Have You Lost Your Edge?
The end of 2012 was really hard for me. In November, I had a little meltdown late one night as my husband and I talked about life. I started crying and just couldn’t stop – which is very unlike me. I think I cried for over an hour. I was simply exhausted and the idea of adding my Christmas to-do list to homeschooling and blogging and book edits — completely overwhelmed me.
Of course, it was all so clear for my husband that I should just put the blog on hold till after the book edits were complete (they were due January 2nd to Thomas Nelson) and until Christmas was over (seems reasonable right?)…but that was VERY hard for me to do. I had tons of Christmas posts lined up in my mind!!! And I wanted to share the holiday season with you all!
But I took my husband’s advice and abruptly went on a bloggy break.
Once the noise of the on-line world was silenced…I could see a lot of things in my personal life that needed to be dealt with. I needed to be praying more. Period. My 2012 prayer journal was pathetically empty…pages and pages and pages of my 5 Subject Notebook that is typically bursting full with life at the end of the year EMTPY! What in the world? I’ve been prayer journaling for nearly 20 years and never had I had such a pathetic year of prayer!
I needed to be exercising again. I needed to be reading good books for my own soul – not just to review and promote on the blog. I needed to be a better friend to my real-life friends. Part of my evening of sobbing to my husband hinged on the fact that two of my dearest long time friends had painfully difficult years this past year and I was not there for them. I was so busy on-line that I did not take them a meal or write them encouragement notes. I prayed for them and hugged them and listened to them. But I in no way served them or was there for them. I regret this…and fear gripped me as I realized if I keep living like I did in 2012, I will have no real-life friends!!!
As January rolled around on the calendar, I realized…I had lost my edge. My exhaustion sucked the life and passion out of me to do ministry. All I wanted to do was play, eat, sleep, exercise and read good books. Writing was the last thing on the list I wanted to do…and then I read 2 Kings 6.
It’s a strange story tucked right into 2nd Kings and it was wondrously applicable – I mean REVOLUTIONARY to me! Some of you may remember that I wrote about my need to “sharpen my axe“. I knew I was feeling dull but I was worse off than I thought…I wasn’t just dull – my edge was gone!
And I just wonder…have you lost your edge too? Maybe it’s not from blogging…but maybe it’s from parenting a difficult teen or being up late at night with your babies or maybe you are a missionary on the mission field and ministry has sucked the life out of you too.
Maybe you are in a church where very few serve and there’s a lot of takers and you are tired of giving. Maybe you are stressed out, your calendar is too full, your bank statement is depressing or you are trapped in a circumstance that frustrates you. Your hope is gone and the spark you once had has fizzled. Maybe your heart for the lost or the poor or the sick or the needy has hardened or grown cold. And you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.
Whatever it is that has caused you to lose your edge – listen to this story out of 2nd Kings!
(If you cannot see this video – click here)
If you’ve lost your edge, go into a room alone and close the door. Get on your knees and ask the Lord to supernaturally bring it back.
I have been daily praying,
“Oh Lord, bring back my edge…”
Ps. I may have lost my edge – but Good Morning Girls is ON FIRE!!! Our Bible study in the book of Luke is about to begin (the 8 week winter session begins Monday, Jan. 14th). We have thousands of women enrolled and the FREE ebook and Bible reading plans have now been translated into EIGHT different languages!!! Cue the confetti and cartwheels! God is amazing! He is doing an amazing work around the world over at GMG! If your first language is Hungarian, Russian, Swedish, Dutch, German, Spanish, Croatian or French hop on over to GoodMorningGirls.org and get your materials in your OWN language FREE!!!!
I too feel like I am just going through the motions – several of the “maybe you are”s described me pretty well. The good news ( i guess…..) is that I have felt like this before, and I know it isn’t a permanent thing. When it happens I just keep praying, plodding, and plugging away…..I’m glad you were able to let yourself take a break – you have to take care of yourself!
I love your perspective – you are SO right – it is not permanent. Sometimes we have to just push through it. I have 100% faith that he will see me through! He’s so good like that – always faithful!!!
Wow, I can so relate to this! I just had a mini-meltdown this week. We put way too much pressure on ourselves! Thank God for awesome husbands, and that we have the insight to heed their wisdom.
So glad I’m not alone on the mini-meltdowns lol!!! And yes – listening to our husband’s advice is so important. They really can see our blind spots so much better than we can.
Courtney, you never cease to AMAZE me. You keep showing me how to be more in-tune in my life with my husband, children, friends and church responsibilities. Thank you for showing me how to get re-focused and work on balance in my life too! You are wonderful and I WISH I was one of your “real life” friends!! I would bring you yummy dinners when you felt discouraged, tired or stressed. We could be great friends! ( I really think so anyway 😉
Oh – I wish we could be friends too – especially with those yummy dinners you want to bring – I’m SO in lol! You are so sweet! Thanks for the encouragement tonight!!!
Beautiful and poignant, and I can relate in my own way, especially this past year! I cried and cried during and after Christmas celebrations. I didn’t want the all-fun part to end! I worked on a contingent basis in 2012, very hopeful and exited about my new job (still am, hope springs eternal) but I did not make a penny the whole year of 2012. Most of this news came around the holidays and two instances came in while I was home for a family funeral. I had never been exhausted/frustrated in the way I had been this year.
