfect word and perfect timing and His people! Thank you for sharing this Courtney.

    also ruined,
    Lisa

  39. Wow! God is so amazing to make me feel like He was talking just to me through your blog and then I read some of the comments and realize He is so good and faithful to make others feel that way too! What a wonderful PERSONAL God we serve! Thank you for sharing!

  40. This post has inspired me to take a TV fast this week. I so appreciate it.

  41. Since Thanksgiving the Lord has been showing me more & more that we are not here for our comfort but to lay our lives down for Him. The Holy Spirit seems to be impressing this same/similar message upon many hearts. God is so good.

  42. I, too, have been completely “ruined.” The more I grow, the more He wrecks me for the things of this world, I was especially feeling it at the end of last year and right now. I have been struggling with whether its my “selfish desires” to quit the ministry God has given me, or if God is truly moving me in a different direction. I know God will reveal it, but I’m not sure I have the energy and desire to obey right now. That’s why God has given me this time of rest, I suppose, to rejuvenate me, and “sharpen my edge” as you said in a previous post. I want to encourage you, there are many of us going through the same thing you are, and are right in the same spot you are. God is using you! Thank you for sharing your struggles. Hold tightly to Him, and He will work all things for his good…in His time! Have a blessed day!

  43. This brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing. God is using you to bless many!

  44. Wow, Courtney. I have been enjoying and learning from you for quite a while but this post has got to be the greatest ever! You grabbed me from the get-go and never let go. Now I have a new goal for this year – to become totally ruined!!!! Thank you for the inspiration.

  45. Courtney, I have been reading your blog for a little while now and you are such an encouragement to me! You challenge me to be more and do better in all I do as a wife and mother. What an amazing call we have to be entrusted with such a huge responsibility! Keep following His voice:)

  46. Judy Katherine says:

    Bless you Courtney. With love in HIM

  47. I just wanted to send a note to let you know that I *seriously* needed this today. I struggle all the time and typically fail Him in HORRIBLE, lazy ways. It amazes me that you would receive hate mail over your blog posts. So I wanted to make sure you knew that your writing inspires me constantly. I’m not anywhere close to where I should be in my walk, but when I’m feeling really down, your posts always seem to lift me up and it’s like they were written just for me. Thank you.

  48. Nicole Patteson says:

    And that is the very reason I started the Good morning Girls Bible Study! My church is struggling and I’ve seen things I didn’t want to see and wrestled with God about where he has placed me. I knew I had to get back into His Word, to drink from The Living Water because I’ve been in a desert and I’m dying of thirst. And one day God led me to GMG. After one quiet time it was like, “What took me so long? Why did I wait?”

  49. Barbara Behringer says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your’s is the first thing I’ve read on the internet and it is what I needed to hear.

  50. I am always encouraged by you, thank you for your honesty.
    I pray God will give you the strength to answer His call.

  51. I needed to read this this morning… praying for you as well.

  52. Dodie Mire says:

    Courtney, I just want to start off by saying I am a new follower of your blog. But please don’t worry about the naysayers! For those of us who need daily encouragement, thank you so very much!!! :) I have been struggling wih many of these same feelings that you spoke about above, and I know many women around me are struggling also. I often forward your posts to friends who are also uplifted by your encouraging messages. You have a gift girl! Don’t let it die just because other people in this world can’t seem to agree to disagree. I know you may never read this, but if you do, My goal is to be like you. I can’t go to evangelical school right now, but I am in the word as much as I can be. I have 3 children under 5, so my life is consumed with my home ministry right now. I do lead a small group at my church, and I feel like God is preparing me for much bigger things! Tbh, I am nervous, but I know that my desires are from God because I wouldn’t choose this path by myself. Only God can take this girl who was once a complete mess, and turn His glorious name into gold!!! Walk With The King and do what pleases Him! He will reward you more than you will be able to handle!!! :))
    Thank you! Thank You! :))

  53. Katherine Chaney says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I needed this encouragement at this moment in my life!

  54. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.HERE I AM, TOO. LORD, SEND ME!!!

  55. How awesome, Courtney!! Keep on following His leading and when you have opportunity, let us all in on what He is revealing to you. We are all blessed!! Thank you and may He continue to let you – and us- see His glory!

  56. Love you, love your heart, Courtney!

  57. One of my goals for 2012 was not to blog but God had other plans. Somewhere around June I just quit. I think I was overwhelmed and then I kept putting it off. I have been feeling the nudging of the Holy Spirit for the last few weeks; including this article. So, thank you for pushing me over the edge. :)

  58. ““The night I sailed for China, March 3, 1893 my life, on the human side, was broken, and it was never mended again. but he has been enough.””

