/ / Michelle Duggar ~ A Role Model for Gentleness ~ Week 4

Michelle Duggar ~ A Role Model for Gentleness ~ Week 4

My son adores Tim Tebow right now and I’m glad he has him to look up to.  For us in this gentleness challenge, Michelle Duggar is a role model in the area of gentleness.  When I look at the picture of Michelle next to me… I see two similiar women – we love God, our husbands, children and our homes.  We both homeschool and I’d say we are a smiley pair!   I also see two very different women.  We have different philosophies on a few things in life including the fact that she has a few more children then me (17 more to be exact!) .  But one of our biggest notable differences would be that her tone of voice is SO much sweeter than mine.  If you want to see an example of a Gentle Mom – just tune into TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting – because Michelle is the ultimate “real life” Gentle Mother.

On the Duggars old website they had posted their top 5 parenting tips – and I wrote them down. # 5 read like this:

Ask God to help you conquer anger because it can destroy your relationship with your children. Praise them ten times more than you correct them.

I have latched onto tip number 5. In their book Michelle says – anger shows your worst side and often times when we have angry outbursts, our anger is worse than what the child has actually done!
Michelle follows Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” She says when she feels angry, she lowers her voice rather than raising it and will sometimes take it to almost a whisper! Now that’s self-control at it’s best!
So you are thinking – “my kids will walk all over me”. Nope – I’ve been working on gentleness for a while now and I must say I feel much better about myself as a mother – and the children are responding. Michelle is right – anger will destroy your relationship with your children. On days when I find myself yelling – I feel guilty and like a failure as a mom. But when I apply Proverbs 15:1 – I find this principle bringing peace into our home.
Tip number 5 also says “praise them 10 times more than you correct them.” Ten times more?  That’s a lot!  I feel like I am always saying “keep your hands to yourself, that’s not nice, watch your words, don’t take that from her, don’t give me attitude, walk slowly, be gentle, look at me when I am talking, that’s not kind, take care of your toys, don’t make a mess” and on and on the correction list goes. 🙁
The Duggars try their best to not say “don’t don’t don’t”. Instead they work hard focusing on the behavior they expect. They compliment every little positive thing they see. They praise their children when they demonstrate diligence, thoroughness, punctuality, patience, compassion, orderliness, generosity, and other Christlike qualities.
My daughter is a very cheerful helper in the kitchen –  I usually say “thank you” but I neglect to go on and say “thank you for your cheerful attitude!”  She loves to clean out showers and tubs (thank goodness because I do not lol!).  When I first discovered this I praised her.  But now, I’m so used to it, I forget to give her the same recognition for her diligence. Usually the children are thorough with their school work and I just say “great job” rather than “great job being so thorough“. When they put their shoes in the wrong place, I correct them, but when they are in the right place I say nothing – when I could say “thanks for putting your shoes in the correct place and being so orderly.”
This weeks challenge: In week 2 we focused on bringing our voices down low close to a whisper when we feel like yelling.  In week 3 – we focused on anger management.  This week add in words of praise for Christlike qualities.  Be specific and really pay attention to the godly things your children are doing.  Try to do what the Duggars do – and praise your children 10 times more than you correct them.

Walk with the King!

Courtney

81 Comments

  1. I needed to read this today! I feel like I have been yelling (with anger) for a while now, sometimes I feel lost like nothing I do is working. I am going to try to lower my voice and be more gentle. Thank you for sharing your heart!

    1. you’re not alone Rachel, I feel exactly the same as you. Started this today and had some success although feel exhausted! Also told my kids today that they can tell me not to yell, they are allowed to correct my mistakes as I correct theirs. Good luck, I’ll pray for you too xx

  2. I really like Michelle Duggar. I think she has a really sweet spirit…it’s just infectious 🙂 🙂 I also like the word “gentle”…and gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit 🙂 🙂 Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 😉

  3. This post, paired with watching “Courageous” last night, is very convicting. Praying that the Holy Spirit will use that conviction this week to walk alongside me (and all the others taking the challenge) as I strive to be a gentler mom. Thanks for sharing this!