And, my prayers have slacked. My empathy has lacked. I love baking and giving away goodies at Christmas but it was such a chore this year. I let myself run out of time trying to work which led to thoughts of, why am I bothering I’m not going to make a sale anyway? Truth is, I was resentful the whole time and I look back with remorse.
But your advice is the best advice for times like these and the only true thing. God is the strength of our heart and our portion forever!
Oh Heidi – I’m so sorry about the financial side of your new job – ugh – how frustrating! And I know what you are saying about slacking and lacking. We all need to lean hard on Jesus in 2013 – he is our strength and portion – amen!
Thank you for sharing – It helps to know that others who are ‘strong Christians’ sometimes feel overwhelmed, too… ;-} I’ve been struggling with that of late and had felt quite alone in feeling thus…
Lynden – you are NOT alone! We are all mere humans – if only we were bionic right? lol! When we are overwhelmed it’s good to take a step back and assess and pray. I’m saying a prayer right now for you.
Hi Courtney, thank you for your honesty.Right now my spirits are up, up, up, and I am just overflowing with joy, but I know there will be a time that I could have a meltdown too! We all need to cling to the Lord whether we’re up or down. I remember when I was crying and crying because I had several mouthsores and I could not talk and could not sing, and I love to sing to the Lord! My sister in our Christian community texted me 3 times a verse about praising the Lord. At first it was, “How can I praise Him at this time?” But after the third text (and she did not even know what I was undergoing) I managed to praise the Lord and after fell into a deep sleep and was able to rest. Whatever we are undergoing, we need to be able to find our voice of praise! God bless you! patsy
How I needed to hear this! I have tears and have been moved to my knees so thank you.
In 2011 I felt on fire, so much went right for me and I had a great year. i even managed to lose 28 kilos!! 2012 was the opposite, i became sick and had many challenges and put 20 kilos back on. For the last couple of months I’ve felt quite down and have lacked energy and enthusiasm. I’ve been fighting to get back into my life and feeling like myself again and I think, like you, it’s slowly happening. I am reminded that its not us who can take credit for the good things and we are completely reliant on God.
I support you 100% and think you are amazing. I’m so happy for you that you had a rest and could spend important and much-needed time with God.
I’m so looking forward to the next study!
Praise God, for working your restoration – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” May you continue to be a blessing!
Courtney – thanks for this message. My edge is definitely gone…along with my will/desire to pray for God’s help. I hate to even admit that, but it’s the truth. I long for a deep relationship with my Savior, but I can’t seem to get out of my way…
Praying for you Melanie. Trust him. He’s there. Seek him, he will answer.
I’m so thankful for this post. It’s like you’ve read my heart. So many women feel this way. You’ve encouraged me to fall back on my knees and back in love with Jesus…. It’s time for me to take a break from being Martha and just be Mary for awhile. Thank you for your transparency. It’s a blessing!
Hi Courtney, Thank you so much for sharing this and for the reminder that we are responsible for caring for ourselves when our lives are out of balance… this happens with so many women, especially during the holidays . I’m speaking for myself now but I’ve heard other Christian women speak of putting on a happy face when they are overwhelmed in order to appear strong in their community, when the truth is… anyone can be vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed by life…
Thank you so much for this post!!! I am a newer believer (2 years) and I came across your blog on what I thought was an accident. I recently felt I lost my passion for Christ and after feeling that I was in the worse place I felt God tell me to hold out and keep faith. I’m slowly getting my passion back and I truly thank you for this post and for all you do!! I pray that you get your edge soon!
This couldn’t have come at a better time for me (made me cry because you know exactly how I feel). The end of 2012 was very hard on me. I lost my Daddy on November 26 while at the same time dealing with health issues in our 12 year old son; issues we are still trying to have diagnosed (thankfully nothing life-threatening). And on top of all of that, still having children’s ministry responsibilities with my husband who is the Children’s Pastor of our church. Thankfully, two precious friends stepped up and took over the children’s Christmas program for me. There are days I feel so overwhelmed that I just cry in my husband’s arms during our prayer time together. I’m a SAHM and homeschool as well and so yes, I do feel like I have lost my edge. Believe me, I have been crying out to God. I should be in bed now, but I’m glad that the Lord led me to your blog tonight because I know He wanted to speak these words of encouragement through you. I’m going to look up that story in 2 Kings and ponder it in my heart along with your words of encouragement. God bless you and I’ll be praying for you as well to get your edge back as you walk with the King. Before I close, I want to tell you how excited I am about our Luke study…I’m in an online group of Pastor’s wives who I’ve never personally met, but all of them have come to be dear to me. We’ve been together since our Colossians study and formed our group off of the GMG message board. Thank you again!
Abiding in Him,
I feel like God is speaking this verse to us worn-down women from Ecclesiastes 3:
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Amen! Love these verses!
