4 {Radical} Ways To Love Your Husband & Children

playful family hand in hand running in forest

The modern women of today, want it all.

We want husbands, children, college degrees, corner offices, a big house, weekends away with the girls, designer bags, a size zero waist, no wrinkles and to be –world travelers.

But keeping a family together in the midst of those pursuits…is tough.

Let’s face it – husbands and children get in the way.  Husbands take time, compromise, and energy to please.  Children stretch our waist lines and fill our designer bags with diapers and sippy cups – hardly the life we imagined.

And so when reality sets in that our husbands and children are “taking” things from us – things we so desperately desire – dreams, goals, time and money to pursue our interests…we can grow bitter.

And a bitter wife and mama – isn’t pretty.

Titus 2:3-5 says:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Today we want to focus on the first 2 things older women in the church are to teach younger women.

1.) To love their husbands.

2.) To love their children.

We might assume it’s natural to love our husband and children –but sadly it is not. We are born with a sin nature and loving our family the way God would have us love them – takes the power of Jesus in our lives transforming us and helping us to display the fruit of the Spirit.

Martha Peace says that a Titus 2 woman needs to teach the younger women “to think loving thoughts, hold her accountable to be kind and tenderhearted, teach her to express affection and delight in her children and teach her how to lovingly administer godly discipline.”

4 {Racical} Ways to Love Your Husband and Children 

1.) Think loving thoughts.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 says love is patient, kind, not rude or self-seeking, not easily angered and on and on the list goes.  I encourage you to read this passage (and memorize it).

We need to apply true genuine love in our homes.  This means when our husband is late –we are patient.  When our children misbehave — we do not scold them rudely.  When our husband needs our help –we are not self-seeking.  When our children disobey — we are not easily angered.  A Christian home should be warm and loving as we reflect the love of Jesus to our families.

2.) Be Kind and Tenderhearted.

Ephesians 4:31 & 32 tells us we are to put away all bitterness, anger and slander and be kind and tenderhearted.

When our husband or children push every last button – often we explode and what comes out is ugly.  Much verbal abuse is a result of bitterness, anger and slander…a {radical} woman of God exchanges these sinful traits with kindness, compassion and a tender heart.  Is your heart tender toward your family? Do you display compassion?  If you struggle with this, ask God to soften your heart and memorize Ephesians 4:31 & 32.

3.)  Express Affection and Delight in Your Husband and Children

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth– for your love is more delightful than wine.” (Song of Solomon 1:2)  Our husbands need our affection. They need us to hold their hand, rub their back, and greet them at the door with a smile and a kiss.  They need to know we don’t just love them but that we like them – we delight in them.  Have you done this lately?

Psalm 127:3 tells us “children are a gift from God”.  But some mothers have chosen to leave their children for a boyfriend or to chase their dreams –or worse they have aborted them.  Some women never leave the home but their hearts are far from their children.  The shell of the mom is there in their lives but she is not interested in getting on the floor and playing a game or listening to what is on her child’s mind. Others are so incredibly obsessed with making their children perfect, so they can look good, they push their children away.

Give out hugs and kisses generously.  Look your children in the eye when they are sharing a very long…long…story.  Listen to them.  Let them know you delight in them. Tell them you love watching them swim or jump on the trampoline. Tell them how much joy it brings you that they are your little girl or boy. Delight in your husband and children.  Shower your family with affection.

4. Lovingly Administer Godly Discipline

Hebrews 12:11 says “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  Disciplining our children is important.  And HOW we discipline is even more important. Some mothers are too harsh, commanding, and controlling.  Other mothers give too much freedom and their children walk all over them.  And still other mothers focus on self-esteem or making excuses for their children.

The world cannot teach a Christian mom how to discipline because when we discipline, we should always be guided by the principles of God’s word.  This means we need to know God’s word. We need to be reading our Bibles.  The world is not guided by God’s word — so we cannot follow their parenting ways. Our goal in discipline must be to reach our child’s heart, bring them to the foot of the cross and “produce a harvest of righteousness and peace.”  I believe that we must be doing  numbers 1 through 3 from above, before our discipline will be effective.  We must be loving, kind, compassionate, and affectionate because it is within this sort of relationship that God works.

Love.

God is love.

And the greatest commandment is that we love God.

And the second greatest commandment is that we love others.

And the Titus 2 older woman is to teach the younger women…how to love.

Love your husbands and children.

In good times and bad a {Radical} woman keeps on loving.