  4. Part of the reason I watch the Duggars’ show is because of Michelle’s voice. haha It is so intriguing to me that she can stay so calm and gentle with so many people running around her home. I don’t think I want 20 kids, but she and Jim Bob are fabulous examples of loving parents.

  5. I always think of her when I’m trying to model gentleness with my son! She is an inspiring woman in many ways.

    In your post, you mentioned having some differing philosophies…I am curious now what your philosophy on number of children is. I only ask because my husband and I have had conversations about this lately and are trying to really seek God’s will on this issue. Although I can find nothing wrong with the Duggars’ view on children, I just can’t imagine that for myself! My husband would like to stop at two children at I would love to have three…but I’m trying above all to discern what God’s will for our family is. I know this can be a very personal issue, but it would make an interesting blog post I think, if you’re willing to share your views! 🙂

    1. Oh Emily – I LOVE and respect the views of the Duggars. I think that we each have to follow our own conscience and convictions when it comes to the decision of how many children to have. We each have different husband leaders and health issues. My husband is leading our family in the direction that we have gone and I do have a health issue that has affected our choice.. So I just wanted to be honest that she is a role model to me – but like most role models – we don’t follow them in every area of our lives – just most areas 🙂
      Courtney

      1. Thanks for sharing! Perhaps my comment came off harsher than I intended about the Duggars too…I definitely respect what they are doing very much and love what I know of their family, I just cannot imagine handling it like they do! And I know my husband would be beyond stressed and just not happy if we were to have very many children (and by very many I mean like…more than two or three). Not that God can’t change hearts, but that’s just where things are for us! For me right now it comes down a lot to respecting who my husband is and his leadership on this issue…but obviously we both want to continuously seek God’s will above all. It’s just hard because there don’t seem to be clear answers on things like this. Thanks again for sharing some of your thoughts though. 🙂

  6. I love to listen to Michelle talk. She’s so full of joy and gentleness and seems to make the most of every situation. Just how I want to be! 🙂

    1. Stacy – I loved your post and you are right – they are similiar posts!!! I would say that gentleness is clearly a unique trait that Michelle has!!! But the Bible says – we can have it – it’s a fruit of the spirit – so we must pursue it!!!
      Thanks for sharing!
      Courtney

        1. Lol! Girl – it’s no problem at all 😉 I don’t take my blog (or the link ups) too seriously! We are here to encourage each other and your blog does that – so all is well 🙂 And I LOVE your new page! Great job!
          Courtney

  7. Love this series. I always do great at first but by the end of the week seem to lose it. I need your updates mid-week! haha! You make me want to wake up my kids and love on them. Ok, maybe NOT that much. hehehe Thanks so much for this challenge!

  8. My husband and I do not have cable in our home but I do try to catch her show as often as possible when visiting my mother etc. I absolutely love being able to watch a family on national television that lives their lives for the Lord and provides an example to thousands. We have not yet been blessed with children but I often pray that God teaches me to have the gentleness that Michelle Duggar displays to her children and husband. The above mentioned verses are undeniable. Thank you for all that you do!

    I would just like to say I know it is focused on Michelle but if you look at the entire family they are all gentle and that is because of Michelle and Jim Bob setting an example and teaching them the desire of God.

    Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

  9. I had no idea you were doing this challenge! I’m on the Good Morning Girls blog daily for the Ephesians study and I’m so glad I popped over here to read this. I absolutely need this challenge! My husband is deployed (8 months down….4 months to go!) and some days I just can’t stand to hear myself anymore – so snappy and not the grace-giving mom that I’ve always inspired to be. So now that I’ve written a novel here, what I’m trying to say is that I’m joining the challenge! Let the gentleness commence!