    Amazing quote! Thank you so much for this post. I struggle with some fractured relationships in my life and feel pressures, self-imposed and from others, to single-handedly fix them because I’m a Christian. I’m learning that I can’t control others behaviors just my reactions to them. As long as I am walking in Faith and with God, what is pleasing to him is what is most important to me. The negativity will come and the valley’s are deep but His promise to walk with us through them are a promise we can rest on.

  59. You are not only reaching the young moms and the middle-aged ones, but also us older ones. I have walked with the King through the seasons of my life since He became my Savior at age 4 1/2 and now, at age 71, your blog was just one more “word” from the Lord to let Him “out of the box” ( get out of my comfort zone) and make Him known in new ways. Thank you!!

    • Oh Eunie! Your comment double blessed me today!!! You are amazing to be tech savvy at 71 and humble to be so kind to little ol’ me! Thank you for your encouragement!
      Keep pressing on!!!
      Courtney :)

  60. Thank you, I needed this today.

  61. Oh, Courtney. You have expressed exactly what has been on my heart. I too am “ruined” and whenever I feel like giving up on blogging as well, I also feel a nudge from the Lord asking me, “who will go, who will tell them?” I don’t always like that it’s me :) but He gave His life for me, all I can do is give Him mine back.

  62. Amber Foshay says:

    I feel you, friend! We’ve had a hard winter, too, having been hit since Thanksgiving with every flu that’s going around Oregon, I think! I have been feeling completely drained!

    Be encouraged that while I pray for my ‘edge’ and ‘zest’ to return, I will commit to praying for you, as well! This I know, our God is the God who hears!

    As I’ve been drained and lethargic about homeschooling and life in general, I have lately been reminded about something Elizabeth George wrote in “Woman after God’s Own Heart”. I have been thinking about the image of a waterfall that she describes and how me must first fill up our top ‘pool’ with time in God’s Word before it can overflow and fill the pools below it. I will admit to being selfish about this committment — in that I have allowed other selfish activities priority over this! MUST get back to basics around here!

    Thanks for your honesty and love!

    Love and hugs (the germ free cyber kind — achoo!) ;)
    ~Amber

  63. Wow, Thank you!!

  64. THANK YOU Courtney, how easy it is for us to wallow in the “about me” times. And I know how hard it could be not being “of this world” but “in it”.

    Whenever I feel up against people or things that hurt me because of my faith, I remember the words of our Savior: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. John 15:18

  65. Girl!…LIGHT IT UP!!

  66. Well Said! Time to go get a little more ruined.

  67. Donya Kesler says:

    I understand. 2012 was an extremely difficult year for us as we rushed through our furlough and headed back to the mission field way too soon. We knew we were exhausted, but two of our kids had school requirements and another was getting married. The stress just piled on as relationships were tested and one child married and left, (good stress), and another child chose to leave -everything, our home, our values, and our culture. By the end of the year we were worse off physically and emotionally then when we’d begun, and then the first week of 2013 I contracted Dengue. However, as we have prayed and been forced to rest in Him and to trust in Him again and again to take care of people and things we can not, I have noticed two things. God is sifting His people and consequently we have not been alone in our troubles, and two – God was there with us each time we needed Him. Hangth thou in there!
    Donya

  68. I have been ruined, too! And again, I try to do what pleases those of this earth! Thank you so much for being in my inbox today! With great big tears running down my cheeks….I now know that this is where I need to be! Thank you!

  69. As believers in Christ we must always ask ourselves if our actions and choices are in alignment with God’s desires for our life. When we follow His will we will be richly blessed. ~Alexis on behalf of everyone at A Moment with MOM

  70. I had major surgery last week and now I have been catching up on all my bible work. I have also realized that while my family might love me, I cannot fully depend on them. I can only depend on Jesus to meet might needs. I read the Isaiah scripture yesterday – and I did not know how God could use me while I am confined to my couch for the next four weeks. Today, after reading my devotions, I have realized that God wants me to use this time to listen and study His Word – it’s His plan for me – I have to give up my own plans. I have to sit back, be patient, and be in God’s Word. Yes – I am ruined. Thank you Courtney for your devotion to sharing the love and power and grace of God. Bless you!

  71. Ruined right with you! Love your post.

    In His Grip,
    Monica
    http://happyandblessedhome.com

  72. It looks like you’ve gotten your edge back!

  73. Yes and AMEN sister! As I have felt the call to be more bold in my writing, I have battled myself constantly….worried about drama and the like. You are so right on here and I will be going back to reread this often!