Wow, this gives me the chills! Earlier today I had a mini-meltdown, as well! LOL 🙂 I am a mom of 3 young children with another one on the way, I homeschool my oldest child, and my husband is gone for 15 hours/day as he works to complete his degree (he is amazing!! he does all this while battling some severe health problems simultaneously!). I am a very thankful person, I know the Lord has given us so much, but some days I feel so isolated and alone. We moved thousands of miles away from our family and friends to be where we are now. And while I was crying, my husband said to me, “Remember Ecclesiastes…there are seasons to everything in life, and this is one of those seasons where it is harder….” So amazing to come here just a little while later and see this very Scripture passage being mentioned here as the balm for the very same ailment! 🙂 The Lord is just amazing! He is so faithful and so good and knows just what we need to hear at the perfect time! 🙂
You are your ministry are in my prayers. You are great source of encouragement for me and want to encourage you to keep on going! When I feel dull or like my hearts not in it I “keep on keepin’ on” and know that the God who has brought me through so many horrific things will definitely bring me out of these times as well. Everything has a purpose, these feelings you are experiencing mean something. Your job is to pray and listen for what God is telling you is your next step. I pray you get your edge back and come back sharper than ever! Until then know that you are being prayed for, God Bless!
Hello, I a newbie to your blog but I love your vision. So here I am, when I read your blog I understand where you’re coming from. And what I’ve done is went on a Fast. Not just to jump start my year but I believe that this year is the year for us believers to win souls, and prayer is so necessary, so The Lord had me go on this fast to enhance my prayers and get even stronger in his word. So I don’t know if this helps any, I
Pray it does but I just thought I share the journey I’m taking that will help you in your prayer time.
Love, Prayer Warrior for Christ!!!
This was beautiful and so needed in my life right now. Thanks for sharing…I love your heart.
Thank you for sharing so beautifully and honestly. I have just been blogging for a couple of months now, and I already hit the point where the things that are really important, like my family and homely duties, were falling by the wayside while I pursued growing my blog.
I had to ask myself some really deep and hard questions. I got to the point where I thought that even if I devote “x” amount of hours to my blog a week, surely if those “x’ amount of hours were spent praying, my family and home would be totally different and more pleasing to the Lord.
I went back to blogging after a week or so, and my focus was totally different. I prayed ALOT more, and things were good. But to be honest, I do have to watch myself not to fall back too heavily into it.
May the Lord give us His vision, and allow us to invest in each area of our lives to the measure that He has ordained in each.
God bless you as you abide in Him, Courtney!
God gave this message to me through you! It is exactly what I needed to hear this week. Thank you!
Oh how I do understand you! Guess I am just missing out the meltdown thing this time… (notice the “this time”…). Love your bible teaching and will mark that story in read in my bible right away! Guess there will be more times to read it.
Oh my goodness, it is more like you were seeing what is in my heart. My edges indeed have been die for two years plus now, in and out of frustration, being mean to my hubby and prayerless I do not know how I have survived up to thus far but indeed His grace kept me as He lifted my head each. Many expected more from me to a point where felt like the fig tree that Jesus cursed because I felt empty. Until I read 2Peter1:5-8, that I need to make effort to add to my faith and I joined Women living well to download the Prov31 ebook. My life is being refreshed. Thank you.
Yep, been there …. well, actually I *am* there. I practically stopped blogging a couple of months ago. I went from seeing *everything* around me so ‘amazing’ and ‘wonderful’ and ‘couldn’t wait to put it down on paper (on the screen)’ …. to … *sigh* ‘I just can’t be bothered any more’. I am thankful that I *do* still see the wonder around me, but I just can’t seem to get the oomph to get it onto my blog any more. I do hope it’s not permanent. I have met people through my blog that have honestly been such an amazing blessing to me.
My blog has a FB page, which I’ve kept up. I seem happy writing ‘little snippets’ on FB, so meanwhile, that’s where I’ll stay.
….. I guess even you are human!
Blessings, Anne x
How Beautiful! I see the great work of our God in your life! I too have experienced these same types of seasons. It is so painful (humbling) when God allows us to experience our own weakness; but it is necessary. I see Him emptying His church of “self” and filling her with His HOLY Spirit! What absolute Joy to be filled with God Himself!!! This is the only real strength we know!!!
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing part of your weakness with us, it allows us to see God’s Beautiful Strength!
Rejoicing with you,
What an inspiration, Courtney! Thank you so much for sharing! I wish you didn’t have such a hard time, but your story is so encouraging to me, a Sahm of 3, ages 6, 3, and a teething 9 month old.
I just read through that passage in 2 Kings, and something else stood out to me: verse 3 the servants asked Elisha to go with them and he did. God, too, is available to us, going with us wherever we go. And when we ask Him to be a part of our lives, that is when the miracles happen, when we cry out to Him, (verse 5), He acts on our behalf. Then, He says, “Take it up for yourself”. We must take the gifts He gives, own them, use them, and be thankful for them.
Great passage! God is using you in so many ways. Thank you again! I pray that God continues to bless you and your family! Big hugs!!