  10. This afternoon was rather trying with my boys as it was a typical Sunday afternoon – short naps in the car, high energy upon arriving home, and into everything when time to approach bedtime, which in turn does not turn on my gentle qualities! Your post was timely for me to read tonight – thank you. I will be working on the tone of voice that I use with my young boys, as well as remembering to praise them for specific qualities.

  11. I am struggling with anger. I was raised by angry, loud parents. I know better, but it seems it’s all I know how to do. Does that even make sense? I’m so thankful I clicked on here tonight. I’d like to read Michelle Duggars book and I will start praying about this tonight. What I’ve read here sounds great! I would really appreciate the prayers of anyone reading this!

    1. Gosh, Michelle. It makes complete sense to me. Mine were so negative and cranky all the time. You are not alone in the struggle, my friend! I’ll be praying for us all that struggle with making changes for our children.

    2. It was the same for me to Michelle! Some days I feel like I’m repeating the same bad habits as my parents. Sometimes I feel like I’m just plain mean. I would love to have control of my attitude and voice. Lifting us all up in prayer!

  12. I was blessed to see the Duggers when they visited at a church nearby. I knew how she always spoke so calmly on their show, but I don’t think her gentleness really hit me until that night. I knew I wanted to be more like her. I tried for a while. Somewhere in the daily grind I went astray. Today I want to try again. It is never too late to make this change.

  13. Tips are so very helpful. I know I struggle with anger and impatience with my 2 boys. So… lower my voice when I want to YELL and praise 10x more and be specific… I’m pretty sure I won’t succeed on the 10x but at least I have a target to aim at 🙂 Thanks!

  14. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I too find great inspiration in Michelle Duggar.
    Can I ask you to pray for me? I have been reading(devouring!) your posts in this series. I have struggled in this area for SO long, and like one of the comments above, I too get to the point that I’m sick of hearing myself talk because of the obvious anger and frustration that is coming out of my mouth. It’s an area where I’m seeking the Lord’s forgiveness and help, but I know that the prayers of others on my behalf are powerful! I’m trying to keep Proverbs 15:1 in the forefront of my mind and my heart. This week, my boys and I have been going over Prov 21:23- Whoso keepeth his tongue and his mouth keepeth his soul from troubles (or as my 4-yr old says, “keepeth his soul from getting in trouble!!) I just continue to pray that the Lord would use His word in an effectual way in my life and in my heart.
    Thank you for your ministry and your openness in this area!

  15. I am so needing this right now! We just brought home two older children through the blessing of adoption. We have now been blessed with 13 children. But, I am finding myself very stressed and very angry when I speak to them. I don’t want to be….
    I have fallen back into some old habits that I don’t like…ways I was raised, etc. So I am grateful for the encouragement here and thankful for prayers as well.!!!

  16. Hi, I appreciate your honesty. I would really like to express mine! I have eight children and having each child has indeed changed me! I have a hard time when others that have two children are esteemed. I would love for Michelle to be my role model because I know what it means to have a large family Though our eight can’t compare to her twenty. Two children doesn’t stretch you and change you anywhere near what 20 would! I wished that women that feel called to lead other women would be more concerned with how they portray large families and how they portray themselves (I would feel completely free to write to devote all my time to earning money from home with only two children, but have choosen to allow the Lord to fill our womb according to His Will) I would also feel excited to have more encouragement in following God’s will in being fruitfull and multiplying than what you have expressed. I do know that you are “listening” to your husband. I too have had serious health issues, in fact after our number one child my doctor said never again! Well, we have seven more people that will with us in all of eternity because we were able to listen to God’s Will and not our own! Sharing in love and I will completely understand if you don’t post this!

