Last November, I sat back and assessed my life and determined – this blog –this “Women Living Well” thing, has changed my life…At first –it seemed to be changing it for the better. It was so fulfilling to be able to connect with women and exchange encouragement. But then it all morphed.
Numbers, stats, hate mail, drama, expectations, insults, stress, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and all sorts of other ugly things came along side this great joy in ministry. And when I took a break in November I was thinking – What have I done to my life?
Then, over Christmas, I read in a book about D.L. Moody, the amazing Evangelist and founder of the college I attended, and how he said – once he met Jesus, he was “ruined”. Everything changed for him. He could no longer pursue the wordly things he once pursued.
In Isaiah 6, Isaiah says he is “ruined”. What ruined him?
1In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3And they were calling to one another:“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;the whole earth is full of his glory.”4At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.5“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”6Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”8Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
When Isaiah saw God the Almighty King– he cried out that he was ruined. He was forever changed. And when the Lord was looking for a man to send – Isaiah could not resist answering the call: “Here I am. Send me!”
Blogging has not ruined my life, but seeing God and knowing him intimately –has ruined me for this world’s purposes. This realization explains for me some of my frustrations in life. It’s really my own selfish desires battling with God’s call on my life to write.
I cannot sit and sip coffee and read good books only for my own pleasure. I cannot stare at the television every evening while precious minutes fly by. Time is short. I have seen God in his Word and I must pursue his will. I cannot allow myself to be drawn into excessive sleeping and eating and exercise and pursue all my own whimiscal desires – because I know. I know the love and power and grace of God and I must share it!
And that God, the one that Isaiah saw, who sits seated on a throne high and exalted with angels surrounding him…whose voice causes the doorposts to tremble…whose holiness no one can match. That God speaks to me in his Word every morning and he woos me to answer the call, “Whom shall I send?”
I’m reminded of the noble missionary Amy Carmichael – who gave up her comfortable life to go to the mission field. I have written in my 2007 prayer journal this quote she penned:
“The night I sailed for China, March 3, 1893 my life, on the human side, was broken, and it was never mended again. but he has been enough.”
If you know Jesus personally – you’ve been ruined too my friend!
We can’t pursue our own selfish desires! We must humbly surrender to the life he has called us to – no matter how uncomfortable it makes us at times.
Now the decision is up to us…how will we answer his call?
“Sorry God, I’m kind of tired and feel like sipping coffee and reading a good book.”
“Here I am, Send me!”
Are you in a tug of war these days between your flesh and obedience? Me too!
There’s only one way to win this battle – open God’s word and Behold,– the Glory of our God.
Worthy is the Lamb.