Mandy – thank you so much for sharing your insights on the passage. Your points are so encouraging. I had not considered how Elisha tells him to take it up yourself! I saw it in the passage – but I had not applied it to me and Yes- maybe this is all I need to do now. Take it up and go forward… Thank you so much for pointing this out!!!
Thank you, Courtney! That was a much-needed encouragement.
Courtney, your transparency is beautiful….we have all been there at some point in life and they are good lessons to learn. In Psalm 38 this morning I read, “Lord, all my desire is before You. And my sighing is not hidden from You.” It’s a song about putting our sin (or failures) before the Lord…but aah, He knows our desires are before Him. Your life is a living testimony to honor Him…each day His compassion fails not, and His mercies are renewed each morning…drink in His compassion and mercies…you are changing lives through your writing and non- writing. Smiles. Jennifer
Sweet sister in the Lord,
I have felt like the words of my heavenly Father have fallen fresh upon my weary soul today. Reading your heart thoughts, was like reading my own confession from 2012! Yet, our Father beautifully speaks to both of our weary hearts (and many others) through 2Kings 6. Thank you for sharing this sweet refreshment with us, it was truly balm to my soul. I am mentally drained from the good works I truly believe the Lord has blessed my hubby and I to do in serving. This gave me strength to get down on my knees, and you don’t know how grateful I am for that.
Please let me (and others) know how we may pray for you. I know from experience coming back with a renewed desire that the enemy will step up his game plan. I will pray that you may be aware of his schemes.
Oh, and with friends… A tip that has been working for me. Sundays I will write on my church bulletin anyone the Lord has brought to mind and Monday morning during my quiet time, I take time to write cards and mail them. Yes, snail mail… But you know, snail mail blesses me so now I am blessing others. I have even started getting my kiddos involved if they have a friend or grandparent.
Oh Courtney, how I needed to hear this. You might be the Elijah that God used to help the process of doing the supernatural in bringing my edge back. When you took your bloggy break in December, I followed suit. But the Lord had to do it the hard way in my life. My whole house got sick- Including ME! I realized I needed the same break (my blog is a newly started one, so it was really consuming some time.) Thank you so much for your honesty and the fact that you bring the Word. Looking forward to getting in the Word with you at GMG this winter, and making my time in the Word a top priority that the rest of my life can flow out of.
I am so there with ya! I took a blog break around the same time you did and I too had a bunch of Christmas plans for my blog.
It is amazing to see how much God has worked in the span of a few weeks. He is amazing!!
God definitely will do supernaturally what you can’t in the natural.
As I got up this morning to prepare to get back into my own writing groove, i found this beautiful morsel of wisdom in my inbox! How good God is to always give us just what we need to go forward in our journey with Christ! I want to thank you for allowing yourself to be that vessel for that message to come through. Of the course of my break in December I too realized that something was missing…my passion was struggling to stay alive and my energy was was just about completely gone. Not only had I lost my edge, but I had forgotten where I left the sword! As soon as I acknowledged that truth however, there was the Father, as always, standing in the midst of it all holding out His Hand with the solution! It never ceases to amaze me! God is always there…in the midst of the truth with the perfect solution…waiting patiently for us to make our way there and acknowledge that truth really exists! Far too often we suffer needlessly simply because we are tireless working to deny the truth. When simply saying “yes, this exists” can ease a world of pain. I’m just so grateful that He Loves us the way He does and is standing ready to forgive and heal at all times! Baruch HaShem!~
Good for you, Courtney, for you and your husband seeing that you were starting to burnout. The constant stimulation of all things online is huge, and as a pastoral counselor and avid blogger, I fear we’re only seeing the beginning, of women in particular, getting fried by the incessant, addictive pull of screens …
I truly believe our obsession is growing, even though we say it’s all for Jesus
May He give your soul and body rest. You are modeling something very important and urgent for your followers … as much as I enjoy your blog, I say take your time in returning! Choose 1 ministry and do it well, dear lady …
Courtney, thank u for being “real”.
I am daily challenged by you! And thanks for letting us all know that it is ok to “go and get refreshed” or “take a break”!
Right now, with God’s grace, I will focus more on keeping my priorities in order, keep those boundaries set, and grow in Him! Each day is a challenge, but my desire is that I impact my children in my daily life (and that means discipling myself in certain areas).
Love ya and know that I am praying for YOU!
Chosen by Him,
Courtney, so so glad that you took some time off, and found your edge and shared it with us ; ) I really needed this encouragement, and I am so glad you shared the story in video form with us, because I think I might have read that and gone “wha?” and not really even got it. I am feeling like I am spinning my wheels something fierce these days. I don’t know what it is. I feel like there is so much I want to do, but can’t get there. I am trusting in Gods timing, knowing that right now with 3 teens and 1 tween in my house and a husband that is overloaded at work that God wants them to be my priority, but sometimes that frustrates me….I love them so, but what about me…spin spin spin. After reading this and listening to the story I realize I have lost my edge as a mom, and maybe even as a friend. I need to be better at choosing to be joyful in the work God has given me to do now. Much love & many blessings, Sheila
Thank you so much, Courtney. So appreciate your honesty and relatability and faith. I will be praying for you.