  17. Great Post! I’d just Love to start writing on that topic to my readers but that has to wait (the week has only so many days…). However, I am trying hard on working on much more gentleness. Never thought, that I could scream that much before I had children. Have some big school issues with my daughter right now in being slow and a bit lazy, so will try to face ist with praise for what she can instead of what she doesn’t right! Katja

  18. I sheepishly admit I have not been reading your gentleness posts. When this challenged started I thought “I can skip that; i’m pretty gentle.” I also am inundated with blogs to read, a blog to write and a new work schedule that has rocked my nice, neat little world. I’ve gone from WAHM to work-at-the-office-full-time-and-still-be-a-full-time-homemaker-mom. So I haven’t ready any of your gengleness posts. 🙁

    But a comment from my 90 year-old grandmother got me thinking earlier this week. Do we yell at our son too much? He’s 16 months and into EVERYTHING. He’s learning and exploring. We onl want him to be safe and not get hurt and learn to listen, be respect and not to hit the dog.

    The Lord lead me to read your post today and it is confirmation to me. We need to lighten up a bit. I don’t want my son to fear us. I want him to respect us yes but I do not want him to grow up being yelled at all the time. I do tell him how proud of him I am when he puts his toys away and my husband does tell him what a good job he’s done but we do not praise him 10 times more than we correct him. My goodness! what an eye opener.

    Blessings!

  19. I am enjoying this challenge, and working very hard at it..so far have noticed some improvement in my relationship with my girls! I am enjoying my days with the four of us alone and not feeling so stressed out. Thank you!

  20. I just want to encourage you by saying God has also used Michelle Duggar to point out gentleness to me. And I told her so when I had the opportunity to meet her. I come from a family with harsh tones so it is not something I’ve ever really seen. What a blessing they have been in my life. What a testimony she has that God is using her to be a example of gentleness!

  21. It’s not about what “WE” want or how many kids “WE” want to have but what God blesses us with. I was convicted when I would say to myself I only want exactly 2 kids a girl and a boy and that’s it. But when you read in God’s word Children are a blessing from the lord they are HIS reward who would want to turn down a reward from God??? I sure don’t. Sometime we can tend to look at kids as such burdens and try to control how many kids “WE” want to have but no matter how hard we try to control by using birth control, and other means God is in Ultimate control. I say this because I know of few people in my life who was 100% sure they didn’t want any more kids did the surgery to not have any more kids and still ended up with a another child goes to show you GOD is way more powerful than any form of contraception.
    PSALMS 127:3—–“Children are a gift from the LORD;
    they are a reward from him.”

    1. Ana – I love your passion! I am definately living Plan B for my life – I never imagined I’d only have 2 children – ask all of my family AND all of my closest friends – who’ve had to listen to me over the years LONG for more children. 🙁 My life has unfolded differently than I thought it would – but after shedding many tears God has convicted me of my lack of contentment with just 2 children. I must learn contentment – I am SO blessed. And God has opened my eyes to see that maybe my “third baby” is my ministry.

      Keep following hard after God – he loves you so!
      Courtney

      1. Thank you for these words. (I know your reply was a bit of a side topic, but I appreciate your heart.) I am in a similar situation. I’m trusting God and His sovereignty in regards to number of children!!

        1. Courtney,
          Thank you so much for sharing that. I always dreamed of having at least 3-4 children. But due to health reasons, and honestly some selfish reasons, we decided to stop after our second. I was at a different place in my life. After I truly came to know Christ and began seeking His will, I longed for more children. I regretted my decision. Finally I realized this is where I am, and I will bloom where I am planted. God is sovereign. I was discontent with my gifts because I wanted more. I don’t want to miss out on joy because of discontentment.
          I am always surrounded by children at home, at church, and family. Maybe that is how the Lord has blessed me with many children!