Walk with the King,

Courtney

***This post is a part of the Summer {Radical} Women Living Well Series.  Here are the other posts in this series.

{Radical} Women –Living Well

4 Qualities of a {Radical} Older Woman

5 {Radical} Qualities Young Women Should Pursue

The Effects of Feminism on Women in the Church

 

Comments

  1. says

    Another great post! I am really enjoying this series. We can show how we love with how we react to difficult situations. I try to remind myself that frustration and angry breed more frustration and anger. Patience is definitely a virtue I have had to develop over time.

  2. says

    This is a wonderful post and full of powerful content. I’m a grandma now but motherhood has been challenged in these areas in some measure since the beginning of time. I believe one of the reasons God gave me my children is because they give me opportunities time after time to ask God for his help and power to change me into His image.

    • says

      @debbie, well put. I’m not a grandma, but a mother to 2 year old spontaneous triplets and a four year old and I believe the same as you Debbie, that he gave me my children so I could learn to seek him more. Courtney this is a great post and reminder to have the love for my family that Christ has for us. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Ashley says

    This is a wonderful and applicable post! I love your perspective and focus on God’s Word. Thank you for this series!! :)

  4. Jane Christina says

    It was an amazing encouragement and how we are so important and bring the joy in our husbands and children. Just quoted from the blog :
    “Our husbands need our affection. They need us to hold their hand, rub their back, and greet them at the door with a smile and a kiss. They need to know we don’t just love them but that we like them – we delight in them. Have you done this lately? ” the answer is : ALL the time.. but the husband most of the time thinks these is not important to wife’s… because we can handle this. There are so many woman out there who is silently going through this.. .but because the word of God says .. honor your husbands.. they ignore their own needs.

    • says

      To clarify, are you stating that husbands are ignoring wives and wives are ignoring their own needs while loving on and caring for their husbands and children?

      If so, I hear you sister! All we can do at that point is to pray, pray, pray and recognize that part of loving our husbands and children means taking care of ourselves, too. Hygiene, nutrition, exercise, rest, Worship and time in the Word are not wasteful uses of our time – they are essential to our well-being. How can we care for others if our own pot is empty?

      If we are being faithful and obedient to God, then no matter what others do to us (or fail to do for us) will really matter. In the long run, God will hear our prayers and provide for us. We can rest in His sovereignty and trust that He will never leave us or forsake us.

      Be well, sister.

  5. Laura Fredlund says

    Wonderful post. We need to remember what matters most. I would never choose a bigger house over raising my children. I would never trade these precious days for a title, or an office with a view. There is no greater work than being a mother and a wife. I know that God gave us families, to help us become what he wants us to be. I love my family so much and they bring me so much Joy. It is hard work, but it is the BEST work. -Laura. I’m 25 by the way. With two little ones and have been married for 5 1/2 years. I enjoy this blog! Thank you Courtney!

  6. says

    Love…it is in the extra minute we sit with our family, instead of rushing to clear the table and clean the kitchen…a favorite snack served with a smile to grumpy kids…relaxing the nutrition and baking a pie for breakfast…picking up the shoe parade with a giggle…renaming laundry to “The Adventures in Treasure Hunting”…joyfully dancing with our husband in the front yard and embarrassing our teenagers…Love…it is in the little things to us that are giant things to our family. Thank you, Courtney.

  7. Ashley B. says

    I cannot say enough how convicting and much needed this post is to me today. I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones (expecting #6) or just being overall overwhelmed with basic day-to-day things trying to raise a larger family on one income but lately I feel like most all of the joy has been sucked out of me. I am not emulating these positive qualities the God has called me to and feel like a failure. Please, pray for me. I know I have a commitment to God, my husband and my children to repent and be rid of these negative thoughts/actions. I myself will be praying and looking to read/meditate on the verses given in this post.
    Thank you for the encouragement that I so needed today!

    • Susan says

      Ashley,
      I am praying that you feel the powerful and comforting arms of our precious Lord wrapped around you. I pray you find joy in the little things like the laughter of your children, the bickering because one day they will be best friends, the craziness that is your life because sooner than you think they will be grown and you will wonder how that happened. Get a journal and find just a few moments everyday to jot down something that happened that day good or bad. One day you will look back and treasure the memories. God bless you and the incredible job you do each day.