God is working so strongly through you! I am doing the online Bible study of the book “Greater” by Steven Furtick. We are on Chapter 10 “Where Did it Fall?”, and it is pretty much centered on just this story in 2 Kings 6. He discusses how everyone has times in their lives when they lose their edge–that striving for God’s greater life is not a contiuous climb upward to the more glorious, but a daily determination to make radical steps of obedience.
Sometimes, life gets in the way of our determination. We lose our edge, and we can’t get it back on our own–we must cry out for help from the One who always wants us to get our edge back. We can pick up right where we lost it–there is no condemnation or starting over required. God wants to help us get our fire, our passion, our edge, back–we just have to want to find it again, and be obedient to Him, even if we don’t like what He tells us to do. If we have to ask Him 50 times in the same day, He will meet us there.
God clearly wants me to take in this story and write it on my heart. You did what you needed to do to pick up the axe head when God made a way to find it. I need to do the same in some areas of my life, too.
I am asking for prayers in one step of obedience I am taking this weekend–I am driving to the Chicago area to audition for The Voice–I have been told that I am a great singer, but I have let doubt and the negativity of others keep me from doing anything more than singing when our Deaf church occasionally joins a hearing church.
God has been speaking to me about using my gift–as you are using yours–to reach other people, encourage them, maybe even lead some to Christ who haven’t met Him yet. So, I am going to take a very radical step of obedience (2 1/2 hours in the car, a tank of very expensive gas, $13 to park by the conference center and an unfamiliar, possibly all-day audition process) to see what comes of this. I would LOVE to have a BUNCH of prayers. I am to report there at 2 PM central time this Saturday, January 12. The result is in His hands.
Thank you for following Him! Congratulations on getting your edge back!
Carissa in eastern Iowa
Courtney, thank you for your encouragement and wisdom that you share here. I think what calls so many of us to your blog is that we feel as though in real life we could all sit down over pots of coffee and snacks at the kitchen table and talk for hours. 🙂 I love that you shared how important your prayer journal has been to you (though you fell away some this year). In December I began my first journal…. I use it in my Quiet Time to keep me focused. And now that I’ve been at it a month, I’m already seeing how awesome it is to see God’s answers. My focus this year is to make my Quiet Times a non-negotiable first thing before I speak to anyone else. I have always fallen away from that (trying to sneak it in later in the day). And already….. it is giving me MY edge back. 🙂
Thank you for being so REAL! In day to day life we seem to be in a comparison game, and even more so in blog land. In a conversation that I had with a dear friend this week we talked about how great it was that we could share without condemnation. Not that we are glad to see our sisters struggle, we find comfort in knowing that we are not out on a boat all alone. We have sisters that are there with us and if we would just open up to them we could be of so much more encouragement.
As Christians we seem to think that we should always have it all together…… not so…. at least not with me. I have to have the Lord to lean on and to get me through.
Thank you for sharing your heart! I am sure you will touch many lives by sharing this as well as how God gives you victory and sharpens your edge as never before!!!!
As soon as I read the last word, and with tears in my eyes, I got down on my knees to pray. Right in front of the dining room picture window, beside my desk, I kneed to pray that God would help sharpen my edge again. Thank you for being REAL, for being HONEST, for sharing your struggles…because it helps those of us who have struggles as well. It makes us feel less alone and makes us realize NO ONE is perfect and we all need God’s love. Thank you Courtney!!! May he sharpen all our edges!
I think it is the “year-end” blues! 🙂 We have had a full year and like most of life, the longer you are at something the easier it is to let things slide (like priorities and perspective!) Thank God for the New Year, which like his daily mercies, is a fresh time to re-evaluate and re-prioritize. God has a way of leaving us to ourselves and there is misery in that! But He is there to pick us up and establish our goings again as soon as we turn back to Him for guidance and deliverance.
I am glad you wrote this post. It is real and reflective of what many of us are feeling and have felt at the end of this year. I had several very serious and personal things going on in my life also at the end of this past year and felt just like you did! But already the Lord has given me that peace that passes all understanding and I praise Him for it!! Praying for you!
thanks! I needed this… with my 5th pregnancy and dealing with teenagers and a 3 year old. I am a emotional roller coaster. thanks sooo much hug!
Such a TIMELY post…thank you!!! I have made a commitment to spend more time in the word and journal more so I can really start to hear what the Lord is telling me. Right now, he’s telling me that there is HOPE for those that wait and that He is FAITHFUL and will not let me down. Thank you so much for your encouragement and inspiration! Blessings to you!
I have been in bed with a relapse of the flu, I have not been able to leave my home for over a week. Last month after Thanksgiving I was down for almost 4weeks with it. I have only been able to make to church a few times, I have not been able to make it to my Women’s bible study at all. When I got this for the second time I felt some depression start to creep in with it. Wondering why I was sick again but thankful it was something that would pass in a few weeks. Yesterday I had a AHHHH moment in realizing I have not been taking care of myself spiritually or physically. When God started speaking and revealing somethings to me it was wonderful and hurtful all at the same time. When I say hurtful it was not Him it was me. Things that I was putting in front of Him and His kingdoms purpose in my life. I help with the Women’s ministry team and sing on the worship team, which is wonderful and I love…but I have been so wrapped up in that, that I have slipped through and almost feel like I have lost myself somewhere in the mix. Lost my passion for Him and listening to Him. As I sat yesterday thinking, the passion I had once before felt distant. How could I have let it get this way? As I prayed and listen I could start to feel it again. It is not going to be easy but there are things that I will have to put aside for awhile, while I am getting my “edge back” I want it be restored and sharpened like never before! I will be praying for you… Blessings!