  22. Hi Courtney and Everyone,
    This is such a great subject!! For those of us who struggle with this, I have good news……………… YOU CAN beat this thing??
    If your pastor or someone that you did not want to know walked in on you “blow up”, wouldn’t you stop on a dime??
    THis proves that you do have SELF CONTROL. Someone shared this with me and it changed my mind on the way I was thinking, that I “just could not control” this part of my parenting. I had to put on the mind of Christ and know that He gave it all on the the cross for me and YOu. He gave us the fruit of the HIS spirit called Self Control. Though it is a tough one to tame the tongue, that two edge sword is usually used on the ones that we “love” the most. The last thing we want to do or pass on to them.
    The same spirit that put Jesus in the womb of Mary and raised Jesus from the dead is the same Holy Spirit that He gave us when we accepted him in our hearts!!! Now that is power!!!
    GO SISTERS AND USE THAT POWER!!! LOVE TO ALL FROM BEAUTIFUL NH

  23. I don’t understand why the Duggars are considered “controversial”. They are a beautiful family following their convictions for their life. I love them. I think they are a great example of Godly parenting. I think the idea of lowering my voice to a whisper when I want to yell is… wow. Not only difficult but fantastic. Revolutionary, really. Esp. in our parenting age. Thanks for this series. It’s great!

    Cassandra @ The Unplugged Family

  24. I have to be honest and tell you [all] that I really wanted to do this challenge. But I had a strong feeling that I would fail so I didn’t really make the commitment. I am not gentle at all and the thought of whispering when I’m upset doesn’t seem fathomable. But I can praise them. I have great kids, I know they are great because other moms and their Sunday School teachers tell me all the time. They are little boys and have their challenges but they really are my sweet boys. I take that for granted. a lot. So, while the whispers may be a ways off I will definitely begin praising and encouraging them a lot more. Baby steps, right? Thanks Courtney. You really do always say what I need to hear and keep me on my path toward God. <3

  25. Thanks for this post. I’ve been having a hard time lately at keeping my cool when the kids are acting up, and of course they act up more when they see I’m letting it get the better of me! This challenge is a great idea. I think I’ll start from week 1 this week!

  26. This post is fantastic, and God’s timing is perfect. So, so many times I have tried to be more gentle under my own power and have failed time after time. This time I am going to ask God to help me, ask a mentor mom to pray for me, and commit Phil 4:8 and Prov 15:1 to memory, and post these verses in my house as mental reminders. Then I am also going to right the word whisper and praise x 10 on post-it notes and place them in strategic areas of our home as another reminder. : ) Some of us need a lot of reminders. lol Thank you again for the Gentleness Challenge, and may we all become a blessing to our families through it.

  27. Well the end of my week Sunday (usually my beginning but in yesterdays case my ending) I failed miseribly, to the point that I texted my husband that— I just couldn’t handle this anymore (I freaked him out c he wasn’t sure what I was talking about) the Holy Spirit kept telling me not to write it, I needed to calm down. I kept hearing calm down, I think that’s why things didn’t get worse.
    Let me explain. My husband travels for his work, he’s gone about 80% if not more of the time, so we’re averaging about 3 days a month seeing each other and the children seeing him. Him and I talk 3-4 or more times a day. Some past choices have forced us for now to have him on the road so much. We homeschool out of strong personal conviction. I get a lot of analysis and commentary from people about our lifestye and most is not supportive or helpful but more critical and much of that comes from church folks. Their commets havent even been biblically based. Lately we’ve both been feeling there needs to be a change in our current situation. I try to be supportive, he is starting to see things from my perspective, having times being placed in my shoes, meanwhile since I cannot be in his shoes, God is bringing resourses in my life to help me see and try to understand the shoes he has to walk in.
    Well yesterday we got home from church and errands in town where my children were misbehaving, then we go into the house to put groceries up and I find out that 2! of our toilets are flooding with waste due to actions of my son (I will leave it at that) and I just LOST it.
    So long story a little shorter 🙂 I needed to hear this. I am praying for strength in this area because I am very weak. I think I will just try to spend my week wispering.

  28. I love Michelle Duggar. I know they are controversial but what a great mother she is. I wish I could be half as gentle and kind that she is with her children. I hate to use the term “role model” because I know we are not supposed to look up to someone like that, but that is what I think of her as. Her children are respectful and helpful so obviously she is doing something right along with her husband. My goal this week is to work on my quiet voice and whisper instead of yelling.

