Alright ladies – are you ready for this?  Today we are taking the kissing test to find out how much romance and passion is left in our marriages.  Listen to this one minute video where I discuss kissing with Dr. David Clarke, the author ofKiss Me Like You Mean It.

(If you cannot see the video – click here to open it in youtube.)

So did you pass the test or have you kissed romance goodbye? 

The kiss is an important part of intimacy in marriage.  If your kisses are like Dr. Clarke described – you might as well fist bump or exchange business cards! 

So what’s the right way to kiss?

Well, I’m thinking you don’t need a crash course right?  You know how to kiss – remember back in the old days when you loved to make out with your man…when you could kiss for an hour? It was natural!  That’s what I’m talking about – bring that back! 

The book of Song of Solomon gives lots of verses on kissing…it’s Biblical, it’s beautiful and it’s the way God created us – we were created to enjoy kissing! 

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
   for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2

“Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue.” Song of Solomon 4:11
(Dr. Clarke says this verse is referring to french kissing!)

“the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.”
Song of Solomon 7:8b,9a

I know you know how to do it (if not watch the video – Dr. Clarke explains lol!) !  So, if it’s been a long time since you’ve put a whopper of a kiss on your man – tonight’s the night!!!   Let’s bring back old-school kissing and reignite the flame of passion in our marriages.

Walk with the King,

Oh friends – I BLUSHED hitting the publish button to this post (this one is not for your little readers so send them away lol!)!  Writing on this topic is not my calling!  But thankfully this is Sheila Wray Gregoire’s calling lol!  Sheila is the author of Zondervan’s about to be released book – “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great S*x.”  and today she’s sharing with us how to heat up our marriages!  This is written for the wife who is struggling in this area.

Sheila writes:

Making love is supposed to be a beautiful part of marriage. We’re supposed to feel intimate, and cherished, and amazing, all at the same time!

 Unfortunately, too often s*x becomes something where women feel put upon, obligated, and guilty. It was supposed to be something beautiful; but it turns into something stressful—and something we’d rather just avoid.

I understand. I really do. For the first few years of my marriage, s*x just wasn’t fun. It didn’t feel very good, and my husband seemed always to be ticked at me that I didn’t want it more. I was a disappointment, both to him and myself. I figured s*x was a big lie, something like The Emperor’s New Clothes. Obviously it was a rip off for women, but we were all so brainwashed that no one would admit it.  Maybe your outlook on s*x isn’t quite that bleak, but you still think it’s highly overrated. Chocolate is good, too, and chocolate isn’t nearly as demanding.

If making love, to you, seems like a hassle rather than something good, there’s a problem in your marriage. When I look back on those early years, what makes me sad is that I spent a long time believing what were basically lies. And I’m worried that many Christian women are letting themselves believe lies, too.

Usually we’re quick to counteract lies. If your daughter tells you that she feels like she’s not worth anything, what do you say? “God loves you so much. You were bought at a price.” Or if your son says, “I didn’t make the basketball team. I’ll never be good at anything,” you turn to him and say, “God made you just the way you are. He has such amazing plans for you!” We tell our kids the truth to combat the lies they’re believing.

 When it comes to s*x, though, we often choose the lies. Do you recognize these?

1.     S*x will never feel good

 It could very well be true that for you, up until now, s*x hasn’t felt that good. Maybe you and your husband have never really figured out how to get you ar**sed (women do take a long time!). Maybe you’ve experienced some pain.

But that doesn’t mean that it will never feel good. In fact, when I conducted my surveys for “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great S*x”, I found that the years of marriage when women enjoyed s*x the most were not the honeymoon phase at all, but instead years 16-20. We get better with time.

 And you can get better, for one simple reason: you were made with the cl*t*ris, the little bit of anatomy that has no purpose in the female body except to feel good. Men don’t have anything like that (all their s*xual organs fulfill other purposes, too). So combat this lie with this truth:

I was created for pleasure.

2.     S*x is ugly

 Maybe you were abused when you were younger. Maybe you’re just overwhelmed by the p*rnographic culture we live in which makes s*x seem so base. Maybe your marriage is still reeling from your husband’s p*rn use. S*x does not seem beautiful at all.

But God made it to be beautiful. When He finished creating Adam and Eve, he called them together “very good”. And He devoted a whole book of the Bible to celebrate physical love. He even uses the husband-wife analogy to describe how Christ feels about us, His church. God doesn’t ignore s*x and treat it as an afterthought; He celebrates it because He actually likes it.

God made s*x to be beautiful.

3.     S*x is gross 

We women like things orderly, neat, and in control. Making love isn’t like that. For it to work, we need to let ourselves be vulnerable and a little out of control. And the act itself is kind of messy. 

So it’s easy to think that while love and affection are good, s*x is lower on the totem pole. But God made it to be beautiful, and He made it just the way it is to help us bind together not just physically, but also spiritually and emotionally as well.

Making love connects us in a profound way.

If we started believing the truth about making love, we wouldn’t see it as something we “have to do for him” anymore. We’d see it as a beautiful part of our relationship.

You may not know how you’re going to actually experience a great intimate life yet. That’s okay. You’re just taking the first step. But you’ll never get to where you want to be until you get in line with the truth about how God made us.

For many of us it’s a matter of faith. We don’t see how it’s possible. But if you believe in God’s goodness, then you can also choose to believe that s*x itself is good. Can you do that in faith? Choose God’s view, and then ask God to start making that a reality in your life.

If you want to move forward and experience s*x as something positive, join Sheila’s 29 Days to Great S*x over at To Love, Honor and Vacuum in February, leading up to the release of her new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great S*x.

Thank you Sheila for joining us! 

Walk with the King!

Courtney

**For those wondering about the *asterisks* – I used those through out the post to keep me from getting caught in Christian filters and frustrating my readers. 

Next Tuesday is Valentine’s Day. In a lot of marriages, this day comes and goes without a whole lot of acknowledgement. We women see it on the calendar – we know it’s there, we’ve helped our children write out all their little Valentine’s Day cards…and we cross our fingers that our husband NOTICES it is Valentine’s Day.

If you are a lucky one – you will get a card, flowers, dinner out, maybe some chocolates and some romance. And well – the rest of us…it might not happen and we’ll just have an annoying day lol!

But rather than waiting around for something that might not happen - let’s use this day to show our husbands appreciation for the blessing that they are in our lives.  

There are no exceptions in the Bible where it says on Birthdays, Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day we have permission to be selfish and self-centered.

Philippians 2:3,4 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

My husband is thoughtful. It is not uncommon for him to show up with my favorite drink from Starbucks, a late night run to fill my car up with gas, or a timely back rub. But he’s not Mr. Romance. I am 100% secure in his love for me by the way he works so hard to provide, listens to my long detailed stories lol!, puts up with my many hours on the lap top, protects me and the children and does a whole slew of other things 365 days a year! I don’t want to despise him on February 14th for not coming up with a “soap opera” type romantic extravaganza. I know it’s not gonna happen and it probably won’t happen for about 75% of us!

 

So I wonder, which of the above three do you think your hubby would like most?  And if you have some other ideas – please share them so we can all do them too!!!