Courtney, thank you sweet sister for this reminder. When I was being mentored I was told to be careful of taking on too much in regards to ministries and serving God. I didn’t understand at the time because of my new excitement in following and having a relationship with God. I just wanted to be everywhere and do everything. As years went by I surely understand “The Losing Your Edge” thing. This world calls us to be SuperWomen, we Multi-task. Yet I discovered like you when we STOP and RE-FOCUS from the never ending circle of life and sit and spend time with Lord Jesus we SEE his perspective and what HE so desires for us to FOCUS on. The things that REALLY, TRULY MATTER IN THIS LIFE. LIVING, PLEASING, REFLECTING, FOLLOWING HIS ways, HIS desires AND FOCUSING on ONE thing and serving HIM well in it. One thing, not all things. God Bless!
This message came at the perfect timing. I have lost my edge too! I was serving in the women’s ministry at my church and just got burned out. I’m taking a break, praying that God will sharpen me, and give me His guidance for the direction I am supposed to take. Thank you for sharing with us! Have a joy-filled day!
Thank you for this! Great thoughts! I seem to have mini meltdowns so much more frequently since I’ve had to step into the role of serving my husband by doing the bookwork for his/our business. It’s hard to manage everything as it is and I so desperately want to be missionally focused, but it’s stressful to think about when to add anything else to my schedule. God has been speaking similar things to my heart about focusing on Him, His word, and prayer.
Your blog is such an encouragement! Thank you for being transparent and sharing your sweet heart and Biblical insights! Many blessings to you!
Thank you for this post. I have been feeling realy depressed and high anxiety and cant get out of this rut. I did a bible studey on Discontentment and it makes great sense why we get like this but it seems so how to turn our thinking the right way. I pray and pray but i think i am so frustrated in my sistuation that I feel so lost. Thank you for this post.
Thank you for being so transparent. What an encouragement to know that I am not the only one feeling this way right now!
I have been reading a parenting book with my children’s ministry team at church called Spiritual Parenting (I highly recommend it). The book speaks of 10 environments we should have in our homes to model Christ and open our children to allow the Holy Spirit to work in them. It mentions at one point how God draws us nearer to Him during our trials and through these times we often have amazing spiritual growth. From a parenting perspective, we know that as mothers we want to naturally protect our children from pain. However, the book states, “If I know that spiritual growth comes out of my painful trials, why do I try to protect my children from similar experiences? Why would I want to keep my children from the very things that I know, firsthand, will grow their faith in God and their dependence on Christ?” One of the environments in the book is modeling – modeling for our children what having a relationship with God is like. We can’t give away something we don’t have, after all.
This trial you are going through is being used by God to make you a stronger Christian. How you’re handling it with openness and faith is and example to other believers such as myself who is in that same boat with you right now and, maybe even more importantly, as a model for your children. They can see through you that you’ve hit a dry spot in your faith right now, but you’re pressing on and determined to reach the goal. This is by far a better example of walking with the King than a million words could ever say.
Praise God that these times are temporary, but praise God we have these times!
Hi Courtney! I am so glad that you took the break you needed, but am also glad you are back 🙂 After reading your post, I was hoping that sometime you could explain how you set up and use your prayer journal. I could use some inspiration in this area. Thanks, Cathy
Thank you Courtney. I really needed this. I am currently 8 months pg with my 7th child. The others are 2 1/2, 3 1/2, 5,6,7, and 15. I homeschool all but the eldest, (this is the first year I haven’t). I am literally at the end of my rope! talk about losing your edge, I really feel like I am watching my axe head sink faster than I can realize it’s gone. This was very encouraging, so I thank you for using your gift to encourage!
Thank you…this post spoke to my heart…simply and plainly…it was EXACTLY what I needed to read. Thank you and may our Lord bless and keep your family in 2013!
This is exactly why I slowed down blogging before Christmas and will probably keep it slow. I had to refocus on what ( and where) my ministry in this season of life is. Real needs at home and in our church needed my availability and attention which was being given to my blog instead. Blessings to you, Courtney!
Just this morning I was reading with my two little ones (ages 2 1/2 and 11v mo) out of God’s word and the scripture for today was about Nehemiah 2:11-4:23 and the memory verse was “Let us not become weary in doing good.” Gal 6:9. I pray you find rest and refreshment from Him to renew your ministry!
In His Grip,
PS – will you be resuming Wed link-ups?
Thank you for being real!! With dealing with life,I feel like this is where I am at. I am going through the motions and cannot even absorb or focus when I read to help myself.
The story you used is perfect….I have read that so many times and never seen it that way!!
Thanks again and God Bless!!