  29. Oh how I want to be more gentle; I really need to commit to change in this area. Michelle Duggar is such a wonderful example of gentleness, she inspires me so much. We as women can learn so much from her Godly example. Thank you for this post.

  30. Wow, Courtney. Really needed this one. Like you said I know all this,but it’s just like clicking. My boys are still pretty young almost 4,2 1/2,and 6 months,but I want to start early as I can with them. I love Michelle Duggar she is such a Godly example to us Mothers.

  31. Last week was one of the hardest weeks that our family has had in a long time. Because of my son’s struggles in school, we’ve started him in a new after-school day care program that will give him more structure than what he was getting at my mother-in-law’s home. This week he will start learning with a tutor three days a week. It has been a really big adjustment for us all. My husband had one of the worst weeks at work last week, and with my son being in the after-care program, it takes him longer to get home because while the place is AWESOME (we are seeing great improvements), it adds another half hour to his drive time. Sometimes it really stinks being a working mom! I wish I could be home every day like my mom was, because I feel as though none of these things would be an issue if I were. Unfortunately we have to be a two-income family because my husband doesn’t make enough with his salary alone.

    I really struggle with raising my voice, especially because I have so much stress on me from my full-time job, trying to keep the house in some sort of order, making sure everyone has everything they need (food, anything school-related, clean socks – clean clothing for that matter lol) and trying to be a loving and caring wife and mom on top of that. My own mother chastised me last week for not giving her more time each week, and I nearly laughed out loud when she said that because I thought “How much more do I have to give???” I’ve been seeing a doctor three times a week to get my body healthy because the stress test he gave me showed that the tension in my body is off the charts. It was starting to show when I started not being able to recall words and memories (can you believe I struggled with remembering the word “appreciate” one day??? How terrible!!). I know God has me and my family – my son and I pray (almost) every morning together for all of these things and thank Him for all that we have and all that He continues to do for us.

    I wish I could do more!!! I will try whispering from now on when I start to feel anger rise up. I think because I have so much tension, it feels good to yell sometimes even though it’s not healthy and does the opposite of what I want to accomplish. Sorry for making this so long, this blog is appreciated <3 <3 <3

  32. Thanks for the constant inspiration. My challenge is with other people’s children when they have behavioural problems. My husband’s friend’s son is 10. He has attention deficit disorder AND is hyperactive. He is constantly getting a rise out of me. This weekend we went downhill skiing. In the chalet, he pushed my six y.o. son with both hands on his back to make him fall down the stairs. FORTUNATELY my husband was in front of my son and caught him, and nobody was hurt. That child pushed my son not because he was angry, just because he had a terrible impulse. It was not planned. Two seconds before I am certain he did not know he was going to do that. But it was a dangerous thing to do. And I really yelled at him. My son (who was wearing ski boots at the time) would have been greatly injured if my husband had not been there. Because I read your post, I have decided that A) I am really going to pray for that boy who is often left home alone, who is lacking care and love. B) I will pray that God will guide his parents to better love him and guide him and C) I will protect my sons from him with love, not anger. I will ask gently that they stop playing together because my children (4 and 6) are too young to defend themselves against this fellow. But I vow not to accuse him, not to raise my voice when I have to deal with him again, not judge his parents or get angry when the topic comes up (because it will). It might be a strange comment because he is not my child, but it has happened a few times that I yelled at other kids for hurting little ones. Mine and others. I will still say something when I witness aggressive and hurtful gestures, but a will do so in a calm, low voice.