    • says

      Ashley,
      I hear ya! It sounds like hormones to me. I stayed home with 3, all one year apart, with a hubby that traveled for a living and struggling to build a business from the ground up. I had some tough days and I can mentor you through them. We followed Dave Ramsey’s plan and I started a home business, clipped coupons and ebayed and sold on amazon to made it work. Hang in there. Mine are all in college now and thriving. Email me anytime … teriturpen @ yahoo

  8. Melissa says

    Thank you for including us “older women”. I love reading all the posts about the younger women, but, older women have many gifts to offer . What a wonderful idea to include all ages as we all have gifts from God. :-) God Bless You all.

  9. Susan says

    Thank you so much for this. I wish I had seen this 26 years ago. My children would have greatly benefited. The best part though is I can still be a godly loving influence on my future grand kids and a woman of wisdom for younger women that are just starting out in their marriages and families. Thank you again for this wonderful post.

  10. Cynthia Q says

    Excellent post. So glad you wrote it and so glad I took the time to read it :) Thank you for blogging. Thank you for seeking God.

  11. says

    Thank you for another beautiful and encouraging post! All of your points were very good, but I really liked #3 because I have seen in my own family what a difference kind, loving, and encouraging words can make in one’s day and in the tone of our homes. To God be the glory. Always!

  12. Jeana says

    Thank you for such a great post and a great series! My husband and I have had some wonderful discussions surrounding this series. This post in particular speaks to me so heavily. Thank you for encouraging and teaching us God’s way.

  13. says

    Great post! I really believe God is moving through godly wives and mothers using His word from Titus! I have seen many women writing from that passage lately, myself included. I have wondered if one of the reasons so many Christian marriages are falling apart is because we have failed to heed the teachings of that passage – teaching the younger women how to love their husbands and children. The older women have grown in wisdom and have been through the trenches, so to speak. These women have seen it all and been through it all and have so much to offer young married women – encouragement, keeping their post, how to handle struggles, dealing with schedules and just everyday life that can become cumbersome. I am in the middle – I desire older wives for mentors and younger wives to mentor.
    We need this kind of encouragement regularly to keep our mission focused – love our husbands and our children!!

  14. says

    I am loving this series and just wanted to thank you for tackling it. I am finding it to be intensely practical in the way I am serving Jesus and my family everyday. I am looking forward to the next post (and the next one and the next one!).

  15. Jodie says

    God always seems to be right on time. And boy, did I need to read this today! I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything lately. And on top of everything else, I’m trying to wean my 18 m/o. I seem so snippy lately, which is not me. Thank you for writing this up.

    I do have one question though. I’ve noticed that you’ve brought up that our husbands need our affection and such. What happens when the tables are reversed? How do we cope with that? I’ve not seen anything that I’ve come across that gives guidance/suggestions when we women are the ones feeling neglected. I only ask b/c this past almost two years has been an extremely dry season for affection.

    Thanks for all you do.

  16. Jenny says

    Thank you, Courtney. As a 32 year old trying to live as a Titus 2 woman in this modern-woman time, I sometimes feel like the odd ball. Which I guess I am since I’m content to stay home and raise my babies and not have the corner office and no girls weekends away. It’s nice to come to your blog and get rejuvenated again.

  17. Ashley says

    I read these things and feel but encouraged and discouraged. As I prepared for marriage I read these things and planned for my life to be like this. To treat my husband, children and home in this way. I believe it all to be true but with a baby on my hip all day and a toddler at my leg wanting and needing most of the day, I lok at my home and long to “work” at keeping it look nicer, making better meals, spending more time and attention on my husband and on and on and on. My hands are so full with these little ones I can’t seem to figure out how to do much more than that, feed us, and clean up messes. Am I missing something?

  18. says

    After 18 years of marriage, an active son, more than full-time work and all the responsibilities of home, it is not easy to love. Like marriage, it is work at times. Although, of course, I love my husband and son, making it intentional is hard. This is a great article. Thank you for your words. I just finished reading a brand new book that aligns with this so well and puts the responsibility on me, as it should be – I mean, I can only be responsible for my own actions. It’s Biblical, challenging and affirming. It’s called “The Wholehearted Wife: 10 Keys to a More Loving Relationship,” by Erin, Greg and Gary Smalley. Fresh in my mind is one of my favorite quotes, “If you want to have a more loving relationship with your husband, remember that he’s a gift from God, a treasured possession – just as you are. As a Wholehearted wife, seek to honor him each day by cherishing him and affirming his value. Treat him like a Stradivarius!” I highly recommend it!

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