I’ve been where you are….I’m actually kindof there as we speak. I too and a homemaker, homeschooler, and servant in the church. the pressure of life wears on us, especially around the holidays. The Lord is always reminding me that my first ministry is home. Thank you so much for your honesty! Dont ever hesitate to to take a break, or many breaks if that what you need. I think your transparency is honorable. Women need to be real with each other, otherwise we are prone to compare.
God bless you!
THANK YOU for listening to God’s call to take a bloggy break for a while! I know that was a blessing to your family. THANK YOU for returning now and sharing with so many people what is on your heart – what you are learning and thinking in a real honest way.
Thank you for all you do. I couldn’t see the video and “click here” didn’t work. Is it my computer? Just wanted you to know in case it’s something that might be causing a problem for others. I’ll just read the passage.
I think we all feel this way once in a while. My cure is starting every day after prayer and singing to myself, especially in the car – “Make me a servant” or something similar – my voice isn’t great, but singing to myself does seem to help. The reminder keeps me on track and opens my eyes. Stopped spur of the minute today to say “hello” and give a refrigerator magnet calendar to the security guy at the bank and got in return a heart-breaking story of why last year was hard and this year doesn’t look at lot better. I think I was supposed to talk to him, although this certainly isn’t going to lead to a home sale. He needed to tell his story and I was there to listen.
Thank you for sharing this! These are the words I have been looking for to describe myself this past year. As Chair of our Personnel Committee at church for the past two years (one more to go), I have emotionally and spiritually struggled with the sides of people I have seen. That on top of cutting back work hours in order to be present for my children has caused a financial strain. I feel emotionally hardened. I now have the words to accurately describe what I feel and the words to pray.
Thank you for writing. I have been praying … feeling the need to just stop.. to re-group ..and though I would not say I’m burnt out but losing my edge sure described it. He answers sweetly and always directs us to what He wants us to read or hear and I’m so happy He led me to this post!
May God bless you and yours and may He continue to build you up in Him and expand your ministry and influence for His Kingdom 🙂
God bless you!
What if I want a new edge? I have definitely lost my edge, but I don’t want the same edge. I’m ready to move into the next phase I have been prayerfully waiting for from God. 🙂 Glad to see you back!
I needed this. I have been feeling something and just couldn’t put a name to it and you just described it to a tee. I have been playing super woman for so long I don’t know who I am anymore. Thank you for the direction! God gives you what you need when you are available to receive it and I receive it.
Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I want to quickly share with you that I do understand the need to be “recharged.” For the last 8 years I have been the VBS Director at our church plus other children’s ministries. I seriously LOVE VBS. Two years ago, once VBS was over, we moved through the rest of summer and through the fall. Christmas came with LOTS of church events. When January rolled around, I told everyone that I has hibernating- I needed a break. Forunately living in Northwestern Pennsylvania, the weather helped me stay home. I took time to do things at home that had been negelcted. But I asked God if I was serving him where he wanted me to be serving and if not to show where my passion was. What he gave me was the ENTIRE VBS Curriculm to write. I have written the past 2 years curriculms, but I have also found that it is very important to REST. Even God rested on the 7th day. I do miss your blog, but it HAS to be something that you enjoy doing and that you have the energy to do. May God Bless you while you rest in him:)
Thanks for your honesty! Your blog has been such a blessing to my life since I found it about a year or so ago, and I am so thankful that you are seeking God and getting closer to Him. 🙂 I am glad that you are back to blogging though; I think we all missed you during your break, but I’m glad your personal passion w/God is back. I had lost mine for a while too and had too take a small break and get closer w/God too. 🙂 Blessings, Lauren, lholmes79.wordpress.com
This entry is like the light at the end of a tunnel. 2012 was a miserable year for my family, with the passing of my father in law, grandmother, my sister loosing her first child and learning my dads cancer was back. All hope was given up. I could have cared less about anything other then having my children fed and clothed. Relationships and my house suffered. I also learned my fate health wise. I had a serious of asthma attacks that landed me in the hospital and on bed rest for almost 3 months. I also found out I was a diabetic during that time. For 2013 I have decided that its time for ME to take back control over of my life. And thats the plan Im working on!
I love how God works. Literally JUST finished reading Chapter 10 in Greater by Steven Furtick… which is about losing your edge! Thank you for all of your hard work. I really enjoy GMG. Many blessings!
As I was thinking about this post today, I just kept thinking…”having a sharp axe makes us ready for battle.” I am on a refreshed journey with God lately, and the attacks have started (of course). Satan obviously wants us to be dull…that’s the best way he can reach the world I think. But when we allow God to sharpen our axe, it’s ready to shred Satan’s schemes. 🙂 So glad to see posts again!
Courtney, you spoke to my heart this morning. I hadn’t realized how much I have been feeling the same way as you. Rundown, overloaded, mind running a thousand miles and hour; even having mini-meltdowns. I believe that emotional and physical drainage can lead to spiritual drainage… and the only way to recover is to declutter our mind and lives. I always appreciate your encouragement and look forward to seeing how you grow from this experience. http://vintagewifeslife.blogspot.com/2013/01/encouragement-for-home.html
Thank you. I needed this challenge. Am praying for you.