  74. As the youngest deacon in our church (at the age of 42….the next oldest I think is early 70′s), in a small community where there is not a huge congregation to begin with, I am scoffed at and made the brunt of many a joke….even within my own family. However, I know my Lord and I want to serve and I want to be a role model to my children and to other young women out there who look at their lives filled with late night parties and empty relationships and wonder what else is there and show them that there is a solid, never failing, love in the heart of a true relationship with Jesus Christ.
    I will happily be ridiculed and teased if it means that I bring one person comfort. If I can help one person find the path to their faith journey I will gladly take it all.

  75. Courtney – Wow! I just finished reading the Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn. I so very much felt ruined after that read (read in 2 days! and I don’t have the time to!) . I have struggled and I am not sure what or how to go about doing something! Then I thought I need to ask God what to do instead of coming up with it myself! Well, you won’t believe me but you came to mind today and it was odd since you have not been posting much! Well, once I read your post today, I figured it was confirmed that I am supposed to be ruined and I wish I had been sooner. Where do I go from here? I need to ask Him. thank you for obeying and for this post!!

  76. You are so right on with this post. That’s all. Now I will get off the computer and study. You are amazing my friend.

  77. Dellora G. says:

    Well Said!

  78. What an encouragement this was today, sweet sister in Christ. May we each live with total abandon you speak of for the one Whose voice and opinion matters for eternity. I have struggled with fear of man in the past years and it has hindered me from obeying many times. H Praying for you this evening…keep your eyes fixed upon Him. Also, I wanted to pass this along to you for your encouragement…http://craftyhomeschoolmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/weary-in-well-doing.html?m=0
    Blessings, Joanna

  79. Thank you for sharing this encouraging post. I find that it is easier for me to give up worldly things to pursue God’s will than it is to give up my own insecurities and doubts on whether I really do have anything to offer at all. But your post still spoke to me because I can remember speaking these words – “Here I am. Send me!” instead of letting His call in my life slip away because of my doubt in myself. Thanks again – His Word is alive and active indeed!

  80. Thank you so much for this beautiful and encouraging post. This really spoke to my heart. Our church had a family retreat back in October and one of the speakers said that we are called to “holy boldness”– just like you said, letting the Lord send us and not being afraid to be bold for God and the Truth. She also said that it is not easy and we will be ridiculed, we will have persecution (like you have already experienced), but Jesus said that those who suffer for His sake will be blessed! :-) God bless you!

  81. In 2003 when I became very ill nigh unto death and could no longer carry on with my flourishing career and I knew that only Jesus could save me from death – I surrendered my life to Him, and I knew then that I’ve been ruined forever. Numerous times ever since that day, I’ve wrestled with Him, but what He has sowed from day one must grow and find it’s way out of the dark earth into the light – much like birth pangs! It is like being reborn each day to follow and do His will!

  82. Loved this one! It was a great challenge to live fully for Him and focus on what really matters in life. Thanks!

  83. Wow, what an awesome post. You sound a bit like the apostle Paul: “Woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!” I feel exactly the same way too. There’s nothing better than ministering the Word of God to people who need Him.

  84. It’s the only way to REALLY live – Otherwise, we perish. Have a fabulous day!

  85. Catherine says:

    A really great post, Courtney, thank you for being so open and honest. I hate to be the picky one, I really do, but I just wanted to set the record straight since Amy Carmichael is one of my heroes too: she was actually Irish and was living in England when she left for the mission field, not the States. It doesn’t affect the point you were making though at all.

  86. I needed to read this!!!! I’ve been saying “Sorry God, I’m kind of tired and feel like sipping coffee and reading a good book.” way too much lately. Thanks for the encouragement.

  87. so thankful that i have been forever ruined!

  88. New reader here. I guess I am more of a career woman feminist-type, but I find your perspective on marriage & motherhood valuable. I think you have a whole lot of class!

    I also think that there is nothing wrong with taking time out ministry to enjoy God’s grace all by yourself every once in awhile. I think our go-go-go culture makes it easy for people to feel like they’re not doing enough if they can’t perceive results all the time. Same goes for if they don’t feel like they’re working hard enough/ entertaining too many “whimsical desires”.

    If God wants you to keep ministering as intensely as you have been, he will give you the strength and the resources to do so. If he wants you to take a different direction (what an adventure!), or if he wants you to take more time to minister to yourself, then he will let you know thorough prayer. Either way, God Bless and thank you.

    Oh, and Psalm 46 always does it for me when I feel pulled in too many directions-
    “Be still and know that I am GOD”

  89. I think these thoughts we have, call it “ruined” or call it “this world is not our home, but we are here because God has us here for a reason but our heart longs for home” – is solid evidence that we are HIS, proof of His indwelling.

    Navigating the journey while we are here is such a personal experience, one that is walked out daily in relationship with Him, with our hearts tuned to His voice, His leading. I may make some errors in judgement, but I know my desire is to follow Him and He will get me where I am supposed to go, and so glad He is patient with me through it all.