  33. I had my two year old daughter climb into my lap as I was reading this. She pointed to your picture up in the corner and said, “Look mom! Its Rapunzel!” Thought you’d appreciate that. 🙂

  34. Thanks again for another inspiring week. I have been following the challenge from the beginning and am enjoying it and feeling encouraged. My favorite tip so far is the one from Michelle Duggar about praise kids 10 more times than you correct them. When I do this I definitely see a better response from my children – so this week I am focusing on that. I also liked what Courtney said about raising “righteous” children and not just “good” children. Excellent thought. I always try to incorporate Christ in a discussion when I am correcting my kids – this just puts it in perspective. Blessings to you both for all you do,
    Dawn

  35. Thank you so much for this challenge and the hardwork you put into these posts. This is something that I have looked forward to each week. I am so grateful for your site and your ministry to wives and moms. You have blessed our home! Which Duggar book did you read where Michelle shared some wisdom? 20 and counting or Love Multiplies? Also, thank you for the challenge to go through and highlight verses on communication in Proverbs. Your site is very very special to my heart and home!

    1. This was from 20 and counting. I have Love Multiplies but when it arrived, I did not have time to read it so I leant it out lol! I have it back now and can’t wait to dig into it.
      Courtney

  36. Hi! Great post! I really needed this! I was interested in michelles other parenting rules. I looked on their website and couldnt find them. Do you have them or could you point me in the right direction? Thanks! Im so glad I stumbled across your site today!!

    1. I can’t find them on-line anymore either – they used to be on their website – but they are not there now. Here they are:

      1. Teach our children to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, and memorize God’s word together as a family.

      2. Teach them to have a servant’s heart, leading by your example. Love your neighbor as yourself.

      3. Daily read the Proverb of the Day that corresponds with the day of the month and discuss it as a family.

      4.Diligently keep up with each child’s attitudes and actions and ask what is going on in their heart. Pray with them one on one letting them lead in prayer and then you closing the prayer time together.

      5. Ask God to help you conquer anger because it can destroy your relationship with your children. Praise them ten times more than you correct them.

      Courtney

  37. I believe that some people are meant to have many children and some people just are not. And I think knowing yourself is part of it. I don’t watch her tv show, but the few times I have seen her, she’s always been so upbeat and quiet spoken. Definitely someone to emulate. I don’t yell, but my tone needs a LOT of work. 🙁 I do like her rule #5. I don’t praise my son near enough then! I better get started. 😀

  38. I just stumbled upon this and I like all the comments that I read although I only read a few. I loved watching the Dugger family, and tried to learn from it , which is why I believe they do the show,to minister to others. Thank you for allowing me to share.

  39. Have read both of the Duggar’s books and they are very inspiring. If she can keep her voice soft and happy for 19 children and her husband, surely I can for my five children and husband. She sets a great example for mothers.

    My tone of voice can be harsh sometimes…a little too harsh. I need to work on how it sounds to others even if I don’t mean it harsh. Another important area of gentleness is our facial expressions. Sometimes I am deep in thought and my children will ask me if I am upset about something. Oops! Gotta watch that, too!

    Love this Gentleness Challenge! Keep it coming!

  40. Thank you for leading this challenge! I grew up in a home with a lot of screaming and harshness. I always said that I would never do it, because I knew what it felt like. I thought that I was a gentle mom, after digging deeper into this and praying, I realize that I’m not all that gentle. I can see how this has put a strain on our family. I’m working on changing this in my life and prayerfully asking the Lord to not allow my son to be like me.

  41. I LOVE your posts!!! You challenge me in ways I didn’t even know I needed and I love that! I too agree that Michelle has the most gentle spirit and voice ever! I enjoy watching the show just for that reason, to hear her speak to her kids! I blogged all about this week’s challenge at http://teachingmyblessings.blogspot.com/2012/01/gentleness-challenge-week-4.html
    I was going to link up, but I see it isn’t working. Thanks again for the awesome challenge!
    Trina

  42. Really needed this! I am going to keep working harder at this. It has been my goal for a long time. It seems I fail at being meek and gentle more than anyother thing. “, give me the strength to be more meek and quiet”

    Dani Joy

  43. I really admire Michelle, too. She inspires me to treasure my role as a wife, mother, and homeschooler. In your video with Angela, you mentioned another book you were reading. You said this book talked about the difference that Christian parenting should make. What book is it?