This post is exactly what I needed to read. I knew that something was missing but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Now I know that I’ve lost my edge. I’ve lost the edge of who I am. I know that God is waiting on me and I’ve been dragging my feet going back to Him.
Thank you for your post. This is EXACTLY what I needed today. Now I know what I need to do.
By the way — Welcome Back! I sure did miss you 😉 But I’m super happy that you took the time that you needed.
Think on the small things.
I too am in 2 Kings. I am praying like Elisha for a double portion. Courtney I pray that He will anoint us with fresh oil. I declare a double portion of fresh oil as we minister in 2013.
Courtney, My husband and I have been in full-time missions work serving in the U.S. for almost 3 years now. In August God led us on a missions trip across this country which we are still in the middle of. We have some HOT irons in the fire ready to come out and as a result, Spiritual Warfare has ramped up, compounding my weariness being in places unfamiliar and not my own… trying to put various new projects in motion. I got on today to work on these projects… but I fizzled, like my edge has fallen in the water!
I have had your page up in my browser since Wednesday, waiting for a chance to come back and catch up on what WLW has in the works and your video was just the inspiration I needed… the Word you shared was water for my Spirit. Thank you for your humble service to the King and your ‘realness’ with those who look to you for their direction to God. May He richly bless your ministry this year.
I am off to pray… and then get back into IT!
Courtney, I am facing this recently as well. I know that God has opened many doors for me and my ministry, but I am not sure if I am to walk through all of the doors that have opened. I know that God wants us to rest as well and I have to learn that in 2013. My prayer journal and personal journal were not very full either because I was so busy “being online” while my life around me was falling apart. I believe that I must reprioritze my life in 2013 and come back to the reality that I have not been putting God or my family first. I pray that God will help us all this new year. I love your blog.
Thank you for sharing! I feel this way at times… Between teaching, blogging, and my wifely/motherly duties…life gets foggy. Good thing is that no matter what, God has a purpose and a plan if we just trust in him. My word for the year is TRUST… I pray that we can trust God’s will for our lives instead of rushing our own agenda. Thanks again for the honest words! You do a wonderful job here on WLW!
I am going to put Hebrews 12:1 into action – I am going to lay asisde every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and run with patience the race that is set before me.
I was in a meeting this week with several professional people from my community and out of 15 people there were 3 people who actually were “mentally there” with the rest trying to carry on conversations while checking out their email or facebook. Have our lives really been reducted to little electronic device we can hold in our hand – what about the faces in front of us?! Life is to short & precious to be so wrapped in up in nonsense.
No – I am not saying that email & facebook are sin but if I allow it keep up from doing what I am supposed to be doing then I think to need to reread James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
I am really speaking to myself here – I have neglected the good thing! Thanks for helping me to get back on track – I appreciate your “sharpening” skills!
Amazimg article and so true for me.I am going through a tough season having lost my home and living with family until we get back on our feet.
My meltdown happened recently and i actually
was thinking of ending my life.
As a wife and Mom i felt so overwhelmed but my good friend and Pst talked me out and encouraged me.
I now understand that i need Gods strength to endure lifes trials, as we all have our moments and that giving up is not an option as my family need me even if i don’t always feel that way.
Thank you for your blog Courtney it really makes a difference. 🙂
You are so right – we can not give up!! And what’s great to know is that God will not give up!! He says he will never forsake us. I am so thankful for his lvoe & his mercy on me. You are in my prayers.
Me TOO! I have the same melt down at the same time- for me it was a trip to disney world, my etsy store exploded, I was the leader of a play group that I was not feeling support from, and frankly my laundry pile wassky high. I shut down the store and stepped down from the play group- I feel renewed! Courtney, I just adore you and your encouragement and honest and grace! Thank you SO much for alll you do- I know we are not “real life” friends, but you have been there for me!
Thank you for your candor, for being willing to be real with us. It would be easy to give a good appearance but you have chosen the more difficult path and I so appreciate you for it and I know it pleases our Amazing God! You spoke to my heart today!
I stumbled onto your blog today through pinterest and it was perfect timing! I am so feeling this way, I feel like it is probably because I am pregnant for the first time and still in my first trimester, so every feeling I am having is amplified. However, I also feel like it is something more. I just moved across the country for the first time with my husband, who is in the Coast Guard, and I stopped teaching (my absolute favorite things to do) while I am pregnant and going to school to get my Master’s in education online. Moving, changing jobs, changing roles at home, being pregnant, going to school, and trying to become a part of a new church and community has built up over the past 8 months. However, God keeps speaking to me and I know deep in my soul that this is right for me now even if my flesh is screaming that it isn’t always what I would prefer. The joy I find in the adventure I am on with so many new things is far more exciting than stressful and overwhelming (as it can be sometimes). So good to read that other women are going through the same thing! 🙂 Thank you for writing this.
I love this! I needed this! Two little boys under the age of four and I’m exhausted!!! Going into the holidays this year we’ve already faced car issues, possible lay offs , and family stress. I just relish the message in this story! Thank You!