  90. Hi Courtney!

    Your website has been a huge inspiration to me. Such a wealth of information…so divine. I appreciate you letting go and letting God. You being used by Him is a blessing to many, and for that, your harvest is sure. I read your recent post….”I have been ruined” and boy oh boy did it strike a cord with me. Being a Christian is definitely not easy peasy…when John said “I must decrease and He must increase” he wasn’t playing. Dying to self, is ain’t a joke

  91. I just found your lovely blog via Pinterest (my personal drug of choice!) and love what I have read so far. Being ruined, being spoiled by the blood of Jesus is a beautiful, wonderous thing!!! Thanks for sharing. Now, off to read more! Happy Wednesday!

  92. Oh my I cannot tell you how much I sincerely needed to read this right now. I have been struggling so much with exactly what you talked about. Thank you for always sharing your heart and God’s truth.

  93. This is good Courtney! I have had those times that I just want to quit, stop, take a break….etc. Only to find myself miserable and uncomfortable. God’s way of getting my attention!

  94. Thanks so much for your wonderful spirit of Evangelism!

  95. Courtney, you are such a blessing!!! You are on fire with the Holy Spirit even when you don’t try so hard! Your posts are anointed! My mom and I follow your blog, and we’re praying for you. Praying God will give you wisdom, rest, and the stamina you need to go along with your passion for Him! I wish I had the pleasure of knowing you personally, but I’m praying for you and your ministry like I do!!
    Thank you and Blessings!
    Leslie

  96. Claudia Gaviria says:

    Among all the people that harm you do never forget there are by far much more that you are helping find The Lord trough your blog .

    Many followers like me, feel encouraged by you and all the work you do.
    Because of the work you do at Good Morning Girls and here I have found a way to serve God and be accountable for my daily time with Him.

    I thank you so much and have all the blessings in this new year

  97. I thought I was right where I needed to be with the Lord, but nothing “Get’s” to me anymore. When I first met the Lord, It seemed like whenever I talked about Him or Salvation, or whenever I herd anyone else talk about him I would start the tears…Then after a while that just didn’t happen anymore… Then one of my friends at church asked me to join her Good Morning Girls Group and told me to check out your blog… Right before the Proverbs 31 bible study…I joined and those Ladies kept me accountable. I can’t say enough good things about it…I guess what I’m trying to say is God has put you (and Whitney and Anglela) in your positions and with your resoures to help those of us that are “Stale” in God word, to encourage us and to keep us on track…Bless you for all you do…
    Jami

  98. This post makes me very emotional because it so touches what I do in my professional. As a Soldier, Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” is the compass that guides the majority of our Soldiers. Many have this verse tattoed on them. It completely reflects how we volunteer to do our job as Soldiers without thought or care for the sacrifice. We just want to do our part. In a way you can say the Army has ruined us against the selfishness of the world. We do our job because we love it and want to serve. There is no place for selfishness on what we do, and I love my fellow Soldiers for it!

  99. Annabelle says:

    Beautiful!!!! Absolutely beautiful! Thank you, Courtney. (And that Amy Carmichael quote brings me to tears…) :) Love, blessings, and shalom, Annabelle

  100. Thank you for posting this! I too often get caught up in my own selfish will and desires and begin to think its too hard to follow God or read His word or do His will. You have been an inspiration this week and God has used you to bring some things to light in my life. Thank you for being God’s tool.

  101. I know I’m late to the party on this post, but I just want to let you know that what you’re doing IS making a difference. I forget how I was introduced to your blog, probably through one of my “nutty Christian friends” I used to call them (I considered myself a Christian but haven’t been living even remotely close to that way), and when I started reading it I thought you were nuts too. I didn’t leave any hateful comments, but I sure thought them. But something kept making me come back, I think it was your happiness and contentment and how some of the things you said really weighed on me even if I didn’t want to admit that they had that affect. As I started really walking with Christ, which I still struggle with, I realized how right you’ve been about so many things that I previously rejected (like the whole submission thing!) So, just know that you ARE reaching some of those people. Maybe not every single one who says something nasty, but you’re reaching some of them.

  102. Stephanie W says:

    Courtney, I love how you keep it so real! Not sure how you knew my exactly dilemma…lol! This is right on time!! Thank you!!

  103. Thank you for this post. I’m 47. My kids are grown and married. Jesus has shown me so much lately about wasting time and material possessions. I no longer want to waste time and go shopping or waste any money. I just want to serve Him. I want to lay my life down and follow wherever He leads. I am ruined. Thank you for you blog.

I love hearing what is on your heart.

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