    Also, when I read that you were offered a reality show, I was so worried that you would sell out for fame and money. Besides the Duggars, what family or couple has ever benefitted from a reality show? Look at all the chaos and break ups. Thank you so much for discerning God’s will and not pursuing earthly attention. I admire and respect you so much!

  44. Oh, did this ever hit close to home! I love the Duggars and her gentleness is one of her traits I have always admired. Definitely something I need to work on and this is good food for thought.

    ~Kristi

  45. It’s not always what you say but how you say it, right? I posted myself recently Proverbs 15:1 – Keep Calm and Answer Softly.Regarding praise and encouragement I realized recently that truly meaningful encouragement is specific. “Good job” just isn’t as effective as “I really appreciate how you did specifically this just so…”

  46. Michelle’s advice about whispering/lowering her voice was just not sinking in until I saw her discilone outtakes on YouTube. Then, all the sudden, I understood how it looked like in action. Sometimes we need to hear the same message in all sets of formats before something clicks. Thank you for pointing the way. This whole month I’ve been schooled in the area of gentleness. Everyday I fail miserably, feel so discouraged, and end up praying for a better day. Now I’m hopeful for some growth in this area.
    Blessings,

  47. Hi Courtney,
    It has been on my heart to contact you for a while now and let you know what an inspiration you have been to me. I found your blog at the beginning of Jan and I have been reading daily and looking to you for help with bible study and parenting. I follow GMG too!!! I am a SAHM of 4 (ages 10, 8, 3, and 18 months), and I struggle with yelling and using words that I shouldn’t. I grew up in an Italian family so we all talk loud and tend to yell more than others. I seem to be continuing that cycle of yelling and saying mean things to the kids – although not horrible just not pure, kind words that the Lord wants us to use. My husband and I are both educated – I mean that we KNOW better and we have been trying and reading books on how to stop this and we are improving a lot but we were always leaving out the one person who could ultimately help us and that is God. You have really helped us see that HE is the only one who can change us and more importantly the why’s – why he wants us to talk kindly to them and you have given us the HOW’s – how to do it with the Gentleness Challange. I am working everyday – every hour sometimes on putting to work the tips you give us and it is working!!!! I thank you so much for the peace that you are giving me and the kids. I have posted some of your sayings around the kitchen and once when I was ranting about something my 8 year old grabbed the paper that said “Yelling at a bud will not make it bloom” and shoved it in my face – saying “mom, remember”!!!! We are working and it is changing little by little. I thank God for the teachings he has shown me that I didn’t even know where there and I’m thankful for you for your lessons. God bless you Courtney!!!!!

  48. Thank you SO much for the video from this past summer’s book study you posted today! Both what you shared and what Angela shared were such an encouragement to me! Thank you for your ministry!! May the Lord bless you and Angela as you minister through womenlivingwell.org and goodmorninggirls.com.

  49. I absolutely love and need this post! Thank you so much.
    I love Michelle Dugger and am constantly amazed at her calm and collected demeanor and pleasant nature.
    I will endeavour to be gentle with my daughter, particularly when angry and particularly in my speech. I like Michelle’s tip of lowering her voice to a whisper. Thanks again. I will be looking into your gentleness challenge and reading back over the posts so far! 🙂 Blessings x

  50. I’m so glad I have finally taken the time to read this challenge and thankful for your timing on this!! My mother passed away 2 weeks ago. As I go through the process of grieving, planning her funeral, cleaning out her home , and everything else that goes into losing a loved parent so abruptly; by week 2 my gentleness has flown out the window!!! I feel myself having a lot more stress, tension, ANGER, resentment toward my siblings and husband, all the while lashing out at my precious kids (ages 14, 11, 8 and 19 months). I have heard a lot of what you have spoke about before and yet have not been able to implement it very well in the past. I hope and pray that your challenges will help me work through my current situation and , well, everyday life, for a calmer, happier, less angry, more of a count my blessings home, that I once had and want to regain!

    thanks
    Sara

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